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Charismatic Christians who are ill


Ellen042

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Hi.  My faith has kept me alive and hopeful through the years, but I do struggle with one thing, as I belong to a charismatic church.  The thinking of charismatics tends to go like this: If you only had enough faith you'd be healed.  I know the scriptural references for the claim, but the statement comes across as so cold and condemning.  It's hard enough being sick.  I don't need to be blamed for being sick too.  Nevertheless, I take the Bible as the Word of God, and I can't possibly argue with verses such as Matthew 8:16-17 which states, " When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.. This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases.""  How am I to reconcile the fact that I'm still sick with the truth that Jesus died not only for our salvation, but for our healing too?  In fact the Greek word for salvation is sozo, which means "saved, healed, and delivered".  Christ saved our souls, delivered our spirits, and healed our bodies all through His death and resurrection.  I realize that pretty much only charismatic Christians believe this, but this is what I've been taught all my life.  I want to hold onto the truth, but I can't deny the fact that I'm sick, and I most certainly don't want to feel condemned for being sick either,  What am I to do?  Thank you in advance for any input, and have a Merry Christmas!

Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

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Hi Ellen- I too am a charistmatic Christian & sick. Don't you ever feel condemned for being sick. I don't think God wants us to be ill and I don't know why He allows it, but I don't think He wants us that way either. I do know that I have had anxiety issues for 30 years. I continue to hang on to God because I know without a doubt I couldn't have gotten through all I have without His help, and I can see a growth in faith and a closeness to Him that I would never have had without the trials. Continue to pray for an increased faith and love for God & perseverance. We will never understand some things, we aren't meant to, we just have to trust. I remember reading something once that has stuck with me. Whenever we pray for healing, that prayer is being answered. God will heal us in the places that we need it most, maybe not in the places we want at that time. Hang in there & don't buy into the guilt trip on why you aren't healed yet. .Hugs & prayers.

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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Interesting topic! Flying through, so I will through out these verses: Romans 8:28 AND 29... All things for good...not easy or comfortable, so that someday we will look like we share the DNA of Jesus. That is the good. God will stop at nothing in his passionate and loving pursuit of our hearts. For some, it is through dramatic healing, some through great failure. A friend died this summer, everything such a mess. At his funeral (also a mess), I got it...this was the message of his life...nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy (is the word cross?) I cling, Jesus I come to thee. Someone else told me the reason for suffering is not revealed to us, on a universal or individual scale, but the outcome God intends is to experience him in a new way, like Job did...no answers, just the presence of God. But, saying that, I realize this is the reformed version, not the charismatic version.

 

Merry, Blessed Christmas to all (and especially to all of us who just hope to make it through without letting anyone down or scarring them for life!)

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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One more thought....what happened to all the people Jesus healed? I strongly suspect that sometime later, most of them got sick and died (the others were killed in accidents or by others). Their headings were part of Jesus' story, not a final resolution of their problems.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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I struggle with this a lot too, as I pray for healing every day. I definitely believe that God does still heal today, but that doesn't mean that healing is a guarantee in this life. I don't agree with people when they say you haven't been healed because you lack faith. Peter was never healed of the thorn in his side and he was one of God's most faithful. God heals but He also said "My grace is sufficient." I like what Zoe said about God healing us in ways we don't expect. Terrible things happen to God's people all the time. We don't know God's reasons for things, but we do know that He is always with us and will hopefully give us the strength needed to get through any trials He allows to come into our lives. I say hopefully, because I struggle with this as well. I feel very weak in this journey despite asking for strength. But I keep praying and keep waiting on God. :) Hope this rambling makes sense.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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I love this topic! When I first had anxiety issues (30 years ago) I went to a psychiatrist who gave me the scripture Rom. 8:28. I was looking for xanax. Anyway that scripture has been my favorite since then. I tell God ok You promised this, so I believe You. Sometimes it's really hard to see it, but I do know that He is doing something good with all of this pain & junk. We were never promised easy. I think especially as Americans we want a quick fix and everything to be what we imagine to be as perfect. I don't think we will get that this side of heaven. I think for a lot of us life will just be a struggle. But, we will have God with us & that will make it doable.

 

Merry Christmas to all of you & thanks for being here. I also think that why we have issues is so that we can help each other who are likewise afflicted. May we all please continue to do that. Know that you have been such a help & consolation to me.

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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Hi Ellen,

 

One of my heroes of the faith is a woman named Joni Eareckson Tada. If you don't know Joni's story she was injured in a diving accident over 45 years ago that left her a quadriplegic. In the last several years she's also had to live with severe chronic pain and stage 3 breast cancer. Through all of this suffering this woman has clung to God and found a peace that surpasses all understanding. I've come to believe that God allows pain and sorrow in our lives to do a much deeper work in our hearts. I wish that he chose a different method but I have to trust Him. I find the hymn by William Cowper "God Moves in Mysterious Ways" to be especially comforting.

 

  • God moves in a mysterious way
    His wonders to perform;
    He plants His footsteps in the sea
    And rides upon the storm.
  • Deep in unfathomable mines
    Of never failing skill
    He treasures up His bright designs
    And works His sov’reign will.
  • Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
    The clouds ye so much dread
    Are big with mercy and shall break
    In blessings on your head.
  • Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
    But trust Him for His grace;
    Behind a frowning providence
    He hides a smiling face.
  • His purposes will ripen fast,
    Unfolding every hour;
    The bud may have a bitter taste,
    But sweet will be the flow’r.

2.5 tapered to .75 mgs ativan (7 months) c/o to 7.50 valium tapered to 0 (15 months) benzo free 12/2011!<p>1500 mgs gabapentin microtapering, down to 1350 as of 1/5/2015, 1225 as of 11/1/2015

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Thank you to everyone for your support.  I'm so glad I checked this forum even on Christmas Day.  What a blessing. 

Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

Link to post

Zoe, you seem so strong even with the truth of healing not lining up with the facts of being sick.  I wish I had your strength.  And what do you SAY to others who repeated want to pray for you to increase your faith so you can be healed?  I can't deny any of the scripture verses that prove that God intends to heal every Christian, and of course WANTS to heal the whole world, even when people don't want Him.  My best friends are members of my church.  I look up to them, but I don't want to feel condemned.  Of course they don't want to make me feel that way either, but with their sometimes unspoken beliefs,it's inevitable.  Why would God give us verses like Matthew 8: 16-17 if He weren't trying to give us hope for ourselves being healed too?  Perhaps I'm my own worst enemy on this, as I've memorized so many healing verses that I can't get them out of my head.  Nor do I want to.  If I had no hope  of healing  in this lifetime, I'd have jumped off a bridge long ago.  You seem at peace with the fact that you're sick, and that's what I need most of all: peace about being sick.  I don't want to feel like I'm blocking my own healing anymore, but I don't want to lose my faith either.  It's pretty much all I have left anymore.  I've prayed for some with incurable diseases who were instantly healed.  I've watched others be healed on the spot when prayed for.  I just don't like to be the one who's been sick for 17 years and getting no better.  If you're willing, will you share with me haw you came to such peace without compromising your faith that God desires for us all to be well?  Understanding would help so much, but then again, maybe I'm not supposed to understand right now.  Will you pray for my peace, and if you can, explain the one verse I mentioned above to me?  All I can see in it is that Jesus died for our healing too.  He took our diseases.  Makes no sense that we would have to carry them still when HE TOOK THEM FOR US.  Thank you everyone- was just asking Zoe, as she's another Charismatic Christian and therefore understands my struggle.  Happy new year to all.  Peace, Ellen.

Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

Link to post

My statement of faith despite my suffering for 17 years:

Jesus is the same today as when He walked the earth. That's why I believe he provided healing for all, including us.

 

Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

Ellen: Just read thread above and want to add something (you're probably sick of me after all responses today). When my late husband was so ill with his brain tumor, I was driving to work one day and went through a beautiful wooded area dappled with sunlight. I was praying that my husband's tumor would disappear; I wanted desperately to keep him with me, no matter what. In my heart I heard God say to me, "I will heal him."

 

Months after John died, I realized that God had indeed healed him, just not the way I wanted. With my husband's death also came the death of that tumor. I believe that John is living now "somehow else," as one of my favorite priests says.

 

I am not suggesting death as a way out of illness or discussing this lightly. I've heard many say there is a difference between curing and healing. Is it possible that God is helping to heal you now, even if a cure doesn't come about? That God is helping you in some way to mend and to grow, even if the ailment itself doesn't vanish? This may seem like a moot distinction, or it may hold some value.

 

It must be so hard to be part of a spiritual community where others believe your illness is due to lack of faith. Please know there are many people of faith who simply know this isn't true, and that God is with you in a powerful way even with a body suffering sickness.

Prozac 20 mg/daily since 1995

July 19, 2013, initial cut to 15 mg; Aug. 2 updosed to 18 mg; Aug. 19, to 16.2 mg
Held at 2.52 ml/day Jan. 11-April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014, cut to 2.40 ml/day
Dec. 29, 2014, 1.84 ml/day, and held there almost six months
June 23, 2015, 1.75ml/day; July 21, 2015, 1.70 ml/day
Aug. 13, 2015, 1.60 ml/day

Feb. 7, 2016, .7 ml/day; April 26, 2016, .6 ml/day

 

Taking anastrozole (estrogen blocker)
 
Successfully completed long, slow Klonopin taper November 2011. :ph34r:

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Thank you, MissSerene.  No, I'm not sick of you one bit!  Thank you for the empathy and encouragement.  I'm so very sorry you lost your husband.  I cannot begin to imagine.  You're one strong woman! 

Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, "God's ways are higher than our way and His thoughts higher than our thoughts". Also, "All things work together for good to them who love The Lord, who are the called according to His purpose".

 

I don't understand why I had to go through this but I know God has a good reason for ALLOWING me to follow the path I chose that led me to where I am.

 

I believe the Bible is the word of God but I also believe some things were omitted in translations (or changed, perhaps even by punctuation...example: "when the enemy comes in like a flood, God will lift up a standard against him" ...what if the comma were here: "when the enemy comes in, like a flood God will lift up a standard against him". The placement of a comma can change the meaning of a sentence.) Even so, there is enough there to teach us how we should live and love all people, without prejudice.

 

The Bible is a Spiritual History book and I find that when I'm in tune with Spirit (God, Christ) it comes alive and I can understand things I couldn't before.

 

Job said, "Tho he slay me, yet will I trust Him". (Job is the oldest known book in the Bible)

 

I plead with God for almost two years, then one day I began thanking Him precisely for TAKING me off the meds, for making me well, happy, sleeping well, no WD symptoms at all. I wish I'd written the date down that I started praying this way. In a few weeks I felt like a different person although I can't say whether I'm WD symptom free and this is what I am like without the side effects of meds.

 

Either way, I feel so much better and thank God for it. The prayer had already been answered but I had to accept that it was. The gift is there...

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Thank you Tezza !!

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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  • 9 months later...
Wildflower0214

This situation is so hard to go through, especially in the light of faith.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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