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Padlin: Spiritual Awakening


padlin

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I was just surfing the web looking for possible explanations to symptoms I am having when I came across this site and especially the posts on Kundalini and drug withdrawal.

I think I was meant to find it. My drug was not an antidepressant, it was varous benzodiazepines over a period twenty years. I tapered off using the Ashton protocol and finished the taper Jan 2007 - almost seven years ago. The withdrawal was very difficult and lasted a long long time.

 

Nine months were very severe and then over the next number of years I had relapses off and on - ever diminishing.

 

One year ago, in Jan 2013, I got a set back which was very similar to what I felt in the initial wd. A feeling of dying ... hard to explain ... insomnia, weak and a general feeling of dying. Some depression or fear of it more than experiencing it...  a kind of helplessness.

 

I got the feeling it may be connected to a spiritual path of meditation and Qi Gong I had been following since comeing off benzos. That set back lasted - ever diminishing - for a few months until about June,

 

I had been very good before it ... and after it passed I became very good again. Very very good. The best I have felt in my iife (I am 70 years old).

 

Then three weeks ago I felt tummy pain ... it came and went and I got a bit worried about it ... but also suspected it just might be something to do with meditation and Qi Gong.

 

Then four or five days ago I got imbalance (I have had it at various times since wd but this time a bit more severe ... or different. And in last few days I have had to take to the bed in the afternoon with weekness and imbalance.

 

Today was very severe ... to the point of really believing I was dying. Very similar to what I felt initially at end of taper seven years ago.

I felt it probably was connected to previous wd and present meditation which has becoming more intense. Today I had meditate more than two hours (in two lots) when it came on.

 

It lasted a long time ... a few hours ... and I still feel weak ... and I do believe it is something to do with Kundalini and/or spiritual awakening.

I would love to hear opinions.

 

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Hi....

 

I am coming off AD's no problem with benzos, so I can't offer insight into that.  You said that in January 2013 you had a sensation of depression, insomnia and a feeling of dying.  It may not be related to a benzo WD, it may just be a small bout of melancholy.  Can you relate anything going on in your life to it?

 

As to your recent feelings.  I would make an appointment with the doctor for a physical and blood work up.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Have you been to a gp for a general checkup? 7 years out it could be something else than benzo wd. 

2010: Mirtazapine 30mg followed by Zopiclone 7.5 mg for sleep post surgery due to pain.
2012-> Tapering Mirtazapine and Zopiclone at different rates unsuccessfully.
2013: Hospitalized 10 days due to complete Insomnia. Forced back up to 45mg Mirtazapine, 7.5 mg Zopiclone and also Theralene 1 ml.
2013-03: Lab showed Vitamin D deficient. Found the vitamin d and insomnia connection. Supplementing vitamin d. Sleep improved by 1-2 hours
2013-04: Dropped mirtazapine to 30 due to severe side effects. Quit Theralene. Zopiclone 7.5.
2013-05 - 2013-11: Mirtazapine taper monthly 25 20 15 11 8 4 2.5 mg
2013-12 Holding M at 2.5. Need to taper Zopiclone due to daytime nausea and vomiting. Taper zopiclone 1/4 red every 5 d. Last Z 2013-12-19
2013-12-31 M:2.5. Reinstated Zopiclone 3.75 due to Insomnia
2014-01-06 M:2.5. Taper Z 1.9 ... 2014-01-14 M:2.5. Z 1 mg.
Jumped of Zopiclone 01-20. Jumped mirtazapine 02-16.

Theralene: 10mg 02-09. 8mg 03-09. 5mg 03-15. 4mg 03-24. 3mg 04-08. Jumped 04-21.
Zopiclone free for 251 days. Mirtazapine free for 224 days.

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  • Member

Hi Padlin and welcome to SA.

 

You say you are on some medication presently? Your symptoms may have something to do with that and I agree with Nikki, you may need to have a checkup just to be sure there is not something else going on. One of the moderators might be able to check in soon, even though it is a holiday, and give you some support. Hope you can be patient since all are volunteers. In the meantime, wishing you peace today.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Thank you all for your support.

I have had similar symptoms many times over the last seven years and I usually went to er and had them checked. Even when I was quite sure I was dying and that many physical ailments were present - I always checked out 'nothing wrong'.

And I  am pretty sure there is nothing physically wrong ... but if this feeling persists I will check it out in time.

Another factor for me personally is the fact that I am 70 and would not take chemo if I had cancer ... and would not be prepared for most kinds of medical intervention. So if I am dying I think I would just let it be so .. but I don't really believe that I am.

No I am not on any medication at the moment. I was taking a chinese herbal for tummy but I have stopped.

Thanks again and would appreciate any other opinion especially on spiritual awakening or Kundalini.

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I am not sure that many of the members here would have much information for you about spiritual awakening. Most of the information I think is in this section: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/91-kundalini-shamanic-initiatory-illness/.

 

One of our moderators has a website where you might find some more information. The links to that topic are on the sides of the page.

 

Wishing you peace on your journey and hope you can find the information you need.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Padlin,

 

Welcome to SA, thank you for posting an introduction.

 

Its interesting that you found this site while looking for connections between medication withdrawal and kundalini awakenings.  Before I found this site, and didn't realize that medication withdrawal could last so long, I thought I may be having some kind of spiritual awakening experience.

 

In my first (long) post here, I mention it.

 

 ... and I do believe it is something to do with Kundalini and/or spiritual awakening.

I would love to hear opinions.

 

 I don't think it has to be one thing or the other. For me, I've come to terms with a kind of uncertainty about 'exactly' what's happening to me, but I know its some kind of process which involves a complete reworking of who I am, mind, body and spirit.  There have been times when I've felt myself dying and its been terrifying, but through surrender and acceptance, I've found a kind of peace.  I choose to believe that the old, dysfunctional me is dying so that something new can be born.

 

I like what 'Healing' writes in her post here

 

 


.....But in my readings, I've noticed that a lot of people writing on K. go to great lengths to distinguish K. from other things -- eg it's not the same thing as "true" psychosis, it's not a "real" K. rising if it only goes part way, etc.

I think some of this is due to people trying their best to be scientific so they'll be credible. But, I think some of it is due to ego -- eg "I'm going through a real K. rising and that's a rare and special thing."

I've come to think of K. (and shamanic initiatory illness) in a very broad way, as a force that is universal, and gets activated in many, many different ways, in many, many people -- but not in everyone. It *is* a developmental potential. Just as some people will learn to empathize with their fellows a lot, and others will only learn to do it a little -- so, K. will be activated more fully in some.

There are other writers who talk about K. being activated by alcoholism and drug addiction (the Grofs) without recommending alcoholism and dug addiction. Posted Image So, you see, that's not so different from psych meds doing the activation. K. *wants* to be activated -- it'll take advantage of whatever comes along -- childbirth, car accident, you name it.

I do think, however, that really spelling out the connection between psych med neuro damage / healing and K. awakening is on the agenda for us, Claudius. That may be part of what you and I end up doing with this experience. To help those that come after us. Posted Image

 

There's a very interesting discussion in the first link which cymbaltawithdrawal included in her post above. 

 

I've noticed that for some people, not all, the experience of withdrawing from psychotropic medications can be a kind of catalyst for change and growth in general.  I notice it here while reading posts.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Bless you dear Petu!

 

Your posts brings me great relief ... it echoes exactly my own thoughts that what is going on is a total reworking of my body mind and spirit.

I know most people understandably say 'it couldn't be after seven years' but I know it is.

 

But I must point out that most of it is over a long time ago. Mostly I feel the best I have ever felt in my whole life - really at 70!

Mostly I am amazed at my strength, my energy and my happiness.

 

See twenty five years of booze kept me in a dream/nightmare world - an unreality. Followed by twenty years of benzo.

Fortunately I found the Ashton method of withdrawal and was successful in getting off the benzo.

 

And after the first year things got better and better with setbacks - decreasing all the times over the years.

 

My strong belief of what I am going through now is that it is an advnced stage of a re-awakening. It is my body mind spirit aligning itself to the new flow of nutriment of Qi of fluids and of consciousness ... of all life forces.

I am pretty sure it will pass soon and I am pretty sure that when it does I will feel even more alive than I was before this. That is the way it always goes.

 

I was never on ad but from my experience with benzos I feel that one should aim to become completely drug free BUT with care. All must be tapered off very slowly to an established pattern and with respect to their force and to our bodies vulnerability.

And for me personally - a spiritual exercise program is a great help. Personally I use meditation and Qi Gong. I put these first before all other activities - they help me enormously.

 

Thanks again for your replies and your especially, Petu. I look forward to reading of your complete recovery and true happiness.

Blessings.

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