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Hopefull

Hopefull: suffering from PGAD

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Carmie
On 8/12/2018 at 12:48 AM, Hopefull said:

 

Hi Carmie,

Sending hugs your way as well. 

I have decided to make a drop in September  to 0.065 and hold for 2-3 months and then stop.

By December I should be off.

I feel that I have done all I can to safety get off Mitrazapine. 

In October it will be 4 years of tappering, so by the time I stop,  it will be 4 years and 2 months. 

I was on Mitrazapine for 6 months,  but because I am extremely sensetive, I decided to get off it slowly. 

I feel it is time for me to move on with my life and put this chapter behind me. 

How are you doing Carmie? 

Thank you for stopping by my thread. 

Take care,  Hopefull. :)

 

 

Hi Hopeful, Glad to see you’ve got a good plan. I’m so happy that you will soon be off these dreaded med. You are an inspiration to all of us on this site💚

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Hopefull
9 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

 

Hi Hopeful, Glad to see you’ve got a good plan. I’m so happy that you will soon be off these dreaded med. You are an inspiration to all of us on this site💚

 

Thank you so much Carmie.

It is kind people like yourself that have kept me going. 

The support on this site has been a life saver, and I hope that my experience will encourage others to keep going and not to give up.

The beginning of this journey is hard, but as the time passes it gets easier. 

You will get there too.

💙

 

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Shebon

Hey Hopefull:

 

How are you doing?  Are you close to the final drop off point?  Kudos to you for coming so far on the taper...I hope you come back and give us your status updates.

 

I hope to start my taper (again) the end of next week.  I am so hoping that switching over from generic rem tablets to Soltab rem will be without issue.  One never knows what to expect though. 

 

Low and slow is my mantra....

 

Best regards,

Shebon:rolleyes:

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Carmie
On 8/20/2018 at 5:56 PM, Hopefull said:

 

Thank you so much Carmie.

It is kind people like yourself that have kept me going. 

The support on this site has been a life saver, and I hope that my experience will encourage others to keep going and not to give up.

The beginning of this journey is hard, but as the time passes it gets easier. 

You will get there too.

💙

 

 

Hi Hopeful, 

 

Yes it’s certainly encouraging to have people on here who understand n support one another. People who haven’t gone through this process have absolutely no idea how horrific withdrawals can be. They probably thing taking antidepressants is no different to taking aspirin. 

 

Your journey will definitely encourage people on here. Please keep us all updated. 

 

Wishing you the best💚

 

 

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Hopefull
On 8/27/2018 at 12:52 PM, Carmie said:

 

Hi Hopeful, 

 

Yes it’s certainly encouraging to have people on here who understand n support one another. People who haven’t gone through this process have absolutely no idea how horrific withdrawals can be. They probably thing taking antidepressants is no different to taking aspirin. 

 

Your journey will definitely encourage people on here. Please keep us all updated. 

 

Wishing you the best💚

 

 

 

Wishing you all the best too! :)💙

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Carmie

Hi Hopeful, 

 

Thanks for popping around to my thread the other day. 

 

Just checking in to see how you’re doing. So u will be tapering again by a teeny amount this month? How are u doing it? Are u using water titration or digital scales? I’m a bit too brain foggy to read a lot of your thread at the moment. 

 

I’ve just changed from titrating  my tablets to titrating a capsule n withdrawals have hit me, though I’m still at the same dose, 7.5mg. Ah, the world of withdrawals. 

 

Wishing u a happy day☀️☀️☀️

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Hopefull
On 9/2/2018 at 8:52 AM, Carmie said:

Hi Hopeful, 

 

Thanks for popping around to my thread the other day. 

 

Just checking in to see how you’re doing. So u will be tapering again by a teeny amount this month? How are u doing it? Are u using water titration or digital scales? I’m a bit too brain foggy to read a lot of your thread at the moment. 

 

I’ve just changed from titrating  my tablets to titrating a capsule n withdrawals have hit me, though I’m still at the same dose, 7.5mg. Ah, the world of withdrawals. 

 

Wishing u a happy day☀️☀️☀️

Hi Carmie,

Thank you for stopping by my thread too. 

I am ok, for the most part, but experiencing a bit of anxiety at the moment. 

Last night I felt I was going to jump out of my skin, and it is because I was triggered by the stupid water heater noise.

The sound was  really high pitched and I when it finally stopped 2 and a bit hours later,I was fantom hearing it when I woke up around 2:30am. The sound was stuck in a loop in my brain and it was giving me bad anxiety.  Has this happened to you?

I keep thinking ,when is my brain going to return completely back to normal or if this is as normal as it will ever get?

When I am good,  I feel good, but as soon as I get triggered by things I feel really bad anxiety .

I was never like this before drugs. 

My anxiety was more constant worry thoughts and sometimes panic. 

But now, I am  easily triggered by things and it is a sign that my brain is still not back to normal.I still need to hold the current dose.

I'm dissolving 15mg tablet into 60mls of water and drawring  0.5mls.

WDS is hard, but hang in there. 

I just want to experience feeling "normal" again,  without stupid triggers. 

It was a beautiful, sunny ,spring day today,, so that helped a bit.

You have a good day too and take care.  :)

 

 

 

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Hopetobefree

Hi Hopefull,

 

Sorry to hear youve had some anxiety lately. I just wanted to let you know that this has happened to me recently with the sound of my alarm going off. it scared me one morning when it went off than the sound would be going over and over in my head once i had stopped the alarm but faintly. It was so annoying that i ended up changing my alarm sound!

 

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Carmie
18 hours ago, Hopefull said:

Hi Carmie,

Thank you for stopping by my thread too. 

I am ok, for the most part, but experiencing a bit of anxiety at the moment. 

Last night I felt I was going to jump out of my skin, and it is because I was triggered by the stupid water heater noise.

The sound was  really high pitched and I when it finally stopped 2 and a bit hours later,I was fantom hearing it when I woke up around 2:30am. The sound was stuck in a loop in my brain and it was giving me bad anxiety.  Has this happened to you?

I keep thinking ,when is my brain going to return completely back to normal or if this is as normal as it will ever get?

When I am good,  I feel good, but as soon as I get triggered by things I feel really bad anxiety .

I was never like this before drugs. 

My anxiety was more constant worry thoughts and sometimes panic. 

But now, I am  easily triggered by things and it is a sign that my brain is still not back to normal.I still need to hold the current dose.

I'm dissolving 15mg tablet into 60mls of water and drawring  0.5mls.

WDS is hard, but hang in there. 

I just want to experience feeling "normal" again,  without stupid triggers. 

It was a beautiful, sunny ,spring day today,, so that helped a bit.

You have a good day too and take care.  :)

 

 

 

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Im glad you’re doing okay for the most part. Yes, our nervous systems certainly are out of whack, that loud noise must have made you jumpy. Wow, the noise went on for two n a half hours. I bet you were glad when it stopped. Weird though how you kept hearing it anyway. No, this has happened to me but because our nervous systems are so haywire I can see why it can happen. I think the closest I can relate to this is when I can’t get a song out of my head, my brain just automatically plays it over n over again. 

 

Yes, our brains are high alert n are easily triggered, I got triggered the other night n went into a bit of a panic when I had severe akathisia that made me want to move nonstop. It triggered really bad memories. It settled quickly though, phew! I still get akathisia in waves but it’s not usually the kind where I have to pace so when that happened the other night my brain went ahhhh! 

 

All the best with your water titration. I was titrating a 25mg tablet but now I’ve got a 7.5mg capsule n will titrate that soon. Changing over from tablet to capsule caused withdrawals so I’m waiting to stabilise before I taper again. I’ll be putting it in 20ml of water. I’ve already got my calculations for the first month. I’m doing a microtaper according to the brassmonkey slide. I’ll be doing 1.25% a week for four weeks n then holding another weeks. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Hopefull
18 hours ago, Hopetobefree said:

Hi Hopefull,

 

Sorry to hear youve had some anxiety lately. I just wanted to let you know that this has happened to me recently with the sound of my alarm going off. it scared me one morning when it went off than the sound would be going over and over in my head once i had stopped the alarm but faintly. It was so annoying that i ended up changing my alarm sound!

 

 

Hi Hopetobefree,

Thank you so much for stopping by. Your support means a lot to me. 

That is exactly what has been going on for me for the last 2 days. Last night my anxiety was through the roof and I felt like jumping out of my skin.

It was really hard to calm my self down, since I could faintly hear the sound, stuck in my head.

The water heater is still making that high putched sound,  for couple of hours in the evening.  I am waiting for it to be fixed. I know that I am easily triggered at the moment because of the drop I made 6 to 7 weeks ago. It means that I have to hold longer.

It makes me feel better that I am not alone in this. 

I am really hoping that this will come to an end soon. 

This drug induced triggers are hard to cope with at times. 

You would think that getting to such a low amount would make things easier,  but I still experience rough patches from time to time. 

It is at this time that I deeply regret taking AD's in the first place,  because my anxiety prior to AD's was picnic in the park. I wish I could take everything back. There is always that underlying fear that my brain has been  permenantly altered, and this will be as good as it gets.

I have enqiured about oxygen therapy again.  My brain needs help to take me to the finish line. 

I am hoping for a miracle. 

Thank you Hopetobefree for your support. 

How are you doing?  

 

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Hopefull
12 minutes ago, Carmie said:

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Im glad you’re doing okay for the most part. Yes, our nervous systems certainly are out of whack, that loud noise must have made you jumpy. Wow, the noise went on for two n a half hours. I bet you were glad when it stopped. Weird though how you kept hearing it anyway. No, this has happened to me but because our nervous systems are so haywire I can see why it can happen. I think the closest I can relate to this is when I can’t get a song out of my head, my brain just automatically plays it over n over again. 

 

Yes, our brains are high alert n are easily triggered, I got triggered the other night n went into a bit of a panic when I had severe akathisia that made me want to move nonstop. It triggered really bad memories. It settled quickly though, phew! I still get akathisia in waves but it’s not usually the kind where I have to pace so when that happened the other night my brain went ahhhh! 

 

All the best with your water titration. I was titrating a 25mg tablet but now I’ve got a 7.5mg capsule n will titrate that soon. Changing over from tablet to capsule caused withdrawals so I’m waiting to stabilise before I taper again. I’ll be putting it in 20ml of water. I’ve already got my calculations for the first month. I’m doing a microtaper according to the brassmonkey slide. I’ll be doing 1.25% a week for four weeks n then holding another weeks. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

Hi Carmie,

How are you coping with the akatisia? Thank God, you didn't have to pace.

All the symptoms from these terrible drugs are dreadful. 

It really tests your inner strength and coping strategies. 

That is my problem too. Being triggered and then the bad memories flood through, when I was at my worst.

 

I get this horrible anxiety, like I am about to jump out the my skin.

The water heater is still making  a loud high pitched sound in the evening.

I dred it, because I can fantom hear it later in my head. 

I have experienced songs being stuck in my head, at the beginning. 

I remember when that song came out 2014, Cause I am happy, by Will Farell or something like that, I could not get that song out of my head. 

It was driving me absolutely nuts.  I hate that song now, it reminds me of a really horrible time in my life.

I have personally found water titration to be easier then measuring and cutting pills. I did the later at the beginning. 

It is a wise move to wait to stabilize before switching to water titration. 

You will be micro tappering and it should reduce WDS symptoms and make them more manageable. 

I am even thinking about holding until December and then cutting down again. 

I know that it means that I might not get off Mitrazapine until next year. But that is okay with me. Better to get off well,  then to rush. My brain is so sensitive, I have to be careful. 

Take care,  Hopefull. 

 

 

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Carmie
On 9/5/2018 at 1:45 PM, Hopefull said:

 

Hi Carmie,

How are you coping with the akatisia? Thank God, you didn't have to pace.

All the symptoms from these terrible drugs are dreadful. 

It really tests your inner strength and coping strategies. 

That is my problem too. Being triggered and then the bad memories flood through, when I was at my worst.

 

I get this horrible anxiety, like I am about to jump out the my skin.

The water heater is still making  a loud high pitched sound in the evening.

I dred it, because I can fantom hear it later in my head. 

I have experienced songs being stuck in my head, at the beginning. 

I remember when that song came out 2014, Cause I am happy, by Will Farell or something like that, I could not get that song out of my head. 

It was driving me absolutely nuts.  I hate that song now, it reminds me of a really horrible time in my life.

I have personally found water titration to be easier then measuring and cutting pills. I did the later at the beginning. 

It is a wise move to wait to stabilize before switching to water titration. 

You will be micro tappering and it should reduce WDS symptoms and make them more manageable. 

I am even thinking about holding until December and then cutting down again. 

I know that it means that I might not get off Mitrazapine until next year. But that is okay with me. Better to get off well,  then to rush. My brain is so sensitive, I have to be careful. 

Take care,  Hopefull. 

 

 

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

How are u doing today? The akathisia hasn’t been too bad, which is a relief. I’m in a window today, though I’ve been in windows n waves that happen All throughout the day most days recently . 

 

Im really sorry that the water heater is still causing you such anxiety still. Is it broken? Is there something you can do about it?

 

It’s a good idea to hold until December if you have to. You are doing well if you’re off your meds by next year. Please go slow though and don’t rush, it’s not worth it, you’ll end up in a big wave. It’s going to take me at least ten years doing the brassmonkey slide but I can’t go quick because the akathisia gets too bad. We will see if I can modify anything along the way. But for now when I start to taper I’ll do it extremely carefully. Still waiting to stabilize though.

 

Wishing you all the best💚

 

 

 

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Carmie

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Just checking in to see how you are. I hope you manage to get some sleep despite your noisy water heater. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Hopefull
On 9/13/2018 at 7:38 PM, Carmie said:

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Just checking in to see how you are. I hope you manage to get some sleep despite your noisy water heater. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Hi Carmie,

The water heater had a faulty pump, that is why it was making a loud noise.

I am feeling lousy today, my anxiety is through the roof.

I could not sit still at the hairdresser today. I must have PTSD, because old feelings subconsciously emerged, and I was reading a magazine. I was not thinking about any thing. It used to happen to me at the beginning of this journey. 

I felt horrible anxiety,  like I needed to escape and get some fresh air.

My brain is doing weird things again,  and I know that I am going through WDS.

I feel flat and not myself. 

I am waiting for it to pass. 

It is a real bummer. 

 

 

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Martina23

Hopeful, did you already jump from the drugs? Or are you still taking these miniscule amounts?

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Hopefull
3 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Hopeful, did you already jump from the drugs? Or are you still taking these miniscule amounts?

 

Hi Martina,

How are you? 

I am still taking half of 0.25mg, (0.125mg). I have cut the dose 2 months ago.  The last 2 weeks or more have been a bit shaky.

Anxiety comes and goes and I am experiencing unexpected triggers. 

I am finding it hard to settle down and drift off to sleep. 

I am not sure if my brain is rejecting the drug and is building up in my system and I need to drop the dose,  or I need to hold for a while? 

 

It is such a small amount. 

Sometimes I just want to jump off, then I feel scared to do so.

We will see how I go. Thanks for dropping by my thread. 

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mFrustrated

Hi Hopefull,

 

Just dropping in to day “hi.” I’m in a bad wave right now with terribly disturbing ocd with suicidal ocd and intense emotion. It’s very frustrating, so just trying to keep myself occupied so I don’t make things worse. Very discouraging to be dealing with 2 and a half years into this healing process. Not fun to type all of that, but keeping myself honest with people that understand helps. My husband has been so sweet to help me through. I’m off of work today, so that doesn’t help. I do so much better at school when I’m distracted with by my students. 

 

Anyways, I just read your post above. I hope you’re feeling better soon. 

 

Thanks again for for always encouraging me. I’ve read back through your encouragement today and it helps. 💕

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Hopefull
On 9/20/2018 at 3:18 AM, mFrustrated said:

Hi Hopefull,

 

Just dropping in to day “hi.” I’m in a bad wave right now with terribly disturbing ocd with suicidal ocd and intense emotion. It’s very frustrating, so just trying to keep myself occupied so I don’t make things worse. Very discouraging to be dealing with 2 and a half years into this healing process. Not fun to type all of that, but keeping myself honest with people that understand helps. My husband has been so sweet to help me through. I’m off of work today, so that doesn’t help. I do so much better at school when I’m distracted with by my students. 

 

Anyways, I just read your post above. I hope you’re feeling better soon. 

 

Thanks again for for always encouraging me. I’ve read back through your encouragement today and it helps. 💕

 

It does get better.  It really is a waiting game. 

I am glad that I made you feel better. 

I am feeling  better than before. 

Take care,  Hopeful.  :)

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Hopefull

It looks like at the end of November, after 4 years of tappering, my tappering journey will come to an end. 

 

SolTab is being discontinued by the manufacturer. I rang at least 10 pharmacies last night, only 1 pharmacy had the last box og 15mg SolTab. 

The only other option is to dissolve a regular Avanza tablet, but I have tried this in the past, and it never agreed with me. 

So it looks like I might have to stop at 0.125, even though I really want to get to 0.06 before I stop.

I have been holding 0.125mg for the last 3 months. 

Lets see how we go.

I am scared to stop, but it looks like I don't really have a choice.

I am not sure if this is a blessing in disguise or a sure ticket to a discontinuation hell.

Let's wait and see.

 

 

 

 

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brassmonkey

Hi Hopeful-- if you've been holding at .125 for three months and there really isn't any chance of getting more SolTab there wouldn't be much to lose if you were to go ahead and drop to .06 until your meds run out.  Even a short run at the lower dose would buffer the final jump to "0".  Just an idea it all depends on how you're feeling.  Making the final jump is almost as frightening as starting a taper,but for many who have done a long slow taper it ends up being just like any other drop.  Some slight symptoms for a few days and then steady improvement.  Please don't add any secondary anxiety to the process, you'll be fine.

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Martina23

This is a blessing that there is no SolTab. You dont have to be really afraid to jump, you have already discontinuation syndrom behind you. Now starts the life!

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Carmie

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Yes, it must be scary making that last jump. It’s a blessing though that you’ve managed to get so low before they discontinued your meds. 

 

Wishing you all the best with this last drop. Are you going to do what brassmonkey said n go to 0.06mg with this last box of meds you have?

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Hopefull
6 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi Hopeful-- if you've been holding at .125 for three months and there really isn't any chance of getting more SolTab there wouldn't be much to lose if you were to go ahead and drop to .06 until your meds run out.  Even a short run at the lower dose would buffer the final jump to "0".  Just an idea it all depends on how you're feeling.  Making the final jump is almost as frightening as starting a taper,but for many who have done a long slow taper it ends up being just like any other drop.  Some slight symptoms for a few days and then steady improvement.  Please don't add any secondary anxiety to the process, you'll be fine.

 

Thank you brassmonkey.  I know I should not jump the gun.  But I will do as you have suggested. 

Next week I will make the cut, and hold 0.06mg, until meds run out.

Hopefully I will not experience any major issues. 

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.  

 

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Hopefull
2 hours ago, Martina23 said:

This is a blessing that there is no SolTab. You dont have to be really afraid to jump, you have already discontinuation syndrom behind you. Now starts the life!

 

Thank you Martina. I really hope so. I hope that DS is behind me, or if I do experience some symptoms,  it will be mild. I guess I am still not quite ready to jump off. But I will have to.  

How are you doing these days? 

Thank you for stopping by.  :)

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Hopefull
2 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Yes, it must be scary making that last jump. It’s a blessing though that you’ve managed to get so low before they discontinued your meds. 

 

Wishing you all the best with this last drop. Are you going to do what brassmonkey said n go to 0.06mg with this last box of meds you have?

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

Hi Carmie,

Thank you for thinking of me.

I will do as Brassmonkey suggested, unless I somehow get a hold of another box,  which I very much doubt it. 

I don't know why SolTab is being discontinued here in Australia. 

It is the most easiest way to get off Mitrazapine.But at the same time,  this will force me to get off. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. 

I just get worried.  I always think the worst.  

How are you doing?

Thank you for your support.  :) Hopefull.💜

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Carmie
9 hours ago, Hopefull said:

 

Hi Carmie,

Thank you for thinking of me.

I will do as Brassmonkey suggested, unless I somehow get a hold of another box,  which I very much doubt it. 

I don't know why SolTab is being discontinued here in Australia. 

It is the most easiest way to get off Mitrazapine.But at the same time,  this will force me to get off. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. 

I just get worried.  I always think the worst.  

How are you doing?

Thank you for your support.  :) Hopefull.💜

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Hope it all goes well. I wonder if you can ring around to different chemists right around Australia n see if they have one more box. They could send it to you.

 

Yes, in withdrawals we tend to think the worst, it’s a scary process n because we’ve gone through such severe waves we are scared of them. That’s totally understandable. People that haven’t been through withdrawals have absolutely no idea.

 

Take care n keep us posted as to how you go💚

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Hopefull
4 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Hope it all goes well. I wonder if you can ring around to different chemists right around Australia n see if they have one more box. They could send it to you.

 

Yes, in withdrawals we tend to think the worst, it’s a scary process n because we’ve gone through such severe waves we are scared of them. That’s totally understandable. People that haven’t been through withdrawals have absolutely no idea.

 

Take care n keep us posted as to how you go💚

 

Thank you Carmie. I will do that.  I have to get a script from the doctor and I will try to find at least one more box somewhere.  That way I have a bit more time to stabilize,  before I stop.

People don't understand how bad WDS can get,  unless they have gone through it them selves.

I will keep you posted,  hopefully things will work out in the end. 

Take care, 💜 Hopefull. :)

 

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Carmie
20 hours ago, Hopefull said:

 

Thank you Carmie. I will do that.  I have to get a script from the doctor and I will try to find at least one more box somewhere.  That way I have a bit more time to stabilize,  before I stop.

People don't understand how bad WDS can get,  unless they have gone through it them selves.

I will keep you posted,  hopefully things will work out in the end. 

Take care, 💜 Hopefull. :)

 

 

Hope you find that last box Hopefull,

 

Maybe you can find two, you never know. I really hope it all works out for you, and yes, this journey is definitely scary. 

 

Wishing you all the best💚

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Hopefull
On 10/7/2018 at 8:36 AM, Carmie said:

 

Hope you find that last box Hopefull,

 

Maybe you can find two, you never know. I really hope it all works out for you, and yes, this journey is definitely scary. 

 

Wishing you all the best💚

Thank you,  wishing you all.the best too. :)

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Rbvdk

Hi Hopefull, how has your PGAD been? I'm 6 months off citolapram and I'm getting all the symptoms of PGAD without the actual arousal part although very infrequently I will feel it. I hope it's ok to ask but what are your symptoms exactly now or when you had PGAD if you don't now? :) I'm worried that PGAD gets worse, or does it get better?

Mine has been developing so slowly for the 6 months. First discomfort after peeing, then discharge, then hypersensitivy to touch and now I'm getting where it I press on there it'll feel aroused and throbbing. I'm also getting random short waves of mild arousal when anxious. It seems to be still developing and getting worse so I'm hoping you can give me some hope haha :) Hope you're doing well!

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Carmie

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Just checking in to see if you managed to get another box or two of your meds.

 

Sending hugs🤗

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