Hopefull: suffering from PGAD

[Hopefull]

6 hours ago, PH1 said:

Great job, Hopeful!!!   You've been doing it right.   God bless you in this next chapter!

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words!  Take care,  and God bless you too. 💜

[Flowers]

Wonderful news Hopefull!

 

I wish you well in your next stage of this journey without the drug. Well done!

 

Flowers xxx

[Hopefull]

17 minutes ago, Flowers said:

Wonderful news Hopefull!

 

I wish you well in your next stage of this journey without the drug. Well done!

 

Flowers xxx

 

Thank you Flowers!  Wishing you all the best with your tapering journey.  💜

[Steve61]

That’s great news that you are drug free. Congratulations !! It always gives me hope and encouragement to see somebody finally reach the end of their long taper. Thank you for sharing.

Steve

[Hopefull]

18 hours ago, Steve61 said:

That’s great news that you are drug free. Congratulations !! It always gives me hope and encouragement to see somebody finally reach the end of their long taper. Thank you for sharing.

Steve

Thank you Steve. I am glad that I can give people hope to persevere. 

Take care, Hopefull.

[Altostrata]

Good for you, Hopefull. Look how far you've come!

 

Have you tried a bit of melatonin? Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

  

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

[Hopefull]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Good for you, Hopefull. Look how far you've come!

 

Have you tried a bit of melatonin? Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

  

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

Thank you so much Altostrata. Thank you for creating this support community. 

I have come a long way. Still adjusting, not sleeping that well, but at least anxiety level last night was much better. 

I will read through the links and see what might help me to settle at night.

Take care,

Hopefull.

[Dejavu]

Hopefull, how are you getting along these days? Are you up to posting an update?

[Hopefull]

47 minutes ago, Dejavu said:

Hopefull, how are you getting along these days? Are you up to posting an update?

Hi Dejavu,

How are you? 

I am doing good.  It has been 2 weeks since I got off Mirt.

I am fine during the day,  not sleeping very well,  since I have stopped Mirt. I experience a bit more anxiety towards the evening.  I have cut down on sugar, but I can't see that it has made me feel any better. I am trying to be more mindful about what I eat. 

I do get slight WDS, but I know that all of that will eventually pass.

I am waiting for the weight to start dropping off,  so far I can't tell. 

It has only been 2 weeks,  so I can't expect much.

The weight gain from meds is bothering me. It is like a reminder of what I have gone through. 

I have been walking with couple of friends, and I am going to join a gym soon, to get back into shape. 

I will keep updating to give other people hope. So far it has been pretty good.

Thank you for stopping by my thread. 

Cheers, Hopefull. 

 

 

 

[Dejavu]

That's so wonderful to hear! I have followed your thread and you are a real inspiration to me. I know your sleep will improve soon. Do you take any melatonin? It has been my saving grace. 

 

The weight will come off. And the more you exercise, the more you will want to exercise. Cutting sugar is huge. I lost 45 pounds that way.

 

I am struggling right now with stabilization after reinstatement and I'm in a tough wave right now. I had mild PGAD symptoms a couple of months ago for 2 days. Yesterday it came back a little more strongly. Its really got me worried. I know you say you had it and it went away. Is it still gone or do you get symptoms? When you had it, did it come and go in waves or was it nonstop miserable the whole time you had it? I could certainly use some reassurance. I'm having to take an rx steroid eye drop right now and its caused my anxiety to go through the roof during this wave. As a result I'm thinking  very negatively at the moment, using the "p" word ("permanent") a lot.

 

I know that you're headed toward a bright future and I don't want to trigger you, but if you feel you can, could you please keep updating your progress? Seems most people jump, then disappear until they sometimes show up on the success story thread, which is understandable. This is a very traumatic thing to go through. But because of that, very little is known about what goes on in between jump and healing. I completely understand if you don't feel you can or should stay in contact on here, but if you choose to do so, it would really help a lot of people, myself included.

 

Anyway, I am so happy that you are near the end of this journey. Blessings and best wishes for the wonderful life ahead. Hugs!!!

 

 

[Hopefull]

On 3/11/2019 at 11:09 AM, Dejavu said:

That's so wonderful to hear! I have followed your thread and you are a real inspiration to me. I know your sleep will improve soon. Do you take any melatonin? It has been my saving grace. 

 

The weight will come off. And the more you exercise, the more you will want to exercise. Cutting sugar is huge. I lost 45 pounds that way.

 

I am struggling right now with stabilization after reinstatement and I'm in a tough wave right now. I had mild PGAD symptoms a couple of months ago for 2 days. Yesterday it came back a little more strongly. Its really got me worried. I know you say you had it and it went away. Is it still gone or do you get symptoms? When you had it, did it come and go in waves or was it nonstop miserable the whole time you had it? I could certainly use some reassurance. I'm having to take an rx steroid eye drop right now and its caused my anxiety to go through the roof during this wave. As a result I'm thinking  very negatively at the moment, using the "p" word ("permanent") a lot.

 

I know that you're headed toward a bright future and I don't want to trigger you, but if you feel you can, could you please keep updating your progress? Seems most people jump, then disappear until they sometimes show up on the success story thread, which is understandable. This is a very traumatic thing to go through. But because of that, very little is known about what goes on in between jump and healing. I completely understand if you don't feel you can or should stay in contact on here, but if you choose to do so, it would really help a lot of people, myself included.

 

Anyway, I am so happy that you are near the end of this journey. Blessings and best wishes for the wonderful life ahead. Hugs!!!

 

 

 Hi Dejavu,

Sorry for the delayed reply.  How are you? Thank you for your kind words,  I am glad that I can help others to get through this difficult process of weaning of these damn drugs.

Don't panic if you occasionally get PGAD flare ups. It is bound to happen sometimes until it eventually goes away. 

It is not permanent,  because you have "window", periods.  PGAD flare ups is common. It happened to me as well.

 

Be careful with suppliments too and note what are your triggers.

Stress can bring it on too. It is very traumatic to go through this process,  but you can do it. Everyone has the power in them selves to really dig deep and get through the difficult situation. 

No one is better or tougher than someone else. At the moment I love listening to Lauren Ostrowski Fenton on You Tube. She is an Australian councelor amd has a meditation chanel. It has helped with my anxiety. Let me know what you think. Everyone has the strength within themselves to persevere in the times of difficulty,  it is only a matter of choice.  Stay focused and believe in yourself and have faith and hope. My kids were my strength and I choose to fight for my kids and family. 

I can't say that since I have gotten off Mitrazapine, I am still not 100% me. But I can laugh and joke, like I used to, I caught a glimpse of my old self the other day.  I thought I must be slowly coming back to the factory setting. Lol!

 My brain plays up from time to time,  that is expected. 

I try not to beat myself over it. My sleep could be better,  I might try melatonin suppliment.  Does it help with anxiety? I do enjoy not having to think or take Mitrazapine on daily basis, or think about getting a script and pharmacy shopping,  feeling like a drug addict.

I kind of expected the weight to dramatically drop off me, but so far only minor changes and at least my undies are not too thight any more. Lol!

I will keep you posted with my progress. Have a great day, 

Take care, 

Hopefull.❤️

[Dejavu]

@Hopefull, thank you so so so much for your message! I need it now like you wouldn't believe. I'm still not stable 4.5 months after reinstatement and I'm so afraid I never will be. Only having partial and very brief windows and symptoms I haven't had in months are coming back. I'm so tired and I don't want to fight anymore. When I wake up, I'm disappointed that I'm still alive. Sorry to be such a downer. 

[Vonnegutjunky]

I also had an adverse reaction to my meds. I am slowly tapering. 

 

Just wanted to say your thread has given me a lot of hope! Thank you 🙏 

[Hopefull]

On 3/21/2019 at 4:53 PM, Vonnegutjunky said:

I also had an adverse reaction to my meds. I am slowly tapering. 

 

Just wanted to say your thread has given me a lot of hope! Thank you 🙏 

 

You are most welcome.  You will get better,  but unfortunately,  it does take time.  Keep going and don't give up. 

Best wishes,  Hopefull.

[Hopefull]

It has been almost 3 months since I got off Mirt.

I really thought my life would be so much better. 

But I still have not lost the weight that I have gained from Mirt.

It is really bothering me now. I kind of expected it to start dropping off me, but so far nothing. 

Has this happened to anyone else? 

Sorry if this sounds trivial /petty. I know some people are going through hell right now. But this weight thing is bothering me,  especially because I just want to be "me"  again. 

 

[Dejavu]

It doesn't sound trivial at all. It is soooo wrong that we have to deal with the consequences of taking this rat poison for so long after stopping it. You have every right to live the life you want, especially after such a long, hard-fought battle to regain your health. I am sorry the weight loss is taking so long.

 

Have you been able to lose any weight at all? Perhaps an endocrinologist could help you jump start your metabolism again. 

[marie123]

Hi Hopeful. It doesn't sound trivial to me at all. Lately I lost some weight. I had dental work where I had to eat a soft diet for a couple weeks. That helped. I also started going back to the gym and some more of the weight came off. So I'm on a roll lol. You can lose weight just start small and get a bit of exercise, walking is great. I gained lots of weight from mirt/ambien/trazodone. I tried on some clothes that were way to tight and was able to zip them now finally. These meds ruin our body. I feel better and better the less meds are floating around my system. The fastest way to lose weight is to lower carbs I've found. Don't give up, you will be "you" again.

 

Marie

[Hopefull]

On 5/16/2019 at 4:05 PM, Dejavu said:

It doesn't sound trivial at all. It is soooo wrong that we have to deal with the consequences of taking this rat poison for so long after stopping it. You have every right to live the life you want, especially after such a long, hard-fought battle to regain your health. I am sorry the weight loss is taking so long.

 

Have you been able to lose any weight at all? Perhaps an endocrinologist could help you jump start your metabolism again. 

 

Hi Dejavu,

Thank you for stopping by. 

My stomach has gone down a bit.  I dont look as bloated. I have not gained any more weight,  I am just stuck in the middle, not feeling like me. I feel these drugs have stuffed up my body. I have gained weight around my tummy and I didn't have it before meds. It has gone down a bit,  but not how I was. I feel a bit petty, considering where I was mentally  5 years ago. But just want to weight to go, so I can feel like my old self. Honestly,  I feel like mirt has deformed my body.

I am going to see my doctor and have some blood work done. 

Maybe in couple of months time,  my weight might start to shift.

Is mirt still in my system after almost 3 months? 

Thank you for your support.  I hope that you are doing well. 

Xo 

[Hopefull]

12 hours ago, marie123 said:

Hi Hopeful. It doesn't sound trivial to me at all. Lately I lost some weight. I had dental work where I had to eat a soft diet for a couple weeks. That helped. I also started going back to the gym and some more of the weight came off. So I'm on a roll lol. You can lose weight just start small and get a bit of exercise, walking is great. I gained lots of weight from mirt/ambien/trazodone. I tried on some clothes that were way to tight and was able to zip them now finally. These meds ruin our body. I feel better and better the less meds are floating around my system. The fastest way to lose weight is to lower carbs I've found. Don't give up, you will be "you" again.

 

Marie

 

Hi Marie,

I am really happy for you that you have managed to lose weight after meds.

I found being on mirt has made me put on weight around my tummy. Did this happen to you? I had to wear loose tops, to cover my tummy, because I looked like I was 3 months pregnant.  Before mirt, my tummy was flat. I could wear fitted clothing.  I am hoping things will settle down in time. 

Thank you for your support.  Xo

[marie123]

Oh yes bloated belly for sure. You only looked 3 months pregnant, but I looked 6 months pregnant. It's called benzo belly in the benzo world, but I've found it happens with AD's too. Sometimes I can literally watch my belly "blow up" if I eat the wrong food (usually lots of carbs). Some of the weight is edema weight which I've gotten in my ankles, knees, wrists, etc. (water weight). This comes from remeron along with the trazodone I was taking. I bought lots of sweatpants and bigger tops and stopped weighing myself. I knew I had to get through the ambien/traz w/d first and take a rest before the next taper. During this time feeling a little better I got some exercise and started noticing a difference, so I'm going to keep going. I was waiting for a time I could push myself to start living more normally.  I'll see if I can continue during a slow taper off rem. Listen, you've done a remarkable job stopping zoloft and remeron. That's no easy feat. Use that determination to lose the weight.

 

Marie.

[Hopefull]

16 hours ago, marie123 said:

Oh yes bloated belly for sure. You only looked 3 months pregnant, but I looked 6 months pregnant. It's called benzo belly in the benzo world, but I've found it happens with AD's too. Sometimes I can literally watch my belly "blow up" if I eat the wrong food (usually lots of carbs). Some of the weight is edema weight which I've gotten in my ankles, knees, wrists, etc. (water weight). This comes from remeron along with the trazodone I was taking. I bought lots of sweatpants and bigger tops and stopped weighing myself. I knew I had to get through the ambien/traz w/d first and take a rest before the next taper. During this time feeling a little better I got some exercise and started noticing a difference, so I'm going to keep going. I was waiting for a time I could push myself to start living more normally.  I'll see if I can continue during a slow taper off rem. Listen, you've done a remarkable job stopping zoloft and remeron. That's no easy feat. Use that determination to lose the weight.

 

Marie.

 

Hi Marie,

Mitrazapine tends to "puff", you up.

It is all the fluffy, puffy, weight. 

I guess it takes a while to de-puff, lol!

How are you doing with the Mirt taper?

Thank you for your advice. 

I am going to start walking more. I used to walk a lot,  it helped to get my mind off things.  

By the end of this year, hopefully,  I will feel like myself again. 

Take care,

Hopefull.

 

[marie123]

Hi Hopefull. I haven't started yet, but in the next few months depending how I'm feeling. I think it will be some time in June. It will be 4 months from traz at that point. I'm going slow, slow, slow at the start. Mirt has a long half life and I don't want w/d to pile up. I'll get a good feel for the taper at no more than 5% monthly, and then hopefully adjust to bigger cuts if I can. Yeah, fluffy and puffy is mirt weight. My ankles and knees are better after traz, not as puffy with water retention, does't hurt much.

 

Marie

[Hopefull]

On 5/19/2019 at 3:14 AM, marie123 said:

Hi Hopefull. I haven't started yet, but in the next few months depending how I'm feeling. I think it will be some time in June. It will be 4 months from traz at that point. I'm going slow, slow, slow at the start. Mirt has a long half life and I don't want w/d to pile up. I'll get a good feel for the taper at no more than 5% monthly, and then hopefully adjust to bigger cuts if I can. Yeah, fluffy and puffy is mirt weight. My ankles and knees are better after traz, not as puffy with water retention, does't hurt much.

 

Marie

Congratulations for getting off Traz. It is tricky tappering off Mitrzapine. I used to get a script for SolTab, and it got discontinued towards the end of my taper.

Good luck with tappering off Mirr. I am sure that you will do well.

Take care, Hopefull .

[Carmie]

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Thanks for coming over to my thread. It’s nice to read that you are seeing glimpses of your old self again. These meds really do change us, don’t they? 

 

I’m sorry you’re struggling to lose weight. Does what you eat not make a difference? I put on a lot of weight because of the Seroquel, but I managed to lose it. I went up to 73kg, and my average weight was around 58kg. I don’t think I’ve ever been 73kg. Was so glad to get rid of the excess weight. You can do it too!

 

Could you please update your signature, so we can see how you got off the mirtazapine. Thank you. 

 

Hope you have a good day, and all the best with losing the weight.💚 

[Hopefull]

On 6/15/2019 at 10:56 AM, Carmie said:

Hi Hopefull, 

 

Thanks for coming over to my thread. It’s nice to read that you are seeing glimpses of your old self again. These meds really do change us, don’t they? 

 

I’m sorry you’re struggling to lose weight. Does what you eat not make a difference? I put on a lot of weight because of the Seroquel, but I managed to lose it. I went up to 73kg, and my average weight was around 58kg. I don’t think I’ve ever been 73kg. Was so glad to get rid of the excess weight. You can do it too!

 

Could you please update your signature, so we can see how you got off the mirtazapine. Thank you. 

 

Hope you have a good day, and all the best with losing the weight.💚 

 

Hi Carmie,

I think I have lost a little bit of weight. I was 60kg before meds, and I am probably around 72kg now. I have not weighed my self for a long time. 

But I used to wear size 8 to 10 Australian suze, now 12 and it bugs me a lot.  I have always been slim and I have gained weight around the middle section,  which is not normal for me 

Did this happen to you? I don't eat a lot of junk,  I eat normal like I used to before meds, so I am hoping in time the weight will drop.

I probably need to exercise more. 

How long did it take you to lose the weight? 

Thank you for stopping by my thread. 

I will update my signature one of these days. I have to go through my thread and write down the dates. I am feeling lazy to do that right now. Take care  Hopefull. 

 

[Carmie]

58 minutes ago, Hopefull said:

 

Hi Carmie,

I think I have lost a little bit of weight. I was 60kg before meds, and I am probably around 72kg now. I have not weighed my self for a long time. 

But I used to wear size 8 to 10 Australian suze, now 12 and it bugs me a lot.  I have always been slim and I have gained weight around the middle section,  which is not normal for me 

Did this happen to you? I don't eat a lot of junk,  I eat normal like I used to before meds, so I am hoping in time the weight will drop.

I probably need to exercise more. 

How long did it take you to lose the weight? 

Thank you for stopping by my thread. 

I will update my signature one of these days. I have to go through my thread and write down the dates. I am feeling lazy to do that right now. Take care  Hopefull. 

 

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

I’m sure you’ll eventually get down to your ideal weight. It just takes time and figuring out something that works for you. It’s all trial and error. I don’t remember how long it took to lose the weight the meds put on, but the weight fell off when I started on the autoimmune protocol, I’m not on it any more. It was pretty much paleo, but stricter. I went on it for my health, I have CFS, but a side effect was I started losing weight. It’s not a good idea to go on anything extreme in withdrawals, so I eased into it slowly. We all have to listen to our bodies, what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. 

 

I also did intermittent fasting where I only ate within a six hour period. Again, one needs to be careful in withdrawals, and ease into things slowly if they decide to do them. A lot of people in withdrawals need to eat regularly, but I actually do okay with eating within a six hour period. I’m not doing intermittent fasting now, but I don’t eat until midday. I’m not even hungry until midday which shows my blood sugar levels are stable. 

 

I didn’t exercise to lose weight, I find I don’t need to anyway. I can’t do a lot of physical stuff because of my illness, if I do too much I crash and can’t move at all. My only exercise is gentle walking, though at a concert I’ll have a bit of a dance.💃💃😁

 

 

Here’s to you becoming a size eight to ten again, and getting to your ideal weight. ⚖️😁( This is the only scale emoji I could find🤣)

 

Sendng hugs🤗

[Hopefull]

On 6/22/2019 at 9:43 AM, Carmie said:

 

Hi Hopefull, 

 

I’m sure you’ll eventually get down to your ideal weight. It just takes time and figuring out something that works for you. It’s all trial and error. I don’t remember how long it took to lose the weight the meds put on, but the weight fell off when I started on the autoimmune protocol, I’m not on it any more. It was pretty much paleo, but stricter. I went on it for my health, I have CFS, but a side effect was I started losing weight. It’s not a good idea to go on anything extreme in withdrawals, so I eased into it slowly. We all have to listen to our bodies, what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. 

 

I also did intermittent fasting where I only ate within a six hour period. Again, one needs to be careful in withdrawals, and ease into things slowly if they decide to do them. A lot of people in withdrawals need to eat regularly, but I actually do okay with eating within a six hour period. I’m not doing intermittent fasting now, but I don’t eat until midday. I’m not even hungry until midday which shows my blood sugar levels are stable. 

 

I didn’t exercise to lose weight, I find I don’t need to anyway. I can’t do a lot of physical stuff because of my illness, if I do too much I crash and can’t move at all. My only exercise is gentle walking, though at a concert I’ll have a bit of a dance.💃💃😁

 

 

Here’s to you becoming a size eight to ten again, and getting to your ideal weight. ⚖️😁( This is the only scale emoji I could find🤣)

 

Sendng hugs🤗

Hi Carmie,

Thank you so much for your encouragement.  💗 Hopefully my weight will come down eventually. 

Last Saturday I wasn't feeling well.  I had a horrible anxiety,  I was triggered by an unfortunate event.  My friends husband passed away. 

I just woke up in the middle of the night,  and I was not thinking about it , but I just woke up with the WDS anxiety. 

I am finding that 4 months out, I am getting easily triggered and it is the kind of anxiety that makes me want to jump out of my skin. 

At those times,  I am finding it hard to cope. One would think that you get stronger as the time goes by, but I am feeling negative latley. It is those damn thoughts,  "When is this going to finally end"?  I really would like to hear from people that have jumped off their meds, if they have encountered similar thoughts /feelings? 

It is like WDS pops up randomly,  and it makes it harder to cope even though I have felt good for a while.  

It is like I get random anxiety attacks and have to find strategies to cope. 

The anxiety that I get is nothing like the anxiety I felt before the meds. I literally feel a chemical shift in my brain.   It bothers me that I have still not returned to the baseline.  

I am feeling better,  since last Saturday,  but riding the anxiety attacks is exhausting. 

I had expectation that once I get off Mitrazapine, things will get better.  My expectations have not really been met. I thought that the anxiety attacks would dissappear. I was hoping that the triggers would finally dissappear.

Maybe I just need to be more patient.

 

[Dejavu]

Hopefull, I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your friend's spouse. My condolences to her.

 

Of course, at only 4 months off, this would be highly triggering to you. Sorry you're still struggling with weight and anxiety issues. I think there must be a certain mental "holding of the breath" after the final dose, which I'm sure it is vexing. I know you're tired. You've been through a lot with the adverse reactions, and the thought of the road being bumpy for a bit longer is disappointing. But you ran a great race. Your taper was slow and careful. I'll bet you start to see improvements in no time at all. Best of all - you are free! You're going to be just fine.

 

Please don't go anywhere. I'll be checking on you. You were a trememdous help to me when I was in the thick of it and I'll never forget your kindness. 

[Hopefull]

On 7/9/2019 at 4:26 PM, Dejavu said:

Hopefull, I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your friend's spouse. My condolences to her.

 

Of course, at only 4 months off, this would be highly triggering to you. Sorry you're still struggling with weight and anxiety issues. I think there must be a certain mental "holding of the breath" after the final dose, which I'm sure it is vexing. I know you're tired. You've been through a lot with the adverse reactions, and the thought of the road being bumpy for a bit longer is disappointing. But you ran a great race. Your taper was slow and careful. I'll bet you start to see improvements in no time at all. Best of all - you are free! You're going to be just fine.

 

Please don't go anywhere. I'll be checking on you. You were a trememdous help to me when I was in the thick of it and I'll never forget your kindness. 

 

Hi Dejavu,

You are always so kind to me. I really appreciate your support too.  

I think that it is expected that I will experience random anxiety poping up here and there. 

I still get easily triggered.  My hormones are all over the shop. 

On Sunday,  I got triggered by some weird random guy loitering around the soccer ground,  where my son was playing soccer. He was way too close to my self and another Mum,  and I felt unsafe and got triggered. 

When is this triggering going to stop?

I'm over the whole thing.  It is just a nuisance,  because I have to drink a lot of water to stop my self from feeling vulnerable, exposed.

Before the game I was feeling good for the last couple of days and then something sets me off. Then I have to regroup again. 

Hopefully next year it will be a completely different ball game. 

Now I understand why it took Alto 10 years to recover.  I have a feeling that will be me. Almost 6 years going through this crap and counting. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dejavu]

8 hours ago, Hopefull said:

Now I understand why it took Alto 10 years to recover.  I have a feeling that will be me. Almost 6 years going through this crap and counting. 

Nah, it won't take you that long. Alto CT'd from Paxil. Her case was extreme. You did a slow careful taper from mirt. Apples and oranges. 

 

I'd be willing to bet that you'll be writing your success story in 8 months. Keep the faith - the best thing is that you are med free. It's all going to get better from here.

[ten0275]

Hey @Hopefull, if it’s any consolation, I just wanted to add that the passing of a friend’s spouse and a random loitering stranger in close proximity are very normal, anxiety-provoking and triggering events even for the most robust nervous systems. I find myself in similar situations and my response is really the same as yours. I think our challenge in our post-mirtazapine lives is to become good translators of the anxiety we feel, to begin processing the anxiety as the defense mechanism it is without it carrying us away. In withdrawal, our ability to do this is completely skewed because a lot of our regulating tools are impeded and vulnerable. And now to varying degrees, we are rightfully scarred by the not-too-distant memory of the out-of-control anxiety that came from our unregulated nervous systems. We still need to see ourselves as somewhat “fragile flowers” I’ve found, while at the same time understanding that the scars we’ve accrued in withdrawal actually make us stronger. We are stronger and more resilient than we even know, and every day we continue into healing, that is even more-so.

I have to agree with @Dejavu, I know your success story is closer at hand than you think.

Hang in there Brave fellow traveler! We’ve got this. A day at a time.

 

Dave

[Hopefull]

12 hours ago, Dejavu said:

Nah, it won't take you that long. Alto CT'd from Paxil. Her case was extreme. You did a slow careful taper from mirt. Apples and oranges. 

 

I'd be willing to bet that you'll be writing your success story in 8 months. Keep the faith - the best thing is that you are med free. It's all going to get better from here.

Hi Dejavu,

I really hope that you are right.  When I feel good, I feel great. As soon as I am triggered,  I start to think negatively. 

I really hope that by next year the triggers will become less. 

The problem is when you are doing great for a while and then something hits yoy randomly. I know that I have made a huge progress compared to 6 years ago,  but I am still waiting to be completely symptom free.

I guess that day will come.  Thank you for your positive outlook. 

 

 

 

[Hopefull]

11 hours ago, ten0275 said:

Hey @Hopefull, if it’s any consolation, I just wanted to add that the passing of a friend’s spouse and a random loitering stranger in close proximity are very normal, anxiety-provoking and triggering events even for the most robust nervous systems. I find myself in similar situations and my response is really the same as yours. I think our challenge in our post-mirtazapine lives is to become good translators of the anxiety we feel, to begin processing the anxiety as the defense mechanism it is without it carrying us away. In withdrawal, our ability to do this is completely skewed because a lot of our regulating tools are impeded and vulnerable. And now to varying degrees, we are rightfully scarred by the not-too-distant memory of the out-of-control anxiety that came from our unregulated nervous systems. We still need to see ourselves as somewhat “fragile flowers” I’ve found, while at the same time understanding that the scars we’ve accrued in withdrawal actually make us stronger. We are stronger and more resilient than we even know, and every day we continue into healing, that is even more-so.

I have to agree with @Dejavu, I know your success story is closer at hand than you think.

Hang in there Brave fellow traveler! We’ve got this. A day at a time.

 

Dave

 

Hi Dave,

It is always really nice to hear from you. 

You put everything so eloquently and beautifully into words.

It is comforting to know that you are experiencing similar symptoms as me.

Do you ever experience vulnerable feeling after being triggered? 

When I get randomly  triggered,  I feel vulnerable,  accompanied with the fear of losing my mind. 

It is kinda weird.  You are right.  Our nervous system is still delicate,  stronger than in the early stages of WDS, but still not fully healed. 

You are spot on in regards to being mentally scared from the early stages of the WDS. I still experience random reminders, like the random triggers.

For the most part I feel good,  then when random things pop up,  it makes me feel anxious. 

How are you doing?  What are your current symptoms?  At least we are med free and hopefully things will get better from now on. 

Thank you for your support. 

Take care,  Hopefull

[ten0275]

Hey @Hopefull,

 

Oh, of course I feel vulnerable after being triggered. That is really normal I think. We're all vulnerable to a degree. Withdrawal makes that vulnerability even more palpable. Why would you not fear losing your mind? In withdrawal, we lose our minds time and time again, but the fact that we are here now, writing coherently about what we are experiencing, is all the proof we need to see that we were able to find our minds again.

Let me give you an example of something that happened to me recently. At my job two weeks ago, I was asked by my supervisor to give a presentation on a topic I know very well. I've never been particularly comfortable with public speaking. My voice wavers, my hands get a little shaky, my pulse rises, I need to use the restroom repeatedly, I get anxious. One of the scariest parts of withdrawal for me was that I felt that I had lost my "anxiety ceiling." That's what I call the barrier that sort of stops the rise of anxiety at a certain point. I would, in early withdrawal, grow ever more anxious and wait for it to hit the ceiling where it would stop, but it wouldn't stop. It was truly terrifying to me. And just as I had been used to having an "anxiety ceiling" in the past, I became used to not having one. Meaning that every time I felt anxiety, I expected that it would rise out of control, painfully. On the morning of my presentation, I seriously considered backing out. But decided to take it a step at a time. As people started filing into the room and phoning in to participate in the meeting, I felt the anxiety begin to rise. And it triggered me into thinking, "there is no ceiling, this anxiety is going to just keep rising and I won't be able to do this." But at a certain point, I was ecstatic to find that the ceiling was indeed there again, because the anxiety reached a certain level and just stayed there until I was well into my presentation, at which point, it began to settle. And I was able to deliver the presentation I needed to, answer follow up questions, and walk out of the room feeling like I had accomplished something meaningful.

So this is what we are challenged to do. To become more comfortable, and more trusting that the mechanisms we have to control these very normal human emotions are once again falling back into place. We lost them in withdrawal, and even before withdrawal with the use of the drugs, but they are returning. There are still times where I become overwhelmed and need to hide myself away for a few hours, but I can very clearly see the improvement. And though it is hard to trust, I am starting to find my footing in the knowledge that I am not the same Dave I was so much earlier in withdrawal. Healing has, and is, happening in degrees.

My symptoms now are ok, thank you for asking! I still have some weight I would like to shed. Not a bunch, but some. I still occasionally have restless legs, and there are some nights where sleep is harder to come by. And some days there is some underlying anxiety. But nearly a month and a half off of mirtazapine, I have few complaints. I'm not looking for amazing, just better, and things are so clearly better now.

Hang in there my friend!

Dave

[Hopefull]

19 hours ago, ten0275 said:

Hey @Hopefull,

 

Oh, of course I feel vulnerable after being triggered. That is really normal I think. We're all vulnerable to a degree. Withdrawal makes that vulnerability even more palpable. Why would you not fear losing your mind? In withdrawal, we lose our minds time and time again, but the fact that we are here now, writing coherently about what we are experiencing, is all the proof we need to see that we were able to find our minds again.

Let me give you an example of something that happened to me recently. At my job two weeks ago, I was asked by my supervisor to give a presentation on a topic I know very well. I've never been particularly comfortable with public speaking. My voice wavers, my hands get a little shaky, my pulse rises, I need to use the restroom repeatedly, I get anxious. One of the scariest parts of withdrawal for me was that I felt that I had lost my "anxiety ceiling." That's what I call the barrier that sort of stops the rise of anxiety at a certain point. I would, in early withdrawal, grow ever more anxious and wait for it to hit the ceiling where it would stop, but it wouldn't stop. It was truly terrifying to me. And just as I had been used to having an "anxiety ceiling" in the past, I became used to not having one. Meaning that every time I felt anxiety, I expected that it would rise out of control, painfully. On the morning of my presentation, I seriously considered backing out. But decided to take it a step at a time. As people started filing into the room and phoning in to participate in the meeting, I felt the anxiety begin to rise. And it triggered me into thinking, "there is no ceiling, this anxiety is going to just keep rising and I won't be able to do this." But at a certain point, I was ecstatic to find that the ceiling was indeed there again, because the anxiety reached a certain level and just stayed there until I was well into my presentation, at which point, it began to settle. And I was able to deliver the presentation I needed to, answer follow up questions, and walk out of the room feeling like I had accomplished something meaningful.

So this is what we are challenged to do. To become more comfortable, and more trusting that the mechanisms we have to control these very normal human emotions are once again falling back into place. We lost them in withdrawal, and even before withdrawal with the use of the drugs, but they are returning. There are still times where I become overwhelmed and need to hide myself away for a few hours, but I can very clearly see the improvement. And though it is hard to trust, I am starting to find my footing in the knowledge that I am not the same Dave I was so much earlier in withdrawal. Healing has, and is, happening in degrees.

My symptoms now are ok, thank you for asking! I still have some weight I would like to shed. Not a bunch, but some. I still occasionally have restless legs, and there are some nights where sleep is harder to come by. And some days there is some underlying anxiety. But nearly a month and a half off of mirtazapine, I have few complaints. I'm not looking for amazing, just better, and things are so clearly better now.

Hang in there my friend!

Dave

 

Thank you so much Dave for your response.  I completely understand you in terms of feeling vulnerable when the anxiety hits. At those times,  I also feel like I need to hide away somewhere to feel safe. It is fantastic that you managed to get though the presentation. I would love to lose the weight that I put on too. I have lost a little bit.  Hopefully it will slowly dissappear for both of us. 

I was wondering whether you have tried magnesium oil spray for the resless legs?

I am wondering if it would help you if you can tolerate magnesium? 

I will keep your statement in mind, that you are not looking for it to be amazing,  but better .

I have to remind myself of it.

But hey, if it becomes amazing,  I won't complain!  Lol!

Happy healing for both of us.

Cheers, Hopefull.

 

 

 

[India]

@Hopefull It would be great to hear an update from you?