☼ lobster: fight or flight

[Pepita]

Well yes, pretty obvious AD´s mess everything up. My story started 10 years ago with light panic attacks that did´t hinder me with studying or social life - and over the years with taking pills everything got worse. Now I am done with pills for good I can tell you. And surviving Withdrawal has shown me how much I can take. The way you write it seems to me that you are constantly completely hung up with researching and being afraid of symptoms/issues ..which is totally understandable - we´ve all been there or are there from time to time. Only problem is, this MAKES IT SO SO SO SO SOOOO MUCH WORSE. I am that kind of person - I think about things that could be and then I get trapped in these thoughts and completely freak out. I think it very good that you're seeing a specialist and get help outside of your own ideas - I´d try to find a therapist as well to deal with these constant worries. Not a classical talking therapy, maybe CBT or Coach or whatever and actually focus on everything else BUT all those issues. Have you read "A Life At Last" by Paul David? He suffered from anxiety over 10 years and overcame them by the "simple" technique of not trying to get better anymore. I know it is very hard to focus on good things or try to live a "normal life" when everything is so unbearable and hard but I promise you that this is a certain road to get better. You can´t change having this REM Disorder, you can only change the way you handle it. I also found a very helpful chanel on youtube, I love his programs- here are the links: 

And this guy is awesome too: 

[AliG]

L. What was you doctor's reasoning for labeling you with this particular disorder ?  What did he base his diagnosis on ?  Did he do a test ? If so - which one ?

 

REM behavior disorder is where you possibly act out your dreams, fly out of bed, talk, shout, scream, hit and or punch causing injury to yourself and/ or a partner.

 

Do you feel you are doing that ? What symptoms do you have ?

 

I think Chessie means have you read all the sleep topic links ? There are many different and varied disturbances to sleep throughout withdrawal and it pays to read the information available to familiarize yourself with what is possible in terms of sleep symptoms and also the various measures you can take to try to counteract them.

[lobster]

Well yes, pretty obvious AD´s mess everything up. My story started 10 years ago with light panic attacks that did´t hinder me with studying or social life - and over the years with taking pills everything got worse. Now I am done with pills for good I can tell you. And surviving Withdrawal has shown me how much I can take. The way you write it seems to me that you are constantly completely hung up with researching and being afraid of symptoms/issues ..which is totally understandable - we´ve all been there or are there from time to time. Only problem is, this MAKES IT SO SO SO SO SOOOO MUCH WORSE. I am that kind of person - I think about things that could be and then I get trapped in these thoughts and completely freak out. I think it very good that you're seeing a specialist and get help outside of your own ideas - I´d try to find a therapist as well to deal with these constant worries. Not a classical talking therapy, maybe CBT or Coach or whatever and actually focus on everything else BUT all those issues. Have you read "A Life At Last" by Paul David? He suffered from anxiety over 10 years and overcame them by the "simple" technique of not trying to get better anymore. I know it is very hard to focus on good things or try to live a "normal life" when everything is so unbearable and hard but I promise you that this is a certain road to get better. You can´t change having this REM Disorder, you can only change the way you handle it. I also found a very helpful chanel on youtube, I love his programs- here are the links: 

And this guy is awesome too: 

Thank you  and yes your right I do a ton of research trying to understand and figure out what is going on and that only makes the problem worse . When I'm feeling better I never research things and in times like this that's all I seem to do . I need to stop it ., I need something like AA for research lol. I freak my self out . 

[Happy2Heal]

 

I'm sorry but I don't understand what your saying ? I feel terrible because last night I broke down and took a xanax . I laid in bed for hours with muscle twitches and body jumps but couldn't get into sleep . I'm getting desperate. I did sleep after a little bit with the Xanax but I feel so guilty now . I'm very up set because I fear my natural sleep is gone . This diagnosis of RBD doesn't help . They want to treat it with nightly Clonopin or Melatonin. The problem is two fold , The RBD is made worse by anxiety. But at this point I have lost the ability to feel sleepy to go to sleep . Like I said last night all I did was twitch all over and couldn't even initiate sleep and it was  hours of trying . Before I took any thing . Tonight I'm not taking any thing I don't care If I sleep or not . I just thought it might help to get some consecutive sleep maybe not .

 

lobster, you had one good night of sleep, so you know it's possible.

I understand your concern about this being an on going problem but as others have said, the only way to get it to improve is to stop focusing on it so much.

 

I was miserable from having so little sleep, but that just made each night worse.

I finally had to convince myself that  it did not matter if I slept or not. This was not easy to do, but the better I got at NOT thinking about sleep, the more rest I got.

It's been 6 mos now and I am still not sleeping more than 4 (often broken) hrs of sleep at night. Last night, I slept for only 2 or 2 1/2 hrs. but I'm not upset. I'm not going to get upset, because that will make me miserable not just at night, but all day long too, thinking about if I'll sleep or not.

 

I know it's hard, but you need to find something else to think about. Do you like to read? If you could lay down with a good book and really get interested in it, chances are your body will just naturally drift off.

I too, have the loss of appetite and the not feeling tired, or sleepy, at all, in spite of very little sleep. it's quite disconcerting, but it's not dangerous and it's not permanent.

 

please remember how far you have already come, and how you were able to sleep just fine many times.

 

REMEMBER THE GOOD SLEEP and focus on that, and it will return.

 

when you're anxious about not sleeping, it's easy to forget that you've already been able to do it.

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT AGAIN

 

I have found, as others will tell you, that you need to focus on what is good in your healing, and it will grow.

As much as you possibly can, IGNORE what isn't going the way you wish it would, and focus on what you can do.

 

this will help relax you and remind yourself of how far you've come and how well you've done. You are going to get thru this, and you're going to be ok.

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

 

I need something like AA for research lol. I freak my self out .

 

hahaha, I think we ALL do this!

it's so easy to get ourselves worked up about what might happen, that's why I strongly encourage you to look back at how far you've come and how well you've done.

you're going to get thru this and you're going to be FINE

 

I hope that you can find a good therapist who can address your anxiety issues.

I am getting a lot of help with that thru yoga and mindfulness classes etc.

anything that gets your mind off your troubles and focuses on good stuff, is well wort the time and effort

 

hang in there, it's going to get better

[lobster]

L. What was you doctor's reasoning for labeling you with this particular disorder ?  What did he base his diagnosis on ?  Did he do a test ? If so - which one ?

 

REM behavior disorder is where you possibly act out your dreams, fly out of bed, talk, shout, scream, hit and or punch causing injury to yourself and/ or a partner.

 

Do you feel you are doing that ? What symptoms do you have ?

 

I think Chessie means have you read all the sleep topic links ? There are many different and varied disturbances to sleep throughout withdrawal and it pays to read the information available to familiarize yourself with what is possible in terms of sleep symptoms and also the measures to try to counteract them.

When I was a kid I started seeing spiders when I would wake up. As I got older I would set up in bed and talk to my wife and not even know it , she would say lay back down and go to sleep and I would . One time my mother in law cam to the house and I was on the couch I sat up and stared at her and had no idea I was doing it until she left . things like that . About two years ago while in tapering wd I had my first visions as I tried to sleep , shapes triangles circles squares . I didn't have any more visions until I was completely off lexapro for about two months . I couldn't sleep and had some anxiety when I closed my eyes I had all kinds of visions and it was of things moving very fast . Those things have been happening more frequent . I'am jumping out of bed now and have ended up on the floor a couple times . Recently on two occasions I  have seen things , one night I thought I saw a man go int the wall , the next time I thought I saw a cougar and yelled hey hey at it . Some nights I will kind of fall asleep an open my eyes and things are moving rapidly back and forth . This all seems to happen with in the first little while of being asleep . Some times the visions happen as soon as I close my eyes I'm aware of it if I stay with the visions then it eventually just goes black after maybe 5 seconds then I open my eyes . If I open my eyes as soon as it starts it stops immediately . I don't tend to have a lot of memorable dreams. they said that is one thing with RBD , My dreams aren't very violent or things like that and a lot of times I don't remember my dreams . I went threw a little while a month or go that I was dreaming a lot but figured it could be to to the fact that antidepressants suppress REM sleep and maybe it was rebound REM ? I don't know just my thoughts on it .   

[lobster]

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't understand what your saying ? I feel terrible because last night I broke down and took a xanax . I laid in bed for hours with muscle twitches and body jumps but couldn't get into sleep . I'm getting desperate. I did sleep after a little bit with the Xanax but I feel so guilty now . I'm very up set because I fear my natural sleep is gone . This diagnosis of RBD doesn't help . They want to treat it with nightly Clonopin or Melatonin. The problem is two fold , The RBD is made worse by anxiety. But at this point I have lost the ability to feel sleepy to go to sleep . Like I said last night all I did was twitch all over and couldn't even initiate sleep and it was  hours of trying . Before I took any thing . Tonight I'm not taking any thing I don't care If I sleep or not . I just thought it might help to get some consecutive sleep maybe not .

 

lobster, you had one good night of sleep, so you know it's possible.

I understand your concern about this being an on going problem but as others have said, the only way to get it to improve is to stop focusing on it so much.

 

I was miserable from having so little sleep, but that just made each night worse.

I finally had to convince myself that  it did not matter if I slept or not. This was not easy to do, but the better I got at NOT thinking about sleep, the more rest I got.

It's been 6 mos now and I am still not sleeping more than 4 (often broken) hrs of sleep at night. Last night, I slept for only 2 or 2 1/2 hrs. but I'm not upset. I'm not going to get upset, because that will make me miserable not just at night, but all day long too, thinking about if I'll sleep or not.

 

I know it's hard, but you need to find something else to think about. Do you like to read? If you could lay down with a good book and really get interested in it, chances are your body will just naturally drift off.

I too, have the loss of appetite and the not feeling tired, or sleepy, at all, in spite of very little sleep. it's quite disconcerting, but it's not dangerous and it's not permanent.

 

please remember how far you have already come, and how you were able to sleep just fine many times.

 

REMEMBER THE GOOD SLEEP and focus on that, and it will return.

 

when you're anxious about not sleeping, it's easy to forget that you've already been able to do it.

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT AGAIN

 

I have found, as others will tell you, that you need to focus on what is good in your healing, and it will grow.

As much as you possibly can, IGNORE what isn't going the way you wish it would, and focus on what you can do.

 

this will help relax you and remind yourself of how far you've come and how well you've done. You are going to get thru this, and you're going to be ok.

 

I agree   I would be happy with a couple hours a night at this point but with the not feeling tired and muscle twitching and jumping I can't sleep at all with out something but maybe no sleep is better then that . I'm sorry your having a rough time with your sleep  

[AliG]

I think you have to try and separate the symptoms.

 

All kids see spiders and creepy crawlies etc. Sleepwalking , waking up in a trance etc. That's relatively normal for a lot of people. My daughter occasionally gets sleep paralysis but she has never been on a drug and certainly would not think of going to a doctor about it. It's just one of those inexplicable eccentricities of sleep.

 

For you, It seemed to ramp up 2 years ago in tapering W/D. You had visions. That is possibly a result of withdrawal. It sounds like it is medication related.

 

More importantly , how much sleep are you getting right now ?  What measures have you taken so far ?

[apace41]

Lobster,

I think what AliG, Pepita and H2H are all saying is, distilled to its essence, putting a label on this situation is really only the medical community's way of tying it to a medicine and a pharmacological solution. We can call it REM Behavior Disorder and then tie it to clonazapam as a way to deal with it but that doesn't get to any kind of "root cause" of the problem.  In fact, nobody knows why this condition happens and the suggestion that it is associated with neurological conditions is merely that -- an association and not causation.  So, the suggestion that is being made is for you to try to look at all the other aspects of sleep and calming the nervous system to see if that will help you achieve a longer-term, root cause resolution of the problem rather than going to the benzo approach.  It would seem, given the regrets you have about taking the Xanax, that this is consistent with your inner compass.

 

Rather than obsess about the days you don't sleep, as Catnapt suggests, focus on the fact that you have had pretty good sleep every other day.  Over time, if you keep the stress level lower, you can hope and expect that this becomes an every third day you can't sleep and then every fourth and, finally, you are sleeping regularly.  If you buy into the label you will say to yourself "I have RBD -- I can't sleep" and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Any condition that is diagnosed based on speculation about symptoms with no concrete means of testing and proving it is not useful to me.  The brain has a system of wiring.  As such, with time and work it can be rewired and new neural circuits created.  Whatever is causing your symptoms is due to some pattern of wiring in the brain.  I think that if you find the way to place the mind at rest you will find the answer to creating a circuit that "works around" whatever faulty circuit now exists.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed member name

[lobster]

The symptoms of visions and falling and jumping out of bed , Hollering at things have really ramped up since December of 2016. My last does of lexapro was October 8t 2016 Every thing has gone to peices since then . I have been going days with 0 sleep then the next night I would sleep 6 or 7 hours wake up off and on through that time but go back to sleep . Last night was the night that I took 1mg xanax after laying there for hours and just twitching all over . I fell asleep after a little bit and got probably 6 hours but I don't want to take xanax a gain . I have tried Melatonin it worked a couple times then not last night . Last night would have been the night I didn't sleep because i did the night before . That night I only took 3/4 milligram Melatonin . If I could get even a couple hours a night I would be all right with that . I would have never gone to the dr about the things in my sleep it doesn't really bother me to much . it's the problem I have now about not being tired or able to initiate sleep and just not sleeping . usually when those things happen in my sleep I can get back to sleep . There seems to be two separate issues going on. Maybe I just shouldn't take any thing . some times if I have been a sleep for a short time something will jump me and I will wake up with a gasp and be all shaky pupils dilated . I have had 2 years of things not being bad with my sleep . I had no confidence to sleep only in one place but it was ok I cant take naps if i do with in a few minutes i get an Adrenalin rush and I'm up shaking , I figure that's hyper vigilance .

  . 

[lobster]

Lobster,

I think what AliG, Pepita and Catnapt are all saying is, distilled to its essence, putting a label on this situation is really only the medical community's way of tying it to a medicine and a pharmacological solution. We can call it REM Behavior Disorder and then tie it to clonazapam as a way to deal with it but that doesn't get to any kind of "root cause" of the problem.  In fact, nobody knows why this condition happens and the suggestion that it is associated with neurological conditions is merely that -- an association and not causation.  So, the suggestion that is being made is for you to try to look at all the other aspects of sleep and calming the nervous system to see if that will help you achieve a longer-term, root cause resolution of the problem rather than going to the benzo approach.  It would seem, given the regrets you have about taking the Xanax, that this is consistent with your inner compass.

 

Rather than obsess about the days you don't sleep, as Catnapt suggests, focus on the fact that you have had pretty good sleep every other day.  Over time, if you keep the stress level lower, you can hope and expect that this becomes an every third day you can't sleep and then every fourth and, finally, you are sleeping regularly.  If you buy into the label you will say to yourself "I have RBD -- I can't sleep" and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Any condition that is diagnosed based on speculation about symptoms with no concrete means of testing and proving it is not useful to me.  The brain has a system of wiring.  As such, with time and work it can be rewired and new neural circuits created.  Whatever is causing your symptoms is due to some pattern of wiring in the brain.  I think that if you find the way to place the mind at rest you will find the answer to creating a circuit that "works around" whatever faulty circuit now exists.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Thanks Andy . There isn't much doubt that what's causing this is anxiety . Anxiety is what's causing me to not sleep I think , the RBD may have something to do with things once I'm starting to sleep but it cant happen unless I'm falling asleep and as of right now that's the trouble , my body wont even start to initiate sleep. it could be the fact on the night's I do sleep I get enough sleep, the next night I'm not tired . I don't want to be dependent on any thing . I tried 3/4 melatonin  last night and it didn't work so I took xanax after hours of nothing but jumps maybe I should have just not slept ?

[apace41]

As I told you when I originally suggested giving the melatonin a try, it is something that does not work for a lot of people on consecutive nights.  The goal here is to gently try to retrain your circadian rhythms so that you sleep by yourself without meds or supplements.  Now that you seem to be in the "every other night" camp (by the way, I have been there as have many others), save the melatonin for one of the "others."  Try taking it on the day you think "I'm not going to sleep" since that is the night your circadian rhythms need a little support.

 

This will work itself out, Lobster.  You need to try to stop being so fatalistic about it by telling yourself that you can't sleep, you don't get tired, you are making yourself sick, etc.  Just give it time and try not to sweat it minute to minute.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AliG]

L. I'll be honest . This thinking is not helping you. I went 2 years with very little sleep and I don't remember going into this much detail about everything. I think that's how I got through it - by not obsessing about it.

 

This is far too intense . Like you said - you need to lighten up. Just rest when you can. Try melatonin . It helped me get back into sync with sleep. Not all the time though. Get back into rhythm and then stop.

 

Edit : posted at the same time as Andy.

[lobster]

As I told you when I originally suggested giving the melatonin a try, it is something that does not work for a lot of people on consecutive nights.  The goal here is to gently try to retrain your circadian rhythms so that you sleep by yourself without meds or supplements.  Now that you seem to be in the "every other night" camp (by the way, I have been there as have many others), save the melatonin for one of the "others."  Try taking it on the day you think "I'm not going to sleep" since that is the night your circadian rhythms need a little support.

 

This will work itself out, Lobster.  You need to try to stop being so fatalistic about it by telling yourself that you can't sleep, you don't get tired, you are making yourself sick, etc.  Just give it time and try not to sweat it minute to minute.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Thanks Andy . I wont take any thing to night and If I don't sleep maybe tomorrow night. 

[lobster]

L. I'll be honest . This thinking is not helping you. I went 2 years with very little sleep and I don't remember going into this much detail about everything. I think that's how I got through it - by not obsessing about it.

 

This is far too intense . Like you said - you need to lighten up. Just rest when you can. Try melatonin . It helped me get back into sync with sleep. Not all the time though. Get back into rhythm and then stop.

 

Edit : posted at the same time as Andy.

Your right . I over think things way to much and always jump to the worse conclusions . My wife says the same thing to me lol. I guess I just need to go about my daily things and Oh well if I don't sleep now or ever . Thanks 

[lobster]

Good morning every one . My sleeping is a little better . I have been sleeping a little more regularly , I wake up quite a bit in the night but am sleeping none the less . I haven't taken any thing to sleep in a coupe days . I'm having quite a bit of morning cortisol , I haven't had trouble with that in a very long time . I still have 0 appetite and that concerns me some , I needed to loose a bunch of weight but not like this lol. I have to force my self to eat . I'm hoping every thing stabilizes soon . I cant believe I'm having this much trouble 6 month out from being off lexapro. I have been trying to practice Guided Meditation , I'm not sure I'm doing it right but I'm trying.  

[lobster]

I wish I had stayed on a little bit of lexapro and left it at that. This anxiety is killing me . I have been off for almost six months , I think it's to late to reinstate and doubt it would do much good at this point . Things have never been the same since my cold turkey of 20mg lexapro almost 5 years ago . I reinstated 20 mg after a month off and it's been hell ever since . With some stabilizing and doing very slow taper for years I finally got off . I have been totally off since October 8th and  things only seem to be getting worse . This is terrible . I hope it changes soon. 

[Happy2Heal]

just curious, when was the last time you took a benzo? perhaps your anxiety is a rebound effect?

I was going back thru your thread and there have been times when you felt ok

 

I know it's hard to remember that now, when you're not doing well, however

[lobster]

I have only take one milligram of xanax and that was 3 days ago . 

[lobster]

I was wondering if It could be rebound anxiety to . I took one milligram I believe the evening of the 23rd 

[Happy2Heal]

I don't know much about xanax or other benzos, but hopefully someone who does, can tell you if it might be causing your anxiety

 

 

did you have issues with anxiety before being on the lexapro?

[lobster]

Yes I had anxiety on the lexapro to but i't seems way worse now . I have been threw things like this before and gotten threw them but it's taken a tole on me mentally. I really feel I can't hardly cope. My derealization  is so bad Right no I can't hardly tell who I am and what things are . I really just want it to all end , I keep having these terrible thoughts and I really don't like it at all . I'm really scared I'm loosing my mind. This was my situation I have never really recovered from reinstatement of 20 mg Lexapro 5 years ago . I just managed to deal with things and slowly tapered . I might have felt better when I was on a low dose of lexapro I really don't remember but I do know things Have gone to Hell since totally being off on October 8th . I have felt like this before in my taper years ago and made it out so I probably will this time to but I'm suffering for sure . 

[lobster]

Morning up date . Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in a very long time . Last night was one of the best I have had in quite a while . I'm back on 4 nights with sleeping through , I'm waking up but less times. I have been practicing meditating and I have to say I believe it helped me yesterday . My wife made me a bunch of things to work with, to try and change my negative attitude with things, and always jumping to worse case scenario, based on fear, positive journal, things like that .   I'm working on seeing some one to do cognitive behavior for my fear of not sleeping . I have a sleep study scheduled for REM BEHAVIOR DISORDER but I think I will cancel . I only seem to have those problems when under stress . I really believe it's anxiety related . The only way they treat it is either Klonopin or Melatonin and I'm not doing that . I am also getting stressed out thinking about it . They want to give me sleeping meds to sleep there and I don't want to do that. Since things are starting to turn around some I don't want to rock the boat . I also have to work on putting labels on my self . I still have to force my self to eat and that makes me kind of sick . I was about 70 lbs over weight and I'm loosing some of that and that makes me feel healthy some but I don't want to loose to much . The thought of food is not a great one and my mouth is all dry when I try and eat . I'm sure when I start feeling better my appetite will come back. So a little more positive post today    

[Pepita]

Great that you´re doing some meditation! You´ll see - the more you meditate regularly, the better it will help! And you´re right not to do anything that does´t feel right for you. You´re lucky to have a person to be with you through these hard times! I don´t know what I´d have done without my boyfriend and my mother! The topic "Food" is the same as "Sleep" try not to focus on it:) I compare these obsessive thoughts with Sauron´s eye from Lord Od the Rings I am sure you know it...the eye ONLY SEEKS THE ONE THING!!!! It is obsessed with finding the ring. Shut this eye or focus it on something positive

[lobster]

Great that you´re doing some meditation! You´ll see - the more you meditate regularly, the better it will help! And you´re right not to do anything that does´t feel right for you. You´re lucky to have a person to be with you through these hard times! I don´t know what I´d have done without my boyfriend and my mother! The topic "Food" is the same as "Sleep" try not to focus on it:) I compare these obsessive thoughts with Sauron´s eye from Lord Od the Rings I am sure you know it...the eye ONLY SEEKS THE ONE THING!!!! It is obsessed with finding the ring. Shut this eye or focus it on something positive

Thanks  I am seeing some positive in the meditating and will make it a daily thing. Yes I feel very fortunate to have my wife by my side . Those by the way are very good movies I will try to refocus and not pay to much attention to these things .  

[lobster]

Good morning . Still having some sleep issues . I think I slept last night not really sure . It seems I woke up every hour or so and had very light sleep . I am having this numb sensation all over my body with pretty bad derealization It seems my brain is fried . I fell asleep on the couch yesterday for a short time and woke my self from snoring , I haven't done that in years and really thought I couldn't . It seems every thing is changing so fast my body can't handle it . I have changed a lot. I'm meditating  that's new  I'm trying to work on my self , Nothing is routine right now and I really feel weird and out of it . My anxiety seems in a weird place and I don't really know how I feel about it, it's not bad or good. Like I said I just feel numb all over and Inside.  I'm not sure if this is normal or not , I don't want to analyze it to much . It makes it kind of hard to sleep when I can't seem to think or feel any thing .  Thanks for listening 

[Happy2Heal]

sorry you are still struggling, but it does sound like things are gradually improving.

I can totally relate to all the changes, I am SO different than I was a year ago or even 6 mos ago. Everything seems strange, all my old ways and routines are gone. I am forging ahead with new habits, routines and coping techniques that are mostly working BUT because these are such huge changes, they feel somewhat uncomfortable and surreal, too. So many changes, it is hard for the body and mind to keep up.

 

I am finding that each day that passes, I feel a little bit more "connected" to this new reality, and a bit more relaxed about things and about the future. I doubt I'll ever go back to that drugged numbness and fogginess of the past; I am more aware of my surroundings and myself now, and esp of others, and while this is uncomfortable and new, I think it's a better place to be. hard to say just yet LOL

I hope that things will progress in a similar way for you, so that you finally feel in your body and less numb etc.

 

I have had many nights of not knowing if I slept or not, but getting up feeling like I probably got some sleep. While I sometimes now actually feel tired and can feel that wonderful "drifting off to sleep" feeling, it's still more often that I am awake and suddenly asleep, and never seem to notice the difference. It's a very odd thing, but I can tell you, at least for me, it's starting to improve. I celebrate each time I feel tired and drift off to sleep in that dreamy comfy way. I believe this kind of sleep will return for you as well.

after all, you are finally off the lexapro, I've still got 0.24 mgs to go (or up to 2 yrs, depending on how slow or fast I go)

 

your brain is healing and now your mind needs to adjust to your new reality. It can be very disorienting and somewhat scary but if you look at it as an adventure, it might make it a bit less scary and even, potentially, fun!

[lobster]

sorry you are still struggling, but it does sound like things are gradually improving.

I can totally relate to all the changes, I am SO different than I was a year ago or even 6 mos ago. Everything seems strange, all my old ways and routines are gone. I am forging ahead with new habits, routines and coping techniques that are mostly working BUT because these are such huge changes, they feel somewhat uncomfortable and surreal, too. So many changes, it is hard for the body and mind to keep up.

 

I am finding that each day that passes, I feel a little bit more "connected" to this new reality, and a bit more relaxed about things and about the future. I doubt I'll ever go back to that drugged numbness and fogginess of the past; I am more aware of my surroundings and myself now, and esp of others, and while this is uncomfortable and new, I think it's a better place to be. hard to say just yet LOL

I hope that things will progress in a similar way for you, so that you finally feel in your body and less numb etc.

 

I have had many nights of not knowing if I slept or not, but getting up feeling like I probably got some sleep. While I sometimes now actually feel tired and can feel that wonderful "drifting off to sleep" feeling, it's still more often that I am awake and suddenly asleep, and never seem to notice the difference. It's a very odd thing, but I can tell you, at least for me, it's starting to improve. I celebrate each time I feel tired and drift off to sleep in that dreamy comfy way. I believe this kind of sleep will return for you as well.

after all, you are finally off the lexapro, I've still got 0.24 mgs to go (or up to 2 yrs, depending on how slow or fast I go)

 

your brain is healing and now your mind needs to adjust to your new reality. It can be very disorienting and somewhat scary but if you look at it as an adventure, it might make it a bit less scary and even, potentially, fun!

Thank you   I can relate to every thing you said almost exactly . I rarely get tired , One minute I will be there then the next I'm asleep. I do know, I slept some, I can kind of remember dreaming . I did see a lot of different numbers on my clock though, It seems I was a wake every hour on the hour . Right now I don't know really who I am . I hope I like the new me better lol. I have been off since October 8th, and I wonder if I made the right decision . I have been noticing problems since December . I would have nights here and there where I just couldn't sleep , Not tired at all, I had been doing good with sleep for a very long time . I am noticing now to when I do physical work it's worse I don't get tired at all and I don't seem to sleep those nights . I'm a fisher men and my job is physical so that really scares me . I have thought of up dosing but that really scares me to .  When I went cold turkey on 20 mg lexapro years ago, I managed to stay off for one month and it was so horrific I went back on the full 20 mg not knowing what I was doing . I had no natural sleep for 3 months , I couldn't tell if it was from the 20mg cold turkey or going back on the 20mg . It happened after reinstatement but not long after. I'm afraid of making things worse then they are but I'm also afraid of it getting worse If I don't reinstate . It's a damned if you do or damned if you don't . 

[Happy2Heal]

I understand completely.

If I were you, and I'm not so only you will know what's the best thing to do,

but I'd hold off on doing anything, assume that things will improve (they probably WILL) and maybe set a time limit on when you'll re evaluate making a decision.

 

it sucks that your job is so physical, that may be over stimulating you. I would think that at some point, however, your body will just kick in and sleep, due to exhaustion.

If anything, I'd double down on the meditation, and anything else that can help you relax. Try as hard as you can to not think of the "what ifs" and convince yourself, as much as you can, that things WILL turn out ok.

 

I have been doing this myself, and the more I keep telling myself that things will improve, the better things get.
IF I get into an anxious, "omg I cant' stand this, will it ever end" frame of mind, things get hairy.

 

so your thoughts can have a HUGE impact on how you feel.

 

take as much time as you can to soak in all the good and positive things that are happening, and they truly will grow and get better and better

at least, so far that has been my experience

 

I try very  hard not to dwell on anything negative or uncomfortable, except to find ways to cope.

 

you are going to get thru this and you are going to be fine, in fact, I bet you're going to be GREAT

 

it's coming, and probably sooner than you think. ;-)

[lobster]

I understand completely.

If I were you, and I'm not so only you will know what's the best thing to do,

but I'd hold off on doing anything, assume that things will improve (they probably WILL) and maybe set a time limit on when you'll re evaluate making a decision.

 

it sucks that your job is so physical, that may be over stimulating you. I would think that at some point, however, your body will just kick in and sleep, due to exhaustion.

If anything, I'd double down on the meditation, and anything else that can help you relax. Try as hard as you can to not think of the "what ifs" and convince yourself, as much as you can, that things WILL turn out ok.

 

I have been doing this myself, and the more I keep telling myself that things will improve, the better things get.

IF I get into an anxious, "omg I cant' stand this, will it ever end" frame of mind, things get hairy.

 

so your thoughts can have a HUGE impact on how you feel.

 

take as much time as you can to soak in all the good and positive things that are happening, and they truly will grow and get better and better

at least, so far that has been my experience

 

I try very  hard not to dwell on anything negative or uncomfortable, except to find ways to cope.

 

you are going to get thru this and you are going to be fine, in fact, I bet you're going to be GREAT

 

it's coming, and probably sooner than you think. ;-)

Thank you so much  It's amazing what a kind word can mean. I hate the feeling of things not being real and looking very different . I have dealt with this off and on for five years now . When I go threw a time of high anxiety it happens . I do feel that physical things right now aren't helping . Thank fully my season doesn't really pick up until May or June so I have a little time to get over this . Although I have noticed the over stimulation since December. I'm really trying to work on my negativity and just staying in the moment, taking it for what it is . My throat is dry from all the berthing exercises lol I will continue on the meditating and Positive out look     

[apace41]

 

so your thoughts can have a HUGE impact on how you feel.

 

 

Great post, Catnapt!

 

In this regard, Joe Dispenza's "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" is really interesting on the Quantum and science-based reasons for this.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[lobster]

I'll have to look into that , thanks 

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed quote after member name change

[Happy2Heal]

I'll have to check that out too, Andy.

 

 

I highly recommend the book Hardwiring Happiness- super easy read but full of very useful things. I got my copy from the used books section on amazon, so it was cheap. ;-)

 

the author reinforces the ideas over and over again but not in a way that's repetitive, it just introduces a lot of different ways to do essentially the same thing.

 

I honestly think that a lot of our issues, as we get further along in our WD journey, are due to what Carol Weeks called "second fear".  plus a bit of PTSD from the acute stage :/

 

It can be hard to overcome sometimes, but it def CAN be done, and the more you work on it, the easier it becomes, til you're doing it without a lot of effort.

 

which is good, cuz apparently I'm a bit on the lazy side hahaha

[lobster]

I'll have to check that out too, Andy.

 

 

I highly recommend the book Hardwiring Happiness- super easy read but full of very useful things. I got my copy from the used books section on amazon, so it was cheap. ;-)

 

the author reinforces the ideas over and over again but not in a way that's repetitive, it just introduces a lot of different ways to do essentially the same thing.

 

I honestly think that a lot of our issues, as we get further along in our WD journey, are due to what Carol Weeks called "second fear".  plus a bit of PTSD from the acute stage :/

 

It can be hard to overcome sometimes, but it def CAN be done, and the more you work on it, the easier it becomes, til you're doing it without a lot of effort.

 

which is good, cuz apparently I'm a bit on the lazy side hahaha

I agree with the PTSD from the with drawl lol. I Just wish I knew what to do , It seems I have been going down hill since December with out really knowing it . A night here and there . Then a stressful event and now every thing has crashed down in a matter of a week and a half . I had been decent for 2 years while I slowly tapered down . The last of me taking the lexapro it was basically just a little lick of a drop lol My anxiety is in full force today and I'm trying to keep calm . maybe I will go for a walk   

[apace41]

I highly recommend the book Hardwiring Happiness- super easy read but full of very useful things. I got my copy from the used books section on amazon, so it was cheap. ;-)

 

Rick Hanson, the author, is a very sharp guy in this space where psychology and neuroscience meet up.

 

If you Google him he has some good interviews in various places, including Youtube -- see below

 

 

Best,

 

Andy

[lobster]

These look interesting, something to check out  I'm seriously wondering If I should go back on a little lexapro . my last dosage was 0.10 MG I think very small . I'm not sure if that would help me or not .