Jump to content

Sunnydays0912: scared to taper from Lexapro and Seroquel. Help!


sunnydays0912

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I'm so sorry this is so long, but I just don't want to leave anything out. Please take the time to read it and help me figure out what I should do... I'm a almost 27 year old wife and mom to 2 children under 5. Here's my story. I really need help! It started when I was 17. I developed light social anxiety. In all honesty, I was just shy in some of my classes and since my older brother was being treated for the start of his schizophrenia (he started showing signs when he was 18) my mom was quick to get me into a psychiatrist just in case.

 

He diagnosed me with mild social anxiety and started me on Lexapro. I can't remember the exact dosage, but I don't think it was more than 10mg. I started it immediately and never felt any side affects and honestly never even felt it help. But there really wasn't anything to help, so it wasn't a big deal to me. The only reason I kept taking it was because if I didn't I would get dizzy and lightheaded. Because of the dizziness, I just stayed on it for about 2 years.

 

I got engaged with my now husband right out of high school, he joined the military and we got married and moved to San Diego where he was stationed. Everything was great! Then, since I was off my parents insurance, I had to start paying a hefty co-pay for my lex. So I finally decided to wean off. I did it myself, by just skipping days and only taking small chunks of a pill when I felt dizzy. Came off it easily and forgot I ever was on it. I was 19 and happy. Couldn't wait to start a family even! However we agreed to wait.

 

So I got a job and enjoyed my time with my husband and friends. However, I didn't notice that I was actually starting to develop GAD. I became overly worried about things. Very hypochondriac without even knowing it existed. I thought I was just normally worried. And then when I was 21 my husband deployed for the first time and for 6 months. I was fine the first 2 months. And then I noticed my heart was skipping beats one night. It scared me into a full blown panic attack. I thought I was dying for sure! When it passed, I had this horrible anxiety that wouldn't let me relax. I had horrible pressure in my chest and could hardly function or eat.

 

I went to my GP dr and she was horrible. She didn't explain anything that was happening. Just told me to take Effexor XR and it will get better soon. I left her office having no idea what was wrong with me or what the medication was. But I was also young and naive and didn't know how to question dr's, just listened to them. I took the first dose that night and woke up the next morning extremely emotional and depressed!

 

I tried to go on like nothing was wrong, hoping I could just shake the feeling off. Went to work. When I got there I couldn't even look at my boss without crying! I told her something was wrong, I was unbearably sad. She told me to call my dr right away.

 

So I did and they had me come in right then. When I saw my dr the first thing she asked was "are you feeling suicidal?" I was shocked! I told her no, I just can't stop crying and feeling sad! So she told me to give it 2 weeks and also gave me a prescription for Xanax to take while I wait for the Effexor XR to work but she also told me to try not to take it that often because it's highly addictive.

 

Well, GAD me took that as "NEVER take it because you will become addicted!". So I went through the worst 2 weeks of anxiety ever. I could barely function at all. I wanted to cry all the time. I lost all interest in life because I couldn't enjoy anything. And I wouldn't take a Xanax out of fear.

 

But, like the dr said, at 2 weeks I started feeling much better. I calmed down and was like my old self again. I was able to make it through the rest of his deployment totally fine. I figured it was situational to him being gone so I began weaning when he got home and I weaned off it totally fine again in 3 weeks (I think I was on 75mg) and ended up getting pregnant with our first baby!

 

I had a very normal pregnancy, no anxiety, just happy and excited to be a mom! At the very end, when I was about 38 weeks along, my anxiety was coming back. I assumed it was just hormones and ignored it. I went into labor soon after. Without getting into too much detail, I had a very long labor and delivery. I didn't sleep for 3 days by the time my son finally came and I was exhausted beyond belief. I continued having trouble sleeping the following week. I got maybe 10 hours in the course of 5-7 days. During which I was horribly depressed, overwhelmed with crying and just sadness. I assumed it was the lack of sleep and hormones.

 

I saw a psychiatrist assuming I would need to go on meds again. I actually totally forgot about Lexapro and only told her about the Effexor XR I was on and how it made me a crazy person the first 2 weeks. So she put me on Paxil. This was in 2009 so I don't remember much about it other than I don't think it caused me horrible anxiety starting up. And it did take away my anxiety. But it killed my libido and so after a month on it went back to my psychiatrist.

 

I remembered to tell her how well I did on Lexapro a few years earlier, so she put me on that. I thought for sure I'd have no problems with it again. I was wrong. So wrong. As I weaned off Paxil and started Lexapro, something happened. My anxiety stayed away, but I was suddenly hit with depression. Horrible depression. It was worse than the after-baby-crying spells.

 

I suddenly lost interest in everything, including my newborn son. I began seeing the world in a different way...like it was a horrible place full of horrible people and nothing but sadness and pain. I began having horrible mood swing "drops" as I called them, where I'd think nothing but the world is a horrible, horrible place and why does anyone choose to live?

 

This quickly turned into suicidal thoughts. I got strong urges to commit suicide. I couldn't make sense of it at all except I'd just be doing something and then out of nowhere an urge to end it all. But I would fight the feelings with my thoughts. I'd tell myself it's not me, I don't want this, and I don't want to leave my son! I went to my psychiatrist and told her what was happening and she asked if I was going to commit suicide. I told her no, I don't want to, but these mood swings are scaring me. She said to raise the dose (to 20mg) and wait it out, give it 8 weeks.

 

So I did. I suffered through 8 horrible weeks. And then it's as if I was released from this horrible black hole and able to breathe again. I could see the world in a much happier way. I could see all the good again! And I could LOVE my son and my life being his mommy! I was so happy to be back to my old self! Fast forward a year and a half later and I'm still wonderful. So wonderful that my husband and I want another baby. So my psychiatrist tells me to start weaning off the lexapro.

 

I went from 20mg to 15mg a day. By the 5th day, I could feel my mood dropping again. I was having thoughts like "what's the point in life?" I would have mood swings again where I'd forget the good in life. I could feel the suicidal thoughts coming, so I took a full 20mg pill again and went to see my psychiatrist again. I told her what happened and she said it's ok, I can stay on my medication if I choose to have anger baby.

 

She never told me why I was having those thoughts. I assumed it was the real me. I assumed without medication I was this monster who hated life. But I felt so much better on lexapro so I was ok knowing at least if I'm on my medication, I can live a happy long life. I went on to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby girl in July 2012. I never had any postpartum depression or anxiety!

 

I was so happy I stayed on my medication. I could truly bond and love my kids and life. I continued feeling great all the way until September of this year, 2013. My husband got out of the military and we moved our family far away so he could go to school and finish his business degree.

 

And since we left the military, we also lost our insurance. I saw a doctor (not my psychiatrist, just a normal GP) and he told me I could switch to a medication called Celexa, the generic is only $4 and it's the same thing as Lexapro. So to save money I made the switch. Right after we moved I ran out of lexapro so I was very stressed already, and then I switched to celexa. I could feel a difference within the first day. A bad difference. I started losing my energy. And with that, my motivation.

 

A few days in, I already wanted to switch back to lexapro. But the pharmacist said it could just be temporary side affects to the switch. So I kept going with it. I began having trouble making simple decisions and losing concentration. And getting frustrated over silly things. After 2 weeks, it's like my mind just gave out one night. I remember I was outside trying to play with my kids and I all of a sudden just broke down. I felt unbearable sadness out of nowhere! Nothing was making me sad. I wanted everything I had in life. I wanted my husband to go to school. Nothing should be causing me to be that sad. So I knew it had to be the medication.

 

So the next day I called my psychiatrist I used to see and she sent me a prescription for Lexapro and I got it filled. I took it, the full 20mg (because I was taking the equivalent of 40mg celexa still) and I woke up the next morning with the most horrible anxiety of my life. I COULD NOT FUNCTION. I had my little kids to care for so I had to get up and get them breakfast. But I mean, I could barely do that. It felt like I was being tortured with electricity. I should have gone to the ER but with no insurance, that would have cost us a lot of money we don't have. So I suffered through the first week.

 

I was calling crisis lines, not because I was suicidal but because I was so freakishly tortured by anxiety and depression caused by the anxiety that I just couldn't function. They all told me the same thing, go see a dr. We didn't have the money, and I knew if I gave it time I should get better. With every passing week, I did get better. So that told my the celexa just DID NOT work because I was starting all over again with the lexapro.

 

By the 4th week I felt so much better. Not great, but better. By the 7th week I was almost my old self again! I could get excited about my life and future again. And then something horrible happened. My husbands 16 year old brother got into another bad fight with their mom. They live 5 hours from us. She's been having a lot of trouble with him lately and his dad isn't in the picture, so my husband suddenly stepped in and made him move in with us. I had no say in it, but at first I was ok with it. I knew he needed a better home.

 

Then he came, and once we enrolled him in high school, I had a sudden panic attack. It hit me like a bag of bricks how much I actually don't want him to live with us. I suddenly felt like he was an intruder in my home. He was changing up my family dynamic and I was falling apart.

 

I fell into a depression right then. I was so unhappy he was here now, and I figured it was because the Lexapro wasn't yet stable in my system. But it never got better. I wanted to completely shut down. I had no energy or motivation, no want to go on. What was happening to me! I finally decided to see a doctor. My Lexapro should have been working but it wasn't.

 

I saw a GP at a low-income family practice and he was very nice. I told him what was happening and he told me I have too much stress going on in my life and my lexapro is struggling to "keep up". So he told me to add 25mg of seroquel and it will help augment my Lexapro. I started it, and after just a few days my mood began to lift. I didn't wake up with dread of the day anymore, I could cope with my brother in law living with us more. I thought this medication may actually help. But it only got to a certain point.

 

My mood was better but my interests, enjoyment for things didn't come back. And then something horrible happened. Those scary low mood drops came back! I haven't felt them since 2010. I would be watching tv and noticed someone had a show on for a 5th season. And I'd suddenly think "isn't he tired of doing this show? Isn't it pointless at this point? How does he find fulfillment from doing that? How does he not just end his life?" It's uncontrollable and I'd have to talk myself out of it. I saw a picture of a friends dad on Facebook. He's in his 50's. And I thought "isn't he tired of life at that point? How does he continue to choose to live?"

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Those thoughts have subsided some (it's been about 2 weeks since they started) but they still come in a milder version. I'm struggling to be happy about my life. Before I switched medication in september, I was so happy and LOVED my life with my kids and husband. They were every reason I lived and loved every moment with them. Now I am no where near that. I'm having to convince myself that I love this life, that it's worth living! I've been on the seroquel for a month now and I can't see my doctor until the 7th. I called him when the suicidal thinking started. I didn't get a call back until we were about to leave to visit family for Christmas. So I am at a loss of what to do. I really want to get off these meds because of the scary suicidal/depressive thinking they have caused me now and in the past! Before the postpartum depression, I never ever experienced depression. And I've been medicated ever since, so I don't how I'd feel off medication. But even when I tried weaning off the Lexapro it caused me to think that way. But I read that suicidal thinking can happen when you start AND decrease dosage. So I don't think the suicidal thinking is me at all, I think it's the meds! But how do I get off them if they cause such disturbing thoughts?? help!

Edited by Altostrata
added paragraph breaks for readability

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Replies 394
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • sunnydays0912

    183

  • Altostrata

    65

  • bubble

    39

  • Meimeiquest

    28

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Sunny, welcome to SA. I think many of us relate to what you are experiencing with the suicidal thoughts.

You are absolutely right that is is NOT YOU!  You've had lots of medication changes and your nervous system is 

suffering.  I can reassure you that it is possible to get off these drugs safely if it is done slowly. We recommend a 

taper of not more than 10% of the current dose.  Many times people feel better as they lower the dose and it can go

quite smoothly.

 We usually recommend tapering the anti depressant first BUT sometimes it is better to taper the antipsychotic first

and as you have only been on that for a short time the experts  might suggest tapering that one first

 

Alto will be along shortly and will advise which is the best to taper first.

It will get better, it is such a shame that you were medicated so young just for being shy! 

It would help if you could put a short list of the meds you have taken, roughly when started and stopped and what doses,

especially the recent changes and doses.  Here is how to do that. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Here is how to taper lexapro 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Welcome, sunnydays.

 

Well, you have a gift for words!

 

It seems to me that you have been on drugs for such a long time, you never learned how to cope with stress, you always got more drugs in stressful situations. It also seems that Lexapro is pooping out on you, which is fairly common when people have been on antidepressants for a long time. The poop-out causes withdrawal symptoms such as those emotional black holes.

 

Good thing you never took the Xanax or you might have to deal with addiction, too.

 

I agree with mammaP, since you've been on Seroquel such a short time and it doesn't seem to be doing anything helpful, you might go off that first, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/

 

Given it's been a short time, you might be able to go fairly fast with decreasing Seroquel, maybe 25% every 4 days.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Hi Sunny, welcome to SA. I think many of us relate to what you are experiencing with the suicidal thoughts.You are absolutely right that is is NOT YOU!  You've had lots of medication changes and your nervous system is suffering.  I can reassure you that it is possible to get off these drugs safely if it is done slowly. We recommend a taper of not more than 10% of the current dose.  Many times people feel better as they lower the dose and it can goquite smoothly. We usually recommend tapering the anti depressant first BUT sometimes it is better to taper the antipsychotic firstand as you have only been on that for a short time the experts  might suggest tapering that one first Alto will be along shortly and will advise which is the best to taper first.It will get better, it is such a shame that you were medicated so young just for being shy! It would help if you could put a short list of the meds you have taken, roughly when started and stopped and what doses,especially the recent changes and doses.  Here is how to do that.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/ Here is how to taper lexapro  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

 Thank you mommaP! I know these scary mood drops/suicidal thinking isn't me. I used to suffer from anxiety over fear something was going to end up killing me. That means I WANT to live! I wish I wasn't so complacent. I wish I did more research about options to help with anxiety. Because the anxiety was livable! I could handle it. It's only the anxiety and sadness I've dealt with whenever I've started or messed with medications that are debilitating.  

Welcome, sunnydays.Well, you have a gift for words!It seems to me that you have been on drugs for such a long time, you never learned how to cope with stress, you always got more drugs in stressful situations. It also seems that Lexapro is pooping out on you, which is fairly common when people have been on antidepressants for a long time. The poop-out causes withdrawal symptoms such as those emotional black holes.Good thing you never took the Xanax or you might have to deal with addiction, too.I agree with mammaP, since you've been on Seroquel such a short time and it doesn't seem to be doing anything helpful, you might go off that first, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/Given it's been a short time, you might be able to go fairly fast with decreasing Seroquel, maybe 25% every 4 days.

Your exactly right. I was just medicated, often without much more of a "just take this". I'm going to be honest Alto, I'm scared. Really really scared. I've been on lexapro 4.5 years and though I had a horrible start up, I've been so very happy otherwise! I was so happy and full of life. I'm scared if I get off the lexapro I'll lose that. I mean, I know that sounds ridiculous because I'm miserable and unhappy and struggling to find the will to live right now and I'm on the max dose of it. So obviously it's not working for me anymore. But what if I get off it and I'm not any better? What if the withdrawal causes my depression to get much worse? I fear I'll become someone who can't even get out of bed and care for her children. I have a 1.5 year old and 4.5 year old who rely on me every single day. When lexapro worked, I enjoyed every moment with my babies. I'm struggling to stay happy now. Is it the lexapro pooping out or just me?I'm so afraid. I just want my life back. I want my excitement for life and the future back. How do I know for sure I can have that without meds?

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

It is the lexapro that is making you feel this way.  I can assure you that it can and will get better. 

My experience is that my AD pooped out and I was sick for years  but like you I was scared to come off it

after a couple of unsuccessful attempts. My doctor told me that I would need it for the rest of my life, yet 

he also told me that my dose was not therapeutic so basically I had to keep taking it just to avoid withdrawal

symptoms! I did some research and started a slow taper. The first few drops went fine, no withdrawal symptoms,

only very mild on the first day or so. Then I realised I was actually feeling better, and went on feeling better and

better as the drug was getting lower in dose!  I went too fast though, and stopped too soon when I thought I was

ready. THEN withdrawal set in.  I reinstated and stabilised, and I can honestly say that I am so so glad I decided

to get off it. 

 

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Have a good look around and digest what you learn so you will be 

well equipped for any bumps along the way. Take it slowly, it isn't a race, and you will get off lexapro and find

yourself, the you without drugs. You will be richer for the experience and will appreciate the clear head! 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

Thank you MammaP! That reply was very encouraging! I've been so afraid because I just don't know what will happen and all I know is the ONE time I did try taping down, I began having the suicidal thinking again. It's the worst feeling in the world. I've been experiencing them right now with the adding on of the seroquel and it was bad for a few days, got a bit better, then came back in a sometimes worse degree, and sometimes less worse degree.

 

This morning alone I had a strong feeling of "I just don't want to live anymore..." And it's just horrible!!

 

I told my mom how I think I need to get off all medication and see how I do. She cares for my older brother who has severe schizophrenia so she deals with his medications all day every day. Without his medications, he would be a violent, unstable person. With them he is very loving and relaxed. So she is very pro-meds. So she thinks I shouldn't do anything with my meds until I see my GP and see what he thinks needs to happen. She thinks I may just need an upped dose of the seroquel....see how she's very pro-drugs?

 

I don't think that's the case. But I still need to feel confident that this depression isn't me, it's the meds. Can lexapro poop out really CAUSE major depression? Or is the lexapro just not working anymore and this is my true major depression self coming through now? Again, before lexapro (the 2nd time) I've never experienced depression before. I've always just been a anxiety person. The seroquel, though has caused these low moods and suicidal thoughts, has actually helped bring my general mood up. Before starting it I was so depressed and had no energy at all. Could barely get myself to do the smallest of tasks.

 

If you read my intro again, that was caused by my BIL moving in so suddenly. I remember I was sort of ok with it at first. I was able to cope. And then once it felt final that he was staying, my brain felt as thought a switch went off and I suddenly lost all coping mechanism. I had a panic attack over just how badly I didn't want him here now. I went crying to my husband over it. And from then on I was in this horrible major depression. You would have thought my mom had died.

 

When I was stable on my lexapro (again, I was trying to switch back to it after switching to celexa and that failing) I could handle these things much better. I was very normal. It wasn't until I switched it around and tried getting back on it that it's been pooping out on me. I don't know what point I'm trying to make, I guess just want to make that clear.

 

I can't wait until the 7th to see my dr. I can't get an appt. in sooner though. I'm so tired of feeling like life is meaningless and I want to feel that amazing, heart exploding love for my kids again! All the "what-if"s are scaring me into this frozen, let me just suffer state though. Out of fear I will only get worse.

 

I know I probably sound ridiculous.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

Anymore advice would be very welcome...I just want to fully understand what is going on with me before making any decisions on what to do next.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

Hi Sunny, I wish that it were true that taking meds would just smooth out the ride of life. Sometimes they can for many years, but Once they start to get "weird" it seems like changing and changing just makes things worse. Only you can decide if you want to keep struggling to make the meds work or struggle to break free and hone your ability to face life head-on. Both options have lots of risks. To me, trying to parent through this is the hardest part, but it has been done many times.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment
  • Administrator
Can lexapro poop out really CAUSE major depression? Or is the lexapro just not working anymore and this is my true major depression self coming through now? Again, before lexapro (the 2nd time) I've never experienced depression before. I've always just been a anxiety person. The seroquel, though has caused these low moods and suicidal thoughts, has actually helped bring my general mood up. Before starting it I was so depressed and had no energy at all. Could barely get myself to do the smallest of tasks.

 

Yes, Lexapro poop-out can cause vivid down feelings. I wouldn't call it major depression, it's an iatrogenic or drug-caused effect.

 

I'm confused. Is the Seroquel helping or not helping?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

 

Can lexapro poop out really CAUSE major depression? Or is the lexapro just not working anymore and this is my true major depression self coming through now? Again, before lexapro (the 2nd time) I've never experienced depression before. I've always just been a anxiety person. The seroquel, though has caused these low moods and suicidal thoughts, has actually helped bring my general mood up. Before starting it I was so depressed and had no energy at all. Could barely get myself to do the smallest of tasks.

Yes, Lexapro poop-out can cause vivid down feelings. I wouldn't call it major depression, it's an iatrogenic or drug-caused effect. I'm confused. Is the Seroquel helping or not helping?
That is the confusing part!!Before I started the seroquel, I was dealing with chronic sadness and low mood after the Lexapro abruptly pooped out on me with my BIL moving in. It was such a sudden crash, it absolutely felt like the Lexapro just gave up and was now causing me to feel horrible. So I went to my doctor and basically told him everything. He said my stress level was too much for the Lexapro to handle alone, so he prescribed the seroquel 25mg to help.After 4 days I noticed my mood was lifting. I wasn't feeling the all day sadness, could cry at the drop of a hat symptoms anymore. I was able to cope better. But then at about a week and a half, those scary mood drops surfaced. My thinking changed. Like I said, I started questioning why we lived. Why people wanted to live. It was very much suicidal thinking geared toward other people, sometimes myself. The only way I can explain it is I can be walking down the street and be totally fine. Then if I see a disabled person in a wheelchair just going for a stroll? My mind jumps to this depressive state and I think "wow, doesn't that person just want to end his life?" And fully believe it. It lasts a moment and then I come out of it. So while I do feel better in general (NOT fully, but better) those scary mood and thought drops came. They seem to have gone away for now again. Now I have more of moments where my mind feels exhausted and I think I just want to die...then come out of it. I have experienced this before when I first started lexapro. Any time I have messed with lexapeo while on it since 2009, these mood swings have showed for a while. When I first started, when I tried tapering, and now when I added seroquel. Surprisingly when I switched to celexa and then back to lexapro 2 weeks later, I never had these suicidal thoughts. Just horrible anxiety and then depression when lexapro pooped out over a month ago. I hope that helps make sense? I brought this up to my psychiatrist in '09 and '10 and she never explained it to me. Just told me what to do. Once I stabilized at 20mg it always went away and I felt like my normal happy self. I guess this explains my fear of tapering too. I'm afraid the taper will cause these feeling to come back and stronger. I'm scared I will fall back into a major depression. But none of this started until I started the Lexapro! Sure after stabilizing it helped me immensely. But I feel like it only helped what it caused in the first place. Then again, I was postpartum so it could be coincidental timing and this was actually me going crying while simultaneously starting Lexapro. Confusing....

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator
Like I said, I started questioning why we lived. Why people wanted to live. It was very much suicidal thinking geared toward other people, sometimes myself. The only way I can explain it is I can be walking down the street and be totally fine. Then if I see a disabled person in a wheelchair just going for a stroll? My mind jumps to this depressive state and I think "wow, doesn't that person just want to end his life?" And fully believe it. It lasts a moment and then I come out of it.

 

This doesn't sound like suicidal thinking. It sounds like you're playing with morbid ideas, then you snap yourself out of it.

 

It sounds like there's some underlying unhappiness in your life that you need to deal with.

 

If you're taking 2 drugs for this, I'd call it major overkill.

 

Long-term, Seroquel has a lot of bad effects on general health. You might want to go off it while there's a chance you may not be physically dependent on it.

 

Still, withdrawal might cause you to have what you think are undesirable thoughts. You might want to manage your thoughts in other ways, such as cognitive behavior therapy or "change the channel" http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Alto, that scares me...I have this underlying fear that those morbid thoughts are me going crazy. Psychopathic maybe. I'm such a normal, girl next door, happy wife with 2 amazing kids! So I just don't understand these thoughts! Because of my brother having schizophrenia, I fear I will develop it as well. He was heavily involved in drug use in his early adulthood though, which his psychiatrist believes is what progressed it to such a severe state. Where as I've never once experimented with drugs or smoking or anything of the sort. I've always been the good kid that lead a healthy life. So these thoughts are SO out of character for me!

 

I had a difficult postpartum for sure, but it was severe anxiety situational to the Postpartum Anxiety. I never got a chance to really work through it myself...

 

 

 

Also, I can assure you they are uncontrollable. I can't stop them from coming, I can only understand that they are not my true feelings and they go away. And it ONLY happens when my brain chemistry is messed with. So it has to be caused by the meds. There is suicidal thinking involved too. Where I lose the satisfaction for life. I have a constant thought process of "what's the point?" With everything. That's not my normal self at all! I usually love life and love every day!

 

I think I've convinced myself to taper off. I'm only 26. I can't rely on these meds forever.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

Sunny, if you have crazy thoughts, I can promise you we will understand that they are from the drugs, not from you. We could tell you stories :). This is a safe place to lay it all out.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Fearing they are crazy is crazy-making! Since you seem to drop them so easily, please try not to worry about them. That only makes them bigger.

 

You keep on insisting you are sunny and perfect. Allow yourself to have occasional bad thoughts and imperfections.

 

Also, it may be possible these thoughts are from the influence of Lexapro on your nervous system. It can affect some people that way.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

It's as if my normal brain activity shuts off when those thoughts come. It's not even thoughts, but a feeling. A very strong feeling of "what's the point? Are your tired of living already?"

 

In fact, when I first started lexapro and this happened in 2009, it was much more severe. I'm focusing so much on what's happening now, understandably, but when I first got on lexapro, I not only had these thoughts/feelings of life is meaningless, I had very strong suicidal urges.

 

I remember this one instance where I was just conversing with my mom at her house one day and my dad had SportsCenter on the tv in the background. I heard the anchorman say something about a football player being forced to retire because of an injury and discussing how he may be feeling about that. Of course, rationally it would be upsetting for him, but he still has a full life ahead of him to live. But instead of thinking that, I thought "he's worthless now. He has nothing to live for and will probably go kill himself". It was a disturbing, majorly depressive feeling along with it. And I panic immediately after and thought "what is wrong with me?? Why am I having these thoughts??" I was always completely aware that they are irrational, illogical, and not my normal thought process. But they feel so strong and scary!

 

There was about a week of where I had these near paralyzing suicidal urges as well. I remember leaving my neighbors house and then BOOM I was hit with horribly low mood and wanted to kill myself. I say it's an urge cause it was only a feeling. My cognitive self knew I didn't want to do it, knew this wasn't me!

 

There was one time the urge came and I had to practically fight myself against it! I told myself "no! I don't want to leave my son!" And then it would pass.

 

I knew it was the drug but my psychiatrist insisted I stay on it and give it more time to start working. I was convinced she would be wrong, but I was very surprised when all if a sudden it was gone and I started feeling a million times better! I loved my life again, could see all the good in the world and felt like my old self again.

 

So I just left it alone. I knew something bad happened, but I was better. And if it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's pretty much how I saw it from then on. Well it's broke now, and I need to fix it.

 

And why didn't this happen when I was first on lexapro from 17-19? The only thing I can think is the postpartum hormones could have affected it. But I was on Paxil for a month before starting the lexapro and was fine on it.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Sunny, I am thinking perhaps your fear you are like your brother plays a large role in your symptoms. Can you see a therapist and discuss this?

 

MadinAmerica.com has a list of practitioners who won't push drugs, mostly therapists: http://www.madinamerica.com/service-directory/directory-category/individual-practitioner/ It's organized by region.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I know it's hard but try not to worry about where those thoughts are coming from. I can relate to 

what you are experiencing and had those same thoughts and feelings. In my head I would have 

thought euthanasia for sick and elderly was a good idea! I worried about those kind of thoughts 

too, they scared me. I wish I knew then what I know now, I can sweep them away now but it

took practice. I read something somewhere that said you can't stop a bird landing on your head

but you can stop it from nesting.  The 'change the channel' technique is really effective, you have

little ones and they are a source of great joy, when those thoughts come, replace them with

thoughts of some of the funny and cute things that make you smile. 

 

It isn't easy at first but it DOES work. The thoughts are not you, they don't reflect how you are as

a person or mean that you are mentally ill, you are suffering from the effects of drugs and those

effects can be traumatising. Remember that this will pass. It might help if you could see a 

therapist like Alto suggested, they don't push drugs. If you tell a doctor you will likely be given 

more drugs. 

 

It will get better in time. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

That fear is there, but it's not causing my symptoms.

 

My issue right now is these near constantly low mood swings. I know they aren't me because I still have hold of my normal...logical thinking? I'm having a hard time explaining what I mean. I guess the want to feel happy and normal is there, but my mood and feelings are not complying at all. My mood is trying to tell me that life is horrible. And that I don't want to do anything that I used to find much joy in! That's the constant battle I'm dealing with right now. Keeping myself from succumbing to these feelings that aren't what I want to feel! And then there are the extra low moments where I, for a moment, feel life truly is meaningless and I don't want to live anymore. These did not start until I started the seroquel. Before the seroquell it was just the depression I was suffering when my lexapro pooped out. But I didn't have these suicidal thoughts!

 

This is my major problem right now. I need help, and I'm hoping by tapering the seroquel I will get some relief. Bent I know I need to see my doctor for sure.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

I think maybe when you get low moods, which may be caused by drugs, you also start to get scared about your symptoms being like your brother's. If you can find a supportive therapist, it might help you to talk about this.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I keep forgetting to mention that I did find a therapist. There is a wonderful volunteer counseling center that provides 10 sessions for just $15 a session. I had my first session with her a couple weeks ago and told her everything that's happened in the last 4 months since I switched my Lexapro and fell into this dark hole I can't get out of. I had so much explaining to do that she didn't have much time to really get into it all with me. It was more of a intake appt. I see her again next Thursday. I wish I could get in sooner but that's my only option.

 

I really hope once the new health care program begins I can get started on Media-Cal and see what my options as far as health care are now. Because right now I can only afford my GP. However, I'm much more aware of how doctors are so quick to adding drugs to make other drugs work over and over. When I see him on Tuesday I'm going to tell him before I do anything else, I want to try and get off all medication and see how I do. I HAVE to give my normal brain activity a chance. I've been so scared of doing it ever since the one time I did try to taper (much too fast at a 5mg drop to start!) and my extremely scary mood reaction to that.

 

Alto, where can I read up on all withdrawal symptoms that can occur off lexapro? The only other withdrawal I can remember was heart palpitations.

 

Also, is there anywhere I can read up more on iatrogenic depression/chronic low mood?

 

Btw, to everyone who has been replying and helping me figure this out, I want you to know this is so VERY VERY appreciated! I have felt so alone in this and scared and lost. It's so relieving to hear someone knowledgable actually give me a possible explanation and support to get off these meds that could very well be the cause of my problems. This site has already been such a wealth of information and support!!!

 

Oh, I forgot to mention I started the seroquel taper last night! Cut a quarter of my 25mg pill.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

And then I have these convincing feelings of hopelessness that this depression is the way I will feel forever. The chance that nothing will alleviate this torture leaves such a scary feeling of hopelessness in me.

 

Please Lord, I just want to feel normal again....

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

The Symptoms and Self-care forum is all about the kinds of symptoms you might get coming off Lexapro or any other psychiatric drug.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Alto, I'm starting to second guess things. I'm in day 4 of my seroquel tapering of 1/4 down.

 

I feel basically the same. But I'm not as confident about this depression being linked to the poop out affect. I just don't know enough about how to decipher between true depression and Poop out caused depression. I have moments where I feel fine, and then moments where I feel like I just can't handle my life anymore. Not that it's bad or that stressful. Before I switched my medication to celexa and this whole nightmare started, the same life I have right now made me very very happy.

 

When I first started lexapro in 2009, I was mainly dealing with anxiety and stress after just having my first baby. Then the lexapro started and I just sank. The morbid thoughts, the feeling of life is pointless, the urges to commit suicide. I thought they all came from the lexapro start up. But I was also just 1.5 months postpartum so it could have been coincidence that my depression was getting much worse while I was starting the lexapro.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is what if this depression is my true self? I never imagined if be on medication forever. I always planned to get off it once our lives were settled (no more moving for my husbands work/school, etc) but the poop out has caused me to do this sooner and when my mental state isn't as healthy as it was before I tried switching my medication.

 

I guess the only way to find out is continue the taper. I just very very much wish I was doing this while I already felt stable so I have a better chance (or at least more hopeful) that I would stay that way. Instead I'm dealing with depression while getting off meds I'm so sensitive to.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

You seem to be terrified of "depression" or any feelings other than happiness. These are not necessarily pathological. This is something to talk over with a therapist.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I hope I'm not coming off wrong. Because I'm not just afraid of losing my happiness. I've been experiencing real, full blown Depression. Especially after my lexapro suddenly and violently pooped out. I woke up and hated it. I didn't want to get up and feed my children breakfast. When my son had a ear ache, I didn't want to take him to the urgent care. My maternal instinct, which is usually very strong in me, was gone. My energy was gone. I went days between taking showers. I couldn't handle getting out of pajamas most days. I could barely get myself to eat. Life suddenly became a struggle.

 

That's when my GP added the seroquel. And damnit it helped! My energy was back in just a few days, my mood lifted. It didn't feel like any small task was almost impossible to do anymore. But that's where it stopped. I was still struggling to find joy in anything, loss of interest, zero motivation. But it wasn't hard to do things anymore. I just didn't feel anything in doing them.

 

And then the scary, extremely low mood swings started with the morbid, suicidal thoughts. They were strong and scary. And now I'm in a state of constant mood swings where I am okay and then just not and hopeless.

 

Thinking about how I used to feel, used to be, gives me hope. Reminds me that life IS amazing and worth living.

 

I also have these two amazing little kids who should be filling my heart with love and happiness. I know I love them, but the fact that I don't feel it the same that I used to/deserve to kills me. I miss the way I used to feel so much, and now I'm worrying the only reason I ever felt that way was because of the Lexapro. I thought the lexapro kept me from my GAD symptoms. I thought all my happiness was from me. But my medication pooped out and I'm suffering from depression. I have hope it's caused by the poop out, but who knows.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Yes, poop-out can cause scary, extremely low mood swings and morbid, suicidal thoughts. These are iatrogenic (drug-caused) effects.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Ok, so today (technically yesterday - late night for me here) was a noticeably better day. And I finally noticed my mood is in general much better than it was before I began the taper of seroquel! I was in a much deeper, scarier place than I am now.

 

With my head a bit more clearer, I've been able to reason more with what is happening to me. The constant feeling of hopelessness has caused me to struggle making sense of everything. Well, with my most disturbing symptom actually. My loss of emotions. They aren't completely gone, but they are so mild...and the strongest emotions almost don't even register :(. This includes my kids...when I try to love and appreciate them, my mind goes blank. At times I honestly feel like I don't even know them. Like they are just an acquaintance. This is only when I try to feel for them. But it's disturbing! Truly disturbing...what kind of nightmare is a mother unable to feel the bond and love of her children. Especially when I have the memory of how much I did absolutely love them. Like I said, it's not all the time. It comes in a mild form when I don't force it. So I know it's there. Today we were at the store, and my 1.5 year old daughter walked off and we didn't notice for a moment. When we did notice and couldn't find her after a few seconds, I began to panic in fear someone had kidnapped her! Thankfully we found her right away, but I actually was glad it happened because it showed me I AM still a concerned mother and I obviously do love my kids! Because that panic was real.

 

My emotions are just totally underwhelmed...when I watch other people experiencing emotions, I struggle to understand why they feel that way. Like if someone is upset over finding out a loved one died (on TV) I struggle to see why. I guess I am lacking empathy? And I'm just like...ok, your mom died. So what? There is a disconnect in my brain with emotion and it's just the worst!

 

And I think I know what's caused all of this. When I switched to celexa for those 2 weeks, it honestly felt like I was taking placebos. My body did not like it! So when I switched back to lexapro after the 2 weeks, my brain was fried! I woke up feeling as if I had not been taking any medication at all and started my first dose at 20mg! I'm very sensitive to medication start up, so I was in misery!! My brain and body was in such a high anxiety and agitated state, I think my nervous system was fried and damaged....and now I'm left with emotional short comings.

 

Now, the fact that my emotions are at least still there to a very small degree, is this a good sign in terms of recovery?

 

Also, I hope I'm wrong and it's just connected to poop out. And hopefully getting off it will help. But I have this situation where when my Lexapro did work, it worked very well! So I feel silly in saying I do have this underlying fear that off medication I won't be as happy as I was on it pre-poop out. Mainly, I won't love and enjoy them as much. And I can't imagine going through life knowing I don't love them as much as I once did. I've been medicated the entire time I've been a mom. I'll go as far as saying I also fear I will end up not loving them at all cause of this. As if establishing our bonds was done with lexapros help, and without it there will be nothing because my normal brain has never done it alone. Does that make sense? Am I being irrational? I

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

It's very, very common that psych drugs will dull emotions -- that's their purpose. Drug switches and discontinuation symptoms can also do this.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

This is where I am SO confused.

 

The 4 years I was on lexapro, after the initial start up, I felt amazing. I was very normal again. I had normal ups and downs. I loved my kids like crazy. I didn't feel any emotional dulling at all! The one time I tried to taper off, within the week my mood crashed and I lost so much of my emotions, felt like life was meaningless.

 

Once I went back up to my normal dose, I stabilized again after a few weeks and was too afraid to ever do that again. I had my 2nd baby, and I was able to experience everything to the fullest. My bond with my daughter was amazing. That girls smile is all I needed in life. And this was all while on lexapro!

 

I was afraid of tapering because of how fast my emotions plummeted last time. And I was told celexa was the very same drug but cheaper. I switched and they may as well gave me placebos because I was losing myself fast and had horrible WD. When I switched back, I experienced the worst week of anxiety and agitation of my life.

 

Now what doesn't make sense is after suffering a few weeks, I did get better gradually. The lexapro was bringing me back. And then when my stupid BIL moved in, it suddenly pooped out and I suffered through anxiety and horrible major depression.

 

Seroquel helped my mood for about a week, then caused the crazy morbid thoughts/mood. And then by the time I finally decided to taper the seroquel, I was seriously in a deep black hole. Since tapering I've come back up, my mood is "lighter". But my emotions are just gone.

 

I mean...just what happened? I've read everywhere that celexa is the same as lexapro! Why did my body react that way and sent me into this hell? And why did restarting the lexapro fry my brain? If it's the same drug like I was told by my doctor and many pharmacists! They have all been shocked I reacted that way. It just didn't make sense to them. And now because of this, I'm fighting to not hate my life because I can't feel any enjoyment, appreciation, or coping skills anymore.

 

I really hope getting off all meds will help. But I'm scared to death the damage is done and I will never be able to feel the same bond I had with my kids.

 

I'm sorry, I'm sure I just sound like a broken record.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Yes, you ask the same question over and over.

 

Your honeymoon with Lexapro, and perhaps all SSRIs, is over. Going on and off drugs has changed your nervous system and it's not responding as it did before. You experienced severe withdrawal syndrome going off Lexapro before. It has nothing to do with your fundamental psychiatric state.

 

Your current dulled emotional state is shared by many who are on these drugs and those with withdrawal syndrome.

 

You seem highly ambivalent about antidepressants. If you want to stay on one, that's your choice. We can't make that choice for you. This is a site for tapering off drugs.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I'm sorry. I've always been one who needs to know exactly what is happening to my body. I guess my hypochondriac self is returning. And I suppose I'm asking so much "why" because I trusted my doctor and pharmacists (I asked multiple ones about the switch between Lexapro any celexa before doing it) and they all told me I would be fine! One even told me to give it 2 weeks and if I want to change back to Lexapro, I can with no issue. Well, I had some major freaking issues! And when I went back to the pharmacist, she was confused. She said it was highly unusual I was reacting that way. She even asked "are you sure?" As if the pain I was experiencing was somehow mistaken as something else?? I'm scared to death the last 4 years have been a lie. Like instead of being someone who was dulled out and emotionless on an anti-depressant and wants to taper off because they want their normal happy self back, I was someone who truly felt great on it and now it's no longer working, so I no longer feel like the person I really enjoyed being, and I may never be that person again. My interests are gone. My emotions, family bonds, appreciation for life is gone. Im afraid I will never be that person again, even if I do recover some, who knows if it will ever be to the level I've come to think is my true self and where I'm happy. I try to remember how I was before being put on medication, but from 17-19 and then 22-27 I've been on medication. All I know is I only had GAD which I could have handled myself.

 

I'm angry. And I have no outlet. My husband doesn't understand. He tries, but he's never had to experience one day feeling his normal self with normal ups and downs and normal feelings and emotions, and then the next they're gone and replaced with sadness and anxiety so bad you want to drown yourself. To most everyone, that isn't even imaginable. Doesn't make sense. Can't you just...not feel that way? Blah!

 

That all being said, I'm down to 50% of my seroquel taper of 25mg! My mood continues to improve, thank goodness. But with it improving, my worrying has been worsening (if you haven't been able to tell -- sarcasm :P ) and I finally have a appt. with my GP who prescribed me with this poision over a month ago. He has no idea I started tapering because I can't ever get the guy on the phone and haven't been able to get an appt. before today. So I'm nervous what he will say. He better not say anything like "I would have upped the dosage" or anything. I'm thinking he will want to cross me over to another medication, but I'm going to tell him I'd rather try to Get off and see how I do. With all the information I now have of adverse affects of these drugs, and let's not forget that it's not even known how these meds are affected long term since SSRI's have only been around 30 some odd years. I never planned to stay on these drugs forever anyway and don't want to cause more damage to my nervous system than I already have with "professionals" help.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Most doctors and pharmacists don't have a clue about adverse effects of psychiatric drugs, switching issues, or tapering problems.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Well, he told me exactly what I expected. None of this is withdrawal or caused by the meds. Lexapro isn't working anymore and I need to switch to Prozac...I tried to explain to him that the seroquel made me feel worse, and since I've been tapering down from it this last week I've been feeling better! But he didn't care. He would barely listen to my concerns with the meds. I told him I'm very sensitive to these drugs, so I at least want to make the switch very slowly. He said dropping my dose to 15mg and starting Prozac at 10 mg will prevent me from having any problems because the Prozac will replace it.

 

I just....don't know what to think. Don't know what to do.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

If you are trying to decide between more drugs or withdrawal, you might find the Harm Reduction paper helpful. It is in the Resources section of www.theicarusproject.net. I was not setting out to go off meds when I started decreasing one medicine, and this article was helpful to me as I started to realize I didn't need the drug but stopping would be painful.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment
  • Administrator

GPs know even less about psychiatric drugs than psychiatrists, and psychiatrists know very little.

 

Sunny, if you wish to keep following this doctor's advice, it's up to you. In my personal opinion, he's making it up as he goes along, which is the typical care many, many people on this site have had. Understanding that your doctor is not a reliable source of information about psychiatric drugs is a very difficult realization.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

If you are trying to decide between more drugs or withdrawal, you might find the Harm Reduction paper helpful. It is in the Resources section of www.theicarusproject.net. I was not setting out to go off meds when I started decreasing one medicine, and this article was helpful to me as I started to realize I didn't need the drug but stopping would be painful.

Thank you, I will definitely look into this. I need as much education as I can receive before choosing which path I'm most comfortable with.

 

GPs know even less about psychiatric drugs than psychiatrists, and psychiatrists know very little.

 

Sunny, if you wish to keep following this doctor's advice, it's up to you. In my personal opinion, he's making it up as he goes along, which is the typical care many, many people on this site have had. Understanding that your doctor is not a reliable source of information about psychiatric drugs is a very difficult realization.

Alto, the scariest part is after I (at least tried) explaining what was happening, the first thing he asked was "do you have insurance?". I told him no. And then he proceeded to think about what to do next. It's like he hoped he could referral me out to a psychiatrist or something. Maybe he knew this was above him, but my having no insurance pretty much forces him to be my only option (why did this all have to happen during the 2 years my husband is going to school, this having no insurance? Ugh).

 

When he told me this was not withdrawal or poop out caused, this is the real me, I tried explaining how the seroquel made me feel worse, damn near suicidal, and now just a week off of it I'm feeling better. So obviously these drugs CAN make you feel worsening depression. But he barely let me even finish the sentence.

 

Also, I noticed this morning I was feeling even better. My mood was noticeably lighter from yesterday, and it had more energy than I have in a long time. I wasn't cured, but I was okay. And then I noticed my Lexapro pill sitting on the counter in my kitchen. I realized I forgot to take it yesterday evening, so out of fear of feeling withdrawals soon, I took it as soon as I noticed. An hour later I became tired, unmotivated, and have been feeling so down in the dumps.

 

More evidence! I know if this truly was caused by Lexapro not being strong in my system, that doesn't mean if I stopped taking it cold turkey I'd instantly feel better. I know withdrawals would have come eventually. But it seems as though the lesser amount in my blood, temporarily, seemed to let me feel better. Does this sound plausible? Or do I have no idea what I'm talking about?

 

Also alto, as much as I'm sure it's frustrating to hear about, realizing a doctor supposedly trained to offer the best care possible may actually be completely ignorant to what harm they are causing really is a hard pill to swallow (pun intended, heh) and so despite the evidence, all of this is so hard to believe. The "what if"s on each hand are driving me crazy. Unfortunately before finding this website just a couple weeks ago, I was still convinced I needed MORE medication to find myself functioning again. So I just need more information.

-Lexapro (5 or 10mg, can't remember) 2 years age 17-19 for "light social anxiety" ended late 2006. No issues coming off.

- 2008 Effexor XR 75mg after health induced Panic Attack. 21yo. Upon first dose extreme adverse reaction (sadness, crying spells, extreme physical agitation/anxiety) did eventually stabilize. Stayed on 3 months then tapered off very fast but no issue WDing.

Lexapro 20mg 6/2009 - 2/2014 due to PPD and unsuccessful WD attempts.

-Sep. 2013 stable and still doing fine on Lexapro but lost insurance so Dr CT switch from Lex 20mg to Celexa 40mg (supposed equivalent) claiming it's the "same drug just cheaper". My body didn't like the switch almost instantly, and I felt acute WD from Lex within days of the switch. Was unaware it was WD and adverse affect from the switch. Gave it 2 weeks to settle and stabilize. By end of 2 weeks I was falling completely apart mentally and emotionally. Pharmacist said I could switch back to Lexapro 20mg safely. Again, "it's the same drug"

-Oct. 2.5 weeks after med switch, switched back to Lexapro 20mg thinking everything would go back to normal. Woke up next morning to instant cortisol overload anxiety, physical and mental agitation to extreme levels, could not think, feel, do anything normally. Akathisia. Knew it had to be some kind of adverse reaction to the switch, but had no idea what to do other than continue taking it and hoping to stabilize. Proceeded to experience the worst 3-4 weeks of my life before finally stabilizing slowly.

-Nov. despite stabilizing for the most part, could feel something wasn't right, was not returning to old self, had moments of emotional amnesia with things I love most. Life stressor occurred and I crashed. Total poop-out in a moment and instant panic and adverse effects, depression, anxiety, mental exhaustion, physical fatigue.

Saw a GP who told me Lex was struggling to handle stress in life, needed to augment with Seroquel 25mg. Energy began to return, but depression worsened, began having suicidal mood swings, feelings like life was unbearable.

-December found SA and began Seroquel taper after taking it for a month. Felt signs of relief after just few days.

-Jan. 15th 2014 took last seroquel and began Prozac bridge. Complete Feb. 25th. Felt a couple weeks of WD from Lex, but otherwise stabilized.

-April 9th began 10% Homemade liquid Prozac taper. 40mg down to 36mg.

-Aug. 5th now down to 27.5mg. Feeling better than I did at 40mg.

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy