Isaias923: Listless on Lexapro

[Isaias923]

Hi everyone, I'm Isaias.I'm a 17 year old *** boy.  I'm new to the forums. I'm hoping to find people here that understand what I went through and what I'm going through. I'm still... dulled emotionally... Before Lexapro I was... lets just say I was in touch with my emotions. I could feel them so intensely. I loved music so much, I could litteraly feel it when I listened to it, chills, shivers. I would have visions, movies, dreams and I would live in those dreams. My body also suffered. So I'm coming here to find people who will understand and maybe sympathize since nobody else will.

 

Here's a little timeline

 

-April 22nd was put on Lexapro (Was prescribed it on the 11th but didn't take it until then).- May 3rd stopped taking it because things got better, I thought I didn't need it and I kinda went behind my moms back taking the pills because I took them without her even knowing (which she was furious at).-May 5th Helped my granny with her garden, came home and noticed a white spot near my upper lip (Spot 1).- May 6th started taking Lexapro again because the thought of possibly having Vitligo was devastating.-June 8th I developed a spot of alopecia areata , I remember because it was at my cousins grad party and quite embarrasing. My doctor thought it was tinea capitis however.- July 23rd stopped taking Lexapro again because I really hated how it made me feel.- July 25th a white spot developed below the lower right part of my lip (Spot 2) and I started taking the Lexapro again.

- August 18th Got dragged into going camping. Made the decision to stop Lexapro, knowing what it would do to my skin.

- August 23rd I went to my doctor and asked to be discontinued from Lexapro. We talked for about an hour and I finally convinced her. I was to take 5 mg for 4 days and then 2.5 mgs for 4 days.-August 25th a spot at the base of my left middle finger developed.

 

- September 1st went crazy, cut myself.

-October 16th Spot 2 went away.

 

- December 28th Spot 3 went away.

 

Thats short as I can make it, if you would like more details just ask me. Thank you for reading.

 

-Isaias

[Petunia]

Hi Isaias,

 

Thank you for joining SA and sharing your story.  It sounds like you have been through a confusing, difficult time.  I'm glad your skin problem has cleared up now.  Are you having any other symptoms besides dulled emotions?

 

From what you wrote, I gather that you took Lexapro for approximately 5 months, then stopped after a very fast taper in September. Its not unusual that you would still be having some symptoms now, but they will fade over time, you will recover.

 

Why did your doctor prescribe Lexapro, what dose were you on?

 

You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

[bubble]

Welcome Isaias,

 

I'm glad you found this forum. Poeple who have more experience and knowledge with this medication (than doctors) will give you soom good advice soon.

 

I just wanted to greet you and let you know we will here offer you lots of support and as Petu I wonder why somebody put you on that Lexapro in the first place...

 

What makes you 'go crazy' as you say, to cut yourself? Being 17 isn't easy. I was also very unhappy at that time of my life primarily because of my parents who were fighting a lot all the time. I couldn't stand them but I couldn't do anything to change that or go somewhere else.

 

I just wanted to be 18 to be able to go away from them. I also usd to spend a lot of time withg my granny until she died suddenly. Then I focused on my efforts to study hard so I was able to get a scholarship and a place in a students' dorm and move away from my parents to study.

 

I just wanted to share this with you and look forward to reading more about you.

 

All the best,

 

bubble

[mammaP]

Hello Isias, I'm sorry you have been through this,you are so young to have been given

anti depressants. You will be experiencing some withdrawal  but it will get better. I'm sorry that

you had a crazy episode, I hope you weren't very badly hurt. I suspect it was the withdrawal that

made things seem much worse.  

 

It's great that you spend time with your granny and help with the garden. I'm a granny and it

means so much to me when my grandchildren stop by, I'm sure she appreciates you very much.

  . It's good that the white spots went away, that must have been very worrying for you! 

 

You will recover from your time on Lexapro, it just takes time and you have youth on your side.

We have some other young members who are also going through withdrawal and will understand.

[Isaias923]

Hi Isaias,

 

Thank you for joining SA and sharing your story.  It sounds like you have been through a confusing, difficult time.  I'm glad your skin problem has cleared up now.  Are you having any other symptoms besides dulled emotions?

 

From what you wrote, I gather that you took Lexapro for approximately 5 months, then stopped after a very fast taper in September. Its not unusual that you would still be having some symptoms now, but they will fade over time, you will recover.

 

Why did your doctor prescribe Lexapro, what dose were you on?

 

You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

Yes, I was getting nasty rashes on my body, I was sweating alot (so I would cake on baby powder and deoderant and get rashes from that too), I couldn't sleep. I just felt horrible. My doctor put me on 10 mgs of Lexapro. She thought I had a chemical imbalance.

Thanks for the reply, Petu.

 

Welcome Isaias,

 

I'm glad you found this forum. Poeple who have more experience and knowledge with this medication (than doctors) will give you soom good advice soon.

 

I just wanted to greet you and let you know we will here offer you lots of support and as Petu I wonder why somebody put you on that Lexapro in the first place...

 

What makes you 'go crazy' as you say, to cut yourself? Being 17 isn't easy. I was also very unhappy at that time of my life primarily because of my parents who were fighting a lot all the time. I couldn't stand them but I couldn't do anything to change that or go somewhere else.

 

I just wanted to be 18 to be able to go away from them. I also usd to spend a lot of time withg my granny until she died suddenly. Then I focused on my efforts to study hard so I was able to get a scholarship and a place in a students' dorm and move away from my parents to study.

 

I just wanted to share this with you and look forward to reading more about you.

 

All the best,

 

bubble

Hi, bubble. I was going through a rough time. I was 16, I was going through my first heartbreak and I was self-conscious. Like a normal teenager. The first time I seen my doctor (Apr. 3rd) I told her that I've been depressed before and she said that I could trust her and that if I ever got down again I could come in at we would talk. And when I offically discontinued Lexapro, I kind of lost it. I had never been off Lexapro for more that two days. It got so bad I slashed my wrist.

And sorry about your grandma, truly is a tough lose.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Hello Isias, I'm sorry you have been through this,you are so young to have been given

anti depressants. You will be experiencing some withdrawal  but it will get better. I'm sorry that

you had a crazy episode, I hope you weren't very badly hurt. I suspect it was the withdrawal that

made things seem much worse.  

 

It's great that you spend time with your granny and help with the garden. I'm a granny and it

means so much to me when my grandchildren stop by, I'm sure she appreciates you very much.

  . It's good that the white spots went away, that must have been very worrying for you! 

 

You will recover from your time on Lexapro, it just takes time and you have youth on your side.

We have some other young members who are also going through withdrawal and will understand.

 

Hey Silver Star, thanks for your reply.  Yes, the hypopigmentation was very scary. But like you said, it takes time. Time and patience.

Thanks again.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Isaias.

 

Did you start getting rashes after you took Lexapro?

 

It does sound like you cut yourself while you had severe withdrawal symptoms. Please forgive yourself for this. Any of us has done foolish and dangerous things when disoriented by withdrawal syndrome.

[Isaias923]

Welcome, Isaias.

 

Did you start getting rashes after you took Lexapro?

 

It does sound like you cut yourself while you had severe withdrawal symptoms. Please forgive yourself for this. Any of us has done foolish and dangerous things when disoriented by withdrawal syndrome.

Hey Alto, yes I started getting rashes after I started Lexapro. Mainly on my stomach and sides.

Thanks for you reply.

[Altostrata]

That sounds like a severe allergy to Lexapro. You did the right thing by going off it.

 

What are your symptoms now?

[Isaias923]

That sounds like a severe allergy to Lexapro. You did the right thing by going off it.

 

What are your symptoms now?

My hair still hasn't grown back but my skin is getting somewhat better. My emotions are still weird. I still don't feel like myself. I still don't care about anything. I just want to go back to normal. I really don't want to be like this anymore.

 

Oh and another thing, while I was on Lexapro I would get very dark urges. Like putting my fingers in the blender or stabbing myself. I wanted to hurt other people also.

[Altostrata]

Lexapro can affect some people like that.

 

A lot of people experience a dulling of emotions on antidepressants and when they go off them. Please be patient, this will get better in time.

 

Many people do well with fish oil and magnesium supplements, seehttp://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

[tezza]

Welcome Isaias! I'm sorry for your suffering!

 

You've found a good place to get understanding and sympathy, the folks here are great!

 

Hang in there, it will get better!

[Isaias923]

Welcome Isaias! I'm sorry for your suffering!You've found a good place to get understanding and sympathy, the folks here are great!Hang in there, it will get better!

Thank you for your reply. I really want to believe that it will get better but I have the feeling that it won't. I don't have hope anymore. I don't really have emotions anymore. Sometimes they'll come, but when they do, the emotion fades so quickly. Its maddening. And I don't have anyone I can go to. I... hope that I can find people on here who will get what I'm going through.

Thanks once again.

[Petunia]

 

I really want to believe that it will get better but I have the feeling that it won't. I don't have hope anymore. I don't really have emotions anymore. Sometimes they'll come, but when they do, the emotion fades so quickly. Its maddening.

 

Having feelings of hopelessness about getting better seems to be another symptom of withdrawal, try to ignore this negative mood because its not the truth.  You will recover, its only been 6 months, so its still early days.

 

The fact that you do get some small emotions for a short time is a very good sign, they will get stronger and last longer over time.  Maybe you could keep notes about what things bring the good emotions so that you can do more of it.

 

Try not to worry, you will completely recover in time.

[bubble]

I was a bit away from the forum but thinking about you.

 

You reminded me so much of when I was 17, feeling fragile, being heartbroken (often

 

Once it was so bad I couldn't put anything into my mouth for maybe 2 weeks, lost so much wait, was crying uncontrollably... but nobody thought of referring me to a shrink...it was kind of normal...

 

My last antidepressant was/is Lexapro and I've read here it's more powerful than others so feel so sorry they put you on that stuff. I hope it helps you knowing that all these strange feelings (lack of feelings) and that awful urge to hurt yourself are because of the drug. And that they will pass!

 

I don't remember if I saw it anywhere how long you took it for and what dosage.

 

Hope you are doing better and look forward to an update from you.

 

bubble

[bubble]

Oh I see it now in your first post. I suppose you were put on 10 mg in April. And then went off of it in August (very abruptly but following your doctors instructions in the same way I followed mine).

 

The cutting that happened in September was most probably withdrawal symptom. I also felt soooo awful, wanted to jump out of my skin. Couldn't stand it, started getting severe anxiety attacks so with the help of this forum I reinstated 5 mg after 40 days and after 3 months I'm still recovering but feeling a lot better. When I have felt stable for long enough I will taper by 10 % slowlyyy. 

 

Since you stopped 4 months ago reinstating is not an option but time make things easier for you.

 

Keep us posted...

[Isaias923]

I was a bit away from the forum but thinking about you.

 

You reminded me so much of when I was 17, feeling fragile, being heartbroken (often

 

Once it was so bad I couldn't put anything into my mouth for maybe 2 weeks, lost so much wait, was crying uncontrollably... but nobody thought of referring me to a shrink...it was kind of normal...

 

My last antidepressant was/is Lexapro and I've read here it's more powerful than others so feel so sorry they put you on that stuff. I hope it helps you knowing that all these strange feelings (lack of feelings) and that awful urge to hurt yourself are because of the drug. And that they will pass!

 

I don't remember if I saw it anywhere how long you took it for and what dosage.

 

Hope you are doing better and look forward to an update from you.

 

bubble

Me too. Once I got my heart broke I stopped eating, I became a "vegetarian" to mask it. But I... miss it? Or rather miss the emotions. I miss being alive. Being a teenager. I could still be happy and I became so motivated. Revenge was my motivation. The best revenge is success. So I got my credits in line so I'd be able to graduate early, got 2 jobs and got me and my mom insurance, was writing alot of music... but I was just grieving alot... And I wish I could've seen that at the time when I was in that office with my doctor. I should've said no. But I've been wishing that this'll all go away and some stuff has got better, but alot hasn't. I guess only time will tell.

[bubble]

Please, please, please don't blame yourself for anything or have regrets over your decisions. I was reading a post by someone else who is 18 and came across what other member wrote. I feel the same about you so will just copy those words here:

 

I just read your intro... I had no idea you were 18. My gosh. You are a lot stronger than I gave you credit for. I couldn't imagine going through this at 18. I had many experiences that gave me the strength to endure this now at mid 40s. At 18, good riddance. But what I also think is that when you are better from all of this, you're going to still be young and you'll have so much more awareness and insight from it. And strength.

 

Plus, I personally tend to think youth works in your favor. I think the healing is better and that you will heal faster than you might think though I'm sure it feels terribly slow to you right now.

 

What also struck me from your first post is how mature you sound, reasoned, smart and strong. You did nothing wrong and you have all the time in the world to feel joy of being alive and full of emotions. The way you tried to use grief and turn it into something positive is remarkable! These coping strategies show your great inner strength.

 

Now you just have to be gentle with yourself and patiently wait for the emotions to come back. 

 

And we are here for you  

[Isaias923]

 

Please, please, please don't blame yourself for anything or have regrets over your decisions. I was reading a post by someone else who is 18 and came across what other member wrote. I feel the same about you so will just copy those words here:

 

I just read your intro... I had no idea you were 18. My gosh. You are a lot stronger than I gave you credit for. I couldn't imagine going through this at 18. I had many experiences that gave me the strength to endure this now at mid 40s. At 18, good riddance. But what I also think is that when you are better from all of this, you're going to still be young and you'll have so much more awareness and insight from it. And strength.

 

Plus, I personally tend to think youth works in your favor. I think the healing is better and that you will heal faster than you might think though I'm sure it feels terribly slow to you right now.

 

What also struck me from your first post is how mature you sound, reasoned, smart and strong. You did nothing wrong and you have all the time in the world to feel joy of being alive and full of emotions. The way you tried to use grief and turn it into something positive is remarkable! These coping strategies show your great inner strength.

 

Now you just have to be gentle with yourself and patiently wait for the emotions to come back. 

 

And we are here for you

 

Thank you so much for you kind words, Bubble. I really do appreciate them

[Isaias923]

Update:

I've been CRYING lately. Yes, crying. I know that might seem bad but its not. Not for me at least. When I cry, the darkness seems to fade a little bit. Now these crys don't last very long but its still progress. Maybe my emotions are coming back? I'll remain cautiously optimistic.

 

Also, I've been reading about how SSRI's can have an effect on your immune system, which it seemed to affect mine. My question is will it go back to normal? Will it take time just like my mind will take time to go back to normal?

 

-Isaias

[Rhiannon]

Yay, crying is good! I still don't have the full range of intensity of emotions but I love being able to cry.

 

You're going to get it all back and be just fine. Yes, it will take a little time, but it will be fine as long as you don't go on more meds.

 

And you'll have learned that psych drugs are not the answer for life's stresses and pains, early enough to not end up like some of us who lost 20 years or more.

 

The book Medication Madness by Peter Breggin talks about people experiencing those dark urges on psych meds, especially teens and kids. And people of all ages doing crazy things either on the drugs or during withdrawal. Not that anything you've done sounds particularly crazy or unusual to me.

[Nikki]

Hi Isasias...

 

You are luckier than alot of us in that you are young.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  You have a supportive family, and have done well in school.

 

Lexapro is a very potent drug.  That was my experience too.  While I was on it, I isolated.  With Lexapro and Paxil I had a red rash that looked like an arm band around my upper arms.  Caused alot of itching, particularly after being in the sun.  It took me two hellacious years to get off of it.

 

I have a problem with crying when I taper meds.  I become depressed and cry alot.  It was refreshing to red that you (and Rhi) have given yourself permission to cry....It was good for me to read that.

[mammaP]

It is lovely to cry sometimes! I remember during my taper I started to cry at all kinds of

things, movies, babies on youtube, songs, just about anythng! But they weren't depressed tears,

just tears that showed I was healing and feeling again. Then cried happy tears too. I must have

looked a sight when I was crying at a movie on tv and the kids asked if I was ok, I started laughing

and crying at the same time!  They just shook their heads laughed with me.

 

Crying is good and I'm happy for you 

[Isaias923]

Yay, crying is good! I still don't have the full range of intensity of emotions but I love being able to cry.

 

You're going to get it all back and be just fine. Yes, it will take a little time, but it will be fine as long as you don't go on more meds.

 

And you'll have learned that psych drugs are not the answer for life's stresses and pains, early enough to not end up like some of us who lost 20 years or more.

 

The book Medication Madness by Peter Breggin talks about people experiencing those dark urges on psych meds, especially teens and kids. And people of all ages doing crazy things either on the drugs or during withdrawal. Not that anything you've done sounds particularly crazy or unusual to me.

Yes. No more drugs for me. At all. I'd rather feel every emotion, the pain and the heartbreak than feel nothing. And 20 years?

 I'm sorry. So very sorry for anyone who had to be on these.. things for that long. It sad to think about it and I hope that they'll get better.

 

Hi Isasias...

 

You are luckier than alot of us in that you are young.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  You have a supportive family, and have done well in school.

 

Lexapro is a very potent drug.  That was my experience too.  While I was on it, I isolated.  With Lexapro and Paxil I had a red rash that looked like an arm band around my upper arms.  Caused alot of itching, particularly after being in the sun.  It took me two hellacious years to get off of it.

 

I have a problem with crying when I taper meds.  I become depressed and cry alot.  It was refreshing to red that you (and Rhi) have given yourself permission to cry....It was good for me to read that.

Yes. The rashes were unbearable. I'm just trying to be positive, but it gets hard sometimes. I'm thankful for this forum.

 

It is lovely to cry sometimes! I remember during my taper I started to cry at all kinds of

things, movies, babies on youtube, songs, just about anythng! But they weren't depressed tears,

just tears that showed I was healing and feeling again. Then cried happy tears too. I must have

looked a sight when I was crying at a movie on tv and the kids asked if I was ok, I started laughing

and crying at the same time!  They just shook their heads laughed with me.

 

Crying is good and I'm happy for you 

Crying was how I coped. Some people eat, some people smoke, I cry. I miss it. And I'm hoping that the rest of my mind and body goes back to normal as well.

 

Thank you all for your replies.

[bubble]

I was very happy about the news! 

 

And again marvel your maturity: our society compels us to see uncomfortable emotions as something not only undesirable but it goes further into pathologising them. So it's amazing you can see their real value despite all the negative publicity they receive.

 

I also like it when I can cry, it's such a treat And when tears are there, smiles are not far either  

[Isaias923]

Update:

Been awhile since I've updated but I've been doing okay. I've been drinking. Not like an alcoholic but every now and then. I know it sounds bad but I feel so happy when I do. Speaking of happy, my emotions are returning to normal; my skin is getting better, some discoloration left but for the most part its better. I had a break down earlier this month, on the 5th to be precise. I guess -- for the first time in a long while -- I felt human, alive. It was strange being truly sad, it was almost foreign to me. That feeling in my chest, like a thousand needles poking me. And I just sat and cried. Went through a box of kleenex. I have faith that my body will continue going back to normal and that I can be back to being Isaias one day. 

[bubble]

so nice to hear from you!

 

I remember you from time to time and think to myself things got ok for you and you are out there enjoying life. Very, very happy to see this is the case

 

I'm also thinking that, if u went to a pdoc and told him about your listlessness, a pile of meds would've been thrown at you.

 

Unlike many much older people, u realised that was not the way, came here again, accepted your awful condition, lived with it and it went away of its own accord!

 

It can be risky to take alcohol when your nervous system is sensitive but in your case I'm not concerned. Like everything you seem to be handling it very maturely and responsibly.

 

I can't help it saying again how trully impressed I am with you

 

and the last note: beatiful and sensitive souls frequently get perturbed with harsh reality so it would be great if in such moments you come for support here or talk to sympathetic people anywhere.

 

At such an early age you have this powerful experience and understanding that drugs don't work and that unpleasant emotions are natural and settle over time if you modify the behaviour they were warning you about and accept them...

 

Once again, thanks so much for sharing, most people don't once they feel better.

 

You've made my day

 

i'm positive things will continue to improve but if there are any hiccups we are here for you.

 

Bubble

[Altostrata]

Nice to hear from you, Isaias.

 

I agree with bubble -- you didn't have a "breakdown," you had a moment of deep feeling!