Marissa Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 There is no turning back for me. I should have never tried. Have been strong for 1.5 years and it's just too much. But I clearly have no choice but to keep moving forward. No informed consent about what could happen when trying to get off ssri's after being on it for over 20 years. Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted August 28, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 28, 2014 Hi Marissa, Welcome to SA, thank you for posting. I joined your two posts into one thread, its one intro topic per member. You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. What medications have you been withdrawing from and what symptoms are you having? We need a little more information if we are going to be able to help. You may be tapering too fast, or trying to come off two drugs at the same time. If you give us some more details, we can make suggestions about what might help. I'm glad you found us, there is a lot of friendly help and support here. Petu. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I know of a rehab in Pasadena, California, that uses Librium to help people stop drinking. It's an old-fashioned drug. I was given it in youth (late 70s) when I was drinking too much. It made me insanely happy and sociable--I suppose a touch of mania. It was pretty powerful, but I didn't stop drinking for what it's worth. (I went to AA and quit easily a few years later. That was a miracle of some sort.)I'm pretty sure it would induce dependence and require yet another taper. That said, based on how I recall it, it could bring short term relief. Have you read about it being used to help with withdrawal from other meds? And yes you're right. None of us knew what we were getting into, and neither did our doctors. My last psychiatrist firmly believes that psych meds don't change your brain and don't have protracted discontinuation syndromes. He treated me like a child who was too petulant to "take my meds." (I told him they were HIS meds, not MINE.)Hang in there. Others are enduring this too and we need each other. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Here's an old study where they somewhat cruelly switched patients from a high dose of Librium to a placebo without telling them.It's not pretty.http://www.benzo.org.uk/hollister.htm 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
andy Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Here's an old study where they somewhat cruelly switched patients from a high dose of Librium to a placebo without telling them. It's not pretty. http://www.benzo.org.uk/hollister.htm How can they get away treating humans like this ? 2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013 December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey 2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey 2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reducedMay 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/ Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Know what, Andy? I think it's because once one becomes a patient in psychiatry, one loses one's personhood. They don't see us as whole people with love and life in our hearts. We are symptomatic, and they think they can help us by repressing symptoms. You basically give up your rights the moment you admit to a mental health problem, in the current system. Would they have done such a study on treatment for liver disorders? Not on a dare. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Jemima Posted August 29, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 29, 2014 Librium is in the same class of drugs as Valium and other benzodiazepines, so using it to help with antidepressant withdrawal symptoms on any kind of regular basis can and often does lead to addiction. As Petu said, we can't offer much help without knowing more of your situation. "Too complicated" just isn't enough information for us to offer any suggestions. Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's RazorIntroduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/ Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers. Link to comment
Marissa Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Petu, I'm actually not new to the forum--have been around since December. I don't know why it let me post here--sorry if I put it in the wrong place. I'm not feeling my best at all. It also didn't link replies to alerts in my email box. I added info to my signature. I'm thinking about benzos now because I want relief. know it's a bad idea. Though I am curious if anyone has tried it for small stretches of time during the initial withdrawal phase (and not past that). I'm tired of fighting but am trying to because there is no other way. My akathisia is back and I'm SO uncomfortable. Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I am debating this same issue at present. My logical mind thinks it would be foolish, but I also am finding life close to unbearable.I did have an Ativan prescription while I was enduring ADHD med hell. It helped a lot, but I ran out one evening and came close to calling an ambulance. I felt hot, faint, exhausted, and overall horrible. It relented when I found a quarter of a pill in my purse and took it.I didn't refill the prescription after that, but about a year later I was prescribed some during an acute anxiety/blood pressure/heart rate that sent me to emergency for help. I think it was 5 tablets that they gave me. That time when I ran out I didn't have any symptoms.However based on how quickly my body became dependent the first time, I believe the drug is unsafe for me. A relative had to kick it a few years back and she said it was just awful. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted August 30, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 30, 2014 Hi Marissa, I merged your threads to your original one so we can see what has been happening. It's one thread per person here in the introductions. It can be hard to find your thread when you have been away for a while but if you go to your profile you will see a list on the left side, click on 'topics' and it will show your original thread. I am sorry that you are feeling so bad but honestly I would not go down the benzo route! I have to admit I have been seriously close myself but it just is not worth it. Benzos have to be tapered too and withdrawal is excruciating. They could even make things worse because your nervous system is unstable with so many changes. I'm not familiar with some of the drugs you have been taking so can't really comment on what to do right now. I need to do some research! What I do know is that your nervous system has taken a huge battering with all the changes and needs stability. It may help to updose the trazadone slightly and see if that helps. If it does help then hold everything for a few months to stabilise. You don't say how much trazodone you were on when you started tapering or what you are on now but the rate you have been tapering is far too fast. Also what happened with prozac, did you stop that too? This is going to take time, and patience. Every time you throw in more meds it destabilises your nervous system further. Sadly psychiatrists only know how to write prescriptions and haven't a clue about the damage they are causing! Topic on tapering trazodone. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2883-tips-for-tapering-off-trazodone/ **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 30, 2014 Administrator Share Posted August 30, 2014 Marissa, what happened between last March and August 27, when you came back here again? What drugs are you taking now? Did you ever contact any of the doctors on our list http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/ This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Marissa Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Some more info/clarification: -Went back up to 20 mgs of Prozac in December, where I remain. -Currently on 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant -Since March: the Horizant/gabapentin appeared to be triggering it's own restlessness. Very quickly reduced from 1200 mgs Horizant to 600 and stopped taking the 1200 gabapentin. Restlessness went away but I now have enduring withdrawal symptoms from that. Also began reducing the trazodone--by 12.5 to 25 mgs at a time.. I've been super aggressive with the trazodone taper out of the chance that if I get off of it, my interstitial cystitis will go away because my psychiatrist said he had someone where their bladder problems stopped, but only after they were totally off trazodone. However, I doubt that this is going to be true for me. I think the IC was triggered by the SSRI dose reduction. It didn't help when I increased the Prozac from 10 every other day to 20 daily. And it's too late to try to reinstate higher--went I tried adding Lexapro back in in January--it was really bad. I need relief from my IC--I can't stand feeling like I have a UTI every day--which is what it feels like. I am taking pyridium and tylenol every day to dull symptoms--but they are still there. I'm doing weekly bladder instillations and they aren't working. Most of the treatments for IC are antidepressants and other psych meds--like gabapentin, so it doesn't seem like there are many options left for me. I wish so bad I never tried to get off the Lexapro--I don't want to suffer every day for the rest of my life with IC. I know my tapers have been crazy fast. And that I am inpatient and stubborn. I feel like if my psychiatrist had known what he was doing in the first place, it wouldn't have set off this cascade and maybe I wouldn't be in this situation at all. I take responsibility for going fast since I learned more about this--but I have had my reasons. I contacted one psychiatrist on the list who said he couldn't help me and that he thought withdrawal with "inconvenient." The others would require that I miss a full day of work. I guess also I feel like what's the point because I don't think there is anything a psychiatrist can do for me. Though it would be nice to at least have once that doesn't make me super mad for being a jerk about this all. Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 31, 2014 Administrator Share Posted August 31, 2014 The interstitial cystitis might be due to a food sensitivity. You might be able to reduce the symptoms by dropping some items from your diet. See http://www.ichelp.org/Page.aspx?pid=995 and http://thelowhistaminechef.com/low-oxalate-low-histamine-diet-the-missing-link/ As you know, we recommend being very gradual and systematic in drug changes (see the 3KIS topic pinned at the top of this forum). You've made many big drug changes precipitously in the past, and it looks like you are continuing to do this. This keeps your nervous system in an uproar. There's not much I can suggest but keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your drugs, keep everything very regular so you can identify what's causing what, and make changes very, very carefully. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Marissa, is the IC as painful as they say? If so, I'm really sorry to hear it. I'm reminded that after my (ignorant-doctor-ordered) abrupt stopping of Effexor I resorted to disposable diapers leftover from my husband's convalescence because I had to urinate every few minutes and had trouble getting in and out of bed (or doing anything). (I'm in my early fifties.) I wonder if that was yet another discontinuation symptom...I hope you get some relief from the IC one way or another. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Marissa Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thanks--yes--IC sucks a lot. I have cut out some foods in my diet, which has helped--but it's still there. Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
Marissa Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 More than 3 years after my initial taper, I have ended up on more meds than I started with and have severe damage, The legacy effects seem to be: -Treatment resistant depression -Worsened anxiety -Exercise intolerance -Chills -Sexual difficulties -Inability to tolerate many medications--they mainly cause akathesia but have also caused SI and other reactions. -Chronic pain: interstitial cystitis, pudential neuraglia vs. vulvadynia, peripherial neuropathy in hands and feet, nerve damage also affecting my butt and the right half of my face, lips, eye. -Feel traumatized, separate from most of the world (misunderstood, not believed, beyond help), extremely angry, hopeless Does anyone have an leads regarding addressing treatment resistant depression? It's very SEVERE at this point. I am considering TMS but am also very fearful of the potential damage. I see an outpatient therapist 3 times a week, try, and I'm still not getting better. Thanks for listening. Marissa Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
Marissa Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 I should add that my med list/history listed below my email hasn't been updated in a very long time...sorry Have been on SSRI's for 21 years. Was on Welbutrin for 10. Leaving out many details, but this is the summary: -March 2013 started taper from 20 mgs of Lexapro, down 5 mgs a month, then 5 mgs every other day -Added trazodone and increased over time to 150 mgs -August 2013 tapered off 150 mgs of Wellbutrin -October 2013 cross tapered from 5 mgs every other day of Lexapro to 10 mgs every other day of Prozac -November/December 2013 added 1200 mgs of gabapentin and 1200 mgs Horizant -December 2013 increased Prozac to 20 mgs -November 2013-January 2014 tried a much of other psych meds -March-April 2014 got down to 600 mgs of Horizant and no more gabapentin. Also tapering down on trazodone-12.5 to 25 mgs a month -Had to add a ton of meds to survive the akathisia. Later the gabapentin/Horizant appeared to be triggering the restless. Have been trying to get off the trazodone on the chance it's causing the development of my interstitial cystitis. Horrible SSRI post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Also terrible gabapentin/Horizant enduring withdrawal effects.Can't go up on the gabapentin/Horizant now because it triggers burning now in multiple regions of my body. -Current meds are: 20 mgs Prozac, 75 mgs Trazodone, 600 mgs Horizant Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted May 26, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 26, 2016 Marissa, I merged your new Intro with your old one - it's one Intro per member here. That way we can keep your history all together. Could you please update your signature? Please put your Withdrawal History in Signature I think the only treatment for treatment resistant depression is to get off the SSRIs etc. and use Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms I wish it were simpler than that. If you could let us know your current drug profile, we can help figure which one to start with. Please fill us in on what has occurred between now and Aug. 2014. Of note is Alto's post: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5500-marissa-new-to-forum-need-some-advice-support/?p=98924 What you likely need now is 1) stability 2) consistency and 3) systematic reduction of your meds, focusing on one at a time, using the 10% method for tapering: Why taper by 10% of my dosage? I know you've seen this before. I'm very sorry that you are in this bind. Psychiatry has failed you, and it's time to take control and get drug-free. Your nervous system can remodel, with great improvements possible. Your depression is CAUSED by the drugs; that is what treatment-resistant depression is. It is not the original depression that has become resistant to ADs. Your drugs ARE your problem. They need to go, and it will be a slog to do it, but we can help you with that if you let us. SG Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
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