Freckles: New Year, New Me (hopefully)

[Freckles]

When I was 12 years old, I started exhibiting sign of depression. (At least that's what my parents have always told me.) My parents began shuttling me to therapy appointments to get me the "help" I needed. This "help" came in the form of a little green and white pill. Prozac would "fix my bridge."  See the way my doctor explained my need for the medication was with a little analogy. He even drew pictures. He told me about the chemicals in the brain and how they travel to make things work. He said most people's brains have bridges that allow the chemicals to travel from one part of the brain to another. But some people, those who are depressed, have broken bridges. This medication would "fix my bridge" allowing my chemicals to travel and me to be "normal"  { Wow, way to go Doctor. Tell a little girl she is broken and can't be like everyone else until she takes this pill }

 

So, anyways teenage years set in and I remember many mornings fighting with my mom about the pills. I told her I didn't need them, I didn't want them, and I wouldn't take them. I remember her pleading with me,  "Its not a bad thing, you're just different. It's just one pill, if it makes you feel better isn't it worth it? Your dad and I take them too." I  asked her how long I needed to take them for, she told me "Maybe forever."

 

Some where along the line I stopped fighting and began to believe I was better off when I was taking the pills. I made it through high school and earned my associates degree at a local community college. At about 24 years old, I decided I wanted to try to go off the meds. See if I could handle it now that I was an "adult". I talked to my doctor who weaned me off and set a follow-up of 3 months. I was back in his office 2 months later asking for a prescription. I couldn't handle it. It was too much. I was different and NEEDED the pills. He said I wasn't a failure and gave me my prescription. 

 

At 27 I got married to my high school sweetheart who had been with me since I was 18. He had seen me on and off the pills and truly felt I could do without. I was terrified to go off of them after my last failure. As most newlyweds do we started discussing our future family. We knew we weren't ready to start, but wanted to begin preparing for the day our family grew.  I asked my doctor what medication would be safe for me to continue taking throughout a pregnancy and he gave me a new prescription.

 

Back in June I was due to refill my meds, but the Dr. wouldn't do it until I came to see him. (It had been over a year since I last had a med checkup). I don't currently have health insurance and an office visit would run me $90. After a discusion with my husband we decided it would be best for me to try again to go off the meds. At 29 years old, I feel I know more now and that I am not "doomed to be depressed for life." I can overcome this stigma that I am uncurable. I am not broken and I choose not to expose my future child to these drugs before they take their first breath. 

 

I told my doctor all of this and he wrote me one last prescription. It was enough to ween me off but he told me to save 14 in case it didn't go well I would have a back-up. Since August 1, 2013 I have been off the meds. It has been a long hard road and I think I am just getting to the really tough part. I ended up here after an awful Sunday morning. I realized I need more help than my husband can give me. I need people that have been though this and come out the other side. 

Edited January 5, 2014 by Karma
Added paragraph breaks to make post more readable

[mammaP]

Hi Freckles, I'm sorry  that you were given meds at just 12 years old. I makes me sad when children 

are medicated. Well done for deciding to get off them, it was a brave decision after being told you were 

'broken' when you were so young. 

 

I'm sorry that you are having withdrawal symptoms, some people manage to stop them without any

symptoms but I don't think there are very many. Sometimes it is possible to reinstate a ver small dose

that eases withdrawal, then that can be tapered when stabilised.  The more time that passes the less

likely it is to help but some people have found that it has helped at 6 months off.  I guess that is 

something you would not be wanting to do, none of us wanted to take another pill, that choice is yours

and if you don't wish to try that you will find lots of helpful links and suggestions in the symptoms and 

self care forums here. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Here is a link to our topic on reinstating and stabilising if you decide that you would like to give it a try.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

Welcome to our little corner of the world wide web, you will find lots of friendly support here 

[Meimeiquest]

Welcome, Freckles! What symptoms are troubling you at this time?

[Freckles]

Wild mood swings, fatigue, crying spells, are these symptoms or withdraw or depression. Are they the same thing? I have good days and bad. Today was bad, yesterday was good. I'm also premenstrual which has been a nightmare over the past few months. I have wondered to myself if some of these are normal emotions I haven't learned to deal with. While most kids were learning to deal with their feelings and emotions I was drugged up so it made it easier. I think I am just now learning how to actually compartmentalize these feelings.

[Meimeiquest]

In coming off the drug, have you ever had any other symptoms?

[Lexy]

Welcome Freckles

 

You will find good advice here. Just reading other people's journey has helped me immensely.

[Lexy]

All the symptoms you mentioned above, I've had. They come and go. Everyday there's one or a couple symptoms going on.

I have learned that the only way is to taper slowly. You stopped within two months...that it too quick. You've been on the AD for so many years. It's a shame drs don't tell us how terrible WDs are or what to expect.

 

Have you thought of reinstating a small dose?

There are others here who can help...they have helped me along my journey.

[Freckles]

Wish my doctor would have mentioned that 2 months was too quick...been considering re-instating a small dose.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Freckles.

 

Even 1mg Lexapro might help with the withdrawal symptoms.

 

Lexapro comes in a liquid. See this topic about titrating: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/