strawberry17: Hi from strawberry17

[Altostrata]

As we say in the US!

[strawberry17]

Alto you know I talk to so many Americans on line, I've started saying things like "it sucks" in real life!! What we would actually say, in the UK is it's Sh**

[Altostrata]

Oh, grownups say that here, too. "Sucks" has become so common, everyone says it here, even small children.

[Karma]

Hi Strawberry ... what happens if you just "feel" the dread and anxiety? Can you get to the other side?

 

Sometimes when these things happen to me I realize I am resisting the emotion that is trying to come over me. There have been times when I just surrender to the emotion and really experience it, then it seems to lessen its hold on me.

 

What happens if you don't sleep the night before work - are you so tired you cannot go to work? Sometimes when I'm having difficulty falling completely asleep - I just let it be. There are times when I don't sleep that soundly and I'm a little worn down in the morning (actually dragging), but once I get to work and start my day I am able to function just fine. I'm just wondering if you push through it if you could break its hold on you.

 

Just sharing some ideas ... I hope this situation resolves for you soon.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[Nikki]

Hi Strawberry....

 

You have been doing this a long time. It must be frustrating at this point in time. The frustration and fear of the impending anxiety and thought of not being able to sleep can actually be the biggest trigger.

 

What dose are you at now? You can always get a prescription for a benzo. Use it sparingly and just enough to get you over this bump. Sometimes we really need to break the cycle and this may be the only way to do it. It's not failure, or caving in, it is simply assistance during a difficult period.

 

Anxiety sux...insomnia does too and they seem to go hand-in-hand. I say take a small dose of a benzo, so you don't have to stay out of work. You said you like it very much.

 

Feel for you.

 

Hugs

[strawberry17]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond here, I really do appreciate it!

 

Karma I get what you're saying, abolutely, and normally I do this, normally I accept that I've had a ropey night and soldier on through the day anyway knowing that I'll sleep like a log that night. But this seems somehow more intense and has a different quality to it, which makes me think it is the prozac acting on me, it's not just the insomnia it's the intense despair and anxiety alongside it which makes it impossible to go to work when that's happened, I did do that once a couple of weeks ago and felt so appalling and on the brink of tears I excused myself and went home.

 

Nikki, I do actually have some benzos, I get a script once a year of 14 tabs and use them extremely sparingly through the year if something difficult comes up, often it's more than a year between scripts, I think I may use them just two nights this week.

 

I have to say, I did feel a definite shift in me yesterday and I think the updose of Prozac maybe at last taking effect. I think Alto was right that I have got sensitive to tiny amounts now so when and if I get back on the taper it will have to be a micro taper.

[peggy]

Strawberry, I so get the 'it's got a different feel to it' - i tried to explain it to someone once, but gave up.

am glad to hear there was a little shift yesterday

[strawberry17]

Peggy I do like your "rinse and repeat" in your signature

Sadly though it feels like I've done rinse and repeat far too many times in the past few years!!

[strawberry17]

First morning in a long time with no anxiety/cortisol.

[dalsaan]

Hi Strawberry

 

Good to hear you were ok this morning. I'm so pleased for you. I hope this means you have turned a corner

 

Dalsaan

[jr1985]

Glad you're feeling better.

[xDebbiejo]

I'm so pleased to hear you're feeling better too

 

Debbie x

[strawberry17]

Thanks all of you, yes I have been feeling so much better this week.

[strawberry17]

OK so I'm still struggling, this morning I feel like I'm losing the plot. I thought things were improving last week. My main problem is still insomnia and anxiety around the insomnia, you know..not being able to switch off, then anxiety building as the night goes on until I'm lying there all night unable to sleep,with a knot in my stomach worrying about how I'm going to fuction the next day, well that was last night anyway. I feel like I'm losing the plot because up until about Sep/Oct I was a relatively good sleeper with just the odd blip. I have managed to keep on top of going to work with the help of some tamezapam last week. I thought about getting signed off for a couple of weeks but I really don't want to do that because it will make it even harder to go back (and I'll feel bad because we're coming up to our incredibly busy time and it will create problems for my colleagues - although rationally not my problem that we're short staffed to start with).

 

I've cut down coffee/tea intake.

I'm begining to make a start with looking into mindfulness and have started "The Mindful Way Through depression"

 

In desperation I bought these: Doxylamine Succinate off Amazon, I took one on Sat night and of course I worried about what I'd taken and couldn't get to sleep properly and ended up with the most God awful hangover on Sunday from them. So that was maybe not a good idea. Wondered about half a one.

 

I am going back to the doctors this afternoon as I've been called up for an NHS health check, I don't know whether to chew it over with the doctor, get some more tamezapam to help me over this period, or whether that's just creating another problem?

 

Do I updose the Prozac again?

 

Help???

[strawberry17]

Just realised that Dalsaan mentioned taurine back on page 3, what is taurine? how might it help? is this it? http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/pages/product_detail.asp?pid=29&searchterm=taurine&rdcnt=1

[flower]

Strawberry your story is heartbreaking,I too suffer this torment.I've cried all morning again.I get sick when I updose or taper..I pray for us both to be strong.I am on liquid Celexa at 7mgs and trying to hold...I took an extra .5mgs yeserday and sure enough it's made me ill.I hope I can hang in there also

[strawberry17]

To update, I went to my NHS health check, I saw an awful "I know best" locum doctor, who lectured me (or at least that's how I felt in my sleep deprived haze) that he doesn't prescribe tamezapam as it's highly addictive (he then went onto write me a huge script for it - go figure as you say in the States). He then told me that the dose of fluox I'm on is a complete waste of time it won't be doing anything for me whatsoever I may as well stop taking it, and he wrote me a script for amitriptyline and explained how taking that at night would help me long term with my sleep and wouldn't affect my libido and would be much better than the tamezapan. Needless to say I didn't fill that script and came away totally confused.

[Altostrata]

Well, good thing you got the temazapam prescription.

 

How has it gone since the updose to 1.05mg? What was the symptom pattern?

[strawberry17]

Since the updose to 1.05ml good nights and bad nights, much the same as before I think. I probably ought to keep a log.

[Altostrata]

Yes, do.

 

You may need an occasional benzo to get over this rough patch.

 

If you've experienced a gradual deterioration, it may be your system telling you the Prozac is too much -- it's applying its own correctional method, a healthy sign. If you can figure this out, you might decrease by .01mg and see if that helps.

[strawberry17]

It's so confusing to know what to do for the best. My husband thinks I should updose to about 1.20ml - 1.50ml but says ultimately it's up to me,and he doesn't really know, I'm lucky he's so supportive. He did agree that the doctor I saw was talking out of his ass. With regard to the tamezapam it was never my intention to use every night in a solid block, just maybe a couple of times a week to get me to work ok over this rough period.

 

I'm not really understanding what you're saying Alto, I'll come back and re read it tomorrow night! but are you saying go from 1.05ml to 1.04ml? at the moment I have no idea how to do that, I'm not totally convinced my measurements are accurate as it is, the way I'm doing it is 0.5ml then 0.55ml trying to expel as many air bubbles as possible.

 

Will start a log to see if I can see the problems clearing over time.

[Altostrata]

Right, decrease slightly???

 

Doesn't your 1mL oral syringe measure to .01mg or .02mg?

[strawberry17]

My syringe does measure to 0.01mg but I need a magnifying glass to see it let alone measure it accurately, and I do have good close vision. Maybe I don't have the best 1ml syringes?

[Altostrata]

The Danish ones from Baxa have the clearest markings I've found. I can see them and I'm quite nearsighted.

 

strawb, I checked with a knowledgeable doctor and he said you could indeed be experiencing an excess of Prozac. Given its long half-life, it would take several weeks to reach high tide.

 

From this topic, you went up to 1mg November 7. On November 12, you said you were feeling better. This would be about right, it would take 3-4 days to feel the difference.

 

You added .05mg around November 16-17 and felt a "definite shift" on the 17th. This could still have been the increase to 1mg ramping up.

 

You were doing better on November 20, but on December 11 reported you were struggling -- 3 weeks after the .05mg increase November 16-17.

 

It seems the .05mg might have overshot your tolerance, and the Prozac became activating.

 

Now, this is only one possibility. It's very hard to tell which way to go, increase or decrease, in these situations. The doctor suggested reducing, maybe even by .05mg, and seeing how that works for 3-4 days.

[strawberry17]

Alto that was incredibly kind of you to ask a doctor for me and thank you for talking about me to a doctor who has a bit of knowledge.

Everything is a bit of a shot in the dark, so going up further could be a mistake?

 

I will definately look up the syringe you mentioned tonight as I don't feel the ones I have are clear enough to see the markings which probably isn't helping.

 

I do know that Prozac is a "stimulating" drug so it could explain my sleep/anxiety being messed about. I will have a think today.

 

Thanks once again for taking the time to respond to me.

[Altostrata]

Yes, this is what he said. It makes sense to me.

 

Of course, we can't directly ask your nervous system what it wants. Experimentation is the only way to figure this out.

[peggy]

Hi Strawberry,

hope you are feeling a little better today.

 

I wonder if you were to add some sterile water to the prozac to dilute it a bit further it may be easier to measure out? If you mixed 1ml prozac with 1ml water then you would be measuring down from 2ml rather than 1?

[strawberry17]

Hi Peggy

 

I am actually feeling "normal" today, partly because I slept incredibly well (with a little help) last night. Fingers crossed it lasts (without the extra help).

I've started a log.

Alto I've had a right problem finding the Baxa syringe in the UK but found a link here, does this look like the one? http://www.air-craft.net/acatalog/Syringe-1ml.html

 

Thinking about your idea Peggy, trying to work out how I would do that in practise?

[Altostrata]

Yes, that's the correct syringe, strawb. Buy a bunch and give them as gifts!

 

(They might be available from veterinary supply.)

[strawberry17]

That was the only place I could find them online in the UK and they only had 2 in stock! I'll get some more when they get more in the new year.

 

I had a bloody horrible horrible night again, I wasn't depressed just that horrible feeling like I'd drunk too much coffee before bed and couldn't switch off, about 2am I got so fed up I went downstairs and broke into the whisky bottle (I know, not a good idea) it sent me into a doze for a while but then I woke aware that I was crying in my sleep. I'm so fed up of sitting around at home alone and fed up after rotten nights I'm going into the office today with other half regardless.

 

Whilst lying there I was thinking about how I've been at 1.05ml for nearly a month and can't see any improvement so I'm going back to 1ml and see how that goes.

[strawberry17]

I am also keeping a log on an excel spreadsheet so I can pin down any patterns or improvements more accurately.

[strawberry17]

I posted something on my page on Facebook and a good friend who lives down the road and is a nurse contacted me to say she could get me the syringes, how nice is that?

 

I went down to 1ml this morning, but husband thinks I should have just gone to 1.40ml as you suggested. Have no idea what to do now!!

[Altostrata]

You know in a few days if you've gone in the right direction.

 

There must be other ways to get those syringes. Maybe write Baxa and ask where they can be found http://www.baxa.com/exactamed/ ? Maybe get your pharmacist to order free samples here http://www.baxa.com/exactamed/downloads.html ?

[strawberry17]

Thanks Alto have now e mailed the UK link to ask where I can get some.

[Altostrata]

strawb, how are you doing?

[strawberry17]

Well patchy improvements. Over the week end I suddenly felt the anxiety, at night, just melt away and I was sleeping better, not perfectly but better, then last night I had raging anxiety and a poor night again and some dread/anxiety this morning but it seems to have melted away again this afternoon. I am keeping a log, but I think I need to stick with 1ml for better or worse now and just get stable there. Don't know if you read my last blog post about the nurse friend and the syringe education, I'd inadvertently updosed more than I'd intended!!