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Akina

☼ Akina: Today is the Day

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Akina

Hi everyone.  I've been on here before but never posted anything.  So here's a bit of my story.

 

My first job that was actually a 'career' began in 2009 working as a therapist to teenagers.  The stress was unreal, like nothing I had ever experienced and there was no relief for nearly 2 years.  During this time I lost all 3 of my remaining grandparents.  I was on-call 24/7 for my job so I could not grieve and I would take day-trips to the funerals which were 9 hours away, all the while continuing to pile on the work stress.

 

And so it begins - I had my first panic attack in the middle-of-nowhere driving down the highway on the way back from my last grandparent's funeral.  I tried to ignore it for a bit but I thought I was going to die.  Ended up calling an ambulance on myself because I couldn't find the hospital.  So there I was all alone in a strange hospital, being diagnosed with anxiety.  I was prescribed Xanax .5mg 3 per day as needed.  Saw my PCP shortly thereafter and was prescribed Sertraline 50mg as a more long-term 'solution'.  I was able to take less and less Xanax and was starting to feel better.

 

Blessing of all blessings, I got a new job in 2011 and am still at this job and I love it.  After awhile I thought surely I could come off meds because I was blissfully happy!  I weaned myself off the Sertraline and started to have phantom illnesses.  I was dizzy and faint and would experience panic-waking in the middle of the night.  I started having extra menstrual periods and was prescribed birth control to help with that issue, against the knowledge that my family has an incredible history of blood-clotting.  After awhile I became convinced that there was something wrong with my heart or that I had a blood clot in my lungs or heart.  Unfortunately, a d-dymer test (an incredibly unreliable lab) came back positive, only adding to my blood clot worry.  After several chest x-rays, a chest CT, EKGs, Echocardiogram, MRI brain, Neurologist, Cardiologist, ENT - I have discovered that I am completely healthy.  One fainting incident at work landed me in the ER, where the doc first used the term "Anxiety Disorder" to describe my condition.  I was livid.  "But, I'm happy.  I don't feel stressed at all!"  He quickly informed me that a person with Anxiety Disorder does not have to be stressed to have symptoms.  Huh?!  So back on Sertraline I went, this time 100mg.

 

I have a wonderful support system and lots of well-meaning people helped convince me that it wasn't so bad to be pill-dependent for the rest of my life.  At that point I was happily single and happy with life in general so I did not see much of a problem with it.  And then, "love hit me like a 10-pound hammer, a 10-pound hammer with a 5-foot swing!"  I never saw it coming but I fell madly in love and got married this past year.  I have been thinking to myself that once love, marriage and sex happens I must take responsibility for the possibility of concieving a child, though that is not in our plans for a long time, if at all.  Accidents happen and I couldn't live with myself if something I did hurt my child by continuing to take meds.  I've also grown interested in natural ways of coping and healing the body and would love to be off all medications eventually. 

 

Call it Providence or coincidence but there was a mix-up with my Pharmacy and PCP communication this past weekend which has forced me to terminate my Sertraline.  I had 2 pills left and cut them in half to wean off as much as I could but today is my first day not taking a pill at all.  During the 4 days that I took the half-pills I felt dizzy every so often but nothing I couldn't handle.  I felt absolutely awesome this morning and was marveling at how great I felt off the pills.  But then this afternoon hit like a truck.  I have intense waves of feeling almost incapacitated along with absolutely constant dizzyness when I'm not fully incapacitated.  During the low points I really wish I could just take a pill but I don't have any.  I'm miserable and it's only the first day.  I want this so bad and hate that my body won't cooperate because of all the abuse it's taken for years.

 

So that's my story and my recovery is only beginning.  Whatever advice you may have for dealing with the withdrawals is very welcome.  Is there anything at all that you have found that helps with the dizziness?  I would very much love to keep my job so I need to be able to function!  Thanks for reading!


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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Petunia

Hi Akina,

Welcome and thank you for posting an introduction, it was very interesting.

 

What you are experiencing now is withdrawal and it can last many months.  The inserts in all the newer antidepressants and many other psychiatric drugs advise reinstatement of the medication if withdrawal symptoms appear.

 

You need to get a new prescription right away, either from your PCP or the ER.  Tell them you ran out of your medication and are in withdrawal.  Then go back on your full dose.  It may take a while before you stabilize again, possibly several weeks.  Once you are feeling better then you can begin a safe taper.

 

Please read through these topics fully, they will explain why reinstatement and safe tapering is important and the second thread is about proper tapering off Sertraline:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1441-tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline/?hl=sertraline

 

Please would you put a short version of your drug and withdrawal history in your signature, it helps members to understand your situation when replying to your posts, instructions for how to do that are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

I'm glad you decided to post and ask for advice as soon as you did.  Withdrawal from antidepressants can be very uncomfortable and the longer you leave it to reinstate, the less chance there is of it working.  If you reinstate and taper properly, then you will still be able to function in your daily life, cold turkey withdrawal and too fast tapers can cause devastation in lives, there is evidence of that right here.

 

You will find a lot of friendly help and support here with getting off your meds safely.

 

Petu.

 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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mammaP

Hi Akina, there is nothing to add to Petu's advise, except to agree wholeheartedly

with what she says.  No-one ever wants to reinstate but it is the only way to stop 

the withdrawal.  A slow taper can then be done safely with a minimum of discomfort.

Lots of us have reinstated, but sadly there are also many who were too late for the

reinstatement to be effective.  The earlier you reinstate the better the outcome. 

 

I'm glad you came here, you are in the right place, everyone here is in the same boat

and you will get lots of support.  


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Akina

Update: My drs office was closed today and it's not like I was having any luck with them anyway so my husband took me to First Assist.  So thankful for the doctor who understood my issues and prescribed my normal dose of Sertraline 100mg.  I still cut it in half and only took 50mg.  I'm feeling much better now and think I will try to stay on 50mg for awhile and then taper again until I can be free.  Thank you all for your encouragement.  I do have my drug history in my signature - is it not showing up?  I'll see if I can figure it out.


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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Altostrata

Oh, thank goodness.

 

Yes, we can see your signature.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Rhiannon

Akina, given that you've said you want to be able to remain functional at your job, I would consider going ahead and going back up to the full dose or at least 80% of the full dose you have been taking, stay there for a couple of months to stabilize, and then begin a safe taper with cuts of 10% or less to start.

 

50% is a pretty drastic cut and I've never seen that NOT lead to withdrawal. Usually what happens is people end up having to go back up on the dose eventually anyway, after a lot of suffering, and it takes longer to stabilize at that point, and then it's a long time before they're finally well enough to start their 10% taper and often they have to taper more slowly as well at that point.

 

Of course I can't say for certain what will happen with you. Just something to consider.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Akina

I've not been on in awhile so I thought I would update on my journey.  I am doing SO well!!  I stayed on the 50mg of Sertraline for a couple months and then I started cutting those in half to take 25mg/day.  I honestly did not keep track of exact dates and how long I took which dosage.  I truly let my body lead me.  When my withdrawals were minimal and I felt I was ready, I would bump the dosage down again.  My doctor then prescribed me 25mg pills and after awhile I cut those in half and then started to take the halves every other day until I finally stopped taking them all together.  Like I said, I haven't kept track this time of how long it has been and for me, that has actually helped.  I'm trying not to focus so much on timelines and somehow it feels more relaxed.  Everyone has to find their own way to do this.  I would say it has been approximately 4 months since my last pill.  I had withdrawals (mostly dizziness) for about a month but I haven't had any problems since.  I am so happy and I want others to know that they can do this!!  Follow your body's lead on this and try to keep a positive attitude.  Another thing that helped me was to try and stay busy during withdrawals.  The more I focused on the dizziness, the more dizzy I became so I tried my best to just keep working and ignore it as best I could.  I'm not saying this is the end of my journey.  I'm sure I will still have effects of this medication for a long time.  I am just celebrating the success of today!  Peace and blessings to all of you.


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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Altostrata

That's great news, Akina. How are you doing now?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Akina

Hey, all.  I've been feeling great since being off Sertraline.  I've still been taking Alprazolam 0.25mg as needed, which has only been maybe 3x per month.  If it tells you anything, I still have the bottle that was prescribed to me in 2013.  But anyway, I am starting to run out so I asked my doctor for a refill.  First of all, he won't prescribe Alprazolam because he says Klonopin is less addictive, which I am totally ok with.  However, he will only prescribe 5 Klonopin and then he wants me on a long-term SSRI again!!  He wants to put me on Prozac.  I told him twice I don't want to be on it, but he won't prescribe the "as needed" pill without my agreeing to go on Prozac.  So my question for all of you - has anyone had experience with Prozac?  How were the side effects?  And if you were able to get off of it, how were the withdrawals?  I truly do not want to be in this vicious on-again, off-again cycle!  Also, has anyone found any more natural or herbal ways of dealing with panic attacks?  Thanks!


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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DLB

Stay off the merry go round , especially if you are doing as good as you say. Is it " as needed" for sleep (benzo)? If it is just use otc sleep aid. You may not be so lucky trying to get off the next time.


Paxil start September 2003 due to Fluoroquinolone adverse reaction that I wish doc. knew what it was. 10mg. most of the time with a few short runs of 20mg. FAST tapered 3 times and finally hit poop out or a reaction to nsaid's in Nov.2013. Started a 10% taper Jan. 2014 and have been ok until Sept 14 and went through a short hell. Now plodding through and looking for the light with unrelenting insomnia and pain, fog, loss of interests....<p>12/20/14 - .8mg.

1/01/15 - .75 mg.

1/15/15 - .42 mg. better sleep now, hope it continues...

2/11-15 - .25 mg. doing really good!! 2 weeks feel 85% of old me!

3/17/15 .14 mg. Knee pain bad!

4/07/15 .05 mg. this is so small now that I am estimating and just licking it off palm small as a "." 

4/13/15 NOTHING !!!! Took my last little micro dose on 4/12/15. ????????????????

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Akina

I really want to stay off it.  I don't use it for sleep, but for the occasional panic attacks.  I don't have them nearly as often as I used to but when I get them I can't seem to calm myself down.  I've been getting them more lately and I think that's the dr's concern, but my job was really stressful for a few months and it's now calming down.  So maybe I can just deal with no meds at all.  Here's hoping!


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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Altostrata

Very happy to hear from you, Akina. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're doing better.

 

I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Klonopin is not less addictive than alprazolam; you're hardly become addicted so far. Your doctor is not making sense. I don't like it that he's pressuring you to go on an SSRI.

 

I would not take any advice about psychiatric drugs from this doctor. You might find another doctor who's more understanding.

 

Taking any drug chronically for years is a very big decision. Psychiatric drugs are not harmless vitamin pills, and can be very difficult to quit. You've escaped severe withdrawal this time around, please count yourself lucky and don't take it for granted you can go on and off an antidepressant at will.

 

How did your dizziness and other withdrawal symptoms go away? How long did it take?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Sarasmiles

Hi Akina!  I just want to add that I too am a psychotherapist, and I have done a lot of work with clients who have panic attacks.  It IS possible to cope with them, minimize their impact and even prevent them without medication.  Do you have a therapist?  Learning good relaxation techniques and incorporating them into each and every day, whether or not you feel stressed on that day, may be all you need.   I would hate to see you go on Prozac for panic attacks, if you can work with a good clinician to deal with this instead. 

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Prestorb

Hi Akina, and congratulations! You are so fortunate to have come off of the AD with so few adverse effects, and that may be because you are so young. I feel it becomes harder with age and the amount of time on the ADs. I will echo DLB with "stay off the merry go round", and you may want to watch a documentary (or part of it, it is very long) called "The Untold Story of Psychotropic Drugging" on You Tube. Family doctors are often given kickbacks by the drug companies to push psychotropic drugs, it's big money. If your doc is pushing you to take an SSRI then find another that doesn't believe medicating a young, healthy woman is the solution to helping her minimize panic attacks. Keep in mind too that these may also minimize in time as your nervous system continues to heal from the ADs. As Sara said, there are so many other natural alternatives to reducing stress and it sounds like those would probably help you. Best wishes to you Akina, take care!  :)


2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

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Akina

Thank you all for the encouragement!  I'm not going on the Prozac.  I don't have a therapist.  I used to see one, but I found my panic attacks just got worse when I went to see her.  I don't do well talking about my feelings, which is probably my problem anyway!


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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justwanttobefree

I'm 6 months into a coldturkey withdrawal off of 10mg prozac and it is hell on earth. Glad you're not going to take it! I say find another doctor ????


Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD

 

November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg

C/T off 20mg Cipralex

Went into dark depression (never experienced before med)

September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg

Weaned down to 10mg and held

October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac

Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable

June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg

June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point.

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Akina

Silver star, thanks for replying.  I've been through hell on earth and don't want to do it again!  I'm amazed at how doctors minimize the effects of this stuff.  It's not his body that's gone through hell.  It's MINE!!  Good luck to you for sure!


2009 - 1st panic attack. Was prescribed Xanax 0.5mg in the ER.  PCP then prescribed something more long-term, Sertralline (Zoloft) 50mg.

Over the years half a Xanax whenever I need it with continued use of Sertraline.

2011 - Weaned myself off the Zoloft but found myself increasing the Xanax instead and ended up in ER with another panic attack.  Doc advised I go back on Sertraline and increased the dose to 100mg.

2014 (unsure exact date) - slowly weaned myself off of Sertraline and have been feeling great for months.  Still take half a xanax approx. 3x/month as needed for panic attacks.

04.02.15 - Prescribed a few Klonopin and then Prozac for long-term.

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