pmoon: toxic soup

[pmoon]

I have experienced depression for... well forever, since before first grade. I saw a therapist a few times when I was 11, but my dad thought I was being troubled by demons so that was a short lived and useless experience. I was in therapy again for a few months at 16 for behavioral problems. This was more helpful. I learned some coping skills.

 

My first experience on anti-depressants was almost accidental. In my mid 20's I had what I can only describe as a psychotic reaction to some prescription diet pills. I stopped taking them abruptly because they were causing anxiety. I was sleeping literally 10 hours a week and believe I became delusional from sleep deprivation.

 

This led me to a psychiatrist who prescribed xanax and halcion-- which I overdosed on 2 days later. (The only time I ever took either of these.) *This* got me a week in a mental hospital where I first became acquainted with anti-depressants.

 

I was diagnosed bipolar which I really don't think I ever was. I took luvox and depakote for a couple of months, then stopped with no noticeable effects. 10 or so years passed in which I just lived with my depression.

 

In 2009 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was prescribed neurontin which I stopped taking after two months because of the side effects. I was miserable and exhausted and gained 70 lbs. Im not positive, but i think this is when the brain shocks started. Months later, when the fibro pain was intolerable, I went to a gp and asked for cymbalta. Within a week, I realized I hadn't felt any pain at all in days.

 

Several months later, due to an insurance change, I was changed to celexa. It worked almost as well for the pain. But I mainly continued to take it because I enjoyed the emotional disconnect. Over the past three years since then I've gotten older and more medications were added for insulin resistance, high blood pressure, etc...

 

I started going to a chiropractor in october. An untreated injury in early childhood left my spine all messed up. After a couple of weeks, I just... started feeling better. I decided to stop taking all the medicine which I believe were reacting with each other in unhealthy ways. Stopping the celexa was hard, but it was the protonix I was really scared to give up. That gerd terrifies me!

 

I haven't taken any medicine since then, including nsaids, except for a five day round of steroids and a steroid shot for an injured ankle. I do take a digestive enzyme most days. It helps a lot with the gerd, which is still scary.

 

I think the celexa Wd is gone for the most part. The brain shocks never went away since the neurontin 5 years ago, and I still experience them throughout every day. My fibro pain is very manageable for now. But I am still depressed and I really, really miss the emotional disconnectedness I got from the celexa and cymbalta. The uncontrollabe neuro emotions lasted a couple of weeks following my cold turkey cessation. Now, I guess I am back to my normal state of abject foul moodiness.

[Petunia]

Hi pmoon,

 

Welcome and thank you for posting an introduction and sharing your story with us.  You have been through a lot.  Congratulations on getting off all those drugs, so many people go through similar experiences with being misdiagnosed, and ending up on a cocktail of drugs, one after the other, trying to deal with side effects caused by the previous ones.

 

Like you, my first introduction to psyche meds was when I was in my 20's and the result of not sleeping for several days.  I was given a misdiagnosis along with an anti-psychotic and told I would have to take it for the rest of my life.  None of which was true.

 

I wasn't certain about when it was you last took the Celexa.  If you put a short version of your drug and withdrawal history in your signature it helps people understand your context when replying to your posts, instructions for doing that are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

It sounds like your worst remaining symptom at the moment is brain zaps.  Many people find that magnesium and omega 3 fish oil can be very helpful with healing from the damage done by these drugs.  Here are some links to more information about both:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

Have you tried any lifestyle changes for dealing with depression?  Some people find that exercise, getting enough natural sunlight and some diet changes can make a big difference.  Also, it sounds like therapy helped you once before, maybe getting back into that might be something to consider.

 

I'm sure other members will have some ideas too,  you will find a lot of friendly support here.

 

Petu.

[tezza]

Hi and welcome! You really have been through much, as Petu said. I'm sorry...you can see that you are not alone. Sometimes a vitamin or mineral deficiency can cause depression, just be careful with all supplements.

 

I haven't experienced the brain zaps, thankfully, but I'm sorry you've had them so long, that has to be awful. I hope something Petu suggested will help.

[pmoon]

Thanks for the replies! I worked on my sig. I think I needed to type out the whole story so I could understand the chain of events myself.

 

I am working on some lifestyle changes. In oct,2013 When I stopped taking all my meds, I had to change my diet in particular. I am currently eating basically a whole food, low carb diet which keeps my blood sugar and blood pressure within normal range.

 

I do some rehab exercises almost every day. But not much to get my blood pumping.

 

I'm working on sleep hygiene now. I have been insomniac since childhood,also. Like my depression, it was always there, but became apparent when I started scool. I had no schedule before that so my habits weren't notable.

 

I even got me some red safety goggles to put on at sunset.

 

 

I see the full sun on my way to work and home for about 15 minutes each way. That's not much, but I did stop wearing sunglasses on the drive.

 

I have read up on fish oil supplements! They do seem promising. I try to eat fish as often as I can, but haven't bought any pills yet. The good quality stuff is spendy! A months worth of fermented cod liver oil cost more than the celexa. plus it sounds gross. Baby steps, I guess.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, pmoon.

 

Do you think being raising in a family that believes you are controlled by demons might have contributed to a feeling of being isolated and, therefore, depressed?

 

If I were in that situation, I would be depressed, too.

[pmoon]

Alto, I have thought about this from time to time. I can say with great confidence that my psychological problems are mostly passed down by my family--one way or another.

 

I haven't had another good experience with a therapist since that one when I was a teen. I have seen several since then and they all seem to mostly talk about themselves. It's possible I'm so introverted I just don't make a good patient. I find it very boring and frustrating.

 

Another part of that problem is we live in such a rural area. The only only mental health services available are low-paid government ones. Talented therapists quickly get their experience and go to join practices in bigger cities. And of course I mean no offense and can only speak of my experience, but it seems the ones who stay are "good enough for government work."

[Petunia]

More and more therapists these days are offering skype sessions, so you can see someone located anywhere in the world.  By doing a search for therapy + skype, you may be able to find someone you like.

[Altostrata]

You might be able to find a group for like-minded people on meetup.com. Just being able to talk to others could help you not feel so isolated.

[pmoon]

thank you both. i will look for that.