☼ trouper prolonged Zoloft / sertraline withdrawal

[Designgirl732]

I'm sorry you're having a really tough time right now-it's so hard to see clearly with all the anxiety. I took some Sedalia yesterday and it really helped.

[trouper]

alto, 

I'm going to try my best. he gave me a prescription for 5mg and told me to start with 2.5mg for 7 days. i told him i felt better starting a few days at 1.25mg. i started yesterday. i know its a pretty small dosage. i don't really notice anything different except my tinnitus is changing. not sure if thats buspar related or just withdrawals doing its thing. it was going up and down a lot last night and a few minutes ago it did some electric sounding morse code thing for a few seconds. that was new.

 

lexy, what dosage were you on?

 

stace, what is that? i haven't heard of it. you are right, very hard to see clearly when in the middle of high anxiety. its hard to remember to be mindful and breathe.....

[NervousKitten]

Wow, our experiences are very similar! Thank you for sharing your story and continued updates

[trouper]

nervouskitten,

you are welcome.  

[Altostrata]

I think you're getting the hang of it, trouper. Bravo! Keep track of the pattern for about 5 days, then talk with your doctor about changing the dose based on your reaction.

[Lexy]

On 10mg which made me sleep all day. I should have stayed on that and not the effexor.

[trouper]

thanks of the encouragement, alto.

i went up to 2.5mg 2 days ago after i realized  was feeling fine and my tinnitus wasn't connected to buspar.. first day on 2.5mg i felt anxious and agitated a bit and then had an icky headache in the afternoon. wasnt sure if it was withdrawal as i had anxious thoughts going into the day. advil seemed to help cut the headache and i felt kinda decent by afternoon. yesterday i took it again and felt crappy after an hour with higher agitation and a bad headache that advil couldn't touch. crappiness and headache lasted all day so i guess i'm not ready for buspar. sad (or mixed blessing.) i did feel a bit calmer though but not miraculous. also was yawning a lot during the last 2 days although i didn't feel i needed to take a nap or go to sleep any earlier. sleep seems about the same. waking up after 4 hours as usual and could go back to sleep for the most part. i need to talk to my doc to see if i should even bother with staying at 1.25mg or just stopping it. i didn't really feel different at 1.25mg but i did read it takes a few weeks for full effect.

[trouper]

i didn't take buspar today. i'm still feeling crummy and have another headache today.

 

i was looking back at my records about brain zaps. until my major setback when my withdrawals became the worst ever in january, i was going weeks without having them and at that point they were very faint and almost gone. since january they were then off and on and stronger but since march i've had them every day. i'm not sure why they are so persistent now. they don't happen all day long, just a set of zaps a few times a day, and then usually when waking up in the middle of the night but the pattern doesn't seem to be lightening up. I'm not sure if brain zaps correlate to healing or what.

[NervousKitten]

I wonder if there is some sort of correlation between zaps and tinnitus. Recently my tinnitus has gotten worse in that it has made my hearing very sensitive and its almost the same sort of zappy feeling I had when I first got off the Zoloft. There was an article about how some tinnitus is brain rather than hearing related, so I wonder if there is a link.

[trouper]

very well could be. my tinnitus is affected by a lot of things - the withdrawals, my medication, cortisol and stress... sometimes it does have an electric sound to it and i actually hear my brain zaps. I'm sensitive to sound too. i can't wait for it to ease up, but i know it will be awhile. during the day its usually a low level frequency that is hard to notice but enough to keep my vigilance up. 

 

i talked to my doctor today and he said no more buspar, so that is that. 

[trouper]

i need to have 2 biopsies done today in my jaw/tooth area.  wish me luck with the procedure and wish me luck with the results.

 

anxiety isn't good today, plus I'm in a wave.

[mammaP]

Hope the biopsies are ok  and weren't too painful Trouper. Let us know how it went. 

[trouper]

thank you, mammap!

 

luckily the oral surgeon talked to my endodontist, looked at all my x-rays, poked and prodded around my mouth and determined it would do more harm than good to do the biopsy as the area is really close to a live root and nerve. she believes the area in question is just the bone reacting to an aggravated, but live root and isn't anything she is worried about since I'm not symptomatic. such a relief! 

 

i had to talk to her about ssri discontinuation syndrome, antibiotics, anesthesia, etc and she was very attentive and knew a lot about how SSRIs interact with those drugs and the body. that was a relief as she is probably the only doctor i've had next to my specialist who knows how SSRIs can mess a person up.

 

i had a "good" night sleep last night. i still can't sleep more than 4.5 hours straight but i was tired and fell back right to sleep each time. for the past week i've been up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night. 

[mammaP]

That's good news, you must be relieved! It's great that you had a good sleep, 

it makes such a huge difference when you can get some sleep! 

[Lexy]

HAve you tried magnesium for sleep?

[trouper]

thanks, mammap!

yes, I'm relieved.. now on to the next health issue.. i'm trying to tackle them one at a time so i don't get too overwhelmed. 

 

lexy,

yes, i take fish oil and magnesium before i go to bed.. my body just likes to wake up every night between 2-2:30am for no apparent reason. :/

[trouper]

i met with my withdrawal doc yesterday. 

 

buspar is the mildest of the serotonergic meds and my body still reacted poorly to a fraction of a starting dose. it sucks to see how damaged my body still is. my doc once said that it is important for me to understand that my sensitivity is not an indication of my healing path. its hard not to see it that way though. i do feel healing in many ways regardless.

 

I'm in a window and seeing withdrawal through rose colored glasses again. i naively mentioned to my doctor that i hear a lot of people heal in 18-24 months. he brought me back to reality stating that is usually for benzo withdrawal but ssri withdrawal takes longer. he does have me slated to go back to work in sept. though. i'm hoping i can go sooner.

 

my high neuro-anxiety/fear/intrusive, obsessive thoughts cut substantially in the last few days. thank you again, withdrawal, for showing it is you and not me. i can't express how much relief i feel. i slept 5.5 hours straight last night. it's been months since that happened.

 

the past couple of months were horrible mostly because of the high neuro-anxiety and if that stays on the sidelines, i believe i will tolerate withdrawal much easier. that is what keeps knocking me off of my horse.

 

how i'm feeling better (and hoping i don't jinx myself):

- i've been having more and more moments of feeling normal mentally

- more mornings of waking up tired and easily going back to sleep

- i rarely have high cortisol/surges in the mornings, usually only after an anxious episode

- my waves have been less obvious in the past months 

- i don't have as many headaches

- i haven't seen anhedonia, dysphoria & neuro-depression for awhile

- waves of ickiness don't come around as often nor last as long

 

what i'm still having issues with:

- sinus/teeth pain, (lessening)

- brain zaps, (lessening)

- buzzing in my head, (lessening)

- tinnitus (lessening)

- broken sleep and early wakenings (lessening)

- anxiety

- nerve issues

- waves of muscle tightness and rigidity

- waves of heart palpitations, high bpm

- high sensitivity to serotonergic meds

- when i get hungry, i really need to eat something right away

[alex]

That sounds very good trouper.

Keep on doing the good work.

I'm still shoock up from the last powerful wave.

 

Sending healing vibes from tropical paradise, all the way to sunny California.

[trouper]

thank you alex. i'm trying my hardest...

i hope things settle down soon for you..

 

i forgot a few symptoms..

- i still can't really hear about negative things. no news, no movies, etc. its amazing how negative this world is and how much people want to share negative things!

- i'm still weepy - commercials, greeting cards etc.. I've never been much of a cryer before. i do admit what i'm going through is very rough and emotional though so I'm not sure if its what I'm going through or if its withdrawal, or both.

- when i said i still have anxiety, i meant the whole shebang including obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, ocd like symptoms, and sticky anxiety. they have just calmed down over the last few days but i still get them. these are the things that cause relapses. i try my hardest to use mindfulness and self talk. i don't give myself enough credit for the times i talk myself out of anxiety, but sometimes its just so strong, there's not much i can do except let it topple me over and deal with the aftermath of a wave.

- i constantly have some sensation going on in the head. a very slight headache, or buzzing, sometimes more ickiness, sometimes less but i'm not sure its ever quiet.. maybe in the evenings.

 

oh, and my rose colored glasses have since fallen off.

[trouper]

i should note, my doctor's comment to me about ssris taking longer was directed to me only. as we have witnessed here, people can heal in a shorter amount of time. my case has been severe and my major relapse was only 6 months ago. my hope is that at month 18-24 i can be at a place where i can function and hold my job and where withdrawals will only be a nuisance.

 

could that be possible?

[Lexy]

I think you are on your way….

[trouper]

i jinxed myself the same day i wrote my positive update. i had an anxious thought that led to higher anxiety and knocked me down again. it messed up my sleep again too with surges of adrenaline waking me up which i hadn't had in awhile. the anxiety causing this wasn't even that bad. I've had worse lately but for some reason this one decided to reintroduce symptoms i thought improved. i guess that's what i get for getting cocky. 

 

I've been working to improve my generalized anxiety disorder. i know I'm much better about mindfulness and pulling back and I've had a lot of  successes but my amygdala is really fighting for attention some days. i don't even get anxiety to an attack level but its still enough to knock me down. knowing the consequences makes it worse. a lot of the force is withdrawals, although i usually don't catch it until later.

 

long ago i found a thread in SA from people who have healed listing their symptoms that healed last or lasted the longest. I've been searching around for awhile and can't find it. anyone know what I'm referring to?

[Lexy]

Let me know if you find it.  I will look too.

[trouper]

thanks, lexy i still haven't found it. :/ 

 

in my latest game of whack-a-symptom (a fun game where once i tackle one health issue, another pops up) i discovered a rash on my back, which i just posted about here:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6306-ssri-rash/?p=95869

 

and i met with a psychologist today with whom I'm going to try neurofeedback with in hopes to try to get my GAD in check. she seems pretty knowledgeable and was able to peg my personality type. she is also working with a patient with benzo withdrawals so she's familiar with what i'm going through. she is going on vacation so i won't be able to start for a month though.

[Lexy]

I just met a psychologist today also. I'll pm you.

[Wildflower0214]

thanks, lexy i still haven't found it. :/ 

 

in my latest game of whack-a-symptom (a fun game where once i tackle one health issue, another pops up) i discovered a rash on my back, which i just posted about here:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6306-ssri-rash/?p=95869

 

and i met with a psychologist today with whom I'm going to try neurofeedback with in hopes to try to get my GAD in check. she seems pretty knowledgeable and was able to peg my personality type. she is also working with a patient with benzo withdrawals so she's familiar with what i'm going through. she is going on vacation so i won't be able to start for a month though.

Have you tried the neurofeedback?

[trouper]

hello,

wow. it has been 5 months since my last update. i wanted to take a step away as i felt i would see bigger improvements in my posts if i updated months apart instead of weeks. i am almost 21 months off zoloft now. things are improving slowly but there always seems to be something to worry about whether it's WD related issues, health issues, or just life stuff i need to deal with. i am hoping all this stress is productive in some way by working on resiliency and not hindering it. through it all i am still seeing improvement, though.

 

after almost 7 months on medical leave, i went back to work part time in september. it has been very rough as my job has been constantly changing since i got back but it seems to be settling down finally. in the first month or 2 i worried that i went back too soon, but overall it really helped me mentally to be back at work. i hoped to be able to increase my hours more quickly but my bad days prevent me from wanting to add more on right now. part time has its benefits right now since i still have appointments i go to almost every day.

 

i am still on the same dose of lamotrigine and in august my doctor put me on inositol to help with the ocd/fear issues. this area is a lot better but i still get small waves of the fear/ocd every now and then that last about a week. i also have been going to neurofeedback twice a week since september as well but that will probably end this month. I'm sure both of these things are helping in gentle ways, but i believe most of the relief i feel is my body healing. i think at 21 months i can safely say that.

 

i've been getting more frequent and longer windows lately, just like what you all predicted. my longest being 7 low symptom days in a row and the waves seem to be getting shorter with the longest waves lasting 2-3 weeks. there is even a day or 2 in there where i feel close to normal. this summer windows were 2-3 days long and waves were 4-5 weeks. i still have WD anxiety and depression but it's usually less obvious and more subtle. i still get moments of doom and gloom but i just try to be mindful and realize it's WD creeping up on me and not how things are now.

 

I've been getting improvements in sleep but this area is still constantly changing. i read back and saw i couldn't sleep more than 4.5 hours before but now i can sleep about 5 hours some days in a row and sometimes even 5.5. lately I'm up an hour or 2 between sleeps though. i need to wait for the ramped up feeling to calm down to get to my second sleep. my second sleep has been getting better too where it's not as fitful and light most days. i'm still suffering from the brain zaps that are usually most active around 4am. these early hours are when I'm most anxious, too. i still get agitated/anxious in the mornings and calm down around noon. some days are worse than others and being at work seems to amplify this.

 

i'm still suffering from a lot of muscle, joint and nerve issues which keep morphing from one place to the next. i was having pretty bad tight chest muscles and spasms that were really uncomfortable which had me worried about my heart for a little while. it calmed down and now I'm dealing with the "lump in the throat" feeling (globus sensation) which came out of nowhere and comes and goes like other WD symptoms. this one is new so i will get it checked to make sure it's nothing to worry about. i still get waves of tightened head and neck muscles which contribute to my tmj disorder. this has been lasting a pretty long time now and I'm hoping it doesn't cause long term tmj damage.

 

i still spiral and catastrophize about things and may even get a little bit of hypochondria worrying about anything that can hurt my system so i need to practice mindfulness and cbt frequently. i do notice that i don't spiral as deeply and have somehow been better about pulling myself out of it. in the middle of the night i was catastrophizing about the lump in my throat and realized i didn't get an anxiety attack over it. that is improvement!

 

i tend to get a lot of headache like sensations that are very uncomfortable and scary. i tend to feel a bit altered and they tend to numb my senses or such where i question driving while having them. they sometimes last about an hour and afterwards i usually feel fine. i try to tell myself my brain is trying to work something out, which helps me deal with them. thinking that they are healing and helpful rather than damaging helps me power through them, as uncomfortable and scary as they are.

 

and like others, when i am in a window i get the distorted perception that things aren't that bad and I'm almost out of the woods. once i am in a window again i get the distorted perception that I'm not even close and will still have a long way to go before WD is just a nuisance and not debilitating. sadly my windows aren't long enough where i feel i can make strong progress in my life and make long term plans but they are a nice relief and i hope to get longer, better windows as time goes on. 

 

well i guess that is it for now. thank you for taking the time to read. i hope 2015 brings great healing to you all!

[trouper]

oh, and to answer JDM1984's question about neurofeedback. i decided to do neurofeedback to help with my anxiety. since september, when i started, i have seen improvement in my healing with anxiety but i'm not sure if it's the neurofeedback, inositol, my own healing or all 3. i had a brain mapping done in august which showed my problem areas and those are the areas my psychologist works on. i had 4 areas which needed improvement and she is doing about 10 sessions for each area. she works these areas gently and i have never felt any ill effects. i also have never felt any obvious improvement either though. perhaps afterwards i felt a little calmer for a day or so but WD is a big beast to fight against. it would be cool to get another brain map when i'm done to see if there is a change but my insurance didn't cover too much of it and it wasn't cheap. i asked my doc if it's possible for people to have bad reactions and she said it could happen if the doctor works the wrong areas or is too aggressive. i hope that helps!

[Petunia]

Hi Trouper, I was wondering how you are doing now. Have you noticed any changes in the last 4 months?

 

Are you still taking lamotrigine and inositol? How long did it take before the inositol started to help, were there any bad start up effects and what dose do you take? I tried taking it last night and I think I had a bad effect, but I'm not sure.

[trouper]

hi petunia!

thank's for checking in. i've been meaning to update. i hit my 2 year mark in early april. up until then i wasn't feeling that much better but this past month i've had a few small victories. i've had a longer stretch of decent/lower symptoms days which made me feel i could actually live a little and think of the future instead of being in survival mode every day. i'm back in a wave now so my thoughts on the matter have changed. ha. I've had a rare 6+ hours straight of sleep and the 5+ hrs nights are becoming more common but improvement is still barely noticeable. I've had a rare few mornings where i didn't feel doom and gloom but it's only about once or twice a month where it used to be once every 3 months. i've still been dealing with health issues. the unknown and waiting just makes me catastrophize and sink into dark places.

 

after a decent month with a handful of off days, i'm now back in a wave. i haven't figure out if my thoughts trigger the wave or if being in a wave is making me have more catastrophic thoughts. all i know is that sometimes i can think the same things but have normal reactions when i'm in a window.

 

i started to decrease the lamotrigine some. i'm on .875mg but have held here for about 2 months. i want to start to taper off but my doc doesn't want me to yet. the same with inositol. as for the inositol, my doctor had me start off pretty low. i started with 1/4 tsp (600mg) for 5 days and increased 1/4tsp every 5 days until i hit 4.75 tsp. i take it before bed. i really don't know if either is helping much to tell you the truth. neither are obvious but i do know i feel better than i did several months ago. i'd like to think it's my body healing but hard to tell until i stop taking things. i also have an IUD i need to have removed soon so it will be interesting to see if anything changes after that is out. i'm worried i may stir the pot.

 

i'm sorry to hear you may have had a bad reaction. how much of the inositol did you take? i know a side effect is gas and gi discomfort. i hope you feel better soon.

[Petunia]

Thanks for updating trouper, its great to know you are still doing ok, and had a better month last month, that seems to be how it goes, slow progress with strides forward followed by a few steps back.

 

 

 i haven't figure out if my thoughts trigger the wave or if being in a wave is making me have more catastrophic thoughts. all i know is that sometimes i can think the same things but have normal reactions when i'm in a window.

 

This happens to me also, I can be like a completely different person from one day to the next, sometimes from morning to night. I think its the waves which cause the catastrophic thinking and neuro-emotions. I can wake up into a wave of increased symptoms before I've had a chance to think anything. Some of us have found Taurine to be helpful with anxious and racing thoughts.

 

Its interesting that you have an IUD, do you know if its the kind which releases copper? I used to have one, but I'm not sure if it was the copper kind. I've recently learned that increased levels of copper can cause various symptoms, including increased anxiety, some of which I was having. A few years ago I tested high for copper

 

I only took 250mg of inositol (half a capsule). It made me very tired about an hour after I took it, then I slept deeply for about 3 hours, but woke suddenly very agitated and had increased symptoms for the rest of the night and the next day, I think I got some kind of rebound effect from it. But I know its very helpful for some people, especially at highish doses and much better than taking a drug.

 

Wishing you continued improvement, do let us know how you are doing from time to time.

 

Petunia.

[trouper]

hi petunia!

it sounds like we have identical symptoms. i can wake up and just feel doom and gloom before i even think a thought.  i argued this with a psychologist who insisted it is the thoughts that cause the morning depression. she just didn't understand. 

 

i will have to look into taurine. i'm a bit of a purist by nature and already feel i am taking too many supplements a day (lamo, inositol, omega 3, vitamin D3, turmeric, and a multi vitamin) but if it helps, i may try it.. i mostly just try to power through the crap as best i can and when I'm really agitated, i will take tulsi/holy basil and l-theanine.

 

my IUD is mirena brand. it is a plastic one but it emits progestin. my doc thinks there is a chance it may be causing agitation and perhaps my daily brain zaps. after this last bad wave I'm a little gun shy to remove it any time soon, but it expires in a month.

 

have your tried inositol again?

 

this last wave was a bit scary and it even disrupted my work. i got a reemergence of several physical symptoms that i haven't had in a pretty long time, and in some ways they were worse. one was a lot of the feet nerve pain and leg weirdness i used to get a year ago but only in the middle of the night. this time it was a bit more severe and was going off and on during the day for several days. i'm not sure if i did something to trigger this or if it was the natural progression of WD. it seemed to have calmed down some but man, what a rough week.

[Altostrata]

Hello, trouper, how are you doing?

[trouper]

hello!

I'm 27 months off now. i had 2 pretty bad physical waves in may that came out of the blue with a lot of reemerging symptoms of things i thought i was past. they came back stronger than i remember but both waves have passed and left me feeling better for now. my mental symptoms have been getting better since the 2 year mark, thank goodness. i'm feeling i can start picking up where i left off a bit with more days of feeling close to normal. i still have low motivation and waves of mild depression which make things harder but at least i can think more clearly lately. the anxiety has been much better, but not gone of course. i still get phantom aches and pains and muscle tension amongst other bizarre symptoms but they seem to be working themselves out, and the more chronic ones i just live with. chest palpitations still like to visit still if i do light exercise or am in the sun too long. sometimes they visit in the middle of the night too, and sometimes just for no reason at all but i think they are lightening up. the heart stuff may scare me more than anything as i worry it may be something permanent. i had a EKG and it was fine, though.

I'm still on part time disability at work but it is getting easier to be there. i got the okay from my doc to add another 5 hours to my week making it 30 hours which i will start when the paperwork goes through. the pain and agitation from stress and nervousness has greatly improved, along with the fatigue, but still rears its head on occasion. it hasn't been that bad in awhile though. i have trouble concentrating sometimes, I'm a little slow at processing information and i make careless mistakes but a little over a year ago i didn't know if i could ever work again so i will take it. because of my low moods my doc still doesn't want me to decrease lamo or inositol yet. i'm hoping soon. I've had a gut feeling my brain zaps may be from the lamo. I've had them every day since i've been on it which is almost a year and a half now. before that i was having breaks from the zaps. i don't think i really notice any symptoms lightening up since i took the mirena IUD out but i'm still glad it is out of my body. i'm not happy having to deal with periods again though. i haven't had a real period yet though so i'm not sure how i was handle pms in wd.

sleep is slowly improving, but it still has a ways to go. has anyone's sleep actually returned to normal after protracted wd? I've had just about every symptom under the sun dealing with sleep in wd so sleeping now 5.5-7.5 hours total (with wake ups, of course) isn't too bad. the hypnogogic stuff has gotten a lot better, thank goodness. now if we can just get more relief from the negative and zappy 2nd sleep. 

i was on zoloft for 17 years before this so i do question if my "meh" mood is just me not on a low dose SSRI anymore or if it is withdrawal. i do remember being a slightly motivated, happy and optimistic person who was brought down by anxiety and negative thinking so i'm hoping i can return to that, but with a better handle on my thoughts and self soothing. it just gets so confusing when i feel close to normal, but not quite there.

well, i think this is pretty much where i am now at 27 months off. friends and family see a great improvement and i do, too. as always though, there is more room for improvement and more healing to be made. 

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better, trouper. You've come a long, long way!

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Lexy]

Congrats Trouper

I told you you woukd get the here comes the sun.

Yay!!!

I'm so glad gor you!????