MollyN

[SkyBlue]

Aw

 

thanks Skyblue honey xxx you're so encouraging!!

 

I cannot tell you how much I don't want to go to work this week!!!! !! 

Awww, you're very welcome, Molly. <3 

 

Is this week the last week? Then…. celebration?

[MollyN]

Oh thanks Sky!!

 

Oh my goodness, this week has been incredibly difficult. Sitting there working in front of everyone, knowing that I was found wanting. It's taken everything I have to drag myself in each day and smile and work hard. 

 

Sadly I'm really getting the hang of it now, which just seems so unfair. This afternoon (last day) while I was working my butt off, boss was chatting to new applicants for the job. Oh that didn't feel good at all. 

 

However it's not all gloomy, one of the other barristers has asked me to come and work for him and he is just lovely! So I'm taking a week off to 'regroup' and then start back in the office for him. Also my boss (as of now 'ex boss') did admit to me that he'd probably been too hasty and that I just needed a bit more time. He also asked me to keep on working for him for a few hours a week until the new person started. 

 

It's all just been really hard, it's made me feel inadequate and sad. But I'm hoping with a couple of days, I'll bounce back. Right now, I just feel flat as a pancake xxx 

[SkyBlue]

Molly, you deserve to work for someone wonderful. I'm so glad. 

 

Take good care now that this awful week is over. Hugs to you. <3 <3 

[MollyN]

Hi friends,

 

Well, it's been an eventful week - and not one I'd like to repeat for awhile!

 

On Monday this week I was due to start for the new employer at the same chambers as the oppressive ex-employer. On Monday I dragged myself to the office, every cell in my body was telling me to run. Once I arrived in the building, right there in the hallway I had what I guess was a panic attack, and realised that I was not resilient enough to go back and work beside that person who had made life so incredibly awful for me in the last 3 months. So I ran in, offered fulsome apologies to lovely new employer (we then had a quick coffee and he was exceedingly gracious). I then raced back home, like I was being chased by the devil himself!!

 

I have plenty of thoughts about this whole thing. I am disappointed that I wasn't the sort of person that could just 'shake it off' and continue as though nothing had happened. I also realised that I'd basically 'used up' all my coping ability while finishing out the last horrible week there. 

 

Additionally on the Monday morning, I had got out of bed as usual, lost my balance and launched wildly and hit the wall hard. I then vomitted (sorry tmi). I suppose I figured that I was just really stressed about starting work and that it was psychosomatic.  However it continued onto the afternoon, with around 20 'whooshes' where I would lose my balance and lurch wildly.

 

For the next 3 days, I continued to be nauseous, and have these horrible vertigo events. I went to the doctor who organised blood tests. I felt increasingly fearful and would have a little tear after each incident, since I was starting to get scared.

 

I was also pretty annoyed, since just this last weekend, I'd felt that I was really in good physical condition for me and was running around at tennis and generally feeling strong and well.

 

Yesterday was a little better, I'm crossing EVERYTHING that things are improving!!! I've also got an awful lot of shoulder/neck pain. 

 

I don't know what's up, of course, withdrawal and paxil are never far from my mind. Could this be the drop coming home to roost?! I don't know, although if it is, then I'm in for a whole world of trouble. I'm hoping for a virus and ear infection if it's all the same to the Universe!!

 

Additionally I am having an entire existential crisis as I am now unemployed. Aimless, feeling like a directionless wastrel!! Don't know what to do for next steps at all. xxxmollyn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KarenB]

Jeepers Molls!

 

It will be interesting to see if the tests show anything.  I wonder if it's a stress-response?  But that's just a guess really.  Sounds like you could do with making yourself a 'Care for Molly' project, now that you have extra time on your hands.  Give it all the energy you'd give to a new job.  

 

I am on crutches after playing in a mother-daughter soccer game without shin-pads.  Hair-line fracture to my shin!  12 year old girls can be rough...

[nz11]

Hi Molly

You no doubt would have received Alto s email about the wdl survey.

From one kiwi to another would you give this serious consideration it doesnt take long to complete and your voice would be valuable.

nz11

[MollyN]

Thanks nz11  Yes I've just completed it now, couldn't miss the opportunity to take part in something this important. I felt really healing even to be asked these questions and given an opportunity to respond. Thanks so much for thinking of me xxx

[nz11]

Good going Molly.

[MollyN]

 

MOD WARNING - Triggering content

 

UPDATE

I might have to bullet point this update, since it's been fairly traumatic and speaking and writing about it  is very difficult. Somehow if I contain thoughts and feelings within those little black dots, maybe that somehow limits their impact as well.

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, I was slowly getting there dealing with the job situation and settling back into home life. I felt intermittently anxious about the stupid planes but that wasn't a big deal at all and easily dealt with, although annoying worrying about dying every morning at 5am.

 

Then this happened and I am not doing well. At all.

 

Briefly:

• My 14yr old son tried to hang himself.
• His older sister and I saw his lifeless body and his father screamed at us to get away from him.
• The father left the two of us believing he was dead for around 10 mins.
• The white void of the crushing grief and shock were all encompassing. Can't stop screaming.
• Physical fighting between father and daughter.
• Police and ambulance arrive. Daughter, son and I supported by a beautiful stranger.
• Following days full of appointments with psychiatrists/physiologists. 
• Struggle through days trying to help daughter and son and keep events from 3 younger children.
•  

Post event:

• Son does ok initially, very happy to be alive, promises never to do it again. Instantly regretted it.
• Daughter and I traumatised, not sleeping, looping back over the vision of his body lying there.
• As trauma fades, replaced in me by severe anxiety. Such as I have never experienced in my life.
• Feels like my insides and every cell in my body are a 'scream'. Cry constantly.
• Frightened of everything. Thunder, loud rain. 
• Heard that North Korea fired another missile and had panic attack.

 

Visit psychologist. He says that I have been parenting with a cruel manipulative and sociopathic man (he knows him). Says that I have been parenting for 8 years having all the responsibility and none of the power, which is leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless. Yes, that's how I feel.

 

Felt understood and buoyed by visit. But the anxiety is enormous and not diminishing. 

Husband took a week off work to care for me. 

 

Today

Today is first day alone. Son says he isn't sleeping, having nightmares of the night. 2nd day back at school for him today.

 

Can those of you who have had anxiety help me understand it? I don't know where to start with it. It feels like my chest will explode. My thoughts are racing. 

 

xxx lots of love mollyn

 

MOD WARNING - Triggering content

 

Edited September 17, 2017 by ChessieCat
added mod note

[MollyN]

Sorry to use this forum as a diary, I hope that's ok? 

I can't quite cope with being completely alone, so if I write it here, rather than on paper, I'll feel a bit less lonely and overwhelmed. It's exhausting to talk to people and I feel dimished rather than better from talking about it face to face.

 

Despite wanting to sit and do nothing, I'm going to try and do the following small things. Trying to feel empowered by focusing on the things I can do, seems to help a bit.

 

1. All children off to school - done 
2. Clean kitchen and prepare dinner
3. Shower and tidy lounge and dining room

 

I'll give myself a little smiley face as well, even though I feel exceptionally unsmiley xxx

[Altostrata]

Well, Molly, anyone would have difficulty with those events. It might take some time for you and your children to get past them.

 

Would it be possible for you to take a walk with your son every day? That might help your anxiety, and it would reassure him.

 

Do you agree with the psychologist about your husband?

 

 

[JanCarol]

On 04/05/2017 at 2:31 PM, MollyN said:

LOL today on the way to work, there was an announcement (on the radio) of an interview coming up entitled "what would happen to earth if the moon exploded" DUDE!!! Do they not think about the folks with anxiety when they produce these things?! lol.. <note to self, don't listen to the interview, don't worry about the moon exploding or the black hole apparently in the middle of the galaxy> 

 

Hey Molly - I'm way far behind (I'm terribly sorry to hear about your recent crisis) - but I had to share with you my experience on watching the BBC's "The Day the Dinosaurs Died." 

 

OMG, these palaeontologists and geologists were drooling with the excitement about how the planet heated up in an instant and killed 75% of life on earth, and now, all I can do is look at the fires, floods and hurricanes . . . 

 

I think they want us to be anxious and afraid - even the science shows are out to get us!

 

On 12/05/2017 at 2:46 PM, MollyN said:

In other news here, it's been interesting since my husband has given up alcohol - it's about day 6 - and he is suffering. He started drinking when he was 14 (now 50) and would drink 3-4 drinks min every night - more on the weekends. It's really interesting to watch him detox out of it, his personality has changed (not for the better), he's exhausted, cranky, feeling down. It's quite fascinating to witness someone (other than myself) at close hand withdraw from something, and I'm trying to be as understanding as possible since he had a to put up with heaps while I would do my precipitous paxil drops - but I must say he's not very pleasant. I wonder how long it will last? Anyone had any experience with this?

 

 

How is that going?  Is he going to do any AA support or anything?  Or just quitting?  I've been studying alternatives in recovery (not for myself) because some people just can't swallow the AA pill.  There's the Naltrexone Cure and The Perfect Program and I've recently heard of a lot of people addressing their cravings with Baclofen.  I'm not recommending drugs (even though I just mentioned 2) I just heard of these 3 alternatives to AA in my research last week.  I went to an AA meeting while in the USA recently, and was moved by the stories, but would struggle with the format, if I were the person in trouble.

 

I could go on about how I think it is unhelpful for someone with low self esteem to load themselves up with guilt over the harm they have caused others (when most of the harm has been done to themselves), and that's just the beginning of my objections to the format.

 

Breathe, you are a strong, amazing woman.  This too, will pass.

[MollyN]

Thank you Alto, thank you JanCarol, was a treat to come back to the site and see these messages xxx

 

I thought walks with Mr 14 would be an excellent idea as well, nice, will do this. My husband also bought a boxing bag, since both Ms 16 and Mr 14 are interested in boxing and he is an ex boxer. 

 

Mercifully, the 'cruel, manipulative sociopath' the psychologist referred to is most of the children's father, my ex.  My husband is an absolute gift. A joy of a man. Unfortunately, ex and I are tied together  due to the children, so his reach and impact in my life are still significant. 

 

JanCarol, interesting re AA, I'm will look at those alternatives for sure. He's not going anywhere presently, his ex-wife had a very long association with NA and he spent many years socialising with many, many people within the programme. He wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Despite the evening drinks, really for me, the problem with his drinking is the long-term detrimental health effects. I really need him to outlive me in rude good health!!  

 

It's Thursday and I'm doing ok. It's been very busy with school stuff. I watch cleaning videos on youtube for company, which motivates me to clean, so the house at least is lovely and clean and particularly tidy currently 

 

Trying not to check the news too much! Definitely no social media (haven't for ages). Mainly podcasts about easy, low key topics - cleaning, organising, history (but nothing too emotionally taxing).

 

I hope you're all ok xxx

 

 

 

[Survivor1]

Hello MollyN,

 

I am very sorry to read of your recent trials.  My heart goes out to you.  I really don't know what to suggest to ease your pain but want you to know that you are in my thoughts.

 

Hope you recover from this as well as can be.

 

 

[JanCarol]

Hey Molly - 

 

It's an honor that we are the first people you thought of when your world turned upside down.

 

I know this is looking back, but did you ever figure out what caused those "drop spells" (I hesitate to say fainting, I'm unsure what they were) in 2016?

 

I agree with you and Alto that walks with Mr. 14 is a brilliant start.

 

Since this is my area of expertise:

On 21/09/2017 at 6:51 AM, MollyN said:

My husband also bought a boxing bag, since both Ms 16 and Mr 14 are interested in boxing and he is an ex boxer. 

 

I know there are boxer girls, and it's good to learn the footwork and power of boxing - but is it a heavy bag?

 

I ask because you can kick a heavy bag, and I guess I lean towards martial arts boxing, especially for women.  What about the possibility of starting up some martial arts?  The reason I mention this is for Ms. 16 - we women have a different body structure, and learning kicks is so much more empowering than all that punchy-stuff.

 

I've been doing martial arts on and off for 35 years, and I still fumble at the speed bag, but the heavy bag provides a good workout for feet and hands.

 

I agree that hubby is looking in the right direction - martial arts  (of any kind, even Western pugilism) is an excellent way to release pent-up emotion in a safe environment, as well as teaching discipline and self control.  If they do it together, all the better.

 

I'd be happy to fly you over to clean my house....

 

Remember to take care of yourself, too - see the sun today!

 

Jan

[KarenB]

Hugs to you Molly, and lots of love too.  I haven't been on here for a while, or you'd have heard from me sooner.  Hows the daily walks going (I love that idea)?  It's connections that bring healing - for all involved.  And with a teenage boy, I imagine walking is an easier way to be together than, say, sitting down to tea:-)

 

Is there a supportive person you can be connecting with as you get through these days? 

[mammaP]

Hi Molly, I've been on holiday and just catching up a bit. I am so, so sorry that you all had to go through that traumatic experience. I hope you are ok and enjoying time with your son. I hope he is getting better and dealing with the cause of the breakdown.  Hugs MammaP

[MollyN]

Thank you so much Survivor1, JanC, Karen and MammaP - so lovely of you all to post, I really appreciate the time you took to post and your care and kind wishes xxx

 

I suppose like anything, time makes things easier to come to terms with and although I've yet to convince Mr 14 on a walk, life is kind of back to normal. Although, it's a new normal, where I've had a glimpse into fear and terror that I hadn't known about before. It leaves a bit of a mark on your psyche I guess.

 

It's school holidays here at the moment, so we're busy with outings and programmes plus plenty of laying about (not me apparently!). Mr 14 says he feels ok. Although generally relatively noncommunicative unless we're talking about something he'd like me to buy him. Sheesh.

 

Thanks JanC for the boxing/kicking info, you know I only ever understand about a 1/4 of the recommendations you make, but that 1/4 is gold! It is a really heavy bag, so we'll look into the kicking business. What sort of martial arts use bags do you think? So far we've hung the bag, painted to supporting beams so it looks more attractive, and cleaned out and swept the garage to make it a more welcoming space to exercise in. I have to fight the urge to do everything yesterday and accept that it takes a while to set up I suppose!

 

Re mental health, I'm reading a book called "Why can't I meditate" by Nigel Wellings. I'm finding it very interesting, gentle, thorough and thoughtful. It focuses on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) meditation based on the Buddhist traditions. At this stage, the reason I can't meditate is simply that I've never really given it a go, but everywhere I turn people recommend MM, so I'd like to and this is a great place to start. For me, knowing where I might come unstuck before I start is helpful, rather than starting, giving up a month later, then two years later reading that my issues were commonplace, shared and easily overcome. Basically, I don't want to fail at it (which isn't very Buddhist of me at all!).

 

I've looked briefly into the recommended 8-week courses on MBSR and MBCT, they all seem to be around $700, which makes me feel less than spaciously accepting with loving compassion! 

 

Stupid anxiety is still an issue. I'm not really complaining because so many of you have truly dreadful and debilitating insomnia. But I had a night where I was awake right the way through, with racing thoughts and fears a plenty, so this is new and certainly not welcome. Fear of dying is still an issue, last night many in NZ were woken at 1.30am by the testing of a civil defence emergency test message, it has a very loud tone. Apparently, the Europeans that created the system for us, forgot about the time difference. Anyway, I had to do some serious anxiety busting breathing to get through that rude awakening and not spend the rest of the night imagining imminent tsunamis/volcanos/missiles ARGGGGHHH! Stupid fear. Stupid anxiety. Stupid, stupid antidepressants. Stupid me for stopping them suddenly.

 

Last week a girlfriend told me she has arranged for her 14 year old daughter to start taking Setraline for anxiety and depression. I felt very conflicted about this. My friend also takes antidepressants and generally thinks I should go back on them because I'm struggling. ... No.

 

xxx lots of love mollyn

(edited to remove my weird spacing  )

[MollyN]

Time to face an unpleasant reality 

 

I think I'm suffering from withdrawal and I think it's now intensifying after about 1 year of only very mild symptoms.

 

The last two nights, I've really suffered from insomnia. I'll feel fine and tired at bedtime - around 9.30 - 10pm. The minute the light goes off my mind starts racing. When the first plane flies over at around 11pm, my heart starts pounding and I feel terrified, I block my ears now. They continue on for about 1 hour. It's horrible. Is this limbic kindling? When a small insignificant event when experienced repeatedly, now registers as a fight for your life type of experience? They start again at 5am. Between those hours, sleep consists of tossing and turning with fearful thoughts.

 

I can barely write this down, I'm so scared. I'm terrified we're going to have a nuclear war. Even the words make me feel so afraid. 

 

I'm now seriously realising that jumping at 4ml paxil was so stupid. It's been a year. Symptoms are ramping up, not reducing. I've started a journal to note down suggestions from this site.

 

I've also bought ear plugs and a stress ball to try and protect myself from the plane noise rather than just trying to breathe through it. I thought I looked so dim with my fingers in my ears like a child, now I don't care, I'm desperate enough.

 

I like the daytimes. As long as I don't think about the above fear. The night and the darkness closes in on me.

 

Not very cheerful stuff sorry. I'm hoping exercise will help (only did it for 3 weeks, but it was good), but children on school holidays still so it's difficult to get out.

 

I can imagine that a fair few of you will wearily be thinking "we told you this would happen". You're right. I don't know why I thought I'd be any different and get away from paxil so easily.

 

Hope you're all doing better than me friends xxxxmollyn

 

ps. also is there still a fb group going ? and how can I add a 'paxil' label to my journal, thanks in advance xxx

 

 

 

 

[MollyN]

Happy days!! a full night sleep last night, no terrors at all xxx 

 

Before bed I had a long bath, you know the ones where you run out of hot water by the end. Suddenly, while reading a John Grisham teen fiction book ('cause that's where I'm at!) suddenly the fear left my chest. The window was so welcome.

 

The earplugs, although feeling odd,  worked a treat - no planes crashing on me last night. In fact when I took them out this morning, I felt a bit naked and vulnerable, as though I'd quite like to leave them in all day to be shielded from the noise of the world.

 

 

[MollyN]

Another night of ear plug enabled sleep. Funnily enough, when I put them in, I instantly wanted to remove them, since with them in "how would I listen for the threats (read: crashing planes/asteroids/tsunamis etc) that were sure to kill me and my loved ones?" How crazy is that!! Sheesh.

 

Thank you to the generous moderator that added the paxi/paroxtine label to my journal

 

I have another question for the moderators, and realised I didn't really know where to post it, so hopefully one of you reads here. It just occurred to me that I should check what SA thinks about Peter Breggins's approach to withdrawal and the effect of psychiatrict drugs etc. I watched his youtube series "Simple Truths about Psychiatry" and was so greatly impacted by it, that I have started to recommend it to others so that it might support them as well. But is that ok to do? Please do let me know if you'd prefer I didn't.

 

 

[nz11]

On 10/13/2017 at 8:49 AM, MollyN said:

I watched his youtube series "Simple Truths about Psychiatry" and was so greatly impacted by it, that I have started to recommend it to others so that it might support them as well. But is that ok to do? Please do let me know if you'd prefer I didn't.

Molly im not a moderator but i have no doubt that is totally okay. 

We are all on the same team here. Breggin stands independant of this site and is singing the same song. SA 's tapering song is just a little bit more finely tuned imo.

Breggin is also not as specific in tapering as sa. He also is rather quiet on coping with withdrawal. Breggin could probably be seen as the person trying to keep the gate to the paddocks of ssri's locked and shouting 'No entry' there is a better way. For those who have entered the ssri paddock above the cliff,  SA is probably more of the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff and the safe stair way down the cliff.

Breggin is the number one on my heroes list and i have even bought an extra copy of one of his books to give away.

Isn't Breggin simply the best!  He has been called the conscience of psychiatry. Did you know that in 60 years of work he has never prescribed a drug and never had a suicide or act of violence.

That certainly is a person we want to honor and proclaim from the rooftops, a person truly worth of the letters after his name. 

Youtube is freely available for anyone and everyone to watch so yeah pass it on to as many as you can and mention sa at the same time for anyone wanting to get off these chemicals safely and well. There are many future kiwi members needing to join this site sooner rather than later.

 

nz11

[powerback]

1 hour ago, nz11 said:

Molly im not a moderator but i have no doubt that is totally okay. 

We are all on the same team here. Breggin stands independant of this site and is singing the same song. SA 's tapering song is just a little bit more finely tuned imo.

Breggin is also not as specific in tapering as sa. He also is rather quiet on coping with withdrawal. Breggin could probably be seen as the person trying to keep the gate to the paddocks of ssri's locked and shouting 'No entry' there is a better way. For those who have entered the ssri paddock above the cliff,  SA is probably more of the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff and the safe stair way down the cliff.

Breggin is the number one on my heroes list and i have even bought an extra copy of one of his books to give away.

Isn't Breggin simply the best!  He has been called the conscience of psychiatry. Did you know that in 60 years of work he has never prescribed a drug and never had a suicide or act of violence.

That certainly is a person we want to honor and proclaim from the rooftops, a person truly worth of the letters after his name. 

Youtube is freely available for anyone and everyone to watch so yeah pass it on to as many as you can and mention sa at the same time for anyone wanting to get off these chemicals safely and well. There are many future kiwi members needing to join this site sooner rather than later.

 

nz11

Ill second all that you say about peter nz11 .listening to he's podcast lately gives an insight into how brave he is taking on the mighty powers that be .itl be a sad the day he dies ,hopefully he still has 10 years left in him .

PB

[Martina23]

How are you Molly?

[MollyN]

Oh thanks nz11and powerback!! He is a LEGEND isn't he.  A true reformer.  I love your description of his work in regards to SA - spot on, very nicely said! I will get the word out to people I know irl where possible, it's desperately sad to see folks blaming their condition rather than the drugs they took to help them.

 

Hi Martina, thanks for asking honey xxx I'm ok, the ear plugs are helping at night, as well as a virtual freeze on news reports!   I was thinking of you this weekend, because we discovered we have fleas! At first, we thought it might be bedbugs which sent us into a frenzy of a detailed inspection of the bed/base/mattress/walls/ceiling and involved ripping apart the base of the bed to check. Happily it's 'only' fleas and the pest control person was here today and sprayed the whole house. That was $230 I'd rather have spent elsewhere! I can't vacuum for an entire week, so that's going to be charming with so many of us in the house...if I never post here again it's likely I've been swallowed by a dust bunny.

 

 

 

 

[Martina23]

4 hours ago, MollyN said:

Oh thanks nz11and powerback!! He is a LEGEND isn't he.  A true reformer.  I love your description of his work in regards to SA - spot on, very nicely said! I will get the word out to people I know irl where possible, it's desperately sad to see folks blaming their condition rather than the drugs they took to help them.

 

Hi Martina, thanks for asking honey xxx I'm ok, the ear plugs are helping at night, as well as a virtual freeze on news reports!   I was thinking of you this weekend, because we discovered we have fleas! At first, we thought it might be bedbugs which sent us into a frenzy of a detailed inspection of the bed/base/mattress/walls/ceiling and involved ripping apart the base of the bed to check. Happily it's 'only' fleas and the pest control person was here today and sprayed the whole house. That was $230 I'd rather have spent elsewhere! I can't vacuum for an entire week, so that's going to be charming with so many of us in the house...if I never post here again it's likely I've been swallowed by a dust bunny.

 

 

 

 

By me it was also 180 EUR, but he said if it doesnt disappear, he has to do it once more. I also thought it was bed bugs, ha, ha. It is maybe time for such animals, because I saw also so many flies yesterday. But fleas we havent had yet. Maybe they will visit us just later.

 

Oh my God, I was today by these medical experts to confirm me that I was harmed by Lyrica. And there was also gynecologist. And he meant, as a bonus, he will make me also cytoskopy. He looked me there so much, it pained like devil, now the whole my down there pains. I dont know why these doctors are so hot to heal everything what they see.

[Peonies]

Hi MollyN,

 

Just checking in, Im so sorry about the fleas in your home, I have had them in my home as well and they were a pain to deal with I hope they are well gone by now. I still remember one summer where my dog brought fleas into my house and my younger sister had head lice from a camp she went to, we actually had to stay in a hotel for a week because there was double the "clean".

 

Also my sympathies with the vacuum, mine does not suck up anything anymore so I had to order a new one and it cannot come fast enough, I hate a dirty home, and to be honest neither does my OCD  (Hopefully this does not offend anyone, I do actually have OCD and do poke fun at it from time to time). 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Using Advantage on your pets for controlling fleas is amazing.  It takes a couple of flea birth cycles to get it under control but the stuff really works.

[MollyN]

thanks for the solidarity re. the blimmin fleas! I don't even have the joy of pets, just the side effects!!!

 

We also live in the bush, so I'm hoping that this will kill anything (read spiders) that dare to enter.

 

In other news, it turns out that in our case the way to a man's heart really is through his stomach. After years of suboptimal cooking on my part (according to my most beloved) I've finally started preparing delicious food. After eating last night's dinner, he almost cried with relief.

 

Only read the next bit if you also missed the hearty homemaker gene, because I'm going to share the secret with you too! The secret is using lots of ingredients and sauces/dressings (with lots of ingredients!) (with a cookbook of course - you and I both know what we can't 'wing it' that way). Honestly, for years I've listened/read about chefs taking about 'simple food, in season' and I figured that meant, just kind of serving the food up plainly. NO!! When you buy their cookbooks, you see the truth: long lists of ingredients = dense flavour (and impressed partner). Plus, even if they say "oh just simply parboil the green beans then mix with olive oil, garlic and pepper" = simple - they'll then serve those with something with 10+ ingredients! Not just plain beans, plain potatoes and plain sausages!!

 

Next stop curry! I 'decluttered' my husband's mortar and pestle years ago, but am going to repurchase and try my hand. Any hints gratefully accepted.

 

... but can I be bothered with this level of output... night after blimmin night? He'd like to think so.   Poor lamb

 

 

[Peonies]

Oh right you live in New Zealand! You must get all sorts of creatures in your home. I remember my childhood living in a dessert for some time with my family, and gosh were the spiders such an issue. Especially the black widows, very scary.

 

The cooking sounds amazing Molly, I guess the cooking gene must have missed me in my family since out of many fabulous kitchen crafters, I am a horrible cook. Although, I am still young and learning, so maybe I should take the opportunity to maybe get a simple cookbook and start learning to make some food...and of course, not forgetting all the different flavors and spices as you mentioned! 

 

I have never tried curry surprisingly enough... Even though my boyfriend is as English as they come (we are in a long distance relationship) I still have not gotten around to try the dish. Maybe I should try that as well. Your posts give me so much inspiration Molly!

 

[brassmonkey]

Alton Brown is fantastic for learning the basics and science of cooking.  If you can find his show "Good Eats" on telly is the best, but it appears that many of his episodes are posted here:

 

http://www.foodnetwork.com/shows/good-eats/good-eats-full-episodes-video-gallery

[Peonies]

Hello MollyN,

 

How have you been doing lately?

[powerback]

HI mollyn I hope your well .I came over to say thanks for the recommendation of the  Stown podcast ,forgive me but it was you that recommended it ,I cant seem to find the post on my thread for some reason.i enjoyed it and it was a good distraction in a nasty wave .

Take care .

PB

[MollyN]

Goodness, it's been a tough week! Last week I developed a nasty bone infection in my jaw. Felt like an endless parade of 4 hourly pain relievers and antibiotics over 4 days until I could see the dentist - happily, she had training as an oral surgeon and was confident pulling the two teeth and the metal posts that had been jammed through them 20 + years earlier and were causing all the infection - sadly now I have a great big gap and have to wait 2 weeks for a plate.

 

The pain was exhausting, the amount of pain relief I had to take was upsetting, although I was too wary to go near tramadol or codeine, mind you I probably would have had to if the pain had intensified. I remembered posts on here about dental drugs, but I was too frantic to care by the time she pulled out the syringe.

 

Today it's one day post the cleanup operation, and I'm headachy and finally hungry again. The pain has mercifully almost gone! I'm enormously grateful for that, even if I do look pretty terrible and can only speak with a heavy lisp. I hope there isn't too much of a hangover from all the drugs in the next while.

 

Have run out of earplugs and miss them! I loved my fuzzy quiet place at night. xxxmollyn

[Gridley]

So sorry, MollyN.  Glad it's over and the pain almost gone.  Eat hearty.

[Frogie]

8 hours ago, MollyN said:

Goodness, it's been a tough week! Last week I developed a nasty bone infection in my jaw. Felt like an endless parade of 4 hourly pain relievers and antibiotics over 4 days until I could see the dentist - happily, she had training as an oral surgeon and was confident pulling the two teeth and the metal posts that had been jammed through them 20 + years earlier and were causing all the infection - sadly now I have a great big gap and have to wait 2 weeks for a plate.

 

The pain was exhausting, the amount of pain relief I had to take was upsetting, although I was too wary to go near tramadol or codeine, mind you I probably would have had to if the pain had intensified. I remembered posts on here about dental drugs, but I was too frantic to care by the time she pulled out the syringe.

 

Today it's one day post the cleanup operation, and I'm headachy and finally hungry again. The pain has mercifully almost gone! I'm enormously grateful for that, even if I do look pretty terrible and can only speak with a heavy lisp. I hope there isn't too much of a hangover from all the drugs in the next while.

 

Have run out of earplugs and miss them! I loved my fuzzy quiet place at night. xxxmollyn

So sorry you had to go through that.

 

I went through it  a couple if months ago. I had 3 bottom front teeth pulled and I know exactly how you felt. I had a reaction to the antibiotics on top of that. I got my partial, and it broke the 1st day. I can't just jump in the car and go to the dentist. I live 21/2 hours away. So finally got everything straightened out.

 

I wish you luck. Hopefully you will get your partial soon and feel better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx