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helpless: 15 mg Mirtazapine

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helpless

Hello all, i had found this site on google before and have some questions.

 

I took 15 mg Mirtazapine 6 months and stopped 5 months ago, now i'm in big trouble.

 

After stopping i slowly started losing my emotions and feelings but now i'm complete dead inside, it feels like my soul has gone, there is only silence in me, no matter what i'm doing i can't enjoy things anymore because i'm not connected to it in any way like emotions, thinking about it etc.. and it's almost impossible to sleep, because i simply don't feel anything and don't even know when i'm tired, when i read my name or see some old pictures of myself, i don't feel connected to it in any way, same thing if i look in the mirror, it simply is like there is nothing inside me anymore. I don't have panic attacks or feel sad, i can't say how i'm feeling because feelings are no longer there. If i remember some things i can't get some emotions or feel deep about something that was very important to me, i lost interest in everything that i loved, its hard to concentrate without feeling anything, or know what todo, what is important or not, what is right or wrong..... it's also almost imposible for me to go out or visit some friends, but i know that i'm in reality and never had hallucinations, some time after stopping mirtazapine i was manic

 

My question now is what could this be? Is it permanent braindamage or is it some sort of DP? I had DR before but i had feelings and panic attacks, now i simply don't feel anything. I had depression for years but this for sure is no depression anymore. Please let me know anyone what i can do about this because im very suicidal the last time, but i don't want to give up and die in this condition, i had many plans for my life, i can't belive all that could happen to me and i don't wish such condition to anyone, well maybe to the doc only that gave me that pills...

 

Regards, helpless.

Edited by scallywag
tags added

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mammaP

Hi Helpless, I have moved your post to introductions, this is your thread to update when you like, it will be your journal.  

 

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this.  It sounds like you may be suffering from 

withdrawal anhedonia , there is a thread covering it here. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation

 

It is also a side effect that I suffered with for years before starting to taper effexor, I had no idea it had a name or that it was

caused by the drug.. 

 

I wish I could make it better for you but only time can do that. Sometimes reinstating a tiny dose can relieve symptoms 

but at 5 months out there are no guarantees that it would help. 

 

It isn't permanent and is not brain damage, you will recover from this. Many people find fish oil and magnesium

helpful but some supplements make things worse. It's always better to start with a very small amount and increase gradually.

 

Are you taking any other medications? Anything at all, even herbs or over the counter stuff?

It would help if you can put your history in your signature line for us,  when drug/s were started and stopped, and the doses. 

 

You will find instructions how to do that here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

Edited by Petu
fixed link

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Nikki

Hi.....nice to meet you....I can't advise you on mirtazapine but there are alot of other members who are trying to get off of it....If you read thru the introductions you can see who they are and chat with them.....

 

Best regards

 

Nikki


Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Altostrata

Welcome, helpless.

 

Yes, you may be suffering from post-discontinuation syndrome.

 

Many people do well with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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helpless

6 months of taking this ****, ruinied my life completly, used to be an very creative person and deep thinker, now all that is left is my body, my spirit, my mind, my soul, my personality has been taken from me, my mind is blank all the time, i can't think deep about anything anymore, it's like someone cut out my tounge from the inside out, all i want is sleep but i can't, when i wake up it's like i had no sleep, i'm never tired, never in good or bad mood, don't know how to act anymore, or what to say to someone, lost all my interests, it's like i never lived my live before, everyday is completly the same, no ups or downs, nothing feels good or bad anymore, there is no hate, love, joy or something else and in the same time its like i don't even care about that, is there any chance to heal? what meds can help me? docs could not help me, they simple don't give a **** about my situation, said that i'm shizophrenic and gave me zyprexa for 2 months. i tried 5 HTP, omega 3, random vitamines, benzos, amphetamines gave me energy only, please give me some hope before i finally end my life.

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compsports

Helpless,

 

Many people have felt like you but came out the other side greatly improved.    What you are experiencing is the withdrawal issues and is not really you.   Would it help to simply picture those thoughts as separate and not really an indication that you want to commit suicide?


Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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compsports

I definitely understand how desperate you are.  You might want to read this site, http://beyondmeds.com/ as the owner, Gianna Kali, who posts here, got off of 6 psych meds and had taken a million of them throughout the years.

 

As far as what type of life you are leading, I am not experiencing withdrawal but I am dealing with severe sleep deprivation that has similar type issues.   I find that accepting the situation helps alot.   That doesn't mean I like it because frankly, it stinks to high heaven.  But simply acknowledging my limits seems to help keep my negative thoughts at bay.


Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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andy

reading and watching horror stories about ADs wont help you get off them ,you have to stay positive and blank out the negatives

WD is hard there is no question about that but lots and lots of people get over it short and long term.

Put a plan together and start your recovery journey

Good luck


2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

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Altostrata

Hello, helpless. I merged your recent posts into your Intro topic to keep your journey all in one place.

 

Have your symptoms changed at all since March, when you first visited?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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mlrp

Helpless, I'm on Wellbutrin and Mirt (and Lorazepam). Tapering too fast off Wellbutrin is what got me here, but I believe in my case that Mirt is the bigger villain. I only had bouts of depersonalization but anhedonia was a huge part of my initial w/d "profile." Found zero pleasure in anything - even things that I had been absolutely passionate about in the past. In fact, it had become acutely painful to experience or think about things that used to give me pleasure.

 

Also, like you, my cognitive functioning was waaaayy down - couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few anguished minutes, had to read the same paragraph over and over, the simplest math was overwhelming - all of which made my already extreme anxiety worse.

 

I, too, would "sleep," but never, ever, ever woke feeling rested - in fact, the opposite. I stopped dreaming entirely. I feel like Remeron "deadened" a huge part of my brain.

 

You will have to chart your own path out of this, with help from this forum and other resources, because everyone's situation is unique. And as others have said, it will be a great challenge. It will take time, patience, endurance, and learning new methods of distress tolerance.

 

I'm writing this to you because there is HOPE. The drug messed with your brain and CNS mechanics (in simpleton layman's terms) and it will take time for your system to do the complex work of repairing itself. Two things that help me in desperate times are clinging to the knowledge that it's the drugs (or their after-effects), not me, that are doing this, and healing continues even during the worst waves of symptoms. 

 

So, it isn't you. It is the drugs. And your system is continually working on healing itself, even as you read this, even during your worst moments.

 

I write this because even though I have a ways to go, my symptom profile is gradually improving. Sometimes the progress feels glacial, and I still have waves that are painful but, looking back, I see that I am not at the same level of distress I was a few months ago. Sleep is somewhat more restful. Dreams are back. Pleasure and enjoyment are beginning to return.

 

One thing I might suggest is to be careful of how many different kinds of supplements you might be taking. They can be very activating to a CNS that is already over-stressed.

 

Courage! You can do this.


04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

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tgirl

Helpless how are you doing?


April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

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tgirl

Mlrp, how are you doing?


April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

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Muddles

Helpless - you have exactly the same symptoms as I have. Please tell me how you are?


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Muddles

I was in n mirtazapine too.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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helpless

Hey, nothing changed and i'm thinking about suicide daily. I'm not existing anymore, a complete lobotomy and ereasure of everything that i ever was. I don't understand how such meds are even legal, i wish death to the creater of this drug and endless suffering in hell with the same symptoms.

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Muddles

I'm so sorry...its absolutely criminal.

 

Have you reported this to the FDA? I did yesterday - please do if you haven't.

 

Thinking of you.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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LexAnger

Hi hope, I totally agree with you about these dangerous and harmful drugs! You can tell from my user name how much I hated the whole thing! It's sooooo true that my life is completely ruined by it!

 

After years struggling, I eventually learned to accept the dreadful situation and almost have peace with it. This is the first step of being ready to heal. It took very long and thousands of self convincing to get to the point, but it's very critical and you will gradually get there too.

 

As many others who successfully got over to the other side and be oneself again, there is hope. It can be a very long healing process but keep this hope all the time and know you will be back to normal and enjoy normal emotions and life will keep us going, one day at a step.

 

Good you don't have other suffers like me strange pain, numbness, pressure every where 24/7 so severe hard to believe. We need to remind ourselves and each other for the hope to survive this incredible suffering and get our lives back.


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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helpless

I even lost my voice in the head, the inner monologe, that was there my whole life, there is only silence, i don't have any reaction from what i'm seeing, listening etc....i'm never scared, or anything! How the **** is this even possible? Thats like my brain has been shutdown completly! My inner universe that i build since i was born, has been replaced with NOTHINGNESS, that is unchanged 24 / 7. It's over an year now and nothing has changed, only looks like it is getting worse and worse. Would i take heroin, combined with cocaine and meth for 6 months, i wouldn't have such brain damage and for sure wouldn't lose my entire soul.

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Muddles

Your situation is the exact same to mine - it must be mirtazapine. I wake up (when I sleep) feeling totally dead with suicidal thoughts. I have other problems too...It has destroyed my humanity and I just want it to stop. What do we do?

 

The good thing for you is that you were on it for 6 months only. You have a chance of recovery but you will just have to wait out this hell. This stuff needs to be banned!!!!


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Muddles

Message me anytime.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Hopefull

hi helpless,

to some extent i know how you are feeling.

i am weaning off mirtz have experienced numbness, weird symptoms that doctors can't explain and disturbing dreams. i too have days when i don't feel like a normal human being. but i think that in time you will heal. although easier said than done you have to stay strong and keep going. i just wanted to share this with you so that you don't feel alone. we all have struggles you are not alone. i wish you well.


DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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helpless

Yea docs can't explain, because they don't even know how that pills work, they just give them to you like candy, that's all they want and that's their job, i'm not longer the same person and i really don't think i ever will be again, because i don't think that i can survive this hell. I really did not even know that something like this is possible, this is not like lobotomy only, but erasure of complete humanity, you not even longer exist and still you don't even care, your personality is simply removed, like you not lived the life before and this is not like DP, i had that before and it is like paradise compared to this hell. It is like i'm not even in contoll of my movements, because the deep core that observed / controlled it, is removed, the deepest core of your soul.

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tgirl

Hello helpless,

I too am suffering in remeron hell!

I feel for you!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!


April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

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Rhiannon

Helpless, would you mind telling me how old you are? Also, have you used other psych drugs besides the mirtazapine ever? You mentioned Zyprexa. Maybe you could put your full med history into your sig line, it would be helpful for us if you did.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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helpless

I'm 26 years old, only took mirtazapine for 6 months, then they forced me to take zyprexa for 2 months, because they told me now that i'm shizophrenic. I tried to exploit this to my parents, but they belive the doctors. Some girl i know since i was 10 years, took mirtazapine also and is now to 80% retarded, some other guy "drizzy" on this board has same symptoms....

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Muddles

How many people have been labelled after having adverse reactions to medication. This is sick!! You weren't schizophrenic before meds and you certainly aren't now.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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helpless

How many people have been labelled after having adverse reactions to medication. This is sick!! You weren't schizophrenic before meds and you certainly aren't now.

 

There is nothing inside to be shizophrenic or psychotic. I for sure would feel better beeing shizophren.

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helpless

I dicided now that i end my life, after i talked to my mother about my sitation and she started stressing me after that about some simple useless ****, there is noone that can help me and noone can understand me, there is no more hope, none gives a **** and i don't longer care. i wish you all the best.

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simon

Helpless,

Don't let anyone scare you with labels like schizophrenic.

30 years ago my wife had the same label and was told that shed be on powerful drugs for the rest of her life. She spent 6 months lying on the floor of a mental institution, unable to speak or hardly move. In total hell.

Fast forward 30 years, shes had no further recurrence of mental illness inspite of powerful anti-psychotics, 20 sessions of ect (practically enforced in those days) and little hope given by the people looking after her.

She recovered, has had 3 kids and leads a completely drug-free and productive, creative life. 

These are often one off crises that pass.

One person that inspires me (you can see him on utube videos) is Will Hall from Mad in America. Same diagnosis, completely well and active, helping others.

If you read some of the books recommended on this site like Anatomy of an Epidemic, youll find that in the past, before these so called wonder drugs, people had these crises and eventually recovered naturally because there was no medication available. Its just that unfortunately weve become guinea pigs on drugs that just haven't been properly tested.

I take the same drug as you and im determined to eventually taper off it. I just don't know whats taken me so long to get to this turning point!

Keep fighting

Simon 


. Been on some kind of meds since 1982,mainly on and off things like imipramine.,2000 on75mg venlafaxine til it bottomed out, then 150, also no good. about 7 years. Almost ct from it and put on cocktail of  Cit, Mirt and Lithium. Remained there for 7 years.

Tapered Citalopram in June2014 and was off in 6 weeks. Mood slumped about 6 weeks later. Found this site sept 5th and got some idea why this happens.18th Sept stopped lorezepam and due to misunderstanding with GP was without it for 36 hours which caused a crisis.

from 19thsept 18mg diazepam to replace lorezepam(possible addiction) 24th sept 12 mg diaz per day. 29th sept 10mg diaz per day and tapering at 1-2mg per week. At 5mg will slow down taper. At same time increase of mirtazapine to 45mg per day.

Taking fish oil and magnesium as suggested on this site.

Also have menieres syndrome, a cause of vertigo, vomiting and partial loss of hearing, also very occasional drop attacks.

As of 8th October on; Mirtazapine 45mg, Citalopram 20mg Lithium 500mg Diazepam 6mg (tapering by 2mg per week) Fish oil and magnesium

As of 25th October Mirt 45mg, Citalopram20mg Lithium 700mg Diazepam12mg

As of 12th November Mirt 37.5 Cit.20mg Lithium 700mg Diazepam 8mg (to taper after 14 days by 10%)

As of 17th November Mirt 35mg Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg Diazepam 8mg (to taper after 14 days by 10%)

As of 25th November MIrt 35mg Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg Diazepam 7mg

As of 1st December MIrt 35 Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg         Diazepam 6mg  (been stable for the last 2 weeks)

GP intervention 19 December now on 150 Ven, 37.5 Mirt, 600 Lithium  Diazepam 7mg

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Petunia

I dicided now that i end my life, after i talked to my mother about my sitation and she started stressing me after that about some simple useless ****, there is noone that can help me and noone can understand me, there is no more hope, none gives a **** and i don't longer care. i wish you all the best.

 

Helpless,  I'm so sorry that you feel no one understands, or can help, that is what we are here for, we understand because many of us are going through the same thing.

 

But we are an internet forum and not able to help you if you are seriously considering ending your life, you must contact some real life help.  Please call your local suicide hot line or tell someone in your life what you are thinking of doing. Is there anyone else you can talk to besides your mother?  I'm not sure if you are in the US or not, but if you are, here is a site where you can get information:

 

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

 

Petu.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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LexAnger

Hi Helpless, if you read some of the introduction from members here, all of us ended here because each is going through a similar yet unique suffering and many are in much worse situation. You are probably the youngest in the forum, and even most of us much older than you are still trying with all the strength we can have to get out of the tunnel. If you read the successful stories, you will know there is hope for real and everyone will get oneself back eventually with enduration and patience. I experienced the same suicidal thoughts as this condition makes us thinking hopeless and impossible. It's the meds acting not real, once you feel better the idea will go away. Life is so precious as I learned especially after this incredible and horrible experience. Thinking about how many great years ahead once I'm out is how I am living each day and hour. It's very hard for ppl who are not in the same shoe to understand as its beyond normal human beings normal experience. I have been very frustrated trying to make ppl understand but now I have peace with their lack of understanding. This forum helped me a lot to equip myself with hope, confidence, strength and knowledge critical for me to move forward with a strategy. You are not alone even ppl in your real life does not understand. We are all here to support with complete understanding.


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Hopefull

hi helpless,

you are young and you do have a future. this will pass and you will get better. find a really good councellor/ psychologisomeone who can guide you and give you the support that you need.


DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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mammaP

Hang in there Helpless, please take care and just hold on tight. I know what it is like when no-one understands,

you feel so alone in your suffering. I know that people didn't understand me and now I am glad they didn't,

because you have to feel this to understand it, and I wouldn't want anyone to feel the same way. 

Last year I had some very very low times when I just felt like I couldn't carry on, just couldn't go on for another

minute.  I planned what to do and how to do it, but thought about my daughter. We had a row and I knew that

if I ended it then she would blame herself for the rest of her life. My being suicidal was nothing to do with the row,

I was feeling it anyway and the row probably kept me from doing it because I didn't want her to feel that way so

somehow I got through and took each hour, each minute and just carried on breathing, it was all I could do,

breathe.  And it passed, it passed and now I am so glad that it did. 

 

It will pass for you too, it really will, we all care about you very much and want to see you get well. 

This Mamma cares and sends hugs. 


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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dalsaan

Many of us have felt, at one time or another, broken, helpless, hopeless and alone.  

 

And we have felt it wont change ... and then it does.

 

Early in my journey I felt entirely empty, like there was no person inside, just a bunch of very distressing symptoms, now I have found myself again and even discovered new things about me and new interests/capacities.

 

Please seek help to manage your symptoms and desperation until the change comes - it will, nothing is permanent.  Being younger and without a very long drug history counts in your favour.  


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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helpless

Hey, I'm still here but not for a long time i guess, it really looks like I got some unique braindamage from that drug and I think my frontal lobe has been completly damaged, I'll wait one year, if I can, then if nothing change, I will kill the psychiatriest with a big ******* knife, but before I will force him to eat all kind of medications. There is no ******* way to survive this kind of damage and hell, when you simply don't even have your voice in your head that you had your whole life, without it, i can't say how I feel, what I think, because i always was in some kind of monolouge with myself / my soul + even the feelings are gone now, one year and nothing changed. It maybe sounds strange, but I simply can't think anymore, it's like my whole mind has been taken from me, I can't plan for today and tomorrow, don't know what is right or wrong and this is every day the same ******* ****, now I don't feel frustraded, sad or anything about it.... and I don't feel empty inside, there is no inside, to feel empty, for example I touch things, but the inner construct that observed it, is no longer there anymore.

Drizzy took Mirtazapin only for 6 weeks, lost his job, his wife, 35 years old, lifing by his mother again, 2 times tried to comit suicide, he doesn't write back, so i guess hes gone now...

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