helpless: 15 mg Mirtazapine

December 25, 2014

Glad your still with us and hanging in there. Keep in mind that things can change at any time. I have experienced lows of depths that I never knew could exist and I thought for years and years (this was while still on and off meds) that my life was over and destined to live in hell for the rest of my life but things have started slowly to change.

Best wishes xxx

December 25, 2014

Hi helpless, I've been thinking about you and hoping that you are ok, or as ok as you possibly can be

when you are suffering so badly. Your post seems a very angry post and I am not beraating you for

it but it shows that you are feeling something. That can be a good thing even if it doesn't seem like it

right now. It is horrific that you and others are in this state,I remember when I felt so strongly too and it

is not somewhere I want to be again! I know you probably don't want to hear this but acceptance is

what will help you most right now. If you can accept what has happened, there is nothing you can do to

change it now, none of us can turn back the clock, but to start again where you are right now you can

start to heal. Every day is a new challenge and enough to get through. The days will get better,

one day you will realise that it is a better day. Read some of the members' intro threads and you will see

that many of them are healing and getting better, and I am certain that you will get better too. I hope you

can see some improvement very soon.

December 25, 2014

Hi Helpless,

I'm glad to hear from you although I wish you weren't struggling.

So we can easily understand your drug history, can I ask you to create a signature. Instructions on how tondo that are here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

Dalsaan

December 26, 2014

I'm so glad you are still there Helplessand like you am on Mirtazapine, now down to 4.50 from 30mg. which has taken me 16 months.

I've had a lot of suicidal thinking lately, but keep reminding myself that it is the drug, and if I am to believe what people say it will get better. Also suffered a blow from another site which knocked the last bit of stuffing out of me. I just don't sem to care about anything.

Hang in with your other Mirt buddies, we need you too Helpless.

Hey Puddles, is that you Sare?

January 16, 2015

Hello, nothing has changed, no sign of healing, looks like it is getting worse, i'm complete brain damaged. Is there any way to check the frontal lobe for abnomality? Docs gave me Amisuplrid now, i should start with 100 mg, then he want to go up @ 600 mg........ I hoped that he understand my situation and tries to help, he saying it is negativ symtoms of shizophrenia, then i said him there is for sure too less dopamin, then he did not know what to give me, too less dopamine then giving me Meds that are blocking dopamine again + sleeping pills, that blocks dopamine too..... what the **** is just going on?! How to survive something like this? I'm typing this message, but it is like it is not me typing, it really is like i'm DEAD already, there is absolutly no reaction / feeling / emotion / thoughts. It's like i do not longer have control over my eyes..... because there is no feedback from what i'm seeing. My mind is blank 24 / 7 and a blank stare into nothingness 24 / 7, from a soulless, dead body. Last pill i took 1 year and 3 months ago. This is so unreal and abnormal. HOW chemical imbalance now, can remove me as human beeing?! I start to think that the pills are made, to simply destroy and make people sick, so they buy more pills, till they comite suicide or kill somebody else. NO steet drug ever, can cause such symtoms, take XTC and you SURE wont get any brain zaps, that is made to ******* torture the people, so they will take that USELESS bullsh*t again...... they are ******* made to KILL and not HEAL someone. I atleast want my old mind and inner monologe back, without it, i can't survive something unreal like this.

I try vitamines, omega 3, zinc, nothing helps.

January 16, 2015

This drug is a labotomy in a pill. I am where you are but also suffering severe side effects. I don't know what to say...apart from I'm sorry....sorry that such drugs are being passed as safe to use and yet cause so much destruction and we have been the victims of the cruelty. This drug needs to be taken off the market...seriously.

January 16, 2015

Yes, the most deep and complex lobotomy and ereasure ever possible. I don't even think that people after "normal" lobotomy are "feeling" like this after that.... i think the frontal lobe has been numbed out / destroyed completly, all connections that was build since the birth are no longer there. I not longer plan to go out / visit my friends anymore, because i'm nothing but a ghost now and i'm scared of myself too. Every day is like a replay of the day before.

January 16, 2015

Yes, the most deep and complex lobotomy and ereasure ever possible. I don't even think that people after "normal" lobotomy are "feeling" like this after that.... i think the frontal lobe has been numbed out / destroyed completely, all connections that was build since the birth are no longer there. I not longer plan to go out / visit my friends anymore, because i'm nothing but a ghost now and i'm scared of myself too. Every day is like a replay of the day before.

I know exactly what it is to feel as you do. I had that same loss when I abruptly stopped taking Valium in the early '80's. I could not function at all. I had no thots, could only answer "yes" and "no" , could not be left alone. I could not remember any part of my life nor even the names of my children. I had no feelings whatsoever. I want to tell you that I got it back. I went on to a full and complete life. I got my frontal lobe back and my memories and my feelings. It took a long time, but it did come back.

Can I just encourage you NOT to take any drugs whatsoever? Allow your brain to regain its balance and it will reconnect. TIME is on your side. Mine took 3 1/2 years to begin to get better. Yours may take much much less -- I know of lots of people who have what you're experiencing and have gone on to heal. Please be patient ...

January 16, 2015

My thoughts are with you helpless X

January 31, 2015

Helpless,

Just dropping in to say "hi" and offer support. How are you doing? Best wishes.

February 2, 2015

Hey, thanks for support, but i'm not doing good at all. No change to report. It is 100% nothing else, but a massive brain damage and lobotomy. Every day i try to connect to the old person, but it is just impossible, it is impossible to connect with anything. Because the deepest core / soul, got removed, that observed the input.

February 3, 2015

I am sure that you will recover. You need time.Are you getting counselling? Is your family supporting you? Do you have any one you can talk too? Keep fighting don't give up.Sending you well wishes.

February 3, 2015

Hello helpless

I am also going through the mirtazapine withdrawal horseshit... and it can be hell on earth, i feel ya. It sounds like you got protracted withdrawal, a kind of withdrawal that can last longer than most withdrawals .. from what i have read anyways. I know its ridiculously hard to think positive and to believe you will get through this, but i believe you can, we all can. There are people that have recovered from being on garbage anti depressants for more than a decade, so im sure you can too. I know its really hard to stay positive. believe me, I am still struggling with it myself.

February 3, 2015

Hey Helpless, where are you?

I was just about to type out the lyrics to "Time is on my Side", by the Rolling Stones, but am now concerned about you, so please let us know that you are alright.

I'm a victime/survivor of Mirtazapine too Helpless, so please hang in with one for the team. I can assure you I am getting better and this is 18 months down the track.

Back on your horse Helpless, I'm the drongo here, and there's no going back.

Keep batting.

steeley

February 3, 2015

Hi helpless, I only have this to offer, no idea if it's relevant: google brain plasticity Michael Merzenich, very best wishes

February 5, 2015

I guess mirtazapine has removed everything from me while i took it, but in that time i simply did not care about anything and continued to take it, it has changed me, then after stopping i woke up one day, i lost my soul and since then it got worse and worse till i just lost completly everything. That drugs are stimulating and numbing the frontal lobe, till it dies / colapses and then all is left is a shell of your former self. I'm not longer able to tell what i think and how i feel.... this is sooo sick!

February 6, 2015

+ then the ******* useless poisen zyprexa did the final job

February 7, 2015

Docs gave me Amisuplrid now, i should start with 100 mg, then he want to go up @ 600 mg........

What are you taking at the moment helpless, we need some details in your signature.

So we can easily understand your drug history, can I ask you to create a signature. Instructions on how tondo that are here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

Here's how to add your signature from a phone or tablet:

http://survivinganti...nature/?p=84105

February 22, 2015

Hey, at the moment i don't take anything, since nothing helps, it makes all worse, i think i can't longer take this, looks really permanent to me and it really looks like it is getting worse day by day.

6 Months - 15 mg Mirtazapin

2 Months - Zyprexa

Result = completly destroyed life

[Content edited by Dalsaan - inappropriate]

Put any normal person in this state for few months, 8 out of 10 would kill themself 100%

24 hours - no thoughts, emotions, feelings - just empty and wiped clean

It really is like your brain has been shutdown completly, how the hell is this possible to lose your inner monolouge? Everyone get that after your learn speaking...

I listen to musik - no emotion / joy

I lie in bed - never bored

I think about suicide - not scared

I try to do new things - no interest

Every day replay of the day before, life goes on without me

February 22, 2015

Helpless, please complete your signature as requested numerous times. This helps us because we don't have to scroll back up through your thread to understand what you have/are taking - that's very time consuming. We are volunteers here and want to be able to use of time constructively.

February 22, 2015

Helpless - I don't know your story because you don't have a sig line. I'm just dropping by - I skimmed your stuff and it looks to me like you've been off mirtazapine for almost a year now. Maybe more. Additionally, is there some zyprexa in there? Are you still on it? Or did you go off of that, too?

You should've seen windows and waves by now, even if you are still suffering.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery

If you are not seeing windows and waves, then I would guess that your patterns of thinking and feeling are hampering your healing. I don't deny that there is protracted withdrawal, but all I've seen posted here is woe. woe! woe is helpless! and not one shred of curiosity about how this works, how to get better, or effort to make the best of an awful situation.

Maybe you have, and like most journals, are not posting when you feel well. Have you had windows and waves?

When someone rattles off the word suicide for over a year, I'm very concerned. Certainly, protracted withdrawal is miserably agony. I don't envy you that at all. But there are people here who have LIVED through it, some of whom are better than before! First, I am obligated to remind you, if you are contemplating suicide, please consider one of the following options:

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

or

http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Second, I encourage you to distract, in a way that you can tolerate. Do you like playing stupid video games? When I'm shut down, I can play solitaire or match 3 for hours. And then, I look up from the game and it's better. If music is not working - have you tried taking a walk? Walks, like antidepressants, sometimes take a few weeks to "kick in." walk every day if you can, even if it's only 10 minutes (this does requires some self discipline, but not much!). There are many ways to distract, you can find a rough list here (look around the website while you are there, and consider the lessons offered for free):

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills_list.html

Even just making a list of things to try later is a distraction.

I'm sorry you are still suffering. Yes it is criminal. Yes, there is a time and a place to complain - and this is one of them. But when all you do is complain, we worry that you don't see a way through to get well again. Without that vision and drive, it will be even more difficult for you.

March 13, 2015

Hey, at the moment i don't take anything, since nothing helps, it makes all worse, i think i can't longer take this, looks really permanent to me and it really looks like it is getting worse day by day.

6 Months - 15 mg Mirtazapin

2 Months - Zyprexa

Result = completly destroyed life

[Content edited by Dalsaan - inappropriate]

Put any normal person in this state for few months, 8 out of 10 would kill themself 100%

24 hours - no thoughts, emotions, feelings - just empty and wiped clean

It really is like your brain has been shutdown completly, how the hell is this possible to lose your inner monolouge? Everyone get that after your learn speaking...

I listen to musik - no emotion / joy

I lie in bed - never bored

I think about suicide - not scared

I try to do new things - no interest

Every day replay of the day before, life goes on without me

Only those who have experienced this total removal from life would understand just how hard it is to survive. I Wouldn't even call it DP/DR....I don't think anyone could come up with a word to describe it.

I am wondering how you are doing? Any relief or changes?

March 23, 2015

Hey, still nothing has changed, i now got some wierd lightness in my body and in my head, like there is absolutly nothing inside now. I think i lost 50+ IQ points.

March 23, 2015

Hi helpless , do you think some of what you're feeling is covered by the term "anhedonia" ?

It means the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable , like exercise hobbies , music , social interaction.

Lots of people on this site have had the emotional numbness you describe , and most seem to find it lifts with time as their brain heals and readjusts.

How are you spending your days?

If you click FOLLOW THIS TOPIC at the top right , you'll receive an email each time someone posts.

I think I must've lost at least 100 IQ points when I was in withdrawal (see video in Fresh's Fractured Fairytale) and I've gotten about 97 of them back.

You will too , it's going to take more time though.

:blush: Warm wishes , Fresh

April 11, 2015

Hello, this is FAR from emotional numbness and anhedonia, it's removal from life, I was drinking with friends and I'm not longer even able to get drunk... i don't get the dizzyness you normaly get when you drink... or when i smoke one in the morning, i don't get any reaction if something happen, where i normaly should be scared for example or happy, how the **** is this even possible?! I can take a walk, but its same if i take one or not, i can walk whole day and i will never be bored or tired.... i had sex with a butiful woman, like from my old dreams and there was ZERO pleasure or anything, orgasm is no orgasm anymore, its a joke....kissing this woman did not turn me on, my old interest i build up my whole life, doesn't me anything, money doesnt anything, because its all 100% monoton, its same if i sleep or have sex, or walk, or talk to friends... i won 2000€ in casino and wasn't happy, i could lose that money on the way back home and i would not care. I can't sleep, it takes 4 hours sometimes, then if i sleep, i get massive nightmares, for example about psychiatry, then i wake up, like i had no sleep, then new day begins, a repeat of the day before.

And there is absolutly no doubt, that i had a psychosis while taking that stuff, i was manic, had not realistic dreams, because of the massive frontal lobe stimulation nonstop with dopamin / serotonin, could work like a robot whole day nonstop, was spending money without thinking etc etc...

Blank mind, no emotions, no feelings.

How to survive this? What is there to life for? Where to start? Where to find hope?

April 11, 2015

i feel the same way. empty inside. it's called anhedonia. ive been this way a month. not sure what the prognosis is. i hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. believe me i know exactly how you feel

the ssri completely plugs your uptake ports on your serotonin receptors on your neurons. the serotonergic system of the brain is responsible for your happiness feelings. all the butterflies in the stomach, the tingle in your head when you meet your friends... thats your serotonin neurons firing. right now your synapses are downgraded because the ssri has plugged your uptake ports, and their serotonin production has droppped off to a trickle. what needs to happen is your neurons need to clear the ssri out of the ports. not sure how that happens. a lot of people claim to recover from this symptom, so it must be possible. but i have no idea on the timeline

not sure you understand my explanantion. if you want to talk about it some more feel free to pm me...

April 11, 2015

You only took 3 pills and got the same stuff?

What the **** is just wrong?!

I wish the worst possible death and endless suffering in hell to any Doc who prescribe that useless **** like candy, destoying lifes and families.

How only 3 pills can make so much change in your brain? No ******* illegal drug can do this.

April 20, 2015

Hi helpless how are you doing?

May 1, 2015

Of course nothing has changed, I'm sitting alone at home, I'm scared of myself, i don't know what is right or wrong, my mind is not only BLANK, but its like i got no brain left, or the part that produce thoughts has been KILLED / NUMBED!

I'm breathing as if im sleeping with open eyes, no reaction of what i'm seeing, like i got no control over my eyes, TOTAL emptyness in my body, my life is over i guess! I used to be a highly creativ person and a programmer, who earned 8000$ a month, now, im a soulles idiot.

Remeron disable the reuptake of serotonin + dopamin + noradrenalin, you take it for months, first you don't notice anything, then there is so much of it in the synapse, 24 hours, till the nervecells burn out, in the frontal lobe, if you get very happy, your frontal lobe is stimulated, now there is everything DEAD. later: you don't get any dopamine reward or serotonin, because there is almost none there + the axons are now damaged too, swollen, its like taking drugs, alone the thoughts of sex for example release huge amount of dopamin, the thought alone, later you got no reward actually even doing it, old connection in the brain shas been shutdown as you take the drug, later the new ones shutdown too, Its like beeing on a cocaine trip 24 hours nonstop, for months, you can check the MRI scans of what damage you get on dopamine alone from one dose, its a MASSIVE and permanent damage!

And now the question is, why would doctors prescribe such useless ****? There is only one answer, to make the people sick, then they pay for higher doses, getting more pills, till they finaly end their lifes and killing someone else. Its all about making money and reduce of global population.

How someone can accept, that your whole life, your personality, your likes, dislikes, your WHOLE SOUL, has been TAKEN from you, buy some ******* "doctor" that you trusted! I sure wont and can't accept it and i will take actions about it. Belive me, that doctor sure wont prescribe any pills anymore.

July 12, 2015

hi helpless I've read your thread...I had thought all the things you wrote during these 8 months of numbness. Yes, cause I've been poisoned by an extra dosage of lexapro for 5 years, then a low dose of risperdal for about a month.

Suddenly, one night I simply lost my soul. no emotions, blank mind, sitting alone at home, suicidal thoughts (1 failed attempt); all you wrote I have it.

Now the questions are simple: is this damage permanent? why do psychiatric drugs still exist?

I need answers...

July 15, 2015

They still exist because they are making good money with it, while not even knowing how they function and what kind of permanent damage they do.

I just simply dont ******* understand, how there can be only silence inside my head, my voice in head is gone, the inner monolog, I can't life without it, because it was there my whole life, wtf?

Without it i simply don't know what todo, what i think, i cant function, i cant fall asleep without it, without my thoughts.

July 15, 2015

Here is what i found interesting, you see here the damage of the Drug Ecstasy:

Thats only after 2 weeks, imagine now, if the serotonin remains longer as it should be for months or years in the synapses, what happens and what happens with SNRI, where Dopamine is also involved, that means, that you most likley never will be the same person, as this connection grows after you are born, then are disconnected after stopping or taking SSRI / SNRI, its like whole new leaning process, where you where born, with the difference that your brain doesn't develop anymore.

September 24, 2015

H,

How are you doing?

Tgirl

October 29, 2015

Thx for your interest, but nothing changed at all. I wont accept the truth, but looks like it is getting worse.

October 30, 2015

Hi Helpless,

Sorry to hear that you are still struggling.

So you don't experience any thoughts post Mitrazapine , what so ever?

It doesn't mean that it is permanent.

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

November 3, 2015

i did some coke today, normaly i think that dose would kill a normal person, i do not longer even get euphoria from that, my fantasy also complete gone, i used to be such creative person... i',m crying now and cant stop, i also did MDMA and other drugs, all that most deep feelings and emotions are gone, everything, THAT WAS ME / MY SOUL! this clearly is a lobotomie, death of frontal lobe.

helpless: 15 mg Mirtazapine

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