NewMe

[NewMe]

Generic effexor screwed me up. Back to 14 beads off. Ugh. And back on brand, Crap on a cracker. 

[NewMe]

Stabilizing is going ok. Some agitation but marginal. 

 

Noticed spontaneous laughing instead of forced as when on full dose. One thing that returned in windows and waves when I CTd paxil was return of real laughter. Kind of nice.

[bubble]

that sounds great;) thank you for the update!

[mlrp]

Hi, NewMe,

 

I'm a newbie here and would love to introduce myself. We may have a few things in common:

• I love your avatar. I know that mpeg, and I have had house rabbits in the past. Love rabbits! Though we just recently adopted a cat - might think about adding rabbits on down the road.
• I'm an ACOA, perimenopausal member of Al-Anon. :-) Now 14 months into the program. I have lots of "qualifiers" (don't know if you use that term) but my relationship with my mom is what brought me into the rooms. She is almost certainly borderline personality disorder and medicated herself heavily with alcohol and some drugs throughout my childhood. Generally, a pretty crap, dysfunctional childhood. Still, in my case, there is real love shared amongst the members of my family of origin. It just all somehow got horribly screwed up.

So, mostly just "hello" and I wish you well in your recovery. I "envy" your spontaneous laughter. I get one every once in a while, which is lovely. But, the fact that I can even do the forced (I-know-this-is-funny-and-I-used-to-laugh-at-this-kind-of-thing-so-I-will-"laugh"-now) laughing response is an improvement from where I was about a year ago - unable to experience any light at all.

 

I am so grateful for my program, and now this community.

 

Wishing you serenity in this moment.

[NewMe]

that sounds great;) thank you for the update!

Hey there, Bubble! Any day is a great day to laugh!

 

Hope you are well and spring is being kind to you 

[NewMe]

Hi, NewMe,

 

I'm a newbie here and would love to introduce myself. We may have a few things in common:

• I love your avatar. I know that mpeg, and I have had house rabbits in the past. Love rabbits! Though we just recently adopted a cat - might think about adding rabbits on down the road.
• I'm an ACOA, perimenopausal member of Al-Anon. :-) Now 14 months into the program. I have lots of "qualifiers" (don't know if you use that term) but my relationship with my mom is what brought me into the rooms. She is almost certainly borderline personality disorder and medicated herself heavily with alcohol and some drugs throughout my childhood. Generally, a pretty crap, dysfunctional childhood. Still, in my case, there is real love shared amongst the members of my family of origin. It just all somehow got horribly screwed up.

So, mostly just "hello" and I wish you well in your recovery. I "envy" your spontaneous laughter. I get one every once in a while, which is lovely. But, the fact that I can even do the forced (I-know-this-is-funny-and-I-used-to-laugh-at-this-kind-of-thing-so-I-will-"laugh"-now) laughing response is an improvement from where I was about a year ago - unable to experience any light at all.

 

I am so grateful for my program, and now this community.

 

Wishing you serenity in this moment.

MLRP

Sorry I did not respond earlier - been working out a lot. Probably too much - in an effort to lose the weight that crept up since I quit Vyvanse! 

 

We have much in common! Yes, we use qualifier terminology. Maybe we have the same mother    - mine seems BPD though I vex at the notion of learned helplessness and being an ACOA herself as the basis of her issues. Went down the line touching each of the 7 kids in some way or another in ACOA fashion. As I move through the program (sometimes weary from it - yet more weary if I do not), I realize how much depression, GAD & PAs I have in common with other ACOAs - leading me to conclude that BDP assigned to many alcoholic mothers is more a profile than a DSM DX. I believe I am not doomed to a life of "how the hell did I get so screwed there is no help for my brain."

 

At least now in tapering, I have the usual windows and waves at a more gradual rate than when I CTd from Paxil and lost what was left of my grey matter

 

I find I must be discerning in slow taper w symptoms related to withdrawal as they come on more insidiously and creepily instead of being slammed upon me as in CT. The net effect is still the same - a large pile of crap - but  pile nonetheless and a quicker restoration to stability than w CT

 

I notice the OCD is a symptom of WD for  me. It starts out a little on the naggy side and then amplifies. I look at it and wonder - hmm - is this a symptom or just a blip? Its tough to tell in tapering V CT wd. (for me). Before I realize it is a wd in those cases, I am being kicked off balance and panic. SO I am trying to be more proactive and pay attn - adjusting as needed. This may mean talking myself through it with what I know to be true about WD and handling panic or adjusting the meds as needed.

 

I had missed my cycle for a few mos which actually seemed to help in my case. Then on day I got a little woe is me and BAM - a cycle. Sheesh. REALLY? 

 

But at least the preamble to my cycle was not that of former PMMD. So YAYE!

 

In other news - gardening a LOT and cring for elderly parents ( ) - started the app process for my Masters degree. FINALLY! Having direction and working through the 12 steps helps the WD/ Need to get back to meditation.

 

My bday is this Friday - I wanted cake (which I don't eat) and a lot of boxes w shiny pink wrap and bows - nothing has to be in them - I just think it looks so promising. Esp if there were a brain in one of them to replace this effexor marinade. 

 

Lots of bunnies exploding all over the place. SO CUTE!!!!!

[NewMe]

crash and burn after bad family phone call - not wanting to turn to meds as a way to cope to get through this. Any tips - In tears. Devastated - 

[mammaP]

Sorry you are having to cope with devastating news, whatever it is all I can say is hang on tight,

cry if you need to and talk to someone you can trust. Talking and crying are very healing. Do 

you have any family to share the emotions with?  You are right not to want to turn to meds, that

would be a recipe for disaster! 

 

Take a look here to see tips for coping with emotional problems. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

You are doing great and I hope this doesn't set you back, hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. 

[NewMe]

Hi Mamma P

 

Thank you for the reply - I did as you suggested. Was rough for a bit. Working through it. 

 

Getting  bit of nausea recently w tapering - some crappy lethargic dontwannadochit attitude. The nausea is not overbearing - kind of like heartburn in evening rather than sheer ct barfy feeling of times past.

 

Anxiety today just a bit - not much sleep last wk. Tends to push me into anxiety. 

 

Family issues do not help a whole lot. 

 

Mamma P - no there is no one in my fam I can speak to - they are elderly and very narcissistic when it comes to having to share focus on someone other than themselves. Going to al anon helps (though I am not an alc). I live w one and it is tolerable w the 12 step program.

 

Having to taper my elderly mom off klon. as her memory is awful - her Dr suggested every other day for two wks then nothing. Sweet JEEEZUS. Even a small cut caused dizziness for her. I remember going through benzo wd and it was verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry tough on me. She got through it though - w a smaller adjustment. 

 

Dr suggested she take tramadol w her reg dose of cymbalta - geeze - did we not say she needed to get off these numerous meds? Poor mom.I don't know anything about Tramadol. Arg

 

I wonder how it is the last few mg/s causes so much wd for some. I wish they had tapering for dummies - I could be the poster child. 

 

Trying to address weight gain - never had a wt prob until recently. If it's not one thing ---------------------------- its my mother

[Petunia]

Hi NewMe,

I just caught up with your last few posts, I'm sorry you are having a rough time at the moment.  My parents are also 'elderly', it can certainly add to the stress levels.

 

Please be very cautious about Tramadol for your Mom here is the drugs.com information about it:

 

http://www.drugs.com/tramadol.html

 

There is a major interaction between tramadol and cymbalta

 

http://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=2221-0,949-2273

 

tramadol ↔ duloxetine

Applies to: tramadol, Cymbalta (duloxetine)

Talk to your doctor before using traMADol together with DULoxetine. Combining these medications can increase the risk of a rare but serious condition called the serotonin syndrome, which may include symptoms such as confusion, hallucination, seizure, extreme changes in blood pressure, increased heart rate, fever, excessive sweating, blurred vision, muscle spasm or stiffness, tremor, stomach cramp, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe cases may result in coma and even death. You should contact your doctor immediately if you experience these symptoms while taking the medications. Using traMADol with DULoxetine may also increase the risk of seizures not related to the serotonin syndrome. The interaction may be more likely if you are elderly, undergoing alcohol or drug withdrawal, have a history of seizures, or have a condition affecting the central nervous system such as a brain tumor or head trauma. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

 

Petu.

 

 

[NewMe]

Petu

 

Good day - late to reply! TY for the info. My mom is not going to be taking tramadol. 

 

She is confused about klonopin cuts and cannot grasp the idea of slowwwwwwwww taper. I have to explain over and over.

 

My taper is okay - a couple of zappers today but otherwise steady. I am holding now as I made sig cuts for my usual. Money running low - can't get rx help

 

And so it goes....but it goes well

 

Been in al anon 7 mos and its helping. Mom went to her first AA mtg at 85 yest. YAYE!!!!!!!

 

Hope all are well. Its not easy - but its worth the effort. Thnks to this community

[Altostrata]

You're welcome, NewMe.

 

How are you using 12-stepping in your recovery from withdrawal syndrome?

[NewMe]

Alto - Happy fourth to you.

 

Thank you for this question. Interesting, because I really thought bout this today before I even read your post. Being acute symptom-free right now, I am able not to imagine you were in my head reading my thoughts this morning. Ok - bad joke. But true nonetheless.

 

My mother was an alcoholic before I was born. My father was often absent due to being a workaholic. When he was home, he hyper focused on my mother's meltdowns - she became powerless over alcohol as time went on - unhealthy communication skills and so on.

 

8 kids - 2 handicapped. 

 

Not much attention for  small kid - unless I was sick and then she was great. I learned to be sick to get her off my butt, for love - for her time. I hated being sick - but she did it and cultivated it in each of us. 

 

GAD as small kid. 1st panic attack in conjunction w my first migraine in 7th grade. 

 

Left home w a raging alcoholic, scapegoated to take the focus off family dysfunction from birth on. 

 

IN Al anon - I learned I missed out on being a child. I did not know how to have fun - felt guilty for having any sort of fun or happiness as mom would wipe that smile off our faces. We were told we had no right to shine when there was work to be done. I became the problem so everyone had a go to person to beat up on. To confront my mothers alcoholism and horrid dysfunction between dad and her - was met with totalitarian denial and rage. Unquestioning rage and fury to put unheard children in their place.

 

We lived from one chaotic event to the next. Peace was not part of the program - it was more like the quiet before the storm...rather 'recharging' for the next assault.

 

In alcoholic families, there are roles. Mine was scapegoat as I mentioned. I always suspected it, but was always put in my place when I tried to say how I felt. My place was under their control. 

 

FFWD - 

 

Depression. Married w kids. Again - married my dad essentially. Denial was not his first name but can be if you word scramble the letters. Not kidding. LOL - well it is funny kind of. 

 

I kept saying something was wrong but neither he nor my mom would face it. I was just a young mom in need of vacation. By that point I had some adrenaline surges just short of full blown seizure like panic attack. 

 

After siblings went through depressions and meds in kind, I realized something was fundamentally wrong with how I was raised (YA THINK?) and the roots of my own dysfunction ran deep, 

 

In dealing w my past and present - Al anon helped me realize the tenant of step one is critical in being hopeful. We were powerless over alcohol. In the same way I am powerless over what the SSRis have done to my brain, I am not in control of the side effects of withdrawal. This does not mean I do not have to be proactive. In fact, just the opposite. I have to take steps to understand that the side effects are not who I am. That it is not my fault I am going through this. That blaming pharma and Drs does me no good, but adds to my wd symptoms which are tough enough.

 

I have learned to listen to others who have gone before me such as yourself, and ACTIVELY hear what is being offered to help myself. Instead of constant symptom checking and looking towards outside reassurance on a constant basis - I am learning to focus on myself and self soothe. Taking the scared child-like fear and becoming  parent to myself to the best of my ability on any given day.

 

I have made amends where possible. 

 

I accept that I am where I am and it has to be enough today.

 

I have learned to live mindfully as best I can and keep telling myself to move through this no matter how uncomfortable I am. 

 

I am counting progress instead of failures and reminding myself I am good enough just for today. I am not promised tomorrow and to live this moment as best I can with what I have.

 

Having hope is not the same as placing worry on myself about how my recovery will go. Predicting is not healthy but planning for reasonable with back up strategies maximizes my potential to heal. 

 

I open up to others and see I am not alone though I may feel like it at times. I reach out with messages of hope to others and in that see that message spread to others to uplift people instead of beating them down.

 

I realize I have to accept what I can. And courage to change what I can to improve myself. 

 

And wisdom. Yes wisdom. It is the parent I enjoy spending time with.

[NewMe]

I would like to add this. It was nice to discover...

 

A few days ago I mentioned having zaps. They got worse overnight and I woke up confused and took a few beads more of the effexor.

 

I felt down the next day like I cut too much. Stinkin thinkin.

 

UNTIL - I found the reduced bead pill I thought I had taken but had dropped in my hurry that morning. I had actually missed a dose. 

 

OH HAPPY DAY.

 

So it was not the cut at all but a missed dose. 

 

onward. 

[Altostrata]

Those are wonderful insights, NewMe. Would you start a topic in Symptoms and share them with the community? More people will see them there.

 

Good to hear you figured out what the problem was. This situation requires us to be very, very present and careful!

[NewMe]

Sure Alto - Is it ok to post this in this thread? Not always sure I am following the guidelines; things get fuzzy at times in recovery.

 

By symptoms do you mean including the al anon and acoa steps and how 12 step helped as pertains to w/d? Or the dropped pill that sent me into wd?

[NewMe]

Last wkend I had some crap GAD and near panic.   Some of it is situational and most pertains to hormonal shift/s in perimenopause and split cycles. As in 2 per month. I started PMDD later in life. 

 

Made it through. A bit of (ok a lot of) lack of interest in doing socializing.   Some of that is monetary and my current living situation combined w trust issues. Working on trust issues in ACOA. Tough stuff. Not in love with the process itself, but grateful for the insight.  Effexor managed to numb out those insights I needed to process. Now I am moving through them and it is blocking at times. By blocking I mean: it used to be enough to know what was causing me distress and I felt a sense of relief. Now when I recognize the etiology of psychological discourse, I sit there and stare at it and do not reach for an AHA moment....rather, I allow myself some acceptance time to sit with the root cause. I can now say, Well, I am blocking and not sure what to do with this feeling. YOU MEAN - I don't have all the answers???? That could send me into snowball of a psych turd-storm.

 

 After recognizing issue roots while on effexor, I should have been working towards a plan to resolve them.  I was not really doing consistent  emotional work needed when I was in therapy yrs ago. It was mostly about med management and the lack of involvement by (now) ex spouse when in therapy. By consistent I mean, crisis of prolonged nature forced me into doing the work. The drive to get and work at improving has not always been paramount unless I was in emotional trouble. Let's face it, that intensity can burn  person out. I have to relearn what I should have learned as a kid. And now that effexor is not my GO TO "assist" like it once was, I have to turn to myself for being the adult to sort this all out. I can now see why going cold turkey is such a shock emotionally as the numbing effect is peeled back and the neurons reset. The physiological symptoms from ct wd are intense enough - all the emotions of yrs past come rushing back and overwhelm. So taking it one day at a time and trusting myself to get through this is  a process. I am grateful for the 12 step program and my recovery come what may. 

 

Hugs and prayers to all. 

[bubble]

Hi NewMe,

 

I like the way you are fighting this battle and wish you every success.

 

I so liked what you wrote in respons eto Alto's questions on AA and sharing the way you deal with what I call hurtful family legacy that I chose it for the Best of SA and posted it there.

 

I coudl relate to many things and found it very helpful. A lot of us come from very similar backgrounds which are actually the root of our issues.

 

big hug,

 

bubble

[tezza]

Hi NewMe, a belated welcome! I feel so bad for your mom! Bless her heart, this is tough for any age, she probably can't understand what is happening to her.

 

I just wanted to read your thread and say hello and thank you for posting in my thread.

 

Hugs and healing to both you and your mom!

[NewMe]

Hi NewMe,

 

I like the way you are fighting this battle and wish you every success.

 

I so liked what you wrote in respons eto Alto's questions on AA and sharing the way you deal with what I call hurtful family legacy that I chose it for the Best of SA and posted it there.

 

I coudl relate to many things and found it very helpful. A lot of us come from very similar backgrounds which are actually the root of our issues.

 

big hug,

 

bubble

Hi Bubble - how is your summer going thus far? Nice to see you again! 

 

Well I must certainly curtsy for your commendation on AA. It truly has made me focus on my issues that led me to SSRIs and Benzo hell. My mom at 85 has begun attending meetings and healing is starting between us as well. I am grateful for it. She is polymedicated on klonopin and cymbalta - common to do to the elderly. Drinking has caused a lot of her depression. She is tapering off the benzo now and doing very well. Once that is done, we move to a very slow drip taper on cymbalta. Her MD is concerned about the ssri as she says it assists with pain. I have no idea regarding that notion - but if it is anything like the multitude of SSRIs I have been on, she is anesthetized and deserves better. So bassackwards we go! To AA to help her heal on all levels. It's hard work but better than getting to the bottom of a bottle of ssris and alcohol for answers.

 

It is a battle  - isn't it? Some days harder than the others. I accept it and try to roll with it best I can. I try to change my stinkin thinkin that has become part of my anesthetization through polypharma and Doctors. If I had known then bout AA and working on my issues instead of numbing them - ah well. This is my lot and I have to be in charge of me. First time for everything and waking up to some hard,cold facts is what I need and have needed to do.

 

Yrs ago my p doc told me I do have to try. I thought I was and at the time had no idea what was happening to me. Now I know - in a long round about way through no fault of my own. But now that I know I am transitioning to accepting what I must face and reconcile in my recovery to do my part. It aint easy! For any of us - but the light t the end of this tunnel is one of HOPE for each and every one of us if we stick together in support and encouragement. 

[NewMe]

Hi NewMe, a belated welcome! I feel so bad for your mom! Bless her heart, this is tough for any age, she probably can't understand what is happening to her.

 

I just wanted to read your thread and say hello and thank you for posting in my thread.

 

Hugs and healing to both you and your mom!

Tezza

 

Hey there!

 

I felt sorry for her all these yrs as well as angry because it left me depressed, anxious and afraid in life. Ill prepared to say the least. But what is done is done and you are right - she has little acceptance of what has happened to her. It was difficult to tell her she needs help as it has only been met with my dad and siblings enabling her and denying it - in front of her but behind closed doors they lamented over it. As she wakes up her astonishment at what she has been missing is hard to watch. I try to be gentle and allow her to figure this out a bit at a time. Coming off benzos alone is a tough feat for anyone. She stayed numb though my sister passing away from cancer last yr and has yet to process that - so we have our work cut out for us. 

 

I was at wits end and was picking up to tear out of her life once and for all  when she asked if there was anything she could do to get me to stay. I said yes. Get into the program or I will leave. She said okay. The day of the meeting she tried to go somewhere w my dad instead - he was waiting on her. She does forget a lot for sure and was not deliberate - she was afraid to upset him and not go with him to his outing...I was unsure what to do but being in al non helped me do the next right thing...which was to say that I understood and accepted her answer but that I would be gone when she returned. And I meant for good. 

 

She found the courage to tell my dad she had plans with me and she went with me. 5 mtgs in one wk.! Power of the program at work. I held my bottom line. No netting!

 

Its not easy - it is sad to see her wake up - more bittersweet than anything. As we all know coming off SSRIs, the veil of skin covering our vision begins to lift and it can be overwhelming to see all we missed under the numbing of RX. That's why I appreciate a slow taper - handling the emotions that overwhelm me one day at a time instead of panicking and losing my sht. But addressing my own part in this dance is a proactive and essential part in recovering from this medication. I have to tAke responsibility for every feeling as it comes and handle it as best I can without beating myself up. Its ok though - it has to be. I have been asleep far too long. 

 

Much peace to you Tezza!

[Petunia]

Hi NewMe,

I just caught up on your last few posts.  Thank you for being so open with sharing your experiences.  I so admire you for how you are dealing with the challenging circumstances life has given you.  Your strength and willingness to face reality is inspiring.

 

Petu.

[NewMe]

Hi NewMe,

I just caught up on your last few posts.  Thank you for being so open with sharing your experiences.  I so admire you for how you are dealing with the challenging circumstances life has given you.  Your strength and willingness to face reality is inspiring.

 

Petu.

Hey there, Petu! I love your little snake and apple counter - I followed the link to grab a ticker but have little experience getting those things to work! 

 

I felt so weirdly good a few times this past week that I became worried - lmao. I mean, I get the panic stuff at times. My main worry is that once off effexor (hoping at least one day), the extreme panic (which for me, is seizure-like) may return. That is how I came to be medicated. Always has GAD and worry which got worse with time. Growing up in an alcoholic family is likely the root cause. So many here share separation anxieties and family dysfunction it makes me think I can unlearn reactions to panic and thereby decrease them. 

 

I got a full blown helium head attack in my 30s and it did not stop until I went to 3 ERs and was given ativan by a dr to get me a bit of a break - and then paxil - but it was so far along and I was psychotic due to lack of sleep and my symptoms were not improving. 

 

To be honest, I never want to go there again in my head. Even thinking about it makes me uneasy at my core. It is a hell I would not wish on anyone. 

 

I had no idea a person could ever experience such places of the mind. It was - well - mind blowing.

 

So here I am now - and when I get a bit of anxiety it is usually tied to wd symptoms. I hope that my depression from the initial anxiety abates and as I find new coping mechanisms and new behaviors, I will rehab myself - so that I can recover fully as a better person who is able to be responsible for her feelings and behaviors. I feel the root cause lies at the childhood traumas. If not - I have to revisit the idea of this being innate. Hard to know what dr to trust when they push ssris and benzos and chemical imbalance theories. 

 

I guess in a nutshell - I am concerned that I may slide off the wd slope and end up in a muck I cannot bail myself out of. SO I am moving slowly as I go broke from paying for brand. Generics cause awful wd. Odd, I know.

 

It is interesting you mention dexi hot and cold flashes. I had that with vyvnse wd. Drs and Pharma said I could quit CT and never have such a symptom. LIE. 

 

Anyways - I hope you are well and continually improve. My prayers go out to you as well as all those experiencing this road. I will say that on the whole, it creates a more mindful and supportive lot of community. Thank you everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NewMe]

I had major depression prior to being put on an sri (paxil) for the first time. Most of it was brought on by helium headed panic attacks that had grown from GAD since childhood. 

 

With therapy, slow tapering and the 12 step program to change my turd like thinking, is it likely I would end up bananas with clinical depression like before? Honestly, that is my concern - I would like to hear from others who had this similar exp

 

I have learned  many coping tools and sorted out quite a lot of what led me to depression - and will continue to do so. SSRIs at times had left me suicidal (IMHO). Sometimes I felt "level" on them. Sometimes, not so much. I still had a lot of depression on paxil and the dr added depakote which flatlined me and turned me into a veloceraptor in search of a 24/7 food buffet. I got off that icky drug yrs ago.  

 

I realize reinstating/starting up an ssri again once tapered off  would be difficult should I end up clinically depressed and out of my logical mind - or so I believe I have read this on the board. Correct me if I am wrong, please. 

 

I truly do not want to project or guess at the future - rather, an educated calculation based on what we know of others who have had this same exp. 

 

So far, I am doing very well holding at -34 beads. Working hard at 12 step and being responsible for my own recovery both from ssri and as an acoa. 

 

I felt level again in acoa and al anon and decided to taper again, this time with the support and advice of this group. I would say the difference in wanting to come off them this time is due to participating in 12 step and addressing the behavioral tools I had not learned growing up. Despite some very tough life issues, I am finding peace in the 12 step program.  I was interested in tapering when level and addressing my core issues. Not  tapering alone for the sake of tapering. I would say this time the focus on changing crap thinking habits are what may make my taper a lt success. I hope. 

 

I really appreciate all of you here - such a supportive and kind community. Alto - you are the bees knees. 

[NewMe]

buehller -----

[Petunia]

 - I followed the link to grab a ticker but have little experience getting those things to work! 

 

 

No experience needed, it was straight forward. You choose what you want to set it up and then you get a code to copy and paste as a line in your signature.

 

I realize reinstating/starting up an ssri again once tapered off  would be difficult should I end up clinically depressed and out of my logical mind - or so I believe I have read this on the board. Correct me if I am wrong, please. 

 

 

Some people do manage to stop and start again, I've read in introductions where someone has taken an antidepressant in the past and then stopped without problems, then later started again on the same one, or a different kind, but then when they try to come off a second time, that's when the problems start.  Everyone is different though, so its impossible to predict.  It does seem to be that once a person experiences a sensitized nervous system from either an adverse reaction or difficult withdrawal, then taking psychoactive substances in the future tends to cause a return of symptoms.

 

From reading your posts, it sounds like antidepressants haven't helped much anyway and that its been therapy and 12 step which have benefited you more.  For me, antidepressants caused depression.  I started on them for anxiety, but within weeks, I was experiencing depression like I'd never felt before, life felt completely empty, pointless and meaningless, I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything, it lasted months, I had no idea it was the drugs.

 

I think you will be fine now, just keep your tapering slow and careful and hold if symptoms increase.

[mlrp]

Hi, NewMe,

 

Just a quick hello from sporadic-poster me. I'm going to take time to catch up on your thread more fully, but I wanted to say howdy and wish you a happy, peaceful day.

 

I've exchanged a couple of posts with new member Bongo, and this has helped me (again) realize how complementary SA is to my AlAnon recovery. I'm starting to think that it is a recovery tool that I should reach for more often. You are clearly making it work for you, and that is inspiring!

 

Plus, you are having FUN (whenever possible), and I love that!

[Altostrata]

I would very much like to see further discussion of the Al Anon-recovery connection -- maybe in the Symptoms or Finding Meaning forums?

[NewMe]

 

 - I followed the link to grab a ticker but have little experience getting those things to work! 

 

 

No experience needed, it was straight forward. You choose what you want to set it up and then you get a code to copy and paste as a line in your signature.

 

I realize reinstating/starting up an ssri again once tapered off  would be difficult should I end up clinically depressed and out of my logical mind - or so I believe I have read this on the board. Correct me if I am wrong, please. 

 

 

Some people do manage to stop and start again, I've read in introductions where someone has taken an antidepressant in the past and then stopped without problems, then later started again on the same one, or a different kind, but then when they try to come off a second time, that's when the problems start.  Everyone is different though, so its impossible to predict.  It does seem to be that once a person experiences a sensitized nervous system from either an adverse reaction or difficult withdrawal, then taking psychoactive substances in the future tends to cause a return of symptoms.

 

From reading your posts, it sounds like antidepressants haven't helped much anyway and that its been therapy and 12 step which have benefited you more.  For me, antidepressants caused depression.  I started on them for anxiety, but within weeks, I was experiencing depression like I'd never felt before, life felt completely empty, pointless and meaningless, I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything, it lasted months, I had no idea it was the drugs.

 

I think you will be fine now, just keep your tapering slow and careful and hold if symptoms increase.

 

Hi there Petu

 

I gave up on the ticker....straight forward is not one of my computations. LOL

 

The 12 step helps me manage and process the trauma of my experiences in living with a severely ill family. 

 

The depression tends to run in my fam...as you stated, in my case as well, the ADS eventually worsened my depression and to suicidal proportions. 

 

After years of numbing the brain to leave theses traumas unprocessed, the CT wd ripped open the neatly packaged anti depressant brain and left me like a newborn adult - but rawly so. 

 

Hope you are well

[NewMe]

Hi, NewMe,

 

Just a quick hello from sporadic-poster me. I'm going to take time to catch up on your thread more fully, but I wanted to say howdy and wish you a happy, peaceful day.

 

I've exchanged a couple of posts with new member Bongo, and this has helped me (again) realize how complementary SA is to my AlAnon recovery. I'm starting to think that it is a recovery tool that I should reach for more often. You are clearly making it work for you, and that is inspiring!

 

Plus, you are having FUN (whenever possible), and I love that!

MLRP

 

Hello sporadica! And a peaceful day to you as well!

 

As they say - it works if you work it so work it you're worth it!!!!

 

Some days the dragon wins - but not entirely! In those moments I accept it and let go of assigning it any judgement. 

 

Honestly - I go to the mtgs 2-3 times each wk. It really provides a sense of structure and focus that I missed out on and necessary to be a present and clear thinking adult. 

 

Have a blessed day!

[NewMe]

I would very much like to see further discussion of the Al Anon-recovery connection -- maybe in the Symptoms or Finding Meaning forums?

Hey There, Alto.

 

I thought I did post about that in another thread. Lots going on in life so it is possible I dreamed it. 

 

Will look into it.

[Altostrata]

Thanks. NewMe.

[bubble]

Hello NewMe,

 

I put your post on AA in Best of SA. Some time ago I saw that mlrp also beautifully described her experience with AA somewhere, maybe in a new thread...

 

So now we have to find them, put them together and continue the discussion;)

 

hugs

[mlrp]

Technically, I am a member of AlAnon, the 12-Step program that is closely aligned with AA, which is Alcoholics Anonymous. It's all kind of alphabet soup at first.

 

I agree that the posts should be merged and the discussion continued! I keep meaning to post more "shares," but haven't yet. It's on my "to do," list.

 

My thread is titled "Twelve Step Recovery & Surviving Antidepressants." Merge away!

[NewMe]

Hello NewMe,

 

I put your post on AA in Best of SA. Some time ago I saw that mlrp also beautifully described her experience with AA somewhere, maybe in a new thread...

 

So now we have to find them, put them together and continue the discussion;)

 

hugs

Oh thank you! I am geographically challenged - esp on the internet. Don't give me a paper bag, not to good at finding my way out of those, either. I would likely use it for hyperventilation purposes. 

 

Merging makes me happy. Merging on. 

[NewMe]

In other news:

 

I was interviewing on the phone for a REAL ft job 3 hours from me. They called 3 wks later - one day before I was to go interview - to tell me the job is on a PT basis for now unless the dept funds it for ft. Certainly they could have told me this in the 3 wk time frame well before the day I was leaving to drive there. I was devastated. 

 

ANywahoo - I did get the per diem position bout 1/2 hour (no traffic days) in the city. I start soon. 

 

The social anxiety I developed over this RX wd as well as losing my marriage and home had done me no favors. I have to amp up and talk myself down from the ledge of fear before interviews now...its been a long rd since I closed my bus. and was unable to find work.

 

I also am applying for my MA program. EEK. Plans to start in fall got scrambled.

 

OK so the 12 step prog helps me get out of my self defeating tendency of habit. Between the rx and the way I was raised it is not as easy as it seems. But what other more important thing have I got to spend my life on?

 

I have my days for sure - but I am doing my best. And that is a hell of a lot more than I did when I tried CT all those months. As far as peri meno goes - I feel much of my on/off moods (which are not as severe now) seem to fluctuate as I hurtle towards menopause. (Throws confetti). No cycle for a few mos. Been doing this weirdness for the last year or so. But hey, less money goes to feminine products -means more goes to ice cream and cookies. 

 

I do not know how this will play out in the taper and it's affect on my depression and panic. I have found help w the suggestions of D3, fish oil and magnesium. Those are my go to for extra help. I tried glucosamine but it ALWAYS results in panic for me. I hope my joints will forgive me. Based on the creaking noise, I kinda sorta doubt that. Any suggestions for creaky joints outside of gluco. please advise. 

 

I am running a 5 k this wkend. I have no idea why. But I am taking my fat a$$ with me. 

 

Hope all are doing ok. 

 

Keep pushin!