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Janek: My horrendous story


janek

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Hello everybody,

It's been a long and disastrous journey again since I last checked in here. Was getting worse and worse till became a real danger to myself. Before that was started on Lamictal with a new pdoc titrating up from 12.5. Didn't seem to work, had no choice as to go to the hospital again to save my life. They administered Zyprexa - had no idea how dangerous this drug is - once again jeopardized myself, but I was in their hands and basically couldn't withstand the pressure, Lexapro (which I was able to dodge somehow), continued on raising Lamictal dosage up to 75mg, stopped Remeron at once despite my plead to do it at a slower pace. I spent almost two weeks at the hospital, then per my request was transfered  to a residential mental facility - very good program except no understanding of withdrawal problems on the part of their psychiatrist who decided that I needed Prozac instead. Again, I had to cheat on taking Prozac but left Zyprexa out of my sight though trying to reduce the dosage from 10mg to 5. They also upped Lamictal to 100mg and I developed (it's not certain but there was no reason for that) exacerbation of my asthma and allergic rhinitis to the degree that have gotten completely congested and coughing non-stop (my regular medications didn't help). Here I am, back from the program, cut on Lamictal (75 mg with my doc consent due to being a possible cause of allergies worsening) and carelessly (without researching on line) stopping Zyprexa  literally CT (just having been a couple of days on 2.5). On top of that my allergic symptoms gave a way to severe infection, asthma and rhinitis is totally out of control despite applying a maximum dose of meds. My depression is again borderline suicidal, probably b/c of WD from Zyprexa what I realized later. Taking Ativan PRN to dull an acuity of unbearable depression and Ambien for sleep. Hesitate about reinstating Zyprexa (I have been on it for about 5-6 weeks) and if go for it - at what dose to start? I'd appreciate any suggestions.

2005-2011 - Cymbalta (40 mg)
2011, summer - started tapering skipping days, symptoms began in August-September
March 2012 - stopped cymbalta, symptoms got unbearable right away
April - May 2012 - started on Prozac(10-20mg) to ease the symptoms, stopped in 4 weeks
The rest of the year continued to suffer tremendously, spiraling down, acquiring more and more symptoms.

Tried different anternative modalities: acupuncture, supplements, hyperbaric oxygenation, even medical marijuana

2013 - 3 hospitalizations (January, April and July), had gone through a partial hospitalization program, undergone ECT (31 sessions)

April 2013 - started a combination of drugs - Remeron (30mg), Klonopin, Buspar, Risperdal (don't remember dosages)

August 2013 - returned to Cymbalta (60mg)

October - December 2013 - tapered down Risperdal, Buspar, Klonopin

January - present - trying to get off of Cymbalta and Remeron - unsuccessfully (now down to 7.5mg of each)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Jane, it is impossible for us to answer your question. You've been on and off so many drugs since you first began visiting this forum, and that was even before the crazy merry-go-round of drugs you have described above. It's impossible at this point to say what's causing your current symptoms, your brain has been in and out and in and out of the blender now for years.

 

I'm sorry, but your situation is far beyond my expertise or anyone's here on this board. 

 

We can offer you support and the suggestions in our Symptoms and Self-Care section.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Administrator

Jane, as you know, we advise jumping around on drugs. It looks like you're still looking for medicine to fix you up right away. We've also warned about that.

 

We've also told you repeatedly we cannot recommend drugs to treat your symptoms.

 

Clearly, you've survived all your bad drug experiences before, you do not need to push the panic button and go to the hospital for more drugs. You might focus on taking care of yourself instead of pursuing medical solutions, as you can see they haven't worked for you.

 

Rhi is correct, there's nothing anyone on this forum or in the medical profession can do to fix you. You need to do it yourself. It will take time. Please follow Rhi's instructions and visit the Symptoms and Self-care forum.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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My situation is different now. I did feel better while at the hospital and residential program but don't  what was behind - either Lamictal, or Zyprexa, or just another window (which I doubt b/c I hadn't had windows for many months before).  I rushed to the hospital not looking for a new medication or "quick fix" but for safety reason. Now I am stuck with Zyprexa - severe withdrawal (didn't know it's so addictive in terms of discontinuation even after a short time use - I stayed on it for 5 weeks). I couldn't be more non-compliant at the hospital - had to take at least something they prescribe, I erroneously thought: if I take Zyprexa for a few weeks, nothing would happen - I was so wrong. Alto, Lamictal was prescribed by Dr.Prey - his favorite as you know.

2005-2011 - Cymbalta (40 mg)
2011, summer - started tapering skipping days, symptoms began in August-September
March 2012 - stopped cymbalta, symptoms got unbearable right away
April - May 2012 - started on Prozac(10-20mg) to ease the symptoms, stopped in 4 weeks
The rest of the year continued to suffer tremendously, spiraling down, acquiring more and more symptoms.

Tried different anternative modalities: acupuncture, supplements, hyperbaric oxygenation, even medical marijuana

2013 - 3 hospitalizations (January, April and July), had gone through a partial hospitalization program, undergone ECT (31 sessions)

April 2013 - started a combination of drugs - Remeron (30mg), Klonopin, Buspar, Risperdal (don't remember dosages)

August 2013 - returned to Cymbalta (60mg)

October - December 2013 - tapered down Risperdal, Buspar, Klonopin

January - present - trying to get off of Cymbalta and Remeron - unsuccessfully (now down to 7.5mg of each)

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  • Administrator

Sorry, Jane, I cannot tell you what to do. I've done my best to point you in the right direction via e-mail, phone, and now here. I can't do anything else.

 

One thing that is clear from your record above: You never stick with anything long, even if you feel better. You refuse to understand your nervous system needs stability -- not for a few weeks, for years. That means stop jumping around.

 

You'll have to figure out for yourself what to do next.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

My situation is different now. I did feel better while at the hospital and residential program but don't  what was behind - either Lamictal, or Zyprexa, or just another window.....

Hi Jane,

Perhaps the reason you felt better had nothing to do with drugs, but because you were surrounded by people who were taking care of you, maybe it made you feel safer and more relaxed.

 

I'm sorry you got to the point where you needed to go to hospital for your own safety, as everyone here knows, that usually results in more drugs, but if your life depended on it, then its what you have to do.  Unfortunately, its made your situation regarding drugs even more complex than it already was and there is no possible way for anyone to know, or even guess what effects any substances might have on you.

 

There is nothing new anyone can tell you.  But you could read back through your thread, read through the various tapering threads related to the drugs you are taking, read all the topics pinned at the top of the tapering thread and learn as much as you can about what is already known.  Then make a decision about what to do for yourself.

 

We can support you in your own decisions and offer encouragement for non-drug ways to manage your symptoms, do let us know what you decide.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Thank you, Petu, for your thoughtful response. You are absolutely right about an almost "magical" influence of safe and caring environment especially when you are so fragile and full of fear. It's hard to overestimate. But the high cost of that, as you've noticed, is new meds added to the cocktail. I've tried by any means to avoid introducing new drugs but could achieve that only partially. I thought that it's going to be only a few weeks and once I am out - I'd quit right away. I am always on the alert - the longer I stay on the drug, the more problematic it'd be to stop it. Unfortunately, I fell in that trap again - didn't know how dangerous Zyprexa is. Looks like I developed dependency almost right away. I now figured that it's a kind of benzo (thienobenzodiazepine). I thought it belongs to the class of neuroleptics similar to seroquel which I was able to get rid off without a major problem. Not the case. I've read a lot on this site and realized that everybody's situation is unique. Obviously, I need to reinstate Zyprexa, I already started at 2.5 mg, so far - no result. I appreciate all the support here.

2005-2011 - Cymbalta (40 mg)
2011, summer - started tapering skipping days, symptoms began in August-September
March 2012 - stopped cymbalta, symptoms got unbearable right away
April - May 2012 - started on Prozac(10-20mg) to ease the symptoms, stopped in 4 weeks
The rest of the year continued to suffer tremendously, spiraling down, acquiring more and more symptoms.

Tried different anternative modalities: acupuncture, supplements, hyperbaric oxygenation, even medical marijuana

2013 - 3 hospitalizations (January, April and July), had gone through a partial hospitalization program, undergone ECT (31 sessions)

April 2013 - started a combination of drugs - Remeron (30mg), Klonopin, Buspar, Risperdal (don't remember dosages)

August 2013 - returned to Cymbalta (60mg)

October - December 2013 - tapered down Risperdal, Buspar, Klonopin

January - present - trying to get off of Cymbalta and Remeron - unsuccessfully (now down to 7.5mg of each)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for letting us know what you decided, it may take a long time before you start to feel better, use the symptoms and self care section to manage as you wait.  Please would you update your signature with your recent changes.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I've tried to edit my signature but it doesn't work - gives me an error message that I exceeded a symbol quota, when I push a "save" button. As I could see some "signatures" are much longer - I probably don't know the trick. After having been tortured for a week - depression sucks - I had no other choice as to raise the dose of Zyprexa again. It's a high cost I am paying for the comfort of being at the hospital - new insidious addiction. It took me a few weeks to get dependent and I don't know how long it will last. One more very sad thing - memory and cognition impairment. Of course, most of it is consequences of ECT but  after beginning of taking Lamictal and Zyprexa the problem got so much worse. Appetite is non-existent. Sleep with Ambien only. I still can't solve this puzzle - has Zyprexa made a difference in how I felt at the hospital or there was no effect, just withdrawal compounded with already existing WD.

2005-2011 - Cymbalta (40 mg)
2011, summer - started tapering skipping days, symptoms began in August-September
March 2012 - stopped cymbalta, symptoms got unbearable right away
April - May 2012 - started on Prozac(10-20mg) to ease the symptoms, stopped in 4 weeks
The rest of the year continued to suffer tremendously, spiraling down, acquiring more and more symptoms.

Tried different anternative modalities: acupuncture, supplements, hyperbaric oxygenation, even medical marijuana

2013 - 3 hospitalizations (January, April and July), had gone through a partial hospitalization program, undergone ECT (31 sessions)

April 2013 - started a combination of drugs - Remeron (30mg), Klonopin, Buspar, Risperdal (don't remember dosages)

August 2013 - returned to Cymbalta (60mg)

October - December 2013 - tapered down Risperdal, Buspar, Klonopin

January - present - trying to get off of Cymbalta and Remeron - unsuccessfully (now down to 7.5mg of each)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Jane,

 

From what I can see you never give anything enough time to work.   Most importantly you never give doing nothing - stabilising on one course of action enough time to work.  In 6 days (not even a week) you have reinstated and then updosed on top of that.   So you have compiled quick fix onto quick fix.   Make no mistake I feel sorry for you but whilst ever you are making those kinds of decisions and framing it as having no choice I can't see how we can be of assistance.

 

I wish you all the best in the future.

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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