☼ Miami1 Stabilizing on mirtazapine

[Miami1]

Thx Muddles;

I'm glad you your done with it.

Benzo WD may be the main issue but I have this feeling the mirtz WD is right up there in tandem. Who knows?

I hope we both don't have much longer too go!

When did u jump?

Hold on M I'm almost 5 months off mirtz and still getting bad depression but it has very slightly eased and changed in frequency.

Hang tight!

[Muddles]

I jumped off about 4 weeks ago. Hitting me now though but was in poop-out and really sick anyway.

 

It will take a while but you are on the way.

 

Really hope you see the light soon.

[tgirl]

How are you doing Miami?

[Miami1]

Hello all.

Still in the thick of it. Extremely rough.

for months at a time I use to get a cycling pattern of one day in bad wave of mostly depression/desperation ,next day a fair to tolerable day. This lasted quite some time.

 

Last couple weeks or maybe a month it's changed. It's now been an every day struggle the last 4-5 days.

 

My sleep is fair to good compared to where it was 4 months ago,4-6 hrs sometimes 7.

I'm waking up every morning to this horrible fear ,emptiness ,dread not believing I'm in this nightmare.

 

I exercise most every morning no matter how bad I feel. My sxs are all psych very little physical.

Last solid window was in sept for a couple days. After that just every other days of one day torture next day fair.

 

I'm working and have been, although not at the level I was over a year ago. I also have to travel for work and that's very stressful.

 

Current sx

Terrifying mornings with fear dread emptiness.

Depression

Overwhelming feeling of desperation

Anxiety

Blah empty

Tinnitus

Looping thoughts of never recovering this mess never ending and getting worse

Crying from either depression or desperation

Mood cycling all over the place

Dizziness although not as consistent

Vulnerable to Any minimal issue, can immediately send me into a tail spin

Despairing when my wife leaves for work in the morn.(being alone)

Thx

[tgirl]

Sorry to hear you are in such a bad wave.

I too am suffering from remeron.

I hope it gets better for you. What mg were you on?

tgirl

[Miami1]

I jumped @ 1mg . Started @ 3.75 mg continuously reduced due to revving after dosage. Total time on , 5 months.

There a huge possibility most of this crazy over the top despair and desperation hopelessness may be benzo/Z drug WD.

[tgirl]

Thank you Miami,

I am having a rought time of it now and I was on 45 for 6 months.

Hope you improve!

[Muddles]

Sorry you're still suffering miami. Its all so despairing isn't it?! Only time can fix it and it will.

 

Thinking of you.

[Miami1]

Thx Muddles, any improvements for you?

[Miami1]

Hi All

 

I'm two weeks from 11 months off the Mitz and 16 months off benzos. Still rough although had two 2 day windows last month but since then it's up and down. Mainly depression despair hopelessness and anxiety all taking their turn on me.

I have had some improvements that come and go. I feel this all is mostly is related to benzos but at this point it doesn't matter.

[bubble]

Hello Miami1, nice to hear from you. I remember when you first came here and how tough things very for you then. Although it's still not easy I'm very happy to see that you are seeing some improvement and there is no doubt there will be more and more of it as the times goes by.

 

Depression, despair, hopelessness and anxiety are not fun at allbut I'm gald you are coping with them. How has your sleep been? 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I was happy to see an update from you but sad that it is not a glowing report of a full recovery (yet!) Too soon for a lot of us, I'm afraid. Your body is busy repairing itself and I do wish that the emotions were the first to change instead of coming at the tail end.

 

But glad to hear you are still hanging in there!

[Miami1]

Hey bubble

&CW

 

my sleep has been pretty good the last 3 months. I was averaging 5-6 hrs. Last 6 weeks sleep has been suffering some. I'm back in that up and down cycle every 1 or 2 days. I'm trying to cope with the gang of depression/despair 3-4 times a week but sometimes feel shell shocked. I always thought I'd be different or just lucky and be healed 6-12 months out. I'm trying so hard to accept these symptoms.

Bubble Hope your hanging on and feeling better

Thx

 

Hey CW.

Yep the PSYCH stuff sucks! Last month things settled down not good all the time but much less intense. I started to feel encouraged and was have good windows lasting most of the day. I thought I had turned the corner, then puff , all gone.

How are u? Hope better

[tgirl]

Hello Miami,

How are you doing?

Hope you are well,

T

[Miami1]

Hi all;

Tomorrow I'll be 28 months off benzos and next month "May" will be 2 years off of remeron. I have come to believe that although I was on remeron for 5months and there is no doubt it's a very nasty drug with an even nastier WD, I truly believe my worse symptoms and it's duration was from the years of benzos.

 

I still have ;

Tinitus

Much lighter in/out anxiety

Mornings are still difficult, terror fear although again much lighter

Occasional depression (much less and much lighter ,passes way faster)

Any stress can still set me back big time

 

 

BETTER ;

Sleep 6-7 hrs average

Able to work without the obsessing about how will I survive the day

Lots of business travel ,I don't freak when the airplane door closes anymore

 

I still get discouraged with the duration of WD and the microscopic improvements but the improvements are there.

 

I can say 2 years ago I would have given up anything and everything to be where I'm at today, although still realizing I have a ways to go.

 

I'll ck in again by years end.

 

Hang on everyone it does improve even when your sure it can't .

[SquirrellyGirl]

Thank you for your update, Miami.  I'm sorry that it is still rough, but at least much better than a year ago!  One day not to far from now I expect you'll be able to write your success story!

 

SG

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I am so glad to see a mostly positive update from you, I remember how rough a time you were having. Yours is one of the stories I follow and like to keep track of.

 

It may very well be true that the majority of your problems stem from long term benzo use. I think of Matt Samet and his long struggle whenever I hear benzos mentioned. He is an author at MadInAmerica, link here: http://www.madinamerica.com/author/msamet/He has a facecrap (fb, pardon) page but as I don't participate, I don't know how often he updates that with his recovery info.

 

So very glad to hear from you!

[AliG]

Miami.    Thanks for the update - appreciated.  I'm sure this will give some here an injection of hope , just when they needed it !  Please keep in touch , and come back to write your success story , when you feel it is time .

Ali

[Muddles]

Wow Miami - blast from the past! So plessed to hear you are doing better. I'm sure your next update will be that of a success story.

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Miami1]

Hello Again to everyone;

my my last post was over a year ago. I am now 43 months off of benzos and 38 months off remeron. Although in very small increments I continue experiencing improvements. I had a bout with prostititus July of last year and was put on antibiotic Ceftin plus I had direct injections to the prostate with cipro. I was on the Ceftin for 24 days and once I had the shot of cipro all hell broke loose. I was back in stage one of WD hell. That lasted maybe 3 months.  I can't even take a half of an Advil without feeling like death is around the corner. I am sensitive to basically everything including some foods. I have not had any alcohol in 4 year nor coffee. Anything MSG is a problem. Also stress no matter how simple can be devastating. 

 

Overall I continue to improve . I may still have another year or 2 to go but can't complain too much specially when there's improvement . My morning are less jittery and sleep is also better. I continue to travel & work my ass off. For me pushing through those mornings and days trying to look and act normal when all I was really constantly thinking and feeling was

(I'll never make it through this ,there's no way) !  For me , working and constantly acting as if I was whole when I really felt like dying, was an effort that I think paid off for me. This way I was too busy faking it at work instead of catastrophizing at home every minute of every day.  So the facts are, I feel better, the doom and gloom ,90% gone even when I get swept up by a wave on occasion.  I'm not over this yet but I now feel this will eventually resolve completely. I would have never felt that way 18 months ago. I'll check in again at some point , hang in there all.

[Survivor1]

Hello Miami1,

 

It is very good to hear from you!  

 

I have recently had to discontinue mirtazepine at 2.4 mg due to serotonin syndrome and have looked to your posts for inspiration that coming off such a dose can be done, albeit with some pain.  Whenever  I am in a wave, like today, I remind myself it is nothing like what you went through, and you stuck it out.  I am glad that healing is continuing to happen for you and wish you the best.

 

By the way, did your tinnitus ever disappear/reduce?

 

Thanks for updating and being a source of inspiration.  All the best.