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The importance of recognizing you're feeling good


Nadia

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1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Thanks, Nadia!

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Great suggestions! Thanks for starting this topic and sharing!

 

RU :)

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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I agree on so many points and have found them helpful myself.  Having this condition makes it hard to not be obsessive with "this condition", but it really serves no good purpose to dwell on it.  Finding distractions and looking for the smallest of positive is so very important!  Healthy eating has made a big difference.  If I eat too much sugar or bad junk, I really notice feeling worse.  Great job Nadia, thanks for the wonderful post! :D

Sept-1990 started my first AD Zoloft never got higher dose than 50mg

Dec-1990 Quit Zoloft  =Nov-1995 Back on Zoloft for Post-partum depression/anxiety

early-1998 Quit Prozac to get pregnant   =Feb-1999 Back on Prozac 20mg

10-1999 Prozac 30mg  =12-1999 Prozac 20mg

7-2001 switch to Wellbutrin SR 100mg

8-2001 increase Wellbutrin SR 150mg

10-2001 adding back Prozac 20mg

5-2003 tapered off Prozac  =7-2003 back on Prozac 20mg

8-2003 Add in Imipramine 25mg then to 50mg    (given Xanax for bad panic episodes

9-2003 Imipramine 75 mg then to 100mg

1-2004 switch to Lexapro 10mg

8-2004 Lexapro 20mg, Imipramine 75mg

4-2006 Adding Wellbutrin 150mg then to 200mg

7-2006 switch Lexapro to Celexa

12-2007Celexa 40mg Wellbutirin 150mg

9-2009 switch back to Lexapro 20mg, WellbutrinXL 150mg

2-2010 stop Lexapro start Celexa 40mg

11-2010 switch Celexa to Cymbalta 60mg

3-2011 Cymbalta 60mg switch to Effexor 37.5 to 75mg

10-2012 thru 12-2012 taper Effexor 75mg to 37.5 and off.

5-2013 start generic Prozac 10mg to 20mg, Trazadone 25mg  BEGIN THE TAPER(6-2013 Prozac 20mg to 10mg, Trazadone 25mg. 7-2013 liquid Prozac 7mg, Trazadone 25mg 8-2013 liquid Prozac 8mg, Trazadone 25mg9-2013 liquid Prozac 5mg, Trazadone 25mg10-31-2013 liquid Prozac 3.25mg, Trazadone 25mg=11-11-2013 liquid Prozac 3.0mg, Trazadone 25mg=12-4-2013 liquid Prozac 2.8mg, Trazadone 25mg=12-13-2013 liquid Prozac 2.5mg, Trazadone 25mg=1-5-2014 liquid Prozac 2.0mg, Trazadone 25mg=(CURRENT/06-01-2014 LAST dose liquid Prozac, Trazadone 25mg)((Aug. 13, 2014 reinstate .20mg of liquid Prozac for crippling anxiety, dread (still on same Trazadone...)supplements are probiotic, Vit. D3 and Fish Oil daily)Aug 19th reinstate 6.25mg Zoloft, Sept. 4th 25mg Zoloft.CURRENT(50mg Zoloft, 25mg Trazadone)

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This is excellent. Thank you, Nadia.

 

Perhaps others can add their own self-soothing tips.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks for the post Nadia! I'm like Meime- I'd love to have a like button to hit!

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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Thanks Nadia for a great list of tools, I will bookmark it so i can look at it again in a few weeks!!

About 18 months ago i did a Jon Kabat-Zinn MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) course which taught me mindfulness meditation. I have found this to be really helpful. There is quite a lot of his work on you tube and there is no right or wrong way to do this meditation, its just about doing it each day. In the worst of the WD when my head is very fogged and feels like a huge pressure is inside, I sit there and all i am aware of is the huge feeling in my head. So I just sit with the huge feeling and make room for it and accept that this is where i am today. It seems to help calm down my system and help me to stop fighting with myself.

March 2012 Fluoxetine 20mg

June 2012 change to Escitalopram 20mg

August 2012 change to Venlafaxine, Effexor XR 150mg

March 2013 add Ropinirole 0.5mg for restless legs syndrome seriously disturbing sleep

Feb 10th 2014 begin tapering off Effexor 150mg by 25% as per Dr.

Feb 19th 2014 Bad headaches..relief in finding SA site.

Feb 20th Increase Effexor to 131.25mg. Head improves over next few days.

March 28th decrease Effexor by 5 % to 125mg. Brain fog + depression after 10 days but passes by.

May 6th decrease Effexor to 118.75mg depression + brain fog lasting 10 days

June4th-112.5mg, July 21st-106mg,August 30th-101mg

2015 - 5% decrease as able, January 2016-50mg + struggling.

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I agree on so many points and have found them helpful myself.  Having this condition makes it hard to not be obsessive with "this condition", but it really serves no good purpose to dwell on it.  Finding distractions and looking for the smallest of positive is so very important!  Healthy eating has made a big difference.  If I eat too much sugar or bad junk, I really notice feeling worse.  Great job Nadia, thanks for the wonderful post! :D

 

So true!! I have become a nutrition nut these past couple of years! Sometimes I laugh at myself because I can't seem to talk about anything else. Eating more protein and a huge variety of vegetables and staying away from sweets has made a huge difference. I think I came alive first through the desire for food... I really started craving bitter greens, for example. I've learned to listen to the "good" impulses... now I feel my body instinctively lets me know if I'm overdoing it with the bad stuff and I start craving things like radishes, celery, arúgula... Along with the thirst for nature I think these were some of my first feel good moments.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Thanks Nadia for a great list of tools, I will bookmark it so i can look at it again in a few weeks!!

About 18 months ago i did a Jon Kabat-Zinn MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) course which taught me mindfulness meditation. I have found this to be really helpful. There is quite a lot of his work on you tube and there is no right or wrong way to do this meditation, its just about doing it each day. In the worst of the WD when my head is very fogged and feels like a huge pressure is inside, I sit there and all i am aware of is the huge feeling in my head. So I just sit with the huge feeling and make room for it and accept that this is where i am today. It seems to help calm down my system and help me to stop fighting with myself.

Yes! I still struggle a lot with meditation. It is only once in a while that I feel actual well-being doing it (Dalsaan's meditation/mindfulness resource is great, by the way), but the whole point is to do it no matter what. The more you practice just sitting with the enormity and chaos of whatever you're going through, the better you get at surviving it on a day to day basis.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Yes it seems to help on some level so I try to fit it into each day. I will look at Dalsaan's resource, thanks.

March 2012 Fluoxetine 20mg

June 2012 change to Escitalopram 20mg

August 2012 change to Venlafaxine, Effexor XR 150mg

March 2013 add Ropinirole 0.5mg for restless legs syndrome seriously disturbing sleep

Feb 10th 2014 begin tapering off Effexor 150mg by 25% as per Dr.

Feb 19th 2014 Bad headaches..relief in finding SA site.

Feb 20th Increase Effexor to 131.25mg. Head improves over next few days.

March 28th decrease Effexor by 5 % to 125mg. Brain fog + depression after 10 days but passes by.

May 6th decrease Effexor to 118.75mg depression + brain fog lasting 10 days

June4th-112.5mg, July 21st-106mg,August 30th-101mg

2015 - 5% decrease as able, January 2016-50mg + struggling.

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I'm having trouble opening link for THE SOCIAL LIFE OF GENES above. Anybody else?

 

This part looks especially interesting:

 

"A few months ago, I came across a fascinating article that talks about the importance of positive social connections to our health. It turns out your body turns genes off and on depending on how you subjectively experience your environment, sometimes even hours after, and this can have a tremendous impact on your physical and mental health."

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barb, here is the full link:

 

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/the-social-life-of-genes-64616/

 

Pacific-Standard The Life of Society magazine.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Oh shoot, forgot this site truncates long links.

 

http://www.psmag.com/

 

navigation/

 

health-and-behavior/

 

the-social-life-of-genes-64616/

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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so wonderful post nadia and great tips!!!

2007 - 2013: was on citalopram (tried to quit a few times, never worked, always went back on. max dose 40mg)

2012-2013: was tapering my citalopram all down to 2,5 mg then quit.
2013/aug: Took  my last pill 

W/D hit me bad after a few weeks off my medicine.

2014/August: 12 months off (much improved)

2015/April: 20months off. ( much improved, still some symtoms comes in waves, but not so intense.)

2015/june: 22months off. FELT different than before, all shakings suddenly stopped, feel much better. a fantastic feeling!

2016/Feb : 2 years and 6 months off, END of my suffering. I feel perfectly fine and back to normal. 
2018/Oct: Iam still feeling great. It is hard to believe my own story when I read back, what I went through!

 

 

 

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Thanks! And thanks for posting a working link... forgot to test it. The article really is worth reading!

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Nadia: Thank you thank you for this post. I will return to its many great tips time and again. Just re-started tapering after a four-month hold and am not feeling good, so really need it. Will read article, too, and make an effort not to isolate. I have a gorgeous flowering plum tree outside my kitchen window and am going to gaze today at it lovely pinkness!  

Current:

 

*In taper; down to .25 mg/day clonazepam (don't remember starting dose)

*In hold for almost a year due to w/d effects experienced with 33-percent dosage cut (no plans to cut further right now)

*On clonazepam since mid 1990s

*Current taper is second one; completed first one Nov 2011, then doc put me back on clonazepam for anxiety with estrogen-blocking drug after breast cancer treatment, 2016

*Also take two ADs: duloxetine (90 mg/day) and lamotrigine (50 mg/day) -- want off these but getting off benzo is priority

*CPTSD after childhood/youth traumatic events

*Developed paroxysmal atrial fibrillation somewhere along the line and don't know whether it's a w/d symptom or independent

 

"Forget to remember; remember to forget."

 

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Thanks Nadia for a great list of tools, I will bookmark it so i can look at it again in a few weeks!!

About 18 months ago i did a Jon Kabat-Zinn MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) course which taught me mindfulness meditation. I have found this to be really helpful. There is quite a lot of his work on you tube and there is no right or wrong way to do this meditation, its just about doing it each day. In the worst of the WD when my head is very fogged and feels like a huge pressure is inside, I sit there and all i am aware of is the huge feeling in my head. So I just sit with the huge feeling and make room for it and accept that this is where i am today. It seems to help calm down my system and help me to stop fighting with myself.

Thanks Annabel for the MBSR suggestion.  I will google it and give it a try.  Could really use a distraction right now, in the middle of a bad wave.

Sept-1990 started my first AD Zoloft never got higher dose than 50mg

Dec-1990 Quit Zoloft  =Nov-1995 Back on Zoloft for Post-partum depression/anxiety

early-1998 Quit Prozac to get pregnant   =Feb-1999 Back on Prozac 20mg

10-1999 Prozac 30mg  =12-1999 Prozac 20mg

7-2001 switch to Wellbutrin SR 100mg

8-2001 increase Wellbutrin SR 150mg

10-2001 adding back Prozac 20mg

5-2003 tapered off Prozac  =7-2003 back on Prozac 20mg

8-2003 Add in Imipramine 25mg then to 50mg    (given Xanax for bad panic episodes

9-2003 Imipramine 75 mg then to 100mg

1-2004 switch to Lexapro 10mg

8-2004 Lexapro 20mg, Imipramine 75mg

4-2006 Adding Wellbutrin 150mg then to 200mg

7-2006 switch Lexapro to Celexa

12-2007Celexa 40mg Wellbutirin 150mg

9-2009 switch back to Lexapro 20mg, WellbutrinXL 150mg

2-2010 stop Lexapro start Celexa 40mg

11-2010 switch Celexa to Cymbalta 60mg

3-2011 Cymbalta 60mg switch to Effexor 37.5 to 75mg

10-2012 thru 12-2012 taper Effexor 75mg to 37.5 and off.

5-2013 start generic Prozac 10mg to 20mg, Trazadone 25mg  BEGIN THE TAPER(6-2013 Prozac 20mg to 10mg, Trazadone 25mg. 7-2013 liquid Prozac 7mg, Trazadone 25mg 8-2013 liquid Prozac 8mg, Trazadone 25mg9-2013 liquid Prozac 5mg, Trazadone 25mg10-31-2013 liquid Prozac 3.25mg, Trazadone 25mg=11-11-2013 liquid Prozac 3.0mg, Trazadone 25mg=12-4-2013 liquid Prozac 2.8mg, Trazadone 25mg=12-13-2013 liquid Prozac 2.5mg, Trazadone 25mg=1-5-2014 liquid Prozac 2.0mg, Trazadone 25mg=(CURRENT/06-01-2014 LAST dose liquid Prozac, Trazadone 25mg)((Aug. 13, 2014 reinstate .20mg of liquid Prozac for crippling anxiety, dread (still on same Trazadone...)supplements are probiotic, Vit. D3 and Fish Oil daily)Aug 19th reinstate 6.25mg Zoloft, Sept. 4th 25mg Zoloft.CURRENT(50mg Zoloft, 25mg Trazadone)

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this was wonderful! thank you! :)  i printed it out to keep with me. :)  i also read it to my husband so he can remind me of these things when i'm not feeling well.

 

another thing that i do which helps:

in my depression class they gave us a little gratitude notebook. every night we are supposed to write 5 things we are grateful for during that day. when my mind is racing in the middle of the night during waves, or when I'm having trouble trying to fight the cortisol anxiety and go back to sleep, i go over the things i am grateful for again. having just written them not long before makes them easier to retrieve. 

on 37.5 - 50mg zoloft/sertraline for GAD from 3/1996 to 4/2013 (17 years) 

too fast taper from 1/13-4/13

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Congrats Nadia and great post. Great to hear you are doing better.

 

Maybe I need to connect to nature more and stuff like that. I do like hiking and we have a small garden. Also, that article about how social isolation can be the number one risk factor in disease was interesting. I am absolutely socially isolated. I socialize very little compared to my life in the past. Paradoxically, I don't feel lonely because I don't feel well and I don't feel like socializing. I WISH I felt better and FELT like socializing but I don't. So I feel socially isolated, but not lonely. Anyway, it can't be good.

On Effexor since February 2003; Mar/2012 - dropped from 150mg to 131mg; Apr/2012 - 112.5mg; Jul.2/2012 - 94mg;
Oct.21/2012 - 75mg - first started noticing withdrawal symptoms; Nov.16/2012 - 56mg; Dec.11/2012- 37.5mg; Jan.5/2013 - 19mg; Jan.22/2013 - 22.5mg (withdrawal too strong); Jan.23/2013 - 37.5mg (MUCH worse; very sick)
Jan.24/2013 - 30mg; May 26/2013 - 27mg (started 10% method - too much)

Dec.25/2013 - 27.3mg (no relief after 7 month hold; slow updose)

Mar.6/2014 - 37.5mg (3.5 year hold, no improvement);

Nov.2/2017 - 2.5% drop/36.6mg; Nov.30/2017 - 4% drop/35.1mg; Dec.28/2017 - 6% drop/33mg; Jan.25,/2018 - 8% drop/30.4mg; Feb.22/2018 - Held at 30.4mg; Mar. 22/2018 - 10% drop/27.4mg; Apr.19/2018 - 10% drop/24.7mg; May 17/2018 - 5%/23.5mg; Nov.21/2018 - 1.7% drop/23.1mg; Dec.19/2018 - 1.7%/22.7mg; Jan.23/2019 - 2.6%/22.1mg; Feb.27/2019 - 3.6% drop/21.3mg..holding...considering slow updose back to full dose

 

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Hi DrugSlave! I entirely understand about not feeling social. I became a complete hermit during the worst of my protracted withdrawal. In some ways that was OK. I think you need to do what makes you feel better in the moment. I could only handle very limited and quiet interaction or I would feel overwhelmed. It's important to seek connection, probably, but this doesn't mean you can't carve out a space of private safety for yourself. And it will do no good if you are social, but are not enjoying it.

 

What I took away from the article, what seemed to me to be the underlying theme, is that our PERCEPTION of what we experience is what matters:

 

“That’s a really important part of this: To an extent that immunologists and psychologists rarely appreciate, we are architects of our own experience. Your subjective experience carries more power than your objective situation. If you feel like you’re alone even when you’re in a room filled with the people closest to you, you’re going to have problems. If you feel like you’re well supported even though there’s nobody else in sight; if you carry relationships in your head; if you come at the world with a sense that people care about you, that you’re valuable, that you’re okay; then your body is going to act as if you’re okay—even if you’re wrong about all that.”

 

I think studies show that social connection enhances health because humans are social animals in general. But there is plenty of individual variation. Some people enjoy their alone time. Other people feel good when they are in a room filled with hundreds of people. As I've recovered, I've wanted to be more social, but I still prefer settings of 2 to 6 people at most. And whether I like who I am with makes a huge difference. Many times, being alone with a book is what's going to put me in that good place, not hanging out with someone.

 

The important thing is to figure out what makes you feel good, or is even an infinitesimal step toward feeling good. Sometimes this means challenging yourself to do things you are too steeped in negativity and pain to want to do, but it also means listening to your gut feeling about what is truly beneficial for you. You need to break out of a negative cycle if you are down-spiraling, but also respect your limits. Maybe this means a 5 minute conversation with someone in whose presence you feel good. Maybe it means a walk alone in the woods.

 

The key thing is that what makes your body steer toward health is feeling good about your surroundings and yourself. At each stage of your recovery, finding what "does this for you" can be different, and it can be entirely different for different people!

 

___

 

Yay for beautiful plum trees, for mindfulness, for making lists of things to be grateful for!! Don't expect big results, just keep exercising steering toward feeling positive.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Nadia, my wife read my intro thread where someone mentioned your post to me. She tracked down your post, printed it, and put it on the fridge. :) She is encouraging me to follow it and wants to follow some of it herself. Thanks again.

 

I absolutely agree that is the perception of our experiences that matters. I have read that before and believe it through my own experiences and observations. There is scientific evidence to back it up as well.

 

Social connections are very important. I think I need to push myself a little more on that front. I need to joke more too....it's so hard to break out of the negative cycle as you say...

 

"The key thing is that what makes your body steer toward health is feeling good about your surroundings and yourself. At each stage of your recovery, finding what "does this for you" can be different, and it can be entirely different for different people!" - wow, that is some good stuff there....you are quotable :)

On Effexor since February 2003; Mar/2012 - dropped from 150mg to 131mg; Apr/2012 - 112.5mg; Jul.2/2012 - 94mg;
Oct.21/2012 - 75mg - first started noticing withdrawal symptoms; Nov.16/2012 - 56mg; Dec.11/2012- 37.5mg; Jan.5/2013 - 19mg; Jan.22/2013 - 22.5mg (withdrawal too strong); Jan.23/2013 - 37.5mg (MUCH worse; very sick)
Jan.24/2013 - 30mg; May 26/2013 - 27mg (started 10% method - too much)

Dec.25/2013 - 27.3mg (no relief after 7 month hold; slow updose)

Mar.6/2014 - 37.5mg (3.5 year hold, no improvement);

Nov.2/2017 - 2.5% drop/36.6mg; Nov.30/2017 - 4% drop/35.1mg; Dec.28/2017 - 6% drop/33mg; Jan.25,/2018 - 8% drop/30.4mg; Feb.22/2018 - Held at 30.4mg; Mar. 22/2018 - 10% drop/27.4mg; Apr.19/2018 - 10% drop/24.7mg; May 17/2018 - 5%/23.5mg; Nov.21/2018 - 1.7% drop/23.1mg; Dec.19/2018 - 1.7%/22.7mg; Jan.23/2019 - 2.6%/22.1mg; Feb.27/2019 - 3.6% drop/21.3mg..holding...considering slow updose back to full dose

 

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Thanks Nadia, you are the best!

 

I find listening to music very useful. When I was younger, I was listening to music all day long... I didn't have internet or a computer home, I was single and not much to do outside work.. So music (and dancing  alone on music) were an important part of my spare time. 

 

Then I forgot it. Last couple of years were the worst from this point of view. But one day, a couple of weeks ago I, I remembered. I recovered some cd-s from a box that has not been opened for a while, and I bought some mp3 online with old music that I used to like so much. It is so therapeutic! Plus the exercise that I get dancing :)

 

I feel like something very good happens in the brain when we listen to music. Like the neurons are firing better, in harmony, healing.

July 2011 - nasty anxiety crisis (lost job, became not functional, couldn't exit the house alone)

August 2011 - started 10mg Paxil  and October 2011 - 20mg (one month on 20mg)

November 2011 - starting slowly to decrease the dose at the pace my body supported. Down to 2.5 mg in January 2013 (17.5, 15, 12.5, 10, 7.5, 5, 3.7, 2.5) - at least one month at each step. Unpleasant, but functional, got a new job almost immediately

April 2013 - stopped completely, crashed after 2 weeks, and reinstalled 2.5mg, recovered fast.

September 2013 - started decreasing again, slower, down to 1 mg in December 2013

December 2013 - free of Paxil

March 2014 - another crash, exactly 3 months after stopping, after 2 weeks of horrors, reinstalled 1 mg - feeling better after one week.

March 2014 - July 2014: going slowly down: 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.77mg, 0.64mg

end of July 2014 - Paxil free, hopefully forever this time.

.

 

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great thread! we can never get enough of priceless little things that make all the difference.

 

reading about dancing (very true), reminded me of singing. Even if one doesn't have much of a voice or sings melancholy songs. I used to sing in a church choir but when in WD and messed up with meds, I simply couldn't imagine myself doing it.

 

This Easter I made an effort to go to church for a good sing and it was nice hearing my voice again. I would also say my brain cells were readjusting in a nice way while doing it. Singing in a choir also has the additional benefit of breaking isolation: you can enjoy the benefits of social interaction without being overly exposed to it.

 

This is also true for joining some other groups which encourage minimal but beneficial interaction: a yoga class always works better for me than solitary attempts. Or a hiking club: the group energy helps you to move but long stretches of time are spent walking in silence without having to actually interact with people. I find it balances nicely the need for alone and together time. 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • 1 month later...

i can agree with the Jon kabat zinn Annabel, i read his book that was done with some other medical professionals "the mindful way through depression" and "full catastrophe living", the 8 week meditation programs that i have continued with have been a real help to my life in general.

 

I noticed Nadi mentioned walking in the woods and getting in touch with nature.

What i have done is brought a camera and have found it very therapeutic to go out for walks alone and take photos of beautiful landscapes, trees, waterfalls, sunset/rises and so forth.

It's a nice thing to do in itself and can be a bonus and reminder of that nice peaceful time when you see, and maybe print one of the photos that has turned out good or is special to you

10 years on various anti-depressants

5 years Effexor xr

tappered of 150mg in 6 months

nothing for two weeks

Reinstated 15 beads for 50 days

Tappered off then clean 2-3months

gradually went back up to 13 mg 3 years

bridged fluoxetine 10mg

2 week tapper

1 year clean

reinstated 5ml dispersed fluroxatine for 6months

 

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  • 8 months later...

Thankyou for this post, Nadia!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • 2 years later...

Thank you, Nadia. I am early into a cold turkey withdrawal that now involves some reinstatement but to no great effect. Your suggestions look to be a valuable resource. Thank you, again

2005 to July, 2014: Lexapro 40 mg daily

July, 2014 to October, 2017: Lexapro 30 mg daily

September 21 and September 30: 2 serotonin syndromes interrupted by one week on Lexapro at 30 mg

October 1 to October 31 2017: cold turkey no Lexapro

November 1 to December 15 2017: reinstate Lexapro from 1.25 mg to 20 mg

2017-2018: 1200 mg lithium, 30 mg Lexapro, 300 mg Wellbutrin
CURRENT, 2018 to now (12/2021): 10 mg Lexapro, 300 mg Wellbutrin daily

 

 

 

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  • Altostrata changed the title to The importance of recognizing you're feeling good
  • 2 months later...

Wow Nadia, thanks a lot for the first post of this thread. Incredibly just by reading it I felt better. Also reading the whole link of "The Social Life of Genes" made me feel better by knowing that our perception/framing can make us feel better or worse regardless of the situation.

In 2008 I was 16 years old. 2008 - 2010 paxil, clonazepam & semisodium valproate. 2013 - 2017 many psych meds with cold switches and CT's prescribed by psychiatrists.

Nov/30/17 started quetiapine IR tablets 100mg 0-0-1. Dec/1/17 started pristiq 50mg tablets 1-0-0. Jan/14/18 started 1.5mg melatonin 0-0-1

Tramadol: 2 year well done (slow and gradual) taper: from Mar/12/18 to Feb/11/20 

Pristiq taper: Jun/15/20 Converted from pristiq 50mg to efexor xr 75mg for 57 days (felt good).  Aug/11/20 weaned to efexor 37.5mg and stayed there for 2 months with 26 days (felt good). Nov/6/20  CT 0mg of efexor xr (felt good). Total time in tapering pristiq 50mg by converting to efexor xr 75mg: 4 months with 22 days: Jun/15/20 to Nov/6/20. (felt good)

Efexor 0mg and quetiapine 100mg (Nov/6/20 to Dic/11/20) (felt good being without effexor and taking 100mg quetiapine)

Dic/11/20 quetiapine 75mg, so 75mg from Dic/11/20 to Jan/4/21  25 days. Jan/5/21 quetiapine 50mg (1 day in 50mg).

Jan/6/21 1st CT of quetiapine. Mar/1/21 CT melatonin. Felt terrible so Mar/25/21 reinstated 100mg quetiapine. 

100mg quetiapine 19 days (Mar/25/21 - Apr/13/21) Felt good while in quetiapine 100mg. 75mg quetiapine 55 days (Apr/14/21 - Jun/8/21) the 55th day (Jun/8/21)  felt hellish so CT'd quetiapine for a 2nd time on Jun/9/21. 

Jun/9/21 - Nov/16/21 1st days insomnia, anxiety, took cbd and felt very good many days (healed insomnia & anxiety), CT'd ginkgo which made me felt terrible so reinstated ginkgo. Started intolerable back pain (spasm) so tried other herbs along with cbd, then started derealization, panic, indecisiveness, nostalgia & others. Stopped taking cbd & herbs, reinstated quetiapine 75mg Nov/17/21, immediately after taking it, had severe heart palpitations, so Nov/18/21 back to cbd (no quetiapine). Nov/20/21 reinstated 75mg quetiapine (stopped cbd & herbs), severely couldn't breathe for 5 seconds after taking quetiapine 75mg so reduced to 50 mg on Nov/28/21 had new and worse and very severe adverse effects, got indecisive if CT or keep taking quetiapine because I was terrified of CT, but since the new severe adverse effects were very severe I CT, and because of indecisiveness and panic to CT, I reinstated again, then CT'd and reinstated many times, last time I was taking quetiapine it was 25mg and had severe TD, hellish anhedonia, suicidal, intrusive thoughts of imagining myself running into a wall and crashing into it and I was feeling the pain as if I was doing it in real life, involuntary thoughts of punching my face or head and shashing it against the wall and some times I did punch my face, and when I didn't, I also felt the pain just by imagining it, so definitive CT on Jul/15/22. 

Free from quetiapine and psych meds since Jul/15/22.

MY BEST ADVICE: FOLLOW SA'S GUIDELINES, DON'T CT BECAUSE IT IS HORRIFIC AND BE PATIENT TO WAIT A LONG TIME TO DO VERY SLOW AND GRADUAL TAPERS IN ORDER TO GET OFF OF YOUR MEDICATIONS, IT IS WORTH IT. THE ONLY MOMENTS WHERE IS RIGHT TO CT IS AFTER YOUR 1ST CT THAT YOU DID BECAUSE OF IGNORANCE OR IMPATIENCE, IF YOU REINSTATE AND FEEL SEVERE ADVERSE EFFECTS LIKE TD, ANHEDONIA, FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DROWNING, OR THE ONE'S I HAD, IT IS BEST TO CT IN MY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE WHEN I REINSTATED I GOT MUCH WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN THE PREVIOUS CT. I'm not a doctor.

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Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 1 year later...
On 4/10/2014 at 3:25 AM, Nadia said:

18. At the end of the day, review your day and think of anything that was positive, however small. If there was nothing positive, congratulate yourself for having gotten through it.

Thank you @Nadia for your post. I am relatively new to SA and have been pouring over all the resources. Your list is great and I love this one in particular.

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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  • 9 months later...
  • Mentor
On 4/9/2014 at 10:25 PM, Nadia said:

Cry, think that's it, you can't take it any more. Then un-give up and keep going.

 

This is beautiful.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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