Geodon Chaos

[Chaos]

My story is hard to write because I've lost track of time over the last 6 years or so... but my journey started with a breakdown at work, which I now realize was stress induced.

 

At the time my superiors suggested to me that I take a leave of absence from my job for 6 months, which was the worse mistake I ever made.

 

During those 6 months I became very depressed and suffered from chronic pains in my joints and muscles that increasingly got worse.  Neither situation helping the other.  Also during this time I lost one of my best friends (not sure now what she actually died from but she suffered from copd along with mental health issues of her own).  At the time I really only had 2 friends so I was left with one, who suddenly decided she didn't want to talk to me anymore.  So I found myself pretty much alone.  

 

But I still got by.  I lived on tylenol, marijuana, and the internet and spent a lot of time with my children (who are adults now).

 

The depression did get better, but I didn't recognize it because I was still in a lot of physical pain.  Instead of seeking help, I began to self medicate with harder substances, and was spending more and more time with my best friends widower, who was a full blown drug addict, which didn't help my case.

 

We eventually became a couple and it was like checking to see if you need gas with a match.  But it only lasted for 6 months, then he died from a severe case of pneumonia. 

 

Again I was alone and depressed.....

 

Which in retrospect is like a "duh" moment.  Obviously I should be depressed, I just lost 3 of the most important people in my life in the span of less than 4 years time, plus I lost my job from not returning to it after my leave of absence due to physical pain.....

 

But I endured.

 

For another year I went through the motions of life, of caring for my kids, of doing daily chores like cooking and cleaning, only without the aid of the self medicating.  

 

Then I decided it was time to find out what was wrong with me.  I was pretty sure it was rheumatism as I had already been diagnosed with an elevated rheumatoid factor back in 1999.  But I never saw a rheumatologist and never got any medication for it.

 

So ... ok jump ahead to January 2013 because thats when the real problem started.  I finally made a doctor's appointment to get help with the pain from the rheumatism and I broke down crying in his office.  He OUTRIGHT REFUSED to treat any of my pain symptoms until I saw a psychiatrist.  He was convinced that all my pain issues were in my head.  My mom accompanied me that day and he made her promise to take me immediately to a pdoc.  Which she did.....

 

I relayed pretty much this entire story to the pdoc who labeled me bipolar and said I needed to be on medication immediately.  

 

I was skeptical immediately because I never had any manic episodes to speak of... and yes I was depressed but again, "DUH"

 

But I let them convince me.

 

At first they wanted to put me on lithium but told me I would have to have regular blood tests to check my lithium levels and this sounded fishy to me and my gut instinct was to say Absolutely NOT.  I just didn't feel right about something messing with my system enough that it had to be monitored.  

 

So they then suggested Geodon and I agreed, because hey, you're the doctor right?

 

Now I can't say Geodon didn't help at all, because it did.  The side effects (nausea, dizzyness, extreme fatigue within 2 hours of taking it) seemed like a minor inconvenience compared to the supposed benefits of .... quite frankly.... being numb enough to get through the days.

 

Whenever I complained about the side effects they would raise my dosage.  They wanted me to take it twice a day but I just refused because I couldn't handle the side effects during the day.  So I ended up with taking 80mgs at night before bed so I could avoid them.

 

For the most part things went fairly smooth, although I still had no motivation, a lot of pain did ease up and I do now believe the depression and stress of losing 3 important people in a short amount of time, along with being inactive from being out of work, was the main reason for the excess pain.

 

Still, I hated taking those pills every night.  I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I was just existing on them.

 

Anyway, this is getting long so lets cut to the chase.

 

In April I lost my medicaid due to a clerical error.  No more geodon.... 

 

I finished what I had but I have now been off the geodon since March 18th (23 days). 

 

I did not have the option of tapering, because I have no health insurance, and the situation is still in the process of being rectified (a whole nother long story).

 

 

I was forced to quit cold turkey.  

 

I do not recommend it.

 

For the first 15 days I was sick as a dog.  It felt like having the flu.  My body ached, my stomach was in knots, I couldn't eat, I lost 12 lbs, cold sweats, hot flashes, flushing... the works.

 

I prayed every night for the stomach pains to end.  I'm not particularly religious but just in case anyone was listening, because the nausea was the absolute worse part during that time.  I prayed for death since i felt like I was dying a slow death anyway.  I was NOT in a good place emotionally on top of feeling like garbage, and if there had been a self destruct button available I would not be here to tell this story. It was literally the worse depression I have ever felt in my entire life, maybe even combined.  I considered checking myself into crisis many times.

 

This has passed.

 

At least most of it.

 

 

Now I'm just left feeling exhausted all the time.  Oddly enough I feel like death when I wake up in the morning (or afternoon as my sleeping schedule is off) and it takes me quite some time to motivate to get out of bed, even though I know when I get up and move around I'll feel better.  It's really hard. 

 

There's nothing to make me want to get up anymore.  Since getting off the Geodon I have completely quit coffee.  I no longer smoke pot either since it was making me feel even more anxious.  I wasn't smoking much anyway as I was already "tapering off" of it since January, it was easy to quit.  I even have some but no desire to dig it out of where I hid it to smoke any.  

 

All the things I used to love are so foreign to me now.  None of the games I liked hold my interest, music doesn't make me feel the same, and I feel like I've literally busted my brain from taking this medication in the first place.

 

 

As the day goes on I feel better.  By the time I'm ready for bed I almost feel 100% again..... but then morning comes and the process starts all over again.

 

The only thing that got me through the last 3 weeks were forums like this one.  I spend endless hours googling withdrawal, how to cope, how to get motivated, how long will it last..... 

 

There really isn't enough information about the withdrawal from Geodon so I thought (tonight) after reading success stories on this forum, that it was time I posted my story.  

 

Right now, it's late, 3:30am and I feel pretty good.  I don't feel depressed and I feel optimistic and I look around and make plans for tomorrow.... 

 

Tonight I'll pray again that I feel the same way in the morning.... and if I don't... then I'll start all over again.

 

One day at a time.

 

And hopefully I can be a success story on your site at some point.  I remain hopeful.

 

 

[Petunia]

Hi Chaos,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us.  I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this alone.  I'm glad you found us now and decided to introduce yourself.  You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

As you have found out, coming off Geodon so fast isn't a good idea, is there any way you could get some more so you could reinstate and taper slower.  I'm not in the States, so I'm not sure how things work there, but I have read that people can sometimes go to the ER and say that they are in withdrawal from their medication and get an emergency prescription, I'm not sure if that is possible with Geodon though, someone else here may know.

 

We generally recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your dose every 4 weeks, and that includes anti-psychotics like Geodon.  We don't have any specific tapering information for that particular medication but here is a thread with some information related to Geodon:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4873-withdrawal-effects-while-discontinuing-antipsychotic-medications/?hl=ziprasidone

 

The pattern you describe of feeling worse in the morning, but better by the evening is a common feature of withdrawal, its related to the daily cortisol cycle and nervous system destabilization. What symptoms are you experiencing at the moment?

 

You may find some ideas to help feel better in our self care section here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

But if it were me, I would do everything possible to reinstate and then begin a slow, safe taper.

 

Petu.

[tezza]

Welcome Chaos,

 

I'm sorry you feel so bad! Geodon is somewhat similar to the drug I'm currently (still) tapering. I left mine off for two weeks before reinstating and honestly don't know if I'd be alive if I had not. It was AWFUL!

 

My very best, URGENT, suggestion to you is: Get a prescription as SOON as you possibly can. Please don't hesitate, I left my drug off only two weeks and it took me a LONG time to get much better.

 

Please try to contact someone in your area to inquire about assistance getting it. You could even try calling the drug company, sometimes they can help.

 

Please, some people go into protracted WD that lasts many years from a cold-turkey or fast taper.

 

From experience and reading of others here, if I were in that position, I'd sell my clothes, furniture or anything I could if there was no other way. I'm not trying to scare you, forewarned is forearmed.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Chaos.

 

Any doctor can write a prescription for Geodon, it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. If I were you, I'd immediately go to the emergency room or urgent care and tell them you're in withdrawal, or go to a doctor you feel comfortable with, explain your situation, and ask for a prescription.

 

Your last dosage was 80mg, correct? As little as 10mg might help. It comes in 20mg capsules, you might be able to open the capsule and take half http://www.drugs.com/pro/geodon.html

 

If you got a prescription to take 20mg three times a day, you would have enough to cover updosing, if you need it, and tapering for quite a while.

 

It may be available as a generic, which would be quite a bit cheaper. A brand-name oral suspension (liquid) is available, if you can afford that.

 

It looks to me like one could make a DIY liquid with the capsules, see http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3018175/

and http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

[Chaos]

I hear what you guys are saying but I think its too late to taper.

 

as I said I've already been off the Geodon for 3 weeks.  The major symptoms (depression and nausea) ended 15 days later.  There is absolutely NO WAY I would restart this medication and take the risk of having those major withdrawal symptoms come back.

 

If I had the option beforehand and knew what was going to happen I might have chosen tapering, and from all I've read that would have been the safer route to go, but here I am - 24 days later now - and I'm finally feeling better.

 

The only withdrawal really remaining is the morning stuff. 

 

My withdrawal remedies for anyone who might be wondering was A LOT of water, forcing myself to eat an apple a day, a little exercise (I forced myself to take a walk), and a lot of research on the internet to keep me occupied.  When I did eat real food I tried to eat things like lettuce (salad) and spinach and broccoli - very little meat or bread.  Absolutely NO junk food whatsoever.  I also basically quit caffeine altogether, though that was not really by choice.  It just made me more sick to my stomach so I stopped the coffee first, iced tea second.

 

All I have to do now is get passed the morning blah - feeling sick when I wake up - feeling unmotivated - its really hard without coffee, but that's not an option.

 

Today I went to the market and picked up some healthy cereals and breakfast bars and hopefully this will help, if I can bring myself to eat them.  I also bought orange juice because I figured the vitamin C would be beneficial since I haven't been eating much (I lost 15 lbs since this started).

 

The main thing I think right now is try to remain positive.  I set small goals (like take a shower, take a walk, cook the family dinner even if I don't eat), and I don't beat myself up if I can't accomplish them (but so far so good).

 

I know it will take time before I'm 100% again, but please don't tell me to get back on this med - it's not going to happen.

[Petunia]

I know it will take time before I'm 100% again, but please don't tell me to get back on this med - it's not going to happen.

 

Its completely your decision about this and you are welcome here whether your reinstate or not.  Its just that we have seen a lot of unnecessary suffering around here and would like to protect you from it, if we possibly can.

 

Its good that you are over the worst of the withdrawal symptoms and I can understand you not wanting to have to go through them again.  But the problem is, sometimes, existing symptoms can last for a very long time.  Occasionally, people think they are out of the woods and then withdrawal kicks back in even worse after a few weeks or even months.  The longer a person waits to reinstate, the less likely it is to work.  I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to be aware of what is possible and give you some alternatives.

 

Reinstatement doesn't mean a full dose, only a small amount, enough to make you feel better, to reduce the withdrawal symptoms enough so that your life becomes functional again.  After a few weeks of stabilizing on that amount, a slow, safe taper is started and life becomes functional again, quality of life is returned while tapering.

 

I'm only writing this for your consideration, so you have some more options.  Here are a couple of links which explain it in more detail:

About reinstating and stabilizing:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

Why taper by 10%:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing, I hope you continue to feel better each day.

 

Petu.

[bubble]

Hi,

 

I've read your post and feel sorry for everything you went through. I'm also very happy for you that you found this forum.

 

The advice I got here saved me from the worst of my nightmare and I have never seen that much knowledge and experience with these drugs that nobody actually understands, least of all doctors who prescribe them like candy as we have all learnt.

 

As Petu said, it's all your decision and I totally understand the need to stay away from these harmful substances. The only reason I'm writing is to supply yet another evidence for your decision-making process. After many unsuccessful attempts, I've found out that the only way to get off those meds is to remove them very, very slowly. I also found out that they cause even more damage when they are physically out of the system. 

 

That's why we here believe that if we go back a little we will get off sooner, with less pain and suffering and also be in control of our lives.

 

But we will continue supporting you regardless of your decision.

 

best,

bubble

[Chaos]

First I want to say without this site I may not have survived my early withdrawal.

 

Reading what others have gone through and especially the success stories here, really kept me going.

 

At this point in my recovery I have to assume I'm one of the luckier ones.  Tomorrow it will have been 4 total weeks since my last dose of Geodon, and for the last 2 days I actually woke up smiling.  Not because I'm particularly happy, but because the morning anxiety and sickness that was plaguing me is mostly gone.

 

I still have some things to work through, like the fact that I don't enjoy some of the things that I used to (music and games mostly), and I still need to work on my eating, since I'm really not hungry, at all, and don't enjoy most of what I do eat, and finally I need to work on my motivation to get up and move around - but I see all of these things as 100% attainable now that 80% of my physical symptoms have gone away.

 

 

My biggest fear through all of this was that my brain was permanently broken by the medication, but I look back now and see the progress my body has made in recovering and I feel hopeful and optimistic. 

 

 

Anyway I'm not done yet.  But I wanted to update since I've had such a great couple of days with the waking up.  If I can give one other person who is going through this a little bit of hope, here it is.  It took 4 weeks, but I feel almost just like me again.

[Narcissus]

Glad to see you're experiencing some relief Chaos.

 

I think your interest in things should will return as your improve (they have for me).  Sickness expends a lot of energy, and there's no interest or attention without energy.  

 

Hang in there.

[Chaos]

I've done some research on St Johns Wort and SAMe, but I came to the conclusion that these supplements affect your brain as much (if not more) than the prescription pills, so I decided not to go that route.

 

I also read that things like Vitamin C and B12 are helpful so I went out today and bought a multi-vitamin that includes B6, B12, C, as well as zinc, and some other vitamins.  So I'll be taking those and see how it goes.

 

Sadly, one of my favorite aunts died tonight unexpectedly (complications from heart surgery and kidney failure), she was only 46...  This is surely going to cause me a setback.  We were very close for most of my life, but as life happens and people drift, we did lose touch for a while.  For the first time since this all started I've been able to cry, so I thank her for that.  I think I'm in a lot of denial though... I feel like she's still out there living somewhere, even though I know better.  

 

It's all very strange and dreamlike right now. 

[Rhiannon]

Chaos, please monitor your symptoms even though you've had a couple of good days. It is so typical with psych drugs for people to go through some initial acute withdrawal then to feel better and think they're out of the woods, until the REAL withdrawal hits. Sometimes it doesn't really kick in for a few months and then it can be pure hell and by that time it's tricky to reinstate.

 

You may do just fine, it sounds like Geodon is the only psych med you've taken and you've never CT'd or tried to get off it before, and often people do well coming off under those circumstances. You very well could be one of the lucky ones. However, keep an eye on things. Keep a daily journal and rank your symptoms daily. That way, if there's going to be another spike, you'll catch it early enough.

 

Good luck! I'm rooting for you to do great!

[Chaos]

Today I feel 100%!!!

 

One of the biggest problems I've had in the last few weeks is a backward sleeping schedule.  It wasn't that I had insomnia, I just slept completely backward.

 

Instead of 10pm to 5am, I would sleep from 10AM till 5PM (some days longer). 

 

This was really annoying, and made me feel like I missed the day, and a bit depressed.  I did lots of googling on how to fix it, but most methods were not working for me.  I prayed on it and I think God finally answered my prayer (in a painful way but it worked).

 

I've got a bad wisdom tooth that needs extracting.  This is in the works now that my insurance has been reinstated.  For the most part it doesn't bother me but 2 days ago it started throbbing.  I was putting teabags on it (this always worked in the past) and would get some relief for a few hours, but for the most part I didn't sleep.  The first day I slept from 1pm till 4pm, and the 2nd day I slept from 3pm till 6pm.  I was totally exhausted.

 

The good news is that I was exhausted enough last night to go to sleep at 10PM!!!! Without any sleep aids, And got up at 6am this morning, and although my tooth was still bothering me, I feel really good and healthy in general.  It is now 8:30am, and for the first time in over a month I've been able to drink a cup of coffee and motivated enough to do laundry (I hate laundry!).  

 

I do not feel manic or depressed and a salt water rinse made the tooth feel a lot better (I put that off too long).  

 

I might be jumping the gun since it's only one night, but I remain optimistic and just wanted to update you on my progress.

 

 

Thank you for being here.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

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What a great update!