Addax: 30 years with Fluoxetine and tapering

[Altostrata]

It does sound like Wellbutrin is responsible for those "flutters," which is not surprising at all.

 

At 20mg Wellbutrin, I would still step down, going off at perhaps 2.5mg.

[Addax]

Got it. Thank you, Alto!

[Addax]

1/2 calf and reduced Wellbutrin seems to have been a good idea.  It's Monday, a day when I tend to feel some anxiety and maybe some akathisia, and I felt very, very little today.  I haven't felt the tension in my jaw for some time, but I can feel some tension (or akathisia) around my mouth and nose area.  When it happens I imagine it is what it would feel like to grown a muzzle... Like what it might feel like to become a werewolf. Or at least grow a werewolf face. I know that sounds absolutely silly, but it's the first thought that jumps into my head when I feel it. I don't check the mirror or anything, but I'm pretty sure that is not what is going on.

It's not a very intense feeling.  Not at all... so maybe it would be more akin to turning into a small terrier or something?  

 

I've also noticed that i don't get the kind of Cortisol rush I've been used to getting.  Sometimes I'd get this rushing feeling of tension and worry when something would happened related to something I already worried about.  I might not even be worried about it at the time, but for instance, if I got an email regarding the thing that I'm worried about I would feel this weird rush in my body; growing tension, etc. and it feels like my body temp goes up.  I'm calling it a cortisol such, but I guess its also like I got a shot of adrenalin.  It's not that it doesn't happen anymore.  Just not nearly as intensely.  While it was more intense during withdrawal ( I think), It was something I experienced while taking Prozac, so it's not really a symptom of withdrawal that seems to have diminished, but a decrease in a side effect of Prozac.

 

Mondays are also sort of tired days for me.  But anxiety and akathisia have always left me exhausted, even when it's relatively minor combined with the decrease in Wellbutrin I guess some fatigue should be expected.  When I'm tired I equate it with feeling depressed or apathetic, but really I think I'm just tired.  I hope I'm just tired. 

 

I will be making another ~25% cut to my Wellbutrin shortly (down to 19 mg) and I'm tempted to make a .9 mg (10%) cut to prozac a couple days after that if I find myself feeling more tired after the Wellbutrin cut.  

 

I've been paying so much attention to withdrawal symptoms that I forget to lookout for the decrease or resolution of side effects from prozac. I know I listed several earlier on in my thread here, but I wanted to add the decrease in intensity of those cortisol rushes.  And although I still experience some minor fatigue, even with the decrease in Wellbutrin there has not been a return of the overall chronic feeling of fatigue and no yawning!!  

One thing I'm always on the lookout for is the return of symptoms related to the eating disorder for which I was put on Prozac to treat.  There has been no return of those symptoms.  Unfortunately, Prozac was never able to improve my body image and on some level I've accepted that I may never be able to accurately perceive the image in the mirror and may always have an unhealthy body image, but at least I'm not engaging in behaviors that are excessive or detrimental or that limit me as I once did.  So there is that.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear reducing the Wellbutrin was beneficial. It is known to be stimulating.

 

I would hold the Prozac steady while going off the Wellbutrin so as not to confuse the issue. You might find you can go off Wellbutrin relatively quickly.

[Addax]

Dropped Wellbutrin twice since my last post. Went from 25mg twice a day, to 19 mg 2x/day' then to 15mg. I seem to have tolerated these drops very well. I referred back to the post about tapering Welbutrin and saw that a 50% decrease can be well tolerated. Since I've been tolerating the 25% drop with no adverse events beyond the mild fatigue I felt earlier and I'm close to running out of pills, I went for the 50% drop yesterday. Or about 50%.

As of yesterday I'm at: 9mg Prozac, and ~8mg Wellbutrin twice a day

 

As I get closer to eliminating Wellbutrin I'm find myself becoming nervous about beginning to taper Prozac again. I've held stable and done very well since March. Knowing that it was Prozac withdrawal that just about brought me to my knees last time I'm kind of scared and already beginning to anticipate being blindsided by symptoms, EVEN THOUGH I'm going about this withdrawal much differently than last time.

 

Rather than focus on withdrawal symptoms I'm trying to focus on the relief from the side effects I'd experienced from Prozac:

 

I had been on 60 mg for ~23yrs' and between 40 and 60 for the 2 years prior to this tapper, and prior to joining SA had been tapering too quickly. The following side effect I experience while taking Prozac have completely resolved (CR), nearly resolved (NR), or are extremely infrequent (EI) since beginning this taper last August 2013:

 

Night sweats (CR)

Urge incontinance (CR)

Hypomania like events (CR)

Jaw clenching (CR)

Hypersensitivity to alcohol (CR)

Emotional blunting/inability to cry (CR)

Frequent yawning (CR)

Apathy (NR)

Unconsciously moving my foot (NR)

Unexplained fatigue (NR)

Weight gain (I haven't lost weight, but it stopped creeping up)

 

My withdrawal symptoms were much more sever prior to slowing down my taper per suggestion by SA Admins and Mods. Some had been pretty bad, but as I've slowed my roll and held stable, withdrawal symptoms that have slowly subsided (S), nearly subsided/significant decrease (SD), or are now extremely infrequent (EI) or downright rare ® while holding stable at 9mg.

 

Cortisol mornings (S)

Cortisol surges (SD)

Akathisia/Anxiety (SD)

Strange shifting feeling when moving head or shifting gaze(EI)

Muscle spasms (S)

Stomach upset/food sensitivity (SD, but fructose still gives me problems)

Irritability (SD)

Mild depression/fatigue (SD)

Suicidal ideation ®

Ruminating/worry (EI, had usually accompanied cortisol surges)

 

I don't think I can emphasis enough the enormous difference between this slow, control taper, and my last attempt when I dropped from 60 mg to complete discontinuation in about a 4 month period. Although my withdrawal symptoms could get bad, they've remained tolerable and haven't touched what I experienced last time.

 

I still struggle to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and am scared of my upcoming Prozac cut, because I can't f**kn shake this anticipation that some overwhelming wave is going to come along and drown me... I simply find it impossible to believe that this luck I've experienced will last.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

It may not be luck at all but the result of a slower taper that is beneficial. I see you are primarily concentrating on reducing the wellbutrin so you can do that and tell yourself you'll worry about prozac when the time comes. You won't know how much better able you'll be able to tolerate prozac till then. I'm rooting for you!. You are very on top of all of your symptom patterns and that is definitely a plus.

[Addax]

Thank you for stopping by CW!!

 

It's definitely the result of the slower taper. No doubt.  But I feel lucky too.  I had anticipated things being so much worse being that I began taking prozac at 18 and my brain development from that point forward took place in a bath of Prozac.  I've been so scared of discovering permanent neurological damages or disabilities along the way or that the side effects were no long side effects but had become permanent problems.  I just feel lucky that it hasn't been so much worse. 

 

about the Wellbutrin: Alto had suggested I taper that first as it is the more activating of the two and I would be able to differentiate between the withdrawal symptoms being caused by each one.  I have found that Wellbutrin was likely contributing to or exacerbating my morning anxiety and what I'm pretty sure was also Akathisia. As the dose crept lower i immediately noticed that the nervous, fluttery feeling in the morning was abating.   I had only been taking Wellbutrin for a short time when I began this taper. 

 

My symptoms scare me.  Both the side effects and the ones that come with withdrawal, so yeah, I'm hyper-aware.  Sometimes to a fault. 

[Addax]

I woke up anxious today . This anxious feeling morphed into some intense irritability... And I've just felt so angry and sad all day. Like I want to scream and cry. I guess I was due for a wave. And this headache accompanying all this... WTF?! Where did this come from?

 

I'm scared that it's going to get worse. Very scared.

 

Why am I so angry and sad today?

[rapunzel2]

did you excersize yesterday? or ate differently?

 

sometimes it just comes... angriness is definitaley prozac withdrawal. it will not stay! but it's just as scary and discomfortable as every time, it's not possible to get used to that. 

[Addax]

Hi Repunzel.

I can't think of anything I ate or did differently in the last few days. Its been a week since I dropped down my Welbutrin dose, but I usually feel the effect of that within a day or two! If I feel anything at all. I'm obviously not going to taper that any lower right now. Intellectually I know it will not stay, and you reminding me of that does help, but at the same time I keep thinking about whether I'm going to have waves like this disrupting my life forever. I had a very long window, and I was almost to where I could wonder if I was safe from the waves...

 

Maybe it's catch up from tappering the Prozac a little too quickly before I started the long hold at 9mg back in March/April. I'm at about the 4 month mark from then. During my last attempt to withdrawal in 2012 it was approximately 4 months after my last dose of Prozac that withdrawal hit me hard. Granted, that was a poorly planned, too fast taper, but the timing seems about right . That being said, I should be glad that this is not nearly as bad and the Akathisia is extremely mild. In general, it's doesn't come close to the debilitation I experienced last time. Even so, it feels horrible and seems a little worse today. Particularly the hopelessness and demotivation. I want to crawl into bed and goto sleep. Not so much out of depression, but feeling tired and just wanting to sleep my way through this. I don't know if my being alone so much makes it worse or better.

 

I just want to cry really hard then sleep till this passes.

[Petunia]

Hi Addax,

It sounds like you have been hit with a random wave.  I find the random ones the worst and most frightening, at least if we can figure out what caused it, then there is a sense of control.  But the good thing is that even the random ones pass

 

I think that if you feel like crying and then sleeping, if you can, doing those things may be healing.  Crying relieves stress and tension, when we sleep is when the body does its repair work.   Maybe consider a long hold from tapering anything for a while, give your nervous system a chance to catch up on repair work in an environment of stability.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Petu.

[Rhiannon]

I'm not sure I'd call it random, coming along after some pretty dramatic reductions in Wellbutrin. I personally never found Wellbutrin easier to get off than any other psych med, and of course once you're in withdrawal anyway all bets are off.  Your own body is the only expert. Do you feel like you can ride this out? If so, it might be a good time to hold for a while.

[Addax]

I just don't think it's the Wellbutrin. The 1/2 life is so short and with each cut I felt better. My morning fluttery, anxiety thing all but went away. Even so, I'm not going to taper it any lower for a while. And only if there's a return of horrible Akathisia will I consider any reinstating. However, at my current dose, I probably only have about three weeks supply left. I don't know... Maybe it's a combination of the Wellbutrin and that 4 month mark. I wish I knew...

 

I took Petu's advice, and crawled into bed and tried to sleep the day away. I didn't cry, but I do feel less like crying and screaming right now.

[Addax]

Things don't seem to be in any rush to get better. Some serious negative thinking, lack of motivation, and some Akathisia going on. Basically I'm depressed and physically agitated... And it sucks. Just sucks. Could it be the Wellbutrin? The 1/2 life sees too short for it to be the cause... It's got to be a wave. A bad one. I know I should stick it out, and if it weren't for the Akathisia, that wouldn't seem so hard. I know I need to replace my exercise ball... Bouncing has helped in the past.

 

It's amazing how hopeless waves can make me feel

[Rhiannon]

Are you sure there's no way you can get some more Wellbutrin to taper slower? I don't like the way this is going for you, and the last part of the taper is the part that needs to go slowest.

[Addax]

Rhi, after reading your post I called and mad an appt to see my PCP. I'm reluctant to reinstate some of the Wellbutrin, but I'm not feeling good about where this is going. It's been 2 weeks since I went to 8mg x2, so I would have thought this would have passed.

It's strange how tapering had made me feel better and less activated, then have the last cut have almost opposit effect. But yeah, I lost sight of that increased sensitivity at the lower doses... Damn it.

 

Does the 1/2 life of these meds shorten at lower doses? Because I remember the article saying something about the liver metabolizing the drugs more quickly at the low doses. Or I think I do...

[rapunzel2]

How are you doing now?

 

Does the 1/2 life of these meds shorten at lower doses? Because I remember the article saying something about the liver metabolizing the drugs more quickly at the low doses. Or I think I do...

 

my experience has been that prozac withdrawal kickes in sooner the lower I go with the dose. When I started at 40mg, it took about 1-1,5 weeks to kick in when I did a cut, now when I'm at 17,5, it takes me about 4-5 days. 

[Rhiannon]

I don't know the specifics with Wellbutrin but I know that lots of these meds do interfere with their own metabolism so it makes sense that they would be metabolized faster at lower doses. I also know, just from experience, that people often do better splitting their doses and taking some twice a day, at lower doses. I presume this is because the blood levels stay more smooth and less roller coaster.

 

Like I said, I know Alto says Wellbutrin is easier to taper, but I personally haven't found that to be the case (at least not at lower doses), and when you're already in withdrawal all bets are off and your body is the best expert.

 

Please check in and let us know how you're doing. 

[Rhiannon]

Also, re this: "It's strange how tapering had made me feel better and less activated, then have the last cut have almost opposit effect. But yeah, I lost sight of that increased sensitivity at the lower doses... Damn it."

 

There's a dance between the benefits of reduced dosage, and the symptoms of withdrawal, that everyone has to find their own way through. No easy answers for that. Yes, we feel better as we reduce dosage of a med that's causing unpleasant side effects, but we also have to deal with withdrawal, and that can be pretty damn unpleasant too. You have to just balance it yourself, dancing between a rock and a hard place.

 

Eventually you'll get to lower doses where the side effects will be minimized and then you just have to deal with withdrawal.

 

I think you just went too fast and too drastic with your Wellbutrin taper at a low dose when you were already sensitized. Just do what you need to do now to get stable, get back on track, and then take it slow. After 25 years, you can afford to take your time. It can be done. It's worth it.

[rapunzel2]

 

Eventually you'll get to lower doses where the side effects will be minimized and then you just have to deal with withdrawal.

 

 

that sounds so promising!  

 

the thing you wrote about dancing is so true..

[Meimeiquest]

Rhi, after reading your post I called and mad an appt to see my PCP. I'm reluctant to reinstate some of the Wellbutrin, but I'm not feeling good about where this is going. It's been 2 weeks since I went to 8mg x2, so I would have thought this would have passed.

It's strange how tapering had made me feel better and less activated, then have the last cut have almost opposit effect. But yeah, I lost sight of that increased sensitivity at the lower doses... Damn it.

Does the 1/2 life of these meds shorten at lower doses? Because I remember the article saying something about the liver metabolizing the drugs more quickly at the low doses. Or I think I do...

My experience with W was that it slowed my liver down ( it is an inhibitor of at least one isoenzyme) so I metabolized it faster as the dose dropped. By 16 mg I was dosing at least three times a day, maybe more, with a DIY solution.

[Addax]

Update: it got worse before it got better. I don't know if reinstating more Wellbutrin helped or not because I only added 2mg to each dose because I wasn't sure how much to add. In any event it didn't hurt and since yesterday things having been calm down. I had a couple days waking up with a panicked feeling, which was a new experience, and there were several days where the Akathisia seemed to last into the evening. While is sucked, it was still relatively tolerable I guess. The depression and accompanying negative thoughts and demotivation was probably the worst part, as neither have been as pronounced during other waves as they were this time. It was also difficult to focus, making reading anything longer than a paragraph hard to follow and extremely uncomfortable. Today there was some sense of fear and tightness in my chest, but it dissipated pretty quickly. I still seem to be getting caught in a negative thought cycle, but I think it's better today. In general I think the wave crested and I'm doing better... I hope so.

 

One thing I do have to check on is how I made and administered my homemade liquid Prozac. I went to make more today and pulled out a bottle of 10mg capsules... I've been making the liquid using 20mg capsules. I noticed before I broke open the capsule, but it had me wonder if whether I'd made the same mistake last time but hadn't noticed, which would have effectively cut my 9mg down to 4.5... Which may be what caused this horrible wave... Maybe. Unfortunately I discarded the capsule from last time, so there's really now way of knowing. I hate withdrawal

[Rhiannon]

I would recommend hanging on for a while at your current doses (20 of Wellbutrin, 9 of Prozac) until you're feeling pretty stable, then continue your taper. I'd also say go to a more normal taper rate with the Wellbutrin, the usual 10% of current dose type taper. You've come down quite a lot from 75 mg a day two months ago and 150 mg in what, April or so? Give your CNS some time to adjust. 

 

Like I have said, I personally have not seen (for myself or other people) that Wellbutrin is such an exception to the "taper slowly" rule. Although in your case you've tapered pretty drastically and you're doing better than I would have expected, so maybe there's something to it. Given this recent setback, though, please be cautious going forward.

[Addax]

It would appear the wave has passed, although it left me a bit shell-shocked.

 

I'm still not sure if the wave was caused by the speed of the Wellbutrin taper, or an accidental use of a 10mg capsule to make my Prozac liquid instead of the 20mg capsules I've been using. The capsules are generic and look very similar: both are white with two lines or really, dashes. The difference is that one has two blue dashes and and the other has one blue and one black.

 

The one thing that leads me to think I may have inadvertently used a 10mg capsule (cutting my dose by 50%) is that when I mixed my next batch and used it I got a small rash. Almost like hives, which was reminiscent of the ones I used to get at the higher doses I was taking prior to tapering. I also felt a little more tired. Like I said, I guess there's no way of knowing and correlation does not mean causation. I do know that I won't make that mistake again. The 10mg are now stored far away from the 20. I also know that regardless of which drug was the culprit I'm not sure I could have survived had the wd symptoms lasted much longer. I am thankful they didn't get worse... That insuring I used the 20 or up-dosing the Wellbutrin saved me from that.

[rapunzel2]

I'm glad that your wave is passing!

 

I had similar concerns last week... I was too drousy and just couldn't remember, did I take my dose of Prozac this day or didn't. it was scary! because the options were that I would miss a dose, or would take double accidentally - neither of the options are good! From then on I again used my pill organizer... otherwise I just don't remember what I have taken or not.

 

it sounds like you could have different culprits - accidental lower dose of prozac, too fast wellbutrin withdrawal, or maybe 4 months from too fast prozac cuts. I'm also like you - I get the most severe problems approximately 4-5 months after cutting too fast (learned this in very painful way in 2012). 

 

I'm glad things are stabilizing but I suggest a long hold now, to calm things down and to heal your nervous system before it's able to tolerate any more changes. 

[Addax]

Ha! I was slammed 4 months after a too quick Prozac taper in 2012 as well.

 

I will definitely be holding for a while.

[rapunzel2]

damn this 2012! it was a hell of a year!

[Rhiannon]

WHEW. Good to hear it's settling down! Yay Addax!

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling better, hose waves always feel like the worst and feel like they will never end! 

[Addax]

Thank you for stoping by and the 'yay's, Repunzel, Rhi, and mammaP!

 

I'm a horrible, impatient member! I just knew it wasn't the Welbutrin cut that knocked me on my butt. I've been just about positive it was my screw-up when I made my liquid Prozac. So horrible, impatient me cut Wellbutrin by 50%... And I'm fine. I know it was risky, but I'm so sure it was my screw up that I felt confident I'd be alright. And I am. I've only been taking Wellbutrin for a year now, so maybe that's why?

 

As far as the Prozac: I'm trying to remind myself that a PLANNED 10% reduction will be a different experience than an accidental 50% reduction. It scares me thinking about cutting the Prozac. I've held at 9mg for about 4 months now and felt very stable and almost normal most of the time. The recent self-inflicted wave has me so nervous that I'll be giving that up. I'm toying with the idea of 5% cuts but also want to see if I can tolerate 10%. Of course 10% also means I'm off it sooner. :/

 

Having been on Prozac for the majority of my life, I've found myself wondering if my life and I would be different had Prozac never been a part of it...

[rapunzel2]

I totally understand!!! I'm glad that you feel you can decrease wellbutrin faster. at least one drug will be out of system! do hold now and observe carefully, maybe the withdrawal comes a little late.

 

I also feel that prozac for me is the worst to decrease. my other drug, seroquel, is not as devil at all. prozac will give me awful withdrawal symtoms even with very small cuts (like 2,5%). 

 

I'm also toying with the idea to move on with prozac withdrawal, because I feel very good. at the same time, I sooooooo don't want the withdrawal symptoms!!! and I do need to stay functional. tough choices. 

[Addax]

It is a tough choice... Knowing you're functional vs risking withdrawal symptoms. Maybe, just maybe, when we taper the Prozac we'll find our anticipation of withdrawal symptoms far outweighs the actual symptoms we end up with. I know for me I've been anticipating them for a while now, and with the recent error in my dosing and resulting symptoms I'm a bit gun shy.

[Petunia]

Hi Addax,

I've just been reading through part of your thread.  I"ve had some experience of taking and stopping wellbutrin (called zyban here) while still being on long term SSRI use.  I don't think its listed in my signature, not sure why, maybe I forgot.

 

I wanted to try it to counteract some of the negative effects of Lexapro.  I noticed a small improvement in mood and energy, but nothing major.  I think I took it for about 3 months.  When I stopped, I just stopped CT and don't remember getting any withdrawal symptoms from it at all, just that I returned to my previous low energy, lack of motivated state caused by lexapro.

 

 

As far as the Prozac: I'm trying to remind myself that a PLANNED 10% reduction will be a different experience than an accidental 50% reduction. It scares me thinking about cutting the Prozac. I've held at 9mg for about 4 months now and felt very stable and almost normal most of the time. The recent self-inflicted wave has me so nervous that I'll be giving that up. I'm toying with the idea of 5% cuts but also want to see if I can tolerate 10%. Of course 10% also means I'm off it sooner. :/
 

 

When I dropped from a whole lexapro, (which is a SSRI and similar to Prozac) to half, all I noticed was a decrease in side effects, when I went from half to a quarter I noticed no difference at all.  Problems began from there.  But I kept going and jumped off an eight tablet after doing the alternate days thing for a few weeks. My serious problems didn't start until I was completely off the SSRI. This didn't make any sense to me until I saw the article and charts which dcrmt posted here

 

According to the study and charts linked above, the majority of withdrawal effects should become evident as the dose gets lower and starts to slip below the 'therapeutic level'.

 

I'm one of those people who have already done a too-fast taper and end up suffering for years; you're in the position where you can do it right.  Withdrawal symptoms while still tapering can be managed and controlled.

 

I think you will be fine as long as you are prepared to listen to your body, reduce cuts and increase holds if withdrawal symptoms do occur.   Consider 5% or lower cuts and long holds, if necessary, even if it takes several years to completely get off.

 

You have done really well getting down to 9mg from 60mg and I'm sure this has reduced the toxic effects of the drug considerably.

 

Petu.

[Addax]

I had been offline for a few days and had meant to respond to your post sooner, Petu. Thank you for the link.  I'd been looking for that article. Also, thank you for sharing your experience.

 

As I just mentioned in another post, my impatience can be my downfall.  And despite my own trepidation, my instinct saying I should start with 5% and Petu's suggestion of the same, I am reporting that I made a 10% cut to my prozac dose.  Or approximately 10% as it's difficult to judge a .09 drop. So I'm at 8.1 mg as of 2 days ago.

 

I think it's early to really know anything yet, but I'm definitely feeling flu-like symptoms: A bit achy, definite fatigue and sleepiness, and feverish.  I haven't' taken my temperature, but I feel warm.  But here's my question: The lymph nodes in my neck are swollen and I have some breast tenderness as well.  I don't know if swollen lymph nodes or breast tenderness are included in the withdrawal flu-like symptoms. I haven't heard of this and am wondering if perhaps I'm just actually ill. I'm not really sure what to do and wondering if I should wait a few days to see if any of the symptoms subside.  

 

I admit, I'm nervous about this first cut.  Very nervous.  I don't know if the fatigue is depression or just fatigue and part of the withdrawal flu-like stuff.  Or is it too soon to tell and I'm sick?!  I have so much work I need to do and am fearing falling into the grips of anxiety and/or Akathisia and being unable to function... it's laughable really.  With my fears and the advice my own good sense is over ridden by my stubborn impatience.  Some dumb game of chicken I'm playing with myself?

 

I hate this.  Hate it.  I've resigned myself to reinstating to 8.5 if things get worse, but I feel like I had to try at 10%.

[Petunia]

I am reporting that I made a 10% cut to my prozac dose.  Or approximately 10% as it's difficult to judge a .09 drop. So I'm at 8.1 mg as of 2 days ago.

 

Thanks for the update Addax, when you get a chance, would you add that to your signature.

 

But here's my question: The lymph nodes in my neck are swollen and I have some breast tenderness as well.  I don't know if swollen lymph nodes or breast tenderness are included in the withdrawal flu-like symptoms. I haven't heard of this and am wondering if perhaps I'm just actually ill. I'm not really sure what to do and wondering if I should wait a few days to see if any of the symptoms subside.

From what I've learned since joining this site, I've realized that withdrawal symptoms can effect almost any body part in any way.  The way I think about new symptoms arising is that I automatically assume its withdrawal related and expect that it will pass.  Of course if something seems serious, gets progressively worse or doesn't go away, then its wise to seek medical advise. 

 

 

I admit, I'm nervous about this first cut.  Very nervous.  I don't know if the fatigue is depression or just fatigue and part of the withdrawal flu-like stuff.  Or is it too soon to tell and I'm sick?!  I have so much work I need to do and am fearing falling into the grips of anxiety and/or Akathisia and being unable to function... it's laughable really.  With my fears and the advice my own good sense is over ridden by my stubborn impatience.  Some dumb game of chicken I'm playing with myself?

 

I hate this.  Hate it.  I've resigned myself to reinstating to 8.5 if things get worse, but I feel like I had to try at 10%.

 

I don't think its unreasonable to want to find out if you can tolerate a 10% cut.  You will probably be fine, but now your doubts and anxious thinking may be sabotaging your experiment. You made a good decision to try a 10% cut, so accept that the decision is made and try and disconnect emotionally from the outcome.  Track, rate and log your daily symptoms, so you will have a clear record, but then change your focus and get on with your life for the next 4 weeks.  Use tools from the symptoms and self care section if you need to.  If symptoms suddenly get significantly worse and you can't function, then of course updose. But thinking about what might happen, is not helpful, it causes stress, which then leads to increased symptoms.

 

You will be ok, you are in control of a safe tapering plan.

[Addax]

Thank you Petu. Your words are so sane and reassuring. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

 

My lymph nodes are no longer swollen, but fatigue and some overlying sadness still remain. That being said it's been a difficult week on a few levels. The most significant being A dear friend dying, not knowing her death would come so quickly, and not making it to see her in time after not having seen her in over a year. Its the first time someone close to me has died while I haven't been on 60mg of Prozac. The rawness of the grief I FEEL is disturbing because I honestly don't know if it's over the top or simply how people experience grief. So strange not knowing myself. I wish I could differentiate between grief and withdrawal and myself. Funny how I want to up-dose so quickly to avoid feeling.

 

Sadness seems to coloring everything. My attitude, my perception of people, my perception of people's perception of me, my perception of my interactions with people. Intellectually, whether grief or withdrawal, I know it will pass, but damn, it feels like it won't. It feels like this sadness is now who I am. It feels permanent. Hopefully my intellect wins out.

 

But you are right, I shouldn't focus on this. I'll experience it, note it, and try not dwell on it. I can see how easy it might be to sabotage myself.