LexAnger: tapering or no tapering, generic vs. name brand lexapro

[Cipramillion]

This is music in my ears, Lex! 

 

Reaction is a major factor even in such low doses. What relief it is to finally be off this poison! You are already feeling much better in just a short period of time off the drug , which i think is a very good sign. You will continue to heal. 

 

Im getting closer and closer to full recovery myself. Some days are better than others, but Im in the green zone most of the time 😊

 

 

[LexAnger]

Thank you so much my dear friends!

 

FSL, I'm so happy the updose didn't hurt you and you are moving along with your life! 10 K run says it all! You are doing great! I'm far from living life and doing much more than before except for tiny things. The improvement sounds great only because I was seriously disabled so it's in relative terms. I feel I'm now experiencing the wave and window pattern, quite heavy sxs today. But I'm still very grateful and hopeful. I have faith things will only get better from this point in a long run.

 

Cip, so glad to hear you are improving even more and close to full recovery!!!  Nothing else in the whole world can be more significant for us getting life back from this most horrible event! 

 

We all will make it out completely someday!

 

Love and hugs to you both!

lex

 

 

[ikam]

On ‎24‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 5:11 AM, LexAnger said:

One month since zero lexapro

 

time to get back to the lexapro page as the magnesium horror is all subsided mostly.

 

im seeing more windows each day with the following details.

 

The good:

• needling  -- changed to needling sensation not too painful
• stiff and stone head, neck, -- lessened 
• paralysis--only occasionally 
• Tight teeth-- gone
• strange brain sensation (tingling, bug crawling and others ) --gone
• blue/ darkened face color -- gone most days
• lifeless eyes--- more like old self
• passion for life and fun-- from 0 to 30%, can enjoy little things, thinking local travels and some outdoor activities
• emotion-- surfacing up with slight feeling of love sometimes, can laugh and cry watching movies
• social--more involving in talks, laughters
• cognitive-- from 5% to 20%
• left side numb/ pressure --- a bit less both in intensity and duration
• sleep-- 7 hrs, used to be 9 hrs now can see morning for the first time in years, can take 10-15 min walk outside. Somehow couldn't before even work out in gym is ok.
• bedridden--most times everyday changed to occationally only
• heart -- no more heart pounding (from each dose ) or any other heart issue
• more confident to make plans for short and light activities 

 

The same or bad,

• burning-- long lasting and intense when it happens, can be quite painful. usually every other day. DR always comes along together.which makes the brain off in a big way, and vision very blurry. The most disabling sxs for the current time, 
• pain head constant and intense.
• ear pain-- some night in sleep
• Random sick/ unwell feeling/ brain off still occur here and there

 

On average,  functionality increased from 5% to 30% although it still fluctuates by days and hours.

 

feeling progressing toward the pre drug-reaction time when I had only physical sxs pain and pressure. Mental, cognitive, DR, heart issues and other strange sensations and numed emotion all started since the drug reaction.

 

would be really happy if the DR can disappear then I should be able to handle the rest for as long as it takes.

 

still very  grateful to the amazing healing capability of the brain!

 

hope everyone is coping well! Like everyone says, just hang on, there will be an end of the suffer as long as we hang on.

 

love to all,

lex

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GREAT!!! Happy for you

[KarenRose]

Congratulations on a very impressive and arduous taper, so well done. I am very inspired.

[Gridley]

You have done great, Lex.  I really feel that the worst is behind you.

[Ali4]

Hey lex,

 

 how are you doing these days?

[AmyK]

Healing thoughts to you, dear Lex. 

Many hugs! 

[LexAnger]

Thank you all so much my dear friends! 

 

i will give a full major update at 2 months out when I can see a sure the pattern. 

 

A quick note for now, 6 weeks free from lexapro. 

I am still in windows and waves pattern with longer and clearer windows. I'm out of bed most time most days. Better Cognitive here and there. Physical sxs still show everyday and can be quite bad. Overall I'm more functional, much better than days on lexapro.

 

Healing is happening for sure!

 

Hope everyone Is coping well!

Love to all!

lex

[Gridley]

That is fantastic, Lex!

[Hopefull]

Hi LexAnger,

It is great to hear that you are doing better,  since you have been off Lexapro. 

It is very encouraging. 

Take care,  Hopefull.

[LexAnger]

Thanks all!

 

2 months update

 

 

unfortunately, was hit by a huge WD episode one week ago, 50 days since zero. It's getting stronger each day. Most horrifying sxs is the needling pain which I endured for years and just lessoned/ disappeared in the past 5 months ( replaced by burning ). 

 

It seems the body recognized all the drug residual is gone now and struggling with the true non drug environment but with the neurons still not waking up.

 

severe needling pain allover head and upper back alternating with numb/ paralysis left head and body every other day, very much like the 4 months early this year when I dropped from 0.8 to 0.1 mg quickly in a month.

 

bed ridden again most times.

 

had a super stressful 10 day prior to this started due to company layoff, but feel it's mainly the healing process rather than the stress.

 

so the battle is not over yet, not surprising. only hope it won't be too long like this, very profound and intolerable.

[LexAnger]

Oh, you kindest words and compassion is so dear to me, and very shoothing to my tored physical too!

 

i totally understand your decision. I actually feel it's a very wise one! Many times during the painful journey of tapering, I regret I ever took the road of getting off the meds, even it is the most evil thing in the whole world! Unfortunately I had no option but keep going due to drug reaction from updosing. 

 

I hope the baseline dose works for you as long as you want it to, and you can protect your body from being tortured and damaged without going through WD!  In case in future you decide to resume tapering, go as slow as possible.

 

enjoy life in full in all aspects! 

I hope to hear from you from time to time, you have been such a comfort and dear friend!

 

love and hugs!

lex

 

 

[grandmaD]

Not sure if you read the thread on prayer

 

I tried to send you a message and found an old one there never sent about the prayer for yo on that thread!  How come you don't get messages?

 

Just a quick hug and love to say you are not forgotten, but still pray for you and think of you often.

 

Have been following your thread and broken hearted about this devastating time of life, the horror of it all and so unfair, something none of us asked for or deserved.  You are a beautiful and precious darling and hope you continue to find the strength to fight this.  You have been a great inspiration and encouragement to me to keep going!  Bless you and take very good care of yourself.  I hope I can get back soon again ...  x

[AmyK]

Lex, sending hugs! I hope you feel better. It will get better. 

Were you affected by the company lay off? I hope not. 

 

Love, Amy

[grandmaD]

Hey LA, Been thinking of you and hope you are okay?  I continue to pray for you and trust you are staying strong.  Love and a hug x

[Frogie]

Hi Lex:

 

I just wondered how you are doing and feeling?

 

I hope well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[LexAnger]

My dear friends, I'm sorry for not being around as often lately but each of you and many others I befriended here in the past many years are all in my mind and heart! Even I won't be here as often in future, I will check on you all from time to time until your final good news!

 

dear GrandmaD, you always warm my heart. I can feel the deep touch even when I'm so numbed emotionally. I am so glad finally you are stablizing after 6 month holding! God, your incredible patience and streghth is finally paid off! I'm truely happy that you are having a break! I only hope it last long and your body get a chance to rest and your soul in peace and joy! You are always in my prayer!

 

dear Amy, I always think about how you are doing. I know you must have been walking the last few bumps toward the final forever open land, and I'm so glad you are now porogressing significantly. I have faith this is the last fight and you are so close to full recovery! We walked side by side for so long and your consistent support pulled me out many times I will never forget your friendship!

 

frogie, I hope you and your beautiful brownie are doing just fine! Your have such a kind heart to people and animals. You are an aspiration to everyone trying to help others even you are in such a difficult time!

 

FSL, you are such a sweetheart! I wish you are doing great and hear from your continuous wellbeing from time to time. I will for sure  check on you once in a while.

 

10 week update 

im still having heavy symptoms most days with days or hours break not as bad. I think I can call it windows and waves although the windows were not very clear.

 

the same sure improvement since zero continued, that I'm not in bed much, often times  not house bound either, so that's definite improvement regardless the heavy symptoms, one day with numb, pressure, stiff and paralysis ( lessoned than before) left side head to toe, and the other day severe burning allover.

 

Overall physical sxs are pretty much same except for the deep needling pain changed to burning not as deep or painful.

Cognitive didn't improve much when in a wave or with severe physical sxs, better in a window.

The most bothersome DR is still there everyday especially in early evening severe for couple hours before lessening by bed time. Something else I'm not sure if it's related, that I lost 4 pounds in the past month or two without change of anything diet, exercise, etc. I'm now at the blunder line of under weight so hope it stops here. 

 

Felt heart wrong couple times but other time all heart issues are gone.

pain head, deep tissue everywhere goes with other sxs up and down.

motivation is better thinking more about life etc. not like before feeling end of all and hopeless 

very esy get stressed especially at work with the super unprofessional behavior of the new boss

sleep 6-8 hours

gym everyday as before but not feeling desparate to go for relief, more like for excercise now.

OCD quite obvious especially with the garage door, almost had to drive back to double check  everyday 

skin super dry and speedy wrinkles shown, regardless how much moisturizer I apply, it's not from the recent dry weather here in SC.

 

i would say things did improve if I think hard and look the big pictures, even i don't feel so when in a wave, or due to the up and down pattern. I have more faith the brain is healing, only so slow that often time I feel it's not. 

 

 

sending healing vibes to all!

lex

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LexAnger]

Thank you dear FSL!

how are you doing?

 

had a real bad day today with super tension talking to my new boss then felt almost like a panic the rest day with heart pounding, extreme anxious, DR, dry mouth, and overall fainting and very sick and brain melting down completely.

 

almost like the time after the magnesium attack.

 

please try everything possible to avoid stressful situation during this process, especially after zero dose. I barely had emotion including reaction to stress while on lexapro. Now my nerve system is over reacting to unpleasant situations causing huge harm to the healing process.

[Cipramillion]

Hi, Lex! 

 

Im in the same boat. Emotionally stressfull  situations are a huge trigger in this phase. My reactions are not as severe as you describe, but still it can feel pretty bad sometimes. My sleep gets worse after episodes like that. Takes a couple of days to get back to normal. 

 

Just hang in there. This is part of the healing process, and you will get stronger in time. So glad to hear you are still off the med. 

 

Love and hugs

Cip

[LexAnger]

Oh dear, do I miss seeing you  Cup?! On the other hand, I feel it's a good sign that you are doing well.

im sorry you are going through the emotional phase too. My sleep was already impacted last night, hope it won't throw me off completely tonight. I do hope this is also part of healing process, as used to have similar issues pre lex although symptoms are mainly anxious, OCD  not like the current ones.

 

i hope it subsides in couple days too. Last time with magnesium it lasted a good two weeks. 

 

How have you been otherwise? 

 

I often think of you. 

Big hugs!!

lex

 

 

[Cipramillion]

I often think of you too. Im sorry for not being more on these forums. My life is really busy these days. Beside from the above (mostly neuro emotions), Im in a good spot at the moment.

 

Things are starting to get more and more back to normal for me. Im 100% functional and the worst symptoms are behind me. Scary to think about how just a small dose of Lexapro sent me in this hole and took 2 years of my life. I try not to be bitter and focus on the good days ahead. Im so lucky i found this site. The slow tapper and lifestyle/stress managements have been absolutely crucial. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger. 

 

Nothing makes me more happy than seeing you guys making progress too. The waves will get fewer and more Windows will come for you. You are in my heart and i will be here to support you, friend. 

 

I’ll be back soon. 

 

Big hug! 

[LexAnger]

I'm so happy for you Cip that you are  continuing doing well with 100% functional and worst sxs are behind you!

Don't ever feel sorry if you don't feel the need to be here. As a matter of fact, knowing you are doing well and without hearing you is a sign that you are still doing well or most likely even better makes me happier!!

 

The neuro emotion can be tougher than physical ones in my opinion. I had mild OCD and lower tolerance to stress before lex time, so maybe it's partially my original status returning without lex suppressing them, still many more and severe sxs now so it must also from the drug. After all these years changes to the brain by the drug, no way of knowing what my current brain has changed to. 

 

Your wisdom toward being positive post the trauma is very impressive and a great example to all of us as I found it very difficult not to feel buttery and self pity sometimes. It seems I feel that way more when I'm not in survival mood while I don't have the full focus on sxs. I hope eventually this emotion will go away too. 

 

Still, I'm very happy to hear from you!!

 

lex with respects and love!

 

[LexAnger]

Dear FSL, thank you for your consistent support and care! It  always gives me a warm feeling hearing you!

 

Do you find the less energy thing new since updose? i hope it's temporary and you regain your amazing energy back and resuming to run soon! 

 

I have been having ear pain during my taper in the past couple years, and it is still with me now. It is a WD sxs for me. I only had tinnitus couple times only during magnesium reaction, and now from the recent nervous breakdown. This particular sxs is closely associated with anxiet for my case so far. Extremely uncomfortable and soul shaking even it was very short lived like a few seconds. I hope yours is occational too.

 

you know sometimes ( many times in the past when in deepest despair and pain), I regret I ever choose this path of getting off the med. the loss of life, the extreme and seemingly forever tourtur and everything else it destroyed is just too much for any human being. I hope you stabilize fully soon and continue your life as full as possible!

 

i will stay around and update all the way till my full recovery!

 

love and hugs,

lex

[LexAnger]

A quick update to the first neuro emotion episode, a perfect nervous breakdown as defined in Dr Clauries weeks book.

 

thankfully, the episode subsided mostly on day 3 with only occational anxious feeling here and there when the OCD of the trigger ramps up shortly, but I am able to contain it quickly and channel it out somehow.

 

i was feeling total drained, dread, and lost, and insane during the 3 day acute period since the emotion expliosion from that talk. No matter how hard I try, the only thing in my mind is the very negative thinking about the very trigger, all the time as long as I'm not in sleep, I could feel the quick effect of these thoughts on bringing up all sorts of symptoms anxious, heart pounding, akethesia, brain melting down, shaking, extreme fatigue, hot flushes, chill, sleep disorder. 

 

I started reading Dr Claire Weekes book kindly recommended by TheWayBack on the first day since the nervous breakdown. After the first two chapters when I learned what I was having is a nervous breakdown caused by neuro emotion overacting to stress, I was able to think somewhat out of the box knowing that it's more because my over sensitized nerves rather than the situation is truly that bad for my reaction, or should I say I wouldn't have reacted that strongly even it is indeed very distressing. 

 

Keep thinking this way I was gradually getting the cause/ trigger out of my mind. By this morning, when I suddenly started a samall and short positive thinking ( traval plan), I know the wave peak is over. I literally felt like a glimpse of sunshine with the heavy storm moving out.

 

i also read a series of the post from brassmonkey on neuro emotion, channelling of anger etc. it's a great writing and I feel it should be added to Dr Claire book! For reference to anyone might find it helpful, I will copy the link to that thread in my next post.

 

[LexAnger]

 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Hi Lex--  I so impressed with the way you were able to handle your wave of neuro emotions, well done.  It takes a huge amount of energy to go through something like that and it will really leave you drained.  Take good care of yourself the next few days. I found the first several months after "0" to have a lot of ups and downs with the overall movement to the positive. So you should be seeing things getting a lot better.  

 

 I'm so glad that my posts on Emotional Spirals were able to help you.  To be compared to Dr. Weeke's  work is quite and honor, thank you.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[scottly9999]

Hi Lex

How are you travelling?

I was just reading through your thread - I've practically avoided S.A. most of the time these days - I'm not as fully consumed with emotions, more nagging emotions than anything.

 

I do hope you are experiencing a pleasant window - hopefully in time for the festive season.

 

I see you're reading Clare Weekes book.

It seems yuo've been hit with unbelievable emotions and waves since fully being off the drugs.

It's the worst.

How are your physical symptoms???

[LexAnger]

Hi Scottly,

 

yeah, as I didn't experience much emotional roller coaster while on lexapro, I thought I was not badly damaged in that department until after I'm completely off for a while. My first anxiety attack started and induced by two doses of 10 mg Magnesium which lasted for two weeks during my first month off lex. About two weeks ago after lots cumulative stress at work, first the layoff, then very hectic environment at work, I had another nervous breakdown, which lasted another two weeks until today when I finally felt getting over with it. Unfortunately I had another breakdown today taking to my old boss. The situation is indeed very unhealthy and even toxic but on the other hand, I can tell my system is very fragile handling stressful situation.

 

i now have great fear to deal with ppl at work, as slightest thing can throw my system to roof.

 

my physical sxs are pretty much the same, with some improved ( not bed ridden as much, can take a walk outside) or changed (deep needling pain to burning) and others remained the same ( numb, paralysis, pain, DR,), slight better motivation to do things,

 

how ow are you doing? 

 

Lex

[grandmaD]

Hi Lex,

How horrendous, it is great to be right off the stuff, but sorry you seem to have got a lot worse since.  I am still travelling with you, and praying for you and especially pray for this coming year to be a real big turn around for you!  I wish you a lovely Christmas, love, peace and joy.  x

 

PS There is another very good book similar to Claire W called Dare by Barry Donaghe.

[Cipramillion]

Wish you all the best for christmas and a happy new year, friend! 

 

Lots of hugs and warm thoughts! 

 

Cip

[AmyK]

From me too, Lexanger. I hope youall the best for 2018. Merry Christmas! ❤

Love, Amy

[LexAnger]

Thank you grandmas for watching me all the time! I will check out the book.

 

Yeah, it seems the war won't end anytime soon. I'm adjusting my mindset again as always. Such a journey! 

 

Hope you are doing still ok! 

[LexAnger]

So happy to see you all my dear friends! 

You all are part of my life now! 

 

Wish you all a joyful holiday with peace, happiness and better health during the holiday and in the new years that come!

 

Love,

Lex

[LexAnger]

Oh thank you my dear friend! 

I hit the worst wd these days being off for 100 days today. Very intolerable burning, needling, pocking, itching, pain allover plus the emotional over acting behaviors include anxious, ocd ans sxs like akathesia and heart pounding.

 

It's beyond unbelievable how my system is damaged putting the poison into my body for 9 years making me shiver only think of it.

 

Also just read aeroman update about thr hit he got from alcohol. The more I experience with the whole thing, the more i feel hopeless for recovery. I feel from day one I took the med, my life has been and will be forever doomed.

 

Hope you are doing OK.

 

Lex

 

 

 

 

[LexAnger]

Such a blessing having you be there for me during these insane times!

 

the company shut down for the holiday and I haven't been working for the past two weeks until yesterday which helped great deal for the huge wave. I requested to work from home so to rest in bed when I need. I was able to take care some emails etc and a few online trainings the past two daye. I don't know how I did those even as my whole exist is like a distant blur and the physical pain is very hard to bear.

 

i still try to go to gym most evenings. It still provides some relief as always, but only temporary 

 

im glad you are doing well dear FSL! You keep the great work and be well forever! This journey is pure incredible and impossible when you are going through each moment like this  for so long. Well no other options but continue...

 

love

lex

[savinggrace]

Hi Lex,

just checking in to see how you are doing.  What a blessing that you are able to work from home.  As hard as that must be, it is a very good distraction from your pain and other symptoms, and will serve you well.  I think part of my problem is that I don't have that many "have-to's" in my life... I am retired...so not having "have-to's" is a blessing and a curse.  I am pretty good at distracting myself, but not working or having a social life leaves way too much time for "ruminatiion."

 

Your brain might be struggling, but if you are able to do you work to the satisfaction of your superiors, then your brain is still functioning quite highly!

 

I hope you have had a break from the horrendous pain you were in when we last communicated.

 

Take care,

Grace