DruggedinJapan: being prescribed lots of meds: scared

[bubble]

I'm sorry you are feeling so unwell.

 

I can't really help you with the questions you have but just wanted to reply so that you know you have been heard and that you are not alone.

 

We are here from different sides of the world and in different time zones so our friends in the States who have most knowledge (including Alto) are probably still sleeping. 

 

So if you manage to go to bed and get some rest, by the time you in the Far East wake up you will have answers to your questions.

 

You will go thorugh this. The decision on medication and doses can wait a little bit. Now just try to calm down: you will get better.

 

I wish I could do more for you at this point...

 

sending big hug 

 

bubble

[DruggedinJapan]

Thank you so much Bubble.

 

 

 

you will get better.

 

I really needed to have somebody say that.

 

Right now I am feeling the worst I have in years, and find that really hard to believe.

 

[dalsaan]

I can't answer your benzo questions either. I can advise that the sleep effects of mirtazapine are usually felt more strongly at lower doses than higher doses. This means you may have less need for the sleeping tablet- no guarantee but some people do experience it that way. Can you remember what it was like when you were on 15 mg.

 

I'm confident you will be in a better place when you work out what to do about the benzos and stabilise. I know it's hard but you are taking charge of your health and well being. Good on you

 

Dalsaan

[DruggedinJapan]

Thanks very much dalsaan.

 

 

 

I can advise that the sleep effects of mirtazapine are usually felt more strongly at lower doses than higher doses. This means you may have less need for the sleeping tablet- no guarantee but some people do experience it that way. Can you remember what it was like when you were on 15 mg.

 

I can't remember exactly. I was drinking on and off then. They were first prescribed for my sleep though, and they do relax me and make me drowsy. I have been taking ambien for most of the time I have been on mirtazapine, and continued with the ambien even at times I had stopped mirtazapine - and started again, so it's difficult to tell. I was taking mitazapine to relax when i came home of an evening, then would take mirtazapine and ambien before sleep.

 

 

 

I'm confident you will be in a better place when you work out what to do about the benzos and stabilise.

 

Thank you. I have never felt so bad after stopping alcohol in the past. I usually began to feel better before too long, but I have never changed medication at the same time. It must be the cocktail of benzos - and the changes in sleeping pills. I have changed sleeping pills 3 times. 

 

Ambien doesn't seem so bad anymore! 

 

 

 

I know it's hard but you are taking charge of your health and well being. Good on you

 

 

Thanks again. Although I feel terrible now - I am fighting harder than ever before. The fact that 10 years have flown by and I'm getting worse instead of better has really hit me in the face and  scared me.

[DruggedinJapan]

The Tinnitus is quite severe. Loud ringing and my ears sometimes throb loud with my heartbeat. 

[Skyler]

The Tinnitus is quite severe. Loud ringing and my ears sometimes throb loud with my heartbeat. 

This is because you have made so many cuts and changes of late. Can you go back up on something until you stabilize? And prn dosing is a contributing factor. Tinnitus can worsen within hours of making a change.

 

Tinnitus is my most troublesome WD symptom. There is a thread on tinnitus in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1736-tinnitus-what-does-all-that-noise-mean/?hl=tinnitus

[DruggedinJapan]

Thanks Skyler.

 

It's made me feel better knowing that Tinnitus is so common. I thought I was losing my mind!

 

You guys are great!

 

 

 

Can you go back up on something until you stabilize?

 

I have etizolam, lorazepam and valium. I am waiting for some advice on what to do. I hope somebody can help me with advice on sleeping meds too.

[Skyler]

I have etizolam, lorazepam and valium. I am waiting for some advice on what to do. I hope somebody can help me with advice on sleeping meds too.

Hi Drugged.. you have had considerable advice that does cover this. See Alto's post below. And Rhi has given you 3 very considered responses that are full of valuable advice. You would do well to go back and reread those.

 

It sounds like you are experiencing benzo withdrawal syndrome. For some people, the withdrawal symptoms persist. Doctors are in denial about this. They get people addicted and then ignore the withdrawal difficulties.

 

If I were you, I'd ask for a lower dose of etizolam, perhaps 3mg per day, to replace the other benzos and stabilize on the etizolam.

 

Benzo withdrawal is not the focus of this site, though you might look here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/

 

There are a number of specialized benzo withdrawal groups on Facebook, such as https://www.facebook.com/groups/112449132147409/

 

About Rozerem: The manufacturer claims there are no withdrawal symptoms -- but that's what ALL the drug manufacturers said about ALL psychiatric drugs. Rozerem is prescribed infrequently so information on withdrawal difficulties is scarce. I would count on tapering it.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I believe someone gave you the link to the benzo forum run by our members here of which Skyler is a prominent member. I believe they can help you. You have to be logged in to SA to see it in the forum list:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/

 

It and 'off topic' are only visible to our members. Keeps the search bots out.

 

Alto and Rhi gave you some suggestions earlier in your thread. Keeping up with the AA stuff is a must. If you don't want to try the online groups (but I hope you do), at least read some of the literature every day and try to find an online sponsor or even someone you can talk to over the phone, an American in your city. I am sure AA central can put you in touch with someone.

 

I have tinnitus too.

 

Oops, Skyler and I were posting at the same time. Sorry.

[bubble]

 

I have etizolam, lorazepam and valium. I am waiting for some advice on what to do. I hope somebody can help me with advice on sleeping meds too.

Hi Drugged.. you have had considerable advice that does cover this. See Alto's post below. And Rhi has given you 3 very considered responses that are full of valuable advice. You would do well to go back and reread those.

 

It sounds like you are experiencing benzo withdrawal syndrome. For some people, the withdrawal symptoms persist. Doctors are in denial about this. They get people addicted and then ignore the withdrawal difficulties.

 

If I were you, I'd ask for a lower dose of etizolam, perhaps 3mg per day, to replace the other benzos and stabilize on the etizolam.

 

Benzo withdrawal is not the focus of this site, though you might look here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/

 

There are a number of specialized benzo withdrawal groups on Facebook, such as https://www.facebook.com/groups/112449132147409/

 

About Rozerem: The manufacturer claims there are no withdrawal symptoms -- but that's what ALL the drug manufacturers said about ALL psychiatric drugs. Rozerem is prescribed infrequently so information on withdrawal difficulties is scarce. I would count on tapering it.

 

 

If I can support Din Japan: I I'm also a bit at a loss of what exactly his next step should be.

 

Ok, he takes 3 mg of etizolam per day but what does he do with lorazepam and valium: starts tapering them one by one or something else?

 

I apologise if Rhi answered that question before...

 

What I know from my experience, one of the first things I had to learn was not to have a knee-jerk reaction to symptoms by taking medication as I see you Drugged are doing (when you have an exceptionally bad night - take Valium). They taught me here to look for alternative ways of dealing with those symptoms by paying frequent visits to Symptoms and self-care section or simply believing it will pass on its own (and it did - it felt like miracle: No drug but the symptom still passed as a cramp or a colic). If bad night meant anxiety, I would take magnesium and focus on breathing, or just pacing the flat (or reading things on the forum

 

But if you are taking Valium often it means you will have to taper it and it's better you take it regularly than as needed because CNS thrives on stability. And benzos are not like fever-reducing drugs although it might feel they reduce the "fever"  but they trigger all sorts of negative reactions in the aftermath...

[Skyler]

But if you are taking Valium often it means you will have to taper it and it's better you take it regularly than as needed because CNS thrives on stability. And benzos are not like fever-reducing drugs although it might feel they reduce the "fever"  but they trigger all sorts of negative reactions in the aftermath...

Bubble..it appears the benzos may need a cross taper and DJ would be best to contact the benzo group Alto linked on Facebook. Also, I support holding the benzo once that is stabilized, and taper the most activating meds first.

 

DJ... once you get the benzo situation sorted out, it will be easier for folks here to direct you. but don't reduce anymore of your meds until you have a good strategy in place.

[bubble]

I found what Rhi wrote about the first steps: 

 

(please correct me if I'm wrong and I know it's on the Drugged to make a decision but it seems Rhi advised stabilising on valium...

 

 

Yes, it's going to take a while to get off the meds and feel normal again. You've been on and off a lot of meds for ten years.
 
You're probably experiencing withdrawal from the Ambien right now as well as the Valium, and you've also very recently quit drinking, so I'm not surprised you're not feeling well and you're having trouble sleeping.
 
Roserem may be making you feel worse http://www.drugs.com/sfx/rozerem-side-effects.html 

It's actually not uncommon for people to develop a drinking problem, sometimes other drugs as well, after starting on antidepressants. We see it here pretty often. The ADs cause side effects and we tend to self-medicate for those side effects, I think, or there may be something else going on, not sure, I just know that I've seen it a lot and I drank a lot more when I was on ADs than I do now myself.

Here are my suggestions for you:

Think of this time right now as a healing and stabilizing and learning time. There's no easy solution for what you're going through right now and given how quickly you've come off Ambien and Valium you are likely to be feeling worse before you feel better. Plus it sounds like that Rozerem doesn't make a person feel so great either maybe.

If it were me, I would see if I could get a prescription for a low dose of Valium, maybe 2-5 mg, and stabilize on that for a few months and then taper off properly. I would probably also go back to a small dose of Ambien (2.5 mg is half of the smallest tablet they make) and stop the Rozerem, because better the bad drug you know than the bad drug you don't. With those drugs, at three weeks out the withdrawal is only beginning, especially with the Valium. Also, it's best to take a small dose daily rather than take it intermittently, which is playing pingpong with your brain.

Then I would stay on those dosages of things for at least a few months, until you have time to recover and stabilize from all the most recent changes you've been through. Quitting drinking in itself is a big change and I think you should probably explore finding some support--AA, counseling, or just supportive friends.

While you're stabilizing, read through the materials on tapering and withdrawal on this website. All the topics that are "pinned" at the tops of the pages and all the links that are in those topics. Also, after a few weeks, get a copy of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker and read that.

This is going to be a project on the same scale as going back to college and getting a graduate degree. Begin to think of it and accept it as such.

The sooner you accept that this is going to be a long and not-easy process, the better, and the more likely you'll stand a chance of actually succeeding.

I'll be perfectly frank, in my experience it takes a lot of determination and strength and courage, and a lot of willingness to listen and learn and work hard and change and endure, for someone with a history like yours to stand a chance of getting off meds. It can be done, however. Many people with worse histories have done it. It usually takes two to five years to get through the process.

[bubble]

 

But if you are taking Valium often it means you will have to taper it and it's better you take it regularly than as needed because CNS thrives on stability. And benzos are not like fever-reducing drugs although it might feel they reduce the "fever"  but they trigger all sorts of negative reactions in the aftermath...

Bubble..this appears to need a cross taper and DJ would be best to contact the benzo group Alto linked on Facebook. Also, I support holding the benzo once that is stabilized, and taper the most activating meds first.

 

 

 

thanks Skyler on Drugged's behalf! now I get it...

 

he will have to learn first what a cross taper is.... But since this site specialises in antidepressants (as the name says), this discussion should be better taken elsewhere...

[Rhiannon]

Yes, the benzo discussion should be in the benzo area.

 

If he's going to reinstate on the etizolam (sounds like he has) then my suggestion regarding Valium is no longer valid and I remove it. 

 

Also, in general I am hesitant to give advice in this situation.. He is getting contradictory advice from his physician and seems to be getting confused between his physician's advice and ours. 

 

I feel that this person needs to educate himself more about the drugs he's on and about psych drugs and tapering in general (as per the reading suggestions I made for example) so that he can be his own advocate, because right now it seems like he's asking people what to do and sort of ping-pong-ing around between us and his doctor and he's not sure who to believe. 

 

I think he needs to be working towards more of a self-empowering, self-responsibility approach, where he's not giving up his power to other people's advice but rather taking it all in as information, teaching himself, and then making choices. 

 

Does that make sense? I know it may seem contradictory since I do give advice a lot. But if you read carefully you'll see that my approach is to tell people what I would do in their position, or what I've seen or experienced with others, and that they themselves must be responsible for their decisions and choices.  It's not the "prescriptive" model, doctor's orders, patient compliance, that sort of thing, that whole medical model--we're not doctors and we don't do that here.  We're peers and we provide support and share information.

 

I want my suggestions to be seen as suggestions only, by people who are considering their options and learning and taking full responsibility for their choices and the consequences thereof, not as prescriptions. I'm not comfortable that this is the case in this situation yet.

 

DIIJ, please continue to read and learn and educate yourself so you can make informed choices. You can get a lot of good information and support here to help with that. It sounds like you're beginning that process, which is excellent.

 

I'm not going to be going head to head with your doctor's advice. He's your doctor, not me. You'll need to decide about his advice for yourself. I can help you with advice regarding stabilizing on the meds you are taking and tapering off of them. I can also help you to understand what's going on as far as withdrawal, how it may be affecting how you feel and how you think (suicidality and hopelessness, for example, are practically universal symptoms in withdrawal and in the on-and-off-and-switching psych med process.) I can give you advice on stabilizing and tapering, but those are just my opinions or suggestions and I could be wrong.

 

Hang in there, you're just starting out, this is a long journey and you're going to sort it out.

[DruggedinJapan]

Ohayo gozaimasu everyone! ( that's good morning in Japanese )

 

Thanks again for all of the replies.

 

OK, I will start a thread in the benzo forum.

 

I will also check out the AA online meetings.

 

I took only half of a Roserem last night and slept well - though waking up was still hard.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear reducing the Rozerem didn't cause any problems.

 

If I were you, I'd minimize it or go off it -- but it's important to make changes very carefully, and don't make changes in Rozerem and your benzos at the same time or you won't know what's causing withdrawal, if you get it.

[DruggedinJapan]

Yes, the benzo discussion should be in the benzo area.

 

If he's going to reinstate on the etizolam (sounds like he has) then my suggestion regarding Valium is no longer valid and I remove it. 

 

Also, in general I am hesitant to give advice in this situation.. He is getting contradictory advice from his physician and seems to be getting confused between his physician's advice and ours. 

 

I feel that this person needs to educate himself more about the drugs he's on and about psych drugs and tapering in general (as per the reading suggestions I made for example) so that he can be his own advocate, because right now it seems like he's asking people what to do and sort of ping-pong-ing around between us and his doctor and he's not sure who to believe. 

 

I think he needs to be working towards more of a self-empowering, self-responsibility approach, where he's not giving up his power to other people's advice but rather taking it all in as information, teaching himself, and then making choices. 

 

Does that make sense? I know it may seem contradictory since I do give advice a lot. But if you read carefully you'll see that my approach is to tell people what I would do in their position, or what I've seen or experienced with others, and that they themselves must be responsible for their decisions and choices.  It's not the "prescriptive" model, doctor's orders, patient compliance, that sort of thing, that whole medical model--we're not doctors and we don't do that here.  We're peers and we provide support and share information.

 

I want my suggestions to be seen as suggestions only, by people who are considering their options and learning and taking full responsibility for their choices and the consequences thereof, not as prescriptions. I'm not comfortable that this is the case in this situation yet.

 

DIIJ, please continue to read and learn and educate yourself so you can make informed choices. You can get a lot of good information and support here to help with that. It sounds like you're beginning that process, which is excellent.

 

I'm not going to be going head to head with your doctor's advice. He's your doctor, not me. You'll need to decide about his advice for yourself. I can help you with advice regarding stabilizing on the meds you are taking and tapering off of them. I can also help you to understand what's going on as far as withdrawal, how it may be affecting how you feel and how you think (suicidality and hopelessness, for example, are practically universal symptoms in withdrawal and in the on-and-off-and-switching psych med process.) I can give you advice on stabilizing and tapering, but those are just my opinions or suggestions and I could be wrong.

 

Hang in there, you're just starting out, this is a long journey and you're going to sort it out.

 

Sorry, I did not see this post this morning when I replied as I was posting from my phone in a very crowded train.

 

Thank you for a nice and honest reply.

 

I really appreciate everything.

 

I have taken your advice and have been taking 2.5mg of Valium at night instead of taking it periodically. I also really appreciate your advice on finding a way to stabilize on benzos before working on the ADs. 

 

I have had only one etizolam today, but suddenly feel much better. I feel functional again. 

 

Another poster has said that perhaps it is better to go back on etizolam, and I feel that will be the best way for me to stabilize. Lorazepam makes me feel strange, and valium is just too addictive. 

 

Yes, you are right. I have to take responsibility for myself, and I am trying harder. Sorry - I have been very lethargic and negative since I started posting here and have not been in very good shape. I will try harder!

 

I have started a thread in the benzo forum as requested.

 

Thanks again.

 

DJ

[DruggedinJapan]

Good to hear reducing the Rozerem didn't cause any problems.

 

If I were you, I'd minimize it or go off it -- but it's important to make changes very carefully, and don't make changes in Rozerem and your benzos at the same time or you won't know what's causing withdrawal, if you get it.

 

Thanks Altostrata.

 

Yes, I think 8mg of Rozerem was too much anyway. I'm just happy that half puts me to sleep. I was on ambien for 2 years, and I'm glad to be off that, and feel that going back on it would be a shame. Half of a ambien doesn't seem to put me to sleep either.

 

OK. I will wait until I have fully stabilized on benzos  before changing from half a Roserem. Hopefully I will be able to sleep just from mirtazapine before too long.

[DruggedinJapan]

Hello everybody, I hope everyone here is enjoying life as much as they can. It's been 3 years since I posted here and a lot has gone on. Basically, I have been fairly stable compared to the nightmare i was going through when I posted here. I now understand that most of the severe mood swings and bouts of very bad anxiety were largely due to the amount, and different types of medication. I basically have been functioning much better as I started taking the same dosage of everything everyday no matter how i felt. That said, I have largely been afraid to stop the medication I have been taking incase I slip backwards. For about 3 years now I have been taking:

1 x 20 miligram cymbalta (morning)

3 x 0.5 etizolum (depas is the japan name)

30mg mirtazapine at night.

 

I have been functioning fairly well with that dose. the most noticable side effects have been anxiety when it is time for another etizolum --- you can just feel that you are a little on edge 4-6 hours after having having your last one. Still, I always stuck to only 3 per day --- at one stage i was taking about 8 per day (yes, my japanese doctor knew i took so many and was fine with it) . I sometimes can feel depressed and anxious in the morning until i have my cymbalta and etizolum but not always. it depends on how things are going in my life - if things are going good and i can manage to laugh and enjoy the day then i have woken up happy the following day - i even had several months of thinking i was finally over my battle with depression and just felt that i had to wait for the right time to get off all medication.

 

Well, about a year ago things started going bad. My business in Japan started going downhill. I went into business with a person who i thought was my friend but i have now found out has a history of being a conman. Basically, I spent all of my money on a business partnership with him and he brought nothing to the business except a lot of headaches and problems and in the end i lost all of my money.

 

 

This led me to leave japan and return to australia. since returning to australia i have had a couple of problems with my medication.

 

1. They do not have 20mg cymbalta here - only 30. I spent a few months doing my best to open up the capsules and turn a 30mg into a 20mg but in the end gave up and started taking the 30mg. /my doctor said taking 20 or 30mg is the same and did not understand my concerns when i told him that i was afraid to start taing an extra 10mg per day as i wanted to get off all medication but he scoffed at the idea - can you believe that?!

 

2. They do not sell etizolum in australia. THIS IS WHAT I HOPE SOMEBODY HERE CAN GIVE ME HELP WITH.

 

ETIZOLUM is in the benzo group and as i was taking a lot of tablets at one stage i returned to australia with enough 0.5mg to last me several months. I came back to australia with a positive attitude even though i was still on medication and had big plans to start a new small business that i thought would succeed and make me happy. Well, the business I managed to put together - a retail store. The very day the retail store opened I ran out of etizolum. I thought I would be ok. The business is not doing well - I will close the retail store and focus on online selling of my products. Because the retail store has been quiet, I have had anxiety worse than usual. Things have started that Etizolum seemed to have stopped - like heart palputations and rushes of anxiety - 2 things i really hate. I also felt as though I had more clarity than I had when taking Etizolum and after a week or so without them I thought that I no longer need Etizolum and for that I was happy. Fast forward another week or 2 and I find myself feeling more and more depressed. It is a feeling caused by the business not doing well and Etizolum withdrawals. I have closed the retail store and although i need to go and take pictures of my products to try and sell online I am too depressed and anxious to even go into the store and start working on plan B. I have sweaty feet and palms. I do not know if this is still because i am withdrawing from etizolum or if i am just in a constant state of anxiety. I feel far more depressed than I have felt in years - i do not know if this is because my business falied or because i am having etizolum withdawals.

 

I took Etizolum for about 4 years. At first I was taking up to 5 1mg tabs per day. The last 2-3 years were 3 x 0.5 per day.

 

I stopped taking them 3 weeks ago. Am I still withdrawing? is this the reason i feel so depressed and find myself thinking about things that happened decades ago and i thought i had recovered from?

 

How long will these feelings last? Should I try and source some online?

 

Thanks in advance for any replies

[DruggedinJapan]

I would like to apologize for not keeping in touch with this forum. Life was so hectic for a few years there. I did think of this forum and was grateful that I found it. When things were going better it was kind of hard for me to come back here as it reminded me of dark times. I feel selfish for coming back here are so long - and once again feeling dark

[DruggedinJapan]

I guess my real question is , am i still withdrawing from etizolum 3 weeks after stoppping? can this make me feel really depressed/suicidal? should i try to get some more online somewhere or should i ride it through? i have some 5mg valium but try to take only one or 2 a week. i did not take any for the past week though and was feeling so bad tonight that i took one. i feel less anxious/etc.   .... but will i just prolong withdrawals of etizolum by taking valium? i used to be addicted to valium too and i seem to be very sensitive to it. if i take it two nights in a row i seem to have bad come downs for days after..

[ChessieCat]

I've asked the other mods to check out your situation.  They may know more about etizolam.  They are more likely to be in overnight Australian time because of where they are located.

 

I'm glad you are feeling less anxious.

[DruggedinJapan]

Thank you ChessieCat

[Junglechicken]

I would like to add that I have been clenching my jaw for the past week or so. Could anybody tell me why ?

It's a sign of stress and the meds.

 

Do you grind your teeth as well?

[DruggedinJapan]

 

I would like to add that I have been clenching my jaw for the past week or so. Could anybody tell me why ?

It's a sign of stress and the meds.

 

Do you grind your teeth as well?

 

That post was from 2014 - i no longer have that problem thankfully

[DruggedinJapan]

Today I feel quite bad again. I find myself thinking about things that happened a long time ago and being overwhelmed with a feeling that my life will always be horrible and I am fucked up beyond repair.

I don't know why i feel this way. Is it because i arn out of etizolum? I am in a very dark place now and it feels like things will never change

[Shep]

I guess my real question is , am i still withdrawing from etizolum 3 weeks after stoppping? can this make me feel really depressed/suicidal? should i try to get some more online somewhere or should i ride it through? i have some 5mg valium but try to take only one or 2 a week. i did not take any for the past week though and was feeling so bad tonight that i took one. i feel less anxious/etc.   .... but will i just prolong withdrawals of etizolum by taking valium? i used to be addicted to valium too and i seem to be very sensitive to it. if i take it two nights in a row i seem to have bad come downs for days after..

 

 

Hi, DIJ.

 

Yes, at 3 weeks out from etizolam, you are most likely suffering from etizolam withdrawal. You've mentioned using alcohol in the past. Are you drinking now? This is important because etizolam (and all benzos, including Valium), affect the same receptors in the brain as alcohol. 

 

You may be able to reinstate the etizolam at three weeks out. If so, it's best to start at a lower dose than you came off of, as your nervous system may be destabilized from the trauma of coming off. 

 

Also, how did you come off? Was it cold turkey from the 3 x 0.5 etizolam dose you were on? 

 

Please have a look at your benzo thread from when you were here 3 years ago, as you may find it helpful to review your history here with benzos:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6215-benzos-how-should-i-taper-down-overlap/#entry85826

 

If you can reinstate the benzo, then you can give yourself time and space to stabilize and decide how you want to taper (and if you want to taper the benzo or the antidepressant first). 

 

Please update your signature so we know where you're at with your recent drug changes. 

[DruggedinJapan]

Hi Shep, and thanks for your reply.

 

I have the alcohol under control much better than what I did 3 years ago. I was drinking most days then but have cut down to about once a week. As I feel I have hit close to rock bottom again I do not plan to drink at all for the time being as depression is very bad the next day. Depression after drinking without Etizolum seems to be much worse. I am having very dark feelings for the first time in a few years. Feelings of complete hopelessness and fear that my mental issues will rule my entire life. I am making enquiries into seeing a phsycologist to try and get over childhood trauma as that has popped up again in recent months and has gotten to a point where I am unable to concentrate on starting a business and a new life back here in my home tow after 25 years away. I know now that I have spent my life running away and a lot of that is due to me holding resentment towards the people who abused me growing up. I know if I don't stop the pattern I will never find peace. I seemed to have been functioning better over the past few years but I put that down to things going better in my life than they had been for a decade before that. Recently (since returning home in australia) things have taken a dive and I am once again at a wit's end in knowing what I will do with my life. I know that things are not as bad as I feel but again - I am currently overtaken by extremely dark feelings of failure and fear of my future.

 

My true feelings are that getting back on Etizolum is probably the best thing for me right now as I know I have functioned well on it in the past - when taking the small dose of 0.5 x 3 per day. The problem is I cannot get it in Australia. My doctor had to look it up on the internet and recommended either Zanax or Valium which of course I declined. I found only one place online that sells Etizolum. It was an India based company but they did not accept credit card or paypal. Only bitcoin and a few other online payment systems that I have never heard of.

 

If anybody knows a place to buy it online please pm me - if that is allowed on this site. Also - is there some kind of alternative for this medication in Australia that perhaps my doctor does not know about?  --- any advice is more than welcome ..

 

Are the dark moods and feelings of hopelessness part of the withdrawals? Will they pass? Do some people just have to take something like Etizolum if they have anxiety? i have had heart palputations and rushes of anxiety - sometimes causing sweats and dizziness since I was a kid. These things have started again since stopping etizolum. This really scares me. I now identify anxiety for what it does to me and can recall anxiety attacks from a young age, now that I know what it is. If etizolum gives me a better quality of life then should I continue using it?

 

I really want to get off medication. The anti-depressants cause sexual disfunction. It's been that way for 10 years now and this gives me a complex and stops me forming relationships even though I have had the oportunity. It really sucks that the same medicine that is helping my sadness is keeping me lonely which makes me sad. I really want this way of life to end. I am hoping that getting help for childhood trauma will mean that I can really start to have a med free life. I know now that the trauma has ruled my life for a long time due to the way I always crash when things go wrong and become with things that happened 30 years ago so much that I cannot concentrate on the problem at hand which makes said problem much much worse.

 

I really am sorry to come back here after so many years just pouring my heart out. I really do feel very bad. Any advice is very welcome

 

I guess my real question is , am i still withdrawing from etizolum 3 weeks after stoppping? can this make me feel really depressed/suicidal? should i try to get some more online somewhere or should i ride it through? i have some 5mg valium but try to take only one or 2 a week. i did not take any for the past week though and was feeling so bad tonight that i took one. i feel less anxious/etc.   .... but will i just prolong withdrawals of etizolum by taking valium? i used to be addicted to valium too and i seem to be very sensitive to it. if i take it two nights in a row i seem to have bad come downs for days after..

 

 

Hi, DIJ.

 

Yes, at 3 weeks out from etizolam, you are most likely suffering from etizolam withdrawal. You've mentioned using alcohol in the past. Are you drinking now? This is important because etizolam (and all benzos, including Valium), affect the same receptors in the brain as alcohol. 

 

You may be able to reinstate the etizolam at three weeks out. If so, it's best to start at a lower dose than you came off of, as your nervous system may be destabilized from the trauma of coming off. 

 

Also, how did you come off? Was it cold turkey from the 3 x 0.5 etizolam dose you were on? 

 

Please have a look at your benzo thread from when you were here 3 years ago, as you may find it helpful to review your history here with benzos:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6215-benzos-how-should-i-taper-down-overlap/#entry85826

 

If you can reinstate the benzo, then you can give yourself time and space to stabilize and decide how you want to taper (and if you want to taper the benzo or the antidepressant first). 

 

Please update your signature so we know where you're at with your recent drug changes. 

 

[DruggedinJapan]

How long can the withdrawals last? Should I ride it through as it has been 3 weeks already? As I feel the medication does work well for me should I get more?

 

I think that stopping anti-depressants first is maybe good for me me - as you suggested.

 

Also , to answer your question on how I taped off after taking 3 x 0.5 per day -- I basically just stopped cold turkey when I ran out. The last few days I only took one per day. After a few days although I had tinitus and some anxiety I also felt to have more clarity than usual for a while. That clarity is now gone and I feel confused most of the time. Very forgetful and find it hard to concentrate.

 

 

 

I guess my real question is , am i still withdrawing from etizolum 3 weeks after stoppping? can this make me feel really depressed/suicidal? should i try to get some more online somewhere or should i ride it through? i have some 5mg valium but try to take only one or 2 a week. i did not take any for the past week though and was feeling so bad tonight that i took one. i feel less anxious/etc.   .... but will i just prolong withdrawals of etizolum by taking valium? i used to be addicted to valium too and i seem to be very sensitive to it. if i take it two nights in a row i seem to have bad come downs for days after..

 

 

Hi, DIJ.

 

Yes, at 3 weeks out from etizolam, you are most likely suffering from etizolam withdrawal. You've mentioned using alcohol in the past. Are you drinking now? This is important because etizolam (and all benzos, including Valium), affect the same receptors in the brain as alcohol. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Shep]

 

Hi Shep, and thanks for your reply.

 

I have the alcohol under control much better than what I did 3 years ago. I was drinking most days then but have cut down to about once a week. As I feel I have hit close to rock bottom again I do not plan to drink at all for the time being as depression is very bad the next day. Depression after drinking without Etizolum seems to be much worse. I am having very dark feelings for the first time in a few years. Feelings of complete hopelessness and fear that my mental issues will rule my entire life. I am making enquiries into seeing a phsycologist to try and get over childhood trauma as that has popped up again in recent months and has gotten to a point where I am unable to concentrate on starting a business and a new life back here in my home tow after 25 years away. I know now that I have spent my life running away and a lot of that is due to me holding resentment towards the people who abused me growing up. 

 

 

Hi, DIJ.

 

I'm glad you're doing better with the alcohol. I had a problem and quit, but that was close to 25 years ago. Sadly, though, I was already massively polydrugged and that continued for decades. And for the same reason as you - to deal with trauma.

 

Alcohol does act on the same GABA receptors as benzodiazepines and can cause a lot of problems with limbic kindling (i.e. it stresses your nervous system out until it becomes overly sensitive and hyper reactive). 

 

One thing I've noticed about withdrawal, but benzos in particular, is the way they affect the memory center of the brain and the fear center. It's like the fear center goes on high alert and it goes through the data bank of the memory looking for memories to match up to that level of fear.

 

Most long-term benzos users go through a stage where we re-live old traumas. So just a caution that if you do go into therapy for this, you may be more easily upset right now, as well as the fact you're dealing with memory and concentration problems. You may want to hold off on any intensive form of trauma therapy until you're more stable and instead, explore mindfulness or trauma-sensitive yoga in order to calm your nervous system. 

 

This book may give you some insight into what type of therapy may be best for you, as well as an overview of exactly how early childhood trauma can affect us over the years. It's the best book I've found on this subject so far.

 

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

 

 

 

 

My true feelings are that getting back on Etizolum is probably the best thing for me right now as I know I have functioned well on it in the past - when taking the small dose of 0.5 x 3 per day. The problem is I cannot get it in Australia. My doctor had to look it up on the internet and recommended either Zanax or Valium which of course I declined. I found only one place online that sells Etizolum. It was an India based company but they did not accept credit card or paypal. Only bitcoin and a few other online payment systems that I have never heard of.

 

If anybody knows a place to buy it online please pm me - if that is allowed on this site. Also - is there some kind of alternative for this medication in Australia that perhaps my doctor does not know about?  --- any advice is more than welcome ..

 

 

We can't recommend getting benzos except through legal means, but you may want to consider Valium as a safe alternative. Valium has a half-life of up to 200 hours and Etizolam is only about 6 hours. But according to this Wiki article, "Etizolam has an anxiolytic action about 6 times greater than that of diazepam." This means you may experience less reduction in anxiety with Valium. 

 

You mentioned using Valium in your signature. How did Valium make you feel? Did it help with anxiety and sleep and other symptoms? If so, you may want to consider using it to taper, as the half-life does make it easier for some people. 

 

Are the dark moods and feelings of hopelessness part of the withdrawals? Will they pass? Do some people just have to take something like Etizolum if they have anxiety? i have had heart palputations and rushes of anxiety - sometimes causing sweats and dizziness since I was a kid. These things have started again since stopping etizolum. This really scares me. I now identify anxiety for what it does to me and can recall anxiety attacks from a young age, now that I know what it is. If etizolum gives me a better quality of life then should I continue using it?

 

 

The problem with benzos and benzo analogs such as Etizolam is they are only meant to be taken for a couple of weeks. After that, they can start to cause other problems. They are, after all, central nervous system depressants. So many people taking them for anxiety start to suffer from depression. But doctors, not understanding the long-term effects of benzos, will prescribe an antidepressant instead of tapering their patients safely off their benzo. 

 

So in the long term, the quality of life is greatly diminished. And there are many other powerful forms of healing from anxiety and trauma. Mindfulness, yoga, music, art, etc. can all be very effective. 

 

The Ashton Manual has an overview of benzo symptoms:

 

Benzo Withdrawal Symptoms (Ashton Manual)

 

 

In case you haven't already seen these links, you may want to have a read:

 

Ashton Manual

 

Ashton and beyond in benzo tapering

 

Also, long term use of benzos can cause severe memory problems, chronic depression, chronic sleep problems, agoraphobia, and many other symptoms.

 

 

 

How long can the withdrawals last? Should I ride it through as it has been 3 weeks already? As I feel the medication does work well for me should I get more?

 

I think that stopping anti-depressants first is maybe good for me me - as you suggested.

 

Also , to answer your question on how I taped off after taking 3 x 0.5 per day -- I basically just stopped cold turkey when I ran out. The last few days I only took one per day. After a few days although I had tinitus and some anxiety I also felt to have more clarity than usual for a while. That clarity is now gone and I feel confused most of the time. Very forgetful and find it hard to concentrate.

 

Withdrawal can last quite a long time for long term users, especially going cold turkey. I would consider reinstating, even if means Valium.  Some people have improvements in 6 - 12 months, but for others, it can take longer. I wish we knew more and could give you more precise information, but this is what's been seen on the various withdrawal forums over the years. 

 

Whether or not to reinstate really depends on your symptoms. If you've stopped sleeping, are having trouble eating and are losing weight, you're having suicidal thoughts, etc. then reinstatement is recommended. 

 

It also depends on what your responsibilities are. If you're working and / or taking care of a family or you have to drive, then you'll need to take that into consideration. 

 

Also, please note that benzo reinstatement is best done within the first 2 to 4 weeks of stopping. Please see this for more information:

 

Notes on reinstatement

 

So there are no guarantees. But if you do reinstate, it's best to do so in the next week. 

 

Let us know what you decide about your benzo use. 

 

I'll leave you with a great breathing technique that can help with anxiety and stress:

 

4-7-8 Breathing 

[DruggedinJapan]

Hi again Shep,

 

Thanks so much for all of the great info. I will get back to you on some of the things you have mentioned but for me a new problem has arisen today that I am not sure if withdrawing from etizolum is connected.

 

3 weeks after taking my last tablet I have very sweaty palms and feet so I presume this is because of withdrawals --- but is this effecting my blood pressure too?

 

I took a medical examination with the hope of it leading to employment but I did not pass due to high blood pressure. My blood pressure is 180/120 and my doctor said if it was any worse I would have to be admitted to hospital. He put me on medication for it and told me to come back in a couple of days to try again. Fingers crossed it will be ok.

 

I have not had my blood pressure tested so much in my life but it was high last time it was checked - though I'm pretty sure not this high. Would stopping etizolum after 3/4 years on it affect my blood pressure?

 

This is really is shattering news for me as without the job this medical exam will lead to my life will become even worse than it is now and I just don't know if I will be able to handle that

[ChessieCat]

Here are a couple of SA discussions:

 

hypertension

 

cholesterol-high-blood-pressure-antidepressants

[DruggedinJapan]

^ Thank you ChessieCat. I know there are many reasons I should not be taking meds but this is not the time for me to stop. The doctor told me my blood pressure is so high that I am in danger of having a stroke. I feel that stopping etizolam is the reason for my blood pressure being so high ---- I just don't feel well at all since stopping.

 

I seem to be feeling darker each day. I am doing my best to find a place that sells Etizolum to Australia online but no luck so far. This is not a good time for me to be changing medication. Moving back to Australia after 20 years away is hard enough - and on top of that I have to deal with a failed business. I really wish I could get some etizolam and concentrate on relocating to australia -- once that is done, and now that i know what i am in for, I would rather start reducing meds properly at a time when I feel it is right.

[DruggedinJapan]

Over 6 weeks without etizolum now. I feel anxious, dark, confused and depressed most of the time. I have not felt this way for many years.

I found an etizolum tablet yesterday - I took it as I felt so bad. Guess what - I began to feel positive and had the most constructive day i have had in weeks. I think I may need this medication to feel 'normal'. Not being able to purchase any in Australia is very bad for me. It is something I feared before returning to Australia but I had forgotten just how bad things are when anxiety consumes me. I feel if I am unable to obtain etizolum I will not be able to have any quality of life

[DruggedinJapan]

Hi there, just like to update ....

 

I have been very busy working but thought I should let you all know what happened re:etizolam.

I had one week of feeling kind of good about stopping (more alert) - then the 2nd and 3rd week I became increasingly anxious, then deep dark depression set in - i felt suicidal .... i finally found a place in India that did not require bitcoin and was posted 500 tablets ..... before they arrived, the darkness lifted ... i no long need them at all --- AFTER 5 YEARS - at most I was taking 8 tablets per day - at least, 3 times a day.

 

I still have them but the thought of taking them does not even cross my mind - it's been months now.

 

The point is, I had to ride the storm all the way through - if I had access to them a couple of weeks before they arrived from India I would have started taking them again I'm sure.

 

Sometimes you just have to ride the storm.