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Jemima

Success: Jemima Survives Lexapro and Doctor, Too

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Tilly

Hi Jemima,

 

I just read your thread from start to finish. What an inspiration and wonderfully spirited woman you are!!! I am delighted to have found you on this insomnia evening of mine. You have lifted my spirits no end. Thank you.

 

I couldn't help but empathise and chuckle at this paragraph that you wrote in a previous post:

 

"Some of the people with whom I've tried to be friends have turned out to be a big disappointment to the point that I wish I'd never met them and am trying to figure out how to end the "friendships" with a couple of them, one of whom is emotionally unbalanced and hasn't got the common sense God gave a goat, and the other is so self-centered that she's out of touch with reality.  There are a lot of people out there who are either stupid or crazy or both.  I've found most of the people on this forum to be just the opposite, and since we're a minority, I suspect being smart, sensitive to others' feelings, and sensible in general, we probably find the world more depressing than people who are walking around in a haze of dim-wittedness and selfishness".

 

I had a very similar conversation just yesterday and wholeheartedly agree.

 

You are a shining star! Your ongoing learning and adaptation only affirms this. I will follow your progress with interest. I wish you the best of everything and every happiness and success in your new lease of life.

 

Be kind to yourself.

 

Hugs to you.

 

Tilly x

 

PS. We share the same Dr ;)

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Jemima

PS. We share the same Dr ;)

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol: !!!

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Jemima

Hi, Tilly, and thanks so much for your post.

 

It's both good and bad that you share my view of us depressive types.  (I keep hoping someone will prove me wrong.)  I was just trying to decide what to do for Independence Day as I have two options this year, one of which is socializing at a picnic with neighbors in my over-55 development.  It dawned on me that so many people here are petty, narrow-minded and downright stupid that I feel like I'm walking on eggs when I have to be around them very much. I remember someone on the social activities committee (which I could only stand visiting once, forget becoming a member) being highly offended because some people who had not paid for some event or other had come around after everyone had eaten and had some of the leftovers.  They were just incensed that someone got free food, never mind that there are some people living here who can barely make ends meet, and the food was going to be trashed anyway.  There are people here who don't believe a person has a disability unless they can see it by virtue of a walker, a wheelchair, et cetera, and I've been offended enough to just whirl around and walk away when some stupe questions the shoulder and arm problems I got from Lipitor, which aren't noticeable until I reach for something above waist level.  :angry:  :(

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Jemima

As a quick update, not much has changed since my last post except that I've set aside the writing ambitions and haven't found another purpose for my retirement years.  Life is often boring and lonely and I suspect that's been complicated by sleeping problems and my attempts to alleviate the problem with various OTC and prescription drugs. I haven't made it back to church yet, again because of the sleeping problems and not being able to get up for a Sunday morning service. I'm still volunteering at the food cupboard and enjoying that a great deal.  Wish I could find more things like that to do. Life seems to get harder as I get older.

 

I do want people to know that I never had a relapse into SSRI withdrawal symptoms after getting through the initial withdrawal (which was awful), and I've been off of Lexapro since December 14, 2011.  That's four years and six months altogether, although I'm not sure where to draw the line as to when that initial withdrawal hell was over.  Anyway, the temporary relapse into withdrawal that so many people fear is not inevitable and it possibly isn't even common.  I think if you worry about it happening it's more likely to happen.

 

I'm sorry I've been away so long.  I've missed the forum and plan to stop in more often.

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alex

Hello dear Jemima.

I am happy to hear from you.

I am not getting any younger either;Ill be 62 next November...but I am getting my life back, and trying to get the best of it, despite a lingering anhedonia and moderate depression, that comes and goes.

I  do believe that healing doesn`t stop, but we have to give it a try.

 

Keep in touch.

 

Hugs.

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Jemima

Hey, Alex!

 

I was just thinking about you and wondering if you were still checking in here. I'm so glad to know that you're doing well!

 

I agree that healing goes on indefinitely, and I'm thinking that it's hard to know healing from ADs from normal personal growth after a few years. I've learned that part of my long recovery time was due to taking lorazepam (Ativan--a benzo), antihistamines, and various supplements to help with symptoms, especially insomnia.  I quit taking Vitamin C @ 1000 mg. twice a day a few weeks ago and discovered that's what was tearing up my digestive system. (Taking too much can also cause insomnia--who knew?)  I just stopped taking the benzo three days ago, and although I only took it for less than a week at a time and took breaks of 36 to 62 hours in between, I still got rebound insomnia Thursday night, and  figure that's probably the first sign of dependency.  Got a good night's sleep last night, but I was still tired this morning, probably from taking a generic Benadryl for sleep along with Melatonin.  Both of those are going to go, too.

 

No more trying to solve problems with pills!

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Jemima

Unbelievable.  I just spent roughly half an hour adding to this topic and blew it away with the flick of a fingernail.  So I'm going to save this right now.

 

As I was saying, my improvement has continued since my last post and I'm still not entirely sure where I would draw the line between being in withdrawal and being "well", but I'm now over most of the symptoms with the exception of some food sensitivities and occasional problems with sleeplessness, which can be aggravated by using lorazepam for more than five or six days in a row. That stuff is *tricky* and I keep it around mostly for those days when the pain from my bad shoulders and back are just too much for me.  Meanwhile avoiding manufactured sugars and any kind of grain products has helped a lot, as has circumin and SAM-e.

 

I'm feeling lonely and directionless right now as my once-a-week volunteer job at a church food pantry ended back in October and I haven't found a replacement yet.  The church had been financially mismanaged for some years and they finally had to sell the building and send the clientele to a larger nearby pantry and soup kitchen, but a very bureaucratic and non-Christian place where I had already volunteered for a year and never did like it.  Since the borough where the church is located bought the building for  a community center, I'm hoping they start up some services where I can be of help.

 

No promises about signing in more often, but it does feel good to be back for a bit.

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Altostrata

Hi, Jemima. Good to hear from you. I'm glad you're doing well and keeping busy. Now we have to do something about that sleep pattern.

 

You've darkened your bedroom, etc.?

 

I'm sure you'll find something productive to do, if you like the community center, there's so much you could get involved in. In the meantime, how about Meetup? Or if you like to knit or crochet, start a neighborhood knitting circle? 

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Jemima

Darkening the bedroom hasn't worked all that well for me as I fell several times, once spraining my wrist rather badly, so I keep at least one nightlight on until there's a bit of daylight showing around the curtains.  Or maybe I should try a sleep mask again but be very careful to push it way up on my head when I get up.  I'm pretty sure I fell once or twice because the thing slid down over my eyes and the room was too dark to tell the difference.

 

I don't think the community center is rolling yet since they just made settlement on the building at the beginning of November and it needs lots of maintenance and remodeling work, but I mean to check on their progress every now and then. It's also high time for me to get involved with a church. I do check in with Meetup from time to time and there are several needlework groups around that I could join.  For the time being, I just feel very let down and don't quite know where I want to go from here.

 

How are you doing? I'm very impressed that this group is still going so strong, and relieved, too.  It seems to be needed more and more as mainstream medicine turns  almost entirely to pills and surgery as cures for everything.

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Pepita

Hi Jemima,

thank you for your success story and for coming back with honest updates! I was just wondering recently if those who wrote a success story (and some do by saying I am fine for 1 month now and I can´t help but think "well....") are still doing well. As I was quickly glancing over the posts in this thread I thought about thow ups and downs that you mentioned where you can´t draw the line between WD and other issues and it got me thinking that ups and downs are a normal thing and as well people who never had issues with depression or anxienty or pills experience them. I think that we, who have gone through such hard times just tend to overthink or fear those phases quickly because we are afraid to fall back into something. We can´t always feel super duper happy. But everything is better than WD hahaha

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ChessieCat

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

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Jemima

March 20, 2019

 

It's been over two years since my last post, and at this point I can barely remember what it was like to be in recovery.  My creative urges are back in full force and there's not enough time in the day to do all the things I like to do.  How I resent those lost years.  My mistrust and dislike of mainstream medicine has only grown, and I avoid prescription medicines like the plague.  There are no man-made drugs without potentially serious side effects.  My doctor marvels that I'm her only senior patient regularly taking only one drug (for blood pressure) and in such good health.  Uh, duh, Doctor --- connect the dots!

 

I did discover a serious medical problem quite by accident, and that was a magnesium deficiency which caused me all sorts of muscle pain.  I ended up on the bed one evening with such severe muscle cramps in my lower legs that I was afraid I'd never get up again.  I had just bought a bottle of milk of magnesia and it dawned on me to take some.  I calmed down enough to stand up and walk to the bathroom, took the MoM, and within five minutes the cramps were gone.  After that, I read up on the problem and started taking magnesium supplements, up to 1200 mg. at first with no side effects.  The government recommended amount for a woman is 350 mg. a day, so I clearly had a deficiency.   Now I take 200-300 mg. as soon as I get up and play it by ear from there.  I'm avoiding grain, which also seems to help with muscle aches, and since grain is a major source of magnesium, a supplement is necessary (beware if you're on the Paleo diet).  If you decide to try supplementation, get magnesium citrate or magnesium glycinate rather than MoM, which contains a difficult to absorb form of magnesium --- that's why it works.  Using MoM is also more expensive than tablets. 

 

Although I never got addicted despite taking large amounts on a regular basis, I've had problems with Lorazepam.  I don't take it on a regular basis any more, but even the occasional .5 or .25 of a tablet results in rebound in the form of irritability or depression.  Stopping it can also cause insomnia.  I keep it around for emotional emergencies and sleeplessness, but don't take it more than five days in a row with a gap of at least 48 hours in between, preferably much more. Even then, I get the irritability and am easily depressed.  And forget drinking anything alcoholic.  I'm so sensitized that I can drink an enormous amount without getting high, and I've passed out several times, once taking a bad fall that would have been serious had I not been limp.  I haven't had a drink in over three years now and I don't miss it.

 

My latest passion is sewing, which I was taught very well by an aunt who made her living as a seamstress.  I'm especially intrigued by remodeling sweatshirts into something far more elegant, and I want to try getting some used ones from thrift stores and seeing what I can do with them.  Right now I'm working on turning a new black sweatshirt into a cardigan with black satin trim, and also a garden flag or perhaps a scarecrow to shoo the birds away from my nice new  front stair railing.

 

I'm also working on decluttering the house and getting my possessions down to a bare minimum, just because I like my surroundings to feel spacious.  I experimented with Project 333 about a year ago and love it (https://bemorewithless.com/project-333/),  choosing 33 items of clothing every three months and wearing only those.  Oddly, it makes getting dressed so much easier, and I've finally figured out that as a retiree, I don't need the same amount or type of clothing that I had when I worked in a business casual setting.

 

My apologies to those of you who've left messages for me.  I chose not to get notifications when my recovery was a lot too close in time to avoid getting re-upset about it, and now I doubt that I'd remember enough to be of much help.

 

So hang in there!  It's a crime that any of us have to go through this, but you will get through and get your life back again.

 

Jemima

 

 

 

 

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