Didimar: Hello...

[didimar]

Hello,

 

Today I have finally gathered the courage to introduce myself. I've been reading posts and going through forms on this website for a while now. I have actually been taking anti-depressants for a long time. I started with paxil and the ever-present assurances that this was non-habit forming, etc. etc.   The REAL problem was that I had gone through surgical menopause, my body was not adapting well to synthetic hormones and I was understandably sad about learning I wouldn't be able to have children - only one year after getting married. I just needed someone to talk to and help me process all my feelings. But everyone was pushing antidepressants because they were quick and no, not addictive.

 

The paxil was way too strong and the side effects were horrible. But anytime I would try to switch to another AD, I would get really sick. It was pretty clear to me that getting off Paxil was the problem, but my doctor scoffed at the idea.  Anyway, with the exception of a few short time periods, I've been on AD's ever since. Several months ago, I found the post about how to make a liquid solution of celexa for a slow taper. I started reading through this website, and finally, last month I worked up the nerve to try. I guess it's been a month now. In hindsight, it was probably not the best time to start it because this is a horrible allergy season. So, not only did I get allergies, but they have been compounded by the the "flu-like" symptoms of withdrawals. People keep wondering why I haven't been to a doctor, but I know that it won't make a difference....

 

I'm still physically ill, but I think it's the withdrawal. And today was the first day that I think I've really had the "emotional" aspect of withdrawal show up. A co-worker and I had a disagreement, and I think if I were in a better state, I would have handled it better. I don't really think I was in the wrong, but sometimes it's better just to let things go. And today I didn't. But it's not the end of the world, and the situation will clear up in time. But I decided I might start posting on this board. Some support would be good.

 

Anyway, I'm just starting, and this first "taper" will be the biggest I ever do. I will probably wait another week before I try another taper...

 

That's all for now.

[Rhiannon]

Hello didimar--

 

Welcome!

 

Your story is sadly very typical. I'm so sorry you got caught in the psych drug merry-go-round trap.

 

Given your history with multiple meds and multiple attempts to stop and having to go back on each time, as well as a many-year history on the drugs, you are probably (as you are finding) especially sensitive to changes in med dosages. You've done great starting with the 10% cut, though, and if you hold a while you'll find that those withdrawal symptoms will settle down. There's nothing wrong with holding until you feel pretty good.

 

Especially when first starting a taper, it's a good idea to really take your time and get a good feel for how the pattern of symptoms comes on, waxes and wanes and waxes and wanes, and eventually fades away. This is going to be a long term project, so take your time and really get to know how your body deals with withdrawal. Once you get used to your own personal patterns of withdrawal it will be easier to plan your cuts and adjust the taper according to other things happening in your life.

 

Please keep a daily journal ranking your symptoms on a numerical scale, say 1 to 5 or something. If you keep this journal over time it will be easier to see the patterns. Our subjective memory of withdrawal (how we get sick and how we recover) appears to be distorted by the withdrawal process, so having something written down is really valuable to look back on.

 

Welcome, glad you're here, and good luck to you! Keep us posted. You'll get lots of support here.

[Jemima]

Hello, Didimar-

 

Welcome to the forum. You have my sympathy re the allergies. It was fall, my worst allergy season, when I began experiencing withdrawal from cutting Lexapro too fast, and I thought it was just a hellish allergy season for quite a few weeks before figuring out what was really going on and finding this forum.

 

I'm glad to see that you're being sensible and going about tapering slowly and carefully. As Rhi says, do what's comfortable for you. Don't be ashamed to updose a bit if the withdrawal symptoms come on strong after a cut in dosage. The idea is to be able to function reasonably well and feel reasonably well throughout your taper, not to get the drug out of your system as fast as possible. The brain changes in antidepressant use and it takes quite a while for it to right itself: hence, the slow, gradual withdrawal which gives the brain time to adjust to lesser dosages.

 

I'm glad you found us.  You'll find lots of solid information and friendly support here.

 

 

[didimar]

Thank you for the positive responses. It is nice to know that someone out there might understand how hard this is for me. I did go to the doctor yesterday because my friends kept saying I should. I told the doctor that Sunday night I got a very severe attack of chills (extreme shivers, etc.) for about an hour. My husband had to heap blankets on me and my son made hot tea for me which I could hardly hold due to my shivering hands. It cleared up in about an hour and I was fine. But it was kind of scary since it was 89 degrees outside and there was no reason for me to get a chill.

 

This information kind of worried the doctor, who could find nothing wrong with me (other than allergies and a bad cough that seemed to be allergy related.) I finally told her that I thought it might be because I had gone from 30 mg of celexa to 27 mg of celexa. She laughed and said, "No, that can't be it."  Then, later, she laughed again about my small taper, saying, "We usually tell patients to go from 30 to 20."

 

So it was nice to come on line today and read positive responses from people who understand.

 

I downloaded and made several copies of Dr. Glenmullen's checklist of Withdrawal Symptoms and I plan to complete one daily. It gives me hope that this could actually work. 

 

One thing I learned last week is that I definitely cannot drink ANY alcohol. I'm not a big drinker or even socializer, for that matter. It just so happened that I met out at a restaurant with friends on two separate nights and had a drink. I really ended up paying for it as my allergies definitely got worse after that. So, no more alcohol. That won't really be a problem, though.

 

I have noticed that I am waking up an hour early these days (when I used to sleep through the alarm.) I think the sleep problems are the ones I am dreading the most. But for now, it's not bad at all. I took a walk last night and that helped me fall asleep. I hope to walk again tonight. For now, I am just waiting for my allergies to quiet down a bit. (Maybe one more week) And I will taper again. I don't expect this to be too hard until I reach 20 mg and start tapering from there. Because 20 mg has been the dose I've taken for the longest.

 

Anyway, it's nice to know you guys are out there.

[Rhiannon]

Don't give your doctor's reaction too much weight. They often don't really know much about withdrawal. Your body is the expert. Don't push it. Don't make another cut until you've been feeling well for at least a week. 

 

Meanwhile I'd highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, to help understand why your doctor is so ill-informed about withdrawal and about the downside of psych meds in general.

[Petunia]

Hi Didimar,

Your body/nervous system has had a long time to get adjusted to these drugs, so please take your time in getting off them.  Listen to what your body is telling you, not your doctor.  I agree with Rhi about getting a copy of that book.

 

I've experienced chills as part of my withdrawal process, they were much worse at first, not so bad now, but I tapered too fast and have protracted withdrawal, if you taper slow enough, you should be able to avoid serious or long term symptoms.  Generally, what we advise is that if you are getting symptoms, you are going too fast and need to slow down.

 

Petu.