Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

☼ mlrp: withdrawal syndrome from Wellbutrin? Also on remeron and lorazepam.


Recommended Posts

Hope your feeling better, sending hugs and prayers your way.

Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement.

 

Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years

January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT

Link to comment

Sorry you got walloped. It is hard when that window shuts, especially after it has been open for awhile. Deep breath, this will pass.

Rooting for you! 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

You will be a success story one day, I promise.

 

Actually, you already are. You're reducing, you're surviving, you're learning.

 

The insight you have had about how when we're in a wave we can't remember what windows feel like (or normal for that matter, or anything but the wave we're in, really): it took me a couple of years to figure that one out. It's like part of the overall state includes that sense that things have always been this bad and always will be this bad and anything else was a delusion. Back in the days when I was still having bouts of suicidality, it all went together in a lovely stew. I'm certain there's something neurological going on there.

 

(And I just realized that's the first time I've actually admitted to myself that I haven't been suicidal in quite a while.)

 

I still have to ask people to remind me sometimes that I have felt better, I can feel better, and I will feel better again. So let me be the one for you, now: you have felt better than this, and you will feel much, much better than this again. Hang in there!

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment

08/30

 

End of week two tapering to 28 ml. of Remeron.

 

Very wavey day.

 

Hello, everyone. I'm so sorry I haven't been around, and thank everyone very much for support, and words of encouragement. Today is one of those days when I need them very, very much. 

 

I feel so selfish just posting here about me, me, me, except that - I guess - this is my thread and I need to keep good records of my progress (and challenges).

 

After almost two weeks of high pressure and stress at work - I was able to deliver a budget for 2015. Did so well, as a matter of fact (after only three months on the job) that my supervisor almost literally skipped down the hallway singing my praises. So, yay, me. I only wish I could have genuinely shared in the feelings of pride and accomplishment. The "old me" would've really enjoyed every moment of mastering a new set of skills and succeeding at my task. Instead, I have to "fake it." And despite the supportive atmosphere at work, I know the stress hasn't helped my symptoms overall.

 

Since cutting my dose the lousy little 2 mil., I have noticed increased feelings of hopelessness, lots of crying, and a real uptick in anxiety (I "fake it" at work, which is, as you all know, exhausting). I'm also experiencing slight, but noticeable, stomach pain upon waking, and some GI symptoms that I haven't had in a long while. I'm not happy about any of this, but I think I would find it almost reassuring if I could know that this is all (or mostly) due to the 2 ml. cut. At least I would know what I'm dealing with. I would HATE to think that this is me, somehow, and not the drugs. 

 

We went to IKEA today, for a little change, and it was a minor disaster. I noticed almost as soon as I walked into the store that I had NO energy for walking around the place, and the restaurant was packed. I couldn't take the musician that was playing there, either. I have very visceral responses to music and some of it can just be painful for me to hear (and that was before I got drugged!). We had to more or less cut the trip short. I was lethargic and weepy, and cried most of the way home. I suppose I should remember that, about a year ago, we tried going to IKEA as a "test" outing for me. One of the very first since I had become ill. I had to leave almost as soon as we got there. I laughed, just a little, at the time, because there I was under the big IKEA sign that reads, "marketplace," having very pronounced symptoms of "agoraphobia." I am nothing if not literal.

 

So, yes, I guess today I am better than I was a year ago. But it is so very, very hard to believe that or trust that I am making progress. I feel like a shut-in. I managed to lurk on FB just a bit yesterday and saw that my friends are living their lives (some happy events, some very sad) and I couldn't bring myself to log in and participate, or share their joys and sorrows. I just couldn't do it. The thought just kind of paralyzes me. It feels like life is passing me by.

 

I find comfort here. This is perhaps the one place where I feel understood and, despite all of the profound difficulties we are facing, I find hope here. Not so much with my Saturday morning depression group therapy. Thankfully, we don't spend very much time at all there discussing meds, but whenever the topic comes up, I feel as if I know a horrible truth about the danger that the others are in, and I am powerless to do anything about it. The way they discuss with the therapist-leader how/whether their meds are "working," and what other meds they might "try." One of the women, by her own admission, already has a "drugstore" in her purse. 

 

I can't help but believe that my biggest problem now is the drugs themselves. Not my mother, although that situation doesn't help, nor any other emotional "issue" I might have. I know my body, and I know my cognitive self, and I feel drugged. Even so, it's so difficult not to fall back into the false notion that I have some sort of profound mental or emotional "illness" that only "came to light" because of a crisis. I'm beginning to seriously question some of the value of my group and individual counseling - they're so heavily predicated on the notion of "drugs, first and foremost."

 

I apologize for once again being Debbie Downer. I know I have little right to complain when others here are suffering so terribly. The pain, though, is real and profound - whether you're trying to keep it together for a meeting at work, or just working up the courage to shower. 

 

I'll definitely be looking in on some of you over the next day or two - hope everyone's ok. 

 

And, because I am convinced that at least some of my recent symptoms are due to my 2 ml cut, I'm going to be looking more intently into Remeron and how, specifically, it works its "magic" on my brain and CNS. I believe there is quite a bit of knowledge to be gained in Wulfgar's and other's threads on the subject.I think the more I know, the more I can tell my brain how to help itself. My brain talking to itself. What a strange and amazing thing is consciousness, and how truly egregious that we (the societal "we") have allowed ourselves to f*** with it so badly.

 

OK, now I'm beginning to bore even myself.

 

Up the Villa!! 

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

OK, who wants to talk me down from scaring myself into some potentially rash moves? 

 

I'm reading Anatomy of an Epidemic - absolute must-reading, but I'm scaring myself. And I'm trying not to get spooked by the challenges faced by fellow Remeron victims. I'm fighting this impulse to just GET THESE THINGS OUT OF MY BODY. I'm not talking about c/t - but I get worried by the fact that a conservative, slow, taper means many more months of still being on Remeron. 

 

Not to mention Lorazepam. And, I'm not even thinking about Wellbutrin right now. At only 25 mg a day, I figure that may be the easiest one to taper down from. 

 

But, Lorazepam is worrying me. 

 

I suppose ya'll would tell me that only two weeks into my first Remeron cut is no time to be thinking about tapering Lorazepam - even though I'm only taking .5 mg a day (which is still a lot, because it's so strong). 

 

What about switching from Lorazepam to a weaker benzo, like ativan, or valium, as a bridge? Maybe I should be reading the Benzo boards to find out. 

 

The thing is, I find that when I type here, I sometimes (often) sound more "together" than I feel. All that by saying the anxiety I was dealing with yesterday during the failed IKEA excursion was brutal. Through the roof. Lasted most of the day - barely fading by about 7:00 p.m. So... maybe now is not the time to be messing with my benzo script. Except that I have anxiety about it.  :unsure: [insert reminder about neuro-emotions here?]

 

Wishing all a peaceful day. 

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Oh honey, catch your breath and I'll give talking you down my best shot. 

 

I, too, read Anatomy... It is a very powerful and profound book. It scared the hell out of me and was the main motivator for my final push to get off of meds. That said, it is a book. Yes, what he has to say is important. Yes, pharmaceutical companies suck (sweeping statement), and yes, the medications we are taking and the combinations (etc) are prescribed recklessly. Quickly changing/decreasing your meds is reckless too. Just like jumping from med to med (and various combos/doses) on our way onto meds messed up our bodies and minds, doing it on the way off will do the same thing. Don't be like your doctors - all willy nilly. It didn't work before. There is no reason to think it will work in the opposite direction. The book is a valuable resource but your brain is what you need intact. 

 

Lorazapam - is Ativan. I take it. It is not the best drug, not that there is such a thing, and it is not (personally) my 1st choice of places to cut. You think your IKEA experience was big before! Last year I had my Lorazapam "adjusted" by my doctor and holy hell broke loose. I will come off it at some point but that point is not in the near future. I don't know much about the longer-lasting ones (Valium) or the benefits/harm ratio to switching but I have to ask if it is worth it to mess around with your meds even more just so you can swap one benzo to another. Like I said, I don't understand them but imho - stay put for now. 

 

I also don't have experience with Remeron. I cannot advise in any way with that specific med. 

 

We've all had the "must get off meds now" thinking - at least I've read that many people do and I do too. But, I think the overwhelming experiences reported here are that slow, steady, and consistent is the key to success.

 

I hear that you downplay your w/d a bit. I think there are times that we all do. I also think you are scared and that is normal. I know that normal is unfamiliar territory to many  :unsure: but you'll be ok. 

 

Deep breath. {hug}

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment

Mlrp,

 

If and I mean a big If you do decide to bridge benzos you may wish to talk with you doctor about tranxene. It is a very weak long lasting benzo. I've tapered from it before no problems and I have taken it with Remeron. I took an emergency dose of klonopin one time in the hospital while I was still on tranxene and it knocked me out so I know the tranxene is very weak. The reason my doc has used tranxene on me is because of my fear of the benzos.

 

For the Remeron, if you are not having any bad reaction with it I would keep a very very slow taper especially at the lower doses. Don't quit it at 3.75mg like I did. I had very bad withdrawals.

 

If Remeron should ever turn on you like it did me when I reinstated, my doc bridged it to zyprexa at the absolutely lowest dose and I had no withdrawals but now I have to taper the zyprexa. I had to do it because the Remeron was making me suicidal and I was out of work for a month and feared losing my job and insurance.  But at least I'm stable now with no symptoms on the zyprexa. You can check out my thread for my Remeron story.

 

Looking back, if I had to do it all over again I would have definitely tapered the Remeron before the benzo but that is just my opinion as I fear the Remeron much more than I fear the benzo. But all this is in hindsight now. I'm very thankful to be off the Remeron even if I had to bridge it to something else.

 

Hope this helps.

Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

March 2017 DRUG FREE

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Patience, patience, patience. Give your body some time to stabilise before making any big and perhaps risky decisions to change meds. I'd also counsel a more reasonable test of how you are travelling. IKEA is a horrendous place. I struggled with it even when I was just a run of the mill introvert, let alone in WD. All those people being herded from pillar to post by design, lightening that saps your soul...

 

D

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

Link to comment
I'm reading Anatomy of an Epidemic - absolute must-reading, but I'm scaring myself. And I'm trying not to get spooked by the challenges faced by fellow Remeron victims. I'm fighting this impulse to just GET THESE THINGS OUT OF MY BODY. I'm not talking about c/t - but I get worried by the fact that a conservative, slow, taper means many more months of still being on Remeron. 

One more think Mlrp. I would hold off reading a lot of things about drugs and withdrawal until you are more stable. I made my anxiety worse by reading all the horror stories. I read everything and it certainly didn't help, that's for sure.

 

Maybe someday when I am off all my drugs and symptom free I may read more about it. Don't scare yourself, especially while tapering.

Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

March 2017 DRUG FREE

Link to comment

Thanks so much, Amy, Dalsaan, and Chicken for taking the time to provide such thoughtful replies. I truly appreciate your time and energy. 

 

I think I am going to just stay the course. There is now no doubt in my mind - going into the third week of my first cut on Remeron - that I am having some reaction to the cut. Moderate uptick in "cortisol" mornings. More frequent episodes of breakthrough, groundless anxiety. GI symptoms, mild a.m. stomach pain and episodes of diarrhea (may I call it "Wulfgar's revenge?"  :P )

 

I'm also having a return of some emotional instability that I wasn't having before. Frequently feeling very weepy, or the mere fact of thinking, going from one thought to another, bringing on incongruous emotionalism - almost like my brain is reacting against the switching of gears. 

 

It's almost uncanny, if I step back into my Mr. Spock objectivity brain, how almost predictable some of these sx are. Fascinating, Captain. 

 

I'm going to hold here and just hope to stabilize a bit more before even considering another cut after week five or so. I think, if this is the worst it gets, that I could probably manage this way. And perhaps I will stabilize a bit more, who knows? 

 

Also, I think my thoughts on switching benzos were mostly panic-stations on my part. I'll just stick with the lorazepam and deal with it when the time comes, I guess. Chicken is right in cautioning me against scaring myself with what I read. I like to think I'm not prone to that but if I'm honest, it can happen... 

 

Dalsaan, I agree, IKEA is horrible in its way  (well especially on a crowded, back-to-school, holiday weekend) but it's an excursion that my husband and I used to enjoy making every once in a while. We used to refer to it as our pseudo trip to Europe :P . Admittedly, we would normally go on much quieter days. But I have enjoyed it in the past and so was a bit gutted to see how poorly this latest attempt fared. That said, I totally get your point - the place is a zoo. I think it was another one of my misguided attempts at trying to do/handle more than I am ready for. 

 

I kind of like their chocolate overload cake, though. :blush:  And, no, it isn't actually a bit like "going to Europe.". But until the next time I can get on that plane, it will have to do. *sigh*

 

Thanks, everyone, for being here. 

 

Love and light to you all.

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear mlrp,

 

I understand completely how you are feeling. (If you read my update, you might conclude that we are in a very similar place). I liked what Dalsaan wrote about IKEA very much. Was never a big fan of noisy and crowded places and a lot of people don't enjoy them. I think this is your first cut so you will get used to things getting wobbly after a it. Maybe that's a sign that a more modest cut would be in order next time to cause less disturbance?

 

We can all relate to the absolute urge to get those drugs out of our bodies but unfortunately they have the capacity to do more harm in that process than they already did. In addition, as I keep discovering, any attempts to speed things up, actually slow me down. So, going as slow as our body feels like is the fastest way. Not to mention the least painful. And you are right about reading about neuro emotions. No matter how many times this happens, it always feels the worst ever. Especially if we felt good before it. 

 

I didn't congratulate you on your achievement at work. Not only for pulling off a great quality output but for being there. When I was reading how you couldn't feel the sense of achievement, it reminded me how you wrote a beautiful reply to my inability to feel present at my wedding. It is so very hard but we are doing it. I also remembered when I forgot faking pride and satisfaction at my accomplishment: I was studying back then and got an A in a difficult exam but when the professor announced the results my face remained perturbed so I had to look for explanations.

 

I wouldn't change the evils we are familiar with. Stay the course. I really believe this is the best route for us. The least changes, the better. You will feel a lot different when that first post cut wave subsides. I focus on one of my drugs and do my best to forget about the other (and the damage it is doing). I have experience that when out of my body, it did even more damage.

 

I enjoyed reading your contributions to others and I'm very happy that you are with us.

 

sending you big hugs 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment

02 Sept 14

 

Checking in the first part of the day - just so I have some record of sx.

 

Morning, having to go back to work, woke in a pretty miserable "cortisol" state. Continuing shaky, anxious, and with a bout of GI issues. Very weepy-emotional, too.

 

Needing to prep for meetings and continued work obligations aren't helping much - although perhaps providing a small bit of distraction at times.

 

I absolutely do not want to reinstate. Cutting 2 ml was a less-than-10% cut and I don't want to back-track so early in the race.

 

I'm trying to listen to my body and distinguish between what might be "OK-for-a-cut-wobbly" and what might be "need-to-reinstate-painful." I think I can hold on as I am, but I do pray for some more stability soon.

 

Can I just say, this whole experience SUCKS?!! OK. sorry. Back to working my program and seeking the positive path.

 

Love and light, everyone.

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Dear Mlrp,

 

Thinking of you and sending you peace and wellness with all my strength.

 

Do not forget what you have already done. The wellbutrin cut wasn't easy but you won.You will win this one too. If you eventually find you have to reinstate, please don't forget what you have done before. I so hate that you have to suffer as much. I am not saying that you should reinstate, but maybe to keep it as an option in your mind (maybe half of the drop?) if there are no improvements in the following weeks. I find it helps for me when the symptoms dont improve after a drop, to at least feel that I have some control on the disgusting symptoms. I set a date (for me it was after 4-5 weeks of feeling awful).

 

Hang in there. Things will fall into place. Take time to breathe, meditate, relax, and not think. Keep the faith Mlrp!

2000-2001: Effexor              2005-2012: Celexa, Zoloft, Effexor, desipramin, Wellbutrin, mirtazepin, Lamictal, Remeron, Abilify, nortriptylin, Cipralex, Cymbalta, and others I don't remember. Really bad side effects to all.
Sept-Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 5mg      Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg --> 10mg
Dec 2012: Paxil 10mg-->0; 1 week later: HUGE WD symptoms. Started to get informed on the internet and back to 10mg Paxil.
Dec 2012-Jan 2013: Paxil 10mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 2.5mg        End Jan 2013: P 9mg, W 100mg, I 2.0mg
Feb 2013: P 8mg, W 100mg, I 1.5mg      April 2013: P 7mg, W 100mg, I 1.25mg       May 2013: P 7mg, W 90mg, I 1mg    

June 2013: P 7mg, W 80mg, I 0mg       July 1/2013: P 7, W 70     July 22/2013: P 7, W 60             Aug 2013: P 7, W 50       Sept 2013: P 6.1, W 50     Oct 2013: P up to 6.3, W 50     Nov 2013: P 6.2 to 5.9, W 50      Dec 2013: P 5.9, W 40      Jan 2014: P 5.3, W40        Feb 2014: P 5.3, W 30      March-April 2014: P 5.3, W 26    May 2014: P 5.3, W 20        June 2014: P 5.3 W 15     July 2014:  P 5.3, W 14       Aug 2014: P 5.3, W up to 15     Sept 2014: P 5.3, W 14    Oct 2014: P 4.8, W 14      Nov 2014: P 4.3, W 14     Dec 2014-Jan 2015: P 3.9, W 14     Feb 2015: P 3.9, W 12    March 2015: P 3.6, W 12   April-May 2015: P 3.3, W 12    June 2015: P 3.3, W 10    July 2015: P 3.3, W 8   Aug-Sept 2015: P 3.3, W 6   Oct 2015: P 3.0, W 6   Nov 2015: P 2.7, W 6   Dec 2015: P 2.4, W 6   Jan-Feb 2016: P 2.4, W 5  March 2016: P 2.2, W 5   April 2016: P 2.2, W 4   May-June 2016: P 2.2, W 3  July 2016: P 2.2, W 2  Aug 2016: P 2.2, W 1  Sept 2016: P 2.2, W 0!!  Oct 2016: P 2.0   Nov 2016-Jan 2017: P 1.8  Feb-Mar 2017: P 1.9  April-May 2017: P 1.8   June 2017: P 1.6 July-Dec 2017: P 1.5  Jan-April 2018: P 1.6

Others: Cytomel 25mcg (thyroid), vit. C, vit D, Omega-3 fish oil, Magnesium bisglycinate , Melatonin 1mg, 81mg Aspirin, Milk peptides, L-theanine, Valericalm tincture mix, scullcap tincture, Suan Zao Ren (jujube seeds)

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm not clear how much of your drugs you're actually cutting because you're describing them in terms of milliliters, which is just a volume of liquid, not a dose of drug in milligrams.  How many milligrams of Wellbutrin is in your homemade milliliter and ditto for the Remeron? Or are you meaning to say milligrams?  I'm confused, and it's not possible to offer any suggestions without information that is clear.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

Link to comment

Hang in there. Things will fall into place. Take time to breathe, meditate, relax, and not think. Keep the faith Mlrp!

 

I can't agree more; and my advice:do not reinstate.

 

Thank you for your supportive words in my thread.

 

Hugs,A.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

Link to comment

Mlrp, you are in my thoughtsand prayers

Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement.

 

Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years

January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT

Link to comment

Athena, Skylar, Alex, Jemima, thank you all for looking in on me. More after I answer Jemima's question.

 

Jemima, I'm making separate, liquid solutions of Wellbutrin and Remeron in water on a 1 milligram:1 milliliter ratio, so currently taking 12.5 mg of Wellbutrin twice a day (been doing that since May) and as of Aug 15, cut the original prescription of 30 mg. of Remeron to 28 mg. of Remeron once a day - so not even a 10% cut. I'll quit trying to be clever and just stick to milligrams when discussing dosages. 

 

Even before this whole thing started, I was very sensitive to foreign substances, meds, herbs, etc., so I'm not too surprised that I would possibly be feeling a cut after only two weeks in. I'm in this weird place where I don't want to trust what I'm feeling - like it's almost too text-book a reaction - am I possibly bringing the sx on by almost "expecting" them? Except, as God is my witness, I don't see how under any circumstances I would be willing to put myself through something like this. No. This morning, and the last couple of mornings, have been too real for this just to be my mind playing tricks. I want nothing more than for everything to settle down. It's been 17 days since I cut the Remeron. Things do feel fairly bleak, but I want to hold on a bit longer. I've been thinking all along to give each cut five weeks (unless things become just unbearable) before deciding whether to cut again, hold some more, or reinstate (hopefully not). 

 

I would welcome your perspective on this, Jemima. 

 

I'm so humbled by the support and friendships here. We all begin by knowing next to nothing about each other - except this common hardship (bordering on horror at times) that we all endure. And little by little, we learn little details  - about the people we are beyond the damage inflicted by these drugs. 

 

Beautiful Athena who takes time to encourage me with spirited words. I hope your apartment move has gone well! 

 

Alex, with your passionate artist's soul - I see you as a courageous, seasoned fellow traveler on this path. 

 

Skylar, your prayers are sacred and precious, because they are the prayers of someone whose pain and suffering has been profound. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight. Thank you.

 

Work is busy, and as long as I'm a little weighed down by these current sx, I can't quite get around people's threads as much as I would like. SA is one of my very few, true saving graces. It's about the only place where I feel completely understood. And, paradoxically, it's often when I'm here typing that, for a brief time, I can almost forget why I'm here at all.

 

I know I'll survive and come out better on the other side. I want that for all of us. And I feel selfish and stupid focusing on my sx when others suffer so much. 

 

Maybe tomorrow... I'm looking for that next little window... 

 

<<big hug>> to every one of you!

 

 

 

[OK, so file this under TMI, but for the sake of my own records - I just started a period. I'm peri-menopausal - thought I was actually in full menopause because it's been about four months since my last onset. I suppose that could have something to do with these latest sx. Who knows, right?]

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Mirp

 

Re your TMI disclosure, I think that plays a big part. I find I really struggle around the time of my period

 

Take care

 

Thinking of you

 

Dx

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

Link to comment

Dear Mirp

the window will come it has to its a given,every day you fight this is a day closer to recovery 

take care

2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear mlrp,

 

sending you good energies as well and hoping this wave will subside soon.

 

I also wanted to add that when I started tapering Xanax, my first cut was 5 % although some members warned me I might have to go for even less. After observing my symptoms following a few cuts it became obvious that even 5 % is too much and that my CNS only works with 2.5 % cut of this drug but I could do it every 2 weeks. I noticed that withdrawal symptoms are much less pronounced if I make smaller cuts more frequently but then again not more frequently than every two weeks. Not to mention that Rhi advised ocassional longer holds even if I wasn't too symptomatic which was extremely helpful.

 

So the pace of tapering is something we all have to agree on with our CNS. I wouldn't go up now because CNS doesn't like changes but in the future I would try with an even smaller cut. I'm sure you will after a while find out what pace works best for you, that is your CNS. Of course I was disappointed that I couldn't taper 10 % per month but only 5 %. But then again, some people can taper only with even smaller cuts. From time to time I try to see if I can speed up this process at least a little bit but every time the answer is a resounding NO.  

 

I find it easier to accept this slowness when I remind myself of what cutting before I discovered SA did to me. Also, despite the small cuts I could make, since February I managed to come down fom 2 mg to 1.34 and that's huge! Not to mention that I have been (mostly) feeling better than ever since being on these drugs (except for the times when I was trying to renegotiate the tapering schedule with my CNS).

 

Also, I don't take Magnesium continuously but when the anxiety flares up, it sooths me. What helps most is to know that this will pass and understand why it happened. Once you have had your first experience of a wave that just lost its power by smashing against the shore, it will be easier. Especially with this fear and disappointment of things turning ugly again.

 

In the meantime, treat yourself very gently, cut yourself plenty of slack. After all, you've deserved it. You completed that major job and can afford to rest on laurels (if not exactly sleep ;)

 

big hug,

bubble

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment

Andy, and Dalsaan, Thank you for kind, thoughtful words. I really am continually amazed by the caring and support of the good people on these boards.

 

Bubble, you are one wise soul! Your words are probably exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Struggling this morning with anxiety like I haven't had in a while (well not since this wave hit a few days ago). I can be too willful for my own good, and I'm finally getting the message from my higher power (via Bubble and everyone's kind caring) to accept that this is where I am right now. Doesn't mean I'm going to be here forever. I'm only adding to my misery by piling frustration and self-pity on top of the actual symptoms over which I have no control.

 

I'll see where I am at about the five-week mark and reassess percentages, pace, etc. (unless things get really ugly before then).

 

I take 250 - 500 mg Magnesium Citrate every day and definitely think I benefit from it. Also take the occasional "Calms" tablet (homeopathic by Hyland's) for anxiety - makes me sleepy but helps a little. And this morning, I'll be drinking a cup of Yogi "Relaxed Mind" tea instead of the usual decaf coffee.

 

While I've been typing this, I've gotten a couple of interruptions at work. In that brief amount of time I've been away, I can already tell that acceptance of where I am actually lightens the load.

 

Serenity takes practice, practice, (gentle) practice.

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Mlrp I agree with Dalsaan. I'm not sure what TMI means, but I think having your period is very important information! I struggle more before my period too, and inversely WD has affected my period cycle. It has been more frequent than usual for a year, just starting to stabilize, as I was like a Swiss clock before. I had also never clearly suffered from PMS before, but I have very much for the last year 1/2. ADs, and WD from them, affects hormones a lot and hormone cycles, in my case at least. But I find it stabilizes again eventually.

 

I also agree with Bubble, to maybe try a tiniest cut at the next step once you have stabilized from this one, which will come!! I try to take all symptoms and body reactions as information for the future, especially when they're very bad. Easy to say right?!! When I suffer too much, I slow down (of course with the sound advice and precious help of people here, especially Rhi who reminds me to take breaks! :)) Taking it very slowly at first doesn't mean you can't adjust later if it goes well.

 

Go Mlrp!!! You can do this!!

2000-2001: Effexor              2005-2012: Celexa, Zoloft, Effexor, desipramin, Wellbutrin, mirtazepin, Lamictal, Remeron, Abilify, nortriptylin, Cipralex, Cymbalta, and others I don't remember. Really bad side effects to all.
Sept-Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 5mg      Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg --> 10mg
Dec 2012: Paxil 10mg-->0; 1 week later: HUGE WD symptoms. Started to get informed on the internet and back to 10mg Paxil.
Dec 2012-Jan 2013: Paxil 10mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 2.5mg        End Jan 2013: P 9mg, W 100mg, I 2.0mg
Feb 2013: P 8mg, W 100mg, I 1.5mg      April 2013: P 7mg, W 100mg, I 1.25mg       May 2013: P 7mg, W 90mg, I 1mg    

June 2013: P 7mg, W 80mg, I 0mg       July 1/2013: P 7, W 70     July 22/2013: P 7, W 60             Aug 2013: P 7, W 50       Sept 2013: P 6.1, W 50     Oct 2013: P up to 6.3, W 50     Nov 2013: P 6.2 to 5.9, W 50      Dec 2013: P 5.9, W 40      Jan 2014: P 5.3, W40        Feb 2014: P 5.3, W 30      March-April 2014: P 5.3, W 26    May 2014: P 5.3, W 20        June 2014: P 5.3 W 15     July 2014:  P 5.3, W 14       Aug 2014: P 5.3, W up to 15     Sept 2014: P 5.3, W 14    Oct 2014: P 4.8, W 14      Nov 2014: P 4.3, W 14     Dec 2014-Jan 2015: P 3.9, W 14     Feb 2015: P 3.9, W 12    March 2015: P 3.6, W 12   April-May 2015: P 3.3, W 12    June 2015: P 3.3, W 10    July 2015: P 3.3, W 8   Aug-Sept 2015: P 3.3, W 6   Oct 2015: P 3.0, W 6   Nov 2015: P 2.7, W 6   Dec 2015: P 2.4, W 6   Jan-Feb 2016: P 2.4, W 5  March 2016: P 2.2, W 5   April 2016: P 2.2, W 4   May-June 2016: P 2.2, W 3  July 2016: P 2.2, W 2  Aug 2016: P 2.2, W 1  Sept 2016: P 2.2, W 0!!  Oct 2016: P 2.0   Nov 2016-Jan 2017: P 1.8  Feb-Mar 2017: P 1.9  April-May 2017: P 1.8   June 2017: P 1.6 July-Dec 2017: P 1.5  Jan-April 2018: P 1.6

Others: Cytomel 25mcg (thyroid), vit. C, vit D, Omega-3 fish oil, Magnesium bisglycinate , Melatonin 1mg, 81mg Aspirin, Milk peptides, L-theanine, Valericalm tincture mix, scullcap tincture, Suan Zao Ren (jujube seeds)

Link to comment

03 Sept 14 Afternoon

 

Jeez-o-lu, this withdrawal syndrome business is a real thing and today proves it (again) to me. Pretty rocky first half of the day. Lots of anxiety, feelings of hopelessness or despair. GI "events." I just gritted my teeth and got my work done. Practiced accepting, not fighting, the symptoms. Took a brief walk at lunch. A few minutes of meditation and prayer. Rather a pronounced headache after lunch, and that pressurized feeling in my head that makes it feel as if it weighs about 200 lbs. 

 

Then... 

 

about 2:30 p.m., the pressure and headache began to lift.  I took note of it but didn't dare hope. 4:00 p.m., had a fairly distinct window-like drive home. Tried not to focus excessively on it. 

 

At 5:20, I feel what feels like the remnants of a headache, as if my brain's been "through" something. Withstood a phone call with my mom - never pleasant - but didn't get triggered. I wouldn't say that I'm still in the window from the drive home, but more in that neutral "absence of a wave" space. I'll take it. As long as it lasts.

 

Here's what I remember thinking while the window was really open:

  • When you're in the next wave, try to remember - ask people to remind you - at minimum consult this journal regarding how this feels right now. Normal, just normal. Fully engaged in living and without the burden of a CNS encumbered by horrible drugs. It really is exceedingly difficult to recall how windows feel in the midst of waves and, thank God, nearly as challenging to recall how waves feel in the midst of windows. Hence my still to this day falling prey to occasionally questioning whether it's withdrawal, or something inherently wrong with me, that is the problem. Believe me, folks, it's withdrawal. This is my brain, not on, but tapering off of, drugs. 
  • I talked a little bit to my brain - encouraging it to keep working on rebuilding those connections, and continuing the good work of healing itself. Why the heck not? Couldn't hurt, might help. 
  • I can totally see how a person who has been put on these drugs, or is attempting to taper off of them, and who experiences windows and waves could easily be misdiagnosed by some shrink as bipolar.  During windows, I am almost always overtaken by immense joy at simply being alive and feeling symptom-free. Add to that the accompanying desire to "make up for lost time" by reconnecting with people, picking up dropped interests, and taking big bites out of life once again, and I can just see the raised eyebrow on a pdoc's face. I'm pretty much done sharing any details with pdocs, myself, but just sayin'

7:00 p.m. Still in that neutral "absence of a wave" place. Trying not to over-think anything, at all, full stop. Making a healthy dinner and hoping to stay pleasantly (or at least not-unpleasantly) neutral through to bed time.

 

I hope to have a chance to look in on a few of you good people tonight but if I don't quite make it, please forgive. Thank you, thank you, thank you for support and kind words.

 

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers, though. 

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Hi mIrp, I am very pleased that you’ve had a window or at least got to a neutral place! I will eventually be tapering off of Remeron as well so I’m really rooting for you! We're gonna put Remeron out of business. 

Many psychiatric drugs previous to this.

 

June 2014:    Mirtazapine 30mg, Lithium 600mg, and Lyrica 100mg. (Acute withdrawal ends, but withdrawal sensations continue.)

June 2015:    Mirtazapine 26.5mg,  Lithium 535mg, and Lyrica 75mg.

June 2016:    Mirtazapine 20mg,  Lithium 350mg, and Lyrica 30mg. 

June 2017:    Mirtazapine 19.1mg,  Lithium 200mg, Lyrica .5mg  (Lyrica discontinued September 2017)

March 2018:  Mirtazapine 16.15mg, Lithium 90mg 

October 2019: Mirtazapine 4.65mg (Lithium discontinued March 2019)

June 2020:    Mirtazapine 1.25mg

January 2021: Off all drugs.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello mlrp,

 

just to greet you and let you know we are thinking about you and hoping this wave is subsiding and windows getting wider. I liked a lot what you wrote about bipolar situation (I like a lot everything you write ;) I've been feeling and thinking in exactly the same way but wasn't able to put it down in wriitng so succinctly. 

 

hugs

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I so hope your "absence of a wave" continues today or that you've reached a window.

 

I could have cut and paste your description of your symptoms yesterday and posted it in my thread. It mirrored my day, mindset, and headache down to the hour. Crazy!

 

I'm rooting for your window!

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts)

Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal 

Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue 

Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast)

April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin 

Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop)

Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms 

Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but…

Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs

Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine  then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months

Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding.

 

My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

 

Link to comment

I too enjoy your writing, although sorry for the content. You are so right about the "bipolar." For me, it goes both ways. My pdoc has "ADD" or side effects from the Cymbalta, Nuvigil and Klonopin she takes (it is TMI when the doc tells you about her meds!) and I never know who she will be when we meet.

 

Anyway, we are all different, but my Wellbutrin taper had much more variety of symptoms than the other drugs. I had three days of severe diarrhea once that resolved by accidentally taking 200 mg instead of 100 mg (and then going into total overactivation), episodes of physical symptoms that felt like panic attacks but no emotion, the quaking, depression that emotionally felt like being spun on a ride at the fair, blah blah blah, it was always changing. The other drugs seem more consistent going down. I don't know if that gives you any ideas, but I sure do sympathize.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

Hi mIrp, I am very pleased that you’ve had a window or at least got to a neutral place! I will eventually be tapering off of Remeron as well so I’m really rooting for you! We're gonna put Remeron out of business. 

Add another here to put them out of business. I got off that horrible drug. Hopefully everyone will.  I took Cipro (antibiotic) while on it and I think that is what made the Remeron turn against me.

I hope you do well coming off it.

Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

March 2017 DRUG FREE

Link to comment

Friday 09/05

 

Hi, folks, dear, dear friends. It is so good  of you to look in on me and share your thoughts. I am with each of you, in thought and prayer, every day.

 

Here's the report so far. I am mystified and (very cautiously) allowing myself a bit of optimism.

 

Wednesday's "neutral space" blossomed into a window overnight. Woke on Thursday with far fewer symptoms. Went through the entire day just feeling like me, living my life. The difference to how I had been feeling (for what seemed like forever) was HUGE. Really, really palpable. Went through the day at work just fine. Was able to work more productively and actually enjoyed getting things done. That said, I didn't have that "God, I'm me again! I love life, must start in on neglected projects!" feeling that I wrote about last time. This window has been much more of a normal neutral, not an absence-of-wave neutral, just normal life. After I got home, I was able to do more than usual - made dinner, cleaned a sink (wow!). Went for a walk with my husband and I just kept going on and on about how different  I felt. I told him, "this head, I could easily take for a slow, easy jog. That other head, NO WAY. I'm usually whimpering just trying to feed the cat or water flowers." It's like this OTHER THING takes control of my CNS and I have no choice but to go along for the ride and protect myself as much as possible. I know you all know what I'm talking about. 

 

Even managed to put on a little bit of make-up (amazing!) before my Thursday night 12-step meeting. Went to the meeting (for once) not feeling as if I was a sad, scared, little lump of anxious misery who had to fake my way through every bit of social interaction and force every wan, little smile. 

 

Woke up today, Friday, with no significant symptoms to speak of (!!!). Managed to put on some make-up for work (This is truly amazing. It's usually all I can do to get myself washed and dressed.) Went through my day (lots of work to do) without major issues, enjoying (again) some of my accomplishments.

 

On the one hand, this window feels more solid than any other one I can remember having. As if my brain has found, or created, some new pathway that it prefers. Or, at least I prefer it, that's for sure! It's a pathway, or state (as in solid-state construction - my dad is an old electronics/telecommunications guy) that feels both familiar and new at the same time. 

 

And, so, on the other hand, (and I've been trying not to focus on this too much) I've been waiting for that other shoe to drop, that wave to hit.  I've written in the past about how, during a window, I'm almost afraid to move my head the wrong way for fear of jiggling something loose and bringing on a wave. Well, this is similar. Except it's less about the physical and more about the mental. I'm not purposely avoiding distressing thoughts or situations, but I have noticed that I've been keeping my thought path very linear, not too complex. Almost as if I'm trying to let my brain "rest" in this place and practice, or solidify, whatever these good connections are. I have also been mindful of not over-exerting myself physically. Emphasis on calm, quiet, healing energy.

 

I have the occasional sad, or anxiety-provoking, thought, and I've once or twice had the feeling that the window was starting to close and anxiety was creeping in at the edges. But, so far, I've just let those things be, neither pushing too hard against, nor going too much with them, and the window's stayed open thus far.

 

I don't dare allow myself to think this is it - withdrawal will now be a piece of cake with no more waves. I don't know what to think, really. I'm just going to go with this as long as I can and be oh, so immensely grateful for it. 

 

So, this is the end of week three of my first cut. I think I started to feel the cut by the early part of the second week - followed by quite a bit of waviness - until this window opened the middle of week three. One cut does not a pattern make, so we'll see. I still plan on holding at least five weeks before even contemplating another cut. 

 

What a wild ride this is. 

 

I'm so sorry I haven't checked in with you, fellow travelers on this harrowing journey. It's just, I've just been flabbergasted by the quality of this window, and afraid to do anything to shift it! :P  I haven't even checked my personal e-mail in about two days, but I'm going to jump back into the fray a bit now, and see how it goes. 

 

Chicken (that is, if you've managed to read this far and, if you have, what's wrong with you?!  :P ) A. I like your new avatar! and B. I was on intravenous antibiotics for almost eight weeks last winter (freak blood infection) and I'm pretty sure cipro may have been one of them. I can only imagine how that protocol may have complicated my dance with Remeron and Wellbutrin, but it couldn't be helped - it was a life or death thing, I'm afraid. 

 

I hope with all my heart that we can one day put Remeron out of business! I don't plan on being a success story who disappears into the mist. Once I am well enough (however long that takes) I'm going to find a way (whatever that is) to make my voice heard about this iatrogenic horror being perpetrated on, really, society at large. 

 

Light and love, everyone. I'll be checking in round your way soon!

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

You are doing great sweetheart; you are on your way to recovery.

Sending healing vibes all the way from CR to Washington :)

 

Hugs,A.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for your regular updates mlrp, I also like reading what you write and relate to much of how you think....especially this:

 

I'm so sorry I haven't checked in with you, fellow travelers on this harrowing journey. It's just, I've just been flabbergasted by the quality of this window, and afraid to do anything to shift it! :P

 

and

 

I've been waiting for that other shoe to drop, that wave to hit.  I've written in the past about how, during a window, I'm almost afraid to move my head the wrong way for fear of jiggling something loose and bringing on a wave. Well, this is similar. Except it's less about the physical and more about the mental.

 

To me, windows seem like nervous, vulnerable little creatures which are easily scared away, my instinct is to keep very still and quiet so I can enjoy it for as long as possible.

 

You are doing really well and I'm sure you are going to be fine now you are on a safe tapering schedule.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Looks like I missed one hell of a wave. Sorry that I wasn't "here" to support you. You are in my thoughts even when I'm not dropping by. I am thrilled to hear that a window has opened for you. I agree with Petu about them being nervous, vulnerable little creatures. I know mine tend to be. 

 

As for the other shoe, I, too wait for it. Sometimes I wonder if I am the one holding it above my own head. One shoe did fall a couple weeks ago and somehow I seem to have survived what I was certain would kill me. We are so much stronger than we think. I think that anyone going thru w/d deserves a medal...or at least a cape. 

 

I don't feel that your TMI was TMI. Periods, and the hormones that go with them, had such a strong impact on my life. It was pure horror. I wouldn't wish the truly uncontrollable mood-swings on anyone. I went so far as to have a hysterectomy just to get them (and anemia) to stop and it made a huge difference in my life. Not advocating hysterectomies, they bring their own issues, but please don't underestimate the impact that your period may have on your symptoms and experiences.

 

I hope that your window brings some fresh air and a light spirit into your life.  

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Somebody has disappeared on us.... ;) I hope it means you are doing well. 

 

hugs

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment

I 2nd bubble

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment

Hi, folks,

 

I'm doing fairly well, maybe even a little better than that. I hope everyone else is, too. I'm a little embarassed by my disappearing act. :blush: I feel a lot loyalty and kinship to all of you on this board and didn't mean to fly away like that.

 

I went to the beach with my husband Sept 9 - 12, which was mostly wonderful (especially when I recall that this time last year I wasn't well enough emotionally, mentally, or physically, to go with him to the beach. He went with his sister's family, instead). My window did eventually disintegrate, and I had two or three pretty wavey days after we got back. I think emotional transitions, even minor ones, are still difficult for my CNS to negotiate. I can easily fall into a rabbit hole.

 

Then I started to self-isolate - an unhealthy habit of mine. For a while, I wasn't even checking my personal e-mails - had a lot of anxiety around any kind of social contact. So... I hope I didn't worry anyone too much. Back in the saddle now. Still a little wobbly, but mostly ok.

 

Today is day four of my latest cut in Remeron. After five weeks at 28 mgs., I have cut an additional 2.8 mgs for a current daily dose of 25.2 mgs. Seem to be doing alright. I might even say that my wavey times are slightly less frequent than they used to be, and that my overall symptom profile is slightly improved. Mornings are often still the worst part of my day. Dreams seem to have returned for the most part - some of them are pretty wild. Will hold here for at least four weeks.

 

Work has been insanely busy (got a bonus for my budget work - imagine!) which is another "excuse" for not logging on here. Poor excuse, though, because I consider so many of you friends whom I would not wish to neglect.

 

I have a lot of catching up on your various threads to do. Looking forward to it!

 

~:~:~:~:~Love and Light to all~:~:~:~:~

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

mirp so nice to hear you have been doing well ,keep going and keep the faith  <_<

2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy