BlueMonster My First Post. Having a hard day

[BlueMonster]

Hi,

 

Im new here. I haven't had time o r energy to put, my history in my signature yet, but ill get here. Im posting from my iPad so please excuse typos.

 

Im working on tapering Celexa. Im really struggling today with big waves of tears and sadness. Overwhelmed by all around me that is nit finished and that I cant even seem to work on right now. I am also feeling kind like i am choking. I think there is a name for these physical sensations that i read about on here somewhere but i can only remember Windows and waves. I am definitely in a wave right now, and i feel like my surfboard just broke and sharks are circling. I am telling myself this is not going to stay this way. I am praying. But thew aves keep crashing.

 

Thats all for now.

[Jemima]

Welcome to the forum, Blue Monster.

 

I'd like to offer some advice to make you feel better, but we can't do that without knowing more.  How much Celexa were you on to start, how much are you on now, and how fast did you taper?  It sounds to me like you've tapered way too fast because you're having severe withdrawal symptoms. You'll probably feel better if you increase your dose a bit, but I can't suggest how much without knowing more.

 

Here's our topic on tapering off Celexa: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/?hl=celexa

 

Please tell us more so we can help.

[Rhiannon]

Certainly at the very least stop tapering right now and hold your dose where you are until we can get more information, as Jemima describes above.

 

It's also helpful to know if you've tried to get off in the past, or gotten off and had to go back on, and if you're taking or have been taking or have recently quit taking any other psych meds.

 

What you're experiencing sounds like classic withdrawal symptoms. We've all been there. It sucks. I'm so sorry.

 

This can be controlled by tapering more slowly. You may need to go back up a little bit if you've been tapering too fast, get your CNS stable, and then when you're feeling better restart your taper at a slower rate.

 

Check out the topics in the Tapering section. This one in particular is a favorite of mine: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6036-why-taper-paper-demonstrates-importance-of-gradual-change-in-plasma-concentration/

 

And if/when you can, read over the other topics in Important Topics and the other sections that are "pinned" to the top of the page.

 

If you look at the charts on pages 4 and beyond, you can see why the rate of taper needs to slow down as the taper progresses. This is why we recommend cuts of no more than 10% of your current dose (not your original dose).

 

I don't know your full history so I can't really predict exactly what will happen, but if you've just been tapering too fast, if you hold now for a while, maybe reinstate a small amount, you are going to feel better. Hang in there, glad you're here!

[BlueMonster]

Hi Rhi and Jemima,

 

Thanks for your kind words. Today was MUCH better than yesterday. I think spending time with a caring relative who loves me unconditionally yesterday helped. I also took an Epsom Salt bath, and that seemed to make a palpable difference. 

 

Ok, still don't have my full history - but in the interest of overcoming my perfectionism, I will tell y'all the recent stuff.

 

Here's my current Rx:

 

AM:

 

Buspar: 15 mg

Deplin (l-Methylfolate): 15 mg

5 htp: 100 mg

LTyrosine: 200 mg

 

 

PM:

Celexa: 20 mg

Buspar: 15 mg

5 htp: 100mg

 

 

Also take a daily probiotic, and am doing my best to eat clean / GAPS/SCD-esque. (it's a friggin hard diet, but I really think it will help, and I plan to get into it for realz, but I'm still in research / preparation mode right now)

 

ok - so tapering. I started cutting my Celexa to 3/4 of a pill around mid April this year. I'm sure you noticed the amino acids in my list above. I've been working with a functional physician for some time who subscribes to the Marty Hinz school of thought - which I know is controversial on this site. I have also realized that cutting the pills is inconsistent in the dosing, and I am pretty sure that I am very sensitive. I am planning to try out the DIY liquid Celexa I read on here. Last night I took a full 20 mg, and did the Epsom salt bath, and practiced good boundaries when my husband was being a dink. (that is a whole other facet of this thing) I tried going down to half a pill recently - sin obviously negative results. So I know the things you both wrote about tapering to quickly are spot on. I am learning so much on this site. 

 

Another thing to add with respect to tapering - I sometimes forget to take my meds. I plan to write out a full history, med wise, but at the moment it comes in bits and pieces. I stopped seeing my psychMedNurse earlier this year because she just wanted to put me on more and more stuff, and I kept resisting - trying to stay at the most benign meds and lowest doses.

 

I did do a CT stop of 20 mg of just Celexa in March 2012 - pretty sure it was 2012. That was gnarly. With all I have been reading on this site - I suspect that did some pretty bad damage to my CNS. I went back on somewhere around Fall 2013. ( It's kind of a blur right now, and I like that y'all encourage us to write out our history. I think that is going t be beneficial for me... its just a matter of unraveling it all - not a quick process)

 

So where I am today is clearly a bit damaged. I just got the Glenmullen book in the mail today. I printed off the tracking worksheets from another thread. I think daily tracking and documentation is going to be important for me.

 

I feel like I am about to enter a new chapter of life. I am thankful to have found you all and this site. I am thankful for the internet anonymity to be able to lay this all out. I am even thankful for the old skool bulletin board thing. I hope I can be a blessing to others here, as well as receive help and encouragement.

 

Thank you both for sharing your stories and help here, with all you have been through. 

 

-Blue

[bubble]

Hello and welcome BlueMonster,

 

I know well what you mean by overcoming perfectionism: it's prevented me from doing anything quite a few times but you are managing it the way I usually do it: telling myself I won't do what I think shoudl be done but will do SOMETHING

 

We have a bit clearer picture with your latest additions (and you can just copy them into the signature so that we can see it whenever you post instead of having to browse through your thread). I also find it very useful as a calendar of my cuts. 

 

It seems that you are still fluctuating with the dosing of Celexa? So mid of April you were on 3/4 of a pill? (it's very positive that you are moving towards making DIY liquid). From then on till now, you have been pretty inconsistent with dosing and also sometimes skipping doses (accidentally).  Now you have more or less gone back to the initial 20 mg (at least on some days). Do I understand it well?

 

Given this inconsistent pattern (which our CNS dislikes intensely), if I were you, I'd stabilise on 20 mg celexa and hold it for some time. I would use that time to learn about safe ways of tapering and also inform myself about 5 htp (which has very mixed reviews), the role of Buspar and amino acids. These background players contribute a lot to the whole picture. And in case of healing our brains from medication, less is more. ( We all had a stage when we would buy various supplements believing it would help the process only to find out that it didn't do anything or very often even made things worse since our brains are (during tapering and withdrawal) extra sensitive even to things that we found helpful before.) Most people do well with magnesium and omega 3:

 

 http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

I also practice boundaries a lot so understand that too. It seems you are also dealing with external stressors in your relationship. It's a lot to handle so give yourself some credit for that. You are already making some good decisions on many fronts: setting boundaries, being mindful of your diet, educating yourself on how to taper... It all takes time and it's a process of learning and changing habits.

 

It happens to all of us to sometimes forget to take medication. Then we just take it as soon as possible and resume a regular schedule. But it is very, very important to train yourself to take the same dose at the same time of the day. (I had big problems with that but when I realised how important that is and why, I now successfuly take one of my drugs 5 times a day (including at night). So it is possible (when I understood that taking it at infrequent intervals was causing symptoms).

 

I also felt like I was doing something extremely important for myself when joining this forum and opening a new chapter as you say. And so far I can say, I was right: I feel better and more in control than ever before through understanding what is happening to me. 

 

You may also want to inform yourself about Buspar: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3210-tips-for-tapering-off-busipirone-buspar/?hl=buspar

 

and 5-HTP http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/656-5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan-and-tryptophan/

 

the slow turtle wins the race so give yourself time

 

best,

bubble

[Petunia]

Hi BlueMonster,

I don't have anything to add to the excellent advice you have been given so far, but I wanted to say hello, welcome and I love your cute avatar.

 

Petu.

[Pokeshaw]

Hi BlueMonster,

 

I am not one of the moderators, but  i identify alot with your story so i wanted to say welcome and to share part of my story.

i tried so many things before i found this forum and the wisdom and experience these folks have. it has truly been a life saver for me.

 

i too tried the Dr. Hinz protocol. i spend alot of money (did it for over 6 months) and had some good periods, but the doctor, who consulted with Hinz on my case, was not able to stabilize me.  at the end i was fluctuating so much and could not tolerate the state i was in that i decided, with the help of my primary care doc (also an alternative med doc) to stop, which i had to do gradually.  i now know it was because i was dealing with SSRI discontinuation syndrome and also had not been on a consistent dose of the SSRI that i had reinstated. So, from my experience, i would say that the Hinz protocol might work for someone not dealing with dis-regulation of the nervous system but i dont think it works to treat SSRI discontinuation syndrome. i searched the net and talked to a few doctors but could not find any info on how it would work for this syndrome.  i tried other treatments as well, which i wont go into but really what helped was following the advice and support i found here. i am doing so much better now and i dont take any supplements at all. i eat  a very clean simple diet and try to take good care of myself.  the most important thing i did was to stay at a consistent dose and to taper very very slowly. it took a while for this advice to sink in, but i now get it!  i just tapered from 3 months at .5 mg of lexapro to .485 mg ( a 3% cut) and had a wavy 6-7 days but feeling pretty good now so will stay at this dose for a while before making another cut.

i hope you are doing ok. perhaps the Hinz protocol will work better for you. i know our bodies and nervous systems are all different,so it would be great if it did work well for you. i just wanted to let you know about my experience.

best,

Pokeshaw in Brooklyn