☼ Zang909 Almost 20 Years Medicated. Time to stop.

[Altostrata]

Thank you for letting us know how you're doing, Zang. I'd call that progress!

[Addax]

Yes! Progress, Zang. Good solid progress. I'm so glad to here it!

[Zang909]

Thanks, Altostrata and Addax!

 

I wanted to make sure to update my thread here to share what others might experience on their own journeys out of antidepressant reliance. The more information that is out there on boards such as this, the more people can find themselves in the various accounts of withdrawal.

 

I also want to reassure people that negative moods and anxiety, etc. don't necessarily mean that the person going through withdrawal needs to go back onto meds, as several doctors had told me in the past.

 

Sometimes I really want to go back onto the meds. It can be fatiguing to spend so much time thinking about my mental state, dealing with things like being over-tired or dealing with the destabilizing after-effects of having eaten too much sugar, etc. My system is still very delicate and sensitive. My balance can be thrown off by any lapse such as lack of sleep or stressful situation at work.

 

The meds can be like an abusive relationship - they are unhealthy, but sometimes a known, predictable situation can be comforting even though it is unhealthy and damaging. The meds sometimes sing a siren song, telling me that I was "normal" when I was medicated, and that if I just started taking them again, I'd be "normal" and wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy working out my mental state. But that song is a lie, of course.

 

Just a couple of weeks ago I was experiencing terrible feelings of guilt over actions I took decades ago. Terrible, literally gut-churning guilt over things I said or did over twenty years ago. This was difficult, to say the least. But it seems to have let up.

Just last week I was experiencing a constant low hum of anxiety. That doom feeling. But also seems to have let up. 

Will those feelings return? I hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised if they do. Things seem to come in waves, as others have noted. Peaks and valleys.

 

Life hasn't suddenly become easy. I haven't suddenly become "neurotypical."

But things are trending upward. Thanks for listening.

[Addax]

I wanted to make sure to update my thread here to share what others might experience on their own journeys out of antidepressant reliance. The more information that is out there on boards such as this, the more people can find themselves in the various accounts of withdrawal.

This couldn't be more true. I'm going through a tough spell and finding so much similarity and familiarity in your words is incredibly reassuring. I wish you (and anyone else) didn't have to go through this whole thing, but similarities in experience help remind me that I'm in withdrawal and this isn't me, if that makes any sense.

 

Sometimes I really want to go back onto the meds. It can be fatiguing to spend so much time thinking about my mental state, dealing with things like being over-tired or dealing with the destabilizing after-effects of having eaten too much sugar, etc. My system is still very delicate and sensitive. My balance can be thrown off by any lapse such as lack of sleep or stressful situation at work.

 

The meds can be like an abusive relationship - they are unhealthy, but sometimes a known, predictable situation can be comforting even though it is unhealthy and damaging. The meds sometimes sing a siren song, telling me that I was "normal" when I was medicated, and that if I just started taking them again, I'd be "normal" and wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy working out my mental state. But that song is a lie, of course.

This... This is what I'm struggling with now. Reading your words brought tears to my eyes. I'm not yet off fluoxetine completely, but just minutes before reading your post I was thinking about returning to a dose where I felt normal to get me through an unexpected stressful period. I forget (or am denying) that my system is so sensitive and that my stress tolerance is currently significantly impaired.

 

But things are trending upward.

Hooray, Zang!

 

I am thankful for your post and so glad things are progressing for you

[Lilu]

Hi Zang, I've read your whole thread. I'm really impressed by you. Not only do you write well, but you also really know how to communicate.  You really should give yourself a pat on the back for being a man who can look at his emotional life right in the eye and be honest about it, not just with himself but with others as well.  So many "normal" people live their entire lives "in reaction", without ever examining their real selves. 

 

Yes, you are very lucky to be in such a supportive relationship with your wife. This makes a huge difference. However, for me it has been very helpful to have an individual therapist that I talk to, as well as going to group therapy once a week.  Without that support, I would not have been able to go through the withdrawal process.  I think it might be a good idea for you to see a therapist alone and perhaps explore your childhood and teenage years. 

 

I actually had quite an emotional session with  my therapist today.  After more than a year in therapy, things from the past came flying out with such strong emotions attached, that it surprised both of us.  My therapist pointed out that the coping mechanisms that we adopt as children, while being helpful, even life saving at the time, might actually be detrimental and no longer serve us in adulthood.  This of course is usually subconscious.  So, while I don't believe in talking endlessly about the past in therapy, IF the past is still affecting our present, then it's worth examining.  

 

In fact, after my therapy session today, I have this thought: What if the depression or anxiety we experience as children or teens or young adults is a reaction to the things that we found stressful or frightening, relative to that particular age?  For instance, a five year old might be scared and anxious because of imaginary monsters hiding under the bed.  But the cause of that anxiety is obsolete when you're 15. Or a 21 year old might get really anxious about speaking up at meetings at work. By the time you're 45, speaking in public might not make you anxious at all.

 

So, in this sense, having the fear, (which I also have), that after the long antidepressant withdrawal process is over, we will just go back to our former depressed anxious selves, maybe unfounded.  I mean, isn't it silly for me to think that the things that I may have been depressed or anxious about when I was 15, are still the things that would depress me today?  And even if they do, we, as adults, certainly have a lot more resources, knowledge, and skills to deal with things than we did as children or young adults.  

What do you think?

 

PS. It also seems to me that you are a highly sensitive person, a term defined by Elaine Aron who wrote a book about it. 

PPS. A lot of meds can cause hyperaccusis. Xanax did that to my ears. Thank God the effect went away after I stopped taking it.  I couldn't even shop in a supermarket, cause the buzz of the fluorescent lights was unbearable.

 

(Feel free to message me privately, if you want, as well.)

[Zang909]

Lilu, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts re: therapy. I definitely do feel as though I'd benefit from therapy, but the catch-22 is that it would require my missing time from work, which increases my anxiety.

 

I had a difficult childhood, one of constant fear. It makes me think of studies I've read about pertaining to learned helplessness in rats. Rats subjected to constant stresses eventually learned to just give up. I believe that years of physical abuse, fear, and threats from those I was supposed to be able to trust most taught me lessons that interfere with my ability to successfully deal with challenges and stressors today.

 

I think it's possible that a developing child's brain suffers ill effects from being constantly bathed in stress chemicals during its entire formative period.

Of course I can't blame everything on that, but I can't believe that it has zero impact on a developing child's brain.

 

So I'm working to relearn now. And, like learning a language, it's much more difficult to do as an adult. And so frustrating. It's the concern that I'll never be fluent in this second language that can be most maddening. But that's part of what I'm working to make peace with.

I also agree that I'm a highly sensitive person. Something else to deal with. But there you have it.

 

Just to make it a trifecta, I'm probably dealing with some normal mid-life issues right now as well. Possibly normal dissatisfaction with the type of person I am and some (many) choices I've made. Likely normal, but thrown into an already confusing mix of withdrawal and anxiety. There is so much work to be done.

 

Take care and thanks again.

[Zang909]

Had one of the worst nights of this whole withdrawal thing last night. Really disgusted with myself; feeling like an ugly person from an ugly family.

The phantom smell has returned, and it's very strong. I think the phantosmia tends to occur during tapers and/or withdrawal. My wife says that perhaps this is a good sign; if the phantom smell usually occurs during changing chemical levels, it could be a sign that my emotion turmoil and despair right now is a result of the continuing effects of withdrawal rather than an underlying brain problem. I hope she's right.

 

It's so hard not being able to trust one's own thoughts and feelings. You all know this.

[Petunia]

Its not unusual for people to experience small waves of symptoms arising occasionally for up to 2 - 3 years after a successful taper, sometimes these are triggered by increased stress or substances/foods you may still be sensitive to.  Its not an indication of a previous condition returning although many doctors may believe this is the case.

 

You are lucky to have such a supportive wife and I agree with her that this is probably just some residual withdrawal effect.  I hope you are feeling better again soon.

[Zang909]

I've had some very bad days of late. Actually nights. I seem to be able to hold things together okay at work, but I'm a real SOB at home. Critical, irritable, nasty, short-tempered, impatient. Mainly with my wife, which is a terrible situation. She doesn't deserve it at all. This type of behavior is what destroyed my previous marriage twenty years ago, back before I was ever medicated.

That's what troubles me: I feel exactly the way I felt prior to ever taking any meds.

When I saw what I was doing last night, it just destroyed me.

[Petunia]

Hi Zang,

I'm sorry you are having some difficult symptoms to deal with.  I can understand how upsetting it must be to watch yourself acting in ways you don't want to.  Are you able to talk about this with your wife?  If she realizes that this is withdrawal, and not the real you, then it may not have such a bad effect on her.

 

Also, have you considered meditation and relaxation exercises for when you get home.  Perhaps if you came home and did some meditation, rather than engaging with your wife, until you felt better, it would help to relieve some stress. Maybe some exercise, going out for a run?  One positive in this situation is that you can see what's happening, so you can do something about it.

 

I hope you start to feel better soon, do let us know how it goes.

 

Petu.

[Zang909]

Thanks, Petu. That sounds like a good course of action - some quiet alone time when I get home.

What is very frightening is that how I feel about her seems to have changed. We have been very happily married for over 13 years in a very emotionally-supportive and affectionate, demonstrative relationship. And now I feel numb toward her or just irritated by the clothes she wears or her voice. She has not changed; only my reactions to her have changed.

It is terrifying. And I recognize this person I seem to be becoming.

I wish that I could have some certainty, some reassurance that I am not going to become the man I was before I started taking the meds. Then I could endure this, but I'm so scared that I am still that bad person.

By just being myself, I am going to destroy the only good relationship I've ever had.

[Rhiannon]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Zang.

 

When I first opened your thread and looked over your sig line, I thought "hm, that's a pretty fast taper after 20 years on meds, hope that works for him but I won't be surprised if he gets hit down the road." So if it helps at all, I think you're probably experiencing the usual delayed withdrawal period that people get (it's very common for people who come off meds too fast to do okay at first and then get hit about three to six months down the road).

 

I don't think you have an underlying disease state. I don't think you "need" meds. Everything you describe sounds like withdrawal. If you hang in there and ride it out you will get better, but it may take a while. It's similar to people who CT or do a rapid taper, it can take a few years to really fully normalize. But there will be lots of times of feeling better than you do right now.

 

Ordinarily I think someone with a history of decades on meds needs at least a two-year taper, or even three. It can be tricky if you are feeling pretty good during the taper and your symptoms don't really tell you that you're going too fast. But I've seen so many people go through what you're going through that I have become very conservative about taper rates for people with such a long term history. What you're experiencing is not unusual and is why so many people end up on SSRIs for life. You can still be free from them, but it's going to take some recovery time. Hang in there!

[Rhiannon]

Thanks for updating us.

 

It sounds like you may be able to navigate this acute period of withdrawal okay. Now just be aware of the possible shoals down the road--people not uncommonly get hit months out with "relapse" which is actually a post-acute withdrawal, and end up back on meds. With your self-insight and skills, I think you'll be able to get through that too, although feel free to come back here for support if you want. 

 

If you do find you need medication support down the road, we've found that much lower doses than the doctors consider therapeutic can do the trick, with fewer side effects and less to taper off later.

[Zang909]

Thanks for everything you've shared with me, Rhi. I hope I can ride it out and I hope it gets better before I end up destroying my marriage. Ugh.

[Lilu]

I've had some very bad days of late. Actually nights. I seem to be able to hold things together okay at work, but I'm a real SOB at home. Critical, irritable, nasty, short-tempered, impatient. Mainly with my wife, which is a terrible situation. She doesn't deserve it at all. This type of behavior is what destroyed my previous marriage twenty years ago, back before I was ever medicated.

That's what troubles me: I feel exactly the way I felt prior to ever taking any meds.

When I saw what I was doing last night, it just destroyed me.

Hi Zang,

I went through several accute stages during my withdrawal than included all the symptoms that you describe. Critical, irritable, short-tempered, easily-annoyed, angry, impatient, etc.  Those stages passed.  But during those stages I would react to the people in my life with much more intensity of emotion than at other times. Now, those people are from being as angelic-sounding as your wife. (My dad is always critical, short-termpered, and agitated.)  Anyway, my point is that those withdrawal "waves" would pass, and I could see that when they did, that I was able to much more control my reactions to the triggers and stresses in my life.

 

When going through a bad wave, it is very tempting to think, "This is the real me. I really do need to be on medication!" But when the bad wave would be over, and I would feel good again, I'd realize, "Oh that was a wave. Whew, I'm glad I didn't go back on the meds."   I am still going through bad waves and withdrawal, and what I have to keep reminding myself is that I have to make a conscious commitment and a conscientious effort to take care of myself everyday.  This is quite alien for me. My impression  of you is that you  might be better at this than I.  I don't know why we tend to beat ourselves up when we are down, instead of treating ourselves like a precious little wounded child.  

 

I recently read in a magazine, in an article about coping with stress, that trying to employ stress-coping techniques while in the middle of a crisis, is like learning to drive during a snowstorm.  You have to develop a daily practice and keep doing it even when you feel fine. So that the tools and skills become ingrained in your mind and body and are available to you when you need them.  For me, this has been hard to do, because it feels selfish, and I grew up in a home where "duty before leisure" was the mantra.  It's hard to reverse that thinking but it must be done. We have to force ourselves to take care of our selves until it's like second nature.  It takes 21 days to make a new habit. So that means that for 21 days, we have to force ourselves to do something that might not feel natural. Like getting up in the morning and doing yoga or qui gong to center and balance the mind. 

 

Also, I'm planning to try some herbal supplements to see if I can even-out my moods.  Ashwaghanda, an indian ginseng is supposed to be really good for the nervous system.  Inositol, which is recommended for OCD, was extremely effective for an inner anxiety and restlessness that I had as a side effect from Effexor and Pristiq which caused me to pick my skin. Inositol helped tremendously with that.

 

JOURNALING. I find this EXTREMELY helpful.  Whatever emotion is wreaking havoc inside me, (and lately it's been really bad with daily crying spells and distorted thoughts) - I get it all out on paper.  No sensorship, no watching your language or your words. Let your worst fears and crazy thoughts come out on paper.  

WRITING CREATES A SPACE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR EXPERIENCE.  Sometimes, all you need is just a little space to see that there is an "I" there that is separate from the chaos.  If you are having these negative perceptions of your wife and feeling annoyed with her, write them out. Let yourself rage - on paper.  

 

Maybe when you are feeling calm, you and your wife can come up with a game plan to handle the turbulent times.  She might need to learn to set boundaries with you. When you feel a wave of negative emotions coming on and become reactive, your wife might need to tell you to take a "Time Out". This might sound funny, but I feel like in many ways we are like toddlers dealing with unpredictable emotions, learning all over again to control them, and pushing everyone's buttons around us.  Except "a time out" for us might mean, taking a brisk walk, or doing some deep breathing, or journaling - you have to discover what helps you.  

 

Here is some advice given to me, that helps to remind me to cut myself some slack:

 

1.Remember that you are in recovery.

2.Treat yourself tenderly.  

3. Do things that UPLIFT you everyday.

 

Accept the fact that you might be on this emotional roller-coaster ride for a while, but don't expect the worst. Just be prepared. It just occurred to me that the same way that people prepare for tornadoes or hurricanes by having a safe shelter, boarding up windows, using sand bags, stocking up on supplies - we must prepare and have an arsenal of "recovery tools" to sustain us during times of crisis.

 

Hope this helps.

[Zang909]

Thanks so much, Lilu. It's very helpful to me to hear that you have had similar experiences.

 

I have to say, also, that the situation changes day to day. I'm feeling much better than I was earlier in the week. I'm still impatient, but I'm working on it. I may be having to learn to deal with emotions that have been muted by the meds all these years.

 

Right now I'm feeling like I can do this. Hang in there, everybody.

[Zang909]

In case there are any other folks reading my thread, I wanted to update and say that things have been much better. I have had some dark days, as you can see from some previous posts, but things are going pretty well overall.

 

My wife is out of town at a conference, so I'm managing the household and taking care of the kids, and it's going well. My relationship with my wife has been much better over the past week or so, and my relationship with my ADHD son is going well. My daughters, as always, continue to bring me joy.

 

I went to the doctor about the phantom smell and was prescribed a nasal steroid, which seems to have done the trick; the smell is gone. I've also been off the Proton Pump Inhibitor for about a week.

 

I have fewer medications in my body than at any point over the past twenty years. I feel good and I feel hopeful. If I feel this way after almost five months unmedicated, then I can start to feel confident that this my natural state: not a bad guy, not a monster. Just a guy.

 

I've got a decent job and I've got a great family. And I'm getting my life back. Hang in there, everyone!

[bubble]

Thanks a lot for the update! I have to taper Lexapro so hearing about your experience is very helpful. Very happy that things seem to be settling for you. I just read your post on being irritable at home to my husband. I feel and do exactly the same, at times ;( And don't remember being anything like that before drugs. But I changed as person in those 15 years of being drugged as well. 

 

Just wanted to let you know it happens to others (in case it happens again).

 

look forward to hearing about your journey. 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Zang. Be sure to take care of yourself, eat well and sleep well.

[Zang909]

I don't post in many people's threads, but I read a lot of them and they have helped me in many ways on many days. And so I find myself updating my own thread here for those who may read it in the future.

As of today, I am four months and three weeks free of all psychoactive medication. My wife went throught a very stressful and challenging time professionally recently and I was able to help her through that time. It feels good to be able to help someone else instead of always being the one needing help.

I am redefining myself in some ways that might not make sense to many people, but one way that will make sense to people on this board is that I am coming to see myself less and less as someone who "has mental health issues." Less and less as someone who is medicated for psychological problems. More as someone who may be a bit peculiar - a bit high strung and prone to anxiety - but not mentally ill.

I went through a period of clinical depression - no doubt about that: I was going through a difficult divorce and what I saw as my life falling apart. But in all likelihood that was a temporary state exacerbated and cruelly extended by inappropriate chemical treatment on the part of the doctors who were supposed to help me get through that difficult time.

I hope that I am able to stay off the meds forever. Things are looking good now. Not perfect, but good. And good is good enough. It's more than many people get.

Hang in there, everyone. And remember: don't believe everything you think.

[Lilu]

Thanks for the update, Zang. Good to hear that you're doing well.

[Altostrata]

Zang, please continue to add your words of wisdom here!

[Zang909]

Greetings, everyone. Seven months med-free!

I'm writing to update this thread on the 7-month anniversary of my becoming antidepressant-free.

Overall, things are good. The challenges presented by my teenage ADHD stepson continue to be the main triggers for my emotional outbursts, but we're working on that in counseling. He has certain misbehaviors to which kids with ADHD are prone, and I tend to take them too personally, which sets up and perpetuates a dynamic of conflict and offense.

 

The main thing that's happened since I last wrote is the fact that I came down with the flu about two weeks ago. It was an awful, awful flu and I was miserable. It left me literally exhausted - I told my wife that I felt as though a light inside me was going out. That exhaustion contributed to my experiencing a panic attack and a couple of near panic attacks. It was terrifying. Truly terrifying.

I really can't overstate how badly the flu affected me. At times I felt like I was dying. I'm really just getting my strength back, two weeks later.

Just goes to show, again, that tiredness is a time of particular vulnerability for me and for the possible resurgence of symptoms which might otherwise be managed well.

 

My success continues to rely upon self-care - getting sufficient rest always and managing all foreseeable stressors. I live a pretty sedate life with an extremely predictable job. My wife and I strive for peace in our home and she gives me plenty of time to plan for and adapt to any changes or social situations. Without these plans in place, I don't think I'd be doing nearly as well.

 

My updates are probably pretty repetitive by now, but I really feel the need to emphasize the things which are contributing to my success and the things which present challenges. If I'd had this information years ago, I may have been able to avoid years of seemingly inexplicable suffering. So let my pain be your gain.

 

Hang in there, everyone. Even the people you see walking down the street every day, seemingly happy and well-adjusted, are all struggling with their own challenges.

[Zang909]

I've got a fair amount of anxiety going on right now and have had for a couple of days. It's looking around for things to attach itself to, just making me feel that sense of dread, that feeling that something bad is going on, or that I've made some terrible mistake. My throat is constricted, which has in the past seemed to be a symptom of withdrawal.

 

Can this be from that bad bout of the flu? Still?

 

Or is it withdrawal, even after all this time? Argh, this stinks...

[Zang909]

Perhaps this is just a wave, even after seven months of no antidepressants?

I'd almost forgotten how visceral the anxiety gets - that sinking feeling in my gut. My heart pounding. The lurking doom. The dread.

The anxiety just makes me want to hide and give up. And then my thoughts start snowballing: I'm going to be like this forever! What if I can't take care of my kids? What if I die?

It's demoralizing to be experiencing this again after doing well for so long.

 

My wife and I have a work-related social engagement tonight, for New Year's Eve, that neither of us wants to attend but which we can't really get out of. I want to just come home from work and get into bed instead.

[Zang909]

Well, my throat still feels constricted, so I'm still in the midst of some physical symptoms of anxiety, but it seems to perhaps be easing up a little bit.

Reading this thread about the Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery has been helping me this morning. I think I have to conclude that the major system strain of flu-induced physical exhaustion (I lost five pounds in one week) knocked me into some major dysequilibrium. Hopefully I'm on the mend now.

[Altostrata]

Zang, could the event tonight be causing you anxiety? Is it something you really do not want to attend?

[Rhiannon]

Zang, it's not at all unusual for a bout of the flu (or an infection, or any other unusual stressors) to cause a bad wave. Happens to folks all the time. You're still in the withdrawal recovery period. Given that you've had some waves in the past and you've managed to ride them out, I'm confident you're going to be fine. It's not easy, but you can do it.

[Zang909]

Zang, could the event tonight be causing you anxiety? Is it something you really do not want to attend?

 

I think the event was contributing to some anxiety. I wanted nothing more than to stay home and have a relaxing entry into a new year. But it was an event organized by my wife's boss and we kind of had to attend. It ended up going very well; I'm sure no one there knew that I was going through anything.

But it meant that we stayed up far too late and I feel as though I'm paying the price today. I was actually starting to experience a decrease in level of anxiety yesterday, but I awoke this morning with my heart pounding in my chest.

I feel a desire to just stay in bed and rest today, but I'm pretty sure that staying in bed will result in keeping me feeling bad today. Paradox.

So I'll try to keep relatively active today but get some good sleep tonight and have a restful weekend in an attempt to restore the equilibrium which was upset by that terrible bout of the flu.

[Zang909]

Zang, it's not at all unusual for a bout of the flu (or an infection, or any other unusual stressors) to cause a bad wave. Happens to folks all the time. You're still in the withdrawal recovery period. Given that you've had some waves in the past and you've managed to ride them out, I'm confident you're going to be fine. It's not easy, but you can do it.

 

Thanks, Rhi.

I have been blessed with a window-filled bunch of time, so this wave just caught me completely unawares. I should have anticipated it, but I was so invested in believing that I had triumphed over this dragon of withdrawal that I set myself up to be devastated by the wave.

 

Thank you again to everyone who posts on this board; it's an incredible resource. I find myself reflecting back on the bad old days before the internet, when I was forced to accept anything my doctors said as the absolute and ultimate truth. Those of us involved in this struggle had no resources, no way to compare experiences and share information. We had no roadmap and had to be satisfied with our arrogant doctors patting us on the heads and telling us that there was no such thing as withdrawal.

[Zang909]

I'm seven months antidepressant-free and have been doing very well. About three weeks ago, however, I got a terrible bout of the flu and it left me physically and emotionally exhausted. I've finally recovered, but since then I've been plagued with one particularly troubling symptom.
Every night I get such a strong heartbeat - a pounding heartbeat - that it feels like my entire body is pulsing with each heartbeat. It won't let me fall asleep and when I finally do fall asleep it wakes me up through the night.
At first I just thought it was "at night" that my heart was pounding, but now I'm starting to think that my heart pounding might have to do with the position of my body - it seems to pound when I lay down and ease up when I sit up in bed. I also seem to feel warmer, to the point of sweating. I normally sleep in sweatpants and a sweatshirt in the winter but now I'm sweating. But I feel too cold when I take off my sweatshirt.
I want to emphasize that this symptom is pretty much completely new to me; it seemed to begin while I was deathly ill and bedridden with the flu.
I've been attributing this to sleep problems brought on by a state of disequilibrium associated with the stress and exhaustion of the flu, but I seem to be completely over the flu and this symptom remains.
As I type this it's 12:40 AM. I went to bed around 10:00 PM and was awakened by my pounding heart around 12:30 AM. I sat up to type this and the pounding of my heart seems to have let up.
Even if this is related to the position of my body, it's a symptom that I have never had before. I don't want to bring it up to a doctor and have them jump the gun to a diagnosis of POTS or something and start prescribing medication for me.
Does anyone else here have experience with some kind of body position-related heart pounding brought on by withdrawal or something similar?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Zang,

 

Yes, something similar happened to me. And here is what I think may be happening to you.

 

Your system is still trying to recover and come to a level of homeostasis after being on meds for so many years and a taper off lexapro which was really way too fast for that powerful drug. You recently got the flu. It seems as though the body, in recovering from ADs teeters on the brink of full out wd syndrome (with insomnia and everything else) for quite some time (I certainly did, if you read my thread with an eye toward looking for the subtle clues that I would start to slide into brutal wd syndrome starting at 1 yr off drugs I'll bet you'll see it). I kept thinking I was 'well' already but I was not. The flu or something else happens and the body 'overreacts' to whatever it is and you feel it as a sort of panic and increase in anxiety and a lot of other symptoms like you are now describing. Your body is scrambling to cope.

 

Your body can't seem to help it. Now it has to deal with 2 things: recovering from AD use (coming back to homeostasis and now recovering from the flu. I call it a sort of 'freak out' and you experience it as a lot of just plain weird symptoms that really don't relate to anything that just recently happened. You are right in thinking you probably might get 'overtreated' were you to take this complaint to a doctor. Or treated for the wrong thing and make it worse. Mine started as a feeling of pressure in my head, doc thought it was a sinus problem and suggested I take a rx antihistamine 3 times a day (I already had had a script for it from my psych). This was a very bad move as antihists are related to ADs and it flipped me into wd syndrome, I am convinced of this.

 

This is only MY experience. I rode out the ensuing months of a 'not very good time' and am now better. I shunned everything: OTC drugs, caffeine, strenuous exercise, housecleaning, anything that my body reacted to with alarm or stress. I am feeling well enough to write a recovery story but I am holding off because I see what is happening to me: I have slacked off on my daily walks, eating properly, drinking enough water, getting away from the computer, taking my magnesium (which made my heart thumping go away) and if I don't get with the program, I may start decompensating again.

 

Please get anything you are concerned about checked by a doc but be careful if he wants to prescribe drugs, some of them can make wd worse. And if you decide to read my thread, skip the beginning (I can't read it myself and I wrote it) and maybe start in summer of 2013. You might pick up clues that I was going downhill that I could not see.

 

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Edited January 6, 2015 by cymbaltawithdrawal5600
remove duplicated info after post got moved

[Zang909]

Thank you, Cymbaltawithdrawal5600. What you say makes perfect sense.

I'm going to continue to take this as a symptom of disequilibrium and just attempt to ride it out until my system normalizes. I continue to focus on getting enough sleep and watching what I eat to keep my engine humming properly during this time.

[Rhiannon]

It's possible there's something medically wrong, but given that the flu was just three weeks ago, if it were me, I would hold off for another month or so and see if it changes or gets better on its own, before going to a doctor. 

 

Then again, I now avoid doctors as much as possible, so there's that.

[Zang909]

I agree, Rhi. I feel that speaking to a doctor will be interpreted as requesting intervention/medication. And if they recommend a treatment that I decline, I'm concerned I'll be labeled a noncompliant patient or some similar thing.

I'm assuming that the pounding heart that I'm experiencing while laying down has to do with withdrawal and disequilibrium. I assume that it will go away as my body and its systems return to a state of equilibrium in which I resided prior to my coming down with the flu. I've also ordered some Magnesium Citrate, which could help with this symptom.

If the pounding heart does not go away, worsens, or starts to be accompanied by further troubling symptoms, I'll consider seeking a doctor's opinion.

[Zang909]

I've ordered some magnesium (Jigsaw Health Magnesium with SRT), and I took 125mg after dinner last night. I had some trouble falling asleep, but did end up sleeping. I actually lay in bed for a little while with no heart pounding, but the pounding did return after a bit.

Not sure whether I slept because of the magnesium or just because I'm so sleep-deprived at this point.

I took another 125mg this morning. I'm going to remain at a dosage of just 125mg per day for a little while and see how that goes. If I don't see any changes, I'll try taking 125mg twice a day, morning and night, and see how that goes.