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MisterSaunders

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i thought i would post two more medication related poems.   the first poem is based on the famous line in the movie, Forrest Gump, and is about having to live most of my adult life on heavy doses of psychiatric meds. 

 

The Sayings of Poorest Chump      (like Forrest Gump)

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Life is like a jug of rotten leche       (leche- spanish for 'milk')

It leaves a bad taste in your mouth

And makes you wanna retche.       (retche- ie to retch, to throw up)

 

this next poem is based on the wd related constipation/gastropersis/slow transit that many of us suffer from.

 

 

On Being Constipated

------------------------------------

Sometimes you just have to tear off some toilet paper

and wave the white flag of surrender

and say, “This is a bowel movement that I cannot render.”    ("render"-  to give or to submit something)  

Court committed to take Prozac, Paxci, and Respiradol from 8/95 to 3/96.   developed severe akithisia and brain damage.  Was unable to speak and walking in circles 15 hours a day.  Went in for 5 sessions of ECT during a 10 day period in March of '96 and my forced medication was discontinued at that time.  My akithisia and brain damage cleared up within a few days of stopping the meds.

 

On Zoloft (200 mg) and Zyprexa (17.5 mg) March 1998- Feb 2014

In between was placed on Effexor 200 mg and Abilify for six months in 2004.  Developed mild akithisia which went away once I stopped the Abilify.  Developed severe GI issues in Dec 2001 and from that time on suffered from fatigue and hypersomnia where I would sleep between 12 and 20 hours a day and rarely ever left my apartment. 

 

Had tapered to 100 mg of Zoloft and 7.5 mg of Zyprexa at the time of going cold turkey Feb. 2014

Went 5 days without sleep at the beginning while vomiting all over my apt.  Had brain zaps for a number of weeks and also lightheadedness which both eventually went away.  However 2 1/2 yrs later I still struggle with insomnia, depression, and fatigue.

 

 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey guys, really liked some of the poetry on this thread. I wrote a fair amount in withdrawal (started what I thought would be my second book). This recent wave/episode has left me unable to write however, so I thought I'd throw this one out there that I wrote a while ago and posted on my Instagram. It may as well be shared. I wrote it after a particularly horrendous afternoon where I had to go out to a fairground with my family, yet despite the surreal awfulness I felt, I managed to get through it:

 

The Gap

Two days ago I woke up crying

as if the tears couldn’t wait for consciousness

so they leaked into my dreams.

The Great Doubt that powers this incarnation

comes under the microscope

A light shining on its mirrored edges, hard to catch, hard to see

Slipping away

Then reappearing the moment your back is turned

pulling you into the fold and spitting you out

A torture dance that wears my bones down like sandpaper

and makes me laugh at the sky.

It’s vulnerability, it’s pain, it’s the clash of Kings and Queens

It’s wide open and jammed shut

It’s me and beyond any stretch of me.

Yesterday I fell through its cracks screaming

only to land on another layer of moving steel

Spinning like the Waltzers, metal beams that toss

and yank and throw you up again.

A fairground’s sleep is not the sleep of rest

Steel does not tire, but it can break.

And so the dance continues.

Maybe I brought earth to the fair to ground my soul

and maybe the earth breathed the fire that fueled it

Maybe, that day, the sky gave water to cool the flames

and air moved me through the Fun House with a gentle hand.

Finding strange comfort in the chaos

Absurd relief between the cracks

And an impossible stillness within the storm.

 

 

 

2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Some great stuff here. 

 

These are lyrics. Not related to drugs or withdrawal but...i like 'em.

 

Survey the breaking dawn

Crack an eye and fire flows

Men and their monuments fall into the maw

The once yielding womb of the earth

Now the mouth of cronus

These generations of men

Are ripe for harvest

 

From a different song:

 

The witch prepares

A splendid garden there

Gold ash now

Pushed underground

A gore-hurling geyser

It feeds the furrows where

Soldiers rise and warriors die

 

A coronation

A face to replace the sun

Coal black now

And shining down

 

We're a metal band, so the lyrics have to be darkish i guess.

September 2014 to July 2015 - 20 mg Lexapro, 30mg Mirtazipine

 

August 2015 to November 2016- 10mg Lexapro, 30 mg Mirtazipine

 

Nov. 2016 to Nov. 2017 - 10mg Lexapro, 3.75 mg Mirtazipine

 

Nov. 2017 to Mach 2018 - 5mg/2.5mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne

 

Mach 2018 to Dec. 2018 - 0mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne

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9 hours ago, MRothbard said:

Some great stuff here. 

 

These are lyrics. Not related to drugs or withdrawal but...i like 'em.

 

Survey the breaking dawn

Crack an eye and fire flows

Men and their monuments fall into the maw

The once yielding womb of the earth

Now the mouth of cronus

These generations of men

Are ripe for harvest

 

From a different song:

 

The witch prepares

A splendid garden there

Gold ash now

Pushed underground

A gore-hurling geyser

It feeds the furrows where

Soldiers rise and warriors die

 

A coronation

A face to replace the sun

Coal black now

And shining down

 

We're a metal band, so the lyrics have to be darkish i guess.

 

These are great! 

2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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Thanks abby.

September 2014 to July 2015 - 20 mg Lexapro, 30mg Mirtazipine

 

August 2015 to November 2016- 10mg Lexapro, 30 mg Mirtazipine

 

Nov. 2016 to Nov. 2017 - 10mg Lexapro, 3.75 mg Mirtazipine

 

Nov. 2017 to Mach 2018 - 5mg/2.5mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne

 

Mach 2018 to Dec. 2018 - 0mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne

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  • 3 years later...
On 6/29/2014 at 5:20 PM, MisterSaunders said:

I thought I'd try and have a little fun while I deal with tapering off these hellish pills. Enjoy!

 

 

 

"Doctor" I whined, "Help me, I'm so lost!'

"Worry not patient, take this, it's called Zoloft!"

 

"But what does it do?" I asked, holding the pill,

The doctor laughed first, and then fell perfectly still.

"Young man" he said softly, "Whatever the issue,

Take one of these, and I bet it will fix you."

 

I looked at him sceptically, I still wasn't sure

This magic pill, I'd heard of before!

A wonderful cure-all, a magic elixir,

Citalopram was one, another effexor.

 

I wanted to know that this was legit,

Others before this one were impossible to quit!

So I breathed in deep, and sat up straight:

"Take one yourself, if this thing is so great!"

 

"I don't need one" he said, "I am healthy and well!"

"If I took one now, it would put me through hell!"

I looked at him closely, to see if he'd break,

The tension was growing, and I saw his lip shake...

 

"Alright!" He screamed, "This pill isn't fine!"

"They paid me to say it! GlaxosmithKline!"

I pressed him for details, I wanted the facts

"If I took this pill, how would I react?"

 

"Okay", he said. "I'll tell you the details,

but remember the price at which this retails!

It cost's nothing to make, but increases wealth

of those who make it, but it's bad for your health!"

 

"We don't know for certain how these pills work,

but the side effects alone will drive you beserk!

You may crave carbohydrates as if they were air,

and 6 months from now you won't fit in your chair.

 

You came to me feeling melancholic,

Come back in 6 months as an alcoholic.

Prepare for insomnia, and get ready for dizzy

You'll need time off work! I hope you're not busy!"

 

I felt let down, upset and betrayed.

He looked sad too, he was obviously dismayed.

 

In fact I saw tears, and I knew he wasn't faking them:

"And this is before you try to stop taking them"

 

@MisterSaunders

Thank you, thank you for this gem! Made me smile from head to toe <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@PoetJester

Thank you so much for your posts here sharing your story and poems. Much appreciated <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 1 year later...

Thought I’d share a short hopeful poem I wrote

 

Look at you,

Growing and blossoming despite the ferocious wind,

When you've been pulled up by the roots

Time and

Time and

Time again,

Wondering if you'll ever get to flourish in peace

To the warmth of a healing sun,

Please hear me, sweet wildflower,

When I promise you this,

It's not a matter of if,

But when.

Fluoxetine 2008. Duloxetine 2009. Pregabalin Nov 2009-June 2010. Chlorpromazine Nov 2009-June 2010. Zolpidem Nov 2009-June 2010. Lorazepam(PRN)1mg Nov 2009-Oct 2012. Quetiapine 150mg Aug-Sept 2010 +75mg May 2012. Zolpiclone 7.5mg 2011-2014. Olanzapine 2010-2011. Citalopram 2012. Trazodone 2012-2016. Lamotrigine 2016-2017. Venlafaxine 150mg 2017. Aripiprozole 25mg Sept 2017-Nov 2017 + 5mg Jan 2018 - Oct 2020 (tapered 0.5mg weekly Oct 2020). Zolpiclone 7.5mg(PRN)2017-Aug 2020. Propranolol 80mg May 2019- August 2020 (tapered 10 days 40 then 7 days 20mg then stop). Buspirone 15mg August 2019-August 2020 (tapered 10 days 10mg then 7 days 5mg then stop). Amitriptyline 10mg 2 week prescription for chronic headache - stopped after two weeks due to severe suicidal ideation Lithium(Priadel) 800mg Dec 2017-July 2021 (tapered 200mg each month). Mirtazapine 45mg Nov 2009-April 2022 (tapered 3 weeks-30mg then 15mg then 15mg every other day 10 days then stop 18th April 2022). Diazepam 5mg(PRN)2011- CT May 2022. No psychiatric medication since. I was tolerating Codeine 15mg 4-6 times a month but no longer tolerating since stopping cannabis. Was smoking 0.80g of cannabis daily/24 hour for many years which I tapered over 6 months and stopped 1st Dec 2023. Paracetamol as needed but seldom works. Peptac as needed

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  • 6 months later...

"The Lands Within" - By AblazingTulip

TheLandsWithin-Final(Tulip2023)_Wh_Small

(The background is one of my sunset photos, from my balcony. The poem written, in 2023.)

(Signature last updated 20 Feb 2024.)

1996–2016 “Everything else”, including Fluoxetine, Enalapril 10mg.
2009 Paused meds for 2 months.
2016 Venlafaxine 150mg, Lithium 400mg, Bupropion (?mg), Olanzapine 5mg, Enalapril 10mg.
2019 Venlafaxine 150mg, Lithium 1,000mg, Bupropion (?mg), Olanzapine 5mg, Enalapril 10mg. Quetiapine 200mg (sporadic).
2023 Venlafaxine 6 week taper at 75mg from Jun 1. Untapered: Bupropion (?mg), Olanzapine 5mg, Enalapril 10mg. Quetiapine 200mg (sporadic).
2023 Enalapril 10mg from Jul 13. Quetiapine 200mg (sporadic).
2023 Benzodiazepine 30mg from Nov 20 to Dec 31 (5 sporadic doses). Enalapril 10mg. Quetiapine 200mg (sporadic).
2024 Benzodiazepine 30mg from Jan 1 to Feb 9 (5 sporadic doses). Enalapril 10mg. Quetiapine 200mg (sporadic).
2024 0.00mg AD. (9 Feb 2024)
Non-AD Meds: Enalapril 10mg (Ongoing, for blood pressure), Quetiapine 200mg (Stopped Feb 10).

Supplements detailed snapshot can be found here (as at 14 Feb 2024)

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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