btdt Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I can't take this anymore, my emotions are out of control, im tired of not sleeping, crying everyday, over reacting to everything. Maybe I am bi-polar, I cant function normally or care for my 3 kids. My husband expects me to just do it all, he wants me to leave and he will raiee the kids. Im tired of taking out my frustration on my family. Im so exhausted, I want to sleep or just take a nap and I can't. We are going to lose everything because im behaving so crazy. 2 years of this!! I feel like im a bi-polar, adhd, schizophrenic, hormonal mess with every anxiety disorder rolled into one. I have no family to help me with my kids, my husband resents me, my kids are out of control, my whole life is falling apart. I just cant see this all being withdrawal, it doesn't explain the hormonal imbalances, my hair thining, my nails peeling, the erratic menstrual cycles, acne all over my body. I dont know what to think anymore, my mind races all the time, I cant sit still, 2 years of this!!!! My parents took my 2 older boys to Connecticut yesterday to visit for a week and I felt nothing when they were leaving. What kind of mother am I,I dont even miss them, when I told them I loved them,I didnt feel it. I feel nothing except for fear,anxiety, sadness, anger, exhaustion and frustration, thats not normal. Im tried of being like this. Just so you know... I had 6 hormone tests in 6 months and all tests were different except 2... which were the same ... had to be the only other option was for me to be male. These drugs can affect our hormones. So yes I had every one of these " hormonal imbalances, my hair thining, my nails peeling, the erratic menstrual cycles, acne all over my body." and felt quite crazy a lot of the time. And this "I feel nothing except for fear,anxiety, sadness, anger, exhaustion and frustration, thats not normal." is all normal for us who are going thru this abnormal experience. I am almost sorry to tell you this as if there were a disease they could maybe fix it with a pill right but there is no disease this for me was withdrawal. I am sure I am not the only one. If you were to google antidepressant withdrawal and any of these symptoms I am sure you would get hits. I hope you get a window soon and I also hope your family stays together some how... I can't say what is right for you but I do know this is withdrawal and I do think Mamma knows a thing or two in the experience department. I hope this day was better for you. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Just checking in, still struggling. This insomnia with horrible night sweats, I walk around all day hot and flushed but cold at the same time constantly shaking, which gets worse at night,anxiety through the roof, so restless.And crying most of the day. I went down to PENN yesterday to see a reproductive undo, apparently based on labs I've had done in the past 2 years I'm in premature ovarian failure, my thyroid and adrenals levels are all over the place. Doctor wants to start from scratch and get new labs and check some other things, she suspects that I've had Hashimoto's thyroiditis for years and it hasn't been picked up. I don't know what to do or think anymore,my husband barely looks or talks to me anymore, we're at each other's throats constantly he said yesterday he could care less if I killed myself, to go ahead and hang myself in our garage. I can't endure this any longer, it's ripping my family apart. This is crippling me. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Oh Skylarblue, I'm horrified by those terrible things your husband said to you. I can't imagine what you must be going through. This is terrible. None of this is your fault. It's good that some progress is being made with the tests. I hope they will be able to help you. Hugs. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I'm so sorry. Your husband does not mean those words...however awful. Wish you were in the uk...could give more support than what I can give on here. Hugs to you. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Muddles if I could pick up and move to the UK I would, I just want to pack up the kids and leave him. No where to go except to my parents in Conneticuit and he already said if I try to leave with the kids he will call the police and tell them I'm mental ill and have kid napped them and have me commited and take the kids away from me. My parents don't want to get involved in fear he will sue them. So I am stuck in a horrible marriage with no family support. Our marriage has had it's problems long before this, but everything that I've been going through in the past 2 years has put everything in overdrive. The stress is not helping me and he just keeps piling it on me. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Hi WinningThrough, thank you for your support. I hope your doing well. We shall see about the tests, my recent MRI was normal. Not like I can treat any of my problems because I can't tolerate any medications. This feels like a no win situation, I being told that I'm probably going to need multiple hormonal therapies, what am I going to do. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 It's a really awful time for you at the moment and I really feel for you. Do you have friends or any family nearby? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Muddles, no family support and my friends except for a few from my bible study have had enough for my so called "crap" So I'm basically on my own. AHHHHH, i just want to scream and throw something but i can't because i dont want to scare my baby and when I get worked up it makes everything worse. I miss my kickboxing classes, that was the best stress release, I felt so centered when i went and great afterwards, but it's very disciplined and it's not about knocking the crap out of someone. I wish I wasn't such a mess because I would start it up again. So I will just stick to gentle walking and breathing i guess. Muddles you are so kind, I can't imagine what your going through,but you go out of your way to be supportive to other's. Hugs and prayers Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Bless you. I use to do body combat 3 times a week...loved it. I'm gutted I can't do that anymore. Maybe get a punch bag for in the house? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Still can't sleep, im so exhausted. This inner restlessness is so uncomfortable, I want to sit down, nap,just relax and I can't. Im so tired and dizzy, but all I do is pace and cry because im so uncomfortable. This feels likes is never going away. Has anyone heard of this lasting years like what I've been going through, or is this an anxiety disorder, I want peace Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I think your system is in shock because of all the meds and you've not been long off them. I am so sorry. I think you're really brave. I wish you could have the love and kindness that you need and deserve. I sometimes speak to a lady in the uk who runs a support line for people in withdrawal. She says there are people all over the country in this state and it's a very real thing. People are suffering the same symptoms. She said people do get better, it just takes a ridiculously long time. I think it's impossible not to have some anxiety in this situation. I do too. But your body has been through the mill on the meds. I wish I could take it all away for you. One day you will get a window then more windows. Hugs. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Hugs to you. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Thanks winning through and muddles, can't stop crying, feel so uncomfortable, this is to much to handle. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hi Skylar, I'm new here, but not new to the symptoms of brains being changed and damaged by psych meds. I really feel for you and I believe you 100% that you weren't like this before Celexa and its discontinuation. It's almost impossible for the never-medicated to grasp how disabling and damaging the drugs are for some of us. I was engaged to be married before my psych med-induced mania made me intolerable to my fiance. Being nearly always alone in this condition is very, very hard. It's also hard for others to tolerate us and for us to tolerate them. I hope you keep trying, one day at a time, even if it's only waiting, hoping, or praying for better health. That's what I'm doing at the moment. I also have an appointment to see a doctor who believes people like us. I don't know what he has to offer, but I figured having an actual doctor believe me would help let some of my anger recede. I've struck out with the ones who still believe ssri and snri drugs are a cure-all. I make them angry by finding fault with their potions, and they make me angry by consistently denying that meds cause long-term problems. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
mlrp Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Not having a good day today, so I am only up to "drive by" hugs, but here is one for you, Skylar <<hug>> I wish you strength to endure the very challenging situation at home. 04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis) Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed) 05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks. 05/10/14: Joined this site. 05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day) 05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day) 06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups 07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution 05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hi Westcoast, welcome to the forum. Thank you for your support. Good luck with your appointment, I have yet to find any doctor that I've encountered believe in withdrawal syndrome from any mind altering drugs, they just want to push more drugs or push ECT or say my childhood and stress or even better yet that I'm causing all my suffering, that this is all in my head. I try to keep hope and faith that I will soon turn a corner, but it's been wearing very thin. I wish you the best as we all keep fighting this horrible mess. Hugs & prayers Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hey mlrp, been wondering how you've been doing. Hugs right back at you. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 I HATE mornings! !!!, -its the same process for me everyday, fear,anxiety, restlessness, exhaustion with crying my eyes out pleading for God to stop the madness inside my body and brain. Then I sob to my husband and take my frustration out on him, he wont even look at me, he doesn't say anything just walks away. Maybe I should just knock on the door of the looney bin and demand ECT, im so desperate, after 2 years of this im just spent. My husband doesnt care, he just wants out of the marriage and for me to go away even if that means taking my own life. Maybe he should go on drugs,try stopping and see what hell on earth is like. And he was one of the reasons I started celexa back in 2001 because he couldn't stand my fatigue and irritability. Typical, it always has been me who has the problem and has to change, and with him that hasn't changed. He won't go to therapy to address his anger, road rage,procrastination, his erratic mood swings or work on our marriage issue's or deal with our kids behavior problems, nope, its all my problem. Im sinking. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 This inner agitation is horrible with the anxiety. I feel like I want to hurt myself or someone, but I wont act on it. Im so scared I feel this way. My boys came home and I cant tolerate them at all, they make me feel even more agitated. Feeling like I have to constantly move. The anxiety is so bad I can barely eat and im throwing up. I cant bare this, Im losing my mind. I just want to run away from myself and my family. Does this sounds like bipolar???? Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 It's not bi-polar....sounds nothing like bi-polar. It's the drugs that's done this to you. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to suggest. Know that I think of you often....xx 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Muddles I'm so glad to hear from you. Ive been thinking of you often. Im so tired of questioning my mental health every day all day. I so hope your having a better day today, I know its been really hard for you as well Hugs Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted August 27, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm often thinking about you too. I admire your strength in face of unbearable symptoms going on for so very long. And then there is that complicated family situation without support, just demands that even a very robust CNS would have difficulties to cope with. When I feel awful it helps me in a way to get a perspective of sorts on things. Something like: all those awful drugs are now out of my system. That's why I feel so bad. It will take time to get better but I will. It helps me to read explanations of what is happening with my brain so that I know that it is actually healing although it doesn't look like that. I was thinking about you when you said that you would like to go somewhere away from your family to be on your own. I can totally understand that. I was thinking of my very bad period while I was waiting for the reinstatement to start working. I would lie in my bed, in my empty flat unable to do anything and so happy that there were no people around and that I could be on my own. I absolutely couldn't imagine how I would cope with anyone let alone 3 small kids. Now I'm in a wave and my brother just dropped a lid while doing the dishes and I started screaming. So you are heroic to put up with all this. Is it in any way possible for you to take a break from your family obligations? Take a "sick leav " of sorts and really go somewhere for a week or two as you felt like doing? Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Bubble, it feels like just one big constant wave all the time. Im so exhausted im constantly irritated by everything, cant sit still. Im constantly snapping and yelling. Constantly feel im in panic mode, my mind wont stop racing. This is why im starting to think im bi-polar, but this has been going on for 2 years, I just want it to stop. I tired of crying all the time because I'm so uncomfortable all the time. I can't just get away for a while, and if I did I might not come back. The anxiety and nausea is do bad I can barely eat and im throwing up few times a day. If this doesn't stop soon my husband is going to have me committed. Nothing I do helps to calm me down, im a prisoner in a body that doesn't feel like myself. I hope this is making sense and doesn't sound strange. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Dear SkylarBlue,I hear you loud and clear. I have been through spells like that and I know it is fully intolerable. It is of course because of the drugs, unless you (or anyone) can remember feeling like this in pre-meds life.I'm in a modest window now, though I can't say why. I'm just not getting the gripping head thing when I wake up.But I have had periods of agitation and the horrible, horrible mornings. What you describe sounds exactly like akathisia, and is often mistaken by doctors for bipolar mania. I've had post-Effexor mania and it's different from akathisia, which I've also had. In mania I was cheerful and optimistic and active and creative (I hate to say, other than ruining my finances during such times, it was better than depression or akathisia.)A doctor might more correctly say you have "agitated depression" or somesuch, which is closer to correct than bipolar mania.Can you search the net for doctors who consult on discontinuation syndrome, and try to find one within reach? (Is NYC within reach?) I don't know that there are drugs that help with this, but being HEARD can be reassuring. The fact that your husband wholly ignores you is just cruel.OMG I have the TV on and Fox is doing a piece on Chantix, which almost made me kill myself. Some smug expert is saying a guy who did a crime on it can't blame the drug, and saying there's no connection between Chantix and murder. BULL-CRUD! I had one wise doctor take a box of Chantix out of my hand and toss it in the trash, after a dumb one had prescribed it to me. He said "people kill their families on this."So there are people who cannot comprehend the behavioural, mood, belief changes that pills can cause, even though they would readily admit that a drug like LSD can do that. They just don't believe the good folks at the FDA (ha ha) would release drugs that can ruin lives.Oh, and there's the quote on the TV screen from the Pfizer rep saying Chantix is benign. It most assuredly isn't. The urge I got to kill myself was powerful, and devastating, and came out of the blue sky.Sorry for that live-blogging interlude...just saying this stuff is real, and the media get it wrong because they're fed lies by the drug makers. I wish people like us could hang out together because I think we are the only ones who really get it. I'm out in Calif but I am with you in spirit.Check in here as often as you need to and I will try to reply.One thing that seems to have helped me emotionally is that the other day I finally sat down with my laptop and typed out my entire saga, warts and all. It was two days ago. I sent it to a friend and let her read it (yes i have a friend, from high school, who has always had agoraphobia and hence understands things beyond our control.) It ended up at 16 single-spaced pages and it might get longer as I think of more stuff that happened. She was devastated to see what had befallen her old buddy, and sent a prayer request to her church for me. It might be the case that you should be in hospital for a while, but it has to be a place that believes there's such thing as discontinuation syndromes. Being constantly told you're bipolar and then derided for "not taking your meds" is insulting and wrong. If you haven't read Medication Madness, please do. I just downloaded it for Kindle and skipped ahead to the stories of individuals' experiences on the various meds. It's comforting and validating to see that it's not just you. The drugs reliably produce what you're going through.You've been brave and strong under the worst circumstances, just by staying alive. You might feel weak, but you are struggling with a mighty foe, and the fact that you're on this site looking for help is evidence that it hasn't crushed you. You look strong to me. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
pokiok Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 It sounds as though you aren't getting the familial support you so desperately need during this difficult time. I know that it can be hard for people to understand when they haven't been through something but you really should be finding someone to talk with. This place is fabulous, no doubt, but it might behoove you to find someone local, a support group of sorts, where maybe you could find some camaraderie. In the meantime, it sounds like you are starting to get some light shed on things, which is very good to hear! Big hugs and please keep us posted!! 1995-Zoloft 100mg 1996-Off Zoloft C/T 2000-Zoloft 100mg 2002-Off Zoloft after 50mg decrease then C/T 2006-Zoloft 50mg 2009- Off of everything except occasional Xanax as needed for anxiety Fall 2009-Pregnant with extreme morning sickness, doc prescribed Zoloft again 50mg Summer 2010-Zoloft and Klonopin for anxiety Fall 2011-Quite Zoloft C/T had severe withdrawal, ended up on Lexapro Fall 2011- Lexapro 20mg and Klonopin .5mg May 2014-After weaning myself down to 5mg of Lexapro,I quit. I was fine for the first month August 4th-started back on 5mg of Lexapro, hoping to do a proper taper this time. Also on .5mg of Klonopin and .25mg of Xanax as needed. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted August 29, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 29, 2014 I've just been catching up and really feel for you Skylarblue. I don't think you are suffering with bi-polar at all, you are in an intolerable situation with withdrawal and an abusive marriage. Withdrawal will get better but sadly it emphasises all the negative things stress makes it 100 times worse. I have been in an extremely abusive relationship and I think that if you can do it, you should not try and explain anything to your husband. Try not to cry in front of him because he is using it against you. I'm glad you have your bible study friends and hope you find some relief talking to and praying with them. I feel for you so much and wish I could make it better for you. Mamma hugs. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
missindy Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I've read your whole intro thread from start to finish. My dear, you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I have no great words of wisdom but you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that every day, you can slowly feel better. I have used Jin Shin Jyutsu for 7 years, on my own as well as seeing a practitioner. I find that it helps a lot- without using any type of drugs. http://www.flowsforlife.com is a great site. The main central flow puts me to sleep every night and I use it whenever I'm feeling stressed (so I use it every day). http://jsj-holds.blogspot.com/2007/11/exercise-main-central-source-of-life.html I'm praying for you and your family. Be Well, Indy Paxil- 1999 to 2003 discontinued Citalopram- 2007 to August 19th 2014 20 mgs August 19th 2014 10 mgs Link to comment
chicken Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Skylar, Just letting you know that we had prayer for you today in church. I really hope things get better for you. Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey. 2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia. Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg. In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable. 9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg 12/29/14 - 20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15, 7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg (Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only - OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016 March 2017 DRUG FREE Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hi everyone checking in, yesterday I didnt cry but the dp/dr was worse and I just felt more low. Today on the other hand has been bad, still battling horrific insomnia, jolted awake at 5 am in sheer panic and terror, drenched in sweat freaking out crying hysterically, been crying on and off all day. Breathing doesn't work, guided imagery doesn't work redirection doesn't work. I got a call from my reproductive endo today from PENN, I have to go back and sit down to discuss my lab work and treatment plan, so something is going on but she wouldn't discuss it over the phone. Im really afraid to take any medication, given my history. Thank you Chicken for your prayers, to missindy,mamnaP,Westcoast and pokiok thank you so much for your words of support it means the world to me. Hugs and prayers to all Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
pokiok Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 The good news is that it's potentially something fixable, which will give you a bit of relief to know that this doesn't have to be your new reality. This is just a step in time, a painfully awful step but I have faith that once you get to the bottom of everything, one day you'll be able to look back and realise that. Keep us in the know please... 1995-Zoloft 100mg 1996-Off Zoloft C/T 2000-Zoloft 100mg 2002-Off Zoloft after 50mg decrease then C/T 2006-Zoloft 50mg 2009- Off of everything except occasional Xanax as needed for anxiety Fall 2009-Pregnant with extreme morning sickness, doc prescribed Zoloft again 50mg Summer 2010-Zoloft and Klonopin for anxiety Fall 2011-Quite Zoloft C/T had severe withdrawal, ended up on Lexapro Fall 2011- Lexapro 20mg and Klonopin .5mg May 2014-After weaning myself down to 5mg of Lexapro,I quit. I was fine for the first month August 4th-started back on 5mg of Lexapro, hoping to do a proper taper this time. Also on .5mg of Klonopin and .25mg of Xanax as needed. Link to comment
NewMe Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Alto, Thank you for your replies. I have been doing everything suggested to tackle my sleep issues, blackout curtains, sleep mask, white nosie, set sleep time, no TV or electronics 1 hour before bed. I have everything in my bedroom that could possibly shine any small amount of light is either unpluged or covered at night, cool comfortable environment, right now since its summer we have the central air on and a window unit in the bed room set at 68 and i'm still experiencing horrible night sweats with the constant internal body tremors. Been practicing sleep hygene pretty much since this nightmare started. It stinks because the slightest little noise wakes me up and either I can't fall back asleep or it takes me a while. Can't tolerate ear plugs due to the horrible tinnitus. It's funny I slept great during the pregnancy, could even catch a nap if needed. Boy do i miss my sleep, I'm the type of person who needs aleast 8-10 hours and with that I was always tired, since I was a kid I've been like that. I could pretty much fall asleep anytime/anywhere before all of this. I'm only 38, I'm wondering if I'm starting with early peri-menopause on top of this or did the withdrawal bring it about sooner? Just some food for thought. Thanks for the info about the blue light, very informative. Also I've always been watchful of my diet, but my new family doctor who's a D.O. suggested Paleo diet for me last week so I started right away, I figure there's nothing to lose. Heck if he told me to go stand on my head for 24 hours I might have considered doing it. I was about to ask where you are hormonally in perimenopause. Check out the menopause chit chat forum for additional support. I started the peri change around 35-36 Can you get a thyroid panel done? It is not too early to start peri. And for many, it compounds the AD wd. I'M A WEANER! atavan PRN ,Paxil approx 20 yrs ago for major depression Switched to Klonopin PRN through to current Paxil wore out Changed to Effexor Depakote added enormous weight gain - flat affect - led to depression - dropped depakote Dropped Effexor, changed to Paxil PDoc added mixed salts amphetamines for ADHD - took for 2 yrs - was ok at first but had to cut as symptoms too intense - then the crash was too much. STOPPED Vyvanse started in 2013 (APRIL) - more smooth than IR amphetamine tabs---Have not used vyvanse daily in full amt since May 2013 Paxil CT withdrawal 10/2012 Klonopin CT WD Switched Klonopin to Xanax prn - too strong WD CT from XANAX after taking for a while - it was awful but can be done if you hold on! Back to Klonopin PRN - working very hard to avoid taking it at all. Effexor 37.5 started 02/2013, 75mg by 03/2013, 150mg by 05/2012 (approx) Effexor 150mg 3/10/2014 Microtaper -3beads 3/11/2014-4beads ,3/12/14 - 5, 3/13/14 -6, 3/15/14 - 7, 3/18 - 8, 3/22 - 10, 3/24 - 12, 4/6 - 13, 4/7 - 14, 4/11 - 16 - on 4/19 ran out of brand took generic. Bad move. Back on brand on 4/20 and updosed 2 beads. 5/1 - 15, 5/6 - 16, 5/9 -17, 55/10 -17, 5/15 -18, 5/21 -19, 5/24 -20, 6/3 - 21, 6/6 -23, 6/13 -24,6/19- 25, 6/21 -26, 6/25 -27 6/28 -28, 6/29 -30, 7/3 -34, 7/8 -35, 7/17 -36, 7/30 -41,7/31 -42, 8/2 -43, 8/3 -44, 8/5 -45, 8/14 -48, 8/26-50, 9/24 -53, 10/24 -55, 12/1 -57, (lost the tally sheet, thus taper info for some of it), 4/19-63, 4/26-64, 4/30-65 Switched to wt reduction - now @ -.068, 7/14 -.070, August 2015 -.074, between Sept & October 10 -.077, Nov. -.078(feeling great), -.090 as of 1/10/16, down to -.101 since January 2016 (it is now 6/24/16), -.105 as of 8/13/16 Ladies, please don't underestimate the possibility of perimenopause. The symptoms can be similar to, may intensify & in some cases mimic protracted w/d from ssri's & benzo's. Link to comment
NewMe Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 This inner agitation is horrible with the anxiety. I feel like I want to hurt myself or someone, but I wont act on it. Im so scared I feel this way. My boys came home and I cant tolerate them at all, they make me feel even more agitated. Feeling like I have to constantly move. The anxiety is so bad I can barely eat and im throwing up. I cant bare this, Im losing my mind. I just want to run away from myself and my family. Does this sounds like bipolar???? Skylar If your endo has no answers, Get to a specialist in PA for perimeno. Here is one: Anthony J. Bazzan, M.D. is a Menopause and Perimenopause Specialist Pennsylvania I'M A WEANER! atavan PRN ,Paxil approx 20 yrs ago for major depression Switched to Klonopin PRN through to current Paxil wore out Changed to Effexor Depakote added enormous weight gain - flat affect - led to depression - dropped depakote Dropped Effexor, changed to Paxil PDoc added mixed salts amphetamines for ADHD - took for 2 yrs - was ok at first but had to cut as symptoms too intense - then the crash was too much. STOPPED Vyvanse started in 2013 (APRIL) - more smooth than IR amphetamine tabs---Have not used vyvanse daily in full amt since May 2013 Paxil CT withdrawal 10/2012 Klonopin CT WD Switched Klonopin to Xanax prn - too strong WD CT from XANAX after taking for a while - it was awful but can be done if you hold on! Back to Klonopin PRN - working very hard to avoid taking it at all. Effexor 37.5 started 02/2013, 75mg by 03/2013, 150mg by 05/2012 (approx) Effexor 150mg 3/10/2014 Microtaper -3beads 3/11/2014-4beads ,3/12/14 - 5, 3/13/14 -6, 3/15/14 - 7, 3/18 - 8, 3/22 - 10, 3/24 - 12, 4/6 - 13, 4/7 - 14, 4/11 - 16 - on 4/19 ran out of brand took generic. Bad move. Back on brand on 4/20 and updosed 2 beads. 5/1 - 15, 5/6 - 16, 5/9 -17, 55/10 -17, 5/15 -18, 5/21 -19, 5/24 -20, 6/3 - 21, 6/6 -23, 6/13 -24,6/19- 25, 6/21 -26, 6/25 -27 6/28 -28, 6/29 -30, 7/3 -34, 7/8 -35, 7/17 -36, 7/30 -41,7/31 -42, 8/2 -43, 8/3 -44, 8/5 -45, 8/14 -48, 8/26-50, 9/24 -53, 10/24 -55, 12/1 -57, (lost the tally sheet, thus taper info for some of it), 4/19-63, 4/26-64, 4/30-65 Switched to wt reduction - now @ -.068, 7/14 -.070, August 2015 -.074, between Sept & October 10 -.077, Nov. -.078(feeling great), -.090 as of 1/10/16, down to -.101 since January 2016 (it is now 6/24/16), -.105 as of 8/13/16 Ladies, please don't underestimate the possibility of perimenopause. The symptoms can be similar to, may intensify & in some cases mimic protracted w/d from ssri's & benzo's. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted September 5, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 5, 2014 yesterday I didnt cry but the dp/dr was worse and I just felt more low. Today on the other hand has been bad, still battling horrific insomnia, jolted awake at 5 am in sheer panic and terror, drenched in sweat freaking out crying hysterically, been crying on and off all day. Breathing doesn't work, guided imagery doesn't work redirection doesn't work. I got a call from my reproductive endo today from PENN, I have to go back and sit down to discuss my lab work and treatment plan, so something is going on but she wouldn't discuss it over the phone. Im really afraid to take any medication, given my history. Hi Skylar, This is all classic withdrawal, I could have written this about myself, apart from the crying, I haven't been able to cry. I know what its like when nothing works to stop the awful feelings. I honestly can't imagine how you cope, taking care of young children and living with emotional abuse from your husband. Its unlikely that your endo or even a menopause specialist will know anything about psyche drug withdrawal. Doctors don't understand withdrawal syndrome. They often want to add or increase drugs, which can make it worse. I have also been going through menopause while dealing with withdrawal, the various HRT treatments I've been trying haven't helped, in fact they have often made my symptoms worse. I don't take any medications now and I'm slowly starting to recover. For a brief introduction to withdrawal please see: Intro to antidepressant withdrawal syndrome Also, please read through: Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems I know you are desperate for some relief, I was too, when in this state its easy to become confused and start to think these symptoms are being caused by other conditions and then become mislead by often well meaning professionals offering to help. you are in an intolerable situation with withdrawal and an abusive marriage. Withdrawal will get better but sadly it emphasises all the negative things stress makes it 100 times worse. It takes time and self care for the nervous system to heal. You can recover. I hope you can find a way to get some support and relief from your current stressful situation. Petu. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
pokiok Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Hi Skylar, Just checking in on you, haven't heard from you in a bit. Hope you're doing ok... xx 1995-Zoloft 100mg 1996-Off Zoloft C/T 2000-Zoloft 100mg 2002-Off Zoloft after 50mg decrease then C/T 2006-Zoloft 50mg 2009- Off of everything except occasional Xanax as needed for anxiety Fall 2009-Pregnant with extreme morning sickness, doc prescribed Zoloft again 50mg Summer 2010-Zoloft and Klonopin for anxiety Fall 2011-Quite Zoloft C/T had severe withdrawal, ended up on Lexapro Fall 2011- Lexapro 20mg and Klonopin .5mg May 2014-After weaning myself down to 5mg of Lexapro,I quit. I was fine for the first month August 4th-started back on 5mg of Lexapro, hoping to do a proper taper this time. Also on .5mg of Klonopin and .25mg of Xanax as needed. Link to comment
Muddles Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Hope you're ok. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
btdt Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 Hi everyone checking in, yesterday I didnt cry but the dp/dr was worse and I just felt more low. Today on the other hand has been bad, still battling horrific insomnia, jolted awake at 5 am in sheer panic and terror, drenched in sweat freaking out crying hysterically, been crying on and off all day. Breathing doesn't work, guided imagery doesn't work redirection doesn't work. I got a call from my reproductive endo today from PENN, I have to go back and sit down to discuss my lab work and treatment plan, so something is going on but she wouldn't discuss it over the phone. Im really afraid to take any medication, given my history. Thank you Chicken for your prayers, to missindy,mamnaP,Westcoast and pokiok thank you so much for your words of support it means the world to me. Hugs and prayers to all Have you had the apt yet? How are you doing now? wishing you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
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