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celexahell

celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

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Altostrata

Chemistry speaks good sense, celexahell. Whenever you feel the drama coming on, you should re-read this:

If you're seeing any level of improvement this early on, there's no need to worry man. Seriously, if you knew for sure 100% in 6 months you'd be okay you wouldn't be thinking about death so much... Dont look too into other peoples experiences and try to make it your own or apply them to yours. Trust your experience. You mention days where things are a bit better, orgasms better, etc. It will be a gradual improvement, up and down like what you've got so far. from what i've seen, the people who recovered in the end mentioned the same things as you, the improvements very small at first but then they get better as time goes on.  Yes some things might get worse, and others better... Don't expect this to be predictable. But give it another few months and check in again, you may find you've made improvements, i'd say you most likely will. You're showing signs of healing. You're very lucky for that, at least. You can complain and feel angry about being in this mess in the first place all you want but eventually you'll have to accept that you're in this room now, and you gotta be thankful that you're finding your way out slowly, because we both know there are a few people out there that dont... or at least dont fully make it out of this room. But with the signs you're showing, i'm almost certain that won't be you. You're gonna make it. Hang in there.

 

 

You're doing very well compared to many others with PSSD.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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btdt

I agree your doing very well. 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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celexahell

I'm seriously not doing well.   I have no feelings for anyone close to me.  It's tough to put on this act for much longer.  I feel stinging in my chest sometimes.   But no feelings.  Even when I cry, I feel nothing.  This is the ultimate hell.  If I could only go back to April, my life could be somewhat normal now.  I would do anything for my anxiety back.   ANYTHING

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Petunia

Celexahell, please would you put some details about what happened to you in your signature, its impossible to know your situation from reading your current posts and it makes it difficult for people to understand and then be able to offer support.  Most people are not going to read back through your entire thread to find details.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

I'm so sorry you have had this extreme adverse reaction to taking a drug for such a short period of time, what you have described in your last post sounds like anhedonia, quite a common symptom of withdrawal, but it can also be a side effect of taking the drugs as they do tend to blunt all emotions for some people.  There is a thread about it here with others discussing their experience of it:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation/

 

I know that this doesn't help you or stop the nightmare, but you are not alone in having to go through this awful experience. 

 

 

 It's tough to put on this act for much longer.

 

Why do you have to keep acting?  Perhaps it would be less stressful to be honest about what you are going through and then the people in your life would have an opportunity to support you.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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celexahell

Petu, I refer to it as acting because I feel, like I have aquired something like aspbergers. My family and friends know. None of them believe just how bad it is.

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btdt

I try and try to think positive, and go out and enjoy myself, but it always comes back to me: I voluntarily castrated myself and gave myself brain damage. How can I live like this? They even give this poison to sex offenders to destroy their sex drive:http://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/Mobile/newsarticle.aspx?articleid=110658

I used your link in a media post in the forum... just read it.  I am sorry I said that I agree now... and I do see how upset you are and you have every right to be. It is good to have new people here to remind me what the initial loss is like as it has gone on so long for me I almost forget who I was what life was like before.  I forget.  Kind of forget what it was like to be whole. I want to give you some understanding of where it came from other than what I have said already.  

For some of us here the withdrawal has completely broken us.  We have lost things like jobs life's saving homes confidence self respect financial security and independence. It can be very slippery slope and the decent can be fast and furious. It was for me. Recovery is illusive long and hard a lot of it was spent suffering.  For sure a lot of my energies early on were spent in shout outs to some I hoped could help and wild screams of how unfair and inhuman this all is... I did not find a support group or learn the truth of what was going on with me till 8 months into cold turkey withdrawal and 18 years of being drugged.  So when you still looking "good"  to some of us here it is all relative to what it could have been.  My story I am sure sounds bleak to you but I don't think you will follow in my footstep in part because I did it already and am here to tell you the horror of it all so you can NOT do that ...same as every one else here.  You have the benefit of our combined experience.  There is still a bit of disconnect to your rage as but that is not lack of feeling so much as it can't be maintained year after year... it simply wears out.  More than that I and others have learned that every time we are that upset we are also allowing a rush of chemicals to flood our bodies .. that may be the wrong term... but upset does cause so many things to pump up adrenaline ect normal things that should pump up when we are upset... these pumps ups as I just coined them... disrupt our systems and I for one think they can impeded healing.. they sure upset my apple cart a lot. 

There is something called neuro emotions another term people here use maybe you should look that one up... as we can run a bit high or low or do sudden swings between the two when we are in recovery.  It is a normal response it seems to this abnormal experience.  I feel the more time I spend in a peaceful state the better I am... and I think the better I healed... I recommend you check the self care section to find things that helped other people to calm the system. 

I know a certain amount of outrage can't be helped and the neuro emotions have their bit to play in this too... still a warm bath letting go of worry just for this moment deep relaxation videos on utube... all are things I have used to help myself. 

Bottom line you still have a life of sorts a job a gf people who love you a home... this is all good... your struggling I hear you... it is rough I know it should not but I know... still it is. 

Healing takes some winding paths sometimes and there is a learning curve and it all hits at once.. it is lot for anyone to get their head around. 

You have some losses so far they are not losses that cannot be recovered. I think that is what we mean I know you don't want to hear it but to me it seems to be the truth.  There are other people here who are going thru what your are and some worse. I don't know if reading their stories would help or not.  I know my only advice to you is to sooth your system as best you can to increase you healing ability. 

It sucks I know I am sorry this is happening to you... and your not alone in trusting your doctors and taking a pill they gave you we have all done it or none of us would be here.  

Just now focus your energies on soothing you system and keeping your life going. That is the winning hand in this game as far as I can see your chances are good and so far you winning by how we judge winning here. As in no unrecoverable losses. 

I hope that clears this up ... I wish you healing and peace. 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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thisismyname

I know everyone else in this thread has said it already, but you will get better.The body recovers.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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celexahell

I find it really hard to believe I'll ever be back to my old self, sexuality wise and emotionally. It is so blatantly obvious to me that I have some sort of severe neurological damage. I barely live in any moment.

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celexahell

Seriously someone just shoot me.

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mammaP

 

You are in a bad place - I was in exactly the same way after days on Citalopram, only the stupid doctor didn't realise I had Akathisia and put me on mirtazapine to help me sleep and eat again (lost a stone in a week). Mirtazapine made me suicidaly depressed with abnormal thoughts but I was told I needed it...never once suicidal before in my life, even on the Citalopram. Couldn't get off the stuff.

 

I wish I had done what you had and realised it was the drug and stopped and suffered it out.

I truly believe you will heal from this and will come out of a much stronger person and the ability to tackle and overcome anything that life will bring.

 

You are healing everyday....believe it.

 

 

I do have days where I feel mentally clear and normal, for the most part. Emotions aren't as strong, and reality isn't as vivid, but I feel a bit more like "myself", or in other words, who I know I am.

 

Sexually,   things have improved in the sense that orgasms can feel powerful/good now, but the main problem remains the numbness, and I know erection strength isn't up to par.   Also, I used to effortlessly get hard (I'm only in my mid-20s, I damn well should), and now it takes slightly more concentration/work.  But the most worrying thing is that I don't feel as "connected" to my package as I used to;  it's so unsettling and weird.   I really hope I can feel normal in that area again, and emotionally.

 

This was just one week ago and we would call that a window.  Hang on to the memory of it and be assured that 

the window will open again and you will get better.  Read through some of the other threads and you will see 

that we are all in this together, in varying stages. Some of us have been sick for years and years but are improving

slowly. Every window is a blessing however short and a reminder that we are healing. 

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, just get through that moment, then the next.  

If you broke your legs it would take a long time for them to heal but you would know it is going to get better and live with

being disabled for a short time.  Wanting to die is a symptom of withdrawal, it is not your thoughts it is the withdrawal.

Look at the suicide ideation topic in symptoms and self care. Also a topic called 'change the channel' by Alto.

You can think positive and it will help your recovery.  Trust me, I've been there! 


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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celexahell

Hi MammaP,

Yes, while that may seem like a window, my emotional range is still essentially nonexistent. I just feel flat lined all day.

The entire sexual process is *** I don't get properly turned on / aroused. I miss what it feels like to actually be horny as hell.

I am noticing bad headaches and severe fatigue today.

The numbness on my penis and testicles is obvious and devastating.


These drugs are poison. These drugs are *** poison.

Edited by Petu
profane language removed

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Petunia

celexahell, please would you watch your language, see our Rules and Policies here:

 

- You agree that you will not post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law, on this site.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/29-rules-and-policies/


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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celexahell

Sorry Petu. This is truly such a harrowing and desperate situation. It's like my entire sexual response is broken. The best I can describe is like a software virus in my brain. Nothing quite works right. Not emotions. Not sex drive. Not sexual response. Even when I cum it is not felt in my head - just a localized sensation. The lack of romance and love feelings is terrifying. The lack of empathy is terrifying. Not feeling a connection to my own family members is terrifying.

 

All because of a single simple mistake of trying some dumb pill? I live in hell every moment of every day.

 

Do you realize how demoralizing it is to be dating a tall, redheaded, gorgeous, womanly British woman and knowing that you aren't sexually the same as before?

 

Or what about when you were known as the charcasmatic guy that has all but disappeared from most social situations?

 

Or the previously high flying high tech guy that is now unemployed?

 

Now most of my friends and family think I'm a hypochondriac and doctors provide zero, zero, zero help.

 

Six tiny pink pills ruined my life.

 

I want to strangle and force feed Citalopram to its creator.

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btdt

Yes I know it.  The specifics are different but I know it all.

I was given ssri drug first to treat leg pain not for a psych issue this is important given all the psych issues I had post drugging. 

 

Thing is experience has taught me some lessons ....very very late as I am a born fighter and would not give in...I am not sure if it was not willing to give in or refused to buy in or if doing either seemed like I was giving up on my real life....or if it is just the fight in me I had to fight until I could not fight anymore. Even then I would fight bankrupt my mental and physical resources deplete myself completely recover some and go right back to the battle I had a vision of being well and all I knew to do was fight back. Anger was a part of this and force feeding pills to the creator has been one of my visualizations... many of us have said this. 

 

Your at a place we have all been. I can address it only in a different context now only from afar as it is way too easy for me to slip in here with you because of my battling nature and my extreme believe in all your indignation and my empathy.  I have to keep it a bit removed as I have spent countless hours days wks months and perhaps even years stuck there.  For me it is hole in the ground that sucks the life out of me...depletes me and causes my symptoms to skyrocket. It is because of the extreme emotion I do feel around this issue that I can't stay there it is unsafe and unhealthy for me. 

 

I would suggest that is it also unhealthy at least for you too... but I think it may be something you will learn on your own you may be a bit like I was.  It took me a long time a lot of study but more importantly a lot of experience to figure out I could not heal in the state of rage I was in.  Yes it was rage I cannot think of any other word for it. I wanted to do battle like any injured of our species but this doing battle brings on the fight or flight response built in to our human systems causes physiological changes with in us which are the worst possible thing we could do to our bodies when they are trying to heal. For me still to this day this can make me sick so I pick my battles carefully ...more than that... I try to avoid stress and stain at all cost.  Of course life will thrust things upon us that we cannot control and we have to suck it up...but for me staying away from it is where I want to live as that is where I feel I heal best.

 

So the choice to do battle if it is a choice I am not always sure it is as some of it has to come out to keep from exploding... but to lessen you time there if you can is to your benefit.  I think that is all I want to say that is of any use.  I so wish you peace.  


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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btdt

Truth is your not really doing battle with the folks to perpetuate this your talking to people who have all been hurt... but it feels like a place to be heard where they will get it ... if that is point we sure do get it. 

Battle is from what I have seen so far... not really possible they are untouchable. 

So we end up battling ourselves and our healing which is not only not productive it is self destructive ... took me a long time to learn that maybe because of neuro emotions...look that up. 

peace 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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celexahell

Thanks but it is so clear to me that I have been mutilated. I don't see how one can live like this, being completely broken, mentally, sexually, spirituality. I miss who I used to be.

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celexahell

I fantasizize about driving clear across the country from my home in Mass. to San Francisco, CA to jump off the golden gate to end the pain. Life is useless now

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celexahell

Looks like everyone here has given up on me, too.

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dalsaan

Hi

 

These drugs disrupt your nervous system and everything related to it. Unfortunately engaging in the way you are is not conducive to healing. You are stressing your system out further by catastrophising your situation.

 

I am very confident that time will heal your wounds, particularly if you engage gently.

 

I appreciate your distress, if you look up and around you will see there is any people suffering here

 

We all must find the patience and resolve to heal

 

I'm sure you have plenty to offer and lots to gain over the course of your life.

 

Take care

 

Dalsaan


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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celexahell

Hi

 

These drugs disrupt your nervous system and everything related to it. Unfortunately engaging in the way you are is not conducive to healing. You are stressing your system out further by catastrophising your situation.

 

I am very confident that time will heal your wounds, particularly if you engage gently.

 

I appreciate your distress, if you look up and around you will see there is any people suffering here

 

We all must find the patience and resolve to heal

 

I'm sure you have plenty to offer and lots to gain over the course of your life.

 

Take care

 

Dalsaan

It's very difficult to stay positive. When the hell do I get my life back?

 

Will I ever be like I was before.

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alex

 

Hi

 

These drugs disrupt your nervous system and everything related to it. Unfortunately engaging in the way you are is not conducive to healing. You are stressing your system out further by catastrophising your situation.

 

I am very confident that time will heal your wounds, particularly if you engage gently.

 

I appreciate your distress, if you look up and around you will see there is any people suffering here

 

We all must find the patience and resolve to heal

 

I'm sure you have plenty to offer and lots to gain over the course of your life.

 

Take care

 

Dalsaan

 

 

Will I ever be like I was before.

 

 

No, you will be a stronger wiser person.


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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celexahell

 

 

 

Hi

 

These drugs disrupt your nervous system and everything related to it. Unfortunately engaging in the way you are is not conducive to healing. You are stressing your system out further by catastrophising your situation.

 

I am very confident that time will heal your wounds, particularly if you engage gently.

 

I appreciate your distress, if you look up and around you will see there is any people suffering here

 

We all must find the patience and resolve to heal

 

I'm sure you have plenty to offer and lots to gain over the course of your life.

 

Take care

 

Dalsaan

 

Will I ever be like I was before.

No, you will be a stronger wiser person.

Honestly there's nothing noble or strong about this. It's just a tragedy that was created by a shortsighted choice. They helped me in no way, only brought me torture. I am buried alive.

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Petunia

I fantasizize about driving clear across the country from my home in Mass. to San Francisco, CA to jump off the golden gate to end the pain. Life is useless now

 

If you are seriously considering harming yourself, you need to seek face to face help, in the area you live, we cannot help, except for words of support, in that situation. Threatening suicide is a cry for help that requires face to face emergency intervention.

 

Please call 1-800-273-8255  or go to:   http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

Looks like everyone here has given up on me, too.

 

We haven't given up on you.  We will continue to provide support. But it seems that what we have been doing so far hasn't helped to change your attitude or thinking about your situation.

 

We can't change what has happened to you.  We can't take your symptoms away.  All we can do is provide information to validate your situation.  Listen to your experiences and share our own.  Offer suggestions for how to accept reality, manage difficulties and move more gracefully into a state of healing and recovery.

 

Most of us here are still struggling with our own drug and withdrawal related suffering.  In one way or another we have all been deceived, mislead, misinformed or made bad choices.  We share your sense of outrage, loss and fear of remaining in this state for ever.

 

But the only way we can help each other is to encourage an attitude of focusing on what is positive, hopeful and helpful, because this reduces stress, produces a calming effect on the nervous system and supports actual recovery.  Maintaining a stance of anger, outrage, hopelessness and fear increases stress and does ongoing damage to the nervous system.

 

Its important for you to learn how to relax and calm yourself, we can't do it for you.  How can we help you to understand this?

 

 

 

No, you will be a stronger wiser person.

Honestly there's nothing noble or strong about this. It's just a tragedy that was created by a shortsighted choice. They helped me in no way, only brought me torture. I am buried alive.

 

 

Alex wasn't saying that the situation was good, but that from this situation, you have the opportunity for becoming an improved version of yourself.  I'm not going to speak for Alex, you can read through his thread yourself, but his withdrawal experience, as difficult as its been, has brought increased emotional strength and wisdom into his life, making him a 'better' person than he was before.

 

Celexahell, please would you put some details about what happened to you in your signature, its impossible to know your situation from reading your current posts and it makes it difficult for people to understand and then be able to offer support.  Most people are not going to read back through your entire thread to find details.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

 

If you are having problems doing your signature, let us know and someone will help.

 

Wishing you a calm and peaceful weekend.

 

Petu.

 

 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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celexahell

Thanks Petu. I am just so devastated. This mistake has severely damaged my life in so many ways.

 

If it weren't for my dear sweet Mom who unfortunately highly recommended this crap medication, I would take my life probably before the year is over. But I know it would kill her. So I have to suffer and stick around, even though I have lost every gpod thing in my life.

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Altostrata

celexahell: When you do recover, and you read your posts above, what will you think?

 

When you're all through with this, will you help people in a similar situation, young men who show up here confused and despairing?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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celexahell

celexahell: When you do recover, and you read your posts above, what will you think?

 

When you're all through with this, will you help people in a similar situation, young men who show up here confused and despairing?

I sure hope so . At thus juncture I feel like I'll never recover. I am fundamentally different and my sexuality is broken.

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alex

 

celexahell: When you do recover, and you read your posts above, what will you think?

 

When you're all through with this, will you help people in a similar situation, young men who show up here confused and despairing?

. At thus juncture I feel like I'll never recover.

 

EVERYBODY here feels that way very often....

I am a 60 yrs old man, injured by 4+ years use of Effexor, a very well known poison here.

After 2 long and agonizing years, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, not w/o horrible waves or setbacks, that challenge all logic and endurance, after many months of struggle I've had days and even weeks of clear windows of recovery.

I cling to that in hope that I am healing, and that my recovery is on scedule.

This is tough;but you WILL recover.

BTW, what I meant in the last post was,"what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" I am translating from spanish, sorry for my english.

 

Hang in there


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Altostrata

celexahell, if you want to put energy into helping people with what you've learned, you might start now. Showing people you care is good for the nervous system and helps healing. Visit the other Intro topics and support people as much as you can. This will be good for you, I promise.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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btdt

For the record people here have not given up on you.  I had to go away without a computer.  Suicide is one option many of us here have thought here and if you looked that word up on any antidepressant withdrawal site you will find it quite popular.  There is a difference between talking about it and being in a state of mind to do it and some of us here know the difference and have talked about here in the past. Like you I too have people who care about me so I stay hope for the best try to be of service to those I love and maybe the odd person here. 

When I started this journey years ago I was in cold turkey withdrawal and suffering hard. I had severe insomnia and I read a withdrawal site night and day... looking for the answer.. as I thought there might be one thing that would help. I think in a way it helped me to read the site so that I could understand this antidepressant issue.  It helped me to read other peoples stories and see their progress as they healed.  I had hoped to heal as quickly as they did but it was not to be for me. It maybe for you and we will be here to help you if we can.  I have found few things that helped me.. but when I did find them I broad cast them all over these sites... relaxation is top of my list ...epson salt baths... walks in nature I like to be by water when I can... I know this is not the magic we seek this is keeping ourselves alive and well while our bodies do the healing.  Trying not to do much to get in the way of that healing and distracting ourselves from the strain of it all by ..yep distraction...hopefully distractions that are calming. 

Peace to you...


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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thisismyname

I dont really understand the logic behind antidepressants. Everyone says to stay away from mood altering substances, people say using drugs as a coping mechanism is bad... yet antidepressants are MOOD ALTERING substances that supposedly take away the pain of depression. Which begs the question, is taking antidepressants for your depression any different than, I dont know..say...smoking crack? binge drinking? popping opiates? Judging on how they have affected the people here, Its safe to say that they can be just as deadly.

 

 

Wouldn't it be more healthy for people to just actually confront their depression and treat the root cause by living a healthy lifestyle, rather than just popping a pill but staying in the same depressing situation? if the powers that be thought this way, Then people like celexahell wouldn't be feeling the way they are. its really troubling to think that psychiatrists consider pills as the "first line" treatment of depression. It isn't surprising that they would resort to pills, since writing a script doesn't take up too much of their already limited brain power.

 

Doctors shouldn't be allowed to write scripts for "antidepressant's" either, If I had my way not even the president would be able to get a hold of those things, all antidepressants would be disposed of and everyone would be happy, healthy and treat their depression the right way.

 

sorry for the rant, but I had to let that out.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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celexahell

I completely agree with d everything you just said, thisismyname. SSRIs are based on quack science and are completely dangerous.

 

I am laying here at 1:30 am, wide awake, wondering if I'll ever be normal again. I'm also still awake because that poison messed me up in so many ways - I'm never really hungry, never properly tired, urinary issues....

 

Earlier, I had sex with my girlfriend a few times after she had called me up, apparently she was horny all day, think of me. Do you know how devastating, dehumanizing and just completely tortorus it is to not even feel horny? It's completely mechanical now. And the numbness is pure evil as well.

 

I still want to die, it's the background of my thoughts all day.

 

I feel like my entire soul has been wiped clean and replaced with blackness. I have no hopes, dreams, goals, or desires. I value nothing. Money means nothing. I feel about as much for some random person on the street as I do my own family - nothing.

 

Compare this to the old me -- I was the most empathetic person. I was the most emotional person. I am now a cardboard cutout.

 

I used to be so loving. I used to have an imagination I used to have a life.

 

My mom told me the other day that I "basically abandoned my whole family" because I don't really stop by to visit anymore, or at least much less than I used to. It's because I spend a lot of time in bed. Being alone feels about the same as being around people. Whereas I used to be incredibly social.

 

I hope the creators of these drugs die horrible deaths, and I would ideally be the one to cause such an event. (Note to FBI - I would not do such a thing, so, f--- off.)

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schizor

celexahell I feel absolutely the same as you and I too constanly think about killing myself.


9/2013 to 1/2014 on zyprexa,

1/2014 to 3/2014 months on zoloft

cold turkeyd all meds but still suffering from anhedonia

..

....

 

01/2015 recovered, my old self is back

06/2015  better and stronger person 

manic episode and total relapse

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celexahell

celexahell I feel absolutely the same as you and I too constanly think about killing myself.

I'm sorry you ended up this way too, of course sorry is barely enough. It seems that living is something other people do these days. I just exist physically now.

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schizor

 How long have you stopped taking them celexahell?


9/2013 to 1/2014 on zyprexa,

1/2014 to 3/2014 months on zoloft

cold turkeyd all meds but still suffering from anhedonia

..

....

 

01/2015 recovered, my old self is back

06/2015  better and stronger person 

manic episode and total relapse

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celexahell

How long have you stopped taking them celexahell?

I took the crap, 20mg citalopram, for less than a week in April, Apr7-Apr 12 and then two days in the beginning of may. Six or seven doses total. It is now almost the end of July. That's almost three months. My testicles also hurt throughout the day and just feel "off". My sex drive and emotions are still completely destroyed, plus genital numbness. I feel like it must be a bad dream but every day I wake up to the same nightmare.

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