celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

[celexahell]

A pharmacist recently suggested to me that I may have Lyme disease, as a lot of the symptoms are similar. Although I believe it is only transmitted via tick bite, I did have unprotected sex a few times in Dec/Jan who told me she had Lyme - see http://lymedisease.org/news/lyme_disease_views/lyme-sexual-transmission.html

 

Anyway, I did get tested for it though and it came back NEG, but I heard that testing for it is tricky and unreliable.

[schizor]

a interesting video 

[celexahell]

I'm terrified to watch stuff about this or the brain in general, as I feel that I have destroyed my once smoothly working brain. ...

[schizor]

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 

[btdt]

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 

It will come and go like that don't panic that is the worst thing you can do... take it easy rest your eyes and your brain.  

Getting an eye test would not be a bad idea... 

I had all sorts of tests and it turned out there is nothing they can name... a few things they don't understand or can't relate to the symptoms I have. 

I think a lot of people have a lot of symptoms doctors don't yet understand. 

If your too worried see you doctor... never hurts to check... but it costs a lot of money and time and aggravation... when one would much rather be well and living a life. 

Just how it is.

[celexahell]

There's barely any highlights to any of my days. Life seems so pointless now.

[celexahell]

The days are so long and meaningless. ... where will this end. ....

[celexahell]

cannot sleep, once again, thinking of my ruined life

[celexahell]

It's like every memory I've made prior to the poison is fake, and every memory I make now is flimsy and not quite real. I'm losing my mind. Everything seems so dull and my personality is ruined. I also feel castrated. Had I known my entire life would be ruined I would have stayed so far away from that crap.

[Altostrata]

Remember what we said about the drama?

 

Chemistry speaks good sense, celexahell. Whenever you feel the drama coming on, you should re-read this:

If you're seeing any level of improvement this early on, there's no need to worry man. Seriously, if you knew for sure 100% in 6 months you'd be okay you wouldn't be thinking about death so much... Dont look too into other peoples experiences and try to make it your own or apply them to yours. Trust your experience. You mention days where things are a bit better, orgasms better, etc. It will be a gradual improvement, up and down like what you've got so far. from what i've seen, the people who recovered in the end mentioned the same things as you, the improvements very small at first but then they get better as time goes on.  Yes some things might get worse, and others better... Don't expect this to be predictable. But give it another few months and check in again, you may find you've made improvements, i'd say you most likely will. You're showing signs of healing. You're very lucky for that, at least. You can complain and feel angry about being in this mess in the first place all you want but eventually you'll have to accept that you're in this room now, and you gotta be thankful that you're finding your way out slowly, because we both know there are a few people out there that dont... or at least dont fully make it out of this room. But with the signs you're showing, i'm almost certain that won't be you. You're gonna make it. Hang in there.

 

 

You're doing very well compared to many others with PSSD.

[celexahell]

I read it and read it, but I have trouble beliving it. My mind is honestly wiped clean, my soul is wiped clean, my memories seem fake. I can barely remember what it feels like to feel normal emotionally, to get horny, to feel love, and so on. This feels like the new normal - empty.

 

My balls hurt throughout the day and the numbness is appalling. I used to be so sexual, horny all the time, now I feel castrated. I miss relentlessly wanting to f--- my woman.

 

My soul is empty. Honestly just empty.

 

 

I used to have such a textured reality.

 

I now only exist physically.

 

 

And just barely.

 

Every night I go to sleep I hope I wake up as my old self again. And I never do.

 

The cycle repeats. I wake up to another nightmare of a day, every day.

 

I don't want to die, I want to live. But how am I supposed to live this tainted life?

[Altostrata]

Read it over 4 times before making a post like that. You are putting yourself through unnecessary pain by brooding.

[thisismyname]

I can't begin to imagine what you're going though but people recover from adverse reactions, It just takes time. The body has great healing mechanisms in place to fix things.

[btdt]

It can be a bit tricky to get out of a stuck state in the beginning.  First ask yourself seriously if you want to make a change to your day to day life... if the answer is yes your ready then make a plan.  Gentle exercise is one thing that can help... deep relaxation epsom salt baths or foot soaks. 

 

Reading the ideas others have used distraction I have seen a lot of things fall into this category they are all useful any sort of things that distracts you from thinking about this... it could be a sport... exercise books movies playing with you dog if you have one.  

Making a change takes will when your ready and a plan. It can help when your ready. 

I wish you peace. 

[celexahell]

How the f---, as a mid 20s guy, can I accept feeling practally castrated and mentally void? I used to be a million times better. Just a few doses of a tiny pink pill can ruin an entire person that's taken years to build and mature? How??????? How!!!????? Someone needs to die over this!!!!!!!

[chicken]

I spent 10 years on Prozac. I was unable to get sexuallly aroused during that time. After stopping the drug, I was able to again.

 

There is hope.

[celexahell]

I have nothing left to live for

[thisismyname]

Plenty of people on this forum were in the same boat as you, and they thought it would never end, but it did.

[thisismyname]

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 

Reminds me of what I was going through when I STARTED taking celexa again. Things would look strange when read and perfectly put together sentences would look like they had an error. I tried putting a puzzle together and the pieces looked weird to me. This went away. It might be a stretch, but I think that the start up effects of drugs can mimic the symptoms of withdraw as well.

[celexahell]

There's just nothingness when I look inside. I used to hAve such a such inner reality. And it doesn't even feel like my d*ick is "mine" anymore if that makes any sense. The brain/sexuality connection is severed. I wonder if it really will come back.

[Petunia]

Its time to change the channel celexahell.  Please read through this thread:

 

"Change the Channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

It's a way of managing the distress while not adding to it with very understandable worry, fear, or panic. 

 

You feel a feeling, and your observing self knows you are feeling a feeling: "Oh, I'm feeling so sad." The technique is very simple: When you recognize you are in the midst of an unpleasant emotion, change the channel by doing something more pleasant or constructive or healthy.

 

Put this technique into practice and then come back and tell us your experiences of it.

[btdt]

I wish I knew how I keep thinking knowing how really knowing should lead to some way to undo all this.  I have been looking for years...sadly I am not that smart... smarter people than I have been seeking answers and what you find here is the best information there is. I truly do not understand how any industry can know this and just keep going ... I have tried to comprehend this.  So far I have done better with acceptance hit and miss... but understanding it I just can't do it.  I guess I am not much help to you in this respect.  The how part on it continuing is the how I truly will never understand not ever. I  have had some very cold moments during all this where I was almost robot like and while it may be easier to accept that this entire issue exists when in that state... there is still no true understanding of the entire situation. No matter how long it goes or how much I know I can't justify how this continues after they know what can happen.  The pat answer will be that those of us here are a small minority and that most people benefit from these drug without any of these issues.  That is what I have heard I don't know it to be the truth I don't know how anyone could really know. I think the fact that any of us here exist and need a forum like this should be cause enough to do something different so it stops happening.  That is just me... I am told by many I am different... ha... sure am different. 

I wish you peace and I hope it comes soon. 

[celexahell]

I saw a video of me just a few minutes ago and I honestly look mentally retarded. Slower. What the hell?

[thisismyname]

I saw a video of me just a few minutes ago and I honestly look mentally retarded. Slower. What the hell?

It's common for people dislike the sound of their own voice and are over critical of videos and pictures of themselves. I hate my pictures and videos too.

[Muddles]

Urgh...I know how you are feeling or 'not' feeling should I say.

 

My sisters and brothers are taking my dads ashes to his homeland next month. I cannot go because I cannot feel a single emotion for him. The man who raised me...I have not and cannot grieve. It's just not right.

[celexahell]

I can't believe this is happening. I know thisis... people usually don't, but I liked myself in pics and video usually, not in a narcissistic way but I definitely didn't hate myself.

[celexahell]

Muddles, I'm very sorry you are in this place too. Are you also castrated? I honestly can't really think of a worse punishment.

[Altostrata]

Muddles, you should go with your family. You may be moved by the occasion. We recover our feelings by exercising them. Like everything else, they come back little by little.

[Muddles]

I'm not sure Alto. I know my daughters last day at primary school was so distressing as I could not feel anything but doom. God, I wish I could grieve for him instead of myself.

[celexahell]

To me the emotionless hell is almost worse tHan the sexual issues. I could find a different way of life and forget about sex but having no emotions every second of every day makes me want to die.

[celexahell]

Another lifeless soulless day goes by.

[dalsaan]

I'm sorry but you are your own worst enemy in this.  Focussing on the damage is very stressful for your nervous system - stressing your nervous system exacerbates the damage, which you reflect on ..............................

 

Only you can do something about that and I for one am not prepared to be complicit in what I see as self perpetuated harm.  I hope you find the fortitude to engage differently than you are now.  Many people on her have and are recovering.

[celexahell]

I'm sorry but you are your own worst enemy in this. Focussing on the damage is very stressful for your nervous system - stressing your nervous system exacerbates the damage, which you reflect on ..............................

 

Only you can do something about that and I for one am not prepared to be complicit in what I see as self perpetuated harm. I hope you find the fortitude to engage differently than you are now. Many people on her have and are recovering.

 

Thanks dalsaan. I guess I'm just feeling that what I have is a form of brain damage. It had been about three months and I feel completely disconnected from reality, plus severe sexual issues. I barely remember who I used to be.

[alex]

 I guess I'm just feeling that what I have is a form of brain damage. It had been about three months and I feel completely disconnected from reality, plus severe sexual issues. I barely remember who I used to be.

 

 

IT IS brain damage, I'm afraid.

But we are able to recover.

You have been suffering for 3 months;I have been struggling for 2 years now....

It has been the most incredible, horrendous process that  can imagine.

Very slow, erratic process recovering from 4+ years of Effexor exposure, a powerful toxic chemical...very scary.....

But I am better;it has gotten from terrifiyng to difficult, with some "good" days.

Do you sleep? If you do,you should be thankful, and your healing process will be easier.

I can understand your anger and frustration;but you are young, and you were on the drug for a very short time.

ACCEPTANCE,patience,faith and guts, and you will be fine,just like many others before you.

 

Sending healing vibes all the way from tropical paradise to beautiful Boston.

[Muddles]

Gosh, I wish I had realised I'd had brain damage after a week on Citalopram - I wouldn't have touched another drug to damge my brain to the point of none functioning.

How the hell is this stuff legal?

 

They may as well of given us a gun!

[schizor]

I think people just get used to this new state rather then recover