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celexahell

celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

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celexahell

A pharmacist recently suggested to me that I may have Lyme disease, as a lot of the symptoms are similar. Although I believe it is only transmitted via tick bite, I did have unprotected sex a few times in Dec/Jan who told me she had Lyme - see http://lymedisease.org/news/lyme_disease_views/lyme-sexual-transmission.html

 

Anyway, I did get tested for it though and it came back NEG, but I heard that testing for it is tricky and unreliable.

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schizor

a interesting video 


9/2013 to 1/2014 on zyprexa,

1/2014 to 3/2014 months on zoloft

cold turkeyd all meds but still suffering from anhedonia

..

....

 

01/2015 recovered, my old self is back

06/2015  better and stronger person 

manic episode and total relapse

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celexahell

I'm terrified to watch stuff about this or the brain in general, as I feel that I have destroyed my once smoothly working brain. ...

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schizor

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 


9/2013 to 1/2014 on zyprexa,

1/2014 to 3/2014 months on zoloft

cold turkeyd all meds but still suffering from anhedonia

..

....

 

01/2015 recovered, my old self is back

06/2015  better and stronger person 

manic episode and total relapse

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btdt

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 

It will come and go like that don't panic that is the worst thing you can do... take it easy rest your eyes and your brain.  

Getting an eye test would not be a bad idea... 

I had all sorts of tests and it turned out there is nothing they can name... a few things they don't understand or can't relate to the symptoms I have. 

I think a lot of people have a lot of symptoms doctors don't yet understand. 

If your too worried see you doctor... never hurts to check... but it costs a lot of money and time and aggravation... when one would much rather be well and living a life. 

Just how it is.


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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celexahell

There's barely any highlights to any of my days. Life seems so pointless now.

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celexahell

The days are so long and meaningless. ... where will this end. ....

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celexahell

cannot sleep, once again, thinking of my ruined life

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celexahell

It's like every memory I've made prior to the poison is fake, and every memory I make now is flimsy and not quite real. I'm losing my mind. Everything seems so dull and my personality is ruined. I also feel castrated. Had I known my entire life would be ruined I would have stayed so far away from that crap.

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Altostrata

Remember what we said about the drama?

 

Chemistry speaks good sense, celexahell. Whenever you feel the drama coming on, you should re-read this:

If you're seeing any level of improvement this early on, there's no need to worry man. Seriously, if you knew for sure 100% in 6 months you'd be okay you wouldn't be thinking about death so much... Dont look too into other peoples experiences and try to make it your own or apply them to yours. Trust your experience. You mention days where things are a bit better, orgasms better, etc. It will be a gradual improvement, up and down like what you've got so far. from what i've seen, the people who recovered in the end mentioned the same things as you, the improvements very small at first but then they get better as time goes on.  Yes some things might get worse, and others better... Don't expect this to be predictable. But give it another few months and check in again, you may find you've made improvements, i'd say you most likely will. You're showing signs of healing. You're very lucky for that, at least. You can complain and feel angry about being in this mess in the first place all you want but eventually you'll have to accept that you're in this room now, and you gotta be thankful that you're finding your way out slowly, because we both know there are a few people out there that dont... or at least dont fully make it out of this room. But with the signs you're showing, i'm almost certain that won't be you. You're gonna make it. Hang in there.

 

 

You're doing very well compared to many others with PSSD.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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celexahell

I read it and read it, but I have trouble beliving it. My mind is honestly wiped clean, my soul is wiped clean, my memories seem fake. I can barely remember what it feels like to feel normal emotionally, to get horny, to feel love, and so on. This feels like the new normal - empty.

 

My balls hurt throughout the day and the numbness is appalling. I used to be so sexual, horny all the time, now I feel castrated. I miss relentlessly wanting to f--- my woman.

 

My soul is empty. Honestly just empty.

 

 

I used to have such a textured reality.

 

I now only exist physically.

 

 

And just barely.

 

Every night I go to sleep I hope I wake up as my old self again. And I never do.

 

The cycle repeats. I wake up to another nightmare of a day, every day.

 

I don't want to die, I want to live. But how am I supposed to live this tainted life?

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Altostrata

Read it over 4 times before making a post like that. You are putting yourself through unnecessary pain by brooding.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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thisismyname

I can't begin to imagine what you're going though but people recover from adverse reactions, It just takes time. The body has great healing mechanisms in place to fix things.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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btdt

It can be a bit tricky to get out of a stuck state in the beginning.  First ask yourself seriously if you want to make a change to your day to day life... if the answer is yes your ready then make a plan.  Gentle exercise is one thing that can help... deep relaxation epsom salt baths or foot soaks. 

 

Reading the ideas others have used distraction I have seen a lot of things fall into this category they are all useful any sort of things that distracts you from thinking about this... it could be a sport... exercise books movies playing with you dog if you have one.  

Making a change takes will when your ready and a plan. It can help when your ready. 

I wish you peace. 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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celexahell

How the f---, as a mid 20s guy, can I accept feeling practally castrated and mentally void? I used to be a million times better. Just a few doses of a tiny pink pill can ruin an entire person that's taken years to build and mature? How??????? How!!!????? Someone needs to die over this!!!!!!!

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chicken

I spent 10 years on Prozac. I was unable to get sexuallly aroused during that time. After stopping the drug, I was able to again.

 

There is hope.


Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

March 2017 DRUG FREE

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celexahell

I have nothing left to live for

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thisismyname

Plenty of people on this forum were in the same boat as you, and they thought it would never end, but it did.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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thisismyname

I think its only getting worse.I cant even read a long post anymore and I used to read a lot of books.... 

Reminds me of what I was going through when I STARTED taking celexa again. Things would look strange when read and perfectly put together sentences would look like they had an error. I tried putting a puzzle together and the pieces looked weird to me. This went away. It might be a stretch, but I think that the start up effects of drugs can mimic the symptoms of withdraw as well.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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celexahell

There's just nothingness when I look inside. I used to hAve such a such inner reality. And it doesn't even feel like my d*ick is "mine" anymore if that makes any sense. The brain/sexuality connection is severed. I wonder if it really will come back.

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Petunia

Its time to change the channel celexahell.  Please read through this thread:

 

"Change the Channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

It's a way of managing the distress while not adding to it with very understandable worry, fear, or panic. 

 

You feel a feeling, and your observing self knows you are feeling a feeling: "Oh, I'm feeling so sad." The technique is very simple: When you recognize you are in the midst of an unpleasant emotion, change the channel by doing something more pleasant or constructive or healthy.

 

Put this technique into practice and then come back and tell us your experiences of it.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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btdt

I wish I knew how I keep thinking knowing how really knowing should lead to some way to undo all this.  I have been looking for years...sadly I am not that smart... smarter people than I have been seeking answers and what you find here is the best information there is. I truly do not understand how any industry can know this and just keep going ... I have tried to comprehend this.  So far I have done better with acceptance hit and miss... but understanding it I just can't do it.  I guess I am not much help to you in this respect.  The how part on it continuing is the how I truly will never understand not ever. I  have had some very cold moments during all this where I was almost robot like and while it may be easier to accept that this entire issue exists when in that state... there is still no true understanding of the entire situation. No matter how long it goes or how much I know I can't justify how this continues after they know what can happen.  The pat answer will be that those of us here are a small minority and that most people benefit from these drug without any of these issues.  That is what I have heard I don't know it to be the truth I don't know how anyone could really know. I think the fact that any of us here exist and need a forum like this should be cause enough to do something different so it stops happening.  That is just me... I am told by many I am different... ha... sure am different. 

I wish you peace and I hope it comes soon. 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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celexahell

I saw a video of me just a few minutes ago and I honestly look mentally retarded. Slower. What the hell?

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thisismyname

I saw a video of me just a few minutes ago and I honestly look mentally retarded. Slower. What the hell?

It's common for people dislike the sound of their own voice and are over critical of videos and pictures of themselves. I hate my pictures and videos too.


Summer of 2007 started celexa at age 15.

 

December of 2013 MISDIAGNOSED with GERD and was perscribed ppi's.

Mid May 2014 went C/T(Stupidly) off of my 40MG of celexa due to an interaction to the ppi's. This interaction left my body damaged.

First of July of 2014 went back on my celexa at 5 mgs..

Currently adjusting to 5 mg's of Celexa.

 

Current meds: Adderall Xr 30 mg/ Celexa 5mg/ Buspar 15mg/ Vistaril 25mg/ Fish oil 1000mg/ B12 100mcg/ Mulit-vitamin.

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Muddles

Urgh...I know how you are feeling or 'not' feeling should I say.

 

My sisters and brothers are taking my dads ashes to his homeland next month. I cannot go because I cannot feel a single emotion for him. The man who raised me...I have not and cannot grieve. It's just not right.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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celexahell

I can't believe this is happening. I know thisis... people usually don't, but I liked myself in pics and video usually, not in a narcissistic way but I definitely didn't hate myself.

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celexahell

Muddles, I'm very sorry you are in this place too. Are you also castrated? I honestly can't really think of a worse punishment.

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Altostrata

Muddles, you should go with your family. You may be moved by the occasion. We recover our feelings by exercising them. Like everything else, they come back little by little.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Muddles

I'm not sure Alto. I know my daughters last day at primary school was so distressing as I could not feel anything but doom. God, I wish I could grieve for him instead of myself.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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celexahell

To me the emotionless hell is almost worse tHan the sexual issues. I could find a different way of life and forget about sex but having no emotions every second of every day makes me want to die.

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celexahell

Another lifeless soulless day goes by.

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dalsaan

I'm sorry but you are your own worst enemy in this.  Focussing on the damage is very stressful for your nervous system - stressing your nervous system exacerbates the damage, which you reflect on ..............................

 

Only you can do something about that and I for one am not prepared to be complicit in what I see as self perpetuated harm.  I hope you find the fortitude to engage differently than you are now.  Many people on her have and are recovering.


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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celexahell

I'm sorry but you are your own worst enemy in this. Focussing on the damage is very stressful for your nervous system - stressing your nervous system exacerbates the damage, which you reflect on ..............................

 

Only you can do something about that and I for one am not prepared to be complicit in what I see as self perpetuated harm. I hope you find the fortitude to engage differently than you are now. Many people on her have and are recovering.

 

Thanks dalsaan. I guess I'm just feeling that what I have is a form of brain damage. It had been about three months and I feel completely disconnected from reality, plus severe sexual issues. I barely remember who I used to be.

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alex

 I guess I'm just feeling that what I have is a form of brain damage. It had been about three months and I feel completely disconnected from reality, plus severe sexual issues. I barely remember who I used to be.

 

 

IT IS brain damage, I'm afraid.

But we are able to recover.

You have been suffering for 3 months;I have been struggling for 2 years now....

It has been the most incredible, horrendous process that  can imagine.

Very slow, erratic process recovering from 4+ years of Effexor exposure, a powerful toxic chemical...very scary.....

But I am better;it has gotten from terrifiyng to difficult, with some "good" days.

Do you sleep? If you do,you should be thankful, and your healing process will be easier.

I can understand your anger and frustration;but you are young, and you were on the drug for a very short time.

ACCEPTANCE,patience,faith and guts, and you will be fine,just like many others before you.

 

Sending healing vibes all the way from tropical paradise to beautiful Boston.


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Muddles

Gosh, I wish I had realised I'd had brain damage after a week on Citalopram - I wouldn't have touched another drug to damge my brain to the point of none functioning.

How the hell is this stuff legal?

 

They may as well of given us a gun!


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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schizor

I think people just get used to this new state rather then recover :(


9/2013 to 1/2014 on zyprexa,

1/2014 to 3/2014 months on zoloft

cold turkeyd all meds but still suffering from anhedonia

..

....

 

01/2015 recovered, my old self is back

06/2015  better and stronger person 

manic episode and total relapse

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