celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

[celexahell]

Trying to enjoy myself on a day out by the ocean but the consistent thougt keeps coming that I may never be as mentally sharp as before and my original sexuality may never return.

[celexahell]

It's so much more than genital anesthesia and weird erectile problems .... it's the destruction of the idea of even being a sexual being .....

[btdt]

 

 

Interesting. I've had glimpses of emotions at the most seemingly insignificant times too. Reflecting on the "old me" though, it's devastating .... I used to get emotional just seeing my lady wear her old worn in slippers for instance, or when her daughter gave her a a homemade valentine card and it made me cry .... or all of the songs and poetry that used to make my soul dance..... it's just wrong.... this new reality is so bleak.... it's amazing I'm still alive, honestly.

 

I am out with my lady and she looks so hot and to not have the accompanying libido is torture. When I kiss her I get hard but the numbness and disconnected feeling ruins all of it.

 

Sex offenders maybe deserve this. Not me.

You get hard?! What a marvelous sign.. use it is what I say... or let her... not to be too specific here but why not?

I wonder if letting her would encourage healing... if I were you I would so go for it. Good news peace

Yes well, we have sex, but it's absolutely nothing like it was before ... I used to get bigger.... I know how insanely good she feels, and the numbness hides some of that. .... plus the dopamine rush is gone.... purely criminal

 

I get where your coming from but it has been such a short time so far if you still have functioning now that is extremely encouraging.  The fact that you can has sex of any sort is in my mind encouraging.  If you consider that others have lost the ability and have recovered some have then you chances go up dramatically.   I know that the dwelling on it is part of the ocd bit of withdrawal caused by the drugs themselves... no I am not suggesting I know it.  

Sometimes it has been something I just gave in to when I did not know any better and sometimes it was just too strong for me and I was beat down by it... BUT and this is a big BUT considering the difference it can make in your daily life.  BUT there are some things you can try to combat this remunerating I think it is like OCD in a way...

Break the cycle when you notice it - kind of like a fear it just comes up and your stuck on it like a OCD person who has to wash their hands 20 times an hour.. try to change the channel to focus on something else. The reason one may want to do this as for me it felt like suffering..yes i was suffering in a lot of different ways but when I could have had a minute of peace these stupid torturing thoughts doubts incessant nagging would steal peace from me. This to me was suffering and getting it stopped when I could helped me feel better.

 

Changing the channel means you have to focus on something else and it may take practice to do it... and it will seem like this is not right and not fair you have to do it but really if you don't the choice is to stay stuck with it... that is the first thing... I found it helped to have a back up from another sense so use your hands to do something build something that requires you to think and coordinate hand and brain or play a game that requires both.. draw... even word find games... whatever you like to do with your hands.  Cook this requires a few other senses tasting chopping smelling cooking helped me thru some rough withdrawals in my life and I not talking about the last cold turkey but others.  I would make muffins in the middle of the night when I had insomnia and join all my skills together to get out of the ruminating rut. I don't  know you so don't know what you would like to do but doing anything that requires thought and focus ...focus is the main word.  Even or especially meditating... 

here is one I found helpful

Stop and watch for you next thought it is a brain trick as soon as a thought comes start over... the point here is to have no thought. This really helped me when my brain was running away with my marbles. 

 I think once you realize this rut is part of the withdrawal process and that is causing you to suffer you will attempt some changes I hope some of this works for you or the concept at least.

I wish people peace because for the longest time I could not find ANY I value it highly more then the job I don't have or the house I lost or all else don't let this take your peace... fight back.

peace.

[btdt]

I will say this too...

I have not had sex since 2006 July 10 

If I had to choose between peace and sex peace would win. 

Just my opinion... no I did not get to choose I lost both but I have manged some peace and think it the greater win so far. Maybe if I had sex and peace I would feel like a winner... but really peace is where it is at.  I really think the sex will come in your case in time peace would be the one I would push for now if I were you .

peace

[btdt]

It's so much more than genital anesthesia and weird erectile problems .... it's the destruction of the idea of even being a sexual being .....

I know I know it all not being a smart ass either it is a horrid thing to lose this but it is worse in my opinion to lose and not get back peace and I think the process while you thinking about sex the process is stealing peace from you and your not noticing as it slips out the back door with a bigger price than it had to start with do you see what I mean. From what I know it will take some time for the sex to heal... I mean the entire bag not just body parts in the mean time please try to stop the leak of peace before it gets any worse.  

I dont' want to see this wear you down bad enough this much is gone but to let more go if you can stop it would be tragic.  Maybe you will not be able to do it yet but you will not know if you don't try please give it a shot.  

peace

[celexahell]

Can't sleep. Thinking about my ruined life and bleak future. Wanting to die and also hoping for the death of the c--t that caused the drama in my life that led me here.

[Broken]

Hi Celexahell,

 

I don't know if you read my thread but believe me it could be worse. In no way am I trying to belittle your awful reaction to celexa, I'm sorry you're having to deal with these unforgivable side effects.

 

I seem to have developed the polar opposite to what you're presently experiencing. My junk is permanently sensitive, I feel continual physical arousal and pain and yet I have zero libido, nor is it ever accompanied by an erection. It's impossible to concentrate, can't watch television, read a book or have relations with my beautiful wife. I am riddled with guilt as I have had to leave my heavily pregnant wife and two little girls, take yet another leave of absence from work and move home with my parents for fear of taking my own life.

 

I don't want to die, I don't want to leave my family grieving.

 

It's unfair I feel to call it suicide because that would suggest it was a choice I made to take my own life.

 

My life was taken from me, I wonder how god looks upon suicide under these circumstances.

 

I have now reinstated yet another ssri with the hope that it will somehow correct my physical discontonuation symptoms in the interim period. Crazy I know but I'm desperate and I can't see how things can get any worse.

 

I pray that I'll get some relief. I'm a good husband and a good father, my reason for taking antidepressants was to help with anxiety which would in turn allow me continue caring for my family uninhibited.

 

Believe me, it could be worse.

 

I'm already dead.

 

It was sertraline (zoloft) and pfizer that screwed me.

[celexahell]

Hi Celexahell,

 

I don't know if you read my thread but believe me it could be worse. In no way am I trying to belittle your awful reaction to celexa, I'm sorry you're having to deal with these unforgivable side effects.

 

I seem to have developed the polar opposite to what you're presently experiencing. My junk is permanently sensitive, I feel continual physical arousal and pain and yet I have zero libido, nor is it ever accompanied by an erection. It's impossible to concentrate, can't watch television, read a book or have relations with my beautiful wife. I am riddled with guilt as I have had to leave my heavily pregnant wife and two little girls, take yet another leave of absence from work and move home with my parents for fear of taking my own life.

 

I don't want to die, I don't want to leave my family grieving.

 

It's unfair I feel to call it suicide because that would suggest it was a choice I made to take my own life.

 

My life was taken from me, I wonder how god looks upon suicide under these circumstances.

 

I have now reinstated yet another ssri with the hope that it will somehow correct my physical discontonuation symptoms in the interim period. Crazy I know but I'm desperate and I can't see how things can get any worse.

 

I pray that I'll get some relief. I'm a good husband and a good father, my reason for taking antidepressants was to help with anxiety which would in turn allow me continue caring for my family uninhibited.

 

Believe me, it could be worse.

 

I'm already dead.

 

It was sertraline (zoloft) and pfizer that screwed me.

Hi Broken,

 

I'm sorry that you are going through hell on earth too. This seriously makes no sense. It's like my brain is fried. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.

 

Thanks for reaching out.

[celexahell]

Literally nothing is the same.

 

I don't feel the same. Think the same. Talk the same. Look the same. Sexuality destroyed. Energy destroyed. Digestion destroyed. Appetite destroyed. ... I am a pathetic shadow of my former self.

 

It breaks my heart to be around my family or my sweet lady and know my feelings aren't as strong as they used to be -- as they should be.

 

Even more heartbreaking is the thought that I want to die, and wondering what their world will be like with me gone.

[alex]

Even more heartbreaking is the thought that I want to die, and wondering what their world will be like with me gone.

 

Life goes on;the world will be the same... and you will never know if you were going to be ok, like many others, and maybe sooner...

Heartbreaking indeed.

[celexahell]

 

 

Even more heartbreaking is the thought that I want to die, and wondering what their world will be like with me gone.

Life goes on;the world will be the same... and you will never know if you were going to be ok, like many others, and maybe sooner...

Heartbreaking indeed.

Well, the world won't be the same. I know it would ruin the lives of my family members. I am basically living just so I won't ruin them, unfortunately.

 

I really wish I could just wake up from this. I can't believe how stupid I was in April. I can't believe I didn't seem natural options. I feel like maybe this is a fate propelled upon me for some wrongdoings in my past..... punishment....

[Muddles]

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

[celexahell]

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

 

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

[celexahell]

I've decided that if I don't get better in a year or so I'm going to take my life. It's impossible to "live" like this.

[WinningThrough]

CH, I think so many of us have the exact same thoughts and feelings.

 

I don't know if this helps..I know someone who was really sick from zoloft. She lived in constant fear and had so many symptoms. She was wondering if she was going to make it. She is now having major windows and is feeling normal in them. I know others who are miles better now than they were in early withdrawal too.

 

In a years time, you could be miles better than you are now.

[celexahell]

CH, I think so many of us have the exact same thoughts and feelings.

 

I don't know if this helps..I know someone who was really sick from zoloft. She lived in constant fear and had so many symptoms. She was wondering if she was going to make it. She is now having major windows and is feeling normal in them. I know others who are miles better now than they were in early withdrawal too.

 

In a years time, you could be miles better than you are now.

It just isn't right. There's so much life to live but here I am in bed again. A familiar scene as of late.

[Muddles]

What if you recovered at the 13th month mark though?

[Muddles]

Are you in the UK?

[celexahell]

That's a nice thought. I wish I could know that I'd be back to normal again one day.

 

I'm not in the UK (Boston area) although my girlfriend is British. Maybe she's rubbing off on me.....

[alex]

 

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

 

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

 

 

I have been dealing with severe w/d from 4+ use of Effexor for 2 years now;I am a 60 yrs man...After horrendous 18 months I am starting to have clear windows..

How long have you been suffering?

 Few weeks??

Unfortunely there is no quick fix for this.

We wouldn't be here.

[celexahell]

 

 

 

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

I have been dealing with severe w/d from 4+ use of Effexor for 2 years now;I am a 60 yrs man...After horrendous 18 months I am starting to have clear windows..

How long have you been suffering?

Few weeks??

Unfortunely there is no quick fix for this.

We wouldn't be here.

Actually I've been suffering for about three months now. Withdrawal sounds preferable to this apparent adverse reaction I've had. My personality is shot, my sexuality is shot, my emotions are shot, my memories are shot. It's not much of a life.

[Muddles]

 

 

 

 

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

I have been dealing with severe w/d from 4+ use of Effexor for 2 years now;I am a 60 yrs man...After horrendous 18 months I am starting to have clear windows..

How long have you been suffering?

Few weeks??

Unfortunely there is no quick fix for this.

We wouldn't be here.

Actually I've been suffering for about three months now. Withdrawal sounds preferable to this apparent adverse reaction I've had. My personality is shot, my sexuality is shot, my emotions are shot, my memories are shot. It's not much of a life.

[btdt]

I am not sure about taper as I was unsuccessful with that.. I have had both reaction and cold turkey... both similar but different I think because they were different drugs the reaction and the cold turkey... there is nothing on you list I have not lived.  I had both in ct and reaction.  I don't know if that helps at all but most things you can have in a reaction you can have in withdrawal from my experience. 

If you lucky and learn about taper there was no such thing years ago when I would have first needed it...no advice on reaction then either. 
Seems the drugs were on the market for years before anything started to come out to the general public about the affects. Paxilprogress is the first withdrawal site I heard of and it started in 2004.  Only 10 years ago these drugs hit market over 30 years ago. 

There is a lag in information and if your not hunting for it because you have already been affected it will not be offered up in normal conversation...unless you happen to run into me at a social event. 

Like any of us actually making a ton of social engagements ha!

Whatever about that it can happen in withdrawal cold turkey and in reaction... as for what happens in taper you have to ask those who have managed to be successful in taper I failed it. 

peace B

[dalsaan]

 

 

 

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

I have been dealing with severe w/d from 4+ use of Effexor for 2 years now;I am a 60 yrs man...After horrendous 18 months I am starting to have clear windows..

How long have you been suffering?

Few weeks??

Unfortunely there is no quick fix for this.

We wouldn't be here.

Actually I've been suffering for about three months now. Withdrawal sounds preferable to this apparent adverse reaction I've had. My personality is shot, my sexuality is shot, my emotions are shot, my memories are shot. It's not much of a life.

Please try not to be so self absorbed that you are dismissive of others experience. Your engagements on the forum so far has been very self orientated with little by way of support or reaching out to others. This means you have no idea of the withdrawal struggles others have gone through, even those who have reached out to you despite experiencing extreme suffering themselves.

[celexahell]

 

 

 

 

Urgh - I'm sorry guys. Same boat here I'm afraid. Just want someone to be take responsibility for this crime.

That wouldn't even be enough. The only life I'll ever get has been ruined. That's unforgivable. My vibrant self is gone. My sexual mind is gone. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this

I have been dealing with severe w/d from 4+ use of Effexor for 2 years now;I am a 60 yrs man...After horrendous 18 months I am starting to have clear windows..

How long have you been suffering?

Few weeks??

Unfortunely there is no quick fix for this.

We wouldn't be here.

Actually I've been suffering for about three months now. Withdrawal sounds preferable to this apparent adverse reaction I've had. My personality is shot, my sexuality is shot, my emotions are shot, my memories are shot. It's not much of a life.

Please try not to be so self absorbed that you are dismissive of others experience. Your engagements on the forum so far has been very self orientated with little by way of support or reaching out to others. This means you have no idea of the withdrawal struggles others have gone through, even those who have reached out to you despite experiencing extreme suffering themselves.

You're right. I apologize. I don't know what alex has been through. I used to be a lot more empathic. At the risk of sounding like a smart ass, my behavior here is a direct result of the drugs.

[celexahell]

Had a job interview earlier and truly felt mentally retarded and completely weird and disjointed, even talking about subjects I'm entirely comfortable with (high tech).

[btdt]

I will say that is a normal thing for those of us going thru this abnormal experience. I know that does not help but hopefully it will go away too. 

peace

[Petunia]

 

 I don't know what alex has been through. I used to be a lot more empathic. At the risk of sounding like a smart ass, my behavior here is a direct result of the drugs.

 

 

No, you are choosing how you behave, you can't blame that on the drugs.  A person doesn't have to feel empathy in order to behave in an empathic manner.  Many of us here have temporarily lost our natural human emotions, but we continue to do our best to function in the world and in our relationships by behaving the way we want to behave.

 

I don't know if you were capable of empathy before your adverse drug reaction or not, but everyone has the choice to behave in an empathic manner, even if you have to learn that behavior and practice it. 

[celexahell]

 

 

I don't know what alex has been through. I used to be a lot more empathic. At the risk of sounding like a smart ass, my behavior here is a direct result of the drugs.

 

No, you are choosing how you behave, you can't blame that on the drugs. A person doesn't have to feel empathy in order to behave in an empathic manner. Many of us here have temporarily lost our natural human emotions, but we continue to do our best to function in the world and in our relationships by behaving the way we want to behave.

 

I don't know if you were capable of empathy before your adverse drug reaction or not, but everyone has the choice to behave in an empathic manner, even if you have to learn that behavior and practice it.

I was absolutely capable of empathy and intense emotions, probably more than the average person. I have dreams now that I get a drink at the bar with my "old self" and I am jealous that I am not that person anymore.

 

Early on when I initially took the poison I had a nightmare that I went in the bathroom and in the mirror saw a skull looking back at me instead of my normal face. And at that moment I knew my soul was deleted.

[Petunia]

 

 I went in the bathroom and in the mirror saw a skull looking back at me instead of my normal face. And at that moment I knew my soul was deleted.

 

... and now you have a choice.  Do you behave as a person without a soul, or do you consciously choose to act like a complete human being in hopes of luring your soul back where it belongs?

[celexahell]

 

 

I went in the bathroom and in the mirror saw a skull looking back at me instead of my normal face. And at that moment I knew my soul was deleted.

 

... and now you have a choice. Do you behave as a person without a soul, or do you consciously choose to act like a complete human being in hopes of luring your soul back where it belongs?

Having empathy shouldn't be a concious choice, it should be inherent and innate. Being doomed to a perfunctory existence doesn't sound like much of a life to me. I just want my old soul back.

[dalsaan]

Well until it becomes inherent again, have a go at the conscious choice and perhaps think about the ways you can make a positive contribution to the community.

 

Dalsaan

[celexahell]

I have to wonder, what about psychedelics such as magic mushrooms? Would it be possible that they could "reboot" the brain to a more favorable state where emotions and sexuality exist once again?

[Muddles]

Don't go there CH. you may just end up tripping 24/7 for the rest of your life.

 

I have heard of that happening.

[celexahell]

Don't go there CH. you may just end up tripping 24/7 for the rest of your life.

 

I have heard of that happening.

 

That's why I avoided them my entire life. Little did I know when I tried the poison known as Citalopram, that pssd existed. So now I may be screwed for the rest of my life with absent sex drive and other sexual problems.

 

If I got a psychadelic disorder I probably wouldn't even care. My life is basically over as it is. I wonder if anyone has tried this before...

[Muddles]

CH - I dabbled with drugs as a troubled teenager and believe me, nothing effected me the way Citalopram or mirtazapine has.

 

Not advocating street drugs at all...I was stupid, but just proves how dangerous this crap is.

 

Our aim to to spread the word...make people aware. Everyone should know the risks involved before making choices on what mind altering drugs they take.

 

That's what we have to do.