celexahell: Has Citalopram destroyed me in one week? Is this even possible?

[celexahell]

CH - I dabbled with drugs as a troubled teenager and believe me, nothing effected me the way Citalopram or mirtazapine has.

 

Not advocating street drugs at all...I was stupid, but just proves how dangerous this crap is.

 

Our aim to to spread the word...make people aware. Everyone should know the risks involved before making choices on what mind altering drugs they take.

 

That's what we have to do.

How the hell weren't we aware? That's what I don't get. It's like this is somehow some big secret. But whenever I tell anyone how these drugs ruined my personality and sex drive they look at me and tell me how it's common knowledge. I used to consider myself well-researched and analytical but I guess the dangers of these poisons escaped me.

 

I even read the wiki before taking it but my anxiety was so sky high and I had my family worried and begging me to take it... well, it's not their life they ruined, it's mine. But I know if I take my life, their life will be destroyed. It's a terrible, terrifying place to be, and every single facet of my life has been downgraded or essentially destroyed due to this ordeal.

 

There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't contemplate killing myself, that's for sure. I would have done it already were it not for my family and knowing what it would do to them.

[btdt]

 

CH - I dabbled with drugs as a troubled teenager and believe me, nothing effected me the way Citalopram or mirtazapine has.

 

Not advocating street drugs at all...I was stupid, but just proves how dangerous this crap is.

 

Our aim to to spread the word...make people aware. Everyone should know the risks involved before making choices on what mind altering drugs they take.

 

That's what we have to do.

How the hell weren't we aware? That's what I don't get. It's like this is somehow some big secret. But whenever I tell anyone how these drugs ruined my personality and sex drive they look at me and tell me how it's common knowledge. I used to consider myself well-researched and analytical but I guess the dangers of these poisons escaped me.

 

I even read the wiki before taking it but my anxiety was so sky high and I had my family worried and begging me to take it... well, it's not their life they ruined, it's mine. But I know if I take my life, their life will be destroyed. It's a terrible, terrifying place to be, and every single facet of my life has been downgraded or essentially destroyed due to this ordeal.

 

There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't contemplate killing myself, that's for sure. I would have done it already were it not for my family and knowing what it would do to them.

 

First of all I hope you continue to stick around whatever the reason I hope you live and I hope you heal quickly ...some people actually do. 

 

I would like to address this part of your post... which is more uncommon to my haggled ear...

 

" It's like this is somehow some big secret. But whenever I tell anyone how these drugs ruined my personality and sex drive they look at me and tell me how it's common knowledge."

 

REALLY?! 

People knew?  Do you think they were just acting like know it alls or they really heard of this before?  I have never talked to anyone in real life who knew this... who even suspected it... nothing.  

If this is true and real it makes me happy... that some people know I wonder how they found out.  I have to think it was a loved one who took the drug and they watched the fallout... how many people did you tell??? they all said this?  

That blows my mind. I swear I did not hear a word of this till I was on the drugs 18 years and 8 months into cold turkey for you to hear this so quickly... is in my small world an amazing thing.  

Any time I mention these drugs in the general public nobody agrees with me not ever not yet it has not happened and usually starts a fight with somebody in the room who swears ssri saved their life or the life of a loved one ect ect ect. 

yes they are usually short term users...but still 

not worth mentioning it just to fight about it how I have started to feel maybe I need to move to where you live... to find some conversation on the subject. 

To me this is amazing still I suspect they didn't know and are just saying they did ...how would they know??? If it happens again call them on it and ask them how they found out..please I am dying to know. 

I hope this day brings you some peace 

[celexahell]

I think slowly it is becoming more mainstream knowledge but clearly but enough.

 

I seriously forgot my old life. I used to have so much energy and curiosity in the world around me. Now it's tempting to die every chance I get.

[btdt]

I think slowly it is becoming more mainstream knowledge but clearly but enough.

 

I seriously forgot my old life. I used to have so much energy and curiosity in the world around me. Now it's tempting to die every chance I get.

I still think they are not telling the truth... sorry I just don't buy they are pretending to be know it alls I wonder why it does not help you any... where is you drug history?  

 

How could you possibly forget your old life so quickly ... I know this is has been short so far... I get not feeling it or feeling part of it but the actual memory of you life... surely you have not forgotten that.  

 

Have you cooked a meal yet?

[Altostrata]

celexahell, I'm very concerned that you might be blocking your healing by posting so often here about the loss of your manhood. It's like picking at a scab.

 

I urge you to spend more time in the real world building relationships and doing things that are good for you and others.

 

I feel I need to break this cycle of excessive negative rumination here. I am going to put your posts under review. That means there will be a delay between the time you post and when it's published, until an admin or moderator approves it.

 

Depending on how busy we are, there may be a delay of as much as a day or two before your posts are published. In the meantime, please do take care of yourself -- take walks, play with pets, read good books, eat good food, think good thoughts about how you will gradually heal.

[schizor]

Why would you do this Alostrata? He is posting so frequently because he is very frustrated, does that interfere with anything in this forum? Do you think puting his under review will help him in some way? I dont understand why are you doing this.

[Altostrata]

schizor, often talking about frustration builds frustration. This is not good for the healing of the nervous system. celexahell might find changing the channel from time to time enables him to help himself feel better.

[celexahell]

I have some additional info that I want to add.

 

Back in February, when my problems initially started, I characterized it as a severe anxiety / mental breakdown episode.

 

But in early February, I made the mistake of inviting an absolutely nutjob/psychopathic woman to my apartment, specifically for sex. I said a few things that she didn't like - I mentioned my ex, for example. She made a huge deal of it and started crying and yelling ... she also drank and entire bottle of wine. I was very close to calling the cops... in fact I wish I did.

 

I should also mention she was depressed - on disability for depression.

 

I let her stay the night and I thought things had settled down. In the morning I remember she had insisted I take a shower. I wish I didn't.

 

I have a suspicion that she poisoned / laced my drinks / food with antidepressants or some other toxic drug of some kind.

 

Fast forward two weeks after that night, I reunited with my ex which this nutjob lady had caused drama with by sending her Facebook messages (yes, she's truly a dumb c--t). When I had sex with her for the first time again I remember I didn't get as hard as fast, which I attributed to anxiety. I also remember prior to seeing her that day I went to the grocery store and felt what I can only describe as depersonalization and a disconnected feeling.

 

Fast forward another week, we got in a huge argument on the phone, about that psychopathic c--t. I remember during the argument there was a point where I felt I had lost my emotonal range. The next day I woke up, I felt as if I had zero energy and I had severe anxiety. I eventually went to the doctor and they said my testosterone had dropped to critically low levels, 161. Keep in mind I'm only in my 20s and have never had hormone or sexual problems.

 

Throughout the rest of February and earlyrics March I had intense panic attacks, insomnia, had to take about a week off from work, had intense paranoia that I contracted a serious disease, was unable to perform sexually once (could not get hard), etc.

 

After a month or so I started bouncing back and the testosterone came back and sex was good again, but not like it was before.

 

We broke up abruptly in April and that's when I tried Citalopram.

 

Is this theory insane or could it be possible that I had already been exposed to antidepressants against my own will and then when trying one, that caused a bad reaction?

 

It sounds crazy, but I even had an endocrinologist tell me she had never seen testosterone levels that low in someone my age other than people messing with steroids for example.

 

I'm just continually devastated this has happened. I had an incredible weekend with my girlfriend including nature stuff, good restaurants, ice cream, and sex. I just want my zest for life back....

[helpless]

My entire life has been destroyed from mirtazapin that i took for 6 months, i have the same symptoms that you descripe + i even lost my inner monologe and my mind, my head is COMPLETLY empty, no fantasy, no anything, and i once used to be very creative person and deep thinker, now i can't think about anything anymore, i can't plan, can't do my job, lost everything, can't love, never angry, scared or anything, it like i'm not even existing anymore, it's over an year now in that condition and it looks like it gets worse, day by day. I'm thinking about suicide daily, but not even that scares me, i would not care if i had cancer or something, that is ******* SICK! They made some kind of creature out of me! I wish the worst death possible to every psychiatriest in this world and that ******* useless pharma industrie!

 

They raped my brain, stole my soul and my spirit, only my body is left, that i'm not even able to feel!