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Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

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ProzacNation
Posted (edited)

Let me start off with this:

 

My wife began exhibiting personality changes after beginning Prozac that truly concerned me that she may be bi-polar. If not for this site, and for all of you users out there sharing your experiences, my wife would be another soul lost to the world of psych "meds". From the bottom of my heart, thank you all who have shared all of the gory details of your experiences so that those of us lost in the chaos could someday stumble upon these threads and finally have that "Aha" moment while reading you explain EXACTLY what we've been going through. Word for word. You are all heroes, and I don't mean that lightly. You're saving lives, and marriages, and offering support to those who can't find it elsewhere.

 

My story:

 

My wife and I have been together for 8 years. We have always been the couple that drives others crazy, the kind that has so much chemistry it is often felt by other people. We've had less than a handful of arguments, and have ALWAYS been each others number 1. We have so much respect for each other, and trust, and love, and adoration. From the day we met, we just clicked. Well, unfortunately for my poor wife she had some heartbreaking events take place in her childhood that have created some anxiety issues in the adult years. Over the last four or five years the anxiety has steadily worsened.

  

Last year it had progressed to the point that her anxiety and symptoms were basically the topic of 80% of our discussions. I was finally able to talk her into seeing a psychiatrist in hopes that she would be able to receive coping tips for her past experiences and current anxiety. What a horror this has turned out to be. In her first appointment she was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and was prescribed 10 mg of Prozac for anxiety, and Trazadone for the "panic attacks" the doctor was "certain" my wife was having in her sleep (She had come to this conclusion because my wife told the doctor that she liked to take naps. Obviously, that meant she's in an absolute panic every night while sleeping and therefore required to take naps to make up for the lost sleep.) When my wife came home and told me what the doctor had explained to her, I remember discussing that the medication and "night terrors" sounded pretty extreme in comparison to the symptoms she was actually exhibiting. She agreed, and expressed her concerns about taking a medication like Prozac, but with it being a low dose said it would be worth giving it a shot. If she didn't like it, she would stop and try something different. After two weeks, she was asked to return for a 15 minute "check-up" appointment, at which time the doctor prescribed her an additional 90-day supply because all was fine at that point. Or so I thought.

 

At this time, we were living on the east coast and were moving to a new state in a few months. I had a bit of traveling to do for work during that gap, so she decided to come home to Texas and visit with family and friends. Her sister was also living on the west coast, and had also decided she was moving back to Texas at the same time. My wife was so excited to spend as much time with her niece and nephew as possible, and I was excited for her. For the two months I was traveling, I was back and forth to Texas in between trips. My wife had seemed herself during this time, but we had an argument that didn't make since to me, and really kind of escalated more than was necessary. But, we'd had a lot going on and I chalked it up to stress from being out of her natural routine. No big deal. Over the course of the next couple of months (March and April), this happened a few more times. She also kept making some pretty disparaging remarks towards me, that were so out of character for her I just didn't understand what was going on. Her sister, we learned, is an alcoholic. Literally, drinks all day long. Then, once drunk, digs up all of her memories of her childhood. I assumed my wifes behavior was related with having to relive her memories on a pretty regular basis while consoling her sister, so I had quite a bit of patience for her behavior. Plus, it was just so out of character for such a sweet and loving person that I knew something really had to be bothering her to take it out on me. In April we went on a family cruise, and had a blast. Reconnected. All was right in the world. Her lobido completely disappeared after this.

 

In May, things progressed. Her little jabs became downright hateful, and weren't as sparratic as before. I would be emotional about it, and she would just be annoyed by that. When hanging out with friends and having a couple of drinks, she would be just a little more energetic then usual. We started to have friction about the amount of money she was spending, and about the fact that she continuously wanted to go to a bar. I'm all about having a good time, but that's not a lifestyle either of us have lived since our teen years and had no care to revisit those days. By June, she suddenly became someone who liked to take shots and "have an adventure", and therefore became a "yes man" anytime someone wanted to make plans. It did not matter to her what those plans were. She had decided she was not leaving Texas to move to another state, and instead was going to go back to college. (Honestly, I was okay with this part. We've traveled for years for my work, and I always told her that when she was ready to be home, that's where we would be. No questions asked. Our family and friends are mostly in Houston, so I didn't oppose, I just needed to change my career path to find something here instead.) She, however, was not happy when I agreed to stay and kept telling me to go back to work out of town so she could get an apartment with her sister. Which, was odd. Every now and again, she loved me and was herself. Every now again, it felt like she hated me. Majority of the time, she just seemed distant, or kind of checked out. She said she thought it was because we weren't spending much time together, and that would all change once we moved to the side of town her sister was at, because for the last few months she had been spending about 4-5 nights a week at her sisters to help with the kids and spend time with them. Once that happened, she thought everything would line out with her behavior. I had found out that she was not not taking her medication regularly, and instead was trying to use it when she had anxiety. I, of course, thought her odd behavior was when she wasn't taking the medicine and I brought it up to her. I said she was much more moody and distant, and she said I was crazy. Prozac altered her mood in NO way whatsoever.

 

This is when things spiraled out of control at a much quicker pace. I know this is already lengthy, but I'm going to be very specific about the timeline because that is the only details hard to find on this site. Specific timelines (I'm sure it's because those medicated are writing based upon reflections, and spouses just saw gradual progression like I did at the beginning, so I get it. Fortunately, because of this site, I had a calendar and began tracking my wife and her behaviors. I highly recommend this to all spouses to track changes.) Early June had gotten a little better. She was a little distant on some days, but had otherwise seemed to be back to herself. Excited about staying in Texas, ready to talk about having kids again, loved me like she had before. June 12th, I saw an odd charge on our bank statement. It was under $10 so I didn't care about it, I just wanted to make sure it was her that made the purchase (my identity has been stolen twice).  She was "DONE" dealing with my need to control her, and she was tired of being "smothered". I thought, "Holy ****, I'm smothering you? Oh God." When she said that, I felt so bad for texting her about it because the text did seem very abrupt when I read back on it. I apologized and explained the miscommunication, and she just kept berating me. After work, I called her and explained that the back and forth texting was just being misconstrued and though she ended the conversation more irritated than usual, we talked it out. I told her that the smothering comment really bothered me, so I was going to give her some space to kind of work through things. She said it was unnecessary, and we continued on as usual.

 

June 15: We had a birthday party for her niece, and she couldn't love me more. Very affectionate, very loving. I was in heaven.

 

June 16: We move to the other side of town, something we were both excited about. During this week, she stayed up a little later than usual, but I figured it was normal since she had kind of had an adjusted schedule for the last several months hanging out with the kids during summer and all. What was weird, is that when she stayed up she would sit outside for hours at a time. Alone.

 

June 22-28th: Kinda sweet. Also, kind of distant. Definite insomnia. She had started a new job and was now waking up at 5 am, and staying up until 1 am and repeating every day. I knew at this point that's what it was. That weekend I had planned a quick trip with a mutual friend to kayak and hike, and she decided she wanted to join.

 

June 29: We hiked. basically separately, and mostly in silence. She cannot stand to be near me. I leaned in to give her a kiss and she asked me why I was "being needy", while literally gritting her teeth. We played a couple of games while drinking as a group, which I definitely needed at this point. Later, she had a full blown hypomanic episode followed by a panic attack. Our friend and I calm her down and discuss the effect Prozac is having on her because shes not taking it regularly, and because she shouldn't be drinking on it. Idiots.

 

June 30: We were site seeing around town when our friend needs to use the bathroom and can only find a public restroom at a bar that requires you to buy a shot or drink to get in. My wife jumps at the opportunity. The next few hours is spent following her from bar to bar. Finally, after watching this woman who I could no longer recognize interact with people in a way I had never seen before, I myself have a panic attack on the side of the street in Austin and SHE IS PISSED that I am ruining her good time and just keeps telling me I need to go back in the bar. Our friend convinces her its time to go, and she does not really speak to me until July 3.

 

July 3: We go to the lake with some family to have a fun weekend on the boat and as soon as we pulled into the campground, I got the speech. "I don't love you. I haven't loved you in a long time, but I don't know when it stopped. I feel like we're roomates." No tears, barely any emotion. But a few things caught my attention during this speech. She said, "I feel like I've lost myself. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not you, not hanging out with friends, or family. I need a break from us to find myself." And then she went home the next day to isolate herself, and I spent the weekend at the lake reflecting on the last several months. Then, I started googling her symptoms.

 

July 4-17: She did not come home but maybe 1 night a week. She wouldn't talk to me when she came home to get clothes and shower. She could not get far enough away from me. If i made the mistake of asking her how her day was, it was like talking to a demon. Our 8th anniversary was on the 9th, and we spent it separated. If she stayed at home, she stayed on the far edge of the bed like she was literally in pain if my leg grazed her while rolling over. I was trying to give her time to let the medicine line out since she had just gotten back on it regularly and she just kept saying she needed space.

 

July 12: She again says she just needs time "Alone" with no on else around. She books a hotel and leaves the house. The next day she came by to get things and said she felt a little better after "sitting in silence" for hours. This was very very strange for this social butterfly. Then, I found this website and started reading everyone else telling my story, and it clicked.

 

July 17: She wants a divorce, she's moving out to find herself and needs at least 9-12 months with no contact with me or anyone else. She wants to be alone with no one else around.

 

July 19: Her medicine "disappears". I know, I know. I read how hard CT is from all of you, but she was scaring the hell out of me. She hadn't taken the medication regularly for months, so I hoped that would help in her recovery. I was probably wrong. I had no idea at the time that I could just take jewels out of the capsule to reduce the dose without them looking like they were tampered with, or I would have done that, but it's too late.

 

July 20-25- Shes still pretty agitated all the time, and complains of a headache, but not as hateful. I ask her if she'd like to have dinner and she says it's "too much like a date" and doesn't want to.

 

July 26- She says she has applied and been approved for an apartment, but her mood is improving.

 

July 27- I was going to a music festival and she smiled and said, "I hope you have fun!". Her agitated state completely ends after this day. Even in her text messages from now on, she's back to using exclamation points and emojis, which is totally her, but they had all disappeared in the last few months. Just monotone responses… unless she was angry.

 

July 28- She suddenly realizes that she likes our dog again. (She has always been obsessed with him, but had even cut him off in recent months)

 

July 31- She asked me to go grab a bite to eat with her. It was quick, but it was HER idea.

 

August 8- She comes home from work, and she's happy. She's herself. I savor every little touch of the arm and moment of closeness. She asks me to run errands and go have dinner with her. We had a pretty great evening but I leave this physical touches to her and mimicked her mood (thanks for the tip).

 

August 12- A close mutual friends mom passed away suddenly and I went to the funeral. She doesn't feel enough sympathy to be there for him, but checks on me later to see how everyone was. This is the first sign of empathy in weeks.

 

August 13- She tells me how happy she is that I can still be her "best friend" and we even joke a little about how great parents we would be together (something we've always been excited about), and she says she just needs to find her independence and get herself together if we're ever to have hope. I take that as a win 😉 and leave it be.

 

August 15- She moves in to her new apartment with my help. She's happy that I can still be her "best friend", I hang out for a little bit, and when I leave she hugs me goodbye.

 

August 19- She's been texting through the weekend, but decided to call me on my lunch break to see how I was doing. Confirms she's not in love with me, but I ask her to just keep her mind open to the possibility that we can make it through this, and for the first time she doesn't argue it.

 

August 21- She agrees to go to a concert in a couple of weeks with my sister (who was previously her best friend, but she has completely avoided and ignored for weeks) and my mom.

 

August 22- She wants to have dinner again.

 

Again, I know it's detailed, but I hope someone out there can find comfort in knowing an exact timeline, cause I definitely needed one. Currently, I'm still the best friend. That's all I can be. I hope and pray for things to continue to progress, and for now that's all I can do. Can anyone confirm that my hopes aren't dumbfounded? I feel like we're heading in the right direction, but I don't want to have my hopes up to end in epic failure. Yesterday makes 5 weeks since she has stopped taking Prozac, and I can't help but be concerned that of all people to lose their romantic emotions for their spouse altogether, my wife would be the one. I'm trying to be as patient as possible, and I let her reach out to me and then mimmick her mood as suggested. I have gently brought up side effects she was exhibiting while on Prozac a couple of times, and though she doesn't agree that she had any, I know she hears me know vs before and I just wish she could see it. What else can I do to help her while we are living separately?

Edited by ChessieCat
removed triggering comment

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ProzacNation

My apologies for the numerous spelling errors. I've been holding this in for months and I just couldn't type fast enough to get it all off my chest! As you all know, outside of these forums, no one else understands.

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

No problem ProzacNation.  And welcome aboard.

I think this is a good place for your introduction regarding your loved one.  I think you'll find a lot of understanding, and support, for the changes seen in your wife that may well be due to Prozac.

 

And okay.  I see that she has CTed about a month ago.

Is she open to support and/or information on tapering or withdrawal now?  And would she post herself on the Introduction page?

 

Thank you. 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

And editing to add, that I have approved and gotten you started on the main Introduction forum too.  Here is her Introduction, so far.  I think until she posts herself, there.  We might be better off sharing information with you, right here, for now.  And others may share some of their experiences and information, as well.

All for now. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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ProzacNation
16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

No problem ProzacNation.  And welcome aboard.

I think this is a good place for your introduction regarding your loved one.  I think you'll find a lot of understanding, and support, for the changes seen in your wife that may well be due to Prozac.

 

And okay.  I see that she has CTed about a month ago.

Is she open to support and/or information on tapering or withdrawal now?  And would she post herself on the Introduction page?

 

Thank you. 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your response!

Currently, she is not even really open to the idea that Prozac has altered her behavior in anyway. I have printed a few stories from her from both users and spouses that were pretty similar to what we've been experiencing, as well as the slow progression of SSRIs effects, and she still has yet to read it. She continues to say she "felt more alive than ever" while taking the medicine. I am very cautious in how I approach her previous symptoms in discussion now, vs when I was in panic mode trying to figure out what was wrong with her (which basically consisted of me searching all over the internet for adverse side effects and sending hers screenshots saying "this is probably why you don't feel like yourself, and your lobido is low, and emotions are flat. It's a real possibility."). I don't put pressure on it anymore. Last week i casually brought up side effects from medication that people don't usually consider to be from medicine, and she kind of laughed and said something along the lines of "that may be true, but I still didn't have all of the side effects that you think I did". I guess I'm still waiting for that moment of clarity for her to reflect on the things she's done to really be able to see. I'm really fortunate that infidelity wasn't a factor in our case, that I know of, due to her low sex drive. I attribute this to not taking it regularly, because I definitely don't trust the person she could have been taking it full time. However in the doses she did take, her inhibitions, empathy, emotions, creativity, and loving personality were gone and replaced with D/P, hypomania, excessive drinking, isolation, paranoia and severe agitation. She had gotten to a very dark place, very quickly, and I was truly very scared for her when she started taking it daily again.

 

I guess to answer your question: I have mentioned this forum, but she has little interest for now. I wish she was open, because she's usually a very open minded person who hates taking medication even for headaches, but right now she's stuck on the memories of how much fun she was having. I have also mentioned to her how much happier she seems (because she really is) and how much she seems more like herself recently, and she doesn't see that either. She says her mood has not changed at all since being off Prozac. I wasn't sure if there was any advice on what to do in the meantime that might open her up to the idea of at least reading others experiences.

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ProzacNation

It appears my wife is now in a wave. She's back to being short and pretty agitated, and I think has a bit of anxiety. I tried to explain the windows and waves, but she doesn't believe Prozac can have anything to do with how she feels.

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Mermaid17
2 hours ago, ProzacNation said:

It appears my wife is now in a wave. She's back to being short and pretty agitated, and I think has a bit of anxiety. I tried to explain the windows and waves, but she doesn't believe Prozac can have anything to do with how she feels.

I have been meaning to respond to you since you first posted - so much of your story (thank you for being so detailed) resonates with my own nightmare. 

A few things first: it's wonderful that she was only medicated a short time. You're seeing windows very early on, and that's fantastic. Since she was only medicated a short while, the recovery will be much faster. Also, after three years of researching this hellish phenomenon, I believe Prozac, of all the drugs, is among the least damaging. The newer generation SSRIs are FAR more potent. My husband, the love of my life, has been basically on all of them, and he managed to function within our marriage despite being numbed, in retrospect, while on Prozac . . . when he graduated to Lexapro, etc., it was a whole different thing. If she showed recovery, which she has, it means she is ON HER WAY. But since she stopped CT, cold turkey, it will be a while before things level out for her. Root yourself down into these truths, and more importantly root yourself into your knowing of her, and your love. It's the only way. The waves will try ton convince you she's lost, or that she's now THIS person, this monster who might appear relatively normal to everyone else but a completely different person towards YOU. This is how the drug works. It obliterates their connections to their romantic partner the MOST. It's especially brutal with old, established love. The kind of love that might no longer thrill in that new, but more shallow kind of way, but lives more deeply and completely within us. It kills the best kind of love. I am so, so sorry you're going through this. I will write more later . . . I just loved how thorough you were. It helps me feel SANE when I read the nuanced details others report. My husband left me 3 years ago within weeks of the birth of our third baby. He was medicated 25 years and is now on a low dose of Lexapro, but he tapered way too quickly. It's been hell. My kids suffer, and I pray every moment for his healing. I've seen him coming back, but right this moment he's in a wave as well and it's awful. But I have been told every day by God he's coming home . . . more on that later. Feel free to message me. Sending big hugs your way, and healing prayers. I'll write more later on practical ways to cope . . . 

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ProzacNation
2 hours ago, Mermaid17 said:

I have been meaning to respond to you since you first posted - so much of your story (thank you for being so detailed) resonates with my own nightmare. 

 

I have been following your story, and I have read almost all of your posts on all of the threads. You have been one of my biggest inspirations during this, and I can't thank you enough. Reading experiences from other people is the only reason I have not fallen apart. I knew something was wrong, I knew this wasn't her, I just couldn't figure out why until I saw this forum last month.

 

I HOPE that because she took it so spiratically for the majority of the time she was on it, that will help her recovery significantly. However, I also worry that she made it harder on herself because she was trying to take the Prozac for anxiety like you would Tylenol for a headache. She felt anxious, so she took a dose. Her brain tried to recover and a few days later she would get anxious as a withdrawal, and would take a dose. And the cycle just continued as her hypomanic episodes (I didn't know that's what they were for the first few months) steadily got worse and agitation increased. So, I just don't know what kind of effect the back and forth dosing could have. She's so sensitive to medicine and her emotions, waves have been a serious concern of mine for her. I wish she had a little more time in her window for her own sake. It just makes absolutely no sense how a medication could do this to a person and their emotions, and I can not imagine enduring this with my wife for as long as you have your husband. You've been in my thoughts every day since I read your intro and I truly hope for the recovery of your family as a whole. Please, please keep sharing.

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manymoretodays

Hi PN,

So glad another who has gone through this has responded to you.

I found this post too, that may be of interest, by WakeMeUp,  Common dynamic- how antidepressants destroy relationships  WMU has put together some more information in it.

 

On 8/23/2019 at 9:41 AM, ProzacNation said:

July 19: Her medicine "disappears". I know, I know. I read how hard CT is from all of you, but she was scaring the hell out of me. She hadn't taken the medication regularly for months, so I hoped that would help in her recovery. I was probably wrong. I had no idea at the time that I could just take jewels out of the capsule to reduce the dose without them looking like they were tampered with, or I would have done that, but it's too late.

Did you actually tamper with your wife's medication, PN?  I think that if she's an adult, personally, IMO, that may be crossing a line of trust and all.  I have no idea what the legal implications might be?  I suspect that there might be some, if it comes to awareness.    So you might do better not answering my question at all.

 

I think WMU, the originator of the topic link, posted above, was hit pretty hard too, with the affects of a AD on a relationship and was trying to find a way to help increase awareness, not only among those directly affected or indirectly(as in your case), but by prescribers too.  As a spouse, I don't know if you were able to talk to the prescriber about your observations at all.  Were you?  Able to.

 

I would never suggest tampering with anothers medications, however.......   Unless it's a minor that you are in charge of.   That alone, I think could be grounds for something.  Given that your wife, is an adult and fully functional and capable.  Do you follow?  I just felt I should give this some light, after reading through your diary type observations.

 

Do take care of you too, please, PN. 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

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ProzacNation

Reading the wording, I definitely understand why it would seem that way. That's terrible on my part, and I thank you for asking these questions. I did not tamper with her medicine. It legitimately went missing. We have cleaned the house several times since then and haven't been able to find it. Hence, the "disappearing" comment. I actually thought she had hid them from me because I had brought up her side effects a few times, but based on how her behavior changed afterwards, I legitimately don't think she's on the medication. Though, she was very suspicious of me about the meds being missing, I didn't take them from her. She was quite paranoid about alot in general at this time, so her accusations about me taking them wasn't abnormal. This was around the same time that she was packing and going back and forth between our storage unit, so I truly believe they're somewhere mixed in with things. What I meant by "tampering" was that I didn't know you could take the capsules apart and remove jewels and put the capsule back together and it still be viable or I would have talked to her about trying a lower dosage. I really appreciate you pointing this out so that I could clarify my comment. I'm sorry it came across in that way, that was very poor wording on my part. I guess that's the negative side with holding all of this in for so long, then spewing everything out at once.

 

To answer your question about speaking with her prescriber: I attempted to contact her physician but due to the "Doctor/patient" relationship, she was unwilling to discuss any possible side effects with me.

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ProzacNation

Honestly, now reading over it, that whole paragraph sounds terrible and definitely looks suspicious and not at all how I meant it. @manymoretodays I'm so thankful that you explained your perspective so that I could explain what I meant.

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Mermaid17
5 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi PN,

So glad another who has gone through this has responded to you.

I found this post too, that may be of interest, by WakeMeUp,  Common dynamic- how antidepressants destroy relationships  WMU has put together some more information in it.

 

Did you actually tamper with your wife's medication, PN?  I think that if she's an adult, personally, IMO, that may be crossing a line of trust and all.  I have no idea what the legal implications might be?  I suspect that there might be some, if it comes to awareness.    So you might do better not answering my question at all.

 

I think WMU, the originator of the topic link, posted above, was hit pretty hard too, with the affects of a AD on a relationship and was trying to find a way to help increase awareness, not only among those directly affected or indirectly(as in your case), but by prescribers too.  As a spouse, I don't know if you were able to talk to the prescriber about your observations at all.  Were you?  Able to.

 

I would never suggest tampering with anothers medications, however.......   Unless it's a minor that you are in charge of.   That alone, I think could be grounds for something.  Given that your wife, is an adult and fully functional and capable.  Do you follow?  I just felt I should give this some light, after reading through your diary type observations.

 

Do take care of you too, please, PN. 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

3 hours ago, ProzacNation said:

Honestly, now reading over it, that whole paragraph sounds terrible and definitely looks suspicious and not at all how I meant it. @manymoretodays I'm so thankful that you explained your perspective so that I could explain what I meant.

I just wanted to say that while its obvious one should never tamper with someone else's medication . . . in this case, I do not consider SSRIs to be medication. I consider them to be poison. What they have done to my husband, to our children, to my heart . . . Unconscionable. Would we find it horrifying to slowly titrate an addicted loved on off an opioid? Meth? Even without their consent? I believe that effort would be applauded. I am in no way SUGGESTING we handle it this way, even with SSRIs, but I want to state that these drugs do not function in a medicinal capacity . . . And the effect they have, the way they remove people from their own souls . . . my husband cannot even remember a lot of the last decade, in particular the year he was hypomanic and utterly detached from me. I was pregnant with our third baby most of that time, and he CANNOT REMEMBER IT. And the fact that the prescribers claim to be utterly unaware of the potential harm, and the way they are prohibited from sharing information from those who know their patients best . . . It can indeed seem IMPOSSIBLE to get the drugged loved one off this poison because he or she is often convinced that nothing is wrong, while they are destroying everything, and everyone, they hold dear. So I get it. I know PN didn't do what he might have inadvertently suggested, but the argument that his wife is an adult and is entitled to more respect than that . . . Had he done that he would have been SAVING HER LIFE, or at least trying to. It has nothing to do with respect, because the medicated partner is no longer a fully functional human being. If it were ME, I'd be eternally grateful, after waking up, that my husband did something to get me off the drugs. Many have posted they wish someone had done that for them - often it is too late by the time they wake up on their own terms, and families have been irrevocably destroyed. I think the main concern is that if someone were to do that, to alter one's dose without one's consent, or hide the drugs . . . the main concern is that withdrawal or other physical issues would ensue, and the medicated partner wouldn't know that truth about their bodies should it be relevant to another medical professional. It would be awful should someone be taking say 10 mg. of something, but really only be taking 5, and then have the doctor up the dose to 20 because the patient appeared sicker for no good reason (though we all know holding at a steady dose makes people sicker eventually) thinking that withdrawal was really a sign that the patient needed a higher dose. So no, we should not go about it that way, however reasonable and sane and loving a gesture that might APPEAR to be. 

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Mermaid17
8 hours ago, ProzacNation said:

I have been following your story, and I have read almost all of your posts on all of the threads. You have been one of my biggest inspirations during this, and I can't thank you enough. Reading experiences from other people is the only reason I have not fallen apart. I knew something was wrong, I knew this wasn't her, I just couldn't figure out why until I saw this forum last month.

 

I HOPE that because she took it so spiratically for the majority of the time she was on it, that will help her recovery significantly. However, I also worry that she made it harder on herself because she was trying to take the Prozac for anxiety like you would Tylenol for a headache. She felt anxious, so she took a dose. Her brain tried to recover and a few days later she would get anxious as a withdrawal, and would take a dose. And the cycle just continued as her hypomanic episodes (I didn't know that's what they were for the first few months) steadily got worse and agitation increased. So, I just don't know what kind of effect the back and forth dosing could have. She's so sensitive to medicine and her emotions, waves have been a serious concern of mine for her. I wish she had a little more time in her window for her own sake. It just makes absolutely no sense how a medication could do this to a person and their emotions, and I can not imagine enduring this with my wife for as long as you have your husband. You've been in my thoughts every day since I read your intro and I truly hope for the recovery of your family as a whole. Please, please keep sharing.

ProzacNation - your response to me was exactly what I needed. It helps knowing my efforts might in some way positively influence someone else living this nightmare. A few more thoughts on how to get through this. You might have already read this from me from an earlier post, but I believe we should indeed plant seeds of truth to the medicated loved one even though those efforts will almost certainly appear to fall on deaf ears. It will aggravate her no doubt to be continuously reminded that you believe the drugs have changed her, that the drugs are the reason she no longer is attached to you. So many insist the drugs have NOTHING to do with their changed feelings and develop an emotional amnesia where they honestly believe they never really loved you in the first place. This is hell. But in a way, when my husband said the same horrific things, it served to highlight, beyond a doubt, just how NOT himself he was. It was like hearing him make that preposterous claim that he never really loved me was helpful because it was just SO absurd, it proved everything right there - he was drugged out of his gourd. But in my case, I believe it was that continuous insistence that somehow resulted in his rapid tapering more than two years ago . . . that and HAIR LOSS. Yep, THAT got his attention. Still, I like to believe that even without that, there was some part of his PERSON that also knew the drugs were no good, even if he felt AMAZING in that hypomanic state. He had been telling me for years he hated the drugs, and no one EVER listened to him. He told me 15 years ago that he didn't like taking them, he didn't feel like himself on them, and that he worried he'd have brain damage by 40 if he stayed on them. My God he was right, and I thought he was paranoid and ashamed at needing them . . . I couldn't believe the FDA would approve a drug that could HARM him. So yes, keep telling her, do so as lovingly as you can, and prepare yourself to be told you have no idea what you are talking about and to really piss her off at times . . . We cannot allow the drugged person to call the shots. We cannot let that soulless version of our beloveds convince our fully functioning hearts that they are monsters who simply don't love us anymore. My husband read the SSRI user topix stories and said yes, they were similar to our story, but that the meds had NOTHING to do with his loss of feelings. It was MADDENING. He still gets very irritated if I bring it up, and I do continue to bring it up when I am desperate to see if he can SEE. Desperate to connect with him, to get reassurance he can one again be reasoned with, to feel what he should feel, to understand it all. And every time it ends in him being angry . . . I don't do this often, sometimes a few times in a month, and then it won't happen for months at a time . . . but it's my truth. It's OUR truth, and I cannot abide this excruciating loss without fighting for him, for us, any chance I get. I hope this helps. Again, I believe she is on her way and that she really could be HER again by the end of the year, though everyone is different. I also know that giving up, letting go, moving on, however you want to frame it, but doing that BEFORE you are ready, well that's just going to create even MORE pain. This is why I am still her, three years later. The thought of someone else even touching me brings me to tears. He is alive, I see him every day, and he remains my other half. So I practice long suffering, and pray, and this man who swore it'd be YEARS before he made any efforts to get off the meds is now down to 2.5 mg . . . His WD process has been hell, but I believe enough of him has returned, so to speak, that he can see the drugs for what they are again, even if his bond to me has to be restored. Again, sending prayers your way. 

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Mermaid17 said:

I just wanted to say that while its obvious one should never tamper with someone else's medication . . . in this case, I do not consider SSRIs to be medication. I consider them to be poison. What they have done to my husband, to our children, to my heart . . . Unconscionable. Would we find it horrifying to slowly titrate an addicted loved on off an opioid? Meth? Even without their consent? I believe that effort would be applauded. I am in no way SUGGESTING we handle it this way, even with SSRIs, but I want to state that these drugs do not function in a medicinal capacity . . . And the effect they have, the way they remove people from their own souls . . . my husband cannot even remember a lot of the last decade, in particular the year he was hypomanic and utterly detached from me.

 

Hi Mermaid17,

And I am so sorry for your own and loved ones suffering on account of these medications/drugs.  I think my concern was with, say for example ProzacNations loved one doesn't recover quickly enough, and goes on to file for divorce or something,...........and then brings up that her husband interfered with her medical/mental health treatment.  That just wouldn't be good.  As there just is not enough awareness, as to what has happened with you and yours, and his and his own loved one.

......and here's the thing too, not everyone who takes these pills has the reaction to them that PN's wife and your husband had. 

I hope ProzacNation's wife recovers within a year from her CT too.  It's possible.  Right now though......I think to some degree ProzacNation needs to look after himself too, be cautious and all, while hoping for full recovery of his wife.  That's all I'm saying.  I did not make my reply to add to your wound, believe me.  I was concerned is all.....and PN, clarified.

 

Believe me, I'm on the same page, and apologize if my response added to your trauma.  Unfortunately, many of those who prescribe are legally protected as well as underinformed and unaware of cases like yours.  I hear your continued pain in your responses.  And I wish you well, I do, truly......and so hope that your family recovers from this horrible fiasco.

 

We keep bringing awareness, as we can.  And asking, pleading, for full disclosure to patients from doctors.....as to some of the ineffectiveness, and harms incurred from the meds/drugs.  As well as trying to contribute to the WD world of things.  Get new guidelines in place, etc. 

 

Yet, I have no right to pull anyone, any friend of mine off of meds/drugs without their knowledge, just the same.  I spend my time educating and sharing my own story, when I can.  In reality......it does tend to put those happy on their drugs, sometimes on the defensive too.   Just like I seem to have done with you.

We really do need change in the mental health care system paradigm of today.  Around so many things.  So that you don't have to do this all alone.  With only online folks for support.  Again, my sincere apologies, and so sorry for your and your families ordeal.

 

So, believe me, I know.  Addiction, I believe, is something a bit different, yet with some overlap to the dependencies on these medications/drugs.   And then there are the side effects to these medications and drugs we deal with here, that are often, if behavioral, diagnosed as more mental illness.  It's not right.  I agree.  The overuse of these medications before finding out what might help, what many times is a situational, or trauma induced even, change in a persons behavior or feelings.  Non-drug coping and understanding, should be offered first and foremost before prescriptions for meds.

 

With addiction and street drugs or even prescribed drugs that end up out on the street........I think someone knowingly puts something in their body to get an effect that they find pleasurable, or maybe they find it helpful to be just plain "high" or "zoned out" or "racing around getting things done".    They also know they are doing something illegal, and just often don't care.

And at best, even those drugs, the ones the addicts use......should probably be tapered off for best result.  We don't deal with addictions here though. 

 

In anycase.  We deal with AD's and other psychotropics (prescribed).  And harm reduction, tapering, and WD.

 

So glad that you have come on to support ProzacNation now too.  Thank you.  Best of intentions for you all.

 

Best,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays
changed color of some of text, additional

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

ProzacNation,

Thank you for clarifying.  No, not terrible.  You are doing the best you can under the circumstances.  And yes, Doctor/Patient relationship would not allow her Doctor to give you information.  No reason you can't go on record with your concerns that your wife may have had an adverse reaction to her medication(s).  It might help other patients.  Just be calm and tactful.  Perhaps you already have been.  It's hard when your heart is suffering so.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays

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ProzacNation
On 8/26/2019 at 10:20 PM, Mermaid17 said:

 So many insist the drugs have NOTHING to do with their changed feelings and develop an emotional amnesia where they honestly believe they never really loved you in the first place. This is hell. But in a way, when my husband said the same horrific things, it served to highlight, beyond a doubt, just how NOT himself he was. It was like hearing him make that preposterous claim that he never really loved me was helpful because it was just SO absurd, it proved everything right there - he was drugged out of his gourd.

I agree with this statement so much. I KNOW my wife. I KNOW our relationship. Are we perfect? No, but we were pretty dang close to it. I KNOW she did not wake up one day and decide to throw our life and all of our plans down the drain, so that she could go isolate herself in an apartment with who knows what running through her thoughts. I know she did not spend our savings that was meant to be used to buy a house and start our family on alcohol in a matter of a few months, in her own free will. We worked too hard for the future that we planned. We have wanted a family for years, and we were finally going to be able to make that happen after the move. This is the year all our dreams were to come into fruition, and now we have to almost start from scratch. When she said that she wanted to split, divorce, and live on her own with no one else around, and that she couldn't figure out who she was anymore, that's when the light bulb flipped on for me. I want so badly for her to be healthy, for her own sake. She doesn't deserve this, and either does anyone else having to go through it or sit back and helplessly watch it happen.

 

When her meds went missing I tried to explain to her the withdrawal side effects she would likely feel if we didn't find them soon enough, and she said she hadn't taken them long enough or often enough for them to effect her like that. She's moved and unpacked now, and hasn't found them. I reorganized and cleaned and I haven't found them, so I asked her just to watch for certain symptoms that I've read about on here, so if she felt them she would know what they might be from, and she brushed it off. I haven't heard from her in three days now, so I know it's either a wave or the withdrawal process is starting and it's so hard not to be worried when I'm so used to being there for her. I wish this could be easier for her to go through. I wish she could hear me just enough to at least read these forums on coping techniques and withdrawal symptoms, even if not to reach out, so she could ease her mind.

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ProzacNation
On 8/27/2019 at 12:44 AM, manymoretodays said:

 And yes, Doctor/Patient relationship would not allow her Doctor to give you information.  No reason you can't go on record with your concerns that your wife may have had an adverse reaction to her medication(s).  It might help other patients.

How would I be able to do this, without reporting to her doctor that doesn't care to listen? I would absolutely like to report the possible side effects for anyone considering taking these.

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WakeMeUp

ProzacNation, I have wanted to reply for awhile but I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to a detailed response for another week.  However, this is something recently created to help all of us in the area of relationships destroyed or struggling due to psych drugs, specifically antidepressants.

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1THDmMEnewVV39pQ2rFMgK43gm4wzaCvm/view?usp=drives

 

Keep your hope going.  If the doctor has any sense, they will pay attention to whole picture.

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ProzacNation
On 1/23/2018 at 1:24 PM, Cnp412 said:

I have massive news to report LOL.... out of no where yesterday my wife/ soon to be x wife. Who hasn’t wanted me anywhere near her, unblocked me and asked me to pick something up from the house. When I arrived she brought my kids outside I kissed them and back in they went. She gave me the paperwork, and we began to speak(first sign of caring to speak of us at all) needless to say we ended up in each other’s arms crying and kissing. Today same story.  Today marks  8 weeks off of Prozac cold turkey, and 1 week of trazadone cold turkey, still using her Clonazepam. But she isn’t being cold and mute like a zombi a very significant sign I think

@Cnp412 Do you have any updates on your wifes progress? My wife is currently at 6 weeks after CT from 10mg. After about 2 weeks off the meds she had gone from "can't get far enough away" to my "best friend", until this weekend when she stopped all contact. Did she ever give you any insight to her withdrawal process? Or what it was like coming off of it?

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ProzacNation
On 10/10/2018 at 2:13 PM, Mermaid17 said:

PleaseNo just know it's the meds. It's the meds. It's the meds. It's the meds. It's the meds. While there is somewhat of a script they often follow while drugged, it is a variation on a theme, and my husband did not have affairs either. Still, he became devoid of emotion, became hostile towards ME, basically no one else, though by the time he really lost it on an upped dose of a Lexapro he really had no other relationships. It's the meds. I look back on the decade he was steadily medicated and can see all of his changes so CLEARLY though the lens of understanding what SSRIs really DO to people. It's the meds. Your love is in there, just cloaked behind a chemical veil. It's the meds.

 

I do want you to know @Mermaid17 that is was this post that I saw several weeks back that has helped me so much during all of this. Every time I start to doubt our "truths" (i love this), I repeat this over and over like a mantra. It's the meds, it's the meds, it's the meds.

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ProzacNation
3 hours ago, WakeMeUp said:

ProzacNation, I have wanted to reply for awhile but I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to a detailed response for another week.  However, this is something recently created to help all of us in the area of relationships destroyed or struggling due to psych drugs, specifically antidepressants.

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1THDmMEnewVV39pQ2rFMgK43gm4wzaCvm/view?usp=drives

 

Keep your hope going.  If the doctor has any sense, they will pay attention to whole picture.

 @WakeMeUp Thank you! I have read your threads as well, and I look forward to your response!

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Mermaid17
6 hours ago, ProzacNation said:

 

I do want you to know @Mermaid17 that is was this post that I saw several weeks back that has helped me so much during all of this. Every time I start to doubt our "truths" (i love this), I repeat this over and over like a mantra. It's the meds, it's the meds, it's the meds.

That means so much. In response to your earlier post, yes, it is maddening knowing it's the drugs and WD and to have them insist it's simply NOT. My husband will not, at least to my face, admit that he is in WD, though it's just so painfully obvious at this point. After 25 years on this poison he's been in and out of flu-like/IBS/suicidal ideations and God knows what else, but refuses to take supplements, or at least tells me he won't. I pray he IS taking them and just isn't able to tell me, due to some combination of pride/knowing that if he acknowledges to me the drugs have caused him ANY harm, then he has to open the door to the possibility they have destroyed our family. I don't think he can bare it yet. 

 

And I wanted to tell you that the medicated partner will absolutely play on ANY of your human-ness as a justification for the loss of feelings. None of us is perfect, and those inherent character defects become their rationalization. People who were once viewed as feisty become perceived as aggressive, unreasonable, hostile . . . Those more docile become uninterested, unsupportive partners in the eyes of the drugged partner. We can't win. They absolutely rewrite history, and it is through a loveless lens. As that Carpenter article said, the call to see how the day is going becomes "why are you checking up on me?" paranoia and annoyance. 

 

Again, stay strong in your TRUTH. The drugged partner possesses an eerie ability to stay on message, and it can seem impossible to overcome their narrative, their new, drug-induced truth. Just know that the feeling in your gut that your life has been destroyed and that it's because your love has become unrecognizable to you means you are RIGHT. It's the meds. It's the meds. It's the meds. 

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manymoretodays

Yes, me too, thank you @WakeMeUp

And I took a look at the new 7 page, google document.  Looks good.  And can copy that off, no problem.  Yikes, on page 5,  concerning.......as it goes right to frontal lobe damage and dementia, as then further diagnostic labeling.  A bit difficult to read, being as I was more directly affected, my being a medication user, for so long.  Hopefully, those with irreversible damages from medications, are few.  Including those who might have frontal lobe changes, on account of medications/drugs, and what is being defined as dementia.  I definitely think that there is a lot of hope for resilience, and reversibility- if you will.  That's my hope and also belief.

 

And that as reports get done, and awareness continues, as far as the truly adverse effects, that can occur from these medications/drugs prescribed.......new hope, as well as health care practice adaptations occur, accordingly. 

 

And I don't know if any of you have done the FDA reporting, as well, or if you can, not being the direct consumer, yet I think it might be helpful.......in the long run, for the future.

https://www.fda.gov/safety/medwatch-fda-safety-information-and-adverse-event-reporting-program/reporting-serious-problems-

May not help so much with the immediate struggles, yet it may be helpful in preventing so many lives changed and altered in the future.

Thanks for the space.

And best, for all our relationships going forward....

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

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WakeMeUp

@manymoretodays

 

Agreed on the "Yikes" of page 5.  I am not sure how else to do this.  

 

The FDA labels over 30 of their psych drugs with this major "bold-faced" warning that family members need to observe the medicated loved one, daily, for months, to see if there is any abnormal or unusual behavior.  All of which could include suicidal, homicidal behavior, not caring about children or loved ones or employment, or long-held value systems.

 

Its also in the Physicians Desk Reference.

 

Yet, here is the conundrum ...

 

Doctors have no idea that they are supposed to advise us to observe.

 

Doctors for the most part are not aware of these unusual behavior symptoms.

 

Doctors do nor know to be on the look out for family members to provide feedback of behavior changes or warning sides.

 

So how do family members report problems?

How do family members report symptoms without seeming "simply desperate" to hold onto to their loves ones.

 

Doctors nor the FDA nor the pharmaceutical industry has provided a system or a form to report this.  Simply an empty but ignored promise to back up families when there is a bad reaction.

 

Families need SOMETHING.

 

Dr. Breggin supplied information about Chronic Brain Impairment that suggests symptoms closely related to dementia, but not dementia quite yet.  And the Alzheimers/dementia specialists have a system where they recognize the value of loved ones' correct observations of unusual behaviors.

 

What we REALLY need is the FDA and the pharmaceutical industry back up and support their words on these labels and show a system where THEY DO NO HARM.  Until they provide a way for people to report this AS ADVISED, we have to figure out alternatives for the safety of our loved ones.

 

Thank you MMT!!!  Love your responses!!!

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ProzacNation

Just an update:

My wife appears to be out of her recent wave. Over the last two weeks since I suspected the wave had started, she stopped all communications and cancelled the plans she previously made with my mom and sister to go to a concert before the wave. Today, out of nowhere, she text me to go get smoothies with her. She seems even more like herself than before, but of course had to assure me that she still feels no love for me. I let her know that we had no reason to rush into any decisions about dissolution, and I was more than willing to keep giving her space and not put any pressure on repairing our relationship while she continues to try to "work on herself mentally" (her words). Ugh this is so hard. She still doesn't want to discuss any possibility of her going through withdrawal, she just thinks she's "going through some stuff". I wish I could get her to at least reach out here so that she can have support and understand what's going on with her. But, I guess at the very least, it was comforting to see her smile and laugh and know that the first wave is over. It being only two weeks gives me hope that her recovery won't take too long in comparison to those who have taken much higher doses for longer periods of time.

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Mermaid17
32 minutes ago, ProzacNation said:

Just an update:

My wife appears to be out of her recent wave. Over the last two weeks since I suspected the wave had started, she stopped all communications and cancelled the plans she previously made with my mom and sister to go to a concert before the wave. Today, out of nowhere, she text me to go get smoothies with her. She seems even more like herself than before, but of course had to assure me that she still feels no love for me. I let her know that we had no reason to rush into any decisions about dissolution, and I was more than willing to keep giving her space and not put any pressure on repairing our relationship while she continues to try to "work on herself mentally" (her words). Ugh this is so hard. She still doesn't want to discuss any possibility of her going through withdrawal, she just thinks she's "going through some stuff". I wish I could get her to at least reach out here so that she can have support and understand what's going on with her. But, I guess at the very least, it was comforting to see her smile and laugh and know that the first wave is over. It being only two weeks gives me hope that her recovery won't take too long in comparison to those who have taken much higher doses for longer periods of time.

 Very promising! Your knowledge of this horror is going to save your marriage. It is remarkable how unwilling they are to entertain the idea even that the drugs have affected them at all. It’s just remarkable. Keep us posted. You are in my prayers. 

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ProzacNation
6 minutes ago, Mermaid17 said:

  Your knowledge of this horror is going to save your marriage. 

I truly do hope so. We have SO much more life full of laughter and love to share with each other. I could have never understood what has been happening if it wasn't for all of you posting your stories and updates, and posting so many threads on the different topics about withdrawals and side effects (which I think I've now read almost every thread on this site). You truly are helping everyone that comes across this page because everything else on the web shows so much conflicting information. I wish every person out there on, withdrawing from, or considering taking, these medications could come across this to make informed decisions about their next course of action.

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