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Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

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mylifeisback

DevastatedWife, I also am mad at my husband and the Doctor for taking and giving the drug. I often say to my husband WHY, why did you let this happen, why didn't you stop yourself, why would you want another, why, why, why. And he give the same answer " I couldn't help myself" " that wasn't me". So who is to blame? pharmaceutical companies, the government, Food and Drug Administration, doctors, excetra.....but I am not sure about our husbands because once they started the drug I don't think they had any control. (and here it goes again as I am typing this to you, this is a bunch of bull and they did it because they wanted to) that's what makes me so crazy I believe it was the medication but there still a little part inside of me this is it wasn't. but with all the facts in front of us and all the many stories of other users that have had the same exact things happen it's kind of hard not to believe. but when we watch the transformation in front of our own eyes that ought to be enough to ease us. like I said this is a bizarre thing.

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btdt

devastatedwife, I feel your pain, I truly believe that this is one of the hardest things in life to deal with. I know that people cheat all of the time, they end their marriage and go on. But in our case's its not that easy. Do we walk out and say screw you, you cheated on me and I will never get over this. Do we remember our wedding vows, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Should we tear our family's apart, that really is a terrible thing to do. One of my doctors told me that my husband was sick and to think of my vows. I watch this man suffer from his actions while drugged. for the first year and a half he didn't care and I guess that is because the drug was still in him. But when it wore off he started to come around.To think about all that has happened it is so crazy. A strange feeling that nothing can compare to. To me its like someone stole his soul during the drugged time. Looking back why didn't I see what was going on. like I said its crazy. I believe that this is why it is so hard for us, it is bizarre and things that are bizarre are hard to believe and understand.I do believe that we have to take this one day at a time, heal from one day at a time, because if we don't we will run ourselves crazy. I do not know what else we can do to help us overcome in a faster way. but I do know that this medicine changes people I don't understand it and I don't know why but I know that it does change people. And even though I hurt deep inside more than anyone will ever know it wasn't my husband who was with another woman. it was his body but not his heart and soul. how do we overcome that is going to be a very hard thing but we have to do this for ourselves one way or another. so know this I do know and do feel your pain and I understand where you are at this point, but I really do not know how to help as I need help myself. I hope I am NOT just rambling on and you understand what I'm trying to say. but I am here for you with any kind of help that I can give.

But when it wore off he started to come around.To think about all that has happened it is so crazy. A strange feeling that nothing can compare to. To me its like someone stole his soul during the drugged time

The drug its self is out of the body we think is a short time but the changes he drug made to his brain take time to heal.. also going off meds causes a  lot of withdrawal symptoms some psychological some physical the physiology affect of these drugs is not yet understood.. not by science not by doctors. 

So while he was very changed for a year ... it is likely that healing is taking place even longer than a year... all in good time. If you look on here for symptoms you will see what it is like to go thru this healing it is not easy.  Some people break from the strain of healing.  

 

"like someone stole his soul during drugged time"

He did not have access to his soul or his full conscious mind either during this time he was also lost to himself... I did a lot of work on this  long ago but it was all lost when the old site went down.  

 

I know this entire thing is so strange it is hard to fit into your reasoning... I know this well.  

 

I ask you to think of this if he had a brain tumour that caused him to act this way how would that change the situation?

 

There would be proof for one thing right... there would be a way to fix it.. cut it out... another person in authority on the subject would explain it to you show you the tumor say he is fixed now...

You would have access to social support people would bring food to your door cut your grass watch your kids while you went to help him out or had time for yourself even therapy family would rally around... an association on brain turmor support would come and offer you rides maybe even money for treatment... helping people would come out of the word work falling over themselves to help your family.. the gov't has set things up to support families under such stress.. home care somebody would clean your windows or bath tub whatever ... you would limp and grieve and get thru it with all this support as it is there is nothing now only for you and any kids you may have .... but there is nothing for him either...NOTHING!!!!

 

See how  is this different?   

 

It does not exist there is no support for you him your kids he has to work no matter his symptoms do his best with all this heavy on both of you .. you have to work too.. and the kids they feel it the entire family feels the strain I know I live it.   You limp along and if you very lucky you find a place like topix or SA...

 

Why... well it all starts at the beginning I guess doctors don't know ... much about it .. I was surprised one of your doctors said he was sick... what did he mean by that did he say in what way...

 

This is important because  if you have found a doctor that is aware of this and understands the drugs.. we need him

 

we need him here for all the others who are living thru this and need his help.

 

 I think that voice in  you that says it is all because he wanted to ... is living in the old world where these drugs did not exist... 

 

I watched a show tonight on tv a true crime it has been on in the background while I typed to you... she shot her bf.. who wanted rid of her.. and after she shot him she was in the police station dancing around singing.. in his room they found adderal... then they showed her giving her statement stoned out of her head on something... that was my opinion .. really the world needs to wake up to the fact that script drugs are as bad or worse then some illegal ones.. all sorts of things are going down cause of drugs and as long as we as a society keep our heads in the sand.. it will just get worse. 

 

It is a much bigger problem than it seems when we are only looking at our own situation that is bad I know but it is bigger. 

I don't know how to fix this I have no clue but I can tell you what it is like to be drugged out of your life .. you mind... cause I have lived that.. fix it ... that is big. 

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btdt

btdt, thank you for all that you do to help us. All of your hours on here and other sites has helped me tremendously. I do believe that things happen for a reason. We may not understand why but thier is a reason.

 

I think that anyone who has been where I have been would do the same.  I do it because somebody else did it for me.. a guy named Charlie at pp whoever he really was is.. 

 

I know how low I felt before I talked to him lower than dirt... I had no clue the drugs I had taken could change me.. I was coming out of the drug induced personality change out of the woods and I was waking up to my life as I knew it being gone... 

 

it was just gone my home my money ... all gone 

I had shamed myself and my loved ones dancing naked on a stage in public.. in PUBLIC 

while I was not a prude in private I would never go to a nude beach.. no way too modest 

 

I woke up to that.. realization it was like I was gone and came back to a life destroyed a history and reputation ruined by body snatcher... I worked with kids a police check on me would show me as an adult entertainer ... I would never do that job again

 

And I was sick with blood pressure bounding all over brain zaps vomiting crazy thoughts and lower than I have ever been in my life ..I had given up was just looking for a way out.. there did no seem to be one.. so I resigned myself to living lower than dirt... 

 

Enter Charlie :) opened the cage and let me out.. well maybe he took the lock off the door I still had to open it and walk thru the door... but better then being in a pit. 

 

That is why I do it.. your welcome and pay it forward there maybe somebody out there just waiting to hear from you when they come tell your truth... 

 

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.”

 

When I use my strength in the service of my vision it makes no difference whether or not I am afraid.

Audre Lorde

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/audrelorde386877.html#MVlyLQBqSJGhH2tk.99

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btdt

“In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”

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Ydgully

Not sure how to start this off ,wife and myself struggling with our relationship , she is on citolopram for over 3 years . 40mg for a time and then 20mg for a long time and last month went down to 10mg .she is very private about her visits to the gp , i only notice when the new pills turn up .

She has cold like symptoms , and headaches , and felt tired for a few days , now life is bad for us both .

Im hoping its cos of the pills ,

Doctor wont talk to me about it , only offer me leaflets on depression !

I wrote it down what i think , and after a massive argument

And stress she took it to the doctor , and the reply i got was the doctor says im messing with her head , and i need to see a doctor about my obsession with ssri effects .

Can any body offer any advice ?

Love my wife so much i dont want to see her trapped in a black hole as she says .

But ther is so much resentment and anger channeled my way

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btdt

Not sure how to start this off ,wife and myself struggling with our relationship , she is on citolopram for over 3 years . 40mg for a time and then 20mg for a long time and last month went down to 10mg .she is very private about her visits to the gp , i only notice when the new pills turn up .

She has cold like symptoms , and headaches , and felt tired for a few days , now life is bad for us both .

Im hoping its cos of the pills ,

Doctor wont talk to me about it , only offer me leaflets on depression !

I wrote it down what i think , and after a massive argument

And stress she took it to the doctor , and the reply i got was the doctor says im messing with her head , and i need to see a doctor about my obsession with ssri effects .

Can any body offer any advice ?

Love my wife so much i dont want to see her trapped in a black hole as she says .

But ther is so much resentment and anger channeled my way

Oh my... where to start. 

 

Most doctors do not taper people properly from these drugs and because of this her going down in dose too fast will cause havoc... the cold symptoms are withdrawal.. for me it was more l like the flu.. but runny nose and aches and pains head aches all wd... 

 

if You can get her to come here I am sure she will find herself symptoms here. If she is having a bad time taking the drugs it can be scary and she may not feel ok to share with you. 

 

The fact that her doc does not want to talk to you is something I see quite often... 

 

Somebody may want to remind him the drug warning for these types of drugs suggests family keep a close eye and report any changes to the doctor... or some such thing... close to that. 

 

There a many reasons she may want to come off the drugs ... sometimes the drug makes some of us feel nuts could be side effects could be sexual dysfunction... loads of reasons. Some she may keep to herself cause they scare the crap out of her I don't think I told anyone but my doc for years when I had a bad time... not so unusual.  

 

It is best to get her to come her and read about withdrawal and the drug she has been on ... she can always search the site with the drug name and the word withdrawal to find what coming off the drug has been like for others. 

 

In general to get off the drug the best way is to do a slow taper of 10% drop of currant dose.. wait to stabilize repeat... that is not what she has done to date.

 

So what is it that you think?  

 

Please keep in mind we all expect our doctors to know best about these drugs and our care when they don't... it takes some pain and time to accept the fact.  If she is afraid then she is putting all her eggs in the doc basket she may not wish to hear you just yet. 

 

You could research this site to see how "what you think" holds up with what others have experienced. 

 

As you can see by the number of posts here a lot of people have marriage troubles when one part of the relationship is drugged. 

 

I wish you both peace

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btdt

For all those who are doubting the drugs cause the personality changes in their spouse we have a heave hitter who has said it happens. 

here

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9406-dark-side-of-a-pill-ireland-doc/#entry164044

quote from the thread and film

at 17:30 of this video you will see an appearance by Kim Kendall... stating " These drugs should be treated with caution.  There is a substantial number of people who take these drugs and find themselves in a very very difficult place.  Where they become full of suicidal thoughts sometimes think about killing people.  Things that are a complete surprise to them. At 17:58 a voice over in another language English type at the bottom states 

"and he warns that these drugs can cause radical personality shifts" 

He speaks again

"For some people when they take these antidepressants they feel very different, they don't feel themselves at all.  And after several days of not sleeping well and being very agitated some of these people do become quite violent or lose their temper excessively their partners will say this is not like them. 

This statement was made by Professor of Psychiatry Tim Kendall of the Royal College of Psychiatrists

http://www.rcpsych.a...mmittee.aspx#tk

 

This will be music to the ears of all the people who loved somebody who completely changed while taking and ssri snri... such as are at the Marriages Destroyed thread here

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Ydgully

Btdt thanks many times over ,feel a just little weight has been lifted knowing that the ssri drugs do cause problems and im not imagining them ,

Been a bit awkward at home over last days , i feel like trying to deal with our marriage issues which we do have like all relationships, and coping with the moods and angriness.

I found an older post by vixgrl , where she mentions her partner saying there is nothing wrong with themselves ,talking normally then bringing up old issues that had been resolved previously, then being cold and distant then hiding themselves away not talking .. Can so relate to that .

Will start a thread soon as planning to visit doctor together i can see it being tense but worth a go .

Great site here we cannot be wrong all of the time .

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dozaec

I believe venlafaxine and depression are the underlying drivers of my wife leaving. I am trying to figure out how to bring this up with her. We both had a hand in not dealing with this issue but to me it's pretty obvious it was the root cause, although I cannot tell if I'm just looking for answers or that is true.  Her diminishing feelings align perfectly with her being put on this drug.

 

As of now, she is not really wanting to save our marriage but has agreed to go to couples therapy with me. She needs to go back to therapy for herself and wean herself off of this drug, it's horrible. I wish I could have seen what was happening but I am not great at talking about my needs and wants, avoiding discussion out of fear despite me believing that we can get through anything together. I have my own issues and never took care of those, now we are separated. 

 

How do I bring this up with her? We are not talking until therapy.

 

Should I call up her psychiatrist to tell him what happened? I'm sure she never told him how her feelings have been changing, she wasn't even sure her feelings were changing until the past month or so.

 

Here is my thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9416-venlafaxine-and-my-wife-leaving-me/ 

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dozaec

That is crazy, so many accounts of antidepressants driving spouses to feel like they have no romantic connection anymore. It's like exactly what my wife said she feels, although she is more confused about it than anything. 

 

I need to get all this information in my wife's hands somehow. 

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btdt

http://www.opednews.com/articles/SSRIs-Prozac--The-Unide-by-Dwight-Black-090509-432.html

 

Another marriage bites the dust here.

 

"She wasn't physically killed, her body is still living, breathing, and acting functional.  My daughter is still at her disposal.  Her very personality was removed from existence. Everything that she held as a value, has been extinguished. To start with I guess I should set up the scenario.  I have been with my wife for 12 years. We have had a happy, committed, trusting, very loving relationship."

 

"Almost immediately her doctor prescribed Prozac.  "America's happiness in a bottle."  It took a few months to kick in.  But after a few months, my wife's "edginess" was gone.  She was able to say, "Whatever, we'll get to it later" more often.  Then the first sign appeared that should have been a red flag.  Her godmother, whom she cared very much for, died.  She complained to me that, "I can't cry. I can't feel anything.  I know I should but I can't."  This however preceded the greatest month of our relationship in February. That was despite the fact that Prozac causes libido issues. That month I was regularly being told, "you are the greatest husband a woman could ask for."  "I couldn't imagine life without you."  The libdo issues were way gone by early March as we were so happy; we started trying to have another kid.  That fire flared fast.  By mid march she had all the sudden grown distant and I grew suspicious.  I did something that I had never done nor felt the need for in the whole 12 years.  I checked up on her by checking her text messages. I found text messages that were just things a wife shouldn't be saying to another guy.  It was on my daughter's second birthday, so I held on to it, (as I often do) for a few days. Then I dropped it in her lap like a bomb on the 30th of March. That cold silence for two days fueled her new found self esteem. Instead of her thinking "What's wrong" she thought, "How dare he?" 

When I approached her about the text message, she transformed before my eyes.  The snap that occurred when she was caught doing something that she had always called morally reprehensible.  An immediate change came over that was surreal. She immediately told me "I don't deserve you".  Then it turned to "I have never loved you."  Then she turned on the emotional abuse. There was a hot tub party next door, she went there and I followed.  She proceeded to throw herself at the 4 men and women at the party, and verbally berated me.  You would not believe how out of character this was for my wife. I was just in a devastated state. This was nothing that appeared like my wife.  The night with me locking her out of the house, she called the police to force me to let her in, and then in front of the police assaulted me.  Never a single act of violence or verbal abuse had occurred in our 12 year relationship.  Again, our biggest problem is that I would clam up when something was bothering me.  She was arrested and spent the night in jail for domestic violence. "

not the only report of a ssri user ending up in jail.. 

more at the link and lots of comments

 

he was helped by the topix site and gives this link for it 

http://www.topix.com/forum/drug/effexor/TQ4I2UR28DFD3N759 

 
 
which may or may not bring up something in the archive if you want to look..
peace

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dozaec

Well my wife won't consider that her meds had anything to do with her change in feelings. 

 

Where is the link to that Charle's Carpenter article? My wife won't just trust anything randomly written on a forum she needs to see an actual article. 

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DevastatedWife

I believe venlafaxine and depression are the underlying drivers of my wife leaving. I am trying to figure out how to bring this up with her. We both had a hand in not dealing with this issue but to me it's pretty obvious it was the root cause, although I cannot tell if I'm just looking for answers or that is true.  Her diminishing feelings align perfectly with her being put on this drug.

 

As of now, she is not really wanting to save our marriage but has agreed to go to couples therapy with me. She needs to go back to therapy for herself and wean herself off of this drug, it's horrible. I wish I could have seen what was happening but I am not great at talking about my needs and wants, avoiding discussion out of fear despite me believing that we can get through anything together. I have my own issues and never took care of those, now we are separated. 

 

How do I bring this up with her? We are not talking until therapy.

 

Should I call up her psychiatrist to tell him what happened? I'm sure she never told him how her feelings have been changing, she wasn't even sure her feelings were changing until the past month or so.

 

Here is my thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9416-venlafaxine-and-my-wife-leaving-me/ 

 

 

Well my wife won't consider that her meds had anything to do with her change in feelings. 

 

Where is the link to that Charle's Carpenter article? My wife won't just trust anything randomly written on a forum she needs to see an actual article. 

 

Just saw these - I posted that letter Why they walk away because I found it while my husband was fresh out of rehab.  It was a quote from someone else that Charlie Carpenter wrote it so I'm just not sure, sorry!  However a site that your wife can look at is drugawareness.org and then if she really want to scare the hell out of herself go to the CrespiFamilyHope.com

 

Dr. Ann Tracy has many scientific facts about SSRI on drugawareness.org as well as many, many stories.  She has been speaking out against these drugs since the 1980's when Prozac hit the market.  

 

If I had to do it over again, I would have pressured the dr who drugged my husband to at a minimum listen to what I had to say even if he wasn't allowed to discuss it because of HIPAA!  Beware though, this is his lively hood so they don't take kindly to being second guessed and she very well could end up with some BS diagnosis like Bi-polar or some other disorder.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.  Your best hope is that possibly the doctor will listen and get her off of these pills. The only reason my husband agreed to go to rehab is because they tried to increase his dose and he accidentally decreased it by taking the wrong amount which gave him some small windows back into reality.

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dozaec

Unfortunately Effexor (venlafaxine) is an SNRI and she believes it's completely different than an SSRI so every article is bunk to her. 

 

I'm debating whether to call her psychiatrist to tell him or not. He is just a resident and tried to wean her off before but cut way too hard.

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DevastatedWife

Effexor is actually one of the worst ones you can be on!  It not only has suicidal warnings but homicidal warnings as well.  All she has to do is google search Effexor side effects to find this out.  My husband was on Effexor which caused his mania.  If was a horrific time.  For your protection - remove her from your bank accounts and any other financial access should be cut off immediately.  If she does go manic, some possible actions could be overspending and unfortunately infidelity. My husband lost his business and drained our accounts.  He bought a car without consulting me, and that is only the financial piece of the nightmare.

 

You need to tell her that Effexor has been linked to homicidal ideation. as well as suicide. Andrea Yates - the lady that drown her kids in Texas was on Effexor. In my opinion and from my first hand observation, I never want to be around anyone on any of these drugs but especially Effexor! Your wife is wrong and she needs a new doctor now. All she has to do is google search any of this.go

 

Unfortunately whoever said above that this is like an alcoholic is exactly right on.  Its no different than dealing with an alcoholic or illegal drug addict except that they usually sober up.  With prescriptions, people trust the doctors so we tend to take what they say as gospel forgetting that they are only "practicing" medicine and don't necessarily have our best interest at heart but rather the money they receive from big pharma.

 

I don't want to scare you but in my opinion, her child is not even safe. She is completely indifferent and not capable of feeling which means that if she does have a crazy thought there is nothing keeping her from acting on it. Many doctors will tell you that's not possible but it is. If I had not seen this with my own two eyes, I may never have believed it but I'm telling you....believe it.

 

When anyone in their right mind reads the side effects of venlafaxine, I can't imagine why any one would ever even chance taking it. I wish you luck.  I hope she will listen, hopefully your therapist will be good enough to know that something is off and get you to a better doctor.

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dozaec

Unfortunately our counseling session didn't go well yesterday. The counselor didn't even mention potential medication affecting her ability to love.

 

She still feels, loves me still but not "in love". Our main issue was we were both afraid to open up for some reason, it wasn't easy for her. i think she was always afraid of losing me and now she is the one leaving. 

 

We had a heart to heart over dinner, discussing everything about our relationship we could within our emotional states. She kept staring at me and apologizing. Saying in the future she would be open to dating again or at least being friends. 

 

It's so confusing.

 

I might email her about the meds and just restating that this problem isnt a reason to throw away our marriage, we can work on opening up and her feeling independent together.

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DevastatedWife

Unfortunately our counseling session didn't go well yesterday. The counselor didn't even mention potential medication affecting her ability to love.

 

She still feels, loves me still but not "in love". Our main issue was we were both afraid to open up for some reason, it wasn't easy for her. i think she was always afraid of losing me and now she is the one leaving. 

 

We had a heart to heart over dinner, discussing everything about our relationship we could within our emotional states. She kept staring at me and apologizing. Saying in the future she would be open to dating again or at least being friends. 

 

It's so confusing.

 

I might email her about the meds and just restating that this problem isnt a reason to throw away our marriage, we can work on opening up and her feeling independent together.

 

Here are some articles (at the bottom) that specifically address Effexor since she is caught up on it being an SNRI.  I hope it helps. Is she taking it as prescribed and how much is she actually taking? I was afraid of the counselor part.  Keep trying to find one - I went through many and I finally just started phone interviewing. My husband actually was able to find one that experienced the same exact thing on one of them so that really helped. The links provided above are also really good like Helen Fisher's stuff.  I also included the birth defects because it sounds like she is probably still in child bearing years(guessing on that).  Another thing you could try is having her read Ramsnic's story on here, she lost her family.

 

Yes it is confusing!!!  If she won't listen please try and take care of you too.  You may want to look at some troubled marriage websites like Divorce Busting, Talk about Marriage, Marriage Builders, etc.  There will be resources to help you get through some of this.  Warning on those: TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND LEAVE THE REST! Many will call BS on the drug and counsel to get on them on those sites.  Some are just like us though.  Anyhow they have great resources for trying to save a marriage and also exiting one.

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/10/03/antidepressant-side-effects.aspx

http://www.addictionhope.com/effexor

http://www.marriageadvocates.com/2012/09/20/anatomy-of-an-affair-the-chemistry-of-love/

http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/articles/effexor-heart-birth-defects/effexor-birth-defects-pregnancy-18-17023.html#.VZ2hbvlVhBc

http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/articles/effexor-heart-birth-defects/effexor-birth-defects-lawsuit-9-18933.html#.VZ2iDvlVhBc

 

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dozaec

Thanks, she might take note of what I send her she might not. I'm not sure if it's worth it right now, we are both very emotional and sending an email with this stuff might set her off again or she might take it seriously, I have no idea. Her friend just told me yesterday she seems manic, on Tuesday she was incredibly stressed and trying not to cry. When I asked why she didn't work when we were together, she said she could have but she missed me so much every day that the weekends were the only time we had together. 

 

I'm just not sure how to bring it up, maybe her friend will. I am sure she was depressed on top of that, she was so up and down, overwhelmed by daily tasks and sleeping all the time one week and then hopeful and energetic the next. 

 

She is on 225 mg. I'm not sure if this matters but she is only about 110 lbs. 

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DevastatedWife

Thanks, she might take note of what I send her she might not. I'm not sure if it's worth it right now, we are both very emotional and sending an email with this stuff might set her off again or she might take it seriously, I have no idea. Her friend just told me yesterday she seems manic, on Tuesday she was incredibly stressed and trying not to cry. When I asked why she didn't work when we were together, she said she could have but she missed me so much every day that the weekends were the only time we had together. 

 

I'm just not sure how to bring it up, maybe her friend will. I am sure she was depressed on top of that, she was so up and down, overwhelmed by daily tasks and sleeping all the time one week and then hopeful and energetic the next. 

 

She is on 225 mg. I'm not sure if this matters but she is only about 110 lbs. 

 

225 is crazy to me! My husband was manic on 150.  If she is viewing you as the enemy then maybe her own family and friends could present the findings to her.

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dozaec

I don't know if I'm the enemy or not, we don't really talk much. I think she has way too much; others have suggested I call her psychiatrist and tell him what she did and how she is acting. I'm still not sure about that, if he tells her I called she will be pissed I think, even if it's out of love and of course partial hope that reducing her meds will help. 

 

Her best friend agrees with me that her meds are doing SOMETHING to her, and I showed him these sites. He said it was eerily similar to how my wife has been acting and what not. Her blood pressure is through the roof, which is why they originally tried to cut it, but it was too much for her. 

 

I wish we had another month together after she told me this, she would be receiving my opinions and concerns better, but we don't. 

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DevastatedWife

OK - who cares if she gets pissed at this point.  She doesn't care about what she is putting you through right now.  That may sound harsh but it's the truth because she doesn't have any feelings right now. Honestly do you want a phone call 5 - 10 years from now asking why you didn't call that idiot doctor?  In retrospect, I should have called my husband's doctor, if I would have, I possibly could have curtailed a lot of the events that took place.  If I were you, I would grab the friend and make a list of all of the things you've both witnessed and both of you should confront the doctor with it.  Do both of you want to live with the thought of "If only I had called the doctor"?   Those pills are terrible physically as well.  My husband had weight gain, water retention, restless leg syndrome, flushed, slurred speech, blurry vision, and he would sweat profusely. If her blood pressure is high then she needs to get off of it.

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dozaec

Well yea that is a good point, who cares if she gets pissed. Not like, at this time, she has any intention of reconciliation. 

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mylifeisback

All of what Devastatedwife is saying is true, your wife has no feelings right now and she does not care what she says or what she does.She is not herself so who cares what she thinks at this point do what you have to do and in the long run you will be thankful that you did it.

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mylifeisback

To her everything she does is normal. We are the one that see and notice that they are not normal. Take whatever action you have to take, that is what I did and I faught and I didn't give up until it was all over and he had can't came back to his senses.

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dozaec

Yea she is definitely out of her mind. Her best friend just told me she said about me "I wish he would man up and take my son."

 

In what twisted reality would someone's ex-husband take a child you had from another man?

 

I talked with her best friend and another one of our friends who talked to one of my wife's other "friend" that she felt connected to. Basically the news is that she seems to be running to live out her "20's" since she never was able to and does not really want to be a mom. She complained consistently about how she was overwhelmed with taking care of her son and how everyone seems to rely on her. I tried to give her time to herself to go have fun with her friends and have alone time, but it wasn't too often. 

 

This makes much more sense than abandoning our marriage over something she thought we could work on. She just seems so... not herself and out of touch with reality.

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mylifeisback

we waited 16 years before we could build a new home that we loved, while drugged my husband stopped making payments and told me he didn't want it anymore and it was a burden to him. now off of drugs he has not missed a payment in 1 1/2 years and tells me all the time how beautiful the house is.

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dozaec

Wow, that is how my wife is with her parental responsibilities and just daily tasks. They are a burden to her and she doesn't really want to be a parent.

 

She was never like that... sure she said parenting was hard but she loved her son unconditionally. Now I'm afraid she is maybe disconnecting from him.

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DevastatedWife

All the more reason for you and her friends to make a list and contact her doctor immediately! Like today.  It's not her childs fault, can he go live with his father?  My situation developed into me removing all of the guns from my house that is how odd he was acting and when I took the gun from the safe it was loaded, cocked and the safety was not on! Get her the help for her childs sake.  At a minimum contact someone in her family so he can go stay with them until she has her head on straight.

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dozaec

Her son is with her dad, but she thinks I should take him for some reason. I can't take her son, first I have no legal rights and secondly, on principle I won't take him, he's not my child and not my step-son anymore. That may sound harsh but that's the outcome of her choice. 

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DevastatedWife

Yes I understand your position on that but I think you should have a conversation with her dad and express the concerns. If you have her friends with you backing it up it will most likely be better received and possibly with her father involved maybe he can help.  Make no mistake unless her son is a toddler, he sees the change and has probably already said some things to his grandfather.  Her dose is way too high and she is not thinking clearly, call her doctor.

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dozaec

Sorry I meant her son is with his dad. 

 

I called her psychiatric hospital, it was fruitless. She sees a resident, who is now gone, so I had to talk to the one she is going to be assigned to. He was practically worthless as well, said he can call her to come in but will likely tell her why he's calling if she asks. I said don't bother I'll just ask her next time we talk.

 

He wouldn't even tell me if her meds can change her personality. 

 

Update: Her dr. was forced to call her by her supervisor but he didn't say I called. He said he is her new doctor and she does not have a follow up appointment. He then said her medication could be affecting her behavior recently and would have to have her come in to talk. It could be a variety of factors.

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mylifeisback

How bad are these drugs on the mind? Here is a little clue, my daughter is getting married and today I gave her a bracelet to wear on her wedding day that my husband gave to me when he returned from a trip. My husband gave me that bracelet the same year that he was manic and out of his mind because of Celexa. I said to my daughter that her father gave it to me, while we were talking he was listening he said " let me see it" and then I could tell he didn't remember. He spent a pretty penny on it and said to me many times while drugged and in withdraw "where is the bracelet that I bought you, I never see you wear it" now that he is back to himself he doesn't even remember it. All I can say is WOW!

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dozaec

Ok I just can't give up on our marriage, I know my wife is not wanting to save it, I can't change that. I can change myself at least and try to learn to not be afraid to open up and actually express how passionate I am.

 

I want to ask her about a compromise, where I can go work on myself, she can work on herself, and we can come back together to reconcile. I love her more than the world, I love our relationship and I love her son. I'm at the point where I don't care if I get rejected again I need to take a risk. As ridiculous as this sounds, I'm going to try to talk to her after she schedules a mediator session to talk about the dissolution. 

 

She is stonewalling me I know so she doesn't give me any false hope, but I'm beyond the point of rationality, I love her. This was my first long-term relationship, she's been forgiving for that, but I didn't know how any of this was affecting her feelings. I even asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't know. I don't know how to express my emotions and passions that well, and I was ruled by fear. I know I need help and yes I know she was just my first real love but we were amazing together. 

 

My friend who is a family therapist thinks she might be misdiagnosed as well, because if she misses one day of her meds her issues she had come back full force with psychotic episodes of seeing things, irrational fear and unbearable sadness. He said she sounds more bipolar than anything but he's not a medical dr. so he isn't really sure.

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mylifeisback

When they are on these drugs there is no reasoning with them at all, you can talk to you are blue in the face they still are not going to register what's going on. Once they get off of the medicine it may take several years for them to come back to themselves, you have a long road ahead of you to get your wife to come back to who she was at one time.

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