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Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

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mylifeisback

These drugs seem to make them become bipolar

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dozaec

Really? Does venlafaxine do that? I thought it was used to treat bipolar as well?

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DevastatedWife

1st of all let me say that I'm conflicted on weighing in on this as I do no longer trust our medical profession and have very little tolerance for psychiatry at all at this point and this is based on my personal experience with both psychologists and psychiartrists.  Yes Venlafaxine will absolutely cause this and no it is not used to treat bipolar but rather to diagnose it.  Many people get diagnosed as bipolar because of the side effects they experience with this drug.  You can find this time and again.

 

If your wife has issues to deal with she would be better served to find a counselor that doesn't believe in medication and work through her issues sober and not emotionally blunted.

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dozaec

Well she probably doesn't want to talk to me let alone listen to me. I have no idea what she's feeling. She said it would be too painful to have coffee with me, I asked if we could in a few weeks.

 

She has a therapist she just went back to last Thursday. How she is going to afford therapy after going on insurance I have no idea. 

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AnotherAnon

Hello All,

 

It's been over a year since I last posted, but finding the Topix board a few years back is what ultimately saved my relationship with my SO. We even have a child together now.

 

I wanted to post a brief update and I believe it can help others. 

 

Very long story short, my SO was prescribed effexor for generalized anxiety disorder. of course, she became manic soon after beginning the effexor and it took a lot of time and research to understand what had happened, get her off the effexor and begin mending our relationship. Its been two years since she stopped taking effexor. In that time she has come to fully realize what it did to her and is vocal that folks really need to get a proper diagnosis from a good doctor before considering any medicine. I will say that my biggest challenge has been forgiveness. I still have bad days where I cant believe what was done behind my back or how I was treated when she was manic.I continue to work through those issues.

 

Fast forward: A few months ago her anxiety kicked in full swing, followed by lots of depression and hopeless feelings. I took this as being Postpartum depression and got her to a psycho-pharmocologist.  It turns out she is struggling with PPD, but underlying that she very likely suffers from Bipolar Disorder II. The doctor (she is very good) explained that a lot of people with Bipolar disorder become manic on antidepressants and so it is crucial to differentiate normal life challenges (depression or anxiety here and there) and actual mental illnesses. Unfortunately a lot of folks go to the doctor, aren't fully checked out and are put on medicine that makes things worse. 

 

So at any rate, she has been put on Lamictal (not an antidepressant) to help quiet her brain/anxiety. It will take about a month to kick in and I will report back. If anyone has any experience with Lamictal please let me know. Also, feel free to ask questions.

 

-AnotherAnon

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dozaec

My wife texted me yesterday wanting to know if I'll be in her son's life. I was basically his dad for two years and he calls me dad.

 

She ditched me and is now wanting to hold onto that part of me; being a father to her son was one of the most important traits she looked for. She is suggesting setting up a weekly playdate with him, but what good is that? I can't be a positive influence one day a week. 

 

I don't know what she is thinking, maybe keeping a conduit open to me because she doesn't know what she wants yet (that's what my friend thinks). I told her I need to think about it and ask my therapist, she was disappointed I could tell. I need to talk to her in person or at least on the phone, not through texts. I'm done texting, that is how I best expressed my emotions but I'm through with it. Part of the reason she left is because I couldn't open up and it wore on our connection to each other. 

 

If things were different, like we were separating to work on ourselves with the intention of reconciling then I would take him with no reservation. I believe our marriage could be stronger if we worked on ourselves.

 

I hope she goes to see her psychiatrist soon and her meds are adjusted so she can come back to reality. 

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AnotherAnon

My wife texted me yesterday wanting to know if I'll be in her son's life. I was basically his dad for two years and he calls me dad.

 

She ditched me and is now wanting to hold onto that part of me; being a father to her son was one of the most important traits she looked for. She is suggesting setting up a weekly playdate with him, but what good is that? I can't be a positive influence one day a week. 

 

I don't know what she is thinking, maybe keeping a conduit open to me because she doesn't know what she wants yet (that's what my friend thinks). I told her I need to think about it and ask my therapist, she was disappointed I could tell. I need to talk to her in person or at least on the phone, not through texts. I'm done texting, that is how I best expressed my emotions but I'm through with it. Part of the reason she left is because I couldn't open up and it wore on our connection to each other. 

 

If things were different, like we were separating to work on ourselves with the intention of reconciling then I would take him with no reservation. I believe our marriage could be stronger if we worked on ourselves.

 

I hope she goes to see her psychiatrist soon and her meds are adjusted so she can come back to reality. 

 

That's rough man. May I ask what medication(s) she is currently on?

 

It sounds familiar - long after the fact, my SO told me she did know what she was doing and that she was hurting me, but because of the emotional disconnection it did not cause her much distress. This sounds very similar - some of the logic is there (she needs a father figure in her son's life), but zero emotional attachment, and that's probably where you keep finding yourself. Being kind of used, holding onto hope, its a terrible cycle. They keep you hanging by a thread, and you hang on and hang on...

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dozaec

She's on 225mg of venlafaxine (Effexor generic). Our marriage was sort of sliding away at the end, I am guessing partially because of this drug, we didn't have any financial strife or big issues to deal with so both of us were like... now what? She was up and down in moods and seemed depressed, had nausea frequently and super high blood pressure. At least her psychiatrist is worried about that, they tried to wean her off once but it was a huge cut down to 185. She had horrid withdrawal. If she misses a dose she gets a bit psychotic, sees things, irrational fears, etc... I don't mind dealing with it at all but I had no idea her feelings for me were changing and according to her neither did she.

 

I am new to relationships period and have issues opening up so there was that, I couldn't spot any of the issues since she always said how much she loved me, she was in love, etc... when I asked she said something was wrong but she didn't know what.

 

I have a thread here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9416-venlafaxine-and-my-wife-leaving-me/

 

It's a crazy thing to lose your entire marriage and family in one day after being told we would try therapy together and what not.

 

Her son has a father where he is staying now but he's not great.

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mylifeisback

Why is it that when the drugged come back to their senses and they realize what they have done to their significant others why does it seem that they love the significant other more than they ever had before?

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dozaec

That's because some drugs suppress the chemical that is needed for long-term romantic love. 

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dozaec

Unfortunately my wife is pretty much gone; she told me she changed after she went on her meds and her needs changed. Oh also, in the same conversation said people don't change.

 

Said she tried to talk to me about it but I didn't listen (although I asked everyday how she was doing and never heard anything to the degree she told me) and when she said something was wrong she said she didn't know. Then turned around and said how great I was, how much she loved me, etc... so many crossed signals. 

 

She's making up a relationship that didn't exist now, saying strange things and is recanting on some of it but is so confused, she thinks everyone hates her for what she did. She did go to her therapist who told her she seemed to be doing fine; but I don't know if she told her the truth or not. I don't think she remembers how she would tell me at least once a week how overwhelmed she was about dealing with everyone needing her, taking care of her son, etc... and how up and down she is. 

 

Yesterday she wanted to text and open up to me. We talked about a lot but basically I was just puzzled as to why she wanted to talk now and open up. She should have told me a lot of this before but she finally lamented that she is a poor communicator just like me. It's just all messed up. You can't ask me to go work on this in couples therapy then run away and expect people not to be hurt, confused or mad. Even our friends are mad at her for doing that, she told EVERYONE how happy she was, even the guy she was talking to that had a crush on her. Not a week before she left me she told him how in love she was with me!

 

My marriage is over pretty much. I cannot deal with this "new" women. My old wife, who yes unfortunately had mental illness (which was treated no on meds first) and yes we still had communication issues, is not here anymore.

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AnotherAnon

Dozaec,

 

She will not come back to her senses until she is completely off the Effexor, and it will take at least a few months for her to grasp with what she has said and done while on Effexor. That's the terrible waiting game. You are correct that your marriage likely had issues to begin with, but now she cannot even open the tool box for the two of you to begin rebuilding your marriage. Again, my SO told me long after she was off the Effexor that she constantly was confused at her own thoughts. She knew they were not correct and made no sense, but she also could not completely understand why. She was confused...all the time. She knew it, but she was also manic so it was easier to play along. 

The (nearly impossible) trick is to not take any of it personally. She simply is not capable of understanding her own thoughts. You HAVE to get her off the Effexor.

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AnotherAnon

Why is it that when the drugged come back to their senses and they realize what they have done to their significant others why does it seem that they love the significant other more than they ever had before?

It took about 3 months after being entirely off Effexor before my SO had any idea that she really hurt me, and it took at least 6 months before she became emotional about it. At 9 months she began crying, a lot. She was very sweet to me after that. She wanted to talk about it a lot, she wanted to make amends. But there is no way she could have had these deep realizations anytime before that, it takes a while for your brain/gut to readjust after antidepressants have been in your system for any extended period of time. 

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dozaec

I can't get her off Effexor, I have no control over her anymore. I think she is in a manic episode, just yesterday she told her friend that she is happy, better than ever and has tons of energy. Day before she's texting me how horrible she is, how stressed out she is, etc...

 

She is now telling her friends that the conversation we had via text was initiated by me, that I was asking her out and being pushy about it, that she told me she is dating this other guy to get me to shut up and that she said the only reason we should talk is to figure out the dissolution. None of these things are true but of course I deleted our conversation and she won't show anyone hers. I know she made some other things up, like how I never supported her and just want a stay at home wife, which is completely opposite of reality, I encouraged her to find a job, take up new hobbies, start her art business, go to college, volunteer, etc... She told her friends how she loved that I supported her. 

 

AnotherAnon you might be right that she has been confused for quite some time. I used to ask what was wrong and she would say "I feel weird, I don't know why though."

 

Hearing what she said yesterday and reading up on bipolar disorder makes me think the stress of telling me what was wrong and her not sleeping the entire night before she left in a hysterical mood kicked off some sort of manic episode. A few of my friends, one who is a family therapist phd, thinks she is bipolar but I didn't think so until I read up about it.

 

The only thing I can do is move on and encourage her friends to support her. I could talk to her family but they don't even know what happened yet I think, I feel like her mother would reach out to me. I don't think calling her psychiatrist is within my responsibility anymore...

 

This is really sad time for me... I'm pretty sure I lost my wife and family to this. Yes we had issues but we were about to work on those.

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AnotherAnon

I can't get her off Effexor, I have no control over her anymore. I think she is in a manic episode, just yesterday she told her friend that she is happy, better than ever and has tons of energy. Day before she's texting me how horrible she is, how stressed out she is, etc...

 

She is now telling her friends that the conversation we had via text was initiated by me, that I was asking her out and being pushy about it, that she told me she is dating this other guy to get me to shut up and that she said the only reason we should talk is to figure out the dissolution. None of these things are true but of course I deleted our conversation and she won't show anyone hers. I know she made some other things up, like how I never supported her and just want a stay at home wife, which is completely opposite of reality, I encouraged her to find a job, take up new hobbies, start her art business, go to college, volunteer, etc... She told her friends how she loved that I supported her. 

 

AnotherAnon you might be right that she has been confused for quite some time. I used to ask what was wrong and she would say "I feel weird, I don't know why though."

 

Hearing what she said yesterday and reading up on bipolar disorder makes me think the stress of telling me what was wrong and her not sleeping the entire night before she left in a hysterical mood kicked off some sort of manic episode. A few of my friends, one who is a family therapist phd, thinks she is bipolar but I didn't think so until I read up about it.

 

The only thing I can do is move on and encourage her friends to support her. I could talk to her family but they don't even know what happened yet I think, I feel like her mother would reach out to me. I don't think calling her psychiatrist is within my responsibility anymore...

 

This is really sad time for me... I'm pretty sure I lost my wife and family to this. Yes we had issues but we were about to work on those.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I've been through some ****, but going through this was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. And some days, even several years later, I still struggle with what was done. Keep in mind that while she is manic, she will make you the enemy whenever it is convenient. My SO had the cops called on me multiple times, telling them I was dangerous and that she was scared of me. She told her friends I was violent. In reality I've never touched her. When the cops showed up, all they saw was a manic girl freaking out. They actually understood it was the antidepressants, the cops told me they see this quite frequently - it's a silent epidemic. My advice is KEEP your text messages, emails, etc. Should this become a legal battle you need all the proof you can get that she was thrown off by this medicine. She may even be a danger to herself. My SO had a very hard time driving - she could not judge distance and rear-ended THREE vehicles in the ~8 months she was on Effexor. And then there's the drinking - she wanted to drink all the time. This medicine is bad enough on it's own, but it literally only takes one beer to send someone into the next level of mania and that's when the dangerous behavior and forgetfulness really starts. 

 

You may have to love her from a distance, and she may continue to make mistakes. Again, keep all the dialogue you can. Next time she is going nuts, record it on your phone. Keep these somewhere safe. She knows not what she does.

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mylifeisback

All of this stuff is true, I do honestly believe when they start drinking they really go into a higher manic state. It's been two and a half years since I found out the truth and it still is like a brick wall hits me every morning when I wake up, it's not as hard as it used to be but it's still there. This crap changes people totally and then in the end we're all left to pick the pieces up and try to figure it out and go on with our lives. You are not going to get through to your wife until she gets off of this stuff and has been off of it for a while to where her mind can come back. Why they want to get rid of us and get another I do not understand. And then when it's all over they do not understand. I do believe that this happens to more people than what we know about it's just that they do not figure it out. I can only imagine the number of divorces because of SSRIs or SNRI's it truly is a shame. I do not think I will ever be the same person again, the shock of the whole situation still runs through me deep. This medicine is like a thief in the night and just steals you away. And yes they're driving becomes a problem my husband had 10 speeding tickets and for accidents, one accident he ran a stop sign and t-boned a person he hurt the passenger luckily we knew the people and they didn't sue us. The other accidents one was in a parking lot and the other two I have no idea. All I know is our insurance company told me that he had 4 accidents and 10 speeding tickets. My husband was out on the street drugged and drinking he could have killed himself or anyone and I had no idea. When you love someone so much you don't see the things that they are doing because you trust them wholeheartedly. My friend and I were talking the other day about the things that my husband did and the things that he may have done that we do not know about because everything was done 2 hours away from our home at any day the police could show up at our door for something that he is done that we have no idea about. Hopefully there is nothing.

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dozaec

Do you think my wife has bipolar tendencies? Should I call her psychiatrist? 

 

We are not talking thankfully, I almost expected some sort of hateful text. She hates lying and this is not her at all, it must be she really believes the things she said. 

 

I'm very worried but I need to move on, I need to get this dissolution finished and unfortunately, strike her from my life for now. 

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TeaBea

Mylifeisback--my husband was turned into an alcoholic by Effexor.  He'd always drank (beer), but we'd survived nicely for 20 yrs (with maybe 2x a year arguing about something done/said while drinking), but after a few months on Effexor, he'd turned into an alcoholic (we didn't know it was the drug because it wasn't an immediate thing), and things just went downhill from there.  Luckily, he has an angel on his shoulder because there are times I don't know how he got home from business dinners.  He would drink daily and probably would've drank as much as he could (till it ran out) everyday unless something (ME) got in his way.  Which, of course, lessened his good feelings towards me.  I became the Big Nag.  I tried to control the drinking so I wouldn't have to end up trying to control what he did while drinking.  Because it seemed he always wanted to "do something".  I guess "manic" was a good description.  If he ran out, he wanted to go get more--well, if friends don't let friends drive drunk, shouldn't wives also NOT let husbands do the same?  Well, he didn't think so.  Or, he'd want to mow the yard--twice he almost sank the riding mower in the pond, once I had to run for a neighbor to help us save it; it was obvious he was drunk, and it was embarrassing.  Or woodwork with heavy duty power saws (and cut off fingers or a hand?  I don't think so).  So, the "problem" in our marriage became me.  At the time, of course--NOW, he says he doesn't know how I handled it and is grateful for all I did.  

 

It was alcohol-related that led me to discovering the Effexor connection.  He was left alone all afternoon and drank all his little heart desired.  On an empty stomach (he said while on Effexor he never felt like eating, that sometimes he'd go 2 days without food, only beer), on a HOT day with profuse sweating and not drinking any water (why water when there's beer?).  Before bed, I made him eat something, so he sat at the kitchen bar to eat.  He seemed buzzed--as usual, it was an almost nightly thing that was steadily getting worse.  I walked out of the room and he crashed to the floor.  He went from "buzzed" one minute to drunk off his *ss the next.  His eyes were rolling back in his head, he couldn't spit out a mouthful of food.  He'd hit his head.  I didn't know what to do, so I said I was calling 911, but he violently shook his head NO.  So, I called my best friend and her husband to come over and help, but they made me call an ambulance anyway.  We spent the night in the ER, making sure he hadn't hurt his head.  I thought something else had happened because of the suddenness of it, but when the EMTs arrived and he asked the young female if he could F her, I knew it was "just" alcohol.  While at the hospital, he kept asking me "how did this happen?"  I would tell him that he KNEW how it happened (too much beer), and he'd shake his head and repeat his question, over and over.  Something about that made me decide that maybe Effexor had somehow impaired his liver which affected how alcohol was cleared in his body.  My search for answers began the next day.  

 

When I came across a forum where posters were discussing how awful they became when drinking while taking Effexor (or other SSRIs), I read a few to him, and you could see the light over his head--he shouted, "that's IT, that's exactly how it is."   These people were saying that when they drank, they never could tell how much they'd had.  They never felt themselves getting a buzz.  That the "first drink is like the first, the 4th drink is like the first, the 8th drink is like the first" (something like that).  They said that they'd drink and drink, and at some point they would stop being able to remember what came next (the next day, in looking back).  They couldn't tell how they acted from that point onward, but others could tell and would tell them, and the drinkers wouldn't believe them because their actions were so uncharacteristic of them.  AND that if someone would suggest to them that they'd had too much to drink, they'd take offense because they KNEW they were fine--in fact, they felt it was almost a "right" to keep drinking.  This was my husband.  So, all those evenings when I'd get upset to find him with a heavy buzz (almost daily basis) and ask him how much he'd been drinking or point out that he didn't need anymore because he was already drunk (or when I tried to keep him from doing something dangerous--like go driving, or whatever), he'd get mad and offended and think I was just picking a fight with him, because he was FINE.  

 

It was that thread, along with what had happened resulting in a $1000 bill for our part in the ambulance, ER stay that made him agree to taper off the med.  Luckily, I'd read all the horror stories while doing my research, so I knew we had to take it slow.  

 

Re the ER stay--I told him to tell his psychiatrist at his next appt., 2 weeks away (because then I still thought it was just the way the med was affecting his liver's ability to clear the booze), but by then, he'd convinced himself that he'd merely FAINTED, so that's what he told her.  For awhile, I had to keep showing him the ER release forms saying "acute alcohol intoxication" (and "you might have a drinking problem, you should seek help").  

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TeaBea

Dozaec--my husband was a really good liar on Effexor.  He even seemed to believe them.  Mostly it was about drinking or what he did while drinking.  He could've convinced himself that it was a good idea to quit and move to Alaska to sell ice and expect me to believe it.  He could rationalize anything he wanted to and it not make any sense to me.  

 

During the last half of Effexor use, his mom was dying in a nursing home several states away but I couldn't get him to call her.  He offered up this reason:  that if he didn't call (or go visit), his mom would like his sister more.  In a convoluted way, I see where his reasoning stemmed.  The mom had not seemed to care as much for her daughters as her sons, but it was the oldest daughter who was the caregiver and there everyday doing EVERYTHING for her, but when one of the boys came for a visit, the mom would talk and talk about them so much, it would hurt the daughter's feelings.  The boys could do no wrong--they would take care of her "someday" (well, it was someday and the daughter was doing it all).  So I see where hubby took that idea and made him act the way he did.  He couldn't see that his mom was going to be gone in about 8 months and he was depriving her of hearing her (favorite?) son's voice.  He went 2 months without calling, and we had a huge fight when I tried shaming him into calling (it was such a bad fight that I told him I wouldn't bother him about it anymore....a fact he forgot instantly but I didn't know this).  His brother emailed me and said that mom didn't think he loved her anymore because he couldn't take the time to call or come visit!  I couldn't believe my husband was acting this way--I kick myself for not realizing how far he'd strayed from himself.  

 

There is no reasoning with your wife in her current Effexor life.  Even if she acts the way you want her to or says the right words one day doesn't mean she will feel the same way the next day OR even remember it.  

 

I feel for you.  I do realize how lucky I was in that he didn't leave AND that he agreed to come off the meds.  It just had to get bad enough (the ER visit and finding the posts about alcohol drinking while on Effexor that he could relate to) for him to decide he needed to try something new in his life because the way it was headed, it wasn't working.  

 

And I do think these meds (and the withdrawing) can cause them to act bipolar.  I've seen it in hubby while on it (especially first going on it) and then coming off and a few times in between, esp. if excess alcohol was involved.

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dozaec

Wow Tea that is a crazy story! At least you were able to work through it.

 

Yes, I have read that Effexor can cause mania, which she definitely has. It doesn't even treat her depression completely just her anxiety. 

 

She lives in her own world, I'm just debating whether to call her psychiatrist or not.

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mylifeisback

My husband was not a drinker but on celexa he had become one. He kept it away from me I never knew he was drinking. When I discovered everything he came home and was telling me that he was an alcoholic but he didn't act like an alcoholic he acted like a drug abuser. My husband had sex with a prostitute many many times and paid for his employees to have sex with this prostitute while he watched. He was very mean to our children and quit paying all the bills. Now to day two and a half years later and the children are treated like a prince in a princess he no longer drinks or hangs out with a bad crowd that he was hanging with. The problem now is me because of the aftermath of everything that has happened I hope that one day I will be able to recover from all of this. Many people have told me that he was just going through a midlife crisis and living out all of his fantasies, I do not believe that I do believe that the medicine did it 100%. And yes he lied he would stand right in my face and lied to me to no end.

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mylifeisback

I do not think your wife is bipolar I believe that these medications give them actions of a bipolar person

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dozaec

Ah I see what you mean, should I still call her psychiatrist?

 

I mean, she had a lesser form of mania before she even got help, had days where she was really upbeat and hopeful, would start things and just give up. 

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TeaBea

They'd probably just put her on another med....it's what they do.  My husband decided not to tell his psych. about his feelings of being bipolar.  He is NOT that, he just exhibits the behavior driven by the current med he's on (or coming off of).  Like mylifeisback said.  He doesn't want to ever do meds again.  

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mylifeisback

I do not trust any kind of medication that a doctor gives a patient. I have seen people go from one antidepressant to another and just have different side effects.

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DevastatedWife

Hello All,

 

It's been over a year since I last posted, but finding the Topix board a few years back is what ultimately saved my relationship with my SO. We even have a child together now.

 

I wanted to post a brief update and I believe it can help others. 

 

Very long story short, my SO was prescribed effexor for generalized anxiety disorder. of course, she became manic soon after beginning the effexor and it took a lot of time and research to understand what had happened, get her off the effexor and begin mending our relationship. Its been two years since she stopped taking effexor. In that time she has come to fully realize what it did to her and is vocal that folks really need to get a proper diagnosis from a good doctor before considering any medicine. I will say that my biggest challenge has been forgiveness. I still have bad days where I cant believe what was done behind my back or how I was treated when she was manic.I continue to work through those issues.

 

Fast forward: A few months ago her anxiety kicked in full swing, followed by lots of depression and hopeless feelings. I took this as being Postpartum depression and got her to a psycho-pharmocologist.  It turns out she is struggling with PPD, but underlying that she very likely suffers from Bipolar Disorder II. The doctor (she is very good) explained that a lot of people with Bipolar disorder become manic on antidepressants and so it is crucial to differentiate normal life challenges (depression or anxiety here and there) and actual mental illnesses. Unfortunately a lot of folks go to the doctor, aren't fully checked out and are put on medicine that makes things worse. 

 

So at any rate, she has been put on Lamictal (not an antidepressant) to help quiet her brain/anxiety. It will take about a month to kick in and I will report back. If anyone has any experience with Lamictal please let me know. Also, feel free to ask questions.

 

-AnotherAnon

 

 

I don't know what they would do, last time I called the "dr." who is really just a resident was forced to call my wife. He played it off that he was trying to schedule a follow-up appointment though. 

 

I don't know if she actually scheduled the appointment or not. I feel like I should call him, if she slips into a depression I don't know if she will hurt herself or not. I don't think so but she did before off the meds. 

 

Even if they change her meds, there might be a better one out there for her.

 

I've been reading these posts the last few days.  I must say that I found them rather unnerving.  For AnotherAnon - have you read about Lamictal?  I mean really read about it?  This drug too causes emotional blunting and has a laundry list of nasty side effects.

 

For dozaec - I'm not sure how one mood altering drug could be better than another and I think if you would go into the introductions forum and read the stories of the many, many people on here you would see that they had all been on a whole slew of these drugs with varied side effects.  In my opinion.... the risks are far too high for anyone to take these kinds of pills.

 

We are a very self serving, instant gratification seeking society and while yes it would be great to just take a pill and have everything be fine, it's just not realistic.  For the record, my husband too was diagnosed as bi-polar while he was in withdrawal.  He came out of rehab on lithium which still caused him to feel like he was walking around in a dream.  That is no way for any one to live!  Bottom line, people need to deal with their **it! This can be hard because that means that they actually have to have accountability.  I did not then and do not now believe that my husband is bipolar! Sorry that whole you can take this crap and it brings it on is the dr and drug companies way of pushing other drugs.  I also find it interesting how many levels of bipolar now exist. in reaction to these side effects.

 

I agree 100% with mylifeisback - I don't trust the medication either!

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dozaec

Ideally she would go off her medication or lower it and go to therapy. This situation is not ideal, she left me and wants a dissolution.

 

She seems manic and she won't listen to me at all, nothing I say will matter unless she approaches me to talk again like she did the other day. Then again she lied about what I said.

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AnotherAnon
DevastatedWife,

 

I appreciate your response. Clearly I do not have a full grasp on what is happening yet. Short version: My SO has always had a crippling anxiety. She tried treatment several times and all antidepressants just put her on some scale of mania. Now, two years off all medication her anxiety kicked in worse than it ever has - to the point that even sober she has huge break downs. I honestly think at times she needs to be committed. I paid out of pocket for an evaluation by a highly rated psychiatrist who was very clear that judging by all of the charts my SO filled out and her behaviors/mannerisms that she is bipolar II. She said her response to Effexor also indicates bipolar disorder. This is the first time I ever suspected Bipolar disorder.

 

I did do a lot of reading actually, and when I searched "lamictal bipolar disorder" I found thousands of positive responses, along the lines of (paraphrasing) 'I've tried all the common medicines which just made me worse - lamictal finally quieted by brain enough for me to function normal again'. See below:

 

http://www.drugs.com/comments/lamotrigine/lamictal-for-bipolar-disorder.html

 

 

So honestly I thought I was onto something helpful this time. I am open to your opinion on alternate plans. I really cannot stay on this roller coaster any longer. Living with someone with mental illness is beyond frustrating and it consumes you.

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dozaec

AnotherAnon my wife had crippling anxiety as well, through therapy and drugs she was able to control it finally. Unfortunately, she changed from the drugs and never even told me her feelings were changing (despite saying she tried). 

 

It's scary, I think therapy really helped her more than these drugs but she likes how the drugs make her feel.

 

I put in a call to my wife's psychiatrist, we'll see if I get a call back.

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AnotherAnon

AnotherAnon my wife had crippling anxiety as well, through therapy and drugs she was able to control it finally. Unfortunately, she changed from the drugs and never even told me her feelings were changing (despite saying she tried). 

 

It's scary, I think therapy really helped her more than these drugs but she likes how the drugs make her feel.

 

I put in a call to my wife's psychiatrist, we'll see if I get a call back.

I wont lie, the Effexor completely killed my SO's anxiety. I mean, within a few days she became bulletproof and everyone's friend. She had endless energy. Too bad it made her completely apathetic and hypersexual. 

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dozaec

Yea my wife may have manager her anxiety with effexor but she was still overwhelmed consistently. Now that I look back she has all the signs of a potential bipolar. If she is actual amiable to talking to me I may bring it up, I don't know.

 

She is acting strange again, Sat. she texted me about moving stuff and then proceeded to tell me I can't see her son but we can write and talk on the phone later. I can see him once things calm down. After, she started to say how much she sucks, how she doesn't know if she tried hard enough and it's too late now and how her heart is broken because her son misses me so much and is so very sad about all this. 

 

I don't know if she was trying to reach out through her mental state to try to connect or she was just in a down phase. I have no idea.

 

The next day she was snippy and frustrated over everything, over having to move, that I left the dog in the house (she apologized for being mean for that), for having to help her friend redo her floor. It was just weird, I'm not her husband but she still feels like she needs to tell me how she's feeling. 

 

Other days she won't even want to talk to me; like last Thursday when she warped her reality, believing I asked her out and other nonsense. I don't know how to approach the topic of her being potentially bipolar. I'm trying to convince her best friend to talk to her about her behavior but he doesn't know if it'll matter at this time. I'm concerned she might do something to herself but with these meds she might be stable enough not to.

 

Also, my friend said she might have a dis-associative disorder right now, where she is out of touch with herself and reality. That makes sense to me seeing as she is obsessed with this other guy to come fix her, like she was with me when we met. 

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DevastatedWife

Dozaec - I know you are struggling incredibly right now and I'm sorry for that.  Believe me when I say that I do understand it too.  I know you are looking for answers and are feeling shaken to the core.  I want to caution you on going down this "bipolar" road though.  I know you can look back and possibly see signs but didn't you also say that she was dealing with trauma from a rape.  Did she ever go to therapy to address this without drugs? The whole "some antidepressants will reveal bipolar" is completely ridiculous to me and I just want you to be aware that if they say she has some "disorder" then the likelihood of her ever being drug free is slim to none.  Go visit Dr Peter Breggin's website.  You should also look at Anatomy of an Epidemic by Whitaker.

 

Of course she is out of touch with reality- she is drugging herself, it's probably easier to have no emotion than to face reality and deal with the pain she is harboring.  In your shoes right now, you need to appeal to the selfish side of her and lay it out about the insurance and what she will do financially without you.  If that doesn't work then follow a 180 plan and prepare to move forward as hard as that may be.  

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dozaec

Well I'm not sure she is bipolar, I have friends telling me and her psychiatrist is concerned with her behavior. 

 

She has always had issues, even as a teenager. She does have trauma from rape, yes, and she went to therapy for that but then they stuck her on antidepressants. 

 

She doesn't care about the insurance I'm sure, we are definitely getting a dissolution. I am trying to move forward. I feel a little better today, but I'll always carry a flame for her. Our relationship, despite what she is saying now, was great. 

 

Do people who use such high dosages of antidepressants usually go on mood stabilizers? 

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DevastatedWife

They will prescribe Lithium or Lamictal, things like that but they aren't any better than the antidepressants.  My husband felt like he was still in a dream on Lithium and for him to remain on ANY drug like that is a deal breaker for me period.  I don't believe drugs should ever be used that will keep emotions at bay.  We have emotions in order to come to resolution about things or trauma.  There are stages of grief and people will never work through their issues without fully experiencing the emotion behind it.  If they stuck your wife on antidepressants, in my mind she basically just took the dirt and swept it under the rug where it remains just sitting there.  At some point she will need to get out the dust pan, sweep it back up and dispose of it properly in order to actually heal.

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dozaec

Yea I dunno what is happening. She is making new stuff up daily as to why she left.

 

It boils down to her leaving over a relationship issue we can fix with just a little hard work. That doesn't make sense seeing knowing our relationship but whatever.

 

I asked her over and over what was happening and she couldn't articulate anything until the very end? I think she may have been slipping into some sort of episode for a few months now and it just came to a head.

 

I'm unbearably sad. She thinks this is the best for everyone but really it's the worse outcome for her son, not great for me and not great for her future. Only satisfies the current her, looking for immediate solutions.

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AnotherAnon

Yea I dunno what is happening. She is making new stuff up daily as to why she left.

 

It boils down to her leaving over a relationship issue we can fix with just a little hard work. That doesn't make sense seeing knowing our relationship but whatever.

 

I asked her over and over what was happening and she couldn't articulate anything until the very end? I think she may have been slipping into some sort of episode for a few months now and it just came to a head.

 

I'm unbearably sad. She thinks this is the best for everyone but really it's the worse outcome for her son, not great for me and not great for her future. Only satisfies the current her, looking for immediate solutions.

 

Dozaec,

 

It really is unbearable. People cannot imagine how it feels to pour your heart out to your loved one and all they can do is give you blank stares and stories that change like the wind. I remember crying my eyes out, I cried so hard I physically ached for weeks and she would barely blink at it. It is like they had a brain transplant. I remember thinking over and over how it simply felt like my girlfriend had just died. I was grieving over the loss of her the same way I would if she had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. i do believe we handle this situation much like death. But its even harder, because they're sitting right in front of you, or you're on the phone with them. Every attempt at conversation just leads to more frustration and despair. 

There is no immediate cure or solution. It is going to be really hard - actually much harder if she hangs around and you're constantly trying to get through to her. I realized too late that it would have actually been easier for me to be away from my girlfriend until she came to her senses, and you just never know when or if that will actually happen. And as I am discovering now, the pieces did not at all land back in the same place. Our relationship is completely restructured now and not how I really thought it would be.

 

All you can do for your own sanity is to take care of yourself. Find a support group, see if any members here live where you do. There is free/sliding scale therapy in and around most major cities. Make sure you are eating right (I stopped eating and dropped 30 pounds, I wasted away). Try to not self medicate too much (or at all). Make new friends. Go bike riding, find new music. At this point, newness will keep you going. Try to avoid triggers (songs, places, foods, etc) that you shared with your significant other. She will be down for a while, this is a great time actually to work on yourself. Come back stronger than ever.

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