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Suffer With Night Terrors Every Night


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I wake up almost everyday screaming from night terrors. Dreams of being abandoned. Dreams of someone trying to kill me. Even dreams where I am in a beautiful place and then I wake up in this dingy apartment in this disgusting city and realize that was only a dream.

 

I feel I have permeenant brain damage. I have a therapist now, but I have to pay out of my pocket so I can only see him once a month.

 

I have no hope for my book/film anymore.

 

I feel no joy. I miss my grandson that was taken away from my by my son's 18 year old psycho girlfriend who found out I was hospitalized in psych ward back in Seattle. My son disagrees with her but is too afraid of her to speak up.

 

Sleep offers no peace.

Wake offers no peace.

 

I'm 51 and don't feel I will ever be loved by a man again. Who would want a woman who has PTSD from psychiatric care. Who would understand? How can I meet someone in a town where I feel no connection. I see no one. My oldest friends ignore me.

 

There is no doctor in this state that supports one staying off meds. And if I were to have a heart attack, which I feel I'm having often with panic attacks, I would not take myself to hospital. They are all haunted houses and although I have no suicidal symptoms no do I abuse any  other drugs...there is nothing but tears and paralyzing depression from the things I have seen. I don't even have a garden to grow anything anymore, nor can I afford a dog.

 

Isolation is killing me. And believe me, there is no place in this backwards town to find my "people." The computer even causes me stress, because all the "friends" I have live far away.

 

God never listens to what I say.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AJb4grys4w

I took every anti psychotic made for 10 years. The drugs caused hallucinations, suicidal ideation, weight gain, violence, anger & anxiety. I was in & out of many horrific psych wards. I had to withdrawal cold turkey on my own as no doctor would help me. I lived in Seattle & used medical marijuana to help manage horrific panic attacks while coming off. It's been 2 years since I have taken psychiatric drugs. I now have PTSD from psychiatric abuse & torture. I'm a screenwriter, filmmaker & advocate for mental health rights.

 

 

 

 

 

Feel that which is big, near like moons.

That which is tiny, afar as stars.

So, cells in us, just distant villages inside.

me.

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The only thing I ve learnt is that you have to pull out yourself alone from the black hole. Nobody underdstands your own nightmare. Its really good we can discuss here, but you will be your own saviour. You have to do it! And dont worry about who is going to love you, he will find you, trust me!

1 year and 2 months on Venlafaxine, started 15o now 75

1 year and 1 month olanzapine /zyprexa/

off zyprexa 2 weeks ago

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I feel your pain, almost exactly, and I'm only 28.  I've been single for three years and I've pretty much given up hope in that regard. The girl I loved more than anyone chose to say with her emotionally abusive fiance instead of leaving him for me like I know she wanted and now I never talk to the most important person to me anymore.

I've had nightmares (not exactly night terrors though I've had a those and daylight hallucinations as a kid that I still clearly remember) my entire life. The things I've dreamt, the things I've seen and experienced would be enough to drive most people absolutely insane. I don't think many people in this world have memories of being trapped in an auto garage for days with zombies trying to get in...and that's a tame nightmare to me...

One of my best friends spent four years travelling all over the world. Another one of my best friends has spent the last three years in South Korea. It's not like we've grown apart...we're literally a world away from each other :/. 

I too have tried to kill away the pain with drugs and alcohol...cocaine, oxycontins, ecstasy, LSD you name it I've done it. 

As difficult as it is you must find a reason to exist for yourself. Work on your book or your film. It's a tremendous way of coping because it allows you to write things out, my novel has several traumas and terrible experiences in my life and it was very rewarding not simply to write them down in a journal but to apply those same scenarios to characters because it's like seeing what those problems look like on other people, it's quite healing to be able to relate and empathise with other people even if you did create them. Actually finishing my novel was a tremendous accomplishment. It was hard at first...took me hours just to write a page or two and was hard to motivate myself but eventually after forcing myself to do it for long enough it got to the point where I could write for 12 hours in a single day. It really gave me some insight into what I am capable of. Not to mention writing, much like life, is in constant need of improvement, tweaking, considering other pespectives...so many positive things. I recommend really trying to work on your book/film and force yourself to work on it.
 

These two pieces of music very much seem to understand what I go through and I hope, much like me, they can offer you some solace when you most need it.


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  • 2 months later...

I'm having horrible sleep terrors now. I don't know if that's what they're called, but I wake up terrified all night but don't remember dreams. Im probably getting about 3-4 hours per night of terrified sleep. I don't nap at all but am isolated all day. I am also isolated and friends are across country.

 

Remeron has been suggested, but I'm afraid to try anything. Please please help, anyone.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I don't mena to oversimplify anyone's problems, but I SWEAR meditation at night has been helping me.  I used to think meditation was this really hard, complex thing that took supernatural powers or something, but it turns out to just be thinking soothing thoughts and breathing deeply.  I still jerk awake scared, but I am able to calm myself down better.

 

One of the key thoughts for me is to think to myself, "I can allow myself to calm down."  That way, it's like I'm giving myself permission to feel something other than terror.  

 

It's not a perfect system, but it's been a helpful start for me.

*I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience
**Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not
-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014

-All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness.  It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage.  All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors 

-Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine

-Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey)

-Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011
-Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less)

-Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week

-Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs 

-First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened

-Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD.  Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed.  NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it.

-Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned
-Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia
-Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat
-Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged
-7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm having horrible sleep terrors now. I don't know if that's what they're called, but I wake up terrified all night but don't remember dreams. Im probably getting about 3-4 hours per night of terrified sleep. I don't nap at all but am isolated all day. I am also isolated and friends are across country.

 

Remeron has been suggested, but I'm afraid to try anything. Please please help, anyone.

Paxil 10mg 21/2 years to June 2012 after a 2 month taper

 

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Personally I would be wary of taking any drugs.

Can't solve your problem but I think its a common one. Last night I dreamt my husband had lifted the carpet in an annexe to our house we haven't tackled yet. He disappeared a hole opened up in the floor opened up and hundreds if cockroaches as big as dinner plates started streaming out. . I tried to escape but a horse was blocking my way.

Yes really. Between the dreams the palps and morning anxiety I dread going to bed. I don't want to wake H . If I feel very anxious I email a friend who is helping me. Doesn't disturb her but makes me feel less isolated and distracts. If you are on your own put the light on and TV or some noise source. Claire weekes audio is good she s very soothing. I ve had the night terrors where you wake up paralysed a few times in my life. That's awful. But I wouldn't take drugs if I were you they all come with their problems its what got us into trouble in the first place

Paxil 10mg 21/2 years to June 2012 after a 2 month taper

 

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  • 7 years later...

Cipralex Withdrawal and Night Terrors

 

I’m new and I’m not sure I’m allowed to create a new topic? 
 

I went to zero on my medication on September 1, 2022, severe withdrawal symptoms started on September 3, 2022- does symptoms include dizziness, feeling drunk and hung over, lightheadedness, vertigo. 
 

earlier on in my taper headaches and extreme irritability/ aggression had been happening which is awful but man are these head symptoms the worst. 
 

For reference I have not had a nightmare in an extremely long time maybe since childhood even. Most of my dreams are pretty pleasantly abstract or mundane. 
 

September 6, 2022 I had a wild nightmare that I have never experienced in my entire life. I was driving in my car down a country road and approaching going down a very large hill and at the end of the hill I could see that the road was at a dead end and there was a big metal bridge across the road. As I was descending my breaks were lost, ends in the dream I was telling myself just wake up this is just a dream, as my car started flying down the hill I knew that I was going to die and I was trying to look for which way I could steer that might give me the best chance of survival. The craziest thing that happened in the dream was that feeling when you first drop on a roller coaster I actually physically felt that sensation in my dream and I woke up gasping. I have never had a dream where I physically felt what was happening to me in the dream. 
 

September 6, 2022 (last night):

in my dream my mom was visiting me because she wanted to help me go through my serotonin withdrawal and I was laying down to go to sleep in my dark room. Something like a monster but it was a shadow, grabbed me in my bed and went to drag me off the bed, I could feel my hands clutching to the mattress and right before I was dragged off the bed i screamed “mom!”  I woke up from this nightmare because I had actually screamed Mom out loud in my sleep and this woke myself up. In the dream my bed was exactly as it is there was nothing abstract about it. (to be clear my mother isn’t actually staying with me that was entirely in the dream)
 

As a person that does not have nightmares or even had a nightmare for over 20 years I feel like this is probably related to the Serotonin Withdrawal I’m going through. Typically I have absolutely no issue sleeping whatsoever I hit the pillow and I pass right out like a little baby and I can sleep for 12 hours straight in pure bliss. 
 

I just wanted to share because while I’ve had disturbing dreams or abstract dreams I have never experienced the sensation of actually being able to feel things that were happening in the dream like that roller coaster drop I actually felt that it was so crazy and as I felt the roller coaster drop feeling I woke up gasping. Wild. 
 

I labelled this night terror because of the sensations I felt and the fact that they were both fear-based. i’m not sure if this is a Nightmare or a night terror. 

 

also both times I woke up I was in a sweat with my heart racing. 

Edited by manymoretodays
Added important detail, title added, merged

**all dosages are of Escitalopram**

April 2009:  20mg • Dec 2012- Feb 2014: quit no WD! • Feb 2014-2019: 20mg • April 2019: taper failed at 5mg severe physical withdrawal symptoms • Apr 2019-July 2020: 10mg  • July 2020-Jan 2022: 20mg ->  Feb 2022: 17.5 mg  Mar 2022: 15 mg Apr 2022: 12.5 mg  May 2022: 10 mg  June 2022: 10 mg  July 2022: 7.5 mg

 Aug 2022: 5mg first 4 weeks then down to  2.5mg- severe dizziness after 3-4days so I stopped taking the drug completely on September 1, 2022 • night terrors started sept 5, 2022 • Daily cannabis QUIT sept 4, 2022 • Current:  Magnesium bis gly, multivitamin, b complex, vitamin D, L-theanine 350mg, lavender oil. 
**reinstatement dose 1mg sept 9**

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Yes WC, you can start new topics. @Withdrawingcipralex

I merged your new topic with a very similar topic. And then it's always nice to do a Search before starting a topic, to see if there is already one on it.  More about doing searches:

How to Do a Sit Search on SurvivingAntidepressants

Keeps the site tidier.

 

It might be related to cortisol surges too.  See:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17471-early-morning-waking-managing-the-morning-cortisol-spike/

 

You might go ahead and report this in your Introduction topic too, if you have not done so already........as that spot, provides a nice continum for your specific case and story.

 

Okay.  Best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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11 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Yes WC, you can start new topics. @Withdrawingcipralex

I merged your new topic with a very similar topic. And then it's always nice to do a Search before starting a topic, to see if there is already one on it.  More about doing searches:

How to Do a Sit Search on SurvivingAntidepressants

Keeps the site tidier.

 

It might be related to cortisol surges too.  See:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17471-early-morning-waking-managing-the-morning-cortisol-spike/

 

You might go ahead and report this in your Introduction topic too, if you have not done so already........as that spot, provides a nice continum for your specific case and story.

 

Okay.  Best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Hey so I did the search using survivingantidepressants.org + nightmares in my Internet browser and looked through the different threads that had already started but they all appear to be really old so I wasn’t sure

 

and interesting enough I recently completed the Dutch test for hormones and my cortisol is drastically low! it is in the below normal range at every single point in a 24 hour period. The hormone test was my naturopath trying to understand what is causing my adrenal fatigue (which has pretty much existed the entire time I’ve been on this antidepressant!) naturally we should get a cortisol spike in the morning which wakes us up as part of our circadian rhythm and I don’t get that spike. Basically I feel lethargic until about noon and then I get sleepy again at 3 PM. i’ll repost this information in my intro too!

**all dosages are of Escitalopram**

April 2009:  20mg • Dec 2012- Feb 2014: quit no WD! • Feb 2014-2019: 20mg • April 2019: taper failed at 5mg severe physical withdrawal symptoms • Apr 2019-July 2020: 10mg  • July 2020-Jan 2022: 20mg ->  Feb 2022: 17.5 mg  Mar 2022: 15 mg Apr 2022: 12.5 mg  May 2022: 10 mg  June 2022: 10 mg  July 2022: 7.5 mg

 Aug 2022: 5mg first 4 weeks then down to  2.5mg- severe dizziness after 3-4days so I stopped taking the drug completely on September 1, 2022 • night terrors started sept 5, 2022 • Daily cannabis QUIT sept 4, 2022 • Current:  Magnesium bis gly, multivitamin, b complex, vitamin D, L-theanine 350mg, lavender oil. 
**reinstatement dose 1mg sept 9**

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I think I used night terrors.

Here's more on cortisol testing, my understanding is that it may not be real reliable.

Cortisol testing

Also:  Important topics about tests, supplements, treatments, diet

Interesting.  I sure went through a period of real fatigue, possibly adrenal at one time.  Do be careful, go low with anything offered by your naturopath, or do your own research too.  Do.  Definitely update in your topic, I was just browsing there.  We will want to see how the reinstatement is going.

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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5 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

I think I used night terrors.

Here's more on cortisol testing, my understanding is that it may not be real reliable.

Cortisol testing

Also:  Important topics about tests, supplements, treatments, diet

Interesting.  I sure went through a period of real fatigue, possibly adrenal at one time.  Do be careful, go low with anything offered by your naturopath, or do your own research too.  Do.  Definitely update in your topic, I was just browsing there.  We will want to see how the reinstatement is going.

My naturopath is not a fan of the Dutch test but did it because I wanted to she only agreed that the cortisol was likely low because it coincides with the symptoms I’m reporting she said otherwise she would dismiss the results if my symptoms didn’t match. 
 

She prescribed ashwagandha and rhodiola which are two herbs that I have used in the past. I have not started either of them because I feel like there is just too much going on right now to add anything else to the mix of this chaos😅

**all dosages are of Escitalopram**

April 2009:  20mg • Dec 2012- Feb 2014: quit no WD! • Feb 2014-2019: 20mg • April 2019: taper failed at 5mg severe physical withdrawal symptoms • Apr 2019-July 2020: 10mg  • July 2020-Jan 2022: 20mg ->  Feb 2022: 17.5 mg  Mar 2022: 15 mg Apr 2022: 12.5 mg  May 2022: 10 mg  June 2022: 10 mg  July 2022: 7.5 mg

 Aug 2022: 5mg first 4 weeks then down to  2.5mg- severe dizziness after 3-4days so I stopped taking the drug completely on September 1, 2022 • night terrors started sept 5, 2022 • Daily cannabis QUIT sept 4, 2022 • Current:  Magnesium bis gly, multivitamin, b complex, vitamin D, L-theanine 350mg, lavender oil. 
**reinstatement dose 1mg sept 9**

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, Withdrawingcipralex said:

Hey so I did the search using survivingantidepressants.org + nightmares in my Internet browser and looked through the different threads that had already started but they all appear to be really old so I wasn’t sure

 

It doesn't matter if a topic is old.  SA likes to keep similar information in one place so it is easier for members to find.

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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