Coolranger: Anti-depressents messed me up

[coolranger]

Hello,

I am from India. My intro is very detailed. Please bear with me.  Thank you!

 I have been a smoker for around 2 years. I tried quitting and relapsed many times. I became anxious and depressed because of smoking addiction. I meet a psychiatrist March this year. He listened to me patiently and diagnosed me with Anxiety and depression. He prescribed 25mg Paroxetine and .5mg Clonazepam for 45 days. He himself being a ex-smoker told me there is no silver bullet to quit smoking and these medications are supposed to help me achieve it. Asked me to quit after 15days. I felt really better after few days under medication. I slept well and felt less anxious and depression went away like magic. But the side effects of SSRI started kicking-in. I felt muscle stiffness and lost labido. Though I felt good about having less sex drive. I didn’t tell my family about this. I started having severe sexual side effects and my wife noticed it. I couldn’t hide from here anymore that I am under psychotropic drugs. I tried quitting smoking. I am a secret smoker. I couldn’t. My depression and anxiety came back. I started urge to cry. Finally I told my wife I am a smoker and was under medication because of it. She felt betrayed. Smoking is considered very anti-social in my micro-society. I missed my medication few days in-between. After finishing my prescription, I felt this is taking me no where. I started felling very anxious, had sleeping problems and severe hand tremors.

I decided to consult psychiatrist specialized in curing addiction. Meet one. She again diagnosed me with Anxiety and Depression. She prescribed me 15 days with Clonazepam-0.5mg + Escitalopram-5mg for night and Propranolol for morning. She said one step at a time, start quitting one cigarette per month and suggested me some health living habits.  I started felling better again. After understanding about Propranolol, a beta-blocker which is used to cure social anxiety I felt I am going in the right course.

After fifteen days, I tried booking appointment with the same doctor. Apparently she quit from the hospital. I didn’t had any option other than consulting another doctor from the same hospital. He said quitting is easy and enquired about my history of depression. I had a depression when I was fifteen. I skipped school for a year. My family took care of my problem though support and prayer the traditional way. I was not made to take any medication. I became better after a year and my depression and mental disorders gradually disappeared as years passed. I was back normal at 18 If I remember correctly. He was quick to prescribe Bupropion (Wellbutin) 150mg and asked me to continue Clonazepam-0.5mg + Escitalopram-5mg combination for 30 days.

I have read the book ‘The Easy way to quite smoking’ by Alan Carr. His method has 95% success rate. I failed. I read Wellbutin has 20% success rate. So mathematically I have good chance when I combined both. I was WRONG!

My Irritable Bowel Syndrome became worst! I had headaches and felt very numb and emotion less. I lost my religious belief.

I tried going cold turkey from Cigarette after a month in Wellbutin and after freshly reading the same book again. I relapsed in a day. My depression became worst. I became angry, very moody. My road rage became worst. I used to drink occasionally without my wife’s knowledge as it is considered a taboo in my society to drink. But I started drinking few times in night even in her presence. I didn’t care what she felt. I had few arguments with have being drunk! I mixed 1mg of clonazepam with Wine two times thinking I will get super high. I just fell sleepy and slept for long time in morning. Now the strange things, I became obsessed in researching about illegal drugs. I had urge to try Psychedelic drugs, opium and weed. This desire came on and off. I even tried to find local contact to get weed. I never ever had such desires in my entire life. Thank GOD I didn’t try breaking law and made my situation worst by trying any illegal drugs.

Last Friday (Aug-8-2014) my failure attempt to quit smoking. I became numb, very anxious and psychotic. Had desires to make strange sound, laid down in flour, banged my head to table, took knife to injure myself. I relented after my wife’s intervention. I had suicidal feelings & Mood swings. I bought  3 bottled of fortified wine (16%alcohol content). Drank a bottle for the whole night. This is not me! Next day I realized may be the drugs are doing this to me. I stopped taking the medication and started reading adverse effects of my drugs seriously.
I watched the documentary 'Making a Killing: The Untold Story of Psychotropic Drugging’ in youtube. Got scared of my drugs and decided not to take anymore no matter whatever happens.

I was having sleeping problem. But nothing serious for next 2 days. I felt good to be me. After 48 hours things stared going worst. I was going through depression and anxiety cycles. I became very anger. I started venting out on my family. I broke few things and smashed a jar with my hand. It didn’t made me feel better other than a hurting fist. The worst is yet to come. I was not able to sleep. When I try to sleep I became very anxious. After trying to go to sleep till 2AM, I started drinking wine thinking it will help me get some sleep. It calmed me down a bit. But I was not able to sleep. Under intoxication, I watched porn and masterbated. Nothing helped me to sleep. I slept less than a hour. I felt terrible.

Day 3: Hoped I will feel sleepy in the day and I will take some quick naps. I was wrong. I had severe mood swings from extreme anxiety to extreme depression. Got scared of many things. Everything irritates me. Got my severe anxiety back after going to bed. I am determined not to drink that day. After praying to christ I was able to get some sleep.

Same problems day 4. Lot of things irritates me. Insomnia is killing me.

I took Indian herbs Ashwagandha and Tagara (Indian Valerian) tonight hoping I will get some sleep. But I been awake for ~20hrs today. Still no hint of sleepiness.

I know going cold turkey is not recommended. But I don’t want to take those sick medications any more. I feel I can do it. I hope I can.

 

Thank you,
Sam, Male 30
India

[mammaP]

Hi Sam, welcome to SA.  You have had a few different drugs in a short time, stopping one and

starting another before quitting them all cold turkey.  This has destabilised your nervous system

and there is little wonder that you are feeling so bad. This is not your fault, you trusted doctors and

was given bad advice. All of us here have trusted our doctors to give us the best treatment and here 

we all are! 

 

You are absolutely right that it would have been the drugs that were causing your symptoms. I am most

concerned about the cold turkey from clonazepam and paroxetine.  I am a little confused about the

buproprion, your signature says you took it from 30 July to 8 Aug, but in your post you said you tried to

quit cigarettes after  one month on it?   Can you clarify what you were taking when you quit all meds  as

it is a little confusing.  My brain is a bit fuzzy today so maybe I am not reading correctly! 

[coolranger]

Hello mammaP. Thank you! Felt happy after seeing your reply.

I was out of paroxetine for more than a month. I was taking Bupron 150mg in morning and Clonazepam(0.5mg)+Escitalopram(5mg)) in the evening when I quit medication. I tried quiting cigarette after one month in Bupron. I got less high out of cigarette under Burpon (As it is nicotine receptor antagonist). But cracing for cigarette never went away.

 

I plan to survive ant-depressant before trying to break-from Cigarette. Can't take on two monsters at a time.

Yesterday Valerian (250mg capsule) helped me to sleep for sometime continuously (I slept late though). I feel much better today. But drowsy may be because of Valerian.

 

I am happy to see many under these evil medication for many years were able to overcome them and share their stories here. All of your posts has given me hope

[Petunia]

Hi Sam

Welcome to SA and thank you for sharing your story.  Wow, you've really been through the wringer with all those drugs in such a short time, I'm glad you avoided doing anything illegal and are now starting to feel better.  Its good that you are able to get some sleep now.  I agree that you should allow your nervous system to heal from this shock, and then look for some healthier ways to quit smoking.

 

Some people find that hypnosis works, there are patches and gum which you can use to decrease the level of nicotine.  Do you have those there?  Electronic cigarettes can help too by enabling you to reduce the nicotine content.

 

Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful non-drug ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.  You may even find something there to help with stopping smoking.

 

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

 

Petu.

[coolranger]

Thank you Petu. I have tried Nicotine Replacement Therapy (Gums, Electronic Cigarette). It didn't helped me quit smoking. The easy way must be going cold  turkey. Will try it soon. Thanks for the link.

[Redfenix]

Hi Sam, I was in a similar place about ten years ago. I was smoking (and drinking), depressed, on a number of meds simultaniously (xanax, ambien, seroquel, effexor, lamictal, lithium), I had trouble sleeping, had amnesia, aggressive outbursts and couldn't keep a job and lost my religion. I have since quit both smoking (Allen Carr) and drinking (cold turkey), and I have been able to quit all the meds and instead went to talk therapy which helped very much and helped me change my mindset and my life so I was able to function without meds. I have been off all the meds for 10 years (until recently started xanax and Cymbalta, which I expect to be temporary and already started tapering off of). I take melatonin and homeopathic sleeping pills as well as benadryl to help me fall asleep daily for the past ten years.

I don't know which services are available in India, or what you will feel comfortable doing but it seems to me you might benefit from a support structure such as a addiction rehabilitation center, any kind of support group (smoking, drinking or anxiety/depression) or a 12-step program (AA, NA etc.). Are any of those available in your area?

[coolranger]

Hello Redfenix,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Glad to know you have gone cold-turkey from smoking I have also read Allen Carr's easy way to quite smoking. But far his method is the easy and best way to stop smoking. But my anxiety kept me smoking. Unfortunately suport groups you taked about is not available in my area. I will try those online support group for addiction.

 

Last weekend I had lot of heated arguments and fight with my family and felt depressed. But this week has been a better week for me so far. On the contrary from my last week insomnia severe mood swings from anxiety to depression, I am sleeping a lot and feeling tired and drowsey this week. But way better than the torture of insomnia.