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goldieloc: My Introduction - Trying to stop Lexapro + more :)

goldieloc

By goldieloc
in Introductions and updates

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bluebalu86 Newbie

bluebalu86

Posted
Posted

So glad to find another Bulgarian. I hope we can chat. 

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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goldieloc
goldieloc

Hello guys,   I am still alive, barely, but nevertheless alive. This is the only thing that I can say for certain. Many bad things happened since I was away from the site. Shortly after my last pos

goldieloc Newbie

goldieloc

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Posted

So glad to find another Bulgarian. I hope we can chat. 

Yes, check your inbox  ;)

2004 - I was put on Lexapro 10mg. After year and a half I felt good and stopped it abruptly with no problems.
2006 - I relapsed after highly stressful time at university. I was put on Anafranil (Clomipramine) 2x25mg per day. Stopped abruptly after 8 months, no withdrawal.
2008/2009 - crashed again due to highly stressful work environment. I was put on 2x75 Effexor and was told not to stop this time.
2013 - Went to a new doctor and was put on Celexa 20mg, didn't affect me well after 3 months, switch to Anafranil 2x25 for 3 more months, I was not getting better. Changed doctors again and was put on Lexapro 30mg/daily.
2014 - After 8-10 months on 30mg per day I decided that I wanted to try alternative methods as 10 years of medication led to nothing. Started decreasing 30-25-20-15-10mg changing the dose every 2-3 weeks. No withdrawal until jump from 10-5mg. I couldn't stay still, shaking constantly, muscle pains, vertigo, vision disturbances for 2 weeks. After a month and a half I felt well and went from 5mg to 0.

28 July 2014 - Stopped Lexapro. 6 days after the physical sympoms started, got better with B-Complex and Omega fish oils. 2 weeks after off the drug the anxiety and panic attacks started and progressed with the time. After 5 weeks I decided that something is wrong , searched for help/answers and arrived here.

4/Sept/2014 reinstated on 5mg. Too much for my sensitized CNS. Next day tried 2.5mg, a bit better. Problems with constant shaking, muscle twiches and trouble falling asleep.
25/Oct/2014 Still at 2,5 mg, Muscle pain & cramps, Insomnia, Eye problems (Light sensitivity, Eye dryness, Many eye floaters), Anxiety, Very sensitive to sounds, High heart rate, depression Oct-Dec 2015 no medication

Jan/2015 - now | New  Effexor 225mg, Abilify, Lamictal 100mg, feeling good, won't be making changes anytime soon.

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  • 2 months later...
LexAnger Rookie

LexAnger

Posted
Posted

How are you doing Goldieloc?

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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goldieloc Newbie

goldieloc

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Hi Lex,

 

I'm doing ok. Working mostly. No change in my medications, not gonna taper soon. I want to be very stable and I don't think I am fully recovered from the previous one.

 

Problems with my eyes persist. No change with the light sensitivity and floaters. It's ok though, I sorta got used to it and I wear sunglasses when I'm outside.

I have also lost a lot of sensitivity down there and it is really hard to climax sometimes. Anyway, I am grateful that I can use it at all, considering the effect these drugs have on our libido.

 

I feel kinda depressed and lost, and most probably I will have to make some changes in my life next year, to shake things up and give myself a fresh perspective.

 

How about you? Did you have a good Halloween? :)

2004 - I was put on Lexapro 10mg. After year and a half I felt good and stopped it abruptly with no problems.
2006 - I relapsed after highly stressful time at university. I was put on Anafranil (Clomipramine) 2x25mg per day. Stopped abruptly after 8 months, no withdrawal.
2008/2009 - crashed again due to highly stressful work environment. I was put on 2x75 Effexor and was told not to stop this time.
2013 - Went to a new doctor and was put on Celexa 20mg, didn't affect me well after 3 months, switch to Anafranil 2x25 for 3 more months, I was not getting better. Changed doctors again and was put on Lexapro 30mg/daily.
2014 - After 8-10 months on 30mg per day I decided that I wanted to try alternative methods as 10 years of medication led to nothing. Started decreasing 30-25-20-15-10mg changing the dose every 2-3 weeks. No withdrawal until jump from 10-5mg. I couldn't stay still, shaking constantly, muscle pains, vertigo, vision disturbances for 2 weeks. After a month and a half I felt well and went from 5mg to 0.

28 July 2014 - Stopped Lexapro. 6 days after the physical sympoms started, got better with B-Complex and Omega fish oils. 2 weeks after off the drug the anxiety and panic attacks started and progressed with the time. After 5 weeks I decided that something is wrong , searched for help/answers and arrived here.

4/Sept/2014 reinstated on 5mg. Too much for my sensitized CNS. Next day tried 2.5mg, a bit better. Problems with constant shaking, muscle twiches and trouble falling asleep.
25/Oct/2014 Still at 2,5 mg, Muscle pain & cramps, Insomnia, Eye problems (Light sensitivity, Eye dryness, Many eye floaters), Anxiety, Very sensitive to sounds, High heart rate, depression Oct-Dec 2015 no medication

Jan/2015 - now | New  Effexor 225mg, Abilify, Lamictal 100mg, feeling good, won't be making changes anytime soon.

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LexAnger Rookie

LexAnger

Posted
Posted

Hi Goldieloc,

 

Thanks for getting back to me!

I am really happy to know that you are doing fine and can go back to work! It sounds the residual eye issues are not as bad either.

 

I feel the libdo problem is more from the side effects of your current medication. Well, I used to struggle with the same issue quite a lot but after being hit with more serious problems over and over again, surviving took over the priority.

 

I think your decision not to taper for now a wise one. As a matter of fact, I'm on the same boat on tapering. I decreased from4.5 to 3.2 over the past plus year been struggling all the time but the last round of cut to 3.2 hit me real bad with a serious new heart issue. So my decision is also to hold for infinite long to protect my heart and other body parts from being damaged more. I hope the long hold will provide a through heal from the WD damage. I don't know what I will do in future as we all know the whole thing can so unpredictable.

 

You take good care of yourself! This experience taught us how precious life is. Hope you Live your young life each day and hour the fullest!

 

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • 2 months later...
goldieloc Newbie

goldieloc

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hello guys!

 

Just wanted to say Hello and Happy New Year!

 

I am doing ok and I am grateful that I am stable, even though I am on medication.

My recovery is not perfect, but I prefer to focus on the positives :)

 

Sorry that I am not coming here often. I realize going back on the pills, contradicts with the ultimate goal of the people here, so I'm not the best example. Nonetheless I got my life back, so you might say it's somewhat of a Success story. :)

 

Wish you all a withdrawal-free year, filled with joy and optimism!

 

Best regards,

Goldie

2004 - I was put on Lexapro 10mg. After year and a half I felt good and stopped it abruptly with no problems.
2006 - I relapsed after highly stressful time at university. I was put on Anafranil (Clomipramine) 2x25mg per day. Stopped abruptly after 8 months, no withdrawal.
2008/2009 - crashed again due to highly stressful work environment. I was put on 2x75 Effexor and was told not to stop this time.
2013 - Went to a new doctor and was put on Celexa 20mg, didn't affect me well after 3 months, switch to Anafranil 2x25 for 3 more months, I was not getting better. Changed doctors again and was put on Lexapro 30mg/daily.
2014 - After 8-10 months on 30mg per day I decided that I wanted to try alternative methods as 10 years of medication led to nothing. Started decreasing 30-25-20-15-10mg changing the dose every 2-3 weeks. No withdrawal until jump from 10-5mg. I couldn't stay still, shaking constantly, muscle pains, vertigo, vision disturbances for 2 weeks. After a month and a half I felt well and went from 5mg to 0.

28 July 2014 - Stopped Lexapro. 6 days after the physical sympoms started, got better with B-Complex and Omega fish oils. 2 weeks after off the drug the anxiety and panic attacks started and progressed with the time. After 5 weeks I decided that something is wrong , searched for help/answers and arrived here.

4/Sept/2014 reinstated on 5mg. Too much for my sensitized CNS. Next day tried 2.5mg, a bit better. Problems with constant shaking, muscle twiches and trouble falling asleep.
25/Oct/2014 Still at 2,5 mg, Muscle pain & cramps, Insomnia, Eye problems (Light sensitivity, Eye dryness, Many eye floaters), Anxiety, Very sensitive to sounds, High heart rate, depression Oct-Dec 2015 no medication

Jan/2015 - now | New  Effexor 225mg, Abilify, Lamictal 100mg, feeling good, won't be making changes anytime soon.

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bubble Rookie

bubble

Posted
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Goldieeee,

 

I'm so happy to hear from you! I even have a proof that I had been thinking about you:

 

There was a member here on lexapro who was having lots of difficulty and then seems to have stabilised on other drugs. He went through real hell. We haven't heard from him for a while.

 

I'm glad that you don't really think we are fundamentalists and that going back on pills isn't making you welcome here. We just care that you are well! No matter what works for you. 

 

The problem is that for many people drugs just don't work any more :( 

 

Tell us more: how are you doing, what are you doing?

 

It really made mu day hearing from you :)

 

Happy New Year and continued healing to you too.

 

Bubble

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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LexAnger Rookie

LexAnger

Posted
Posted

Thank you so much for getting back and updating!

I'm so happy to hear you are doing well!

 

Bubble said it so well! We just want you to feel well. You are definitely a success story and it's amazing you are functioning well after such a horrible experience!

 

Looking forward to hear from you for more and continuous great news!

 

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • 1 year later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
bubble Rookie

bubble

Posted
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

It's been so long and I take it this is a sign you are doing well.

 

There is this very important survey that may give validation to what we have been through. Every voice matters.

 

In case you missed it here is the link. They are closing it tomorrow: 

 

https://roehamptonpsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6gSHZN88sOmHDlr

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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