Ssriwarrior: My taper off of Lexapro 10mg

[Ssriwarrior]

Hey there, 

 

So it's taken me awhile to work up the courage to share my story.  My journey with SSRI's began when I was 9 years old.  In hindsight, I think it was a combination of being on a string of antibiotics (with everything we know about the gut/mind connection now) and living in a hugely dysfunctional family (i'm an empath/highly sensitive and tend to feel the emotions of others) that started my "depressive" symptoms.  I also had a depressed mother (since giving birth to me) and she too was on Prozac so it only made sense to put me on it as well I guess?  the medicating of young children never ceases to amaze me.  I developed no appetite, because Prozac is way stimulating to a 9 year old brain and then they started saying I was anorexic.  I was hospitalized and medicated some more, but did everything the doctors said so that I could get out and go back to the dysfunction of my family life.  

 

Around age 10 I started to wean myself off of the Prozac.  I did this without my mom's knowledge and started hiding the pills in my mouth.  I knew at that age that the drug did not make my body feel good.  Yet I believed this crazy idea that my brain was broken and I was weird.  Fast forward through my parent's divorce at age 11, me starting to experiment with drugs and alcohol at age 14…i was still a good kid, didn't get into trouble made good grades, but never felt normal in terms of my emotions.  

 

I moved away at 18 to a different city for college and was going through a stressful transition.  I got back on an ssri at the age of 18 (zoloft 50mg) and remained on it for approximately 6 years at that dose. in graduate school i switched to prozac 20 mg and stayed on that for 5 more years, then switched to prozac 40 mg.  I got pregnant at age 28 and reduced my dose to 20 mg during pregnancy.  I really wanted to breastfeed and slowly tapered off by a few weeks postpartum.  obviously going through ssri withdrawals during the postpartum period I ended up starting lexapro 10 mg and have been on it for the past 3 years.  in 2013 I had what I consider to be a spiritual awakening (based on a decade long yoga practice and practicing other forms of spiritual healing methods) and realized that the drugs actually made me feel anxious and not inside my body.  i was also turned onto the renegade psychiatrist books (such as Peter Breggin) and my eyes were opened completely to the dangers of ssri.  I should add that I have been working in the mental health field for about 10 years now.  so the plot thickens.  at one point I worked briefly for an inpatient psychiatry facility that tested new psychotropic drugs coming to market, so I have seen first hand how the drug companies "do" research. 

 

In september 2013, I began a 10% taper of the 10mg of lexapro.  my goal was initially to do 10% a month but there were some reductions that I stayed at a dose for longer…now in september of 2014 I am at 2.5mg.  

 

I have noticed predictable mood symptoms each time I reduce the dose.  first a bit of hypomania (nothing that gets me in trouble), then a few weeks of heightened anxiety, then a leveling out where I feel much better and actually feel at home in my body and way less anxiety.  my most recent reduction to 2.5 brought 2 weeks of super intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders.  i'm a pretty active person and to have that amount of pain felt a bit debilitating.  I began supplementing with SAM-E, did a lot of acupuncture and am feeling a lot less pain this week.  have had more anxiety than in previous reductions, but i also had to go a little more than 10% (closer to 12) due to it getting really challenging to slice the 5mg tab.  I am going to check into making my own oral solution…have a prescription for the liquid lexapro, but it is close to $200 and I'm still trying to figure out if it is gluten free.  does anyone know? 

 

THANK YOU all for reading this and supporting me.  it means the world to finally tell my story.  most of my friends and family have no idea I've been on antidepressants for 15+ years, that I was medicated as a child, or that I'm currently withdrawing, so it feels like such a relief to just get it out there.  and to know that y'all understand.  

 

this withdrawal process is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  It has been like peeling back layers of myself, my humanity, my personality and not knowing exactly what is me, what is the drug withdrawal, and what is normal.  but all in all I feel so much better, so much more alive, and more engaged with life.  it's just been rocky getting there.  

 

 

[Narcissus]

Hello ssriwarrior, thanks for sharing your story with us!  There's a lot that's familiar and a lot that's frustrating (I can't believe they put you on anti-depressants as a nine year old!).  It sounds like you've got your responses to each drop in your taper figured out, which is terrific.  You sound very level-headed overall.  I'm not sure whether or not the lexapro liquid is gluten free, you might try scrounging through this thread and see if it clears anything up for you:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

 

If you want my opinion, I'd say that liquid would be the way to go.  People often struggle at the end of their tapers, so I think it pays to be more precise/careful.  

 

 

 

this withdrawal process is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  It has been like peeling back layers of myself, my humanity, my personality and not knowing exactly what is me, what is the drug withdrawal, and what is normal.

 

This resonates with me quite a bit.  I continue to be amazed at how long, dark and deep this process is.  But we're in it together.

 

Good luck ssriwarrior, sounds like you're well on your way to being healthy and drug-free.  

[bubble]

Hello ssriwarrior and welcome to SA from me to!

 

Your story is both sad and inspiring: despite all the difficulties you won all of life's major battles. I really admire you. 

 

I'm also very glad you found us to help you with the last stages of your journey. In addition to what Narcissus said, I would really like to encourage you to take things even slower from now on. Here is our thread with explains the scientific foundation behind the need to taper extra slow at low doses. Just look at the charts to see what happens in our brains when the level of drugs in our system drops beyond a certain point:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6036-why-taper-paper-demonstrates-importance-of-gradual-change-in-plasma-concentration/

 

We also recommend tapering by 10 % of your current dose. This means that the reductions you were making were, despite appropriate holds, becoming increasingly too much for your CNS to deal with. Going from 4 to 2.5 mg is almost 50 % drop so no wonder your sysmptoms flared up. If we go too fast for our CNS to regrow and rewire, no remedies or supplements can help us from the chaos we cause. Actually some/most supplements cause even more problems in an already sensitized CNS. 

 

It's great you are doing this long holds to allow your brain to regrow itself but from now on you should also make a much gentler cuts. Withdrawal symptoms have this delayed effect so I wouldn't be surprised if you were still to feel the consequences of the last big cut. Coming off too fast causes withdrawal syndrome which actually mimics our initial conditions except that it is even more severe. In such situations psychiatrists usually tell their patients that this is a proof of their mental illness and that they cannot function without medication. In reality we have just sabotaged ourselves by going too fast.

 

I would advise you to hold until symptoms subside and use that time to inform yourself on coming off safely (even more slowly than you have been doing so far).

 

Here is the link to our thread which explains how to make liquid from tablets. A lot of people are doing it and it's not at all complex. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

You will find a lot of valuable information here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/300-important-topics-in-the-tapering-forum-and-faq/

 

Also come here with any questions you might have and keep us posted about your progress. You will find  a lot of friendly support here.

 

Once again, welcome.

 

Bubble

[andy]

Good luck warrior I can't grasp that a doctor would put a 9'year old on an ssri ,shocking beyond belief

Take care

[btdt]

Hello and welcome.  Seems your doing a good job getting off the drugs so far and the bits of advice given seem solid from what I know of taper I did cold turkey so can't give personal experience on that aspect of this trip.  I lived thru a lot of fallout due to drugs and actually know a 9 year old who was on zoloft for awhile when that did not work they gave him resperadol not spell right but it is an antipsycotic ... sure was nutty on that drug.  Now drug free and hoping against hope that no more drugs are given but I have no say just a witness. 

I am glad your getting free.  

Take it as slow as you need to as fast can take away life as you know it... that is my best advice. I wish you peace. 

[areyouthere]

I do not know if the liquid is gluten free or not. Have you called the pharmacist and asked? I wonder if he/she could tell you for sure.

 

I understand the dilemma with the liquid and price. I am toward the end of my taper from 20 mg lexapro to 10 mg and am having a similar problem with that last tiniest cuts from the tablets.

 

I was lucky and got a 15ml bottle of the liquid from a Canadian pharmacy. No one seems to carry it in that amount anymore though but not sure. I'm treating it like gold... hoping it will last until I am down to 10 mg.

 

I personally did not have success with making the liquid lexapro from the tablets although there are very clear directions on this site & I had good success with making liquid for my xanax.

 

It would be worth a try to make your own and see how it goes, otherwise I would suggest to bite the bullet and get the liquid.

 

You should be congratulated on such a successful taper and the LAST thing you would want to do is "jump off" at the end and have a huge set back. As a matter of fact ( and I am not exaggerating) I would pay $500 to just BE in your position right now and wouldn't even sneeze at another $500 for a bottle of liquid lexapro to be able to taper successfully to ZERO lexapro? WOW!!!!! Good for you!!!

 

Anyway.... welcome, congratulations and I wish you continued success for a successful final tapering experience!

 

RU  

[btdt]

$500 lol that is a lot of money :0

well it is now but it did not use to be... would make an interesting thread what is worth to you to be done withdrawal now what would you pay....???

 

lol... 

 

when it first hit I had some cash... 

I would have paid 50,000 to lets say $70,000... to be done with the pooped out never have seen cold turkey and just be well and get on with my life... 

 

don't bother offering now magic fairies as all that money is gone so is the house the car and a lot more money... it takes a lot of cash to live when you don't work for 8 years ...

 

where I am you can't get any help as long as you have assets for good bye assets...

I have nothing now... happy big pharma... is taking all enough or what?

[Altostrata]

healthwarehouse.com is somewhat less expensive.

[Ssriwarrior]

THANK YOU all for your feedback and suggestions.  

 

I'm still at 2.5 at the moment as I've had a lot of stress at work this month and am still trying to figure out my next move.  It sounds like liquid is the way I need to go.  And just to clarify, from 2.5, what would be an appropriate reduction next?  down to 2?  

 

I wanted to continue expressing my thoughts regarding the withdrawal and drugging process....

 

First, based on my experience and reading the experiences of many others on this forum, it truly feels like psychotropic drugs (without a proper consent of the TRUE risks) is a crime against humanity.  It feels to me like mind control at it's finest.  I'm not a conspiracy theorist.  I'm really not; but when you look at what the pharmaceutical industry has done to our mental healthcare system, it really just shakes me to the core at how much power and control the marketing departments have of the pharmaceutical companies.  They have so much power that they have literally created and perpetuated this huge myth of chemical imbalance and medical model of mental health and the general public believes it!  So when you start to become a voice of dissent (at least within the mental health community) you begin to look like "the crazy one" for not believing the lies that are sold to us via direct to consumer advertising.  

 

And don't get me started on what this does to a child.  To be medicated at such an early age when the brain is still developing.  It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about what we are doing to the children and the future of our county with these medications.  

 

Personally, I was told by my psychiatrist and OB that it was perfectly safe to take an SSRI when I was pregnant.  In fact, ALL of the doctors scared the **** out of me by convincing me that it would be more dangerous to go through a depressive episode during pregnancy than to take the medication.  I now know that is total bullsh*t!  I can't take my pregnancy back.  I can't take exposing my baby to an SSRI back.  While she is 4 now, and delightful in many ways, she is also VERY VERY sensitive.  She had colic for 6+ months and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt by my mama's intuition that a large part of that was her going through withdrawals in the very beginning of her life.  Oh the guilt as a mother for taking an SSRI while I was pregnant, but I was being a good little patient and following the doctors orders.  I shudder to think of the long term repercussions this could have on my daughter's brain, but ultimately I cannot do anything about it now.  I WILL NEVER, EVER EVER, EVER put my daughter on a psychotropic medication while she is under my roof.  I cannot fathom what would prompt a mother to do this.  And once I am fully done with the taper, I feel the next chapter in my career will be using my experiences as a clinician in the mental health field to help mothers advocate for their children to find alternatives to medications.  All my pain will have a purpose.  I can't let this experience totally make me bitter, as it could so easily.  Instead I am feeling more and more empowered and passionate about educating anyone who will listen on the dangers of psychotropic medications.  

[Ssriwarrior]

Oh, and P.S.  I asked the pharmacist about gluten as an additive and she ultimately said "i don't know".  she suggested contacting Forest Laboratories directly, and I can't find a good answer on their website; the additives are words I'm not familiar with, so I'm thinking it may have it.  But it may be worth it to go with liquid at this point, to avoid the dreaded muscle pain withdrawal symptoms.  Trade that for GI discomfort, I suppose?  

 

The fact that it is this complicated to stop the drugs deeply troubles me!  If I didn't have a super strong will and major persistence, I would have given up a long time ago!  

[btdt]

Good luck with the taper and good luck with the new career path when you get to it. 

[LexAnger]

So well said warrior! I can't agree with you more!

I had a very similar tapering from 10 to 2.5 but in half of your time. Was great on 3-2.75 for about 2 months then severe WD started at 2.5 when I could not bear so increased to 2.7 soon. I used liquid generic for taper. The only but very severe symptoms after the increase is jaw pain. I switched back to liquid brand name but hold 2.7 for 1 year with no other problems until this June when I had to increase again due to other reasons to 4.5 and been changing doses up and down between 4.5 and 3.7 when hell pulled me down to ground with all possible symptoms.

 

Be careful about the generic if you decide to use liquid. Insurance and doctors can easily fill you with generic which I had unbearable jaw pain which led to switches back and forth and the current situation.

 

Also, 2.5 seems a very mysterious dose for many, and further tapering need to be extremely careful and slow. What you experience from 10 to 2.5 can be very different from 2.5 down. I would guess 0.1 or even smaller should be considered for reduction.

[Altostrata]

And once I am fully done with the taper, I feel the next chapter in my career will be using my experiences as a clinician in the mental health field to help mothers advocate for their children to find alternatives to medications.  All my pain will have a purpose.  I can't let this experience totally make me bitter, as it could so easily.  Instead I am feeling more and more empowered and passionate about educating anyone who will listen on the dangers of psychotropic medications.

 

 

Hear, hear! And women planning to become pregnant or who are pregnant need alternatives, too. A primary cause of maternal depression is a feeling of isolation and being overwhelmed. These women need friendly support groups, not drugs.

[Ssriwarrior]

thanks all!

 

question, venting, etc: 

 

this past weekend was bad.  On Friday night we went out to dinner and I had 1 glass of wine and a dessert.   I usually don't eat much sugar, but decided to splurge.  I am gluten free, and haven't eaten gluten in almost 3 years.  I am thinking, and in reading through some other's threads that I can no longer tolerate sugar. (or likely wine, but one glass here and there seems hard for me to totally eliminate!) I really think it was the dessert.  basically, the next morning I had SO MUCH RAGE.  and anxiety.  

And it felt like an inflammation response.  

 

Sadly my husband has a hard time believing that my diet could play such an extreme role in my diet.  He says it sounds like an excuse, which further makes me feel crazy.  I feel bad for him, because he takes the brunt of my anger so I don't unload on my daughter.  I also feel sad that I can't splurge anymore with one dessert after a stressful week.  I want to be normal dammit!   I think I can accept I can only have coffee and wine occasionally, but to have that dramatic of a reaction from sugar, well that just feels like punishment.  le sigh.  

 

thanks for listening  

[btdt]

All alcohol will have sugar... not sure if that is helpful. 

Hope the effects wear off soon enough and I know what it is like to live this way I don't like it either but it is better than the alternative... I am actually too scared to drink... not sure if that makes me a chicken or what but I have not interest in finding out what it would do to me. The last time I was coaxed into a drink I was ill before I finished it and had to go to bed. 

 

You might want to take a look at a thread called 

neuro emotions

[Ssriwarrior]

Thanks again for the support.  I'm so thankful to have technology and this website in as an option in my recovery.  

 

I was thinking today, how EXPENSIVE it is to come off antidepressants.  I almost feel a little bit guilty that my husband and I are in a place where we can afford the naturopath, self-care, supplements, eating clean, clean water!  It costs a lot of money to be healthy in our culture;  which is why I think most would rather take a pill than to have to put so many resources into wellness.  

 

All in all, I consider my diet to have been rather clean before I started the taper, but my most recent reduction has shown up as adrenal fatigue and candida on my bloodwork 2 weeks ago.  I know this is a part of withdrawal, but I feel so limited by my food choices and that there is a layer of grieving to that.  My husband doesn't quite get the food sensitivities thing, he eats whatever he wants; so it feels limiting with restaurants.  

 

Anyway, in reading some of the threads it sounds like I have made several of the classic mistakes (I feel like I'm taking about 10+ supplements right now!?) I will for sure be staying at 2.5mg for another month likely until things level out.  

 

I don't know how much weight to put into the "adrenal fatigue" and candida diagnoses.  If it's all withdrawal related, I know this will pass eventually, it just feels like my body is breaking down.  and that is kind of scary.  I'm only 33, so it's just hard for me to not worry about if this is the new normal and that I'll have to be so restricted and hypersensitive.  

[btdt]

10 supplements wow. 

That sounds like a lot to take all at once.  I do know naturopaths like to do that... I have a family member who tried that route. 

I am curious as to what supplements you take?

Could you share please?

[Ssriwarrior]

Okay so for now it is: 

 

Vitamin D3

Super concentrated liquid form of magnesium

MSM (methylsulfonylmethane)

Primrose Oil (for PMS)

Zinc (to counteract the copper IUD I have which was depleting my body of zinc)

Omega 3,6,9

A methylated form of a B complex 

Vitamin C

and most recently added the Gaia brand of Adrenal Health (Rhodiola and Holy Basil Leaf + Ashwagandha)

and Adrenal desiccated (standard process bovine adrenal) 

 

So I'm wondering If I need to ditch all of this and just take a multivitamin?????

 

In reading through the threads it sounds like the B supplement may not be what I need?  My most recent blood work showed that I was not metabolizing B vitamins and that is what prompted the methylated version. 

 

It's rather confusing!  And this whole have a physician oversee withdrawal is kind of BS because I still consult with my PCP (who practices functional medicine) and they still resort to pharmaceuticals to treat the withdrawal symptoms.  

 

Ever since I started the taper I can't tolerate pharmaceuticals.  I have had adverse reactions to : xanax, an antibiotic, a steroid, and a pain medication (when my ear drum ruptured from what I now think was fungus from candida?) 

 

So yes, just feeling overwhelmed.  I can willingly give up my one a day coffee, eat paleo, and eliminate most processed sugar from my diet.  I will be sad if I totally cannot have 1-2 glasses of wine a week.  I don't drink excessively, but occasionally 1 glass of wine is nice in social situations....in social situations it is really hard to explain why I'm eating like a total nazi because I'm not ready to share with the whole world that I'm withdrawing from an antidepressant. 

 

THANK YOU for listening.  

[Altostrata]

I would not put much weight into the "adrenal fatigue" and candida diagnoses.

 

I would NOT take adrenal-boosting supplements such as the desiccated adrenals. Withdrawal tends to activate the adrenals quite enough.

 

The entire ball of wax around methylation is questionable (see our discussions about this). Nobody knows how to treat it, if it is actually a problem. What it boils down to: Eat more raw green veggies. (I like smoothies made of parsley, apple, and ginger.)

 

It sounds like your practitioner is going the usual naturopath route, with lots of questionable tests and treatments. We have a number of discussions about this too. With alternative practitioners, you need to take the good and refuse to do the foolish. Few know beans about withdrawal.

[btdt]

Okay so for now it is: 

 

Vitamin D3

Super concentrated liquid form of magnesium

MSM (methylsulfonylmethane)

Primrose Oil (for PMS)

Zinc (to counteract the copper IUD I have which was depleting my body of zinc)

Omega 3,6,9

A methylated form of a B complex 

Vitamin C

and most recently added the Gaia brand of Adrenal Health (Rhodiola and Holy Basil Leaf + Ashwagandha)

and Adrenal desiccated (standard process bovine adrenal) 

 

So I'm wondering If I need to ditch all of this and just take a multivitamin?????

 

In reading through the threads it sounds like the B supplement may not be what I need?  My most recent blood work showed that I was not metabolizing B vitamins and that is what prompted the methylated version. 

 

It's rather confusing!  And this whole have a physician oversee withdrawal is kind of BS because I still consult with my PCP (who practices functional medicine) and they still resort to pharmaceuticals to treat the withdrawal symptoms.  

 

Ever since I started the taper I can't tolerate pharmaceuticals.  I have had adverse reactions to : xanax, an antibiotic, a steroid, and a pain medication (when my ear drum ruptured from what I now think was fungus from candida?) 

 

So yes, just feeling overwhelmed.  I can willingly give up my one a day coffee, eat paleo, and eliminate most processed sugar from my diet.  I will be sad if I totally cannot have 1-2 glasses of wine a week.  I don't drink excessively, but occasionally 1 glass of wine is nice in social situations....in social situations it is really hard to explain why I'm eating like a total nazi because I'm not ready to share with the whole world that I'm withdrawing from an antidepressant. 

 

THANK YOU for listening.  

I am always amazed when I see a person who can get thru this and still be social still have a life.. my hat is off to you. Not letting people know your in withdrawal I have to admit there have been times I have blamed my crap on other things as I just did not want to get into it... with some people at some times. 

 

What excuse I use depends on the symptom I am trying to explain away always changing generally I am not out that much not social so don't have to explain often at this point in the beginning when I had to hold onto walls to walk I use ear issues so I was losing my balance. so on and so forth. 

 

There are two other things I would suggest you look at here the thread on histamine and the one on MSG if they are issues for you it maybe be easy to figure it out. 

 

I would never condemn anyone for doing anything to get thru withdrawal with their life in tact short of hurting others and I can't see how that would ever apply.  Or themselves... second thought... mho if you can have wine and it is ok with your body then have it.  I know immediately that alcohol and my body do not agree.  I don't have to guess.  

 

From your list of supplements I have reacted to three D and B and magnesium.  I seem to be a strange duck on the D and mag still it is how I am.  Be sure you keep in mind that not everyone is the same so if your trying to force something just because it works for a lot of people think again.  We are just not all the same. 

 

I am like you and react to a lot of things including most drugs.  

 

If you have a wk where you don't have a social engagement and skipped the wine I wonder if you would notice any difference... keeping a journal on your health and any changes you make would help you to see if there is if you felt like doing an experiment.  

 

I found it useful when I was trying supplements too as my memory was so bad I could not recall what I felt like before I tried something and I wonder too if that caused me to let it go too far before I quit I would have to see an extreme reaction.  Figure now I am just better off with less of everything. Simple foods and I avoid MSG it is a problem for me and migraine inducer... wishing you peace. 

[btdt]

I would not put much weight into the "adrenal fatigue" and candida diagnoses.

 

I would NOT take adrenal-boosting supplements such as the desiccated adrenals. Withdrawal tends to activate the adrenals quite enough.

 

The entire ball of wax around methylation is questionable (see our discussions about this). Nobody knows how to treat it, if it is actually a problem. What it boils down to: Eat more raw green veggies. (I like smoothies made of parsley, apple, and ginger.)

 

It sounds like your practitioner is going the usual naturopath route, with lots of questionable tests and treatments. We have a number of discussions about this too. With alternative practitioners, you need to take the good and refuse to do the foolish. Few know beans about withdrawal.

Are you talking about the  methylation of folic acid here?  Or some other thing?  I thought there was a script to take for folic acid I am finding this confusing. 

[Altostrata]

I was responding to Ssriwarrior, btdt. Please read our methylation topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

[btdt]

I was responding to Ssriwarrior, btdt. Please read our methylation topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

I know you were talking to her.  I can't retain information on that subject for some reason or if I had I understood it wrong maybe some day I will get back to it.  Seems it would be easier to answer the question if you have the answer.

[kuppy4750]

I am starting my taper off of Lexapro now. The silly Psych wanted me to drop from 20 to 10 and do that for 3 months then drop to 5. I told her that I thought and felt that that was way too fast and would cut them up. he just looked at me like whatever, do what you want. I started to taper now and I have been on 18 mg {roughly 18- cutting isn't exact every dosage} for about 3 weeks now and I notice a difference. But nothing crazy drastic yet. I have had a few intrusive thoughts, but not sure if they are suicidal, just more like "i may not be here" or "what if i die" thoughts. It's odd. Thank you for posting your story for others. Any tips on tapering? 

[bubble]

I am starting my taper off of Lexapro now. The silly Psych wanted me to drop from 20 to 10 and do that for 3 months then drop to 5. I told her that I thought and felt that that was way too fast and would cut them up. he just looked at me like whatever, do what you want. I started to taper now and I have been on 18 mg {roughly 18- cutting isn't exact every dosage} for about 3 weeks now and I notice a difference. But nothing crazy drastic yet. I have had a few intrusive thoughts, but not sure if they are suicidal, just more like "i may not be here" or "what if i die" thoughts. It's odd. Thank you for posting your story for others. Any tips on tapering? 

 

Hi Kuppy and welcome to SA.

 

Can you please start your own thread in this subsection? Each of us has our own thread and this happens to be ssriwwarrior's  

 

You will find a lot of useful information and friendly support here. Also, put your drug history in your signature when you start your thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Bubble

[Ssriwarrior]

Thank you ALL for your feedback.  Again, I can't express to you just how THANKFUL I am to have found this site.  

 

I forget who said it, but the quote of "TRUST YOUR FELLOWS" really rings true for me.  It IS true that most of the docs (western or eastern) truly don't grasp the withdrawal process.  

What if we didn't have the internet and were trying to figure this all out on our own?  I would have gone back to my original dose by now.  Or maybe have added 10 more supplements to the mix.  

 

I have stopped the 2 adrenal supplements and I'm hoping that brings some relief to the overwhelm I've been feeling lately.  

 

I'm doing well with eating paleo (although I do miss sugar!!)  I have made peace with not having coffee ever again and have decided to cut out wine as well, as this 2.5 feels like shaky ground.  The fear keeps coming of "have I damaged my autonomic nervous system beyond repair and will I always have to be so restricted."  Hard not to lose the faith when your body is in flux.  But my faith in humanity is restored in feeling the love from this site and its members!  

 

So much gratitude for all your insights.  

[Rhiannon]

Hi SW. Just read through your thread and here are the thoughts that bubbled to the top of that stew that is my mind:

 

First, no, you are not damaged for life. All of this is going to pass. You'll be able to drink coffee and wine again, and do pretty much whatever you want, eventually.

 

However, at this point it is very crucial that you take your time!!! You took these meds when you were quite young, but you quit taking them it sounds like, so that's good, your brain probably did a lot of healing--it's very plastic at that age.  Then you were back on during those teen years, which is tricky, and you have had less of a chance to regrow your brain since then it sounds like, never being off them for long. You need to give yourself time to grow a new brain now. You're still young and your brain is still quite plastic, but it's a slow process, and one our bodies don't really know how to do since we never had the chance during evolution to develop good responses to anything like these drugs.

 

As an adult you've come down to 2.5 mg pretty fast--not terribly fast, but pretty fast--and I suspect your brain has some catching up to do. As you may have already discovered reading other peoples' stories, people often do pretty well at first when coming off meds, but then they get hit months out with a postacute withdrawal that can be quite challenging. This can be avoided by going slowly.

 

At this point I recommend, first, that you hold at 2.5 mg for a couple more months (at least), give your brain time to remodel itself and catch up with the tapering you've already done. If it were me I'd hold three to six months, given a history like yours. Then go to liquid for tapering--you can make your own (I think, double check the Lexapro thread) and it's way easier than it sounds (at least, pretty much everyone who does it says that). Once you start to taper, cut no more than 10% of your current dose; 10% of 2.5 is 0.25, so that would be your first cut if you want to go 10%. (Down to 2.25, that is. Then the next cut would be 0.225, and so forth until you get down to very tiny doses.)

 

Finally, in case you haven't read this yet, let me attach it here--I think it's particularly important for people who were started on these drugs young and took them during the years their brains were developing. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6447-best-of-sa/?p=91582

and

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6447-best-of-sa/?p=89902

 

Also: I know how painful it must be to feel that you might have hurt your daughter by taking the drugs while pregnant. I know for me, the fact that I hurt my kids because I was such a crappy mother when I was at my most dysfunctional due to the drugs, is the hardest and deepest grief I carry. But if it's any help, she's got a mother who is going to understand her sensitivity, which it sounds like you did not have. And her little brain is amazing and plastic and capable of all kinds of change, and given the love and support you're giving her, she's going to do great, I think.

 

Good luck to you. Welcome to the forum. Hang in there. Please take it slow--you're growing a new brain to last the rest of your life. It's worth it.

[Ssriwarrior]

THANK YOU, Rhi.  This makes so much sense and I appreciate your insights.  

 

It's true my own mother was not sensitive to my sensitivities (being an empath, food sensitivities, introversion) and so I tend to swing the opposite direction with my own child of worrying a little bit too much about any sensitivities I see in her.  

 

I've also decided to hold at 2.5 for a few more months.  It just seems wise. 

And a quick update, since stopping the adrenal supplements I'm feeling more peace and less fog.  So that is good!  Hard to swallow all the money I've wasted on supplements, but this is all a learning process I suppose.  

[Altostrata]

btdt, stop taking over other people's Intro threads with your very complex personal questions. Use search to answer them for yourself.

[Ssriwarrior]

Wanted to pop in for a brief update.  

 

Having been doing strict paleo and dropping a lot of the supplements, I'm feeling a lot better!  I am for sure going to stay with 2.5 a little longer than anticipated as historically winter/the holidays are a harder and stressful time for me.  I am going to get the liquid form in the next 2 weeks or so and possibly taper to 2.25 in December or January.  

 

Overall, I am beginning to have more access to my feelings, my body, and more awareness of what Dr. Breggin calls "spellbinding".  The ways in which the SSRI had muted or hardened my perspective on how the drugs were harming my body and my relationships.  

 

I have also decided to start back in psychotherapy every other week.  I have been working with a renegade psychologist (one of the only ones in my city) since I began my taper and had many months of feeling so much better i had stopped therapy for the most part.  His speciality is helping children get of ADHD medications, but he truly understands the withdrawal process (unfortunately he doesn't have prescriptive abilities).

 

I would also add that shamanism has been a HUGE part of my healing.  And my yoga practice of 11+ years.  My yoga teachers and shaman all know about my withdrawal process and have been very supporting in helping me to heal the energetic impacts of the medicine.  I can't stress enough how important I feel shamanism has been in my taper.  Working one on one with a shaman is what sparked my spiritual awakening and woke me up to the atrocity of what's happening with the medicalization of our human suffering.  

 

I'm finding that I'm having WAY more anger towards my mother coming up to the surface, as I can't help but blame her for putting  me on SSRIs as a child.  I recently found my hospital records and it turns out my father was a huge advocate for trying to get me off the medications.  Interestingly, my father was then labeled (axis 2 - paranoid personality disorder) by the psychiatrists at the hospital for his strong feelings that the  medications were making my behavior worse.  So that is how the system works, speak out and you get a psych diagnosis.  I was originally prescribed Impiramine (25 mg) at age 8 after many many rounds of antibiotics (because I had chronic ear infections) which leads me to believe I likely had food sensitivities from the beginning and the antibiotics destroyed my gut health and antidepressants were the solution.  And then the prozac started at age 9 when I was hospitalized.  I have lots of anger towards my mom because these drugs truly screwed with my development!  And would i have ended up exposing my child to SSRIs had it not been for my mom?!?  I have NEVER been able to be angry at my mom (and I've done over 10 years of my own psychotherapy) because she was always depressed and so fragile.  I feel like working through this anger is another layer of my healing. 

 

I'm kind of using this thread as a journal (I hope that's ok!).  The next entry I would like to self-disclose more about my job and what I do in this world and why my taper off of SSRIs is thoroughly complicated by my career...baby steps and building up the courage  

[LoveandLight]

I look forward to reading your next entry

[Altostrata]

Please do start a topic in the Symptoms or Finding Meaning forums about your experiences with shamanic healing and yoga.

[Rainbowyong]

 

And once I am fully done with the taper, I feel the next chapter in my career will be using my experiences as a clinician in the mental health field to help mothers advocate for their children to find alternatives to medications.  All my pain will have a purpose.  I can't let this experience totally make me bitter, as it could so easily.  Instead I am feeling more and more empowered and passionate about educating anyone who will listen on the dangers of psychotropic medications.

 

 

Hear, hear! And women planning to become pregnant or who are pregnant need alternatives, too. A primary cause of maternal depression is a feeling of isolation and being overwhelmed. These women need friendly support groups, not drugs.

 

Hi~

Im on medicine now, if I am planning to get married next year and have baby...

what should I do?

Should I go off completely before I plan for baby or? I'm kinda lost =(

[Ssriwarrior]

Hey Rainbowyoung! 

 

If I had the option, I would be totally med free before trying to conceive.  Doctors will try to tell you SSRIs are safe during pregnancy but they are NOT.   I don't know how old you are, but truly there is no rush.  Getting your body medication free would be my advice before trying to make a baby.  

[Petunia]

Rainbowyong, please start a topic for yourself here in the introductions section,  then we can get to know you, your situation and provide some help, and support if you decide to come off your medication.

[Rainbowyong]

HEHE!

Thanks for all the advise...