Ssriwarrior Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 I agree Broken. Since I never got all the way off the way I'm re-framing this experience is that I've learned a tremendous amount. About the drugs, about withdrawal, and about what is truly most important to me in life. I know it may not be popular, but at this point I don't think I can go on with my taper. I think I've been on the drugs too long. Or maybe my taper was too fast, but either way, I've accepted the idea that I may not get off. To have halfed the dose seems monumental. Call me a sell out, but at this point it is self-preservation. And I can still help others with what I've learned even if I'm never drug free. My current plan is to slowly slowly titrate up .50 until I get to 4mg and see if I can make it back up to 5. I'm not 100% clear on how often to updose but will take it week by week. Overall so far, 3 days in I do feel better. Still tired, but more hopeful and feel better able to engage socially. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 I think that's great, SS. Whatever you need to do to achieve an acceptable quality of life is all that matters. ((hugs)) January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted February 13, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 13, 2015 Halving your dose is outstanding! And you are not a sell out. You are being real and true to you. There is a sacrifice to quality of life trying to withdrawal from these drugs and we each have to decide what we're willing and able to sacrifice. Even though I plan to continue to taper, I have accepted on some level I may not be able to discontinue completely, and it may just be a matter of me being unwilling to make some of the necessary sacrifices that would allow me to. Three days in and feeling improvements! I think that's a great sign of whats to come. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
wantrelief Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 So happy to read you are already noticing improvements - that is wonderful news!! -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Day 5 into reinstatement. Yesterday was a hard day with return of SI, lots of anxiety. I tried some Passion flower for sleep the previous 2 nights and thinking that may have contributed. Stopped taking it. Went back to .50 melatonin and I ended up getting a 7 hour stretch of sleep last night and feel so much better today. Contemplating adding another .50 next week until I get up to 4mg.... HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I'm not so sure I'm "better". My husband and I had a fight this weekend because he is angry at me for not getting better. He's tired of my depression, insomnia, and low functioning as it affects him and our daughter. And I agree with him. It hurts that he doesn't understand what I'm going through, but I also can totally see where he is coming from. It is devastating to be losing so much and feel I made a huge mistake in trying to taper. Sleep is still hit or miss, up and down. I'd say i average 5 hours a night. Will start 3.5mg tomorrow. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I think this is wise..you can always attempt another time if you wish. But whatever the most peaceful decision is for you, I think is the best yo take. I also feel I may have to stay at a low dose, maybe indefinitely. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 For those who have updosed, lexanger in particular would you say doing gradually week by week is safer than a big jump of 1.0 or 1.5 mg? I Know there is no set recipe for updosing but trying to figure it out. It's been a week since Increasing by .50 and my sleep is back to where it was prior to updose. I've got anxiety can't tell if it's tremendously more given social/family stressors. I'm thinking of going up .50 again to get to 3.5 or possibly up to 4. Can't tell which would be more disruptive to nervous system in terms of stabilizing after... HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
LexAnger Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I only had bad experience with jumping from 2.7 to 3.7 (feeling great almost completely normal for one week) due to WD symptoms from topping ppi, then up dosed again 2 weeks after the 1st increase to 4.5 for a severe tension headache caused by pain killer for a cold. I don't know what the best rate is for up dose, or if it can be faster than lowing doses. It seems to me the final dose has more impact than the rate. Again if you go slow up dosing, you can avoid the harmful too high dose as you are testing it along the way. Everyone is so different really hard to predict. Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Day 2 of second .50 increase, so my dose is now at 3.5. Slept about 6 hours disjointed last night and overall feel improvement in mood, but not anxiety. For sure still feeling the cortisol in the am. Not sure if I should do one more slow increase up to 4, will see how this week goes. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Day 4 at 3.5mg and I slept close to 8 hours last night. Woke up once only and was able to fall back asleep. Was able to sleep all the way to 6:30 which hasn't happened in almost 2 months. Made a huge difference in my mood today. Hoping this continues! HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
wantrelief Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Wow - that is great news!! -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg Link to comment
Prestorb Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Hi SSRI warrior, in reading your posts, it seems to me that you should try to hold at the dosage you are at and give your system a chance to stabilize. I know you want to feel better, but I think up dosing so quickly is only going to make things worse. Have you tried chelated magnesium to sleep at night? I take 400 mg and it really helps me, you can get it at most vitamin stores. The chelated form is supposed to be more easily absorbed by the body. You have made so much progress, I hope you can be patient and just hold where you are for now. Best wishes to you! 2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety: 2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression: 2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep: 1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness: 2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD: 2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING: 3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero): 4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!): 4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016) 5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16: 4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD): Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety 7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too! Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks I appreciate the feedback. I do magnesium and practice extreme sleep hygeine every night. I no longer sleep in the same room as my husband because he snores and I want my life back. It's killing me. I am in bed by 9:30 most nights and have zero quality of life because my life consists of no down time/free time/tv. I agree I should hold and at the same time I'm so so so desperate for relief. Could my existence really get any worse? This is my own version of hell. I got poor sleep last night 3-4 hours because my daughter was up, my dysfunction is starting to impact her and she no longer sleeps thru the night anymore. She wants and prefers my husband over me and this whole experience is destroying my relationship with her. She tells me all the time she wants the old mommy back This has truly ruined my life! And my families! I cannot describe how traumatic the last 2 months have been and again I can't fathom living like this for another year. When I get sleep I feel so different and optimistic but today it feels like my life is over. Yesterday I felt differently because I got rest. My gut is all whacked out, haven't had my period in over 2 months and everytime I swallow my ears crackle from the candida? Fungus? Who knows. I'm not well. I still exercise and eat healthy about 10 foods I can eat. I just don't think anyone should have to live like this. So that is why I'm holding out for the updose, it's my last hope. Still haven't taken the Ambien but have it as a last resort. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 So sorry you're suffering, SW. This is hell complete with fire and brimstone. My grandkids want to dance with gramma. Instead they silly string the old lady sitting in a stupor on the couch. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted February 25, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 25, 2015 I totally get your desperation. It is hell. Absolute hell. But as someone who has been there recently (did you see my description in my thread?) and comeback from it I want to comment on something and hopefully you won't find it patronizing. This hasn't ruined your life... It's messed up the laste couple of months and it will be some time before its not in the front of your memory, but you are coming back from it. From what I've read you are noticing improvements with the reinstatement. This is a good sign. I wish I had noticed the small improvements when they occurred, I might have felt less hopeless sooner. Please don't put too much trust in your evaluation of your relationship with your daughter right now... When I was where you are everything was bleak and doomed. Now When I look back on the way I was thinking I almost can't believe it. You're on your way, warrior! 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 As always, thanks for your feedback and support. Another update. I feel very up and down. On the outside, my husband says I seem happier, but on the inside I don't really feel that. I'm getting more stuff done, but still feel like my life is falling apart. Since the updose, I feel more energy. And I've had some good/okay days. This past week I spent most of my time looking for a new job (instead of ways to kill myself) because I don't think I can be a therapist anymore. I have lost all faith in the mental health system and I'm socially awkward because of the sleep deprivation. It's very scary to think of starting over completely in my career and I feel kind of lost in that aspect because I'm trying to find something part-time so I can still pick my daughter up from school so my options are limited in terms of professional positions. I need something to occupy my time and a desk job that is mindless is my new fantasy. I'm fed up with the dietary restrictions. I want to drink some f@$%ing coffee and wine. I need some vices to cope with this torture!!!! I can do without sugar, dairy, and gluten, and most carbs/grains, but I really miss caffeine and an occasional glass of wine. I have dreams about them. It's sad. But what is more sad is my relationship with my daughter. I don't have the energy for pretend play. I still take her on playdates, activities, etc. but I cannot engage with her like I used to and it's sad. She tells me she hates me everyday and I agree and can see why she would. I feel like I am losing her and there is nothing I can do about it. I found a family/play therapist that we are going to see, but I'm terrified of doing that because I don't want to get her involved with the mental health system and labeled/diagnosed. All her issues are my fault and because I'm "depressed". It's sabotaging her development and I can't explain how devastating that is to watch. I have been sleeping back in the bed with my husband and that has caused some more disruptions in my sleep because of his snoring. I can fall back asleep but definitely has been more awakenings and of course I feel more SI the less sleep I get. But frankly I'm tired of living my life like a trapped prisoner of war. I want some normalcy back and sleeping away from him was becoming very disruptive and confusing for my daughter. I've given myself a deadline for how long I can tolerate this hell that has become my new existence. The updose hasn't made things worse but if it doesn't make things better within the next month, I really am going to have to kill myself. I've thought so so so so much about it and the logistics and it's not an impulsive choice at this point. If people really understood how devastating these drugs are and how brain damaged I feel, they would have compassion on me and not ask me to continue on with this level of suffering. My life causes more harm by continuing on in this way and I'm holding out hope that the dose increase will help somehow with my gut, sleep, and mood. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Lookingforhope55 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Hi there. I read your post and can relate to many things you said. There are moments where things can seem so dark and hopeless. I try to remind myself of all the things I've read here and other places that our brains are in the process of healing, tho there are times that's hard to believe. Don't give up or lose faith. There will be a day when things get better. I hope you find peace today. Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Okay so I've concluded that trying 2.5mg of the ambien really increased SI thoughts. I only tried it once and haven't had any more suicidal thoughts since, so perhaps the updose is kicking in? I still feel lots of anxiety but am overall feeling like life is more manageable. I'm still considering taking on a new job as I really don't think I can go on being a therapist. The thought of starting a new job feels big but I feel ready to work more because idle time is not my friend. Got a job offer last week to go back to research and may just do it. I know you aren't supposed to make life changing decisions during duress but it's where I'm at... HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 No more SI, since that one night of Ambient (which didn't really help anyway). Overall I've been getting much better sleep (without any sleep aids). 7-8 hours again and that is a huge, huge relief. I'm all the way back up to 5mg. Have noticed increased anxiety for sure. My belly is still distended despite eating so so so healthy (low carb, no sugar, no caffeine, etc). So the biggest hurdle right now is my figure. I'm not really gaining weight, but the bloating of my belly is very hard for me to accept. I've always been a lean lady. My other obstacle is my job. Now that I am sleeping, I'm trying to figure out if I can go back to working or transition to a different career. Regardless, I'm feeling better overall. Not perfect. Not 100% back to normal, but much better than even a month ago. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
LexAnger Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Hi Worrior, very happy to hear your good news! It seems the increase worked for you well. When did you start 5mg and when did you start seeing improvement? You may want to update your signature to reflect the recent changes. Enjoy the good night sleep! Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Still need to update my signature, I'd say I started to see an improvement around 4mg. What I did was take .50 every week until I reached 5mg. I'm continuing to feel more like a human being and have not had the horrible horrible SI that I was up against. I'm sleeping in the same room as my husband again and am starting a new part time job next week. I still have lots of anxiety (more than I did a year ago on the full dose) and moments of feeling brain damaged. I still have the bloating which is a big deal. Oh and I can't cry anymore! I used to enjoy a good cry and lately I just feel numb. But overall I feel so much better than I did 2 months ago. I question now if I should slowly go back up to 10mg and accept that ssris have defeated me and I'll forever be giving my money to big pharma. I just can't describe how terrifying and traumatic the last few months have been and if I can somehow lead a normal life addicted to these drugs then I might as well embrace it?? But then I think about the long term consequences these drugs have on my health and what happens when lexapro poops out and I need another ssri. Withdrawal again? This is a scary place to be...but I'm thankful for sleep and lessened suicidality. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 I am now contemplating updosing up to 7.5...I keep thinking I will somehow get back to normal but I'm still not there. Still have loads of anxiety and have started back with disruptive sleep. I am able to fall back asleep but find morning anxiety to be intense. I also have not had my period in 4 months and I would really like to get my cycles back on track. I feel like ssris have ruined my life and yet I'm going back to them because I can't tolerate life without them. I just want to feel whole again and it seems the longer I go, the less chance I have of returning back to baseline. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted April 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hello Warrior, I don't really have the answer to your questions but just wanted to let you know you have been heard. I'm on a very similar path as you (with the added "complication" of Xanax) so I'm very closely following your experience. If I remember the detalils correctly and from your signature things were more or less fine till you reached 2.5 mg? We know now that this is a turning point for Lexapro where things turn ugly... I've seen quite a few people improving just through holding and I'm sorry this hasn't been your experience. Your brain obviously needed more drug to be able to stabilise. But it might be hard to determine where that "up point" will be. Since you have noticed a significant improvement, if I were you I would expect further improvements to come from holding rather than from increasing the dose. But this is just a guessing game and nobody can know for sure. The way I answer your questions for myself is like this: if I taper slowly enough (more slowly than I can imagine and with longer holds), I will be able to come off or at least be at as low doses as possible while at the same time have a reasonable quaility of life. I don't think tapering has been an exhausted option for you. The first and foremost goal now is to stabilise and feel reasonably well again, normal as you say But if we want to think about the future, once you are strong again, you will be well equipped to deal with Lexapro again. I really believe in that, both for myself and for you Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Thank you Bubble. It's so so so so hard to know which direction to go. I can tell you this much that words cannot begin to even describe just how traumatized I am by my withdrawal experience and that I'm literally scared to try to taper. Maybe one day when I feel well again. Yes, I was doing well/thriving/productive/fairly happy until I got to 2.5. I'm slowly starting to function again, but I still have dysregulated cortisol and am still sensitive to caffeine, alcohol, etc. and eating crazy clean. For me, the belly bloating is starting to spiral out into psychological problems that were not there before the taper. I have always been very thin my whole life. I have always been very active. I'm a runner, do yoga 6-7 times a week. And I'm still exercising, but have a bloated belly despite the nazi diet and it is just bringing up ALL sorts of self-consciousness in me. I can't believe this is happening! I thought the insomnia was bad, but to lose your figure as a woman despite being extremely healthy is just devastating. I know that sounds vain. But I wouldn't mind a belly if I was having fun getting it (like eating donuts and drinking copious amounts of wine). I think it is all related to cortisol. I've tried the Seriphos and it helps me to feel drowsy at night, but overall I felt like it was making me more anxious, so I stopped taking it. Anyone have any success with any other supplements to regulate cortisol???? I'm desperate...again! I also still haven't started my period...maybe I wouldn't be so bloated if I could just have my cycle? It's going on 6 months now. My understanding is that if cortisol is in overdrive the sex hormones shut down. I want my body back!!! HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes..I've read this is linked to cortisol xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 SSRI, hi. Hugs to you. This is my only symptom and makes me feel horrible. Hope you find some relief and pass along any advice that works. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Dropping in for an update. Against my better judgment (because it will take even longer to taper now) I slowly bumped back to 7.5 mg. holding there indefinitely. And as much as it pains me to admit, I'm overall feeling better mentally. Way better. I've been working more (still in the mental health field) and socially I'm feeling more like a human being who can engage in conversations. Buuuuut. I still have lots of the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Bloating and missed period being the biggest challenges. Obviously still avoiding sugar/dairy/gluten/coffee. I tried having one glass of wine here and there as well as black tea and it exacerbated the bloating tremendously and increased anxiety the next day. It felt so so good at the time tho. Not something I'll be doing again and I can stick with the crazy diet if I can figure out the bloat. My pdoc has referred me to a reproductive specialist and is calling it an endocrine disorder based on recent hormone testing. I don't know why I keep doing all this bloodwork when its withdrawal related; I guess I keep hoping to somehow uncover the medical piece that will make protracted withdrawal a faint memory. And then I remember that even though I'm feeling better for now, lexapro is slowly killing me by altering my insulin resistance/gut health/sex hormones/thyroid/adrenals...one day at a time I suppose. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 29, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 29, 2015 Hi 'warrior-- I'm so glad you're feeling better, sorry it took an updose to do it, but taking a bit more time is better than feeling like **** all the time. I know what you mean by the bloating, very annoying. I blow up for a couple of weeks then purge for a few weeks the blow back up. Very uncomfortable. I haven't been able to tie it to any type of diet stuff either. I thought for a while it was excess sugar, but after cutting it out the cycle still kept going. It is great that you are having a better time a work and socializing more. ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Brassmonkey, What do you do to purge?? Thanks for being able to relate...how long has this been going on for you? Maybe it is more that the gut has so many serotonin receptors? And it's not a sugar thing? I truly hope this is temporary. It's almost as bad as intense insomnia and horrific suicidality. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 29, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 29, 2015 I don't actually do anything, just one day it all starts to come out. I guess "purge" isn't quite the right word, more like "relieve the backlog". Things aren't totally blocked, just not running properly. I'm pretty sure it has to do with all the receptors in the gut. If the serotonin levels effect our brains so badly, then they have to really effect our digestion etc. Thinking about it some more it seems to correspond somewhat with my reduction schedule. Starting up with the drop in dose and sorting itself out by the time I ready to do the next drop. This has been on and off for about a year now, and in general has improved a bit as my dose has gotten smaller. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 So I'm determined to figure out how to ease my current symptoms of gut bloat and missed periods. I stumbled upon this article which I think more people in withdrawal need to read. I have been following a pretty strict Paleo diet for the past 8 months, and I"m thinking I need to add more healthy carbs. The part about the HPA axis and the gut is very interesting. How a low-carb diet is ruining your life: http://chriskresser.com/is-a-low-carb-diet-ruining-your-health/ Hypothyroidism and HPA Axis Dysregulation (Adrenal Fatigue)Hypothyroidism is one of the most commonly cited medical reasons for needing to eat a moderate carb diet. The main reason why carbs affect thyroid function so directly is because insulin is needed for the conversion of the inactive T4 hormone into the active T3 hormone, and insulin is generally quite low on very low carbohydrate diets. So if you’ve suddenly started developing hypothyroid symptoms on your low carb diet, it’s a pretty good sign that you’d be better off upping the carbs (and getting your thyroid tested if you haven’t already!) For more about how low carb dieting affects your thyroid, listen to this great interview with Chris by Jimmy Moore. HPA axis dysregulation, also known as adrenal fatigue, is another condition where a moderate carb intake is important for general health. Kelsey and I talked about adrenal fatigue on our first Ask the RD podcast, so listen to it if you’re unfamiliar with this condition. The main hormone that gets dysregulated in adrenal fatigue is cortisol, and cortisol has been shown to increase on a low carb diet. This means that a low carb diet is a potential adrenal stressor in susceptible individuals. Combine that with a stressful job, inadequate sleep, and overexercise, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for adrenal burnout. So if you have adrenal fatigue, or if your current lifestyle is already high stress in a few different areas, you may want to increase your carb intake until you can get those additional stressors under control, as you may drive yourself into adrenal fatigue by having a chronically elevated cortisol output. Lara Briden has written a great article on the benefits of whole food carbohydrates in lowering cortisol and raising GABA, a calming hormone that is often low in adrenal fatigue patients. If you’re experiencing symptoms of hypothyroidism or adrenal fatigue, you may be worsening them with a well-intentioned low carb Paleo diet. I recommend working with someone to help you figure out if your diet is indeed making these symptoms worse, and how to change what you eat to better support your thyroid and adrenal health. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
btdt Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 It sound like motility is part of the issue. Yet most things i tried including drugs like domperione something like that... real bad anxiety... so I found other things that helped hit or miss but I have bloat still think it may be that... I can't walk now due to I think unrelated car accident issues...but when I could walk I did walk a lot. After eating I walked it helps to massage the innerards and get things moving. When there is a back log lemon and water will often work but it needs to be warm... if that does not do it.. this most likely will warm prune juice. I had surgery in 2013 and this became a BIG issue again.. I searched all the forums for the surgery I had and found this online from a retired nurse she said people could not leave hosp after this surgery untill they had a bowel movement ... this is how they got them to move... warmed prune juice. Way better for your body than any pills.. water walking a table spoon of bran ... put it on anything or in your meatloaf if you eat meat. There is a product miralax...I do not like it much really but it does work I always feel unwell after I use it.. not sure why but it does work. My GI doc said this is like what they use for bowel prep before surgery... I don't think it is exactly the same maybe milder. Still it does work. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 That is half a fresh squeezed lemon in a full cup of warm water was my mainstay for a time. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks btdt! I don't have a problem going, in fact I go quite often. No amount of BMs seem to impact the bloat. So I'm convinced it is underlying candida. I burp a lot after i eat. I have been avoiding sugar of any kind for 8 months now, and have been in a state of ketosis (per recent labs) because my diet was too low carb. and here is the kicker, apparently when the body is in ketosis it breeds candida. the bacteria feed off ketones. WTF?! So my ultra low carb diet seems to have caused more problems. maybe...it's a theory. I'm doing a stool test this week to get to the bottom of the bloating. I can't stand it anymore. maybe I'm throwing my money away, but I'm considering it "continuing education" in that I'm hoping I can somehow help others understand the gut/brain connection from my suffering. if 95% of the body's serotonin is produced in the small intestine, maybe I'm just royally screwed and will have bloating for the rest of my life??? I'd like to believe it is a bacterial overgrowth and I can somehow heal it... HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 4, 2015 Administrator Share Posted July 4, 2015 How are you doing, SSRIWarrior? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now