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Geminigirl: Hope for Healing


geminigirl

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So well thought and written!

I'm very proud of you GG! You have been so strong going through all the turmoil, and still you grew out of it!

Have faith in yourself and your ability of healing!

 

One day at a time, you will eventually get your life back!

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Thank you so much AliG and Lexanger.

 

Ya I really do hope to help people here. When I recover fully I hope to help many many people although I think my heart will want to just be free and be happy for myself first.

 

I have been damaged by these drugs ever since I was 21. I am 28 now...And to be honest I have little memory of my life the past 7 years which essentially means that these 7 years did not really exist. Conpletely wasted as I was not myself.

 

I am still going through very bad waves unfortunately to the point I still feel like dying and am in torture.

 

However I noticed that after an especially bad wave...I actually feel much more like myself from before the drugs.

 

Some of the things I am still dealing with are:

 

Mental confusion, not knowing who I am

Visual issues (I had a window today where I didnt have astygmatiam anymore...that was really cool. Like all of a sudden my glasses orescription wasnt right)

I still have unfortunately which feels like the worst of all- akathesia waves

I have also developed nerve and muscle pain as well as an inner torment feeling

Each day though I seem to get more of my persinality and thinking back. ON celexa and even just few months back my thinking was very bizarre and irrational..for instance I thought that I knew everyone here and we are close friends. Obviously I have never met anyone here in person and its just an online forum.

 

I think the increased seratonin in brain made inanimate objects and even online forums seem more real than they are (like I was living in the forum rather than participating in it- I know this part is prolly very hard to understand.) Almost like the movie honey I shrunk the kids were you go inside places and love there. This is a very bizarre side effect of ssris. For a long time I felt shrunken and like I lived within people...any1 had this?

 

Anyways...thank you both for the kindness.

 

I also want to say that I am sorry to all the mods here. This site really is invaluable and I feel I was quite mean or disrespectful to a few during the worst few months of withdrawal. Thank you for this site.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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You're welcome, gg. Please continue to take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Hi GG

 

So good to see things are going better for you. You are on the right track.

 

Hugs

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

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Thank you both for the support.

 

I still really wish I had taperef slowly like a lot of people on here but I found this site too late I feel.

 

Anyways,

 

I have been recovering at glacial speed and being on ssris as well as in withdrawal has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. I was chronically suicidal for 6 years basically.

 

Anyways...

 

I am not sure when I will recover completely. Might take a year or even two.

 

These are the things I am still experiencing.

 

There seems to be a pattern to daily withdrawal though it was gotten a bit different and better lately...please let me know if any of you guys also has a similar experience.

 

Morning: wake up still very tired, like I had no sleep. My dreams are still extremely vivid and I am still in them when I wake up. Takes about 5 minutes for me to not feel like im in a dream no more. It used to take half an hour and while on the drug I was in my dreams like the whole day.

 

After I wake up around 12 or 2, I start spending time with my family who has always been cold and distant. Distraction helps and being around them helps in any case. I do random stuff during the day like cook some food, walk around house and go out for a bit.

 

I have low blood pressure currently as well as feeling very tired throughout day. I mainly am just on automatic.

 

Depersonalization and derelaization hits about an hour after I wake up so thats y I am on automatic.

 

I am starting to understand reality vs my mind though. The drug made me trapped within my mind for years without an ability to differentiate the reality in my mind vs the real outer world. This led to erratic behavior, not being able to recognize parents and almost homelessness and suicide.

 

Around 6 pm, some akathesia and muscle rigidity returns as well as this tortured feeling inside. I still get flashbacks of childhood memories and confusion about where I am.

 

Around 2 am I go to bed and have another very shallow sleep and wake up exhausted.

 

I also still have confusion, difficulty with speech and expression during the day, kind of like slurred and slowed speech as well as muscle pain and weakness when talking. I stumble a lot still also and walk a bit wobbly at times.

 

Still also have random heart palpitations.

 

Anywayd thats my update for today.

 

I really wished to God that my healing would come much faster but it is as it is.

 

I have also a lot of work to do even when I am healed as I had severe anxiety and difficulty with attachment and getting close to people before the drugs....Its kind of hard for me though to work on these things while still in withdrawal for a variety of reasons..

 

I also get memory loss and apathy so that makes it hard to make friends in this condition or work on attachment.

 

Thank you everyone...Will update again soon.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Thank you drugfreeproff.

 

I hope Lexi does recover. I think you are a very caring father and its wonderful you are there for her.

 

I am currently very close to recovering I feel...I am getting longer and deeper windows. However I think I may still have withdrawal issues for a while in the background. Before they were very bad.

 

I dunno about others here but I also have to do so much work once I recover from withdrawal. I have many issues I have to deal with, issues I never really learned how to deal with because I was put on these drugs when my issues started coming out.

 

I believe I have a very severe form of attachment and dissociation disorder.

 

I am glad I found a therapist who can help me but its almost like I feel too tired to do anything after withdrawal and all I have been through in life so far.

 

Perhaps in a weird way withdrawal is a good distraction from my other underlying problems.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Hi everyone....

 

Hope everyone is healing fast.

 

Just an update from me here.

 

I think I jumped the bullet when I said I am close to healing :P hah..isnt that funny how withdrawal tricks us?

 

Anyways...

 

Currently I am doing much better than before. MUCH much better than I was 6 months ago where I felt like I was in a coma with no rational understanding or emotional control. That was one of the most horrible and scary feelings of my life. I literally was seeing the world as a child. I had no emotional help really either at the time which is why I was posting frantically here and also sending dozens of emails to my therapist.

 

Anyways,

 

I feel now much more grounded in reality and dont have much of the rem sleep disorder issues. I feel more balanced inside and have greater emotional control. I also dont feel as scared anymore. I know that if I do feel very scared it is mainly just withdrawal and it usually passes quite quickly.

 

I dont know about you guys but it seems like healing happens every second of the day. My vision and depth perception changes very often, I can see it happening which is quite bizarre.

 

I realized that I was living in a bell jar for 7 years and this was one of the reasons I wanted to die all the time. I didnt unserstand why I wasnt connecting to people. It was so so so unimaginabely horrible. Why someone would think that putting you in a coma like state inside a bell jar would help anxiety is beyond me. It is very cruel I feel to give these drugs to people especially young people. I am not sure if any1 here felt like they were alsl put in a bell jar as a side effect of these drugs.

 

I am happy I am coming out of it slowly but I feel sad because I feel I have to pick up the pieces of my life.

 

It was very hard for me to connect with any1 for so long that I stopped making ffiends or even wanting friends. I spent basically 7 years alone in my head.

 

It sucks cuz I am just have little windows of wanting to connect with others, most of the other time I am still apathetic which makes a quality of life impossible.

 

Anyways, just wanted to say that I am doing better although it is still hard each day. I still get body pains and mumbled speech and weakness often as well as being tired a lot. Most of all I feel angry these drugs were given to me. Very very very angry.

 

How do you guys cope with having to accept that you have lost years in your life? Any feedback would be great.

 

I still feel like a victim right now to be honest and it may take a while for me to get past this feeling...I think it is probably healthy to feel like you have been betrayed for a while before you can move on and accept it as part of your life.

 

Thank you everyone.

 

Yana

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Hi Yana,

 

Such a great update! I'm so so happy for you that things are improving and you are feeling much better!

 

It took me two whole years to get over the constant hatrats, agony, regret about what led to my Lexapro misery. I took it by myself per recommendation of a friend, and for a bad headache. Accepting takes many rounds practice over years but I eventually stopped ( still not completely) thinking about it. as my situation got lots worse during the taper, I don't really have energy to even think about it rather I have to focus on surviving every day and hour. I don't. Think it's possible for any of us to forget about this traumatic experience ever, but once we heal, I believe we will have the ability to forgive.

 

Also, what you are feeling can be rom the neuro emotion too. When I'm in a window, I would forgive all those I tend to hate during a wave.

 

there is a thread called finding meanings which might be helpful. I will see if I can find it.

 

Hugs,

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Here it is, there is actually a subtopics there for ' acceptance' too.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/12-finding-meaning/

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Hey Lexanger,

 

Thank you for the reply.

 

Ya...I think once I am fully healed I will prolly forget about this and move on with my life. I do believe it is partially neuroemotion that I am constantly thinking about the darn celexa and what it did to me...as well as ruminating on all the other bad stuff in my life.

 

I am not sure when all this will end but I hope sooner rather than later.

 

I am still not doing super great to be honest though...like it seems very up and down.

 

I think there were like a million changes the drug did to my brain and CNS and now it feels like a million things are changing once again as I am off the drugs. I feel like each day I am waking up more and more from a coma. Like ive been dead for 7 years.

 

I still have SI each day but its gotten better as well as the messed up thoughts, confusion, not knowing who I am etc.

 

Im trying to take it hour by hour day by day. My memories of the past are gettinf more vivid, especially the memories right before I took these drugs so perhaps I am getting closer to recovery.

 

Have a nice day,

 

Yana

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Hello people of SA,

 

Another update from me today.

 

My withdrawal wasnt too bad today. I am feeling more of `me` again from before these drugs. I feel the best I feel in very late evening, right before bed.

 

I feel so bad for my poor brain who I feel I abused with these drugs for years and then reinstated too much when I crashed back in September. I found this site in September and I remember you guys said to reinstate but it was way way too much. I panicked and didn't know what was happening at the time so I reinstated my full dose. I feel like that's when I really started being the most manic and psychotic. I was just taking way way too much of the drug. So in the end, things got worse I feel by the reinstatement of my full dose.

 

It feels great when I get windows during the day, but then quite hopeless and sad when the waves come back and my self disappears in a way.

 

I really don't understand why this is all taking so long, because I really want to move on with my life, but I feel I cant still and it is painful to be stuck in this place.

 

I think the mods here were right, that I will prolly be one of those that it takes a year or couple of years to recover still. I was on the drug for 6 years basically and also had a rapid taper as well as incorrect reinstatement and then rapid taper again....

 

In hindsight it would have been nice to have found a knowledgable doctor to get me off these things safely, but I just didn't know.

 

I think if I had found someone who tapered me off safely, now 2 years from my taper, I would probably be recovered or close to recovery....

 

But such is life isn`t it....I feel often we have to endure things that are painful and difficult and face things we don't want to face...

 

In the end, perhaps all is well though, despite our agony and unfulfilled dreams. I know in the end, there is this consciousness that was always there, my soul locked inside which never left me....I can never give up on this. I also see very clearly why I took the poisons and how I must forgive myself completely for all that I did to myself, because at the time, I did not know that I was actually loved, I did not know that I am worthy. Even in the agony and lost years, I am still alive. I feel like even in the greatest pain, it`s like I cant really give up, I don't want to give up on the potential of what my life can and hopefully will be. I don't want to give up on consciousness or the realization of myself as consciousness. I just don't want to give up because I want to know the truth, I want to learn what it feels like to really live.

 

I feel like I never got that chance to really live life. I was always in this bubble even before these drugs, and I really want to know, what is life like with freedom for once and love? I feel like I have to know this before I die, so I keep perservering even though I feel like I have nothing currently.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Hi Geminigirl, this is Rain here, as LexAnger mentioned to me, you are quite similar situation as mine!

 

I feel reaaly awful these days because 1 year ago I upped my lexapro dose to 20mg and had big reverse reactions! Then I dropped back to 10mg, I started WD journey. About 10 months of that WD, I started Akathisia, while in akathisia I started my first suicidal ideation, which is the darkest thing in my life, so about 12th month, which is 1 month ago, I cut my med to 9mg,there was a really good window for a while, but since last week, things went really ugly, worsening mood and suicidal ideations... I am confused, what I am really going through now, if you can help me, I will feel very thankful to you, many thanks! 

2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse. 3rd November dropped back to 10mg

2016 11th November taper to 9mg

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg, then Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg, 22rd-7.7mg, 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg. Failed one day Cymbalta trial, took back Lexapro, much worse Akathisia torture. Keep holding. 

May 22nd- 6.3mg, June 10th- 5.7mg, Nov- 4.4mg, Dec- 4.3mg,

2018 Jan- 4.1mg 

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I feel so badly for both of you, GeminiGirl and Rain, as well as everyone else harmed by these drugs.  A lot of people are angry with themselves for going on the drugs in the first place. I really think that anger is a bit misplaced; no one can go on these drugs for any length of time without a prescription from a health care professional. As I have long said, they give this stuff out like it's candy. But in fact, for a significant proportion of the population, it is brain-damaging, personality-destroying, and soul-crushing.  It is not the fault of the "patient" who trusted her doctor to help her, not to harm her.  And Lexipro seems to be one of the worst. Please don't blame yourself; put the blame where it is due--predominantly on the psychopathic drug companies. Read "The Truth about the Drug Companies" by Marcia Angell, who was the editor of the New England Journal of Medicine, perhaps the most prestigious medical journals out there, and who came out strongly against drug company practices. It is legalized murder, legalized deliberate harm. That's where the blame should go.  

GeminiGirl, you are clearly making progress, so be of good cheer. It is so apparent that improvement in protracted withdrawal is non-linear, exceedingly slow, very gradual--but it is definite, and it is ongoing, and it is happening as we speak. 

Drugfree Prof

Psychologist and Psychotherapist

Prozac 20 mg for approx 3 months during 2000, withdrew, no w/d sx

Prozac 10 - 30 mg Jan. 2008 - Dec. 2014

Ritalin 30-40 mg Jan. 2008 - Mar. 2015

W/d sx from Prozac started around 3 months after cessation--crying spells, depressed mood, lethargy; resolved in 8 - 12 mos. post cessation

Used and continue to use a TON of alternative methods--meditation, mindfulness, nutrition. supplements, exercise, etc.

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I feel so badly for both of you, GeminiGirl and Rain, as well as everyone else harmed by these drugs.  A lot of people are angry with themselves for going on the drugs in the first place. I really think that anger is a bit misplaced; no one can go on these drugs for any length of time without a prescription from a health care professional. As I have long said, they give this stuff out like it's candy. But in fact, for a significant proportion of the population, it is brain-damaging, personality-destroying, and soul-crushing.  It is not the fault of the "patient" who trusted her doctor to help her, not to harm her.  And Lexipro seems to be one of the worst. Please don't blame yourself; put the blame where it is due--predominantly on the psychopathic drug companies. Read "The Truth about the Drug Companies" by Marcia Angell, who was the editor of the New England Journal of Medicine, perhaps the most prestigious medical journals out there, and who came out strongly against drug company practices. It is legalized murder, legalized deliberate harm. That's where the blame should go.  

GeminiGirl, you are clearly making progress, so be of good cheer. It is so apparent that improvement in protracted withdrawal is non-linear, exceedingly slow, very gradual--but it is definite, and it is ongoing, and it is happening as we speak. 

I totally agree with you, luckily I noticed something wrong with the drug I am taking then I did research on the web and found this forum which is a life saver! But still Too many people end up with cocktail of meds to fix the problem that SSRI caused. 

 

I am in very hard situation right now, but I will definately not go back the dosage again, my life is ruined by these drugs and it is much much worse than my original symptoms. 

2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse. 3rd November dropped back to 10mg

2016 11th November taper to 9mg

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg, then Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg, 22rd-7.7mg, 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg. Failed one day Cymbalta trial, took back Lexapro, much worse Akathisia torture. Keep holding. 

May 22nd- 6.3mg, June 10th- 5.7mg, Nov- 4.4mg, Dec- 4.3mg,

2018 Jan- 4.1mg 

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Hi everyone,

 

Yes drugfreeproff, I agree its not our fault. I really didnt know at the time what this stuff was. I trusted the stupid psychologist.

 

I was in acute panic also when I went to see a psychologist so I took whatever they recommended.

 

My life and health has also been destroyed Rain. I am not sure if ill ever be normal again. The other issue is I never had a chance to deal with the panic disorder. If they had given me weed instead of this brain frying stuff it would have been better.

 

I now feel the panic disorder coming back but my brain cant really heal it cuz its not working and I feel like I am closed off from the world because somehow my frontal lobes and amygdala dont work right.

 

I thought about suicide today again....I dont know to be honest why I havent done it yet. I feel like I am hoping I will recover...but then my life still feels meaningless somehow, like there is nothing inside. I dont have any1 either to be my support friend or just be with me in this as well as my panic disorder....

 

My parents dont understand and usually make it worse.

 

So ya....what do you do?

 

Also, I thought I believed in happiness and consiousness...but now I dont know...I feel very cut off from my feelings and soul so how can I possibly feel consiousness? I go outside and even the trees and water look plastic now.

 

Also Rain- I would be happy to help you im just not too sure how. You can add me on fb and we can chat. I chat with several people on there. The suicidal ideation and worsened mood I think are pretty normal in withdrawal...I dont really know much about how to taper other than what the mods recommend here. My taper was way too fast and I didnt do it correctly.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Many thanks for your kind reply to me and sorry you are still going through the tough withdrawal like me. 

 

I am very happy to chat you on FB! Let me see if i can add you on FB. 

 

Regards

Rain

2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse. 3rd November dropped back to 10mg

2016 11th November taper to 9mg

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg, then Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg, 22rd-7.7mg, 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg. Failed one day Cymbalta trial, took back Lexapro, much worse Akathisia torture. Keep holding. 

May 22nd- 6.3mg, June 10th- 5.7mg, Nov- 4.4mg, Dec- 4.3mg,

2018 Jan- 4.1mg 

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Hey Geminigirl, I can't find you on the FB, can I know your account name? Thanks!  :)

2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse. 3rd November dropped back to 10mg

2016 11th November taper to 9mg

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg, then Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg, 22rd-7.7mg, 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg. Failed one day Cymbalta trial, took back Lexapro, much worse Akathisia torture. Keep holding. 

May 22nd- 6.3mg, June 10th- 5.7mg, Nov- 4.4mg, Dec- 4.3mg,

2018 Jan- 4.1mg 

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Hi everyone.

An update from me today.

I am feeling alive right now which is all that matters.

I am so so so sad and sorry to say that I think I messed up so bad back in Sept 2014 when I started my taper.

I think I was so intoxicated by the ssris a lot of the advice people were giving me here was just not registering.

I did something horrible in 2014 which was reinstated the full dose of the drug after tapering to 10 mg for two months. I think i suffered really bad and serious paradoxical reactions, kindling as people say on here.

I think ever since then my life has been truely truely hell. I wish i never reinstated that amount...I really do...I feel I almost cost my life by doing this

I feel I am now in reocvery from these paradoxical reactions and I dunno how long it will take to heal. I was clearly having severe kindling and I feel I damaged my CNS even more completely. Some of the kindling or updose reactions were hallucinations, muscle rigidity and pain, reliving memories of when I was a baby and child which were horrific and confusion and just a whole other bunch of stuff.

I think I was also very numbed by the ssris and just it wasnt registering to me that I should not have updosed.

As you guys know here, I tried tapering after that but I just was never the same after that...If I knew I would not have reinstated....

The kindling symptoms are not getting much better...I am having only small inprovements and it seems that when I feel I am improved or more healed the waves from the kindling come back stronger than before. I feel I am also not as numbed now and so when I hallucinate or relive my infancy now, it feels that much worse.

I know severeal of you suggested going to see a counsellor or someone else to help me during this. I feel I do need more help outside of the online forums I am a part of..but I also have deep trust issues from even before all this happened....I honestly did not know that this was going to be dangerous....I really did not. If I knew, I would not have played around with my doses.

Does anybody know if you can heal from kindling or adverse reaction on top of the withdrawal you already experience?

I feel it is a double whammy.

Edited by ChessieCat
changed obscentity

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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  • Administrator

I think we've mentioned this many times before, geminigirl -- you need to take care of your nervous system with self-soothing. This may mean not dipping into traumatic memories unless you have the support of a counselor or other caring person right there.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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GG . Please stop. You will get yourself banned . You know the rules. Some of us do have traumatic memories but as Alto said it's better to wait until you have some face to face support first before revisiting them.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Gemini Girl, please don't harm yourself. You should read over your thread to see how often you have had windows, however small, and to recognize that you are indeed healing.  It is not all bad. The world needs people like you who have been throught this terrible ordeal and who have come out the other end. Many people I know who have been harmed by the legal system in this country (and elsewhere) have gotten together, formed organizations, and reached out to thousands if not millions of others who are suffering in similar ways. That is how the world changes, and I think that is the only purpose in life--to leave the world a little better than it was before we entered it.  Everything changes and everything passes, both good and bad. Your symptoms will, too. My daughter has had problems with withdrawal very similar to yours, and she is definitely improving--yes, it is slow, but it is happening, and that's all that counts.  We cannot control life; all we have control over are our reactions to life.

I am willing to be your pal; please feel free to pm me off-list (you have my email address).

 

Very well said DrugFreeProf.

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for the reply drugfreeproff. I think your daughter is lucky to have you as her dad cuz ya the docs can put you on all kinds of other drugs while in hospital.

 

I am doing so so here. I am havign really bad waves though and they do not know how to help me. They just think I am angry and hostile on purpose whereas it is a wave and it is torturous and painful. They forced few drugs on me but I am still alive so I guess that is good.

 

I want to ask a question though....

 

 

IS there anything I can take for akathesia episodes/waves? or dystonia waves/episodes? I am getting both of them randomly once a day or couple times a day. They are waves though (they usually come and go)

 

Doctor suggested I try gabapentin...what is that and does it help with anything?

 

I dont know if it at this point its worth it to reinstate anything....I seem to be recovering, just have more waves than windows now. My doctor wants me to take some seroquel and ativan as needed....is this going to help or make me worse?

 

If I was to reinstate an SSRI or SNRI do you know which one would be helpful or should I just stay away from those? They seem to have paradoxical reactions now as when I tried even 1 mg of celexa I felt worse. I think I am one of those people who is hypersensitive to seratongics.

 

Is there any herbal medicine that helps with calming the CNS other than pharmaceuticals? I hope someone can answer these questions as I feel at a loss currently on what to do.

 

Thank you...

 

 

Yana

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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So sorry Ggirl!

I hope things get under control somehow.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Gemini -- We don't recommend drugs to "treat" withdrawal symptoms, even akathisia or dystonia.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Administrator

GeminiGirl, it is looking like your situation is too complicated for us to be of any help here. I'm sorry.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Geminigirl, I think you should not add any other drugs, I think they will make the situation only more complicated. And I would not take gabapentin, gabapentin is a precursor of pregabalin, which is the drug that I took. And the withdrawal of it can be more severe than from benzos. All the intrusive thoughts i had were from pregabalin. It is not a safe medication.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • 9 months later...

Hi geminigirl, some similarities in our stories. Mine is the other way around though...adverse reactions leading me to cold turkey and probably in wd now too.

 

Really good you got some windows from the akathisia. How're you doing nowadays?

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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  • 1 year later...

hi there,

 

How does zoloft make people feel?

 

 

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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Hi there,

 

Just wanted to give an update that im a success story! I cold turkeyed off of 10 mg of celexa because I wasn't in my right mind and I recovered. It took about 2 and a half years. I am going back to school in May and enjoying life although there is still a lot of room for improvement. I'm still trying to find out what I like, don't like, who I want to spend time with, etc. But overall, I am doing well brain wise.

 

I also got help in a hospital in BC and they explained a lot of things to me and helped me recover with an antipsychotic medication called abilify, which I am still on. I am hoping to taper this in a few months up to a year, depending on what my doctor says.

 

I still strongly think that there are some good doctors out there that know how to get people on and off meds and that genuinely do care about their patients. I feel I found a couple of doctors like this and I am happy about that.

 

I also attend a youth adult mental health group each week that helps me learn new skills to cope and deal with depression/anxiety. I am hoping once I learn all the skills and attend school/start a more structured routine, that I will be myself again and 100x better.

 

Nobody deserves to suffer in life and especially not because of a psych medication.

 

I wish the best for everyone on here and that their healing is faster rather than later.

 

Thanks!!!

 

Yana.

 

P.S. I  was convinced at some point that I would never make it and that I would never recover, like a lot of people on here do. I really was in a horrible place because my brain was missing some chemical or it was in withdrawal, I don't know which one...either way I was in a bad place, but I no longer have that dark and gloomy suicidal depression or any other stuff related to depleted chemicals or withdrawal.

 

I guess I am back to the same old me...but I still need to work on myself each day to not end up in a bad place again. (i.e. depression, etc.)

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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  • Administrator

Hi, GeminiGirl.

 

Really glad you're feeling better. However, since you're yet to taper Abilify, not quite a success story yet! Looking forward to that one.

 

Why are you asking about Zoloft?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Im asking if zoloft would help with any remaining withdrawal symptoms and or mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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  • Administrator

As this is a site for going off drugs, we do not take on recommending additional drugs.

 

If I were you and Abilify seems to be doing the trick, I wouldn't embellish it. It may take some time for your nervous system to settle down from your extensive history of drug changes.

 

If you have side effects from Abilify, please discuss them with your doctor.

 

Please update your Intro topic when you want to taper off psychiatric drugs.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Ok, thanks. I think abilify is doing the trick and yes I had an extensive history of changing doses with the celexa.

 

 

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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