Geminigirl: Hope for Healing

[geminigirl]

I have a horrible migraine right now.

 

It's been 8 months since I crashed then went back on original dose of 20 mg.

 

I read the post by Alto about how I should have probably reinstated like at 15 mg rather than 20 mg. I went all the way down to 10 mg at some point.

 

I'm just really upset that reinstatement never completely made me go back to how I was before the crash.

 

I never had headaches on these meds before my crash. In fact, I didn't think these meds were that harmful or mind altering because the only side effects I had was being tired and feeling a bit like zombie.

 

Why haven't I completely stabilized even after 8 months?

 

I can't even exersize anymore without getting bad headaches.

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you're having a bad day geminigirl. Are headaches the only symptom you are having now? Can you do any kind of exercise at all without them getting worse? Some people find that light yoga and gentle walking are more tolerable. Could the stress of intense emotional therapy be contributing to the headaches?

 

I'm thinking that perhaps 20mg is too much for you now and maybe you would start to feel better if you tried a 10% cut. Here is our celexa thread if you want to try:

 

Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

 

Maybe make a 5% cut, down to 19mg and see how you feel in a few weeks. If you taper carefully this time, you wont experience the withdrawal symptoms you did before.

[geminigirl]

Hi Petuina,

 

Yes, the headaches are the only symptoms I have now. And they really do get a lot worse after excersize. I feel weird now after excersizing too, like I get flare up of withdrawal symtopms.

 

The headaches do go away at times, but at other times they are quite bad and I have to take a couple of advils a day which I don't want to do.

 

It's weird that after 8 months they haven't gone away.

 

I guess I could try tapering to 19 mg and see how that goes. I'm pretty scared though the withdrawal would just be worse.

[geminigirl]

Do other mods think I should taper to 19 mg and see how I feel?

[brassmonkey]

Hi GeminiGirl--  I'm so sorry to hear about the headaches, I really hate them.  I do remember having one almost daily and then constantly from the time I pooped out at 30mg and updosed to 40mg until several years later when I started my taper.  I wrote them off to life stress, but eventually figured out that they were the paxil.  Not long after I started to taper they started to clear up and haven't bothered me in a long time now.  If they are your only symptom, then I think it is time to take the plunge and start your taper.  I think going to 19mg for six weeks would be a good way to start. I think I have mentioned to you before that I was scared to death to start tapering, but it was unjustified.  It hasn't been smooth sailing, but it sure hasn't been the nightmare I anticipated.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[geminigirl]

Okay, thanks brassmonkey.

 

I think I will try it and see how it goes.

[geminigirl]

hugs to you too brassmonkey. I needed one

[geminigirl]

Hi There,

 

I just started tapering...

 

I am making a solution myself by mixing celexa with water. I am going down 5% at a time.

 

Anyways, the celexa is very soluble in water, the only thing is when I went to drink it, it was disgusting and bitter. Is there any way I could mix the celexa liquid with juice? Like just dump the prepared solution into juice or milk? Otherwise I can't drink it.

 

Thanks

 

 

Also the way I am making a solution is measuring out a 10 mg syringe two times into a little plastic bottle. Then I put the tablet it, wait 10 min, mix it really well. Then take out 1 ml using a 1 ml oral syringe and then what's left is 19 ml. I just need something to mix the remaining liquid in as it tastes nasty.

 

Let me know if what i'm doing is precise enough and also what juices I can mix the solution in with?

 

Thanks

[geminigirl]

Also, do you think I could just use juice instead of water? What is the best juice I could use, that wouldn't affect the meds?

 

Apple juice?

[Skyler]

Gemini... I've merged your questions with your introduction thread as they relate to your journey.  Please read here for tips on tapering Celexa.  After your read through that thread, you could post any questions you still have there.  There are usually threads already in existence to help answer your taper questions, so please skim through the topics listed in the tapering section before starting new ones.  Thanks

 

I found Lyrica to be noxious in a water suspension the first time I took a dose, but after a few doses, I did not even notice.  You can get a better sense as to when the tablet is dissolved, and if the suspension is mixed evenly, when you use water because juice is somewhat opaque.  You might drink a glass of juice right after you drink the solution.

 

As per your discussion with brassmonkey in post  #118. He said taking 19 mls would be good as it was a conservative 5% cut.  I take it you are mixing a 20 mg tablet of celexa with 20 mls of water.  One suggestion... get a 20 ml oral syringe to measure out the water.  It would be more accurate as you would only draw up the water once.  I got mine from a compounding pharmacy.

 

edited

[Flowers]

Good Luck Gemini Girl.

 

Hopefully I won't be far behind you.

 

Wishing you all the very best with your taper.

 

xxx

[brassmonkey]

Your on your way Gemini Girl, best of luck.  Why not pick up some of those liquid flavorings for bottled water, then just put a small squirt into your dose just before you take it.  Worth a try.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

[geminigirl]

Thanks brassmonkey and flowers.

 

The pharmacist told me today though that it's not good to mix the celexa with water because the acid in my throat/stomach might kill some of the active ingredient in the med before it gets to my stomach. That's why it's better to just swallow the pill whole.

 

Is this true?

 

I can go to a compound pharmacy to get my 19 mg done there, but it's expensive that's why I wanted to do it myself.

 

Let me know your feedback.

 

Thanks

[Skyler]

Hi Gemini... in the previous messages, we have discussed at some length the liquid taper method Alto uses to help people get off drugs.  This site exists because most docs and pharmacists know very little if anything about tapering.  You could have a compounding pharmacist make up a solution.. but a liquid preparation made following the instructions you have already been given here will work just as well, be cheaper, and would give you more control over your taper as you would not have to have to advise your doc about every tapering decision, now or in the future..  but this is up to you. 

 

There are too many on this forum who need the type of advice you have already been given to rehash the topic and we simply do not have the time.   You are the one who needs to decide if you want to taper.  I realize you are anxious about the process, but we don't have the resources to get into hand holding.  The best way to alleviate your fear is to give this a try.

[geminigirl]

Ok thanks for feedback. I just don't know now how to make this darn solution taste better. It's so bitter

[geminigirl]

Oh now I know.

 

Hey does anyone know if I can drink apple juice with the citalopram suspension? What other juices could I drink it with?

[Petunia]

I don't know if it can be mixed with juice, but you could try this: Pharmaceutical liquids to make suspensions

[geminigirl]

Hey guys,

 

just giving you an update.

 

It's been 7 days since my taper. I am tapering 5% of celexa.

 

I just noticed the withdrawal symptoms today. I am starting to feel them. Even though i'm tapering 5%. Crazy.

 

I feel some nausea, slight headache, slight dizziness and slight memory/confusion. I also feel more like hyper or something, like inside my body is like over-aroused (not sexually)

 

I'm angry today because I was expecting no withdrawal at all because i'm tapering so slowly. After the drop, how long after I stabilize? Hopefully I stabilize soon and can do another drop.

 

Thanks,

 

Y

[brassmonkey]

Hi GeminiGirl--  It sounds like your taper is going quite well.  No matter how slowly you go, there are going to be some symptoms, even with the microtapers.  The whole point of the slow taper is to keep the symptoms manageable so they don't disrupt your life too much. Keep up the good work.

 

BTW, would you please update your signature to show your current taper.

[geminigirl]

Hey guys.

 

My taper is going well.

 

In 5 days I'm going to taper another 5% and then 5% every month therein if I don't get too many symptoms.

 

Question- I realized I forgot to put the last bit from 1 ml oral syringe into the cup I am drinking my meds from. Does anyone know what that amount is? In the last part of oral syringe? Does it amount to .05 ml?

 

Thanks

[geminigirl]

Hey guys.

 

I made a bad mistake last night. I'm in the process of tapering and I missed a dose last night and also got drunk.

 

I feel really crappy and the withdrawal feels a lot worse. Sweating, headache, sensitive to bright lights.

 

I know the worst thing is drinking while doing this but I was having a horrible day.

 

Do you know when I'll get better?

 

Thanks

[geminigirl]

Anyone?

[dreamspirit]

I reinstated my paxil 13 weeks ago after a bad crash and it took 6 weeks to start to feel better and then I felt good for a few weeks and then I had a stressful situation happen and seems some of my withdrawl symptoms came back. So I'm in this on and off wave for the past couple of weeks.

I'm sure it will take me months to restablize.. just in the same boat as you and it sucks!

[geminigirl]

Thanks.

 

I already stabilized actually lol. Yay

[geminigirl]

Dear friends,

 

I have not written on here for a long time.

 

I just wanted to give you guys an update about how I am doing.

 

I first wanted to tell you guys how much I am with you in this struggle to regain our brain functioning. I feel that we were all dupped with these meds, in my case it was because I used to trust doctors and professionals.

 

I have learned so much through this process.

 

I wanted to say though that I still have withdrawal symptoms, especially fatigue and brain fog which can be quite debilitating.

 

I am hoping and praying to god that these symptoms will eventually go away and my brain can be restored.

 

I am currently at 15 mg, down from 20 mg. I have been tapering for about 6 months or more now. My tapering schedule is 5% decreases every month.

 

Sigh...

 

I would love a bit of reassurance at this time.

 

Thank you.

 

Y

[brassmonkey]

Hi geminigirl-- congratulations on getting down to 15mg, you've knocked out one quarter of your dose.  That's wonderful.  WD Symptoms are a fact of life during a taper, the idea is to keep them as mild as possible.  The thing to look for is a general trend of improvement in the symptoms over the long run.  There will be windows and waves but it all averages out to what I call "WDnormal".  slow improvements in that is what we are looking for.  Fatigue and brain fog are two of the most common symptoms, and two of the most bothersome.  Both of them can be seen as signs of healing. Brain fog because the brain is working so hard sorting things out and correcting itself and fatigue because it takes a lot of energy for the brain to do that.

 

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[geminigirl]

Hello friends and peers,

 

I just wanted to make a quick message here as I don't like to come to this site often due to my anxiety and the scary stories.

 

I just wanted to say, that despite us having been drugged with these poisons, and perhaps had iatrogenic "temporary" damage, I think a good lesson to be learned from this is this which also helps in recovery:

 

There is a line in the bible that Jesus said: "Forgive them father, for they know not what they do."

 

I think it is quite important in recovery and in life to forgive. Forgive the doctors, the psychiatrists, and big pharma. That doesn't mean to say that what they do is okay, but the only thing we can really do is learn from our experiences and hopefully the pain we suffer due to withdrawal, etc will teach us that the main person we should trust (despite what society says or teaches us) is our OWN selves and our OWN heart.

 

I am positive that if you and I are able to do this, no doctor or big pharma can ever dupe us.

 

We must be strong and ask for what we really need in life, ask questions, really be your own biggest supporter. Then, nobody, not even big pharma will have any power over us. They would not even exist.

 

I also ask you guys and myself, to forgive our fellow humans. Even if they have hurt us badly, drugged us, and poisoned us, I ask you guys to forgive them because they really don't know what they are doing, in a sense that they are probably very hurt and dissociated themselves from their own hearts, hence they don't see probably or fail to see how they cause suffering.

 

Forgive them and forgive this whole poisoning process because then you can really be free from its chains.

 

I guaruntee you that if you forgive (again that doesn't mean what they did was okay) you will be much happier and your recovery will go by much faster. God will be by your side, as well as your own self, and other loving people.

 

Trust the law of attraction or "the secret" if you believe in recovery and take it easy on yourself and others, there is NOTHING and I mean nothing that can limit you.

 

So I ask your friends to let go and be free.

 

Thank you and much love,

 

Yana

[AliG]

Hi Geminigirl.     It's good to hear from you . I agree forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It doesn't mean what they did is okay. Letting go of the anger is a step towards recovery, as well as taking control of our own health .

 

Are you still tapering at 5 % each month ?   How are your symptoms now ?   Do you still have the fatigue and brain fog ?

 

I hope you are seeing signs of improvement and progressing well.

 

Ali

[geminigirl]

Hi Guys,

 

I just had an extremel scary episode.

 

I am currently on 14.70 mg. down from 20 mg.

 

Yay.

 

Except...Today when I took my meds, I was having extreme inner agitation and then mania and then I felt like I was on speed. Everyone was moving too fast and I couldn't understand why because my ability to think went out the window.

 

It was extremely scary.

 

I think I was a bit more stressed today hence why that happened.

 

It was so scary, my heart was racing and I felt this inner doom it was so horrific.

 

I think I will stop tapering now as that was extremely scary.

 

I have been feeling more alive though, not as much in a cloud or whatever. But that also means increased anxiety for me, like before meds.

 

Anyways, it was such a horrible experience though I thought I was going to faint due to the fear.

 

I still feel very off. I guess I am not used to feeling more of my former self as I used to worry ALOT before the drugs. I remember the reason I started the drugs was because I would get these feelings of doom, so I am not sure what is the drug and what is me. In a way I feel like the drugs helped me be not so scared in life and not have my panic attacks. So ya. The problem is that these drugs make my ability to really let in new info and do therapy a bt harder as I can't let in love as easily, etc.

 

But ya. It's so weird, getting off the drugs, it's like whole 6 years was not real, which is not good because I have been in life saving therapy for the past 4 years. I feel like as If I learned nothing this whole time because I guess my brain wasn't letting in th information? I maybe I just need to reintegrate it? Not sure.

 

Gosh.

 

This life is so strange and also scary for me at times.

 

Anyways, I am thinking now maybe I should updose cuz how I was before the drugs was kind of scary too since I was very very sick. I had severe depression and panic attacks.

 

If anybody has info or suggestions don't hesitate to let me know

 

Everything feels more real, and perhaps that's not cuz I means my anxiety feels more real. My therapist has taught me though that it is just intrusive feelings and that in reality I am ok. It's easier to feel ok with the drugs though....

 

I would love some hugs

 

I also realized I need more friends for support and comfort.

 

Thank you so much and GOD BLESS.

 

Love,

 

Yana

[geminigirl]

And yes. I am doing 5% decreases

[geminigirl]

I just wanted to say that after the horrible experience earlier today of the doom feeling and like I was on speed and everyone was moving fast, including extreme inner agitation/restlessness, after about half an hour to an hour of that, something great happened.

 

The cloud that has been with me for 6 years has lifted

 

The kind of numb/hazey feeling that I haven been feeling for 6 years. Not completely, but like 80%.

 

It feels really good as I feel much more alive now and real.

 

I am happy about this.

 

I just really really really don't want to feel those other horrific feelings of inner doom and agitation, and racing heart. They were horrible, I thought I would need to go to the hospital. Luckily, they went away after about an hour to half an hour.

 

Does anybody know if they will come back as I taper? I am assuming they will. Hence why I am sticking to my current dose for a while as I am not yet emotionally ready to deal with it. I guess that is what is good about slow tapering, you can slow it down, and the withdrawal will lessen.

 

Still though, it's crazy that I am tapering just by 5% and I already had a taste of that neuro emotion people always talk about. It's hellishly scary, as the doom feeling felt like I would never be normal or get out of the fear, its like my brain and rational mind checked out too which is very scary and dangerous too I would say, because if I didn't know that these feelings are just withdrawal and might pass, who the heck knows what I could have done.

 

Feedback/your experiences would be appreciated.

 

Yana

[Flowers]

Hi Gemini Girl

 

I am a fellow taperer of Citalopram and am way behind you but read your posts with interest. You are my inspiration and trail blazer!

 

I am so sorry you have had a bit of a blip and felt so awful. Did anything else happen in your life that could have set you off balance?  Did you take any other meds or food/drink that could have overstimulated you?  If not I am guessing it must be the tapering maybe catching up with you even though you have gone very carefully and slowly.  Hopefully with holding you will settle down and not see any recurrence of these symptoms so you can continue to taper.

 

I have not had any symptoms like that as yet but of course did have when WD hit. I am tapering at 5% a month too as am too scared to go any faster - just want to make sure I am as well as possible during tapering even if it takes a long time.

 

I am pleased for you that you are now feeling more clear headed and alive - that is such great news !!!

 

We must keep ploughing on - things must be better for us without these awful drugs in our body. You are doing great.

 

I wish you well.

 

Flowers xxx

[geminigirl]

Dear Flowers,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

I really do appreciate them so much, especially as I am still a bit of a hermit due to the withdrawal lol. It helps to know others out there care and understand. Thanks again.

 

Yes, I think I will hold for a while since that last withdrawal symptom of doom and like I was on speed was horrific.

 

I honestly can't imagine the people that felt like that for months or weeks. I mean it is obviously not right.

 

Today I had headaches still and inability to concentrate again. The headaches come and go throughout the day but when they are there, they really hurt as it hurts to move my eyes.

 

I am trying to be level headed though and not get carried away with negative thinking like "I wish I wouldn't have gone on this stuff, doctors, pharma are evil, etc." as it only makes me suffer in the end.

 

I realized that the goal in my life is just "to be happy" and "free." To really find myself.

 

I am sure if it wasn't for the pain we are all going through now (as well as the pain of my past.) I would never be able to appreciate the delicate nature of life, and how precious and short it is.

 

That's why I think it's so important to really honour and treasure things like our brain and hearts, and always listen to our intuition. We do not want to pollute our brains or minds or bodies, etc. because we are all sacred and very delicate. Life does not last forever, so while we are here, we must honour what the higher power wants from us. I believe the high power, or "god" or "consciousness" wants us all to be happy and treat ourselves with loving compassion. If we don't, if we don't listen to our intuition, unfortunately, there are many people in the world that are still not conscious enough that they pollute our bodies and minds unknowingly.

 

If you guys are interested, Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about this.

 

In some strange way, I honestly think that God or consciousness is on our side if we really believe in it. I think often consciousness or god brings us pain, and great suffering so that we would pay attention to the higher power and not neglect our spiritual selves.

 

I am sure many of you guys have become more spiritual after this whole withdrawal ordeal. I have noticed it on this forum a lot. How people are very kind to one another, more than probably other places, and it might be due to the suffering we all endured.

 

It has brought us together and made us closer to god.

 

Anyways, this is just my opinion.

 

But, I do myself believe in a higher power, and I think it is currently making us suffer in order to "wake us up" to the truth and reality.

 

After this whole ordeal, I am sure many of guys will also be much much more wise and trusting of your intuition, rather than what "society" or "the doctors" say. If somebody is ever pushing me to do something a little too enthusiastically these days, or is indifferent, however "nice" they appear to be, I always listen to my intuition and know that person cannot be trusted.

 

You cannot trust someone who is not "there," whether that is doctors, big pharma, and people who call themselves saints or priests.

 

In fact, I strongly believe that people who become doctors and pharmacists, and who want power and control, they are mentally ill themselves. The reason I say this is because if you cannot see a human being as a human being, but rather as a machine or just an object, that is very sick indeed.

 

I believe in a way we are all sick in a sense that we can always be more compassionate to one another and see each other and ourselves as human beings, rather than robots, able to withstand anything. I mean that is probably the reason the doctors hand out the meds like candy. They do not realize human beings are not immortal, they are fragile and vulnerable and can get sick, die, etc.

 

We are all fragile (I mean in a sense that we are not machines but living beings with hopes, desires, pain, sadness, joy, etc.)

[geminigirl]

Hi Guys,

 

I am having that panic attack again and like I am on speed everything is getting much faster.

 

This is very disturbing and scary. I am HERE in my head, but it's so scary this is happening.

 

My heart is racing too.

 

I am so so so sad that when I read your guys's withdrawal symptoms before, I thought, no way these emotional symtpoms can happen to me.

 

But they are.

 

My clarity and memory is getting much better and I feel more alive, but honestly, I totally feel like I am on some drug like speed or something else. Like literally, I feel like I am on speed. It's a little funny in a way. My typing is like super super fast, lol. Like i'm like one of those cartoons in super high speed talking really fast and doing things super super fast. I also feel my emotions coming back a bit more which is awesome, but like at a higher speed.

 

Haha, anyways, I am trying to not be afraid of this and just kind of pretend I am on some recreational drug so it seems more fun. If I think the worst, that's how my reality will be.

 

Yay withdrawal. BIGJIOSFHKSHFSKJFH SUPER FAST movements

[geminigirl]

I bet you guys anything this will be followed by some kind of depression. I also feel derealisation/depersonalization.

 

I have no friends right now so if anybody would like to be my phone buddy or if anybody lives in Vancouver that wants to meet, I would love that.

[geminigirl]

Yup, now the doom feeling is coming....