luv2knit

[luv2knit]

Thanks, Katie.  Yesterday wasn't too bad--can't really say the same about today. I did seem to get a little more sleep last night, though.  Almost seems these bad episodes are getting closer and closer together  Hope you are continuing to do better!!  

[crazykatie]

Just keep focusing on the positive. You are getting some sleep! That's a huge step forward. Try not to dwell on the others. Just have faith that it will cease.

I really pray a lot. I fall asleep praying every night. It keeps me calm. I grew up going to Catholic school always. I really got away from the church in my 20's. I am no longer catholic. I just believe that there is a higher power. It gives me relief.

I hope for more good days babe!!

[luv2knit]

Katie, I definitely pray a lot!!  I have to believe God will see me through this.  If I didn't, I don't know where I'd be.

[luv2knit]

Thoughts please... Bad day today--no sleep last night, and bad day today!  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been gradually trying to increase my Vitamin C (Ester C) intake, and experiment with my timing on it.  Well, I think I probably overdid it, and--big surprise--had a paradoxical reaction to it.  Ugh... Can't win.  Been trying to leave everything else alone, but had read that some found it helps with insomnia, and there does not appear to be anything else I can take.   Been taking 1,000 mg. a.m. and 500 mg. p.m., and had worked up to  total of 2,000 per day, until I took the extra 500 mg. at bedtime night before last.   I did sleep better, but have paid for it with two bad days.  Began to suspect late yesterday that this could be the problem.  Did not take any last night, but took 500 mg. this morning.  I had been under the impression that relatively high doses of Vitamin C were considered safe--but, like with everything else, I guess everyone is different.  How much is generally considered to be safe/effective, and do I have a chance of reintroducing this at some point?  If so, how long should I wait, and how much should I attempt to take?  I had been doing fine with the 1,000 mg. a.m. and 500 m.g. p.m. for a month or more... just trying to improve insomnia

[Altostrata]

Vitamin C is good for a lot of things, but I've never heard of a benefit for sleep. It's possible to overdo antioxidants; at night, they may keep you awake.

[luv2knit]

Thanks, Alto.  I think I read this in the thread on cortisol. I believe someone spoke of taking Vitamin C in the middle of the night when they woke up.  Before that, I was thinking just what you said, and had been trying to take it earlier in the day.   In any case, though, I apparently overdid it, and am paying for it now. I guess I just can't handle things (and changes) right now.  I'm going to lay off of it for now, and if/when I do decide to go back, I will start very slowly.

[Wildflower0214]

Hey there,

Im in the beginning of this as well, had sleepless nights, paradoxical reactions to supplements, food, lotion...etc. amoung many other things you have mentioned.

I tried to write down all the food I was eating, and thought I found a pattern, but when I changed my diet to adjust, that's when the total insomnia started. I've realized that most times, it's not the food and even if it is, my symptoms change so frequently during the day, it's almost impossible to decipher..

 

I made the mistake of eliminating all gluten and dairy at the same time and I believe it sent me down the rabbit hole. I was told after the fact by a nutritionist that your body can experience food withdrawals, so obviously not something u wanna do if you already feel poorly.

Hope you feel better sooner rather than later.

[luv2knit]

Hi, JDM.  Yes, symptoms do change frequently during the day--or the severity of them anyway.  For me, akathisia, insomnia, and loss of appetite are pretty much constant, but the akathisia changes somewhat in intensity from day to day.  Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had yet, and today has been considerably better.  The insomnia is starting to seriously take a toll on me, as it has been constant from the beginning.  When I think I have found a pattern, sometimes it proves true, and sometimes not.  Sometimes, I think it is just a bad day.  I am finding when I have paradoxical reactions, it usually causes a headache, and just sort of a general feeling that I can't explain, but am coming to recognize.  In any case, I am learning to make changes a little bit at a time.

 

I think (hope) I am at an advantage, because I've only been on one medication.  I am definitely at a disadvantage because I tapered too fast, having no knowledge of withdrawal symptoms.  I'm not really sure how my age (60) factors into the equation.  

 

Wishing you success, and that you feel soon better as well.

[luv2knit]

That should have been feel better soon.. Lol.

[Wildflower0214]

Yes, you are at an advantage. Everyone is different and heals differently. Honestly, everything that I have tried to make it go faster or better has backfired.

 

I try to calm myself and relax, distract myself as much as humanly possible, and pray A LOT! And prayer is what I feel has kept me going.

Wishing you well

[luv2knit]

JDM, yes--I've had a lot of things backfire also.  I'm finding when my akathisia level is high, I have a great deal of difficulty being able to do anything to distract or calm myself. Sometimes the "jitters" are more internal, and other times, I am visibly shaking.  When I can manage it, though, I like to read, knit, or crochet.  Part of my journal is actually keeping track of what I determine my akathisia level to be for any given time.  For some reason, when it stays around or below a certain level, I can actually convince myself I'm making progress.  It also makes me feel better when it seems like the times it ramps up really high are fewer and farther between--or of shorter duration.  Not sure all this actually means anything, but whatever works.  Even though I do have some other symptoms, the akathisia is the thing that's most troubling for me.  If that would go away, and I could get some sleep, I think I would feel much better! 

 

Absolutely agree with you on the prayer!  It's what has kept me going as well!!  Hope you have a good weekend!

[Wildflower0214]

JDM, yes--I've had a lot of things backfire also. I'm finding when my akathisia level is high, I have a great deal of difficulty being able to do anything to distract or calm myself. Sometimes the "jitters" are more internal, and other times, I am visibly shaking. When I can manage it, though, I like to read, knit, or crochet. Part of my journal is actually keeping track of what I determine my akathisia level to be for any given time. For some reason, when it stays around or below a certain level, I can actually convince myself I'm making progress. It also makes me feel better when it seems like the times it ramps up really high are fewer and farther between--or of shorter duration. Not sure all this actually means anything, but whatever works. Even though I do have some other symptoms, the akathisia is the thing that's most troubling for me. If that would go away, and I could get some sleep, I think I would feel much better!

 

Absolutely agree with you on the prayer! It's what has kept me going as well!! Hope you have a good weekend!

Yes, it is pretty difficult to deal with. I've had it before and it went away, but it's back and it's different now. For what it's worth it did go away for like a week.

I find night time really hard. I get anxious about whether I will sleep or not, and if I don't I'm the only one up, and the anxiety gets to me.

It's very difficult, but I have to believe it will get better. It has to get better. What do you do on the nights you don't sleep to stay occupied?

[luv2knit]

Yes, JDM, I agree--it has to get better.  With me--I know I'm not going to sleep.  The question is--just how bad is it going to be?  I really can't drive any more at this point, and I think the reason why I don't feel safe to drive is because I'm so sleep deprived.  I can barely walk around without tripping over my own feet... lol.  I've had one day in the last two months that was akathisia free, and a day that was almost akathisia free (it reared it's ugly head for about an hour or so in the late afternoon).  The rest of the time, it has definitely been present to some degree, although I have had quite a few "decent" days, where I'm not just totally miserable.  It hit bad late yesterday afternoon, after a couple of decent days, and is still through the roof this morning.  Hoping it will settle down some time during the day today.  Just never know, the way it comes and goes.  I can usually get to sleep, but then wake up an hour later, and an hour later, etc.  With this being the case, I usually just lay there until I go back to sleep eventually, only to wake up an hour later (again)!!  With normal insomnia, I would get up and read a book, but not with this!!

[crazykatie]

Hi Luv!

 

I hope you are doing at least a little better. I would not recommend driving while you are so sleep deprived. There are a lot of fatal accidents from people falling asleep or being exhausted behind the wheel. If you don't get a full nights sleep, be thankful for the hours you get n rest assured that you will be able to sleep again. Try not to let the anxiety take ahold. I fed the anxiety by not worrying about sleeping. I just would go up to bed and pray n if I couldn't sleep I would just rest. I always had a problem with my eyes rapidly moving when they were closed. I listened to thunderstorms a lot. Focusing on the intensity of the rain n count the thunder.

Another thing I read helped to, you start at the bottom of your body. Flex n relax your toes, think to yourself how do my toes feel? Tired, weak, good, calm, relaxed? Go to your ankles, then feet n work your way up. If I had trouble doing that, I would just start praying n no matter how many times my mind wandered, I started praying again where I had left off. If I didn't sleep, I still had this calm n peaceful feeling like God had lifted my weight if only for a few minutes.

Kava kava worked well for me. You are lucky that you only have one med to get off. I have like five more but I'm on lower doses already n am thriving. I'm gonna start my next taper soon.

Hugs girlie!!

[Wildflower0214]

Yes, JDM, I agree--it has to get better. With me--I know I'm not going to sleep. The question is--just how bad is it going to be? I really can't drive any more at this point, and I think the reason why I don't feel safe to drive is because I'm so sleep deprived. I can barely walk around without tripping over my own feet... lol. I've had one day in the last two months that was akathisia free, and a day that was almost akathisia free (it reared it's ugly head for about an hour or so in the late afternoon). The rest of the time, it has definitely been present to some degree, although I have had quite a few "decent" days, where I'm not just totally miserable. It hit bad late yesterday afternoon, after a couple of decent days, and is still through the roof this morning. Hoping it will settle down some time during the day today. Just never know, the way it comes and goes. I can usually get to sleep, but then wake up an hour later, and an hour later, etc. With this being the case, I usually just lay there until I go back to sleep eventually, only to wake up an hour later (again)!! With normal insomnia, I would get up and read a book, but not with this!!

I empathize with you. Distraction is hard when the restlessness kicks in. I know others Petu, and some others have dealt with this and also your hypersensitivity to supplements. I share that with you. Reading Petu's thread has helped a great deal. She is a great deal improved. I have found it most helpful to find the people whose symptoms and severity hit closest to home and try to keep up with their progress. Many people on here have tapered at different rates, or recover differently, and again I have found it useful to find experiences I have in common. BtDt is another one, also Westcoast is helpful. They have had similar experiences with symptoms. Also, Alex is another one. The recovery stories are also helpful. Some of those people have been through hell, but they are better. I read them a lot. Hope u have periods of relief today.

[luv2knit]

Katie, thanks for the relaxation tips. I figure even if I don't get good sound sleep, if I can rest and relax that will help some.

 

JDM, thanks for the info. on others who have had similar experiences.  It is hard for me right now to sit down and read through all the threads, and this helps to know which ones to focus on!!

 

Following a couple of pretty bad days, today so far is not too bad.  Somewhat tolerable, anyway!  Thanks to you both!!

[luv2knit]

Had a pretty bad night and day after this last post, and then the following couple of days were pretty "decent". I put that in quotes, because the akathisia never really goes away, but at least it has been at a tolerable level.  Feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  My pattern has pretty much been, at most, a couple of "decent" days, followed by a very bad day, or at least a considerable portion of the day being very bad. I have read some posts on akathisia, and have read the akathisia blog. I'm getting the impression, though, that perhaps the akathisia is not really all that common?!  I've only been on one drug, and am only withdrawing from one drug.  Just my luck I would be dealing with this...  Thankful right now for all the "good" days I can get!!

[luv2knit]

Bad afternoon and evening yesterday. Not as bad as some--but bad enough. Woke every two hours last night, which seems to be becoming my usual pattern. Fortunately I went back to sleep each time before too much time passed. As usual, woke up at 3:00 and could not get back to sleep. Think I may have dozed some between 3:00 and 5:00, though. Akathisia down a little this morning from what it was last night. We'll see what the day brings--could go either way!

[luv2knit]

Had about 1 1/2 days of relatively low level akathisia, and now it has been ramped back up since yesterday late afternoon/evening.  Got at most about an hour of sleep last night.  This has been the case the last two nights, since we set our clocks back.  Not that I was sleeping that much anyway, but I seemed to be falling into a pattern of waking every couple of hours, but going back to sleep fairly quickly, off and on, until about 3 in the morning, at which time I rarely go back to sleep.  The time change has somehow really messed that up (unless the timing is coincidence).  So, not only am I exhausted, but the akathisia has been ramped up really high for the better part of 24 hours now too.  I had been in a pattern of anywhere from 1 1/2 days to (at most) 3 days of lower level akathisia (window?) before having the akathisia ramp up really high for, normally several hours to half a day--rarely a whole day (wave?) I am really hoping this means I might actually have a couple of decent days after this, as my daughter's 21st birthday is day after tomorrow, and I really don't want to be dealing with full blown akathisia at that time.  

 

Has anyone else had this kind of issue with the time change--or is it probably just coincidence?  (Mainly speaking of the increased insomnia here.) I have been unable to determine anything that may be causing these bad akathisia spells, other than just "windows and waves".  I haven't tried any different supplements, and have seemed fairly stable, other than these bad bouts every 1 1/2 to 3 days.

[Muddles]

Any changes can affect your symptoms I believe.

 

Sorry to hear you're suffering the awful akathisia. It's got to be the worst side effect/withdrawal symptom to have to endure. Hope you get a break.

[luv2knit]

Thanks, Muddles. Yes, it's pretty awful!

[Wildflower0214]

Hey,

 

Just wondering, to compare notes. What does your worst akasthia feel like?

 

Mine is the sensations mostly without being able to be still. But, when it gets really bad I have the inner restlessness and irritability. Not good!!

[luv2knit]

At its worst, I am extremely jittery... sometimes I shake visibly, but it seems to not be doing that quite as much. Sometimes I just sit and rock myself. I get very agitated and just want to scream and/or punch something. (In fact, I have punched the wall before.) I just keep telling my husband over and over, "I can't keep doing this." If he wasn't home with me, I don't know what would happen. My extremities are very numb and tingly, and sometimes burning. Sometimes depression comes with it--like when I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and just laid there thinking how crappy the holidays are going to be this year--both because of my situation, and also the first year without my daughter at home. When the depression hits, I often have crying spells. My appetite is always poor, but it's worse when the akathisia is bad. I also tend to get blurry vision and be especially sensitive (eyes) to the sun, and this is worse when the akathisia is bad. Also can tend to be constipated and/or have trouble urinating. (Feel like I need to go but can't.) Some of this may not actually be akathisia, but tends to flare up when the akathisia is bad.

[luv2knit]

After having one of my worst days yet on Monday (November 3), I had a relatively decent day yesterday.  Today is my daughter's 21st birthday, and while I am not in horrible shape, it's really not good either!  Just hope I can get through this day, and participate in celebrating with her.  This will involve going out to dinner at an hour when I normally can barely keep my eyes open (in view of the terrible insomnia I have had).  Praying I will be able to manage this, and my akathisia will not flare up horribly throughout the day.  My daughter has so many issues of her own, and I just have not been able to be there for her throughout this horrible WD ordeal.  To make matters worse, I just ran across an August, 2013 article written by Dr. Stuart Shipko.  I know I'm relatively new, but have I not seen his name on here as a helpful doctor?  In this article, he is pretty clear that there is no guarantee those suffering WD will not be permanently affected--especially those who have been on SSRI's for more than 10 years.  (I was on Zoloft for 20 years.)  This is terribly distressing news to me.  I have read the akathisia blog, and the information on there states that everyone eventually gets over it.  I have spoken with people on a FB Zoloft board who have been through WD, and they assure me everyone does get over it.  Have I been misunderstanding this?  Is it possible I will go through this for the rest of my miserable life?  (NOT that it makes any difference now, because I am in it for the long haul--nothing I can do!!)  I can't help but feel that my "good" (better) days are increasing, but now I wonder if I'm just kidding myself  Maybe I'm just in kind of a bad place mentally right now?!  Dr. Shipko's article didn't help!!

[Meimeiquest]

There is info here about him, and many members have gone to him. I have not heard of him being a lot of help beyond validation, though. He recently wrote a more hopeful update. It would be worth your time to read the discussion here. But, yes, if you think you can just heal by stopping meds, it may not work out well. But this site is about so much more than that.

[luv2knit]

Thanks, Meimeiquest. Would be interested in the update. Is there a link? Right now I am just so ANGRY at the doctor that prescribed this med FOR CHRONIC FATIGUE--without any warning... as well as the three other doctors that came in, as the others moved away. NOT ONE of them warned of the consequences of this drug!!

[Meimeiquest]

I will try to find it. I hear you, my story is similar

[Meimeiquest]

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6773-an-update-from-dr-shipko-very-encouraging/?hl=shipko

 

Try this

[luv2knit]

Thank you, Meimeiquest. Scanned through this, and will read in more detail later. Does look more optimistic, though.

[luv2knit]

Survived daughter's birthday, and managed to not make it miserable for her. In fact, I think she had a pretty good day. I feel like I could scream this morning. Bad as it is, though, I think it has been worse. Just trying to hang in there!

[Wildflower0214]

You are going to get better! You are!

[luv2knit]

Trying to be positive--another really bad day!

[Wildflower0214]

I will tell u this site makes me worse sometimes. Ruminating. And I would be better off if I never read anything by Dr. Shipko. Too much information is never good.

[luv2knit]

Yeah... I ran across that one article when I was googling something. Wish I hadn't seen it. Praying for us all, though. I was about due for a "bad" day, and schedule was really out of whack yesterday! Thanks, JDM

[Wildflower0214]

Yeah... I ran across that one article when I was googling something. Wish I hadn't seen it. Praying for us all, though. I was about due for a "bad" day, and schedule was really out of whack yesterday! Thanks, JDM

Anything that ramps up fear, it not helpful. I pray you get better.

[luv2knit]

Thanks, JDM. Agree. Right now, I'm past the screaming point, and on to the punching a wall point! (Know what I mean--or does yours work like that?)