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What is likely to happen if I go back on ADs?


DazedNConfused
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Almost 2 years in WD, and some days the depression is just too much for me to handle. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm talking about starting the AD journey all over again. I'm pretty sure though that my body will act differently this time around... And not in a good way.

 

During my initial Remeron WD, i tried Cymbalta and Lexapro and had a severe reaction to both. I had been on and off Lexapro before with no issues, but this time was insanely different. Do you think I would have these same side extreme effects 2 years on?

 

I ask because when I have days like today where the depression literally knocks me on my arse, I find myself on my knees begging for some sort of relief. Desperate enough to consider dragging myself through Hell again, just for that incy bit of a break. The strange thing is, ADs have never brought relief before, so I'm not sure why I'm so convinced it would help now. Ugh. My brain is so fried.

 

Thoughts? Experiences?

Drug history

  • On and off ADs about 3 times in a 10 year period - All CT with no problems
  • 6 months of ADs during pregnancy (can't remember what type or dosage) - CT a week after birth with no problems
  • 2 years of alcohol abuse - CT with moderate withdrawals
  • Approx 3 weeks of Remeron (Mirtazapine) 15mg - CT with massive withdrawals
  • One dose of Cymbalta 30mg (?) - Caused severe panic attack and binned them
  • Clean of all drugs (except nicotine) since Jan 30 2013
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 The strange thing is, ADs have never brought relief before, so I'm not sure why I'm so convinced it would help now. Ugh. My brain is so fried.

 

 

Its fairly common for people to believe that their ADs are helping them, when in fact they are making their life worse.  Dr. Peter Breggin calls it Medication Spellbinding, he made a short youtube video about it here:  Medication Spellbinding

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I think it may be that I've spent so much time, energy and money on alternative ways of treating my "depression" and nothing has made a scrap of difference. I can't afford to have depression or anxiety. I NEED to be able to earn money to live. I NEED to effectively be able to raise my preschool aged child on my own. I NEED to be able to maintain the relationships with my friends and family, which, by the way are dropping off one by one. Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there.

 

Anyway, the many psychologists, drs, counsellors and even one of the pastors at the local church have all suggested going on medication. It's like it's the only option I haven't tried in the last (almost) 2 years, and feels like it's the only option I have left, which is depressing in itself.

 

So, do you think enough water has passed under the bridge to pershaps get some benefit? Or is it likely to send me spiralling again?

Drug history

  • On and off ADs about 3 times in a 10 year period - All CT with no problems
  • 6 months of ADs during pregnancy (can't remember what type or dosage) - CT a week after birth with no problems
  • 2 years of alcohol abuse - CT with moderate withdrawals
  • Approx 3 weeks of Remeron (Mirtazapine) 15mg - CT with massive withdrawals
  • One dose of Cymbalta 30mg (?) - Caused severe panic attack and binned them
  • Clean of all drugs (except nicotine) since Jan 30 2013
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what alternative ways have you tried? have you tried gluten-free-casein-free diet?

in 2002- 0,5 tablet cipramil for half a year, ended it uneventfully. in 2006 - citalopram for half a year, ended in horrific state, ditched the drugs CT. 2007-2008 not feeling well but drug free. in 2008 prozac 20mg + quetiapine 25mg. 2009 tried to stop, ended up in hole after couple of months, started zoloft. 2009-2011 zoloft 50mg. went to 25mg in 2011 summer, it resulted in half a year horrible suffering. reinstated, changed drugs, nothing happened. by 2012 beginning suddenly felt great and CT meds. after 4 months came suddenly most horrible human suffering that's possible. was started on prozac and questiapine. started tapering slowly, GFCF diet and Hardy Nutritionals vitamins in 2013 summer. 

current medications: 1) fluoxetine and quetiapine since Aug 2012; 2) Daily Essential Nutrients by Hardy Nutritionals 7 capsules / since May 2013 + omega3; 3) Gluten-free-casein-free diet since june 2013

 

Started withdrawing slowly since april 2013. Mostly around 10% cuts. 

April'13 - March'14: fluoxetine 40mg -> 19,5mg; quetiapine 50mg -> 40mg
April'14-March'15: fluoxetine 19,5mg -> 14,4mg; quetiapine 40mg -> 22mg

April'15-March'16: fluoxetine 14,4mg -> 7,4mg; quetiapine 22mg -> 15mg

April'16-March'17: fluoxetine 7,4mg -> 5,0mg; quetiapine 15mg -> 7,25mg

April'17-March'18: fluoxetine 5,0mg -> 4,0mg; quetiapine 7,25mg -> 0 (as of 1st Feb 2018)!!!!

April´18-March´19: fluoxetine 4,0mg - > 2,3mg. Jumped off fluoxetine 1,4mg due to pregnancy in July 2019. Oct 2019 severe withdrawal syndrome started.

Took mistakenly a complex for hormonal support that included pregnenolone dec2019-april2020. Stopped it april 2020 and immediately severe akathisia started. Have had life threatening akathisia since, 100% disabled, suicidal, very hard to hold on. 

 

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I think it may be that I've spent so much time, energy and money on alternative ways of treating my "depression" and nothing has made a scrap of difference. I can't afford to have depression or anxiety. I NEED to be able to earn money to live. I NEED to effectively be able to raise my preschool aged child on my own. I NEED to be able to maintain the relationships with my friends and family, which, by the way are dropping off one by one. Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there.

 

Anyway, the many psychologists, drs, counsellors and even one of the pastors at the local church have all suggested going on medication. It's like it's the only option I haven't tried in the last (almost) 2 years, and feels like it's the only option I have left, which is depressing in itself.

 

So, do you think enough water has passed under the bridge to pershaps get some benefit? Or is it likely to send me spiralling again?

The fact that all those in your life who have an opinion say take a drug shows how well marketed these drugs are it is a lie... we know it is a lie we have suffered the hell of the lie the reactions the withdrawal... yet still we want to believe in the magical thinking of pharmas magic pills that is a delusional state to be in. 

 

What my experience and life have taught me.... 

is the above my research and mind when it works says this is all true... in studies all but the most depressed do not get relief from drugs and even those are likely feeling relief because the drug is damaging their brains so they can't think... if you can't think your not aware of what you need to be doing to change you life or how crappy you life is... you just melt away into the sea of confusion and side effects and lay there like an algae on top of the ocean sometimes going out to sea sometimes sinking all controlled by the ocean none of it under your control.  

 

Pharma is delusional the science behind it was delusional the relationship they have with us is delusional.  So there you have it along with all the armchair shrinks who have been reading pharma propaganda for 30 years and watching it on tv and voting for it in our system... you now have my armchair science.  

 

Two years is too early... and yes I know single parent here drugged for 18 years... the pain of missing your kids emotional life again the pain of staying drugged and losing yourself sorry those two go together...

see this is how my brain works 7 years off the drugs....

 

those two against all the thoughts of brain washed world ... your doc minister ect... with take a pill and get your ass to work...

 

the answer looks easy don't it... but like you said it did not work before...

 

I did the get your ass to work thing ate my pills cause I was not going to be a deadbeat mother ... a layabout a head case what chance would the kid of such a mother have in this demanding damning world... I went to work not only that I worked two and sometimes three jobs ... was I there for my kid not so much... was I emotionally available... no I was not... can recall his life not so much... was I in a state of one reaction after the other yep ... was it hell on wheels yep ....

BUT I looked good on paper. 

 

I did what people thought I should and so I had their support and so did my kid... we went as hard and as fast as we could as long as we could and then I collapsed. The drugs stopped working and that was the end of it . Time to pay the piper ... and guess what all those people who had an opinion were no where to be found I paid alone... my kid pays still so do I .  you have a choice it is yours alone 

I know what your up against I will not judge you no matter what you choose 

My opinion will the next drug work... ?  nobody knows... do they 

nobody 

 

I have been between a rock and a hard place before and some of those times a drug did help me... that is the truth tho I wish to say IF I had never taken the first AD the second one would not have stopped withdrawal... that is how they work.... 

 

I don't know your story... I am not a good one to advise on the ins and outs of taper but I know withdrawal at 2 years can find you not healed and to jump back into the ocean... too soon means to me likely more of the same... 

 

There are some others here who have a different understanding of this new way things are going ... go on a bit get stable taper off slowly may be the way to go... I never did it so I can't say ... I am old school take everything they say collapse change drugs keep going till you collapse again... I don't recommend it. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Hi Dazed. I just re-read your intro thread http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6818-dazednconfused-amys-story/?hl=dazednconfused

 

You have been through so much, more than anyone should ever have to go through and you have survived. 

You have detached yourself from an abusive relationship and kicked alcohol which you were using to self

medicate. These are amazing achievements you should be very proud of. You had adverse reactions to 

the medications you were taking so it is very likely that you would have reactions to others too.  Withdrawal is

hell to go through and can be very lonely, no-one understands unless they have been there and people always

seem to think the answer is to go back on meds, even after the nasty side effects you already suffered. 

 

Do you have any support? Family or friends who know what you have been through and can support you. Help

out with your little one sometimes so you can have a break?  I am sue you would benefit greatly from some trauma

therapy too after all you have been through, just being able to talk freely about your feelings and fears can make a huge 

difference when it is someone who is neutral.  I don't know if your doctor would refer you but I think it would be worth a try.

 

Reading your thread it looks like there may be some improvement with some symptoms which is good and other symptoms 

will improve also. I feel for you it must be a nightmare but it will get better. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Eat food that is as good and as natural as possible, many of us have found that eating the wrong things can have a bad effect

on us. I bought some gluten free breakfast biscuits and carefully read the label. Nothing nasty added so was happy with my find.

A few days later I feel very low, tired and depressed, it never occurred to me that it could be those biscuits until one day I was eating

some for breakfast and felt ill. An hour later I was in bed feeling very depressed and sick. I can only think that it is the amount of

sugar that is in them, sugar from various sources that don't even look like sugar on the label! 

 

There are lots of topics in the self care section that offer great advice and suggestions. and the topic on how to deal with emotional

problems without drugs. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

You can get through this, it will get better, I know it isn't happening as fast as you need it to but it is happening and we are all here for you in

the meantime. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Dazed, there is no predicting what going on any type of neurologically active drug might do for you. Your nervous system may be so sensitized, anything could make it worse.

 

It does sound to me like you have a lot in your life that might cause anyone emotional distress. This is situational. Have you tried counseling or a support group?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Unfortunately I have found that the drugs are no substitute for the very, very hard work of finding ways to take care of myself and my needs and carving out a life in which I can be happy enough (not perfectly happy, just enough) and stable. This has involved a lot of work and a lot of therapy and a lot of healing from trauma and a lot of just propping myself up in life where I can, getting support, taking care of myself, etc. This is not a kind or gentle or easy society to live in especially if you're a single mother, but there are always ways to carve out a bit of support, a bit of "better", a bit of relief. Those kinds of real changes in actual reality, as well as learning to know and love oneself better, and dealing with old wounds and pain that we've carried around for many years, are the kinds of things that really do work and really do heal. 

 

If there were drugs that could fix us and heal us, heal our lives and our minds and our hearts, that would be awesome and I would probably take one. But those drugs don't exist. Pills can't do that for us. Only our real selves in the real world can do that. I'm not saying it's easy. It's hard work. But it's real, and if you take that journey, the things you learn and the changes you make will be forever and will grow and build.

 

I agree, see if you can get some support in your life, and definitely if you're feeling bad enough to want to take pills, try some therapy and exercise first. Way less dangerous and you won't go through hell and you may get more than an eency bit of relief.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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