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alexrosear: my introduction


alexrosear

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Antipsychotics are the favourites of doctors at the moment, particularly abilify as it is sold as 

a cure all by the drug company. In America sales of abilify are higher than viagra, I need to find 

that report and post in in the media! 

 

There is a joke here......"Q, how do I get a diagnosis of mental illness? A.. make an appointment "

Only it really isn't that funny  :unsure: .  

 

You had a nasty reaction to one drug and your nervous system is still recovering, and healing. It will

get better but you need to believe that. Obsessing about your symptoms is not doing you any good.

If you had an accident and broke your leg it would take time to heal, and you would have to respect that.

You would get on with your life with your big plaster on your leg and manage the best you can. 

Your nervous system is broken and is healing, you need to take care of yourself and try to stay calm while

your body does it's job. 

 

I can't tell you whether to take the abilify or not but you already had one doctor who told you that you were

not psychotic, you know yourself that you are not losing touch with reality, this is your reality and very real.

You do not have to take anything you dont want to take. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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If I were you I would be scared to take another psych drug as you've had adverse effects on the other drugs. Abilify comes with it's one side effects. Anxiety is one of them, a common one. 

I've never heard of an anti-psychotic medication that enhances cognitive abilities (as it seems your doctor was suggesting) - anti-psychotics are known to cause cognitive impairment when staying on them for a longer period of time. 

I did a small research on DP/DR and there doesn't seem to be much evidence supporting treatment of depersonalization disorder with drugs! Only something like "you can always try treating it with an SSRI but there's no guarantee it will work". Did you ask your doctor about DP/DR? Strange if (s)he didn't know about it!

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Right, I see - as far as I'm aware it's used to treat schizophrenia, bipolar and psychosis by messing around (They don't seem to know how) with your brain's natural dopamine system...I'm not too sure how that would help me but he told me that it would help with all of the of impairments I described to him, however I can't seem to find anywhere any information on Abilify having that sort of effect or treating that sort of thing. 

 

I'm certainly not losing touch with reality by any stretch of the imagination , however the Psychiatrist says that everything I've described is a form of psychotic state which I'm really confused by. When I said to him I feel like I've lost my intelligence and personality and feel duller etc he said 'So it sounds like you're struggling to connect with reality?' and I said I wouldn't say it's got anything to do with reality but he didn't really seem to take that on board. He also said the fact that I believe that the Setraline had an effect on me is a 'delusion' and is indicative of me not being in touch with reality.

 

I don't really want to take the Antipsychotic medication but he insists it will help bring back my intelligence and personality and stop me from feeling so 'flat' and apathetic and life so dull but I don't really think it will.

 

I've been trying not to focus on my symptoms at all and I've not been so worried and preoccupied but the symptoms aren't lessening. 

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

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Hi alex, I'm not expert but giving my own heartbroken experience damaged by the psyc meds, I woul not consider taking any more of those drugs. I never had any psyc problems but was put on Ssri for a severe headache now I'm having all you are experiencing. It's a clear showcase that all the chaos are caused by the meds and withdrawal of it. It seems you had initially only anxiety before any of the meds, while you are having everything else new added on. Even authorities argue that your initial problems need to be treated, it is NOT these meds, they only make things thousands times worse. Your doctor diagnosed you per her limited knowledge or lack of concept at all of the drug reaction and withdrawal so it's biased and wrong. I wouldn't listen to her if I were you, and wound not go back to her. I agree with mammap that the best strategy is to hold on and handle from where you are now for your brain to heal gradually. I'm not anti meds, but totally anti these meds. They are pure poison even they sometimes seem to lesson your symptoms temporarily. It seems you are super sensitive to all you took so far, it's very possible you will have similar reaction to new ones. That will mess up thing even more and one more to deal in future.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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I'm going to hold off on the Abilify for the time being - I have the prescription though and if I decide I want to take it will start. However, I doubt I will as I don't really think it's for me - I'll have a discussion with the psychiatric nurse on Friday about it in more detail, however I'm starting to get the feeling I'm just surrounded by idiots... It's so majorly frustrating! I do feel very, very wary of Abilify and just want to get on with my life without these medications, especially 'antipsychotic' medications!

 

But my Mum really wants me to go on it because she doesn't understand how I'll get better unless I take medication. Ugh. Maybe they have a point? I've been of the opinion that I've been feeling my personality and intelligence and social skills dulled as a result of mainly the previous psych medication I was on, in conjunction with family problems, existential crises, stress, anxiety and some form of depression/anhedonia. However, I'm told it actually has nothing to do with the medication and the fact that I belief it is displays that I'm suffering from a 'psychotic type illness'.  

 

I told him I felt flat, empty, apathetic, lacking emotion or mental diversity and he said that that's characteristic of the psychotic, manic, bipolar type disorders as opposed to depression and anxiety. Apparently, he says, with depression and anxiety type conditions I would expect to feel low rather than blank and 'flat' - therefore I need to take the antipsychotic before I develop a full blown psychosis or bipolar because I am in an 'at risk mental state'.

 

But, in all honesty, I do not feel in any shape or form at risk of that happening. I'm not losing grip of reality, I am not paranoid, I am not delusional, I am not manic et cetera, et cetera and I reaaaaally don't anticipate that sort of thing happening simply because I'm feeling not myself and impaired in a plethora of ways I've already extensively explained above.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

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Is there anyone on here who has taken Abilify for anything specific to what I'm going through or just in general? I'd like to know what to actually expect, as I don't want a repeat of the sertraline and valium - especially as I'm aware atypical antipsychotics are a hell of a lot more potent than antidepressants and benzodiazepines, and considering how I felt on those, Abilify doesn't sound the best option...

 

I realise this is something more apt for discussion with the Doctors rather than people on the internet, however I am discussing it with them and they are relatively unhelpful/useless and this is the only real place I felt I could resort to...

 

Any advice on anything else I should be doing or taking? Or any other places or therapies or websites that may help?

 

I am in dire straights here, although I'm holding my nerve very well and it's really not getting to me at all anymore on a fear based or emotional level, I just wish to be pragmatic about.  However this may just be attributable to the apathy and numbness and detachment I've been experiencing... Oh well!

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

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One positive to note is all of the distressing and oft-excruciating pains in my head have all but dissipated back to the old, usual and everpresent dull ache I am used to - and I do  not want to start feeling like my mind is being sucked out of me, again!

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

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If I were you I would be scared to take another psych drug as you've had adverse effects on the other drugs. Abilify comes with it's one side effects. Anxiety is one of them, a common one. 

I've never heard of an anti-psychotic medication that enhances cognitive abilities (as it seems your doctor was suggesting) - anti-psychotics are known to cause cognitive impairment when staying on them for a longer period of time. 

I did a small research on DP/DR and there doesn't seem to be much evidence supporting treatment of depersonalization disorder with drugs! Only something like "you can always try treating it with an SSRI but there's no guarantee it will work". Did you ask your doctor about DP/DR? Strange if (s)he didn't know about it!

Only just saw this response! Especially as my anxiety is much, much better than it was! Neither have I - and I listed and discussed extensively the cognitive issues, the personality loss, the social skills deterioration (not knowing what to say, keeping up conversations et cetera) imaginative skills, blankness, blank mind, memory problems, depersonalization et cetera and he attributed that all down to an emerging 'at risk mental state' on the psychotic spectrum which really floored me, to be honest!

 

I said I was very confused as the last psychiatrist I saw (who I saw a number of times) ruled out anything psychotic (which, to me, is blindingly obvious - the fact that I'm so coherent and outwardly normal and in touch reality would appear to me startlingly obvious that it's not any form of psychosis, but apparently not!) and formally diagnosed me with Depersonalization disorder and recommended a specific clinic in London that deals exclusively with that. However, this new Psychiatrist (who I find to be nowhere near as good, and also isn't a specialist in Adolescents like the other one) said he has a different opinion and hadn't seemed to have heard of depersonalization disorder...

 

He called it derealisation (Even though I said the problem isn't derealisation, it's depersonalisation) and said 'there's no specific derealisation disorder, it's just a symptom that presents itself in psychotic disorders'. Look, I know I'm not the qualified professional and he is, and I'm getting a lot of schtick from my parents for being so, for want of a better term, self assured, but that's just flat out wrong? Depersonalisation disorder is a disorder and not just a symptom and is what I was diagnosed with.

 

The previous psychiatrist I spoke with was very extensive with me and after hours of talking he himself said that he thinks medication would be the worst option for me considering my previous sensitivity to it, although he did mention an epilepsy medication that has proven helpful in treating DP. So for that diagnosis to be ignored/overturned by this new doctor after only ten-twenty minutes of talking to me feels ridiculous and makes me incredibly wary of the medication he prescribed! Also, he told me that the psychological services (Ie therapy and consulting psychologists rather than pill-pushing psychiatrists) I asked for have been 'scientifically proven to be not as helpful as medication when dealing with psychotic disorders'. He said that psychology, or in his words 'talking about things and feelings and stuff' is helpful with depression and anxiety but not what I'm going through, which is apparently now on the psychotic/manic spectrum (even though I'm the least manic and most, for want of a better expression, monotone person at the moment). 

 

This feels ridiculous as what I thought I had, depersonalisation disorder ( which I was told encompassed feelings of losing personality, numbness, anhedonia etc) was a primarily anxiety-based disorder, with some contention of its being dissociative, as well. Psychiatry is just ridiculous! Is it simply the psychiatrists I keep encountering in my area or is it just generally all of psychiatry? This whole debacle is making me so incredibly distrusting of not only doctors but everyone, especially when those ostensibly closet to me, my family, seem to be as unhelpful and untrustworthy as the doctors - and it's definitely going to give me trust issues in my life.

 

I believe the psychiatrist to be flat-out lying to me when he tells me it would help with my symptoms because it most certainly is not any form of cognitive enhancer, and I'd be very cautious with any nootropic type drugs anyway, and has nothing to do with my symptomology - I truly believe he is prescribing it to me because he thinks I may develop schizophrenia or full blown psychosis and the only reason he said it would help with my symptoms is to get me to take it. He also told me there's no risk of weight gain with it (but it appears that that is also a lie, as on the website and in the literature it clearly states weight gain is an established side effect).

 

He also told me I wouldn't expect to feel the positive benefit of it for about 9 weeks, as it takes 6 weeks from being on 10mg and he wanted to put me on 5mg for 3 weeks first. Because of this, I asked him that all I can expected to feel while on it, for at least the first two months, is no benefits and potentially anxious, agitated and headache ridden. He said it would prevent me from having to go on many medications in the future for full blown psychosis/schizophrenia/bipolar, which, to me, have absolutely nothing to do with what I'm experiencing! Gah - it certainly seems to me that the psychiatrists are the ones in need of, well, psychiatry...

 

I just don't know what to think anymore, though - I don't know whether to believe the depersonalisation disorder diagnosis or not, I really don't think I'm at risk of anything psychotic or manic. My gut tells me it's medication induced above anything (in conjunction with the stress, isolation, worries, existential crises, some sort of  depression and family issues (my Mum projects a lot of anxiety onto me as my Dad suffers from mental illness and she doesn't want me to ''End up like him'')) so therefore it's only axiomatically logical that I should abstain from more medication, especially a God-damned Atypical Antipsychotic! However, everyone keeps asking me how I expect to 'get better' (as though I have the flu or something) without taking any medication and, at the end of the day, I just want to put all this behind me and go back to being a functioning and productive member of society so I can help other people and not feel so unmotivated, apathetic, detached, impaired, not myself, empty, blank and unable to do so. Therefore, I feel willing to try everything, and if that involves medication then so be it - however I really don't feel like that's going to be Anti-psychotics (Which, in double blind studies, have proven no more effective than placebos - and that's in treating genuine psychotic disorders and schizophrenia et cetera, and not the entirely different symptoms that I'm experiencing!)

 

As  a side note, I do think I may be suffering from a form of burnout or 'brain fatigue', as I overworked myself to the n-th degree for months on top of everything I was dealing with and it's just sort of broken me a bit.

 

Anyway, again, if anyone has any experience with Abilify please share and help! Oh, on a different note, I managed to update my profile picture - which is now an image of one of my illustrations for you all to enjoy. :)

Edited by alexrosear

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

I was on 2.5 of abilify. Horrible drug!

April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

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I was on 2.5 of abilify. Horrible drug!

What was so bad about it?

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

Every time the doctors tried me on antipsychotics it absolutely floored me. I had a gp that was convinced I was bipolar when I was a long way from it! My friend calls them a 'chemical cosh' which is very much my experience.

2000 - On seroxat at aged 14 2002-2004 self medication 2004-2008 nothing
2008 - Started on amatriptaline then citalopram 20mg 2009 - dose of citalopram sky rockets
2010 - prescribed valium and zopiclone. 2011 - switched to effexor 300mg 2012 - prescribed 600mg/400mg of pregabalin/effexor
2013 - prescribed 30/500mg co codamol tablets 2014- Jan as above but dosage of pregabalin ended up at over 600mg
March morphine and tramadol (accident) 30 mg codiene tablets  210 mg/day to 1000mg a day.
codeine upped to 60mg/100 tablets by november I was up to 2-3 grams a day. Not good
Late november - advised to cease all medication by a shocked locum gp. Massive withdrawls for two weeks now feeling good on nothing.

 

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It gave me akathisia or a form of it.

April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

Link to comment

If you've tried other ap's and they have floored you, why would you want to try another?

I must admit I was on a low dose of abilify as an add on to an antidepressant that wasn't working. And once the abilife was added I felt great!

Then one day I woke up and my anxiety was x 1000. Then what I now think was akathisia.

You can't fix what one drug does/doesn't by adding another.

it's just too risky.

I hope your feeling better!

April 2014 remeron 45mg.

June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added

September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!!

Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0

Currently

Remeron 7.5

Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years

October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day

Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so

Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems.

August 2015 down to 0.1 mg

Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg.

Link to comment

If you've tried other ap's and they have floored you, why would you want to try another?

I must admit I was on a low dose of abilify as an add on to an antidepressant that wasn't working. And once the abilife was added I felt great!

Then one day I woke up and my anxiety was x 1000. Then what I now think was akathisia.

You can't fix what one drug does/doesn't by adding another.

it's just too risky.

I hope your feeling better!

I've never tried Antipsychotic medication before, and was thoroughly confused when it was prescribed. I'm not. :/

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Psychiatrists are taught about drugs by the drugs reps.....salesmen and women who need to sell drugs.

They are given the 'facts' from these people and I suspect don't do any research because they believe

the pharmaceutical companies have to stick to the rules and do the right trials. They are taught that

when someone reacts it is not because of their medication it is because of the mental illness of the

patient and they need more drugs.  I suggest you read anatomy of an epidemic by Robert Whittaker if

you haven't already done so, another book I have is Bad Pharma by Ben Goldacre. Robert Whittaker is

a journalist who has done extensive research, and Ben Goldacre is a psychiatrist who admits that he used

to prescribe the drugs until he did research and discovered the truth behind drugs trials. 

 

Personally I would burn the prescription, I know that psych drugs have caused me many many years of 

suffering and all the while was told it was me that was mentally ill. Maybe I do have mental health problems,

but I will cope with whatever comes without drugs once I am free and finished with my taper. Today abilify,

tomorrow something to deal with the side effects of abilify, then something to deal with the side effects of the

drug for side effects, and on it goes.... THIS IS ME WITHOUT MY MODERATOR HAT ON, just me and what

I feel. You know your body and your mind. You are very young and can heal, your brain is a remarkable organ

that will renew itself and be as good as new all by itself. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • 2 years later...

Hi all.


 


It's been three years, almost, since I took the Zoloft. Unfortunately, I have not recovered at all. This said, I am entirely functioning and no longer in a crisis state as I was when originally posting. The depersonalisation/derealisation, brain fog, and emotional numbness has simply become my standard, everyday mental state - no longer feeling novel or scary, but simply normalised. It does make me woeful generally, but there's a numbness of emotion so I can't really feel that. I do, however, still suffer from anxiety in bouts. I have never got my mind and psyche back, basically. Before the Zoloft, my mind was rich and full and I could think vast things and feel real and myself and ever since everything has become flattened, blunted, and almost like nothing. It's hard to explain but it's as though my mind has been shut down, and I'm just an automaton now with little-to-zero rich internal experience and humanity, no emotions, no self, no feeling of reality, no introspection, just bluntness, nothingness, and occasional anxiety.


 


My genuine feeling is that the Sertraline has permanently harmed my psyche and my brain itself. Reading here: https://www.quora.com/How-can-one-reverse-brain-damage-from-drugs/answer/Marcus-William-1?share=b0754e69&srid=MzyPand here: https://www.quora.com/Do-psychiatric-drugs-taken-for-less-than-2-months-cause-brain-damage/answer/Marcus-William-1 - it is repeated that one dose is enough for a psychotropic to cause changes to the brain. This is what I experienced, and the change was like having my mind destroyed with my body still standing. I have still not recovered from this at all three years later and it seems to be incredibly misunderstood, the topic of harmful changes by SSRI's, by any experts - so I don't know what to do any more. The last time I saw psychiatrists they prescribed more potent drugs to deal with the effects of the SSRI, which I know is not a good idea. But without medication, I don't know what to do. As it has been three years of engaging back with life and trying to live normal and let my brain rebalance, and still, I feel no recovery, I'm at a loss. The therapist I'm seeing is good but he doesn't and can't talk about the effects of drugs on my brain, only help me deal emotionally with the those effects. Which is good, but I want to feel like I've recovered. But it feels like I will never get myself back to before the SSRI, and I just have to accept being like this for the rest of my life. Which is depressing, but as I can't really feel emotions, it just feels kind of, well, 'meh'. The Sertraline did, and has, changed (very negatively) my brain, and three years on it's never 'reversed' - and it feels like 'reversal' is impossible, just moving forward - but moving forward has simply meant acceptance, rather than recovery. I would really like recovery. I am coping in my life, but I am only really surviving, I am not truly living. I would really like to feel like I've recovered, got my mind, psyche, emotions, and self back - but this seems impossible or at least unlikely. Nobody seems to understand how this has happened, what's really gone on in my brain, or how to fix it. 


 


I started University, moved out of home, saw a few therapists, never took the antipsychotics, but life has never been the same again. My Mother tried to section me when I rejected the Psychosis claims, making me leave my home. This caused more trauma, panic, and internalisation of the 'psychotic' label - yet, three years on, I still am yet to have anything close to a hallucination. Sadly, reading this back, it is obvious I was in the hands of a Psychiatrist who both (as many do) had no idea what depersonalisation disorder is, and was dogmatically opposed to accepting any substantive harm caused by psychiatric medications, to any means. 


 


After moving out, living alone, working jobs, travelling etc. life and my psyche has not yet come anything close to recovery - only normalisation and acceptance. 


 


Not sure where to go from here. I'm still seeing a therapist, to no benefit, still waiting for something to 'just click'. But everything is still grey and flat, inside and out. I'm 20 now.


 


(I have to say, that one night last year, I felt my DP/DR almost completely cure - -everything- started to come back. I was with a friend and we had smoked some cannabis and he put this song on: (

) - and the bit where he sings 'Don't look too deep inside your soul, because you might find a hideous, hopeless hole of hunger, hatred, oblivion, infinite nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness etc.' and I felt all the existential anxieties come back, the fear of death, meaningless, of feeling dead inside, of the fears of psychosis etc. but I decided to meditate on them, and to /feel/ them, rather than to push them away or cower from them. As I did this, I opened my eyes, the fears crumbled, and out of nowhere, the world became completely real to me again - and I felt inwardly myself, completely. As the anxieties crumbled, it was like my whole mind opened up again to what it had been. I felt everything I'd lost after taking Sertraline come back into my psyche, and it was really a seismic shift. The world and its contents and infinity suddenly no longer felt flattened and dulled but flowing and vast, but mainly just /real/ - and I felt like 'me' for the first and only time in years. I went to sleep, woke up, returned to my life, and then the problems just came back completely once I sobered up and returned to normal. This has never happened again. This experience showed me full recovery is possible, but Lord knows how. Living with what I know understand to be Depersonalisation/Derealisation disorder, I've come to learn it is a completely treatment resistant disorder that nobody understands or knows how to help with. I've been studying a lot of Eastern Philosophy since, and I'm coming to understand my experience in relation to Hindu and Buddhist ideas. I've taken up meditation, and, while I'm finding it very valuable, I've never felt anything recover or get better aside from the one experience. I'm also wary and cautious of any drugs at all, yet the only time I felt better was here - although it's disconcerting because I'm aware cannabis has caused many people's DP/DR and I don't want to get addicted to harmful substances to desperately try to self-medicate against the lasting negative effects of Sertraline when nothing else helps at all. I'm thinking of trying CBD which is legal and doesn't have the side effects of THC.)

 


Would be nice to hear again from this great community on here. I don't really know what to do any more to go forward. Everything I am doing simply is moving towards acceptance and survival, rather than recovery. I don't know what to do to recover and feel myself and ultimately and authentically happy again. Taking life slow, destressing, eating well, engaging with life, friends, study etc. simply helps me to survive and to cope, not to recover. Even therapy. I don't know what to do or to try. Part of me has given up on the idea of recovery and happiness, and just settled on surviving and acceptance of not really living ever again.


 


A


Edited by ChessieCat
removed obsolete link

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Alex and welcome back.

 

I'm sorry that you are still suffering after 3 years.  Unfortunately we do have several other members who are experiencing a similar situation.

 

You might like to try some non drug techniques.  Claire Weekes was a doctor who suffered from anxiety and learnt and taught ways of coping:

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Non-drug techniques

 

Yoga for calming (very simple poses can help greatly)

 

Two supplements that SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil.  If you do try these only try one at a time and start with a small dose.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

Hi, and thanks.

 

Yeah, I read Weekes' book when in a crisis state and it did help me tone the anxiety down despite my symptoms and situation and get me onto an 'even keel', which I am now on. However, it's gotten to a point where I would like to feel recovered rather than just unanxious about how I am. I do yoga sometimes, but as I say, none of these things really make a difference to what fels like a major neuropsychological damage. 

 

It's hard not to feel hopeless, when nobody knows what to do, or understands what's actually happened to my brain/psyche.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

A worry is that because the cognitive lethargy and dp/dr and mental shut down and emotion locks symptoms have persisted for so long and become my standard way of being, occasionally punctuated by lessening of symptoms with psychadelics. I'm worried  that I'll forget thast this isn't what I've always been like, cease to see it as a problem, and then never have the resolve to get it sorted out.  This is what I've been doing over the last couple years. But still, here I am, when I really reflect inward I truly know that my mind/brain is very much not functioning anywhere near to the way that would give me wellbeing. Indeed, this what the doctors told me to do, and they only wanted to treat my distress at my symptoms, denying the symptoms were existent at all. But I know that my mental life was completely different to this before the Sertraline. Even though I'm told that is a delusion, I know that it was - I think I'm the best judge of that and they've labelled it a delusion because psychiatry is not at a stage where it is able to accept the damage callously prescribed psychotropics cause people.

 

I feel like my whole life has been ruined by the decision to take sertraline, and there's no way back to what I had before - I have only the option of a happy, ignorant, mindless existence, or an unhappy, mindless existence. What I what is a happy, mindful existence, that feels real, truly like 'me' and truly as though I have full use of (my) a functioning brain.

 

:/

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

Just wanting to bump this as it's fallen way down with no responses. Could really value some advice. 

 

Thanks.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

You may get more input if you ask specific questions.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

I'm not sure what to ask specifically. 

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

You may get more input if you ask specific questions.

I guess the main things would be i) if my experience is similar to anyone else's who has felt themself recover after a long time? ii) if my experience of feeling myself again for a few hours  is similar to anyone else's experience and if anyone has any advice on how to achieve it more long term? iii) if anyone has any thoughts on whether I'll be like this forever now it's been so long? iiii) Anything that has helped anyone with similar problems? iiiii) Any general thoughts/advice on my situation given a reading of its update? iiiiii) Any understanding of why I still feel as I do? How to deal with the hopelessness and bleakness and feelings that it will never get better? Things like that. Thanks.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

Additionally, I hasten to add I feel 'depersonalisation' doesn't fully cover the problems I feel. While I do have depersonalisation, it also feels as though the depth of my psyche has gone, flattened, blunted - emotionally and intellectually. The sertraline took away the depressing thoughts I was having about existence and my life, but then it took away everything else in my mind too. I can clearly perform cognitively, but the 'inner world' of the psyche isn't there - my brain can form sentences and even reflect, as I am now, but even this is dysfunctional - and feels basically completely blunted. This is something people seem to describe in less intensity as lasting only while they are on antidepressants. But for me if I reflect honestly it is truly as the the depth of my self and my emotional/intellectual inner world has been wiped away by this drug and this has been 24/7 for three years. Has anybody else felt something like this/as severe as this and understands it/ has truly felt it completely go away or has any advice for it?

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Alex, Have you re-read your introduction topic from the start recently?

 

It's awful that a number of people have long term effects from merely  a few doses of sertraline. It's absolutely rotten that you are among that number. What's even worse is that nobody knows who will have strong negative and long-lasting reactions to the drug before it is taken nor does anybody know how to help deal with that reaction and the symptoms. I wish we had better news for you.

 

The first few posts in these topics present this site's best understanding of why symptoms occur:

One theory of anti-depressant withdrawal syndrome

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

 

Often people on this site engage with others who have posted on their introduction topics. You may want to have a look at the intros of members' who have taken sertraline. There are several other young men in almost exactly your situation.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

 if my experience of feeling myself again for a few hours  is similar to anyone else's experience and if anyone has any advice on how to achieve it more long term?

 

...How to deal with the hopelessness and bleakness and feelings that it will never get better? Things like that. Thanks.

 

 

Hi alex -

 

I have experienced the "few hours of window" several times. In fact, for a couple of weeks, it happened pretty much nightly around 7:30 PM. Not so much the past week, unfortunately. 

 

My advice is that when you do get that window, you be thankful - and do not suddenly jump up and start doing things. Rest is key for healing, and the window can fool you into thinking that you are able to do more than your body can actually take at the time.

 

As for feeling hopeless - again, I understand. I am a Christian, and when I find myself in despair, it can create a cascade of "why me, God?" - which it actually did just last night.

 

For me, the answer is "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil. To give you a hope and a future."

 

And then I press in to Him. And I look at all of the blessing s that I have. And I prioritize those blessings above my despair.

 

And I also come here looking for support. So know that I support you. We all do.

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hey alex,

 

just to say I and many others have been plunged into a similar situation. I too feel like my inner world has been destroyed. But I am only a few months into this. People heal it seems, but time varies.

 

The only real answers are to let time pass, light exercise, try to eat well, avoid drugs (legal and illegal)....and have plans for when your soul returns. Unfortunately, it's taking a long time for you. But the way I see it, there are two options; keep going or call it a day . And calling it a day isn't an option, wouldn't it be a shame if we called it a day today and tomorrow was the day when our brains would wake up. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/13985-raven530-10-months-since-sertraline-cold-turkey/ 

 

here is a guy going through very similar to you.  check him out.

 

Also, search this website for 'ANHEDONIA' and you will find alot of people in your sit

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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  • 10 months later...

Any advice? Still feel the same nearly 4 years on. :/

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment
  • ChessieCat changed the title to alexrosear: My introduction

Check out the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. It's about trauma. It describes dp/dr and a lot of other issues from a trauma perspective. And that trauma actually makes physical changes in the brain. And that the body/mind has a way of heeling, he describes several approaches. I know you've been traumatised by a drug but maybe it would still be of interest. 

 

I am doing Qigong myself, every single day. I haven't had any dramatic improvements yet but I feel that this kind of movement meditation helps me reestablish a connection to my body that has been lost. Helps me start to feel again, it feels beneficial. It's as if something is slowly resetting in my body. I read your account on trying cannabis. I feel qigong is doing something faintly similar to me but in a very very very much slower way.

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

Link to comment
  • 4 months later...

Still feel just as damaged but worse because of the time. I feel my true non damaged self is a distant memory and a different life. 

 

I don't know what to do

.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

Any advice on what to do this long after taking Zoloft and still feeling mentally impaired?

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

Link to comment

what are your symptons?

2009-2010 Citalopram 20mg CT no problems

 

Sertaline 2010- 6monnths

 

2011- 2017 June 2017- Citalopram 20mg CT

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I too felt similar while taking Zoloft and Effexor. I remember that I tried to taper the Zoloft back at the end of 2015 but went back on the meds because I was feeling the same awful. I've been feeling like a different person since November 2014: no motivation, no stability, mood swings, malaise. I am nearly 18 months off ADs (if you don't consider the Prozac episode). 

Emotions take a lot to heal, this is what I learnt here. Try everything before giving up, this is my advice.

I hope we'll heal both eventually.

 

I was young too when it all started: 22 years old. 

November 2014 - September 2015: Zoloft 50 mg, Trilafon 4mg, clonazepam 1mg
October 2015 - September 2016: Effexor 75 mg
September 2016 - January 2017: Effexor 150 mg
Stopped Effexor in March 2017 after tapering under medical supervision
The doctor I've now found is an expert in withdrawal from ADs
Persistent withdrawal syndrome since July 2017: Prozac 10 mg, clonazepam 0.5 mg, to cope with it.
December 2017 -  withdrawing from Prozac, 10 mg every 2 days
Drug free since January (?) 2018
 
Symptoms: pins and needles, burning skin sensations, PSSD, OCD, mood swings (a lot), malaise (a lot), muscle spasms, voice in my conscience. 

Doing not so bad, but I want to be the person I was. 
Link to comment
  • 7 months later...

I speak from my own experience . I have dyspraxia also. Very little research about it- it’s a neurological condition . Psychiatry never helped me. It has caused me a lot of damage on top of my previous traumas. I was a guinea pig and I didn’t know it- at the time. It’s a rabbit hole in my opinion .

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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I wonder how @alexrosear is?  

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • 3 weeks later...

coming up to 5 years.

 

still feel exactly the same. just like this damaged version of myself has become more and more cemented.

 

there seems to be no hope. ive seen so many therapists, tried so many different things.

Medication History

6/14-Started (50mg) 5 HTP, rescue remedy,kalms,herbal nightol,antihistamine,

7/14-Discontinued 5 HTP

8/14-Took 2 doses of Sertraline (Zoloft) (50mg)

8/14-paracetemol and contiuined 5htp and nightol and rescue remedy - also vitamin b complex

8/14 started 2mg valium

9/14 stopped 2mg valium

10/14 started omega 3

 

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