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Wildflower0214

Caregiver Burnout- Family Exhausted

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Wildflower0214

My mom has had to move in with me. My roller coaster started in Feb 2014 with an unsuccessful taper and its been a mess since.

 

My mom has faithfully been here since. I can't be alone all that much, and I can't tolerate being out that much. And, she is becoming resentful and I don't know what to do.

 

I can't believe I'm writing this, but has anyone had to hire help, like a CNA just to kind of sit in when family is not able to be around?

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LoveandLight

No but if you needed that what would be wrong with that?

 

Sorry your having a hard time.

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UnfoldingSky

I've heard of people doing this for benzo withdrawal, which is very similar to AD withdrawal. 

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Wildflower0214

I suppose nothing would be wrong with it. Just shocked it has come to this.

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btdt

I am just glad you have the help as I know I many people who could have used it over the years.  If you can get help like this I think it is a blessing and if you can afford to pay for it why not... anything that makes this easier I am all over it.  If being alone freaks you out then it will not likely add anything to your recovery to be freaked out... I bet it would hurt it... is why this is the fight where you can't see your adversary...and part of it is against our nature for sure... as we as humans have that old fight flight response programmed in ... and the more it is activated the less stability we have.  

So try for peace as that is the way to healing... however you get it doesn't matter much in my book just get it best you can.

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Cdav

I think it's a good idea to hire someone to help if you can afford it. 

 

My mom's ben also taking care of me. But today she just started crying uncontrollably because she's so worried about my condition right now and how I'm suffering.  She is very religious, and prays a lot. I thank her for the praying and support, but time will be the best healer. And all she's done for me has helped me so much. 

 

Right now she is really depressed and burnt-out, and I feel kind of guilty about that. But i can't be on my own. I'm also thinking about hiring a nurse or someone. 

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btdt

I cared for my mother while she was undergoing cancer treatment.  I had other obligations too.  I know burn out from loving care is still burn out and it happens even when the people involved are trying to maintain for all involved including self some times if there is another way it should be looked at. This would have been possible if my mother had her home in the city I lived in respite care would have been provided but as it was we did not qualify.  So yes I got burned out and actually started zoloft during that time. 

If you can afford to hire a person to allow you mother a break then do it.  Know she will worry about you just the same if she were there.  My mother too could not be alone she would panic if I went to the grocer or to the school for my child without her tho she often was not up to going out. Sleep was also an issue as she did not sleep at night in those days I did.  

It can be tricky to sort out what would be the best idea as to when to have a caregiver in.  I also did respite work after she passed for parents with severely ill kids.  Under that process a professional would come in and assess the situation.  

One family I worked for had a nurse 4 nights a wk as nobody in the house slept... as the child was up most of the night.  So having help at sleep time was the most important thing.  

If you could assess this yourselves your mother and you together and decide when it would be best to have somebody step in and take the pressure off of her.  maybe a few afternoons a wk maybe at night if she is not sleeping well... talking about it may make her feel guilty too if she is cracking mothers always want to make things right for their kids no matter what ... realistically that is impossible. Still it may be a bit of what she is feeling. 

 

If you can afford it maybe it would be best for all involved... even if she were to go home for a break maybe.  Opening the conversation about it is a start who knows where it will go from there each situation is different.  

 

I have religious people in my family too and I know they are praying and I think it helps but I do wonder when it goes on so long do they question faith ect... as with any illness this is how it goes.  a faith question comes up... but with this sort of thing where they family can't go anywhere for support or information... it is even more lonely and sad for them.  If you had cancer a team of support people would show up at your door but with this... nobody is coming and half the people or more that you tell won't believe you... and you mom can't tell her church friends and have their support... like she could if you had cancer... it is not the same.  Not accepted and not known. That makes it harder for all of us.  

 

I hope things get better for you and for your mother.  Wishing you both peace. 

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