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Bitterness


degen12

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I am experiencing a lot of bitterness and cynicism, which sometimes spills over and hurts others. The bitterness is for the lost years and suffering, and the lost years to come. Cynicism, in the health-care climate I am in, is warranted I suppose.

 

Do you experience intense feelings of bitterness? How do you deal with it. I do not consider it to be a neuro-emotion, to be tamed as part of a drug WD, but a natural reaction to spending most of my life medicated. That is why I have placed this thread in "Finding meaning". It is something I look for often, but usually I only see a fleeting glimpse...

April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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YES!  So much so it almost consumed me at times and I was like you hurting people who did not deserve it and then felt like **** for being so horrible ... that is not who I wanted to be... on top of that I also had times where neuro emotions played a part in making me a horrible person I did not want to be... if this all falls on the same people there is not much left for them to like about you and a lot for them to forgive ...not fair to them or you... as people who love you did not do this to you... you did not do this to you ... not really tho you went along ...

 

Neither of you deserve this life and doing the very best you can to step forward to those you love and embrace them and help them be in peace the best you can is my advice... 

 

it is what I try to do.. I don't always make it.. some days I am hell on wheels.  I know it and I know I am going to pay later cause I will feel like ****... and that is a vicious circle... it takes time to process all this.

 

once you find out the truth it is hard to stomach.... 

 

how to release the anger... well sites like this can be good so can advocacy if your of a mind to... sports if your into it ... truth is I am not real good at it... I don't know how to release anger other than writing ... that is the safe way... 

 

mostly I try to help others it is something to tell the truth 

 

I try to help those I love to be an ear to do mundane things that might help or thoughtful things so they know I care.... 

 

I feel so far left behind by life starting over seems too big... I do small things I can handle. 

 

small bites on the anger as it can really hurt you and those you love it may be part of the process that everyone had to go thru...on the other hand each time you learn a new piece of the puzzle you will go thru it again it sucks. ...somehow there always seems to be more or another side effect comeback to be the drugs that keeps on giving... some new related health issue ect.  

 

always there is a reason to be mad 

I read a book that helped called the power of now... maybe you could try it.. 

wish I had a better answer as this one the truth seems inadequate. 

I wish you peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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You can't possibly know all the effect yet as you just started there will be more... and each time you learn more you will have to go thru this anger process again... direct it where it belong big pharms you may not know that as well yet as you will if you read those books I suggested... but it you read them you will need to process anger again. 

one more book 

http://www.deathbyprescription.com/

 

author just happens to be the MP for Oakville who is working on drug safety in Canada lost his daughter to a drug her uncle was a doctor...

 for once I can say the name and somebody knows where I mean.  

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Barbarannamated

Oh yes. I feel angry all the time and I was never like this before or on SS/NRIs and stimulants. I am still on benzo and trazodone, so that can be adding to the anger.

 

I used to be able to feel happy -- or at least not resentment and jealousy -- toward friends with kids, grandkids, intact families, careers, etc. Im embarrassed to say I even get jealous of characters in TV shows who have those parts of life. Just powerwatched a few seasons of Parenthood. A good show that doesn't hide the difficulty of having children. However, I found the big family scenes very triggering.

 

Facebook is very bad for this, even though I know people post only their good parts of life.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I think at some point your skin gets a bit thicker and you accept some of it as just the way your life it that does not mean you like it and it does not mean you don't hope for greater things in the future.  What it does mean is that you came to a place where you learned that hitting your head against these walls was not only getting you nowhere but actually likely detrimental to your healing process... I am not perfect I still fall into this hole... but I try not to .. when I am really worked up I try to come on here and be useful or rant... sometimes it helps. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • 1 month later...
Wildflower0214

I'm not at the point of thicker skin yet, hopefully I get there.

 

I'm jealous of anyone not as miserable as me. It's awful. But true.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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  • 5 weeks later...

YES !!! Im constantly Angry and bitter. Its VERY exhausting!!. Everything people say or do I can twist out of shape and make the average person into Hitler. EVERY past hurt has been magnified and stored to be used as ammunition.

I HATE myself.

Like you JDM I have no thick skin. Everthing hurts. And yes im jealous of anyone whos happy. Not pretty is it???

Ct from 60mg Prozac May 2012

Taper from 2.4mg Nitrapepam  for 1 and half yrs.Finally over on Nov 17th 2014

Still in a very bad place :(

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  • 2 weeks later...

People dont understand withdrawal family members viewed you with suspicion

why those mood swings, why sleeping to much

why those headaches

It is a very bad position to be place upon

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.

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  • 1 month later...
antidepressantsNoMore

Until you let go of your bitterness, you'll never be full. I'm not trying to insult you. Trust me, from 21.5 - 25 I was so bitter. I still have days when I get so angry. I used to have such a bad temper, I would fight at the drop of a dime. Before all these crap, my life wasn't bad. I made some bad decisions, they came back to get me, and things fell apart. I was so bitter towards certain people who I felt let me down and even towards God for a while. I remember dropping down on the ground cursing at God. Then I realized how stupid I was being. You need to get control over your emotions. Anger and bitterness will destroy yourself more than anything in the end. I'm still young but I know. Trust me on this one.

 

You need to find a way to let it go. I turned to God and I'm not perfect yet, No one is perfect. But you need to start somewhere.

trintellix 1 mg and rexulti .5mg

 

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  • 7 months later...

Oh my goodness I can relate so much to this. Even before coming off antidepressants I felt so much bitterness about what I felt depression had robbed me of. No career, no degree, can't even drive (I'm 33!). I feel like the whole of my twenties was a waste and I am basically just starting my life now.

As if that wasn't enough, now I no longer suffer from depression and can be off antidepressants I have to deal with these neuro-emotions and hyper sensitivity because of the meds I had to take TO NOT WANT TO F*****G KILL MYSELF. It's so hard not to feel bitter and resentful and to be honest I haven't figured out yet how to manage those feelings.

I know rationally that my experiences have brought me to a good place, I love my life and I wouldn't want to change it, but making the rational and the feelings match up is so so hard.

BaronessG, 33 years old.

prozac 8yrs, 20mg up to 80mg then back to 20mg in 20mg reductions at two points.

Tapered off over two months - 2.5 months AD free (Oct 2015)

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I am also very bitter over what happened to me and how my life and soul was destroyed. 

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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Barbarannamated

This article really spoke to me:

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason

 

My apologies if this has already been posted.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Yes, I feel bitter.  The more I know, the more bitter I feel - not specifically toward the medical profession.

 

Bitterness and cynicism can be a creative force, particularly in comedy.  However on a personal level it can be destructive.

 

I try to work on feelings of jealousy and envy toward people my age and younger who have had advantages that I have not. i am quite good these days at not worrying about such things, although it stings like hell from time to time.  However, I have a pretty strong sense of justice and the feeling of people like myself being taken for schmucks and lied to by experts makes me feel like curdled milk inside.

- Sertraline 100mg from 2002 - 2007

- Tried Effexor XR in 2004, side effects were worse, went back to Zoloft.

- quit cold turkey a number of times due to side effects

- Generic Prozac from 2007 - 2011

- Pristiq in 2011 for two months, like Effexor XR I could not tolerate the medication

- Quit cold turkey, again experienced devastating rebound depression

- Back on Sertraline 50mg and then 100mg from late 2011 - current.

- Have scheduled a taper which will take a minimum of 2 years.

5/11/15 - dropped from 100mg to 50mg.  Memory issues, which subsided.  Feeling overly 'up', scared me. Cut back on coffee, seemed to get better.  

- 22/12/15 dropped to 45mg.

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  • 3 months later...

" I have a pretty strong sense of justice and the feeling of people like myself being taken for schmucks and lied to by experts makes me feel like curdled milk inside"

ditto and my view on corporations and the entire world has changed for good I don't want to support them in any respect pay no interest .. buy no products NOTHING!!!

 

I know it is not possible but that is how it makes me feel.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

ditto and my view on corporations and the entire world has changed for good I don't want to support them in any respect pay no interest .. buy no products NOTHING!!!

 

 

This experience has changed my world view too. I don't want to play 'their' game any more and can see how I've been lied to and manipulated my whole life. We are programmed from birth and get caught up in a cycle of trying to earn enough money to spend,  trying to buy security, happiness and that elusive state that seems to always be just out of reach.

 

The only thing I spend money on these days is good quality food and a few supplements. I have no more illusions that anything I can buy is going to bring lasting peace, happiness or comfort.

 

Beyond a reasonable place to live, quality food and warm clothes, none of us need more than that and these days I'm feeling more and more disturbed by our consumer culture. Almost everyone is blindly trapped inside it. I got my eyes opened up and don't like what I'm seeing. I'm still trying to figure out how to live in this world now, as I'm seeing it, without actually being of it.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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"happiness and that elusive state that seems to always be just out of reach."

 

"lied to and manipulated"

 

" elusive state that seems to always be just out of reach."

 

"consumer culture. Almost everyone is blindly trapped inside it"

 

You really spoke loudly to me here and as I read all I could think of is how I was sold a bill of goods exactly the same way and visions of a antidepressant advertisement came to my mind... 

pick one the mother laying in the messy bed in a colourless room who springs to life after her antidepressant... how the world turns to giggles flowers and sunshine drips colour and laughter and love as soon as the pill is taken.  

 

I think even if all symptoms of wd were to disappear I would have a difficult time relating to the world as I see it now as it is completely different from what I thought in my lovely naive state pre drug use. The time before I read of the corruption running rampant before I read the horror stories from the witnesses who testified to get the first black box warning on Ads... before all that I lived in a completely different world .... 

 

a world where  doctor would suggest a drug and I would take it... I don't live there any longer and aside from the few friends I have here it is a lonely state of being as nobody believes me and nobody wants to read the books or transcripts... I too am on the outside looking in and it is more than wd that keeps me there. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post

Computer savy SA members here is a question for you... I sign out of SA come back a few days later to find I do not have to sign in... I am already online... how can this be when the computer I use has no battery and is unplugged when I am not using it?

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post

Hello,

 

To answer the OP, I have to say that I can really relate to the notion of bitterness towards people, organisations, more abstract entities, God and so on. I have been active in Alcoholics Anonymous for some time now. I have learned a lot in that time. In AA this feeling would be referred to as a resentment or resentful thinking towards whomever/whatever.

 

The verb to resent literally means to feel something once again. Sentir is the French verb meaning to feel and is the origin of the word resent. Another word with a similar origin is sentiment. Anyway, when we feel resentful towards somebody or something we are re-activating an injury of some form from our personal histories and bringing it into the present.

 

I think that it can be helpful when these feelings arise to ask oneself if this individual (if it happens to be an individual) is at this moment thinking about us. Do we occupy any time in their thoughts? It may be the case that we matter to them very little. Sometimes their behaviour will be evidence of this. It is even possible that that person may not even be aware of the fact that they have offended us or hurt us. They may be so self-absorbed that they are not even aware that their behaviour has been hurtful. Anyway, if we can conclude that we don't matter very much to a certain person then perhaps we shouldn't give them valuable space in our own heads by feeling resentful towards them and feeling negatively ourselves as a result.

 

The advice in AA is to pray for the people that have hurt us and wish them happiness. To be honest, I find that to be a bit of a challenge. Time is a great healer though. I find that by keeping distance between certain people who I have been resentful towards and myself, the resentment loses its strength. This may not always be practical of course. If one feels resentful towards somebody one works with then keeping distance may not be an option.

 

Anyway, that's my two cents worth. I hope that everybody is having a good weekend  :)

Previously - zopiclone, risperidone, lyrica (pregabalin), ativan (lorezapam)
 
01/Aug/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
12/Aug/2016 -  75mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
03/Oct/2016 -  70mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
29/Oct/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Nov/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Dec/2016 -  60mg effexor, 3.6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jan/2017 -  60mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
27/Mar/2017 -  54mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
23/Apr/2017 -  54mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
09/May/2017 -  75mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
08/Jun/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6.75mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jul/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
 
Sometimes valium. Not daily. Supplements - Sterols and Stanols.
 
Note : I would really hope that nobody uses my tapering history as a guideline. It might not work well for somebody else tapering similar medications.

 

Link to post

I agree with you Blaze when resentment is towards a person and the damage/suffering has ended and they are not still damaging/hurting others the same way they hurt us... then moving on may be a much better idea.. but it is still a good idea to preserve our own souls ... cause this eats away at mine.  Maybe if I were actually healed it would be an easier thing to do.. if I could forget they still make the pills and hurt others with them every day ... I think they know it too. 

 

I know what your trying to do here is much bigger and smarter for any person to aspire to this ...so why do I resist.. reasons above I guess. 

 

I am trying for the personal healing and still here posting too... are these things contradictory... maybe

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Resentment goes beyond people at times.  And just is.  I can't make amends to resentment nor the negative way my life has perhaps affected others or myself.

 

Anger too......it's not always people oriented.

 

I think it is good to experience the state.

 

AA places blame on states of mind.  Or me for having them.

 

I'm not addicted to these feelings.  They need to happen now.

 

I'm really only completing step 2 though.  On my own.  Against regulations.  Having a sponsor and the rest got too difficult.  The rest comes and goes.  AA wise.

 

Good topic though.

 

Bitterness does fall under resentment.

 

There needs to be a Zen guide to the simplicity of AA.

 

I'm doing better on this solitude approach.

 

Nope I've got step 3 down too.  Without doing any worksheets.

 

Somewhere I will start scribbling step 4 down once I remember it or read about it in 2 places.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post

I worked thru part of that program from garage sale book years ago and found it helpful at the time I was not a drinker not at all then and did it out of curiosity as it was interesting I was however on ADs or in wd as I have always been either on Ads or in wd. Step 5 was good I did it with a therapist ... I was always in therapy trying to figure out why I was having wd symptoms or drug reactions looking back some of it was good it kept me alive but mostly I feel it was a waste of a life. Without the meds I doubt I would ever have been in therapy or reading and working such programs... but honour what keeps you alive and carry on.. my motto

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

I know.  Peace.  Seems so illusive though.

 

I have this 12 step Bible I was trying to read earlier.  I will try again.

 

Therapy call soon.  Then I can do the warm line again after 5pm if needed.

 

Not so much the bitterness today as paranoia and that feeling of being beyond in Hell.

 

Kind of makes it tough to take a walk or do much of anything.

 

Thank you btdt.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

I agree with you Blaze when resentment is towards a person and the damage/suffering has ended and they are not still damaging/hurting others the same way they hurt us... then moving on may be a much better idea.. but it is still a good idea to preserve our own souls ... cause this eats away at mine.  Maybe if I were actually healed it would be an easier thing to do.. if I could forget they still make the pills and hurt others with them every day ... I think they know it too. 

 

I know what your trying to do here is much bigger and smarter for any person to aspire to this ...so why do I resist.. reasons above I guess. 

 

I am trying for the personal healing and still here posting too... are these things contradictory... maybe

 

What if the damage/suffering from a person has ended for me but.................I think the person may still be damaging/hurting others the same way the person hurt me?  And all I can do is move on.

 

The difficulty of this.  Soul crushing.

 

Referring to your first couple of sentences.  Not in regards to the pill pushers.  I have to move on.  It is so darn hard to though.

 

And I don't know for sure.  I have no way of checking the facts in this case.   It is equally likely it is a staged show to do this to me.  For no other reason but malice.

 

I have to move on.

 

Makes me feel wrong somehow.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post

MMD I think we some of us are built a certain way to be communal... to organize and contribute to the tribe like some monkeys... other types of monkeys are completely different... they ravage.  

Maybe we are like monkeys I can get caught up in what I watched on National Geographic or anything my mind wonders off and gets lost. 

 

For those of us who have a communal community gist to our lives I think it is soul crushing to leave others suffering we can't be happy while they are in harms way.  For the good of all and I am not saying that is in anyway further evolved or a more satisfying existence I think it is the opposite as it makes for struggle and strain.  Maybe it is just how some of us are made...even if we wish we were made differently... more like the winners of the world not the losers. 

It may be part of wd to have malice come to mind it has come to my mind often and it has not added anything good to the mix and seems for the most part to be one more thing I have to feel and get beyond part of all the other labels so easily handed out these days... everyone is a therapist ...everyone knows the terminology the titles in diagnostic manual of mental health... pharma has taught the vocabulary so they can judge easily minimise others reality and label it as so it can be put on a shelf... like it is ok cause somebody has studies it... None of these people have read the studies and we are the scapegoats till it is them.  

I don't know why but it is bringing up a war analogy ...

First Jews go to the work camps and nobody knows the truth and once the truth starts to get out it is so horrid people don't want to believe it and life seems so normal it could not possibly be... yet it is. I am sure the first people to tell of the death camps were thought mad.

See I told you my mind wonders and not to pretty pictures of kittens and sea shores. It is that word malice it is hard to escape once the truth of the studies and the pushing to get to market the corruption... malice is a good word for all of that.

I wonder what kind of tribe of monkeys ran the death camps.. thought them up ... humans are so completely different. That is the reality that scares the **** out of me and from what I have see these drugs allow people to be more apt to create malice.. that scares me too. It is all happening on a global scale... less developed countries so far have been spared mostly... till an agenda comes up... I suspect.

I get paranoid too who wouldn't with all this crap in their head. ... plus the negativity that comes with wd waves some of the waves have it some don't... good old mixed bag.

 

Maybe it is all wd that would be nice but I know it isn't I have done too much research and knowing seems like it obligates me to do something about it and I am powerless.  Not a good state to live in.

 

I found a relief valve a few years ago when I read the books called " the power of now"  There are a few tricks in there that truly helped me get beyond a long standing severe negativity spell.  I do pull it out and run some of the exercises thru my system like a bleach thru a stained washing machine it tidies things up till the next time.  

 

This is all about surviving and I am tired of surviving and want to thrives... yet surviving beats the alternative.

 

 I should stop here but nope no filters...one more thing

"Makes me feel wrong somehow"

 

I was in a store yesterday buying food... the cashier caught my attention nothing exceptional about her normal working person and I thought of when I was once a cashier... and what it was like to live that existence.... it use to be I could shift to it a certain feeling of what it was like it seems I am so far removed I can't shift I have forgotten my life... or lost the ability to shift all I know is this long state of fluctuating ... fluctuating what... states of being that are just wrong.  I am so caught up in the bubble I can't shirt out... that makes me feel wrong and sad.  And uneasy... I can't sort it all out but it did leave an impression of "different"  being on the outside in a very fundamental way that creeps me out cause I am a communal monkey if I were not ... it would not bother me. 

 

I think to remain hopeful that some day the communal monkeys will once again be greater in numbers than the others... we lost a lot of them to wars so the gene pools was depleted maybe that is how we got so many of the other sort.... maybe it takes great suffering and a war to have people wake up and the last wars are all but forgotten and it will take another great war to bring back what is important... sadly the people left who fight will be broken as they were last time and have to bear the pain and limp along like we do now ....

 

it is the ones who don't go the rich... they always seem to sit pretty and call the shots... even the war shots..their offspring live...  I did not plan to make this a 99% thing but it seems to be wandering down that path ... 

 

They say those who don't remember the past have to repeat I hope enough people remember that we don't need more wars to turn us to communal once again... to peace. 

 

Sorry for the wandering and the long windedness... 

 

peace... I got a look at it in "the power of now"  seems I need to rinse the machine

peace all

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Thanks. 

 

Something up there caught me.  About finding something new.  A new way to think it.  Something to hold on to and stick with.  Maybe even bringing up something that worked before in some kind of new light.

 

I don't know btdt.

 

I guess it's okay to say I hate how it feels........malice.........resentment.........bitterness. 

 

I hope I am getting through it and back to the power of now.  And faith.

 

I've been doing so much "mind reading" of others instead of doing my best for myself and accepting that that is where I need to be right now.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post

That is the way to get well the power of now is a good book to read when your stuck and when your struggling.  Have you read it.. to me it was all novel and it gave me a new focus .. I could not shut up about it..not just on wd sites in real life as for me it gave me peace in a new way I had not known.  

I am not that good at accepting and it is one of the many things I had to learn I think that babble above was looking for a reason... I am not sure.  

I wish you peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post
This video was posted on another thread and I thought that I would post it again here as it's very relevant. The Power of Now was mentioned previously and this is by the author.

 


 

Personally I find that the level of resentment I have towards people really depends on my mood. If my mood is low then I can start thinking negatively towards people. However, if I am in a more upbeat mood I don't think so badly towards people.

 

I think that when one recognises that one is being resentful and that this negative thinking isn't helpful in the present it can be easier to let go.

Previously - zopiclone, risperidone, lyrica (pregabalin), ativan (lorezapam)
 
01/Aug/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
12/Aug/2016 -  75mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
03/Oct/2016 -  70mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
29/Oct/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Nov/2016 -  65mg effexor, 4mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
25/Dec/2016 -  60mg effexor, 3.6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jan/2017 -  60mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
27/Mar/2017 -  54mg effexor, 5.25mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
23/Apr/2017 -  54mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
09/May/2017 -  75mg effexor, 7.5mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
08/Jun/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6.75mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
18/Jul/2017 -  75mg effexor, 6mg olanzapine, 15mg mirtazpine
 
Sometimes valium. Not daily. Supplements - Sterols and Stanols.
 
Note : I would really hope that nobody uses my tapering history as a guideline. It might not work well for somebody else tapering similar medications.

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Yeah.  I'll attempt to surrender the resentment.  I'm not sure where the paranoia comes in but I'll surrender that too.

 

I should order the power of now or get it from the library.

 

I'm working on Leo Buscalgia's Love book.

 

Quite the contrast.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post

 

This video was posted on another thread and I thought that I would post it again here as it's very relevant. The Power of Now was mentioned previously and this is by the author.
 
 
Personally I find that the level of resentment I have towards people really depends on my mood. If my mood is low then I can start thinking negatively towards people. However, if I am in a more upbeat mood I don't think so badly towards people.
 
I think that when one recognises that one is being resentful and that this negative thinking isn't helpful in the present it can be easier to let go.

 

There is something about this video that rubs me the wrong way... I know I can't sort it.. and it takes away from the freedom I found in the basis of the power of now... 

 

they are two different things I think the resentment and bitterness I feel towards the corrupt drug pushers is warranted.... maybe I am resistant maybe it will be my undoing ...maybe I am not ready to play nice.. maybe I never will be and and as such will never heal ... however that did not stop me from finding peace and so I doubt it has anything to do with my healing from psych drugs... 

 

I think taking the drugs for 20 years is the biggest cause of non healing...not my pain body... and we need to keep these two things apart as they are NOT the same thing

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post

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